


Three Days

by RevisionaryHistory



Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, actor Sebastian Stan - Fandom
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Original Character(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 76
Words: 212,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevisionaryHistory/pseuds/RevisionaryHistory
Summary: Sebastian picks up more than just chocolate chips at the grocery.A lot can happen in three days.
Relationships: Sebastian Stan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 410
Kudos: 246





	1. Chapter 1

**~*~Sebastian~*~**

"Where are the fucking chocolate chips?" Oh, shit! Did I say that out loud? I cut my eyes to each side and thankfully didn't see anyone. I'd been searching this aisle for-fucking- ever. The sign says "Baking Needs". Chocolate chips go in cookies. Cookies are baked. Therefore, chocolate chips should be in the aisle marked "Baking Needs”. Should be, but I can't fucking find them.

I about jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my elbow.

A soft female voice quickly said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

This grocery trip is getting better and better. I guess there was someone in the aisle with me. I'm in long baggy athletic shorts, a black t-shirt, and a zippered hoodie with the hood up covering an old baseball cap. I was suddenly very aware that I look like a homeless guy who wandered into a Wegman's on the rich side of town.

I closed my eyes and mentally kicked myself in the ass before I turned around to meet the voice. Please, let it be a nice old lady.

And... nope. She's a little younger and shorter than me. Her long light brown hair has blonde highlights and hung in messy waves over a Pearl Jam tour shirt. I stopped there and focused on her bright green eyes. She's pretty. Says the slightly scary homeless guy.

I'm supposed to respond. Say something, Sebastian. "No, you didn't. Well, you did, but just because I thought no one was here to see me talking to myself."

"Oh, good." Her soft pink lips curved up at the sides. She has a very pretty smile. One that lights up her face. "Can I help you find something? You seem a little lost."

Yep, she thinks I'm a lost homeless guy. Well, that's the best case scenario. Her voice is soft, quiet, and soothing. Not afraid. More like she doesn't want me to be. Hmm.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Ok." She smiled and nodded sympathetically before turning around.

I knew my answer was wrong as I was speaking. I should fix it. "Actually, if you wouldn't mind.” She turned back toward me with raised eyebrows. I proceeded to verbal vomit all over her. "This isn't my grocery store. I'm up from the city helping my parents unpack from a move. Mom wants to make some fudge and sent me here." I pointed up to the sign. "I thought chocolate chips would be in baking needs."

She smiled and her head bounced as she talked, "They are." She pointed down the aisle. "The other half of the baking aisle."

I felt my cheeks getting hot and knew they were turning red. I fought the urge to smack myself on the forehead. Instead I grimace and shook my head a little, "I didn't know they were halved. This is embarrassing."

"Not at all. It's not your store." She put her hand barely on my arm again, directing me. "This way."

As soon as we started walking she took her hand away. I wished she wouldn't have. I walked with her down the grocery aisle. A couple of things were going through my mind. She's even prettier than I first thought. Her eyes are striking. They have a circle of dark around the green. Her face is chiseled, but soft. I know, those two don't go together, but they do. She’s maybe got on mascara. Blush? Hell, I don’t know. Too often anymore women are caked in things that leave stains on my shirt. She doesn’t. She’s pretty. I keep going back to her being pretty. Very pretty.

Past the superficial, she seems kind. She offered to help a complete stranger. A rather sketchy looking one. And anytime I've said something self depreciating she refuted it with her tone of voice even more than her words. It's not often I run into a genuinely kind person. Sure, I know they exist, but me being me I struggle to believe it when I see it. I'm not so jaded to believe people put on act because of who I am. It's just that because of who I am it's harder to just meet someone and have them be real. They're more anxious than me and I'm making an effort to calm them, relax them, and be kind. So they're not being very genuine and it's hard to know if someone is kind if they're seriously trying not to shit themselves.

I walked with the kind and very pretty women to find chocolate chips. I should say something. Maybe salvage my self esteem. "I'm guessing this is your grocery."

"I'm here every week." She looked back at me, "Your parents just moved here?"

"Yes. They bought a house out by the river."

Excitement lifted her voice, "The old Blanchard place?"

I shrugged, "No idea."

"Deck over looking the pool. Pool house. Gorgeous view of the river and mountains."

How does she know the house my parents bought? Before I could ask, she answered. "Small town, big house, old family." She stopped and pointed at the shelf. "Chocolate chips."

Half a wall of chocolate chips. Shit. I laughed, "That's a lot of chips." I scanned and grabbed the dark chocolate ones. "Thank you."

She nodded and smiled, "What else is on your list?"

I smiled back, "Marshmallow cream and evaporated milk."

She took a few steps and pointed again, "Voila."

"Wow, that was easy. I should have found you sooner. I was pacing that other half an aisle searching each fucking row for a good ten minutes."

I'm a little disappointed this didn't take longer.

"Glad I could help."

I turned and slowly started in the direction of the check out, "Hope I didn't disrupt your shopping trip."

She held up a bottle of honey, "All I needed."

I hadn't noticed she had any thing in her hand. Now that I get a chance to look I noticed they're pretty too. Her nails are painted a light pastel blue. "Tea or baking?"

"Tea."

"I'm more of a coffee guy."

"Oh, I need my morning coffee. I like evening tea to wind down from the day."

"I should try that."

"Tea's in row six. Front half." Her eyes sparkled with laughter.

"Ha fucking ha." We were both laughing as we got to the self check out lanes.

She went first and waited for me. We walked out together, stopping away from the door. I turned to face her and noticed her pink lips were a little shiny and made me want to kiss her. I wanted to see if her lips were as soft as they looked and find out the flavor of her lip gloss. Luckily, I recognized this as wildly inappropriate. I tamped down the thoughts and spoke, "Thank you again for the help."

"No problem." Her voice trailed off and she raised her eyebrows.

"Oh!" I finally understood why she was looking at me strangely and put my hand on my chest, "I'm Sebastian."

She pulled her eyebrows down then her eyes went wide with recognition. Then she did something very unexpected. She started laughing. "Nice to meet you, Sebastian. I'm Emiliana."

"Emiliana." I repeated. “Sorry, I've never heard that name before.”

"Few have.”

She smiled, but I felt self conscious about what I'd said. I put my hand on hers, "I didn't mean anything. It's a pretty name, unusual. Do you go by Emiliana?"

"Emma." She laughed again, "Do you go by Sebastian, Seb, Bastian?"

"I answer to them all. Friends call me Seb. Sebastian is kinda formal and my mom calls me when I'm being bad or someone doesn't know what to call me. Nobody calls me Bastian, but you can try it. Sounds like flirting, slightly dirty." I'm flirting. I almost laugh at myself. I'm standing outside a grocery flirting with a women I met five minutes ago in the baking aisle. Someone should make this a movie.

Her face screwed up. "Which do you want me to use?"

"Don't care, which ever feels right. I'm not bothered by you trying them out until you pick one." Actually, I thought that sounded fun. Wait. What do I want her to use? She's going to be using my name. She's flirting back.

Emma laughed and that made me smile. "Weird confession for just meeting."

I looked away then back. "I'm stalling. Trying to work up the courage to ask you to dinner tonight. I'm close, almost there."

"I think you just did."

I looked around, looking for words. "Yeah, I guess I did. Badly." We both laughed. I put a hand on her shoulder. "I get anxious when I'm doing something unexpected or around strangers. I'm usually pretty good at reigning my self in." I took a deep breath and let it out, "Emma, how about dinner tonight? You'll have to pick the place. I know nothing around here." I waved one hand in the air as I said the last part.

I watched her eyes sparkle in green and gold when she answered, "I'd love to have dinner with you, Sebastian."

"Great!" I felt genuine excitement. It had been a long time since I'd basically been on a blind date in the country side. Long, like never. "Pick you up or meet there?" I'm pretty sure she knows who I am, but she doesn't actually know me. I want her to decide what she's comfortable with. I'm not going to assume she trusts me with her home address.

"You can come get me. You made it here so you can find me. I'm about three blocks away." She pointed to a path at the side of the parking lot. "Cuts right through to my neighborhood."

"Did you walk here?"

She nodded her head with a smile, "Only for light loads when I forget things."

"Can I drive you home? Then I'll know where to get you later."

"Good idea, Seb."

I'm amused that's she's literally trying out calling me different names. Can't wait for Bastian and I actually hate being called Bastian. I lead her to my mom's SVU and open to door for her. I tossed the bag in the back before starting the car. I looked over at her, "Which way?"

Emma directed me out of the parking lot onto the main road. From there it was a quick drive. I barely straightened out from one turn when she was telling me to turn again. I pulled into the driveway of the end unit on a row of condominiums. Hers was yellow with white trim and a bright red door. From the roof lines it looked like the two story had vaulted ceilings. For some reason, I thought the quaint yet contemporary home fit her.

"This is cute." I held my hand out in the direction of the condo. "I know you said it was close, but I'm disappointed it was this close." I emphasized the second to last word.

She smiled, "Convenient and quick."

"No conversation time." I pushed out my bottom lip in a pout.

She smiled and patted my forearm, "What time for dinner?"

“Now too early? Wait, I need to shower and change.” I pulled out the sides of my jacket.

“Oh, I don't know, I like this disheveled thing you've got going on.”

“Funny.” She's smirking at me. That's sexy as fuck. I glanced at the clock on the dash and did quick math, “Um, six? What time do you usually have dinner?”

“Six is good.” She slid out of the SUV and peeked back inside, “I'm excited. Thank you for asking me to dinner, Bastian.”

Fuck, I like her.

  
  


Back at mom’s I left the SUV by the side door instead of pulling it around to the garage in back. Bounding through the kitchen door, I dropped the bag on the counter and kissed my mom's cheek.

She was washing up and dried her hands while looking at me. "What have you gone and done? You've the look you got as a teenager when you'd been up to mischief."

There was no sense even pretending. "I've got a date. Dinner. Tonight."

"You've been here twenty four hours. How do you have a date?"

I shrugged, "It's a gift." She rolled her eyes at me. "She helped me find the chocolate chips."

Mom looked me up and down with a sneer on her face. "You look homeless."

"I know." My voice was exasperated and I held my hands out to the side.

"She could be a scary stalker."

"Maybe, but I'll go back to New York and leave you deal with her."

I helped mom make the fudge, even cleaning up the saucepan before heading to the shower. There was a small apartment in the pool house that was to be my space when I was here. Beacon was about an hour and half away from the city. I could visit more often and my own space would make a nice get away.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror after my shower. I ran my hand over my face trying to decide if I should shave or not. It would depend on what I wore. Fuck. I don't have date clothes. My towel fell off while I was tossing things from my bag to the bed. I stood there naked, hands on my hips, looking at my options. Shorts. Shorts. Jeans. Jeans. Multiple T-shirts. A Henley. Jeans, Henley, and my low cut boots it is! Decided not to shave and just ran some product through my hair as I headed out the door.

The drive back to her place gave me time to get rid of the nerves and get excited. Never been on a first date I wasn't nervous about. Will you have anything to talk about? Will there be something important you disagree on? Will the initial attraction fade to friendship? And what about her saying or doing that one thing - a deal breaker. For me that would be rude to wait staff, racist, homophobic, a Trump supporter, and laughing like Janice on Friends. I don't think my list is too much to ask.


	2. Chapter 2

~*~Emma~*~

You've got to be shitting me.

After I unlocked the door I turned to look back at the SUV. Sebastian was watching. I smiled, waved, and went through the door. I wanted to peek through the living room window. That would be immature. Besides, he might see. Instead I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and hit the enter key on my laptop. I stripped down and pulled on my robe while I waited the hour and a half it seemed to take for the dammed thing to wake up.

Thank god for google. I typed in Sebastian and got a film from 2017, Sebastian Bach a singer obviously from a 90's hair band, and Sebastian Stan an American- Romanian actor. Yes, I’d figured that out on my own, but I wanted to make sure. Looking through images never showed the raggedly man I'd just met, but I'd recognize those eyes and that embarrassed grin anywhere.

IMDB has a list of his work. I remember Gossip Girl. He was an ass, best I can remember. Saw Black Swan, but don't remember him. Oooo! Once upon A Time! He was the Mad Hatter. He made me so sad. God, Regina’s clothes were amazing. He was a cute little bunny in The Martian. Such a baby face. Many things I haven't seen. What is up with that porn-stache? Then the Marvel Movies. Kind of hard to miss those. Bucky is an interesting character. I relate to him in a pretty direct way. I thought they did a disservice to his character and Steve's by not showing how Bucky learned to heal and how their friendship would evolve. They had some work to do together. I mean at the very least they needed to fully explore their homoerotic feelings for each other out in the open.

Just sayin’...

In the grocery aisle I didn't recognize him at all. He was all covered up except his legs. Probably his typical way to go out and stay incognito. Not sure I can blame him. I don't know about actors, but over the years I've become friends with a minor rock star. Comparatively Eli is a nobody so he doesn’t have security. The fans before a show and jockeying for position front of stage is interesting to watch. He takes it in stride. I'd seen bigger versions at Pearl Jam concerts, but they have security. There's not the same opportunity for an actor. Not like a concert anyway with so many people in one place. I wonder if fans stake out movie sets?

Thing is, I didn't know who he was until we were outside, until he said his name. Before then I'd been attracted to him. There was something sweet about how flustered he was and how he explained himself. Being here to help his parents move and running errands was sweet too. Obviously, with nothing more than a few minutes of benign conversation in the grocery there's no way to tell the true character of a person. For him either. It is long enough to want to know more. My laughter when I recognized him was pure embarrassment. I feet a little idiotic not recognizing him. Might have been a nice change for him.

Now I have two hours to get ready for a date. A little less with my foray into google stalking. I jumped in the shower and shaved my legs.

It's been a long time since I've been on a proper date. The dalliance with the fifth grade teacher last fall. Thankfully, I discovered what a gossipy bitch he was before I became one of his stories. Sebastian was leaving where we went up to me. Since he's here moving I think it's safe to assume that his clothing options are minimal. Any place with a dress code higher than jeans wouldn't be a good option for a casual first date. Hell, its barely even a first date. More like a dinner with a complete stranger. I guess that is the loose definition of a first date.

When Sebastian pulled into my drive I was dressed and ready to go. End of May isn't too hot yet, but if we went near the river the breeze could be chilly. I wore jeans, a peach top with cap sleeves, a loose white jacket, and peach shoes with a kitten heel. I pushed the sleeves of the jacket up and my shirt showed a little cleavage. I don't have a lot to show off, but a good bra helps. I left my hair down, but threw a clip in my tiny purse that held little more than my wallet, phone, and lip gloss.

Even though I saw him pull up I waited upstairs until he knocked on the door. This let me get a glimpse at what he was wearing and change real quick if I'd been wrong. I had a simple black skirt hanging on my closet door, just in case. He stepped out of the SUV and straightened his clothes before coming around. He had on black jeans with a rip above his knee, a dark blue Henley, and what looked like black loafers or a low cut boot. His jeans made his legs look long and thin, except his thighs looked like he could crush me between. This would not be the worst way to go. The shirt wasn't tight, but enough to see his upper body was. His hair looked like he'd run his fingers through, which was exactly what I wanted to do. He hadn't shaved, but he looked stylish over scruffy.

My eyes watered and I licked my lips watching him come to the door.

  
  


  
  



	3. Chapter 3

~*~Sebastian~*~

I straightened my clothes when I got out of the SUV. I realize my first impression is already shot to hell, but I'm attempting to make up some ground. In front of her door I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before knocking. I tried to re-frame my sudden nervousness as excitement. When she opened the door two things happened. My mouth started to water and my jeans shrank at least one size.

I went with it. "You look beautiful." I kept my voice soft and smiled.

The peach shirt and white jacket set off her eyes and slightly tanned skin. I liked the slight swell of her breasts showing out the top of her shirt. Just sexy enough. I mean, I have nothing against naked breasts, rather like them, but this was a good first date look. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much. And there's time and place for more. This wasn't it.

Emma smiled and put her hand on my bicep, "Thank you. You clean up nicely."

I laughed, "I didn't really pack for a dinner date."

"I thought you might be limited, so I went with jeans."

My head jerked a little in surprise. "That's really nice. Thank you." I had to stop myself from staring. I'm not sure what I'm more amazed by: her kindness or the ease with which she speaks about her thought process. She says it like it's no big deal, but it is. Or maybe I'm more jaded than I thought. I snapped myself out of my thoughts, "Ready to go?" She nodded and I put my hand on her lower back, leading her to the vehicle.

I started backing out and remembered I didn't know where we were going. I put on the brake, rested my hands on the steering wheel, and looked over, "Which way? Where we going?"

"I had two ideas. In town there's a pub. Typical pub food. Bar on one side. Restaurant on the other. Probably live music, but its not loud on the restaurant side. Or about five miles north there's a place on the river with outdoor tables. They specialize in ribs and barbecue, but have everything from steak to seafood."

"Outside on the river sounds good. Nice night for it." I pointed at the navigation screen. "You put it in. Then we can talk without getting lost."

She laughed, "Are you sure we haven't met before? I'd completely get talking and forget to tell you where to turn."

"I think I'd remember." I smiled and watched her press the buttons. Her nails where longer than her fingertips. Long enough to feel, but not so long as to do damage. I should probably stop thinking like that or my my pants are going to shrink more.

"How is the moving going?"

"Good. They hired movers for the actual move. I'm here to shift boxes to other rooms, hook up electronics, and hang things. I think mom used the move as an excuse to get me to visit. When my step-dad retired they moved upstate. Now they're closer again, so it'll be easier."

"Are you an only child?"

"I am. Mom and I left Romania when I was eight then moved to New York when I was twelve." I didn't know if she knew my history or not. It was very vain to think she'd googled and read interviews. I wasn't sure if she was a fan. I liked how my job wasn't part of the conversation. That couldn’t last, but it was nice for now. "What about you?"

“I have an identical twin. Amelia.”

I don't think she was done talking, but I burst in. “That's so cool. Emiliana and Amelia. Did you switch around to fuck with teachers and boyfriends?”

An evil grin crossed her face. “All the time. Our parents mostly. They could never tell us apart. They tell this story about how my dad was so sleep deprived that he forgot to put on our color coded booties and they're not one hundred percent sure which one we really are.”

“Oh fuck! Priceless.”

“Once we hit our junior year Amy cut her hair and started dying it red. If we wanted to pull anything off we had to pull our hair up and shove on a hat. She's got a daughter now and since we're identical twins Katie is genetically my daughter too.”

My mouth dropped open, "I'd never thought of that." I raised my eyebrows, "Never been out with a mom before."

"First time for everything."

We laughed and conversation was easy the rest of the short drive. She pointed out the river walk and restaurant as we drove across the bridge. I was thinking an after dinner stroll was a good idea.

It was early enough that getting a table by the water wasn't a problem. Either the time or the hostess recognized me. She sat us in the corner of the deck with water on both sides. It was a beautiful view. My date and the scenery. Date was better. Before the hostess left she looked at me, "I'll send your server right over, Mr. Stan."

I guess that answers that.

There was a drink menu on the table. I picked it up and looked at Emma, "Do you drink?" She nodded and I handed her the menu. "A beer on the water sounds good."

The server showed up, took our drink orders, and by the time she brought our beers we were ready to order. There was a lull in conversation between discussing the menu and whatever was going to come next. We both took a drink to fill the space. I pulled at the label on my bottle nervously. "What do you for a living?" I knew I was opening the door for the same question, but it was the next logical topic.

"I teach first grade."

I never had a teacher who looked like her. "Why first?" I liked finding out why people made the choices they did.

"I like teaching the little people to read. Kindergartners are too squirrelly. There's a lot of time just teaching them how to be in school. Lots of crying in Kindergarten. Fifth graders are starting to be smart asses."

I nearly spit my beer across the table.

She laughed and handed me a napkin from the dispenser on the table, "They are! The hormones are starting to kick in. No thank you. Third and fourth are assessment years and it's all about getting them ready. Second is this weird hybrid where you're reteaching what they missed in first and getting their basic skills ready for third." She took a drink and continued. "First graders are perfect. They get so excited when they can put sounds together to make words and then read the words in a book. Or when they figure out three plus two is the same as counting three stars and two stars, figuring out the algorithm. I love teaching them to subitize. That’s knowing how many things there are without counting them. We play songs and games. Their little faces light up and they're so proud of themselves. The ones who struggle. It's hard to figure out how to help them and keep their confidence up. They break my heart." She put her hand over hers.

Her love of what she did was obvious. I couldn't remember talking to a teacher after I left school. My teachers just tortured me with homework, papers, projects, and group work. I shook my head, "Until right this second I had never thought of a teacher being excited about their students learning."

"You either had shitty teachers or hated school."

"Both." I looked up, searching my memory. "Leaving Romania was good, but I didn't speak anything but Romanian. I was a good student, but when we moved to Vienna I had to start over. I couldn't communicate. I couldn't read. It was hard. Mom threw a fit because my teachers used the language issue to not push me. She wasn’t having it. Then we moved here and it was starting over again. I was in that awkward stage, had at least three chins, didn't have any friends, and could barely speak English."

She cringed, "I don’t like your teachers. You have to work harder. There's always kids with stories. Whether they’re new, or a parent has died, or they don't speak English, or they've been abused, or they’re just different. You have to work harder to find a way to connect with them and be different for them. You have to have the relationship to help them learn. I'm not going to lie, sometimes you don't like a kid, but that's the job. You're the adult. Figure out how to make it work."

"Yeah, I didn't have teachers like you. It got better. Puberty helped and so did partying." I smirked around my beer bottle as I drank. "My teachers didn't look like you either. Would have paid more attention if they had. Well, maybe not paid attention, but enjoyed class more."

Her shoulders raised a little and one side of her mouth curled up, "Want me to teach you to read or something, Seb?"

"Now there's a loaded question." She’s still figuring out what to call me. Fuck. I might be sad when she figures it out and sticks to one name.

Luckily or unluckily our appetizers arrived. The flirting was fun, but we’re early into dinner. Lots of time for flirting. Good to mix it up.

We'd ordered a sampler. I picked up one of the fried pickles, "There's a place in Atlanta where these are called frickle pickles."

"I grew up in Alpharetta."

"Did you? I've spent a lot of time in Atlanta." I kept going without even thinking. "The Marvel movies filmed there and most of Falcon and the Winter Soldier will be filmed there." I stopped with a pickle about to my mouth. "Umm."

"There's the elephant in the room." Emma popped a french fry covered in cheese and bacon in her mouth.

I chewed my pickle slowly to buy a little time. What for I don't know. It's awkward. I wiped off my hands and finished my beer. "I was enjoying ignoring the elephant." I leaned forward onto the table. "I liked just being a guy on a date."

"You still are." The look on her face was showed she was amused.

I liked that she wasn’t taking the topic seriously. I'm pissed I brought it up. We were doing fine getting to know each other without the complications of what I do. No one explains that part to you in acting school. You just learn about the craft, business, and what not to do an audition. They don't teach you about someone posting a picture of you laying shirtless in the park. You're doing what everyone else is doing, but if you were anyone else no one would care about you laying in the park getting some sun. This is why actors, and models, and sports stars date other actors, and models, and sports stars. All of those things which become a normal part of your life are normal for them too. It's not normal to other people. And until I mentioned filming in Atlanta I was having a damn fine time being a guy helping his parents move.

I want to fucking scream.

I drummed my fingers beside the plate. "I liked being the homeless guy you met in the baking aisle."

She frowned and put her hand over mine, "I didn't think you were homeless. There's a rehab facility up the road. I thought you were an addict stopping for chocolate before checking in. To help with the withdrawal."

I threw my head back and laughed hard. "Even better!" I turned my hand over, holding her fingers, and rubbing my thumb over her soft skin. "Can I go back to being that guy?"

“You're still the sweet guy running errands for his mom. The one I waited for at the check out. Before I knew his name or recognized him."

My eyes were wide and I was doing that thing I do where I'm licking my lips and playing with my tongue. That can mean lots of things. Right now is intrigued with a side of slightly nervous.

"It's going to be hard to get to know you if you don't tell me about your friends and what you do with your downtime."

She had a good point. I wasn't sure what my plan had been. Her talking about herself all night wasn't going to work. "I can do that. Talk about my friends."

Things have gotten more complicated. Not for the reason I expected. We've pretty much worked around the how do I be an ordinary man with a not so ordinary job problem. Now the problem is I'm holding her hand. It's soft and warm and I don't want to let go. I want to stay touching her. I can not figure out how we're going to eat.


	4. Chapter 4

~*~Emma~*~

What in the hell is he doing with his tongue? He's licking his lips and flipping it around. Is he trying to drive me crazy? I'm not sure he even realizes what he's doing. Its like a nervous habit or he's thinking. Either option is sexy as fuck.

I'd wondered how and when the subject of him being The Winter Soldier would come up. It had to eventually. Like I'd said it's difficult to get to know him without hearing about his friends. It just so happens that his friends are famous people and super heroes.

I could make this easier. I could tell him a story to let him know I'm not starstruck or looking to attach myself to a celebrity. But that would open up a conversation I'm not ready to have and, frankly, he's not earned. Yet.

After I said to talk about his friends, Sebastian told me stories of dinners in Atlanta, nights out, and practical jokes galore. He used nicknames and told me about the people. I wasn't learning about a bunch of actors. I was learning about Evans, Mackie, Chace, Will, and Scarlett among others.

I must have had a look on my face because he stopped, "What?"

It took a second for me to track back to what I was thinking. "Just because I can match names with faces doesn't mean I know the people. Thank you for telling me about the people."

He smiled and his blue blue eyes lit up. It was like he was surprised he'd been talking so easily. He squeezed my hand and nodded once, "You're welcome."

Our dinner arrived and broke the moment. I'm glad. Like when the appetizer came and stopped the flirty comments. The interruptions kept us from going to far. A first date is like a dance. You flirt, you back away. You get into a deep conversation, then go back to a safer topic. Too much intensity and you run the risk of regretting what you shared in a moment. Out of control flirting just lands you in bed.

While we ate I took over telling stories about my friends. By the time they took our plates we'd built the foundation for future conversations about our days. I didn't doubt there would be those conversations.

We had to stop holding hands while we ate. Almost immediately I saw him shift and felt his leg brush mine and come to rest with his calf pressed against mine. With the plates gone, Sebastian reached across the table. I put my hand back in his and felt a frisson of energy travel up my arm. His hands made mine look tiny. Us holding hands wasn't a passive activity. We played with each other's fingers. Every so often we'd twine fingers and be still for a minute or two before the movement continued. Sebastian seemed especially fascinated by my finger nails. He’d run his fingers over the sides, push against the end, or almost pull on on them.

Another pair of beers arrived and conversation restarted. “You grew up in Georgia and now you're in New York. How'd that happen?”

I grimaced, “There's an ex in this story. You up for hearing the ex story?”

“If you're up to telling.”

“I went to the University of Georgia in Athens. About four hours away from home. First semester of my Junior year I took an elective in American Legal Foundations. Most of the class was taught by a second year law student named Jimmy.” I quirked an eyebrow to clue him in. He smiled. “He was handsome, smart, and very driven. We dated through graduation. Him law school and me undergrad. He got a job at a firm in New York City. I applied to NYU and started working on my Masters. You can work as a teacher in New York with your bachelors, but you have to have taken some prep classes, which I didn't have. So I worked as a server for the first year.”

Sebastian groaned, “I did too. I don't think I've ever been so tired in all my life. And is why I tip ridiculous amounts.”

I laughed, “I remember how bad my feet hurt.” He groaned with me. “It worked good with my school schedule. In the fall I got a job teaching Kindergarten. We had this one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I loved our neighborhood. There was always something going on. I got to be friends with this local musician and his wife. She taught first grade, which is how I learned I would prefer first grade. The next year I moved to first grade and we team taught. I thought I was set. A man I loved, job I loved, neighborhood I loved, friends I loved.” I paused to take a drink.

His thumb moving against my skin would have been soothing if I wasn't past all this. Still, it felt good. “This is where it falls apart.”

“Part of what I fell in love with was his drive. I didn't count on it turning on me. Somewhere he started to think I was less than him. He was better than me. His friends were better than mine. At his firm's Christmas party I noticed when he introduced me or if someone asked me about myself he would say “she's just a teacher”. We got into a huge fight that night. He hated my best friend and her wanna be rock star husband. My salary was always going to hold him back.” I smiled. “Hold him back. His phone rang and I saw the name of one of his coworkers. She was the one he'd been fucking for months.”

Sebastian hissed in a breath, “Ouch, sorry.”

“Ancient history now, but thanks. My parents wanted me to moved back. I just couldn't, but I couldn't afford our apartment either. I searched around and found a long term sub position near here for a teacher on maternity leave. They didn't have a spot for me the next year, but I found a first grade position in another school. I've been here three years now.”

“Very different from Brooklyn.”

I laughed, “Very. I loved the city. I'm not telling you anything you don't know. The energy is different there. You can walk around doing nothing and have the best time. I go back and visit friends, especially if Eli has a gig and I can see Angie. Most people come up here to get away from the city. I go to the city to get away from the peace and quiet. Where do you live?”

“Soho.” He looked uncomfortable. “When I first moved to the city I lived in the apartment with three other friends in a scary neighborhood right near the subway. Good times. Acting isn't a steady paycheck. I just bought a place last year. I put it off for a long time. Part of me kept expecting the work to dry up and be worried about making rent again. My manager had to practically forge my name on the mortgage. I shook for a good three days. Then it got fun. I liked decorating and picking out stuff. Everything was painted white when I moved in. I left most of it, but I painted a wall in my bedroom a blue gray. Evans told me I couldn't paint it black.” He shrugged, “I like black.”

“My kitchen is black.”

“Good girl.” He brought his beer to his lips and smiled, “So is mine.”

We talked about New York for a long time. Best places for people watching. Live music places. Hidden restaurants. Things we loved and things we hated. Somewhere in this I decided this was the best first date I'd ever had. Or maybe it was just him.

The place was crowded, noisy with conversation and the clinking of tableware. His attention was never pulled away from me. I felt like I was the only person in the place. If he had first date nerves they weren't showing. He seemed relaxed and natural, which made it easy for me to be relaxed and natural. Facial expressions showed interest and kept me talking. He became more animated as he told his own stories. It was like he focused all his energy on listening, but let it go when it was his turn. As we talked about New York we were talking over and around each other and reacting to things said. It didn't feel like a first date.

When that conversation died down he brought his other hand to the table and motioned for mine. He held both of mine and his face went serious. “Alright. You're stranded on an island.” I snorted a laugh. He shook his head and laughter filled his eyes, “Wait for it.” He huffed a breath and got back into character, “You're stranded on an island. All your needs are taken care of. There's shelter, food, water, indoor plumping. But . . . there's no internet. In the middle of main room, which has an amazing ocean view by the way, is a jukebox. It only has five songs. What are they and why?”

My eyes grew wide, “Only five!”

He sneered and nodded, “Only five. Better make them good ones. Who knows how long you’ll be there.”

“You're gonna tell me yours aren't you?”

“When you're done.” He stared at me while I was thinking. “Only five.”

“Shut up, I'm thinking.” The first three were easy. “Ok, first, foremost, and always is Black by Pearl Jam.”

He made a face, “Ooo, good choice.” He started singing. “I know someday you'll have a beautiful life. I know you'll be a star. In somebody else's sky. Why oh why can't it be mine.”

I had joined in after the first line and could feel the smile on my face. “That's the reason. The feeling and rip your heart out emotion is those lines.” I closed my eyes and thought back, “Seeing that live the first time when I was sixteen was incredible. Watching Eddie on stage with his eyes closed, pouring out the pain. Then it switches to that Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo over and over, almost like a mantra or sitting in the corner rocking back and forth to comfort yourself. Start a Fire, by Ryan Star. It's memories of falling in love or maybe falling in lust. It's got an intense part kind of like Black. Probably because he's a big Pearl Jam fan. It says things like taking chances in the back of your car, give in to the beat of your heart as my hand touches your skin, and wake up dreaming and lie here with me.” I was on a roll now and kept going. “Shatter Me. Lindsey Stirling is a violinist and the lead singer from Halestorm does vocals. It's about being afraid and wanting to feel alive again. Starts kinda soft with the soothing violin in the background then works up to a frenzy. The first line is “I piroutte in the dark” so as the music builds I just picture spinning faster and faster trying to break free from the fear. There's an old song by Jefferson Starship. At least I think they were still Jefferson Starship. Miracles. It's from the seventies and it's one the dirtiest song I've ever heard. Not in the filthy I wanna fuck you like an animal way, but sexy dirty. Have you heard it?”

He scrunched up his face while he thought, “I think so. Something about if only you believed in miracles so would I. Is that right?” I nodded. “I don't recall the dirty part.”

“There's a short version they play on the radio that doesn't have it. It's almost at the end and says I got a taste of the real world when I went down on you.”

I watched a slow smirk form and his eyebrow quirk. “The seventies had lots of secret dirty parts. Afternoon Delight. That song by Donna Summer full of sex noises. When I went down on you isn't really hidden.” He held up a finger. “One more.”

“This one is new and I'm currently obsessed. Chances by the Backstreet Boys.” He snickered. I rolled my eyes and ignored him. I sang the first line, “What if I wouldn't have asked for your name and time wouldn't have stopped when you said it to me.” He just stared and I switched back to speaking, “It’s a simple love song about fate. All the what ifs that have to happen for two people to fall in love.” I shrugged. “Your turn.”

He threw his hands in the air, “I can't compete with yours! You've got all these intense songs about heartbreak, fear, love, and lust. I've got, I've got Jessie's Girl.”

I laughed at the way he threw up his hands, made faces, and collapsed back into his chair. His over the top level of exasperation was funny. “I like things that make me feel.”

Sebastian clapped his hands then rubbed them together, “I'm going to have to up my game.” He took a drink of his beer, shook out his arms, cracked his knuckles, and finally reached out and took my hand again. “I'm going to stick with Rick Springfield's Jessie's Girl as my number one. Playing air guitar and singing into a hairbrush. Good times. I love eighties music so I'll add INXS. Love lots of their music, but if I have to pick one and conserve my choices I'll go with Disappear. Love song about how the right person can make all the problems disappear. And it's got a great beat you can dance to like Molly Ringwald in Breakfast Club.”

“I'd pay money to see that.”

“The night is still young. Umm, number three. Sound of Silence. The Disturbed version. A classic made over. Could have been Careless Whisper, but they messed up the rhythm of the best part. I like it because it's familiar, but completely new. There's this group out of Vegas called Adelita's Way. Invincible is this high energy rock song. Never fails to get me up at the gym. Incidentally, it was also a WWE theme song and that was my fall back if acting didn't work out.” He hummed again and closed his eyes. A second later he was doing that thing with his tongue again. Must be him thinking. “And lastly, anything by Tool.”

I shook my head, “Nope.”

“I didn't think I'd get away with it. So I'll go for Puscifer and Rev 22:20.”

“Thought you said Tool.”

“Puscifer is one of Maynard's side gigs. It's got a line that say if I've got to sin to see her again then I'm gonna lie lie lie. Straight up sacrilegious filthy sex music. Intense too, so you might like it.”

“Your going to use that against me forever, aren't you?”

He nodded, “But you've got Jessie's Girl.”


	5. 5

~*~Sebastian~*~

I make playlists for everything. I've talked several times about using music to get me into a character. I use music to regulate my mood too. I have ones for working out anger, songs to make me cry, things to meditate too, songs to help me sleep and give me good dreams, and good start to a morning songs. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there's a sex playlist. There's really two. One is labeled romance though. Maybe it should be called “foreplay”. It's the glass of wine and quiet conversation playlist. The one called sex could also be rightfully called “fucking”. Every last one of those songs are for slamming balls deep into someone. That Puscifer song is on that playlist. I have a deserted island playlist too. That's where the question came from. I think you can learn a lot about people from what they choose to fill their brains with and why. 

It would be an easy thing to reduce Emma's choices down to songs that make her feel. What I got from her list is she likes words. She gave me a line from every song she picked. She didn't even have to stop to think. The words just rolled off her tongue like they were waiting to be said. Again, it would be reductive to think that's all there is, but I bet words are what hook her. She listens. Most of my choices were tied to an activity. Air guitar, dancing, working out, sex. I watch. I notice how things happen. Process is more important to me. That's how I get into a character, the feel of things. Mannerisms. How they walk. How they talk. How they do things. Current example ~ I remember Emma asked if she could help me find the chocolate chips, but not the exact words. I can bring up the exact feel of her hand on my arm when she said it. When I put my hand on her back leaving her house I noticed she leaned back into the contact. Had she jumped, tensed, or leaned forward I would have know I was violating her personal space. But she didn't. She's given me her hand and didn't move away when I put my leg against hers while we ate. All of this is good because I just can't seem to not be touching her. I don't mean in a sexual way. I mean attraction. I like you and I want to feel your warmth. Accepting my hand on her back has absolutely nothing to do with accepting sex. Neither does kissing. Or touching. Hell, being naked in bed doesn't even equal consent for sex. 

Wow, I've drifted way off topic. Maybe not. Back to the music thing. Her liking words and me liking activity. Neither is the superior way, just differences. I'm curious about books and movies, but another night. I have no doubts there will be other nights.

As planned, deserted island playlist propelled us into more music. Eventually we're rattling off songs and giving them thumbs up or thumbs down. It was really good. We laughed and told stories, sharing memories. She hit upon one of those songs that you think no one else ever heard of, but was really pretty popular. Usually it’s a breakup song that you get so lost in the rest of the world didn’t exist. This was one of those. I immediately threw up the thumbs down, then up, then down again. 

She grimaced, “Break up song.”

She’d shared hers. I didn’t mind sharing mine, but this was my least favorite. “Sort of. It was later. I had a hard time getting over her. We’d been together awhile. Things were good until they weren’t. First she started saying she didn’t know who she was apart from me. Then it was she didn’t know what she wanted. Then it was she knew and it wasn’t me. I’d been doing the things she wanted, making changes, and it turned out she was making them up. I didn’t handle myself so well. I was hurt because I felt like she’d used my better qualities against me. She’d manipulated me into making changes, doing things, that meant nothing. It was like she was playing with me and she knew me well enough to know better. I really internalize that shit. In the end I’m the one who looked like the asshole. I wasn’t perfect, but I kept trying.” After dropping the lyric that had hooked me, I stopped for a second and focused on our hands. God, I was young back then. Both of us and we’d fought with secrets to hurt each other most. I just had more to work with. Emma’s nail tickling my palm brought my attention back to her and I smiled. “I was pretty pitiful for awhile. I couldn’t get past it, past her. That song got me in touch with how angry I was. Not just at her, but myself for getting so stuck in being victim and feeling guilty for mean things I’d said. So, I raged for a while. Took it out on my liver and my lungs . . . mostly. Then I was better.” The smirk on her face let me know she understood my particular healing methods. I wasn’t very original. Sometimes you have to get high, drunk, and fuck someone out of your system. 

Emma excused herself to the bathroom. I leaned back and finished off my beer. I looked out at the dark water letting everything sink in. Not thinking, just letting the good time feel good. Even telling the ex story felt good. Well, her reaction to me getting a little lost in. Another round of beers showed up a little before Emma. As she sat down she knocked hers over. 

She jumped out of the way as it poured onto the deck beside her, “Fuck!”

I grabbed the bottle before it could empty and Emma stemmed the flow with extra napkins. “Easy clean up with the deck.”

She laughed, but her cheeks were red. Our server showed up to take away the napkins, wipe up the remnants, and bring Emma another beer. She shook her head, “I have an unfortunate habit of knocking over drinks. Even sober.”

“It’s good to have a hobby.” We laughed again and got back to talking.

I was so wrapped up in conversation I didn't notice a group of three guys approach our table. I jumped a little when one of them spoke. They had beers in hand and introduced themselves after one apologized for startling me. I wanted to tell them it was really uncool to interrupt my date. They seemed like the kind of guys who would understand. I stood up because I don't like talking up to people towering over me. Gives me a little more control over the situation too. Most people will read the social cue of me sitting down again as ending the conversation. They were nice enough and the short interaction ended with a picture so they could post “beers with The Winter Soldier” on Instagram. 

Emma was smiling when I sat down, “Happen a lot?”

“Um, depends where I am. Sometimes one turns into many. Fingers crossed.” I patted my chest without pockets. “I don't have a pen.” 

She chuckled, “I've always thought autographs were the excuse to approach someone when all someone really wants is a minute of your time. Or your phone number.”

There's my opening. “Can I have your phone?”

She gave me a strange look, but still pulled her phone out of her purse and unlocked it before handing it over. Luckily she's got an iPhone and I know how to navigate those. I get that people like the customization you can do on an Android, but for barely tech literate people like me I find comfort in the limitations of ways I can fuck up my iPhone. Also makes it easier when I'm trying to sneak my number in someone's phone. I'm not very sneaky. I put my number in her contacts, saved, and handed her phone back. “Now you don't have to ask.”

She was doing something and a second later my text notification went off. “You don't either.

I put in her name and was reaching for her hand when our server walked up, “I'm sorry, Mr. Stan, but we'll be closing soon.” She laid the black folio containing our bill on the table.

What the hell? It couldn't be after eight o'clock. I glanced down at my phone. It's 2:45. “Oh shit!” I showed the time to Emma who looked as shocked as I did. I looked up to our server. “I'm sorry. Shit. We've fucked you out of half a dozen table turnovers. I'll take care of you.”

“Don't worry about it. I'm glad you had a good night.” 

I quickly pulled out my credit card and tucked it in the plastic sleeve. She walked off and I turned to Emma, “I'll be right back. Gonna get some cash for her tip.” Since Emma had worked in a restaurant I knew she'd understand. Even if they cashed her out they might withhold some of a tip to cover the card fees or make her wait for the full amount. I had some cash, but not enough to cover shorting her all the turnover while I sat my ass here talking. By the time I got back from the ATM she was back with the receipt. I asked her to wait while I quickly scribbled my name. I tucked the cash in the folio and handed it back to her. “Have a good night.” She thanked me and was off. I downed the rest of my beer and reached a hand out for Emma, “Ready to go?”

Emma took my hand. As we walked I twined my fingers with hers. I wanted to walk like this for hours. The simplicity of holding hands is something not be overlooked. Fingers laced, palms pressed together, and the necessity of walking a little bit closer. This feeling. The newness. The thrill. The anticipation. I love them all. 

The sky lit up with a streak of lightning in the distance. I looked around, unsure of my bearings. “Is that coming or going?”

“We'll be driving toward it.”

The next flash was closer and the thunder rolled loud. Walking hand in hand by the river was out. “Better get you home.” 

In the SUV I waited for my phone to hook into the entertainment center before handing it off to Emma with Spotify open. “Play me your five songs.”

After listening to her five songs I had her search for mine. She did like the Puscifer song. She thought it sounded like stripper music. She's not wrong. 

I can not believe it's three in the morning. We talked for nine hours. This has to be the longest first date ever. Unless you count the one's that go overnight, but that's different. This is the longest date I've even been on that hasn't included sex. Or a two and a half hour movie. Nine hours sitting with one person talking about family, friends, and music. How in the fuck did we fill up nine hours? I don't feel like I've even scratched the surface of knowing her or showing her who I am. With the exception of a couple of times it was nine hours of nothing conversation. I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm not bothered. I'm amazed. 

Now I'm faced with what next? Imminently, not existentially. Realistically most of my dates end up in bed. Usually I go out with someone I've met on set, an event, or a party. We've got on well enough to ask her out. We go to dinner, back to one of our places to get to know each other. Conversation pauses, there's a kiss, and boom we're in bed. Sometimes there's not a real date before the sex. Hit it off when we meet and go home together. Nothing wrong there. Sex is what you do while you're getting to know each other. 

Or what you do so you don't have to. 

None of this means I don't want to go to bed with Emma. Not even close. How do you go from nine hours of talking with nothing more than holding hands to naked and sweaty? Well, I know how you get there, but I'm not sure I should. Even more amazing. I'm not sure I want to. Evans would give me such shit about what I'm thinking. It's been a sweet first date and maybe it's better to leave it that way. If sex is what you do to get to know someone, but we're doing fine doing, why not wait. Show a little restraint. I could ask her what she thinks. Nope. Awkward, presumptuous, and weird. Somebody once told me if you can't talk about sex you shouldn't be doing it. I thought it was bullshit. Now, I'm thinking they might have a point.

All this could change with a kiss. Just one kiss.

The storm was almost on us by the time we got to her place. I ran around to her side of the SUV and walked her to the door. Holding hands like two teenagers. I do not know what to do next. I'm anxious and afraid my hand is turning into a sweaty mess. She unlocked the door and I leaned against the wall. “I had a really good time tonight. I can't remember last time I talked so much. It was a lot fun. Thank you.”

“I had a great time too. Thank you for dinner.”

Emma turned back to face me and stepped closer. This is closer than we've been all night and I have never wanted to stay in a moment so much in my life. 

I reached to put my hand on her face. Her eyes fluttered closed when my fingers skated across her cheek. I start to lean in, to close the distance. I closed my eyes. Suddenly a huge crack filled the air and both of us jumped. I yelled, “Fuck” and put my hand over my heart. It's beating out of my chest for more than one reason now. 

Emma jumped too and we both started laughing. 

The moment I wanted was gone. Dammit. I grabbed her into a hug, “Scared the fuck out of me.” Another crack of thunder and the rain started. I stepped back, “I'll give you a call tomorrow.”

The deluge started after I shut the SUV door. That's lucky. I guess mother nature didn't want me to kiss the girl tonight. No problem.

I'll probably get in the pool at mom's and wait for lightning to strike me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a note and let me know what you're enjoying. Or just say hi!


	6. Chapter 6

~*~Emma~*~

Well, I feel stupid. Eyes closed, face turned up expecting a kiss, and I get a hug. The only thing worse would have if he'd kissed my forehead.

It was a good date. He kept touching me and I definitely felt a chemistry between us. I can't remember the last time I spent nine hours straight talking to my best friends. Maybe that's not his idea of a good date. Maybe he needed me to throw myself at him or maybe it was too simple. I don't imagine sitting next the river talking and holding hands is a typical date for him. Movie premieres, award shows, film festivals, and galas are more his normal. I bet most of his dates do end up in bed. Not that mine don’t. I wouldn't have turned him down. He's gorgeous. His hands are soft and strong. His lips are naturally pink and looked like they'd be delicious to kiss. It felt good being with him. I like how he treated me. Sex would have been fun.

We're from two very different worlds. Not getting more involved is probably a good idea. He's up here visiting his parents and will go back to his life in a few days. For all I know he's leaving tomorrow. I'm still disappointed. Oh well, at least I have a good story to tell.

Grr, seriously Emma. What the fuck? Why am I making excuses and coming up with negatives about someone I met less than 24 hours ago. Oh . . . I like him. Not just like him, but like him like him.

Since I was out so late last night I slept in. Saturday is my long day at the gym and working out sleepy doesn't work. I either do some half assed workout or throw in the towel and go home. I can push through sore. I can push through a long day at work. I can push through stressed. I can push through tired. Those things actually tend to motivate me. I know I'll feel better after than I did before. I can not work out through sleep deprived. So instead of getting up at seven I slept in until ten. Breakfast was fruit and yogurt with a strong cup of coffee. I scrolled through twitter and Instagram to see if any of my friends had been arrested or gotten engaged over night and by eleven I was out the door.

I'd thought about Sebastian a lot last night before falling asleep. There were a million reasons for the lackluster end to our date. One of the more complicated being he recently got out of a relationship and was here to help his parents move, not expecting anything, and while it was fun he just wasn't ready. The simplest being the clap of thunder ruined the moment. I'm a sucker for a good moment. It's still embarrassing to have a kiss rejected.

Stuff like this is why I hate dating. Why most people hate dating. The beginning is so ambiguous. It's the nature of things because you really can't go from complete strangers to best friends over night. There's a discomfort with having questions that you know it's too early to be asked. I'm not insecure. I'm not looking to get married and start having babies. I'm also not against a fun fling. I don't think sex has to be be anything more than sex. There's scientific proof that hormones released during and after sex increase feelings of attachment, but a rational person doesn't have to go falling off that particular cliff. It's like the hormones that make a man sleepy after sex. He may be sleepy, but he can choose to stay awake long enough to get me a glass of water.

Despite my embarrassment I'd fallen asleep thinking about sex with Sebastian. I would run my hands over his chest and stomach, kissing his skin. In my imagination I could hear those sounds that a man only makes when he's reacting to touch. It had occurred to me that I bet I could find a sex scene with him online somewhere. That immediately felt creepy and almost an invasion of his privacy. My imagination was pretty good anyway. I was getting a little lost in the fantasy again when my text notification went off and words popped up on my car's touchscreen.

From: Sebastian

Hey, Emma. Wanted to tell you again what a great time I had last night. Sorry, I kept you out so late. Not really. ;-). Are you awake yet?


	7. 7

~*~Sebastian~*~

I fell asleep last night thinking about Emma. The night had been simple and easy. I really did feel a little like a teenager holding hands with her. This may sound stupid or incredibly naive, but it was innocent. Dating at thirty-five is anything but innocent. It's littered with land mines you have to tip toe around and hope you don’t get something you need blown off. No wonder most people hate dating, but last night was good.

I woke up with a raging hard on. I'd been in the middle of a dream where I was inside Emma, pushed up over her with her nails digging into my biceps. All and all not the worst way to wake up. I let my imagination finish the dream while my hand relieved the ache under the sheets. Oh, FYI, in my fantasy she finished first.

My phone went off again and I came to the unfortunate realization that a text from my mother had interrupted my erotic dream. I cringed and shook it off. Mom had made breakfast. I checked the time. A little before eight. I hadn't been in bed five hours. This was going to be a long day. I hoped she’d found the coffee maker yesterday.

I returned mom’s text, got dressed, and drug my ass into the kitchen. She and my step dad were tucked in at the table and there was a place with a cup of coffee waiting for me. I kissed mom's cheek and sat down, “You're the best. This smells delicious.” French toast and bacon. I heard my trainer's voice inside my head telling me to get to the gym. I'd be home and back at it bright and early tomorrow morning. A couple of off days weren't going to ruin me.

“How was your date?”

I looked over the steam from my coffee cup at my step dad. I took a sip, “Good. We went to this place on the river and ended up talking until they closed.”

“You going to see her again?”

“Yeah, I'd like too. I dropped her off pretty late. I'll text her in a little while.”

While we ate we talked about the things mom wanted me to do today. The cable people were coming so first on my list was getting the TV's hung on the walls and ready to go. We tested out sound bars by dragging a Blu-ray player around. We laughed remembering how bulky VCR tapes were and now entire movie collections could be contained on hard drive no bigger than two of them. Once the TV's were squared away I started hauling boxes from the garage to the room they belonged in. Apparently the boxes had arrived before the furniture and they didn't want boxes in the way while they figured out room arrangements. Mom also felt less overwhelmed with a few boxes at a time to unpack. She could move from room to room doing a little at a time and have things slowly take shape.

I took a couple of boxes with kitchen supplies to the pool house and got the TV hooked up down there. A look at the clock told me it was a little after eleven. Surely Emma was awake by now. I'll text. Then if she's still sleeping she can ignore.

I smiled when my phone went off and her name flashed on the screen. “Hey, Seb. I'm driving, so I can't text. I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you.”

“I'm glad I didn't wake you up.”

“I did sleep in a little.”

“I didn't. Mom had doing shit before eight.”

“Ouch, sorry.”

I scrubbed my hand through my hair. “Worth it. What are you up to today?” My subtle plan was to see if she was busy then find where I could insert myself. Normally I'm more direct, but I don't know anything to do here. Makes it hard to suggest a date.

“Right now I'm on the way to the gym.”

I jumped on it, “Can I come?”

“You want to go to the gym?”

I could hear the suppressed laughter in her voice. “While I was eating breakfast, I heard my trainer's voice in my head saying get to the gym; french toast may taste good, but how will it look on your abs.”

She laughed out loud this time, “I thought only women imagined where the food was going. I'm positive I should just lick Reese Cups and stick them to my thighs.”

My thoughts went dirty and I fought not to say something about eating Reese Cups off her thighs. “A trip to the gym would quiet his voice. Plus, I'd get to see you.”

“Yeah, I'd like that. I'll text you the gym address. I'll wait for you in the lobby.”

She'd like to see me too. Thought brought to you by my inner teenager who is giggling like an idiot. I don't want to work out and call it the end. “Are you doing anything after? I was thinking I'd bring something to change into and we can hang out.” I laughed, “I don't know what to ask you to do. I just want to do something.”

“Sure, we'll figure out something.”

“Good. I'll see you in a few minutes, Emma.”

“See you soon.”

Yes! 

I need a shower. Doesn't make sense before working out. I lifted up my arm and sniffed. Eh, not offensive. More deodorant anyway. I dumped my clothes out of my bag onto the bed. Shoved shower stuff and something to wear back in. Her text came and I was out the door.

Found the gym easy enough. Realized I don't know what kind of car she drives. Fingers crossed she's here or I can just stand in the lobby looking like an idiot. I walked in and scanned the area. There she is. She looks . . . exactly how she looked when I met her in the grocery. I started laughing.

Emma looked at me like I was crazy then joined in the laughing. “What's so funny?”

“You were coming from the gym yesterday.” I waved my hand down her body. “You were dressed the same.”

She nodded, “I'm here most days. Sunday is my rest day.”

I took her hand as we walked to the desk, “I have lighter days. Not really rest days.”

She signed me in, talking a second to the girl behind the desk before we headed down the hall past the locker rooms. She looked at me and cringed, “I'm feeling pretty intimidated.”

“Why?”

“Self conscious. I imagine your work out is very different than mine. I probably have horrible form.”

“Your form looks pretty damn good to me.” I pressed my lips together and nodded while leaned back to check her out. She laughed and shoved me. Great response. “I promise not to correct anything unless you’re going to hurt yourself.”

She shook her head, “Oh hell no! Make yourself useful. Tell what I'm doing wrong.”

I'm sure my work outs are very different than hers too. Today I'm not working out at the intensity my trainer pushes. Completely different situation. I want to spend time with her more than I want the strength training. “Where do you usually start?”

She pointed to a room on the right, “Bike for twenty minutes.”

I clapped my hands, “Sounds good. Let's go.”


	8. 8

~*~Emma~*~

I'm currently very intimidated yet excited. I didn't really think this through. When he texted I got a thrill of “oh god he likes me" and didn't consider the logistics of doing physical exercise with him. There's going to be sweating, and straining, and incredible male sounds. I'm in denial that I will be sweating, and straining, and making not attractive noises. Maybe he will find it as sexy as I know I'm going to.

We found two bikes and started peddling. Sebastian was going much faster than me. I kept to my pace. If I were to try to keep up with him I 'd likely collapse and be unable to move for a day or two.

He programmed a hilly course before turning to me. "You said you worked out everyday. What keeps you motivated?"

"I played volleyball in high school. . ."

He interrupted, "In the little shorts?"

I smiled, "Yes, in the little shorts. We were good. Won state my junior year. I thought we trained hard until I got to UGA. I was in the best shape of my life and could eat anything."

"Nice bonus isn't it?"

"Definitely. In grad school I joined a rec league. It was fun, but there wasn't a training component. When I backed off I started feeling more sluggish, hard to get moving, my mood wasn't as stable, and I could physically feel stress. I’d never had any of that before. And I was gaining weight.”

He nodded his head slowly, "Crazy how fast it starts to fall apart."

I nodded in agreement. “So, NYU had free training services by advanced students under supervision. Took three to find one I liked. He got me warming up on bike or elliptical, do some machines, free weights, balance, and either Pilates or yoga. I do the same basic stuff still, just trade things out and change weights. I use the gym's trainer a couple times of year."

"Hey, its all about what works for your body. My trainer, Don, will set up a plan and in a few weeks if he's not seeing the changes he wants he'll switch up."

"Are you training for something specific?" I knew the Marvel movies where done and didn't know what was next.

"I train pretty steady for some of the same reasons as you. Helps me stay in the moment and helps me from over thinking everything. Helps me throw off other people’s expectations, not let them get in my head. At differing times I have differing levels of anxiety and working out helps burn off the adrenaline. And last, but not least, I don't always have the best body image or the most confidence. Weird kid, chubby, awkward."

I love that he just went all in. He put it all out there. I respect that. "Isn't it weird how no matter how old you are or the evidence to the contrary, sometimes out of no where you can't stop seeing yourself through the eyes of that awkward kid? Part of me will always be thirteen with her crush laughing at her because no way would he be interested in her." I looked at my chest then back to him. "No boobs."

He smiled, "Thirteen-year olds are stupid."

"He was fifteen."

"Still stupid. And you grew out of the no boob thing."

He didn't look, which tells me he's looked before. I smiled, "And you are not awkward or chubby. You obviously work hard on your body. Jury's still out on weird.'"

"I can live with weird." Sebastian adjusted the setting on the bike. He looked awkward right now. Like I'd embarrassed him, which is so cute. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." We both laughed. I switched the subject back to something unlikely to make him blush.

"You don't do machines, do you?"

He looked sheepish and shook his head the tiniest bit. "In hotel gyms if I'm out of town with no other choice."

We've known each other under twenty four hours. I can not think of a way for working out together to not to be awkward. Except if he goes off and does his thing and I go off and do mine. No fun there. "How about I follow your lead. With significantly smaller weights."

"We could do it the other way. I follow you."

"We both know you're better at this than I am. I would be stupid to not take advantage of your expertise." Sebastian cocked an eyebrow and one corner of his mouth curled up. I imitated his expression, "Too much?"

He screwed up his face and held his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart.

I frowned and rolled my eyes.

He reached over and patted me on the back, "Good try."

At twenty minutes we headed back to the free weight room. The size of his weights made mine look like baby rattles. I'm pretty sure I could have sat watching him and my heart rate would have still been in the cardio zone. There was a lot of touching. He'd touch me to show where I should feel what muscle I was about to work. He'd touch me to see if the correct muscle was working. He'd touch me to say good job. And sometimes I'm pretty sure he touched me just to touch me. I am not complaining. His hands are big and warm. His touch was soft, yet confident.

I liked him touching me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops, sorry. Got busy and forgot to post earlier this week.   
> Hope everyone is doing ok with the lock down. Drop a line anytime.


	9. Chapter 9

~*~Sebastian~*~

  
That I struggle with anxiety and insecurity is not a secret to anyone with social media. I've talked about in interviews. I've shared with fans when they tell me about themselves. I respond to comments on Instagram. I hadn't intended to verbally vomit while on an exercise bike, but hey, why not? Emma was sharing about feeling sluggish, getting fat, and having unstable moods. Although, I bet it was more feeling fat than actually getting fat. Still, sharing seemed appropriate.

I liked her response. No eye rolling or disbelief that someone in my profession or who looks like me could ever lack confidence. She's right. All the external validation in the universe doesn't change how I view myself some days. Reality has nothing to do with it.

Last night we’d talked for nine hours and hadn’t gotten this deep. Twenty minutes on an exercise bike and we’re talking anxiety and self-esteem issues. If last night’s light and easy set the stage for today’s self-disclosure it’s going to be an interesting day.

Emma did well. It was clear she'd worked out a lot. Her form and knowledge of what weight she needed was good. A couple of times I pushed her to go up in weight a little or do more reps. There were a few sets out of sync. Clearly, she's not doing anything wrong. She looks great. I couldn't keep my hands off her. I made up any reason to touch her.

We alternated between work and laughter. Best kind of work out. We were both dripping sweat when we finished. I put up the last weights, turned to her, and put my hands on my hips, "What next?"

The way Emma scrunched up her nose was incredibly cute, "I usually do a yoga class on Saturday." She looked at the clock on the wall, "Starts in fifteen."

I gave her a side eye, "Is this some sort of payback? Did I push too hard? " I raised my eyebrows, "Touch you too inappropriately?

She laughed, "No, you were the right amount of inappropriate."

I put my arm around her. "Ok, but we gotta be in the back so no one can laugh at me in downward dog."

She pulled me toward the door, "I promise not to laugh." She squeezed my waist, "Might check out your ass."

I pointed to my face and pretended to look shocked, "And I will be doing the same thing."

Emma led me to the back corner of the room and we sat down. Mirrors were everywhere. Yoga isn't completely foreign to me, but I'm positive I am nowhere near as flexible as the woman sitting next to me. It's intimidating. Probably how she felt an hour ago.

The room filled up and a very tall thin woman took her place on a raised dais at the front of the room. After introducing herself and welcoming everyone she commented on new faces in the room. She explained she would demonstrate modifications and those who brought guests should help. I leaned closer to Emma, "She's talking to you."

"Yeah, I got that."

I'm good at imitating physical movements, so I held my own. I didn't often opt for the modifications. I could do the poses, but I wasn't as smooth and solid as those around me. The mirrors I'd cursed earlier were now my savior. Even if I had my back to Emma I could see her in the mirror. I made faces at her. She laughed and got shushed by a too serious person nearby. I glared at Emma then looked at the susher, "Sorry, she had a little too much wine with breakfast."

Emma reached out and pinched the tender skin on the underside of my arm. My "ow" got us another evil glare, which only made Emma laugh again.

I'd found any excuse to touch her while we were lifting. Throughout yoga Emma returned the favor. Her touch felt so good. Like in the grocery it was light but definitely there. Sexual isn't the right word, although it could quickly go that way. Sensual. There's the word. Her touch is sensual.  
Also, very distracting.

I stopped paying attention to anything except where her hand had been on me. I did the poses, but definitely wasn't in the moment. Next thing I know everyone is standing on one leg with the other wrapped around and their arms are wrapped up too. I shook my head, "You gotta be fucking kidding me?"

Emma laughed much louder than my comment. Serious woman glared and shushed us. Again. Emma nearly fell over trying to unknot herself while trying not to laugh. She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room. Right outside the door she stopped and turned toward me. I almost ran into her. Instead I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, felt hers around my waist, and we held onto each other laughing.

This would be a perfect time for a kiss. Except for the tons of people wandering around and the coated in semi-dried sweat.

I took her hand and headed to the front, "I need to run outside and get my bag to shower."

Emma shook her head, "I have two bathrooms."

"You sure?" I wasn't hinting for an invite. I hadn't even been in her house.

"Absolutely. I have much nicer towels."

We walked outside and I pointed to the SUV, "I'll follow."

"I'm the red CRV." She pointed to a very shiny Honda.

Letting go of her hand was awkward as fuck. It was this weird pause and let go. We’re stuck in this in between limbo place. A quick kiss is what should have happened, but we're not in the quick kiss place. Oh, how much I fucking wish we were. I feel like there's a bright red balloon hanging just out of reach. My fingertips can touch it, almost get it, but no. I see the balloon, I want the balloon, I can feel it on my fingers, but I just can’t grab the fucking balloon. I can see Emma, I want to kiss her, I can touch her, but I can't find the first kiss.

I got in my vehicle and started talking to myself. I want a good first kiss. I kiss so many virtual strangers with no feelings and it means nothing. Just a physical act unconnected from a physical response. I don't want that. Call me a romantic, but a first kiss means something with someone you like. It's wrapped up in excitement and newness and hope. I want to feel it all. I want that little bit of nervous excitement right before. The jolt of electricity with the first touch of lips. And the falling in when you first taste each other.

Looks like it's going to be a cold shower.

Off in the distance I could see what looked like a carnival. I told the SUV to call Emma. "Hey, out there to the right, what's going on?"

"Memorial Day weekend festival. There's booths set up for local artists, farmer's market, and games for charities. There's a band stand for music and dance competitions. I guess you can see the carnival rides."

Even though she couldn't see, I was nodding my head. "Yeah, you wanna go? I love all that shit. Shower and relax a while first."

"Sounds fun." I could hear excitement in her voice. "I'm starving. How about running into Whole Foods and grabbing something off the salad bar?"

"Lead the way."

Emma turned off the road, took a couple of turns through a more residential area, and into the Whole Foods. I parked several spots down from her and jogged to where she waited at the end of her vehicle. She took my hand as we walked into the store.

It's nice to not always be the one to initiate contact. Let's me know she's interested too. She wants that contact, not just accepting it from me. I gave her hand a soft squeeze to let her know I'd noticed.

Once inside I watched her loading up her container, "Are you a vegetarian? No, you had chicken last night."

She added crumbles of blue cheese, "I don't really limit meat. I try to balance it out. And we'll be eating complete shit tonight."

"Good point." I dramatically bit off a huge chunk of a roll. "I love these."

She laughed, "Get me one. Never had them."

I circled back around to grab another roll before we headed to the check out.

Emma chatted with the cashier while he weighed our food and scanned our drinks. I remembered hearing Emma talk to the cashier yesterday at the grocery and our server last night. She fucking knows everyone. She also paid for lunch while I was preoccupied with her knowing everyone. I respect that. Don't really like it, but I respect it. I picked up the bag, took her hand, and headed out. I leaned closer, "Do you know everyone?"

Emma pointed to a spot above her left breast, "Name tags."

I tucked her in her vehicle, taking the food with me. Shit. I got in my SUV shaking my head and smiling. She's so fucking nice. Not nice as a boring word. She's just nice to people. She's a nice person.

I like her. And I like that I like her.


	10. Chapter 10

~*~Sebastian~*~

I parked next to Emma, grabbed the food, and followed her into the condo. The door opened directly into the family room. There were wood floors with a large patina gray and blue area rug. She had one of those couches with a chaise on one end. There was an oversized chair with an ottoman in the same dark gray. Tables sat at either end of the couch. Natural light flooded the room from a window on one wall and French doors on the other. A TV hung in the corner of the front door and window wall with a fireplace between the TV and windows. Pillows in a blue to match the rug and a dark berry were tossed on the chair and in the corner under the TV were a stack of three big floor cushions. My guess was they were for sitting in front of the fire. The room felt comfortable. I wanted to jump onto the chaise and hug one of the berry pillows.

I followed Emma's lead and kicked my shoes off in the entry. I don't wear shoes in my place either. New York streets are disgusting. I don't want that shit tracked through my home.

She headed left to the kitchen. It was an open floor plan with a breakfast bar separating the two rooms. Grey fabric bar stools tied the areas together. Lower cabinets where black, uppers white, Carrara marble counter tops, and black appliances. There was another window over the farmhouse sink.

"Wow. I love your kitchen."

She smiled at me over her shoulder, "Thank you."

I almost lost the ability to breathe. Her shy smile dropped my heart to my knees. She looked so beautiful with her hair messed up from where she'd pulled it out of the ponytail. Seeing her against the backdrop of her house... breath taking.

I put our food on the bar, "Can I use your bathroom?"

"Of course." She pointed to a door in the far corner of the kitchen. "Ignore the clothes."

I closed the door behind me. Laundry room and bathroom. Convenient. There was a pile of folded clothes on a long counter across from the washer and dryer.

When I came out, she had lunch set out. I sat on the stool next to her and put the roll I'd grabbed for her in the top of her take out container, "For you."

"Thank you."

I jumped in where we left off at Whole Foods. "It's really thoughtful how you use people's names."

"I think everyone likes to hear their name and most people don't even look at the person checking them out or bringing their food." She looked over from her salad, "It may sound naive, but I hope that small nicety makes their day better."

"Wouldn't be surprised if it did. I don't think it’s naive. It's nice. Lots of people don't think to do the nice thing. Those small acts of kindness can change the world for someone."

"Our brains involuntarily respond to the sound of our own names, even if we're unable to respond to or act on anything else." She smirked, "Can you ignore it when someone yells your name?"

I'd just shoved a forkful of salad in my mouth. I chewed and shook my head. "Nope." I pointed my fork at my ear. "I wear earbuds a lot." I cringed, "Don't take that the wrong way. When I'm at an event or on a stage and people are screaming my name it's... fantastic and humbling. I'd be crushed if they stopped. But when I'm going about my day it's easier. I know people who can ignore hearing their name, but I can't. So, if I hear my name I look over and usually it’s taken as an ok to come over and talk." I cringed again. "It is. I like talking to fans. I love hearing stories. Most people aren't rude." My shoulders slumped, "Sometimes I just want to get to the subway and go to my friend's place." I shrugged and tilted my head, looking at her, "Earbuds."

She nodded, "I get it. Those guys at the restaurant weren't rude and didn't stay too long."

"I don't like when someone interrupts when I'm eating. They waited and, like you said, didn't stay too long."

She looked curious, "What if they had?"

"The hostess recognized me, so management knew we were there. Usually, if someone stays too long or lots of people start coming over, management will clear them away. If they hadn't, I would have gotten us out of there."

She laughed, "Do you always know an exit route?"

"Not even close." I laughed too, "I'm good at winging it."

She ran her hand down my bicep, "If I made you uncomfortable, l'm sorry."

I'd done a lot of cringing in the last few minutes. "Nothing to be sorry about. I'd rather you ask." Pretty sure I was looking uncomfortable again. "I don't want you to think I don't realize how blessed I am."

Emma stopped me with another touch on my arm, "Not at all, Sebastian. Privacy shouldn't be the price you pay for doing what you love."

This would also be a perfect time for a kiss. However, one of us had a mouthful of blue cheese and spinach.

It wasn't me.

We laughed and talked about the gym while finishing eating. There was a lot to laugh about from the yoga class. The woman who kept shushing us scared me. It was a good thing Emma got us out of there. She didn't believe me and laughed. When she laughs, she gets the cutest dimple in her cheek. Just one. Left cheek.

Emma closed the lid on what was left of her salad, "You were right. The roll was delicious."

"I would never lie about bread." I was finished too and closed the lid.

Emma stuffed the containers back in the bag then into a garbage can under the sink. She came back around the breakfast bar, "I'll get you towels and show you where everything is."

I grabbed my bag and followed her up the stairs. The bathroom was the first door on the right. Emma opened the second door, pulled out a set of towels and a washcloth, and handed them to me. "Thank you."

"No problem." She pointed to the third door. "That's the guest room. You can use it if you want. I'll meet you back downstairs."

I nodded and walked into the bathroom. When I pulled my phone out of my shorts, I noticed the blinking light. My mom texted asking what time I'd be home and when I was leaving tomorrow. Fuck. I was taking the train back to the city tomorrow morning. I leaned on the counter and looked at myself in the mirror. I watched myself start to smile. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't taking a train anywhere in the morning.

Naturally, I over thought this in the shower. There were tradeoffs to be made. I felt guilty blowing off helping my parents to go to a festival with Emma. If I stayed through tomorrow it would negate skipping out today. I could leave Monday morning. But that was the holiday. Schools are closed. Wonder if Emma has plans? I had plans Monday, but nothing I couldn't skip out on.

I realize I've only known her twenty-four hours and I'm making decisions based on the rest of the day going well. I don't know why it wouldn't. This has been good and fun. Who the hell knows where it will go, but there's a little voice telling me not to go home yet.

I beat her downstairs and sent a few texts updating my plans while stretched out on the chaise. The remote was on the table next to me. I hit the power button and brought up something like Netflix, but wasn't.

I heard Emma come down the stairs and looked over, "Hey, what's this Plex thing?"

She sat down on the other end of the couch. Too far away. "You look really good in that color, Seb."

I looked down to see what I'd put on. Dark red t-shirt. "Thanks."

Emma smiled and nodded to the TV, "My father digitized his entire movie and TV series collection. Plex organizes everything. It's like your own personal Netflix."

I'd been poking around for a little while, "This is cool. How does it group things into collections?"

"We do it. I can sign into the server and add things to favorites or fuck around with Amy's."

I clicked on Fave-Emma. "You like a lot of reality TV."

Emma laughed, "That’s Amy messing with me. I hate reality TV. It's like the worst parts of people sensationalized for the masses. I don't like watching people be horrible to each other. I don't like people being put in prescribed situations and rewarded for being nasty."

It was cute how worked up she was. I must have smiled.

"What?"

I raised my shoulders, "No Survivor or Keeping up with the Kardashian's for you."

She understood I was teasing, "Or Big Brother or American MasterChef. Australian MasterChef is good. I like Great British Bake off and The Repair Shop. Polite British reality TV."

"What about movies?"

Her demeanor changed to wide eyed excitement. "Oh, they're completely different. They're not real people being horrible. It's scripted. I love in movies what I hate in reality TV. One of my favorite movies is 'Closer' and it's," she shook her head and cringed, "harsh."

I startled, "With Natalie Portman?"

She nodded, "Love it. It's one of the most honest movies I've ever seen."

I sat up, threw my head back, and put my hand up, pretending to be exasperated. "Honest? Everyone in that movie was a big fat liar." Her smile let me know she recognized the quote from the movie.

"Everyone is incredibly unlikable, but Larry didn't lie."

I raised my eyebrows.

She stuck her tongue out a little and pointed at me, "He was a horrible person, but not a liar. He was so hurt when Anna cheated."

I leaned forward, "No, no, no. That scene was horrifying."

"Yes, but it was real in how people can destroy each other. The whole interchange where he wanted to know all the details. Where they were, what they did. He even asked what the other guy's cum tasted like." She fell back onto the couch. “In a movie full of lies that was the most honest thing I've ever seen."

I leaned back, mirroring her. Partly because I wanted to pounce on her. The back and forth had been fun with both of us fervently involved in the conversation. Then she used the words “what his cum tasted like” and my brain short circuited a little. I laced my fingers on my chest and thought. I turned my head to look at her, "You're right. I remember sitting in the theater with my mouth hanging open. I thought it was the language, because it was almost obscene. Only now... I wonder if it was because it was a brutally unsanitized version of a break up."

She smiled and shrugged one shoulder, "Made you think."

"It's the teacher in you."

"Occupational hazard."

Important question. "Are first grade teachers allowed to say the word cum?"

She drew her eyebrows down with a look of disgust, "Not in front of the children."

I laughed so loud I startled myself.

Emma shook her head, stood up, and held out her hand to me, "Let's go play, Sebastian."

I took her hand, letting her pull me up. I put up enough resistance for her to drag me out the door. As soon as I closed the vehicle door behind her, I realized I'd missed the perfect moment. When she pulled me off the couch, I should have pulled her back, taken her in my arms, and kissed her.

I fucking missed it. Again.

We pulled out and Emma told me which way to go. “One of my favorites is similar. Husbands and Wives. It’s funny and tragic. It’s real too. You'd probably like it. Godfather. Lots of classics for the acting and film making. I loved Boogie Nights. Life of a male porn star. I enjoyed seeing how the porn industry worked."

"Tempted?" Mischief was in those green eyes.

"Porn and acting aren't always so very different. Scum bags in both." I wanted to hear more from her. "What do you love besides fucking cavemen?" Another quote from Closer.

"Um, Sliding Doors. Princess Bride. I like trilogies. Lord of the Rings is the best thing ever. The extended cuts. Dad is a huge Tolkien fan. He read us the Hobbit when we were little. We couldn't focus on reading the Fellowship, but the movies worked. Loved The Force Awakens.”

I could tell by what she didn’t say she wasn't in love with number two, "Opinion on Last Jedi?"

"Hated everything about Canto Bight. They made Poe both stupid and sexist." She growled, "Fucked up script."

I nodded. I was biting my tongue. I wasn’t a stranger to fucked up scripts. I wanted to ask. She would tell the truth, which was good, but I didn't know the way she'd go. Next stoplight I looked over, "Dare I ask?"

She laughed, "Don't care for the Hulk. Like Spiderman and Ant Man only in ensemble movies, not the solo films. Love Tony's genius and arrogance. I almost peed my pants because of fat Thor. Love Wanda and Nat. Love everyone in Guardians except Peter Quill and not just because he could have stopped Thanos. I thought I just didn't like Pratt because I didn’t like him in 10 Years and Parks and Rec, but loved Jurassic World. So its Peter. I can watch baby Groot dance all day. Did I miss anybody?" Her eyebrows were pulled down with the question she was facetiously asking.

I went with it. "Falcon. Hawkeye, Vision." Left out a couple of major players. The one’s I really wanted an opinion on. I put the ball back in her court.

"Snarky fun, steady, a bit over bearing." I just nodded and we were quiet. A few seconds passed before she put her hand on my arm, "I can't keep this up. Seems mean."

"A little teasing never hurt me."

She smiled and went on. "At the beginning Steve and Bucky were all boy. They ragged on each other and I didn't really care for either. I know they were best friends, but I didn’t like how they interacted. Bucky was cocky and dismissive of Steve. Steve was annoying in his earnestness. I liked how the characters grew. Beautiful bad boy, who’s not really bad. I like broken characters. Bucky is definitely broken. Was broken. We'll see."

I was good with her take on Bucky and Steve. I don’t completely disagree. "I hear there are plans for Bucky."

"You would know."

I nodded, "You thought Bucky was beautiful?" I said this with a straight face and looked at the road.

"Wanna know a secret?"

I guessed she didn't want to answer, "Sure."

"Bucky is much hotter than Steve."

"I think I'm glad to hear that." Yeah, more than good with her opinion.

Parking was a bitch. The positive about parking so fucking far away is I got to walk a couple of blocks down the street holding my date's hand. It's amazing how sometimes the simplest things make me happiest. Right now, I'm pretty damn happy.


	11. Chapter 11

~*~Emma~*~

I have no problem separating Sebastian from his characters. I'm also not star struck. I don't do that. What I struggle with, with Sebastian, is not knowing him well enough yet to know how he manages his fame. His life. Slowly it’s coming out. We're getting to know each other. There are moments where it's awkward, which is normal, but overall, I feel comfortable with him. He's funny and sweet and I like talking with him. I like joking and teasing. I like holding his hand and when he puts his arm around me. He's warm, solid, and strong. Fuck, does he smell good. The way his blue eyes sparkle when he smiles makes my heart beat just a little faster. He smiles so easy.

When I came downstairs to find him stretched out on my couch, I wanted to sit impossibly close to him. I wanted him to put his arm around me, lean back on couch, and hold me against him. Being at the festival will be good. We'll have fun, but what I really want is to be home, anywhere really, and next to him. Holding on to him at the gym... I want more. I want to feel our hands on each other. I want to kiss him so long that neither of us can breathe.

I must have drifted away because Sebastian squeezed my hand and said, "Hey, everything alright?"

His eyes were concerned and I wanted them to sparkle again. I thought I knew how to make that happen. "I was thinking how much I'm enjoying getting to know you."

"Me too." He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in tight. I had enough time before I was too close to see him smile and his eyes light up.

I tucked in tight under his arm and hooked my thumb in the belt loop of his jeans. We came out of the residential area to the festival grounds. It had grown since last year. More artisans and booths for games. A bigger stage for the dancers. The carnival even looked bigger.

Sebastian looked around, "I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this."

We started on the end with the artists and flea market booths. We jumped around, looking at anything that caught one of our eyes. Sebastian had eclectic taste ranging from eccentric to ultra modern. He talked a lot to the artists about their work. It was fun to watch when someone recognized him. There was a look that crossed their face, a double blink, a slight widening of their eyes. When it happened, Sebastian didn't miss a beat. He went on talking like nothing had happened. He was normal, so they were too.

Sebastian gasped excitedly when we got came to a booth with stained glass. "Mom loves stained glass." He moved among the displays stopping when he got to a half circle piece with colorful hummingbirds. He glanced at me, "She loves hummingbirds too."

This was sweet. "Is there a place for it in the new house?"

He nodded with a huge grin. "Yeah, there's a window shaped like this in the breakfast area. This will fit perfect and she'll love it."

The artist came over and Sebastian paid him, "We're parked eight years away. Can you hold it for me until a little later?"

"Sure. I'll wrap it up nice and tight." He nodded toward the back, "Put your name on and set it back there"

I didn’t think that was the best idea, "Put my name on it."

Sebastian smiled, "Good idea. We'll be back before close. Thank you. Your work is beautiful."

"You're welcome. I hope your mom enjoys the piece."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short. Expect another one in a couple hours


	12. Chapter 12

~*~Sebastian~*~

We wandered through the rest of the stalls holding hands, talking, and laughing a lot. Snips of overheard conversation led to us making up situations. A couple on a first date figuring out they have nothing in common, brother and sister looking for a birthday present for their parents, for a step parent they don't like, and a cheating couple looking to furnish their love shack. Lots of leaning together to whisper and pointing discretely. Sometimes not so discretely with Emma slapping my hands down or grabbing hold of a finger.

Next, we were in the games section. First stop I won a gold fish by bouncing a ping pong ball into its bowl. I’m sure that's not traumatic for the fish at all. We headed back in the direction of the stained-glass place to ask if he could wait there. He being the fish.

They’d put the little bowl in a little bag. I held the bag up eye level, "I’m not home enough for a fish.” I looked at Emma, "Do you want a fish?"

She shook her head, "No, but my students would love a fish."

I bowed and held the bag of fish out in front of me, "My lady, I won you a fish."

She curtsied with a smile, "Thank you, brave ball tosser." She took her phone out of her shorts pocket, "Take a picture for me."

Emma held the bag up to her face and put her lips to the bag. She gave the fish a kiss. The fucking fish I won got a kiss before me.

When I gave her the phone back she touched a few buttons and boom. Instagram.

Blarghhh. I hate my life right now. Not really, but you know. There are conversations that people who aren't me don't have to have. Don't even have to think about and I'm supremely jealous of those people. I hate them. I don't even know how to talk about this shit. Grrr. So, we'll talk about shit when it comes up or until it makes sense to have a lengthy conversation. One I don't know how to have. And don't want to have. I'm overthinking. Surprise! I mean, fuck, we just met. May not get to where we have to talk about this. Except we will.

We cut through the food section to get back to the games. Emma stuck her nose in the air and sniffed, "I smell something."

"I smell a lot of things." I cringed and shuddered. 

She glared at me, "Something good." Her eyes lit up. "Funnel cakes!" She hooked her arm in mine and pulled me in the direction of the food stand. "I haven't had one of these in forever." 

I caught up with her and got to the window first. "One, please." I looked at Emma, "Topping?"

"Powdered sugar. All the powdered sugar."

I laughed and turned back to the window, "You heard her. All the powdered sugar."

"Unless you want something else."

Is she kidding? The way she said “all the powdered sugar”. She can have whatever she wants. "No, powdered sugar it is."

"Oh god, that looks delicious." I handed her the plate and watched her pull off an edge. She held it out to me.

I leaned in with an open mouth and took the sugar covered bread. My lips barely touched her fingers. All I tasted was sweet. My mouth exploded as it hit my tongue. I pulled my eyebrows down with a moan, "This is delicious."

Emma popped a chunk in her mouth, licking the sugar from her fingers. "This is the best worst thing."

I nodded and tore myself off a piece. "The only ones I've had were topped with fruit. I thought these looked boring and an over sweet mess."

Emma laughed, "It is an over sweet mess."

We were standing to the side laughing at what a horrible but delicious thing we were eating and shoveling it in as fast as we could. It took no time for the whole thing to be gone and we were licking our fingers to dab up the sugar left on the plate.

She put her hand on her stomach, "Gonna get such a sugar rush."

“Probably should avoid rides for a few minutes."

Emma hooked her arm through around mine again, "Thank you for getting us that. Delicious."

"You're welcome." I noticed a game I wanted to play. It was one of those where you shoot water into a clown’s mouth to make his hat raise to the top. This is shooting. I can do this and win something better than a fucking fish. She needs a softy fuzzy thing to hug and make her think of me. Ooo, there’s a penguin.

Emma was all in and unfortunately was better at this than me. There were three races and she kicked my ass in all three. I faked a pout, "Mine was defective."

She said, "I'm sorry,” over her shoulder while picking out her prize. She got a four-inch stuffed bear. He was blue with a white bow tie. She put it up to my face, "He looks like you." She got out her phone and handed it to me, "I think you have more experience with selfies."

I had the camera in one hand and she put the bear in my other hand, close to my face. She got close with her eyes wide. She pointed to me and herself, celebrating her win. I went for droll with a tightly curved mouth, cutting my eyes to the bear.

Emma took her phone back and looked at the picture, "Perfect."

"Yes, you are." I put my arm around her, pulling her in tight. Apparently, it was time for one of those conversations. "Obviously, it’s your choice. But if you're going to put that on Instagram you might want to make your account private."

She bumped her hip against mine, "Always been private. Some things shouldn't be shared with just anyone."

"Oh yeah. Whatcha hiding?”

She thought for a few seconds. Her eyes went from considering to smiling. I think the considering was her being cute. "I'll show you.”  
Emma nodded to a bench a few booths down. I sat down first and noticed she sat right next to me, her leg pressed against mine. That was going to be very distracting during this conversation. I watched over her shoulder as she opened the app and took it off grid view. She handed it to me with a nod of her head. "Look around."

I wasn't terribly comfortable with scrolling through her Instagram. That she'd handed it to me helped, but it still felt invasive. The most recent was of her at the gym right before we met. She was laying on the floor pressed into an upward facing dog. Her body was tight and strong. Sweat coated her face and chest. I ran a finger down her back, perfect arch with her hips lifted off the ground. I looked away from the picture to her eyes, "You’re strong." I was thinking fucking hot. I looked back down. A pic of her getting kisses from a puppy. A patch of flowers. Out to drinks with friends, all drunk. School kids in front of tents in a circle around a fake fire. Emma was reading to them. They were all in pajamas. I pointed at her, "You look adorable in your Winnie the Pooh pajamas."  
She smiled, "Thank you. I love pajama day."

I looked at her phone then back to her, "You're pretty adorable any way." Before she could say anything, I added, "Let me try that again." I took a fake deep breath, "I think you’re very pretty, Emma."

"Thank you, Sebastian." We sat looking at each other for a moment too long. She looked down at her phone, "Keep going."

Dammit! I missed it again.


	13. Chapter 13

~*~Emma~*~  
I thought Sebastian was going to kiss me. It was a weird pregnant pause where a kiss would have fit well. Except we're in the middle of a festival. Surrounded by people with cameras on their phones.

Handing over my phone was no big deal. It would be a good thing. Might make things easier. I watched him scrolling through and saw when he was closing in on New Year’s.

"Where is this?"

He was pointing at the sunset on the beach picture. "Oahu. I go there most years between Christmas and New Year."

He scrolled further and I saw his eyes widen. "Is that... is that Eddie Vedder? Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder?"

I nodded.

"You go to Hawaii with Eddie Vedder?" He was cute when confused.

I laughed, "I go to Hawaii with Ed's family. Him, his wife, and two daughters."

His eyebrows went up, "Oh."

I continued, "Family friend. Been going there almost ten years. I've gone out on the road with Pearl Jam a couple of times."  
Sebastian ignored my statement and looked down at the next picture, "You know how to surf?"

"I do." It was one of my favorite pictures. Ed and I were walking down the beach with our surfboards under our arms. You could see we were talking about something and laughing. 

"I'm very jealous." He scrolled past a few more pictures before leaning back and stretching out his legs. I turned to sit sideways on the bench. He cut his eyes toward me before turning his head. "I was worried", he stopped and shook his head, "not worried. I don't know how to talk about fans and all the shit that is my life. Good shit. It's hard to explain the celebrity stuff without sounding like a complete asshole." He rolled his eyes, "Even saying that sounds like an asshole. Famous people date other famous people partly because it's hard to explain to other people. Something you can't understand unless you've been there and somethings are too much for someone outside to understand.” He shook his head, “I'm fucking this up."

"Not at all." I went ahead and asked, " Why'd you ask me out then?"

"Wanted to." He shrugged with a slight smile. "Sometimes I don't think. You gotta just go for it then overthink the fuck out of it late." He was very emphatic and making hand movements. He pointed at my phone, "Impulsivity worked out. I don't have to try to explain everything."

I nodded, "Different scale, but yes."

"How so?"

"Size versus intensity." That made him smirk. A dirty smirk at that. Kind of what I was going for. "Concerts can be twenty to eighty thousand, but there's a lot of security and distance. You've got comic cons and movie events with photo ops and autograph sessions for hours. Much more contact and the sheer volume of press around a movie release is staggering."

"I’d shit my pants in front of eighty thousand people."

That made me laugh. "Ed says the energy coming at you is like being rolled by a thirty-foot wave. Not that he’s ever surfed a thirty-footer." We laughed until I went serious. "I don't pretend to understand the positives and negatives you deal with, but I do know that no matter how hard you try, your normal is different than an accountant's normal." I shrugged. "I don't know how you manage your fame, but I know how to avoid questions, ignore pesky photographers, and have no problem hanging back or walking away."

"Good to know." Sebastian nodded with a slight smile. "I'm going to keep looking." He held my phone up and used his thumb to scroll down.

I turned around and leaned back. Not against the bench though. I leaned against him. His arm instantly went around my shoulders, his hand hanging free. I laced my fingers with his and looked at my phone, "That's Amy and my parents." It was a picture from Christmas.

I felt his chest shake with his laugh, "Clearly twins."

He was right. Our hair and style may be different, but we look exactly alike. "Can we take a stroll through your Instagram next?"

"Mine's not private." His tone deadpan and he didn't stop scrolling.

I elbowed him lightly. "Confession. I didn't follow you before we met and it feels creepy to suddenly follow now."

We were facing the same way so I couldn't see him, but he stopped scrolling. He hummed, "I think I like that." He stood, taking me with him. He handed me back my phone, "Let's go see what trouble we can get into."

Several games later we came out into the area with a stage. There were girls from the age of six to eighteen doing Irish dance. We walked closer, stopping on the far side of a pathway to watch. I heard my name and didn't hesitate to turn. It was a little voice I recognized and when I saw the voice's owner I smiled. She had black ringlets gathered in an extra high ponytail, a bright blue dress with an ornate neck and hemline, and white socks. I let go of Sebastian's hand and knelt down, "Alyson! How are you?"  
The little girl flung herself at me, "I miss you, Ms. Marcum."

"I miss you too. How's your new school?"

Alyson smiled, "Good. I have lots of friends."

I tapped her nose, "Of course you do. You were a very good friend in our room. And such a good reader."

Her parents were behind her, "I'm sorry, sweetie, we've got to get you to stage."

Alyson looked at her mom then back to me, "Will you watch me?"

"Nothing I’d love more." I hugged her again before standing up and speaking to her parents, "Nice to see you again."

They smiled and her mom took my hand, "You too, Ms. Marcum."

Sebastian took my hand, "We gotta get closer." He wove through the people hanging back and got us a good spot as the group on stage left. The next group wasn't Alyson’s. "How long do you remember names?"

I shrugged, "Don't know. She's third grade now, so at least two years. I’m pretty good with names."

I love seeing my students after they’ve left me. Dammmit, I wish I’d have gotten a picture with her.


	14. Chapter 14

~*~Sebastian~*~

After what she said about knowing my normal wasn’t accountant normal, fans, and press I had a lot of questions. I wanted to know where she'd been, what she'd seen, and what she'd done. I wanted to hear tour stories. I really wanted to hear about the after parties. I’ve been to my share, but I was an outsider. If she's spending family holidays in fucking Hawaii she is most definitely not an outsider. I want to hear what goes on when no one else is there to see.

I went back to her Instagram to buy myself some time. I wondered why now? Why didn't she show me this sooner? Pretty instantly I realized that was bullshit. What was she supposed to do whip out her phone and say, "Look who I'm friends with”? I waited to talk about my job and friends because I didn't want that stuff to be a focus. I wanted her to get to know me apart from what I do. I think her reasoning is different. She didn't want me to think she’s a stalker, but wanted me to know she knew how to handle herself and had experience with what I was struggling to explain. Like she’d said, music and acting are different, but same enough to make this easier. Whatever this is or might be.

I wanted to scroll through her Instagram for hours. I didn't want to move from this bench where my arm was around her, she was leaning against me, and she was holding my hand. I need to know what perfume she wears. It's sweet, but not cloying. Right now, it smells like "get closer and breathe me in." Her thinking it creepy to follow me on IG after one date... well, she's right. Not that I would have noticed. Still, it's the thought that counts. It’s respectful of my privacy. Not needed since IG isn't private, but again, it's the thought that counts. Not surprising. She's been nothing but thoughtful.

I had to get up and move. I didn't want to move, but I had to get up and move. It was like last night with conversation and flirting moving back and forth, in and out. It was time to walk back a little or I was going to suggest leaving here and going back to her place. It's weird when what you want to do is also what you don't want to do. Why don't I want to, you ask? Because this is too good to rush.

The little girl definitely changed the atmosphere. I took a picture I'd text to Emma later. I wasn't really focusing on the Irish dancing. I try to stay in the moment, but I was all in my head. I stood behind her, a little to the side, where I could see her and put my hand on the small of her back.

It was taking a chance asking out a girl I'd met in a grocery store. I'd like to say that every new couple has to figure out their place in the other's world and with friends. And while that's true, it's very different. Take all that normal stuff I just mentioned and tack on paparazzi, people posting things on social media, or selling stories to tabloids. Press will try to get to her, find out about her. Even worse, my fans will. They can be worse than any tabloid. They hold definite opinions on my life and three times as many opinions about my love life. I've taken a big step back from social media for those reasons and how awful fans can be to each other. That's the worst. I can ignore what they say to me and about a girlfriend, it’s part of it. But when they fight each other, bully someone who did nothing but have an opinion about me different from theirs. I hate seeing those posts

It’s hard to explain how much the outside shit can affect relationships and subtly the things I do. Be it wearing earbuds or laughing off questions about relationships. It’s not about denial, it’s about protection. Emma's relationship with Ed clears out having to explain a lot. Now it’s at most a conversation about specifics. She already has the framework. I breathed easier when I realized there was a framework. I don't have to teach her about celebrity life. I just have to teach her about me. How I handle things. Much easier.

I think it’s cool how we're both doing the same thing. Waiting for the right time to discuss situations instead of the contrived “We need to talk." Not too much of that anyway. We're letting conversation go off on its own, following where it leads, and reigning it in when needed. So, all the questions I had were going to have to wait. She'd let me know something private, trusted me with information on her. Outside at a crowded festival wasn’t the place for questions.

This was the place for fun and making memories. I came back to the moment when Alyson's group came on stage. I don't know if they were good, but it was fun to watch. We cheered when they finished and made our way in the direction the group had headed off stage. The girls were congratulating each other and their families were mixing in. Emma caught Alyson's eye, gave her a thumbs up, and we moved on.

Carnival rides were next. There were things which went in circles, swung back and forth, dropped out of the sky, and went fast. We rode them all. We screamed and laughed so much that my throat hurt. We took a break and hit the fun house. We were holding onto each other to make it through areas with moving floors, spinning tunnels, moving staircases, and a mirror maze. The haunted house was my favorite because Emma hid her face against my chest and held on tight. I was sorry to reach the end.

We grabbed some food and kept walking. We wound up back by the dance stage. Irish dancing was replaced with line dancing. The sun was down and the stage was full. I nodded in the stage's direction, "Can you do that?"

Emma laughed, "Sometimes. You?"

I shrugged and pulled her toward the stairs, "I guess we'll see."

We danced to country, hip-hop, and everything in between. Truthfully, neither of us were very good. I imagine previous attempts had been made with alcohol, which made us think we were better than we were. It was a lot of fun. Reminded me of yoga with more laughing and cursing. Only this time we weren't being glared at by other people.

No idea how long we were out there. The music ended with an announcement that square dancing was next and would start when the band was ready. We headed off the stage with everyone else. We were both breathing heavy. For me it was part exertion, part from near constant laughter, and part my date was hot as fuck.

Hot as fuck. Beautiful. Whatever. She kept pushing her hair back when it fell in her face. Her face and eyes were filled with joy when we were successful or so confused we nearly fell over. The way she moved her body to the music had me mesmerized. Part of why I’d found it so sexy was because she wasn't trying to be. She was having fun and letting loose. As much as I enjoyed last night, this was better. Maybe better isn't the right word. Like the island jukebox, just different. Last night was words and tonight was activity.

I held her hand behind me down the stairs. It was crowded and I turned to make sure she was with me, not getting stuck behind other people leaving. Emma jumped off the last step into my arms. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I held on around her waist. Her feet hung a few inches off the ground and I swung her a few times before letting her slide down my body. Very painful. She was close and left one hand on my shoulder, the other on my chest, "This has been so much fun, Seb."

I nodded, "It has. That was exhausting. Felt like another workout."

She nodded her agreement. I held onto her waist, not quite ready to let her go yet. "You ready to get out of here? Long walk to the vehicle."

"Yeah, and we have to pick up the window and the fish."

"Mmm, can’t forget the fish. Run by the grocery and get fish food."

We started walking, hadn't gotten too far before she had a suggestion, "It’s not too late. Would you want to watch a movie? Maybe some wine?"

I smiled broadly, "I would love that. I'm not ready for the night to end."

"Me neither."

I like knowing what's next. With our closeness tonight there's no doubt we'll be cuddled together on that couch. Something in the movie or us talking will pause. A pause that's perfect for a kiss. That's all I want. Anything else is topping on the ice cream.

Fish food and wine made for an interesting grocery trip. The guy checking us out looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I glanced at his name tag, "Trust me, Chris, it makes sense." He laughed.

In Emma's kitchen she tended to the fish, now named Mycroft, while I opened the wine. She handed me a pair of glasses and pointed toward the stairs. "I'm going to run to the bathroom. Pick out whatever movie you like."

I sat our glasses on the table next to the chaise and tucked myself in the corner. I went into her favorite collection and poked around. I picked a comedy and had it pulled up when she came back, "This ok?"

"Absolutely. Have you seen it?"

"I don't think so. I love everybody. Not sure how I missed it."

I hit play as she sat down close to me. I put my arm on the couch back, giving her an invitation. She tucked her feet underneath her and tucked herself in tight next to me. I took a deep breath, taking in the moment.

The next thing I remembered was waking up who knows how much later. The movie was back on the start screen, so at least two hours. I was still stretched out on the chaise. Emma was too. She was using my shoulder as a pillow and her leg was hooked over mine. Her arm lay on my chest and my arms were around her. I shifted my shoulder a little, trying to restore feeling to my fingers, but she stirred and I froze. Her face crinkled up a little then softened. At the same time her fingers flexed against my chest then relaxed.

I think I'm a good man. A good man in an interesting situation. A better man would carry her to her room and cover her with a blanket before leaving her a note and locking the door behind him. Saving them both from an awkward morning. Definitely sparring myself from questions from my mother about where I'd stayed the night.

I am not the better man.

I'm not even the next step down guy who leaves her on the couch under a cover, writes a note, and goes home.

I'm the good man who likes what's going on here. My hands are in safe zones and will stay there. I like the feel of her body warm against mine. I don't want to leave. I don't want to write a note. I want to go back to sleep, wake up and laugh our way through an awkward morning, and make plans what we're going to do after I finish helping mom move in.

In my sleepy state I decide I will never end up kissing her.

Next time I woke up there was a wonderful smell of coffee filling the room. I stretched my arms high and turned to look in the kitchen. Emma, in last night’s clothes, was pouring two cups. She saw me stretching, "Good morning, sleepy head."

I stood, stretching again, "How long have you been up?"

She smiled and put the cups on the breakfast bar. “I woke up a little bit ago, but was so warm and comfortable I didn't get up. You make a good pillow."

I sat on the stool, reaching for my cup, "Thank you. You were a good blanket." I watched her cheeks pink with embarrassment. I couldn't have that. "Please, tell me I didn't fall asleep first?"

Emma shrugged, "It was close."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember I'm just making up shit!   
> That said, I love this chapter.

~*~Emma*~*

Sebastian was totally asleep before me.

The movie couldn't have been at the five minute mark when he was out. I remember him saying his mom had him up early moving boxes and we were out very late the night before. I wasn't offended. He was tired. Besides, I liked curling up against him and letting myself drift off.

Once I fell asleep I didn't wake up until morning. I'd fallen asleep curled up next to him and awakened draped over him. I lay there enjoying the feel of him for several minutes before my bladder insisted I get up. If he wouldn't have woken by the time coffee was ready I would have woke him. It made me smile to watch him stretching. He came over to the breakfast bar rubbing his face and looking like a rumbled little boy.

Sebastian took the cup I offered and I walked around the breakfast bar to sit beside him. He took a sip and looked over, "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."

I smiled, "Don't think another thing about it."

He laughed, "Ok, that is the most Southern thing you've said. Pretty sure I heard your accent kick in too."

"I always have an accent." I'd never had a heavy southern accent and years in New York had lessened the slight residual twang.

Sebastian bobbled his head side to side, "Yeah, so do I. Sometimes more than others. I’ve been in Atlanta enough to know what to listen for. I've been waiting. I love southern accents."

I smirked as I brought the cup to my lips, "You'll have to get me drunk."

He snorted a laugh, "Gladly. What's the rest of your weekend look like?"

"Sundays my rest day." I went on with the question which had been lingering in my mind. "When are you heading back home?"

"My place or mom's?"

"I meant your place." He already knew this. He was playing with me. Good.

Sebastian turned the stool to face me, lacing his fingers in front of him. "I was supposed to be on a train now. I changed my plans yesterday. See, I met this woman I wanted to get to know better" He grinned sheepishly, "and felt guilty for bailing on helping my parents. So sometime tomorrow?" He leaned back to pull out his phone, "I think for the second day in a row my mom's texts have woke me up."

I grimaced with a chuckle, "Are you in trouble for staying out all night without calling home?"

"I’m sixteen all over again." He went into his messaging app and scrolled down a little. He took turns looking at his phone then me, telling me what the text said. "Asking what time I’d be home this morning. Twice. Admonishing me for staying gone all day. And night. Long one about her understanding I wanted to see you, but I was here to help and leaving this morning." He looked confused and scrolled further back, "I know I sent her my change of plans.” He tapped the screen when he found the text. He spoke out loud as he typed, "I'll be home soon. Check earlier texts. Not leaving yet. Today is yours. Love you." He set his phone on the counter.

"Sorry I got you in trouble."

"There's been a lot of apologizing for an innocent night sleeping on a couch." We both laughed. Even harder when his phone buzzed with a text. He looked down, "She's sorry she missed the text and I should bring you with me."

"Helping out is the least I can do." I spoke before thinking, "I understand if you don't want that."

"Wouldn't have said it out loud if I wasn't good."

I was feeling self-conscious. I hadn't invited myself, but it felt kinda like I had. Going to his parents to help move was a weird thing to do. But hell, what hadn't been weird. Nine-hour date, yoga class, line dancing, and falling asleep. All with no kissing. On second thought, helping move his parents into their house fit perfectly with the last two days.

"I need, like seven minutes."

He smiled, "I'll have another cup of coffee."

I ran upstairs to take the world's fastest shower, wash my face, brush my teeth, and change clothes. I put on shorts and t-shirt before pulling my hair into a ponytail. I skipped down the stairs,  
"Ready."

Sebastian looked at me then his phone, "Wow, that was under seven."

We met behind the chair. I rubbed his bicep, "Didn't want to get you in more trouble."

"Worth it." He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around me in a soft hug. Close to my ear he said, "You smell amazing. What do you wear?"

"Prada Candy.” His breath against my ear was almost more than I could manage. His beard scraped my shoulder near my neck and I felt a shiver.

Sebastian must have noticed. He pulled me in tight again, just long enough for me to memorize how pressed against him felt. The hard wall of his chest, tightness of his stomach, and the strength in his arms.

He groaned, "We better go." He moved away, grabbing my hand as we headed out the door. In the car he unlocked his phone and handed it to me. "Text mom we're on our way."

I snickered a little when I took the phone. A few seconds after I hit send it vibrated with a response.

Mom ~ Is Emma coming with you?

Seb ~ Yes. This is Emma. He's driving.

Mom ~ Wonderful. Have you eaten?

Seb ~ No. Do you want us to pick up something? I know a great bakery.

Mom ~ That would be great. Thank you. Looking forward to meeting you.

Seb ~ You too

I looked up from his phone to see where we were. "We need to take a right at the next light. I offered to pick up breakfast."

Sebastian shook his head with a smile, "Oh... she's going to like you."

"I'm very parent friendly. Although, I've never done the parent thing on day three."

"Me either. First time for everything."

Today was starting out as unique as the last two days. I didn't mind. It was exciting and calm all in one. Exciting because I didn't know what was coming next. Calm because I didn't care. Being with him felt very natural. It reminds me of when I met my best friend, Angie, Eli's wife. We never did small talk. We just clicked and started having these real conversations and joking around like we'd known each other for years. We didn't dump all our secrets, like Sebastian and I hadn't, and there were still those apprehensive moments, but we felt safe enough to just talk.

I feel that safety with Sebastian. The 'does he like me' feeling seemed to be all about the failed first date kiss. It wasn't there at the restaurant and was gone at the gym. Several times I've felt something was surreal. Most recently texting his mother. Bizarre, yet somehow perfectly normal.

What is bizarre and not normal is the continued lack of kissing. Unless I'm reading things really really wrong it doesn't make sense. I'm taking breakfast to his parents’ house after he spent the night sleeping with me on the couch, for fuck’s sake. Then there's the interesting bit about him delaying going home for two days. I don't feel comfortable initiating a kiss. Too many questions about what went wrong the first time. Not a fear of rejection, but a fear he backed off for a reason. If that's some sort of boundary for him, I have no right to push. I do have the right to ask though.

We arrived at his parents’ house with an obscene amount of breakfast baked goods. Mini quiches, muffins, pastries, and bagels. I had to smack his hands to keep him out of the box. This is becoming a thing with us. I’d smacked his hands at the festival too. I can think of a list of things he could do that would not result in my smacking his hands away. Probably not the best thoughts to have as we're pulling in the driveway.

Sebastian was to my side of the SUV before I could get out. He took the box and my hand before heading to the side door. "Mom's Georgeta. Step Dad is Anthony."

I looked horrified, "I can’t use their first names."

Sebastian smiled, "I dare you to try anything else."

He let go of my hand to open the door, holding the box above his head to allow me to pass. "We're here."

A voice came back, "Kitchen, Sebastian."

He took my hand again and lead the way. His parents were sitting at a table in a sunny breakfast area that over looked the deck and pool. The view looked incredible and I wanted to spend some time out there today.

When they saw me behind him they stood and came over to greet me. His mom reached me first, "Emma, so nice to meet you. I'm Georgeta and this is Anthony."

Sebastian said something in what I assumed was Romanian. Georgeta patted my hand, "Of course you should call us by our first names."

I narrowed my eyes at Sebastian and waited while he and his mother had a chat. I looked at Anthony, "Do you speak Romanian?"

His smile was friendly and reached his brown eyes, "Just enough."

Sebastian had put the box on the table and came back to me, "I was explaining you're from the south where things are proper."

I nodded, "When I first came to New York a server got angry with me for using ma'am and thanking her."

Georgeta looked at me, "If you'd rather.."

I interrupted by shaking my head, "No, it’s whatever you’re comfortable with."

"Georgeta it is." She said something to Sebastian that made him smile.

He leaned in and whispered, "She said you're very sweet." He started to move away, but reversed to hug me. He whispered in my ear, "I think so too." He held on a few seconds longer before letting me go and moving to the table.

I had to stifle a groan and get my shit together fast. I'm having breakfast with the parents, but shit, today is apparently hugging day and his voice went straight to my spine and sent a shock out in every direction.

Thankfully my breakfast contribution was a big hit. Sebastian nodded toward me, "Emma knew the house when I told her where it was."

His mother looked at him then me.

"It's been empty for a long time. The family that lived here had inherited it from their grandparents. When their daughter got married she moved to Colorado or Arizona. I can’t recall which. The parents followed when the grand babies were born. Took awhile for them to decide to sell. The community was happy there’s be new people to love it."

Anthony spoke up, "The agent told us the house had been well loved." He put his hand on his wife's arm, "And now it's littered with boxes."

Sebastian clapped his hands together, "We're all yours. What do want us to do?"

I jumped in, "I’m a great organizer."

Georgeta showed me the guest bathroom and linen closet while she sent Sebastian for boxes. She was going to work on the guest bedroom across the hall. If I had any questions she'd be right there.

She waved her hand around the bathroom, "I'm not fussy."

Sebastian walked up with a stack of boxes, "Mom just wants things out of boxes and put away."

I understood too well. I moved from the city to an apartment to my condo in under a year. "You never know where things go until you've used the space for a while."

His mom nodded, "Exactly."

"There's about four more. I'll be back."

By the time Sebastian had brought all the boxes I was sitting on the floor putting things under the sink. He squatted down next to me and brushed a lock of hair behind me ear, "You ok with this?"

"Sure." His mom said something in Romanian that made him roll his eyes. "What did she say?"

"Something about work before play."

I laughed, "Better get to it before you get grounded."

He cringed, "Yeah, that would be bad." He put his hand on my head and pushed himself up. "See you in a bit."

I really was good at organizing. There's not a lot of storage in a classroom, but there's a lot of things to store. When I finished in the bathroom I went across the hall. "I’m about to start on the linen closet. Anything I can help you with?"

"Help making the bed would be nice."

I went to the far side of the room where the bed linens were stacked. I found the mattress pad and started shaking it out over the bed. "Sebastian said you teach music. Are you going to offer lessons here?"

"Mmm, probably. I was thinking to retire, but I know I' II start to miss teaching. You understand."

Onto the fitted sheet, "I love summer break, but I start to crave the structure and want to get to know my new kids. My parents wanted us, my sister and I, to take piano lessons. I wanted to play volleyball."

"It's never too late. Are you musical at all?"

I nodded, "I can play guitar. Had lessons every day for over a year. At least an hour of practice on top of that."

"Were you playing volley all too?"

"Yes. It was my senior year. I had volleyball practice after school. Homework before dinner and then guitar lessons and practice. Playing was my zen, how I relaxed. I know this is weird, but I liked struggling with a new chord or a new part of a song. I needed to learn to push through the frustration to get to success."

Georgeta laughed, "You'd be a good student. I like ones who got angry instead of defeated. They push until they beat what was in their way."

We finished with the duvet and pillows. She lifted a frame off a dresser and handed it to me. The frame was a beautiful blue scroll work. It took a moment for me to focus on the picture, "Is that Sebastian?" She nodded. "He’s so little and the water is gorgeous." Sebastian couldn’t have been older than three.

"The sea wasn't so far from our apartment. His grandparents would take him there for some fresh air and to play. No one had much then. I think Sebastian is in his head so much because he grew up trying to anticipate what was coming next. Even a child can feel the chaos and despair."

"He hasn’t talked much about then. I haven't really seen the overthinking."

"He's worked hard to let the waves roll over him. I'm proud of him. You'll meet the stuck in his head overthinking soon enough."

"With any luck." My eyes went wide when I realized what I'd said.

She laughed, "I hope you're both lucky."

I looked toward the door, "I'm going to start on the linen closet."

"Thank you for your help. I'll head to the kitchen."

Filling up a linen closet is a lot like Tetris. Only without the time element and you can move the pieces. I was stretching up to put tablecloths on the top shelf when Sebastian snuck up on me. I felt a hand on my back and a voice say," Hey."

I jumped and screamed, "Shit!" The table clothes rained down on our heads.

"Oh shit, I’m sorry."

He would have been more believable had he not been laughing.

I spun around and found myself in his arms. He put a hand on my head and held it to his chest. "I didn't mean to scare you." His chest shook with suppressed laughter.

I held onto his back. His muscles were stretched with his arms around me. I slid my hands down either side of his spine and let them rest on the sides of his hips. It was that or grab his ass. I was so very tempted. "I startle easy."

Sebastian snickered, "I can tell." He took a step back, taking my hands, "I wondered if you needed some help."

I looked at the scattered fabric at our feet, "I do now."

He gritted his teeth and shook his head, "I suck at folding."

I bent down to pick up one, "I'll fold you put up."

"I can do that."

After giving him the first one I paused to watch him stretch. The muscle definition in his arms and torso was fascinating. The second time I put my hand on the back of his shoulder to feel the movement. Sebastian didn't seem to mind. The last one I put my hand on his shoulder and walked past, dragging my hand diagonally to trail off his waist. His stomach jumped a little with the slight contact. I drifted toward the guest room, "Your mom showed me a picture of you."

"How embarrassed should I be?"

"Not at all you're playing on the beach. She said it wasn't far from your apartment." I led him to the picture.

He picked it up and stared at it a long time. I was afraid this was a mistake, but his mouth started to turn up in a smile and his blue eyes twinkled. "This was a good day."

"You were awfully young. What do you remember?"

"Not much. I don't remember what was going on. Just that we went to the sea. It was warm and sunny. I remember it being a happy day."

“It's beautiful."

He nodded, "The beach always felt like a different word. In Constanta everything was controlled. Curfew, food we were allowed, heat and electricity were all controlled by the government. We never knew what we would have from day to day. At the beach it was the same not knowing what you were gonna get, but it wasn't a regime dictating. It was the phase of moon. It was natural. I was happiest watching the water, it turned to a love of tides and the moon, and then I became a space nerd." He pointed at the picture and looked at me, "This was a good day, a beginning.”

"Thanks for sharing it with me."

He nodded with a sweet soft smile. “Besides seeing if you needed help I was coming to get you. Mom wants organization help in the kitchen."

"What are you doing?"

"Moving boxes to the kitchen and helping dad with the family room."


	16. Chapter 16

*~*Sebastian*~*

I really should be given a lot of credit for how long I stayed away from Emma.

Day one I couldn't stop holding her hand. Day two I had to touch her. Day three all I want to do is hold her. Well, not all I want.

Since I woke up with her in my arms there's a part of my brain constantly on the look out for how to get her back there. I have to admit I’m not super confident because my brain has failed me numerous times in trying to figure out kissing her. Had it helped me out with the kissing I wouldn't be so fucking desperate to hold her. Probably wouldn't be talking so much to myself either, but that isn't really unusual. Maybe just different topics.

My mom is having fun with this. I'm not always translating everything she says. She told me Emma was beautiful and she understood why I hadn't come home. She told me I had to work for at least an hour before I could see her. Then she sent her to the opposite side of the house from me and stood guard across the hall.

When I was "allowed" to see Emma again I scared the shit out of her. It was fucking hilarious. When I grabbed her into my arms I held her head against my chest so maybe she wouldn't know I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn’t stop laughing until she ran her hands down my back. It was the same barely there sensual touch that went from my shoulder diagonally down and around to the side of my stomach. I closed my eyes to enjoy it and imagined it didn't stop there. So when she led me into the guest room, a room with a bed, it took every ounce of self-control in my body not to throw her on the bed and cover her with me.

The picture snapped me out of those thoughts. It had been years since I’d seen it. It was full of happy memories of a good time in an otherwise gray period. I wasn't old enough and I think mom shielded me from much. She tried to make whatever food we got something fun for us to build meals around. It wasn’t that we didn’t have food. We didn’t have a lot and we didn’t have choices. We played a form of bingo with what we'd get. Meat, dairy, and fruit were coveted. Except that one weird cheese that we got every six weeks or so. Nothing made it not horrible.

I can't remember telling any other girlfriend about how the beach in a communist country taught me freedom and curiosity that culminated in me being in a NASA movie. Coolest thing ever. Now I’m in the guest room telling secrets I barely remember. Frightening secrets for a kid. There's really no way to escape that without carry some things with you. I don't talk much about Romania because I don’t remember much, but what I do remember I don’t really want to talk about. I wonder if my mom planted the picture for me to share a happy memory.

I dropped Emma off at the kitchen and went back to the family room. Anthony and I headed out to the garage to find a couple of things he knew were missing from the room. Back inside we started arranging things. The kitchen wasn't far away. Every so often I'd catch words or a sentence. They were talking about winters and snow removal. I listened closer when mom asked where and how long she'd lived here. Nothing I didn't know. As Emma explained where her place was, she told mom about local shops and answered questions about the area. Very sweet.

Meanwhile in the family room we got things arranged based on where the TV hung on the wall and came to the realization it was all wrong. I yelled for mom. Emma followed her into the room. Mom looked around, "This is all wrong."

A ridiculous amount of time later we'd rearranged everything. The only thing left was for me to move the TV and rewire everything. I'd be an expert by the time we were done. Mom suggested a break and went to get beers.

I flopped onto the couch and when it looked like Emma was going to sit too far away, I grabbed her hand to pull her closer. Damn near landed her in my lap. Wouldn't have been a bad thing. I recreated the scene from the bench last night with my arm around her shoulder and her holding my hand. That left each of us with a free hand for beer. Emma turned a little where she was leaned against me and laid her head back on my shoulder. I buried my nose in her hair, breathing her in until mom brought back beer.

I doubt this was what Emma had in mind when I suggested she come with me. Mom and Anthony were talking so I gave Emma's shoulders a squeeze to get her attention. "Not much of a rest day for you. I'm feeling selfish. I wanted to spend more time with you.” I was coming clean. I wasn't going to apologize because that would be a lie.

She smiled, a sweet almost shy smile, that made my stomach flutter. "I wanted to spend more time with you too." Her smile tuned to a smirk, "So don't suggest taking me home unless you're ready for me to leave. I'm enjoying myself."

"No problem."

Mom's voice broke the moment, "Emma, have you had Romanian food? We were thinking dinner and a movie. If my son gets the TV hooked up."

"You've just given me motivation, mom."

I felt Emma laugh more than heard her. "No, I haven't and sounds great. Thank you."

Anthony stood up, "Let's get back at it."

Mom excused Emma from the kitchen after Anthony and I got the TV sorted. He went to his office. Mom stayed in the kitchen and I got an assistant for hanging shit and putting up books. There were an obscene number of books. Thankfully they were sorted into boxes in a way that made alphabetizing them by author not so much a pain in the ass. The ease with which Emma alphabetized the titles within each author was super hero like. My job was to hand them to her. By the respectful way she handled them I knew she loved books. She took a stack from me, "Do you like to read?"

I nodded, "I've read most of these. I’ve always liked to read. I do a lot of reading to research characters.”

"Like what?"

I went with the most obvious. "For the Winter Soldier and Bucky I read a lot about psychopaths and PTSD. They’re really two different characters, maybe four.. True crime procedural stuff for Destroyer. Way more space shit than I needed for the Martian. Loved the book."

"Do you prefer non-fiction to fiction?"

"Pretty equal. I'm usually reading a couple of books at a time. I switch back and forth. I love Harlan Coben from before they were making his books movies. Have you read anything of his?"

Her eyes shifted up as she thought. "The one that was a French film. His wife dies then like ten years later he gets a message."

At the same time we said, "Tell No One."

I continued, "Loved that one. He writes lots of those thriller mysteries and has a series about a detective. Lots of humor and his best friend is a millionaire sociopath. Those are fun. Always reread classics and my favorite novel is changing all the time. A lot of mindfulness, Buddhism."

Her eyes lit up, "Have you read Illusions by Richard Bach?"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"It was written in the seventies. We passed it around in college. Once you read it you had to buy a copy, highlight some of your favorite bits and give it away. Basically, a Messiah is training his replacement. He gives him a handbook only the pages are empty, except when he opens it, he finds answers."

"I think you can do that with anything. Even a newspaper." This was turning into another one of those great conversations like music and movies. I knew it would.

She was nodding quickly, "Me too. It is full of short insights. My favorite is "You're never given a wish without the power to make it come true. You might have to work on it, however." It's a faux Christian eastern religion self-help novel."

I laughed, "That's great."

"Yeah, we'd get high at frat parties and talk in Illusion and movie quotes." She snorted laugh.

"Did you break into the pantry for snacks like we did?"

"Of course. Always cheese."

I was amused by the thought of Emma as a grunge loving stoned psuedo intellectual. Made me remember my days as an 80's music loving stoned theater major space nerd. College was fun.

Back to books. "What's your guilty pleasure reading?"

"This is my Jessie's Girl." We shared a smile. "I love paranormal romance."

"Paranormal romance? "I repeated." Ghosts and shit?"

"Oh no. Vampires, dragons, shapeshifters."

I couldn't hide my smile, "Way worse than Jessie's Girl."

She glared at me, "It's close."

Her glare turned to a smile then a laugh and I had to hug her. I wanted to hold on to the moment, take in how much fun this was. The conversation, the teasing. She felt like an old friend I'd just met. Only with a lot more sexual attraction. The kind that had me noticing how every curve of her body was pressed against me. Had me wanting to run my hands on top of her clothes before moving underneath them. Wishing she'd slide her hand under my shirt so I could feel her touch my skin.

I took a step back, "Hit me with the details."

She laughed again, "There's two series I love. Some variation of a testosterone filled alpha male who thinks he's rescuing a woman who ends up being his soulmate and saves him. One is grounded is Greek mythology and finding his mate can literally free his soul and the other creates its own mythology. One or both always have a heartbreaking past, there's something they have to go through, and then the happy ending. They're well written and incredibly satisfying."

"Do you believe in that?"

She drew her eyebrows together, "Happily ever after?"

I shook my head, "Soulmates."

Emma looked at the ceiling, screwed up her face, then looked back at me. "The chickenshit answer is people come into our lives for a reason and go away when they’ve served their purpose."

I wasn't so sure. "Not necessarily chickenshit."

"I meant the safe answer.” She bit her lip and continued, “I do believe in soulmates. But I don't think there's necessarily one person for anyone. A soulmate a twenty might be different than a soulmate at forty. People change and grow, so it makes sense your perfect partner might not stay perfect. You can grow together or grow in different directions. I'm a hopeful romantic."

I liked that. "I think some people use the concept of soulmate to not work for it. It takes a lot of work and vulnerability to be with another person. Hell, to be with yourself. It's hard to be honest with yourself sometimes, forget about laying yourself bare to another person." I shook my head, not believing the strange direction this had gone. "I'm not always that brave."

We'd gone from laughter to this intensely intimate place. I'm talking about how difficult it can be to be vulnerable, which is a very vulnerable thing to do. Maintaining eye contact was hard.

"Everyone struggles with being brave.”

The matter of fact way she spoke reminded me of the gym when we were talking about insecurities. This was the second time I’d shared something and she didn’t try to convince me I was wrong. She accepted what I’d said as true for me. She’d accepted me. Well, now, there’s a thing. I smiled. “I think it’s about finding someone you’re ok being afraid with and is brave enough to be afraid too."

Slowly she started to smile, “Awfully deep conversation we’re having.”

“No shit! How the fuck did we get here?” I shook my head and laughed. “I think we were talking about Jessie’s Girl.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” She joined in laughing before learning forward to lay her forehead on my shoulder.

I put my hand on the back of her neck and leaned my head against hers.


	17. Chapter 17

~*~Sebastian~*~

After books came picture hanging. Mom led the way and picked precisely where everything went. Emma handed me picture hangers, kept up with the level, and took the hammer while I placed pictures. I wasn't at all subtle with the way my fingers ran over hers as I took a nail. She wasn't exactly subtle with how close she stood to me. If I wasn't acutely aware of her, I would have bumped into her several more times than I intentionally did. And strangely enough when I did accidentally on purpose brush against her, she was there to greet me with a hand on my back so I didn't step on her or on my arm so I didn't turn into her. Hard to know which I liked best. Probably the hand on my back because she was closer and I could brush against her in ways that pleased me. Back at the linen closet I thought I'd done good hiding my reaction when she drug her hand across my back. Her fingers trailed around my side, barely crossing over to my stomach before drifting away. Innocent enough in a maddening way. I mean how could she know the patch of skin on my left side right on the curve where side meets stomach and even with my navel is in my top three erogenous zones. Right now, with her targeting that spot its zoomed up to number one. I'm left with the conclusion that Emma knows, or at least suspects, exactly what she's doing to me.

While Emma and I succeeded in an exercise in subtle physical flirting mom wanted to talk. Most of the conversation was about food. Part of this was mom checking out if there was anything Emma didn't like so she could adjust dinner. Apparently, mom had stocked up at the grocery yesterday. The same one I'd been lost in. Or maybe I'd been found.

Mom asked if Emma could cook. Emma looked embarrassed, "Yes, but a lot of southern food."

I heard "just a teacher." I couldn't leave at alone. "The food we were getting in Atlanta was amazing. Muss and Turners was amazing a we all loved the Varsity. Not exactly southern, but in the south. What's your favorite home cooked meal?"

Emma licked her lips like she was tasting her thoughts. I wanted to taste them too. Her lips, not her thoughts. "Chicken fried steaks with biscuits and gravy, green beans, and potatoes. Breakfast was often fresh biscuits with homemade jelly. Apple, raspberry, or blackberry. Catfish with hash browns and roast vegetables.

I heard my stomach growl and put my hand on my stomach, "You're making me hungry. All sounds so good."

Mom smiled at me, but talked to Emma, "You'll have to cook for him."

I glared at mom then laughed. "She worries about me."

Emma poked my stomach, "That's what mom's do. You can't cook, can you?"

I grabbed the poking finger, holding onto her hand. "Enough to survive."

"New York has a lot of take out."

"Thank you!" I stuck my tongue out at my mom like the child I was.

We finished in the master bedroom upstairs and at the other end of the house from the family room. We headed back downstairs and Anthony yelled for me. He wanted help in the office. Mom and Emma went on without me.

When we were done, I could hear mom in the kitchen and assumed Emma was with her. I walked into the room to find I was wrong. I spun in a circle looking for her. "Where'd Emma go?"

"Out on the deck." Mom motioned to the backyard. "Dinner will be a while yet. Go enjoy the view."

I kissed her cheek and went out the door.

Emma was standing with her hands on the deck railing. She'd pulled her hair out of the pony tail. There was just enough of a breeze where I could see a few strands move. I wanted my fingers there. I also wanted to put my hands on her shoulders, run them over the curve of her waist, and wrap my arms around her stomach. Then I could bury my face in her hair and move it aside to kiss along her neck.

Not that I've been thinking about it. At all.

I made enough noise to not scare her again. I ran my hands from her elbows to her hands and laced my fingers with hers.

Emma leaned back against my chest, "Hey there."

This was going well. I turned my head to bury my nose in her hair, "I thought I'd lost you."

She shook her head slightly, “I walked by the window and saw the deck and the view.” She nodded out toward where there was a split in the tree line. The sun was setting perfectly in the gap behind a line of mountains in the distance.

Not paying attention to the sky I mumbled, “Beautiful.”

“You can’t see the sky.”

“What I see is beautiful.” I pulled her a little to the side and looked at her profile with a smile.

Emma turned her head to meet my eyes and squeezed my fingers. I watched her eyes shift from my eyes to my mouth and back again. Before the moment could become awkward, Emma let go of my hands and turned around. I took a step forward, backing her against the railing, and pressing impossibly close to her. I let go of the rail when her arms tightened around my waist. I folded around her and let out a breath.

This is what I'd been craving all day. It had been a good day for hugs, but this was different. Standing her holding her was .... I don't know. Lots of things. Warm. Calm. Exciting. I liked the feel of her this close to me. Her body pressed against mine where I could feel her breathe. Her breathing wasn't normal. Neither was mine.

"Am I reading things wrong?"

I relaxed my hold and pulled my head back, "What?" I heard what she said, but wasn't sure what she meant. My eyebrows were knitted together.

She looked up at me, "We always touch. There's never a time we're not touching. But..." She was considering her words. "We've never kissed."

Her simple statement didn't blame me. "We've" never kissed. I took the responsibility on anyway. Standing here looking in her amazing green eyes I wasn't the least bit concerned about answering the unasked question. Why? Thinking back to our earlier conversation I realized she was being brave to ask and now it was my turn to be brave enough to answer. At least for right now we were ok with being vulnerable and scared together. That's a good start.

I smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers pull through to the end. So silky. I took a strand between my fingers, twirling and pulling down the length as I talked. "You're not reading anything wrong."

I closed my eyes and took a breath to center myself. When I opened my eyes Emma was looking at me like she adored me. Wow. I shook my head and my shoulders dropped. "I told you I get anxious and overthink things." She nodded with a soft smile and rubbed her thumb on the skin right above my jeans. No idea how her hand got under my shirt. Also, don't give a fuck. "I wanted to kiss you at the grocery, but fifteen minutes in was to soon unless I wanted you to think I was just out to get laid." I crinkled up my face and shook my head a little, which made Emma smile. Good. Because this conversation is kind of ridiculous and easily ended if grabbed her right now and kissed her. Like I wanted to. But, she deserved an answer to her question.

"When I’m in character and kiss someone there’s a detachment. The characters are interacting, so while I am physically kissing there’s not the emotional part. My character feels it, not me. I want a good first kiss with you. I want that anticipation, the hit of adrenaline, the falling into it. The storm screwed up the good night kiss when I took you home. Then the overthinking started. I keep looking for the perfect moment. I only find it about thirty seconds after it's passed. I'm stuck in this endless loop of wanting to kiss you, wanting to find the perfect moment, and watching it go by." I hoped my voice didn't sound as frantic as I felt. Might as well lay it all out there. "And now I'm afraid I won't be able to stop."

She tilted her head, "Stop looking for the perfect moment?"

I shook my head very slowly, "Stop kissing you. Until we're naked and exhausted." Fuck, that hurt.

Without saying a word Emma let go of my waist and started to turn around. Shit. I’d read things wrong and gone too far, "Em’."

Emma looked at me over her shoulder as she turned. Her green eyes sparkled, "Shh."

Emma sushed me! I almost laughed. She turned back to watch the sunset, catching my hands, tangling our fingers, and wrapping our arms around her. My hands were on the inside, next her body. One of our joined hands went low, close to her hip. The other tucked up under her breast. I was now sure I hadn't gone too far. I relaxed and moved my thumb just enough to feel the weight of her breast then moved no more than an inch back and forth. I don’t know where she’s going with this, but I wanted to make sure she knew I was with her. The beat of my heart picked up and I felt her breath catch.

“I love sunsets. Love being on a west coast to watch the sun sink into the water. I could chase that forever. Everyone always talks about the bright yellow, orange, and red sinking below the horizon, but I love the pink purple sky that gets left behind. Like after something has taken your breath away. Releasing that breath and letting the moment sink in. Letting the emotions and beauty become part of you. The afterglow.” She laid her head back on my shoulder, where I sure she could hear my heart beating and feel the escalation in my breathing. “That is my favorite color and this is the perfect time of night.”

I used our joined hands on her hip to turn her to face me again. I let go of her other hand and brought it to her face, “Perfect." Emma’s face fit perfectly in my palm. I ran my thumb across her lip before moving closer.

The first touch was a gentle press of lips, parted a fraction to barely fit together. Soft and chaste. I felt the rush of adrenaline as it spiked my blood. Her lips were as soft as I'd imagined them. It was the third or fourth kiss before I ventured a taste. I licked her upper lip barely reaching between them. Before I left her mouth her tongue ran over mine.

I pulled back enough to see the glazed over look in her eyes, I knew mine were the same. I licked my lips, tasting her there. I couldn’t remember anything ever tasting as sweet. My hand moved from her face to cup the back of her neck to pull her in closer. I felt Emma's fingers dig into my shoulders the second before our mouths met.

I could see her face behind my closed eyes. So beautiful. The moment intensified and I deepened the kiss.

I heard her make a quiet moan then thought it might have been me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This makes me smile. Hope it does you.


	18. Chapter 18

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian pressing himself against me on the deck was the last straw.

So many hugs and so much touching. I shouldn't ignore the conversations and joking around because they were fantastic. The expressions on his face tell half of his stories and make up a good part of conversations. Watching him remember the beach in Romania was beautiful. I don't think he shares much of that time, and I'm humbled that he shared with me. The book conversation turned nature of relationships was scary. Telling someone you've barely started dating (and not kissed) your thoughts on love and soulmates is risky. Quick way to find out if your completely incompatible or scare them away. The talking bits led to more touching. When I ran my hand over his back, I noticed him twitch when I trailed off almost around to his stomach. It was just a little twitch and I wanted to see if I could find it again. Hanging pictures was a fucking free for all. He'd caress my fingers when taking a nail and when he took the hammer or level. He was purposeful in laying his hand over mine and sliding down to the item. I wasn't innocent in this game. There was no reason to stand so close to him except to tempt him and myself. I like looking at him and being close enough to feel his warmth. I'd touch his arm or back to guide him bumping into me. Did I say guide? I meant to say keep him from bumping into me unsuccessfully. He was making such an effort. I couldn’t let him fail. The best part was neither of us were hiding our sneaky touches. We’d smile, look surprised, maybe apologize, and definitely do it over and over.

When we separated and his mom and went downstairs, I noticed the sun was setting. I always go outside to watch the sunset unless there's a reason I can't. It is the perfect end to the day. A perfect time to stop and be present. Magic happens at sunset.

I checked if Georgeta minded if I went on the deck. She thought it was a good idea and thanked me for all the help. I rested against the railing and watched the scene progressing in front of me.

Sebastian has known where I was all day. He's protective. He didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. I knew it was just a matter of time before he joined me on the deck. I heard him walking up behind me. Felt him like a wall against my back and the slow slide down my arms to join our hands.

When he said I was beautiful my heart skipped a beat. The look on his face was like he adored me. I wasn't having this spoiled by an awkward moment so I turned in his arms and held on to him. Sebastian followed suit, holding me close. I’m pretty tall and in shape. He's taller and bigger, which makes me feel unusually petite. I like the way he folds around me, his edges overlapping mine.  
Asking him if I was reading things wrong seemed to fit in here. Why hadn't we kissed? I knew I ran a risk of blowing things up, but I didn't think so. His fingers playing in my hair and his voice when he said I wasn’t reading this wrong may not have given me a reason, but I knew we were going to be fine.  
The way he closed his eyes to gathered his thoughts was endearing and sexy. The words that followed made me glad I was touching him. I think emotional conversations go better with contact. Especially if anxiety is the emotion. Anxiety need something, I slid my hand up his t-shirt a little and used my thumb against his skin to ground him. Anxiety can make you feel like your drifting away, you can get lost in. I didn’t want him drifting away.

What I got from the conversation was that acting kissing isn't real and he wanted to really kiss me. To feel everything that goes into a first kiss. He was struggling to find the perfect moment. There's an incredible sweetness and romance to him caring so much about a first kiss.

I knew how to fix this for both us. I turned back to watch the sunset and wrapped his arms around me. I told him a true story of my love of sunsets. They're perfect and magic. So this moment is the perfect moment he's been looking for.

Sebastian did recognize the moment and made use of it. His hand on my face was soft and firm in moving me where he wanted. I saw him move in and closed my eyes. The first touch of his lips was like firecrackers going off. Sweet kisses that add a touch of tongue make my knees weak. It’s cautious and tentative. Until it’s not.

I'd had barely a taste of him when he pulled back. His blown pupils and the hazy look to his eyes was definitely not something I was reading wrong. The way he licked his lips as he palmed the back of my neck had me feeling like the only woman on the planet.

Sebastian pulled me in for another kiss. He pulled at my lower lip and I felt the warm swipe of his tongue asking for more. My lips fell apart and I met him with teasing licks. I gripped his shoulders, trying to hold on to my patience, which made him lose his. His arm around my waist brought me tight against him while his tongue swept inside my mouth. I moved my hands down his chest and around his back.

One of us made I noise, but I'm not sure who. Fuck, can he kiss. Control shifted back and forth. Like everything else with us the intensity would surge then retreat. Somehow the hand that was on my neck moved to the small of my back. Sebastian broke the kiss and nuzzled my neck, "You're right. Perfect time of night."

His breath against my skin caused a shiver. I thought I could feel him smile the split second before he started to leave wet kisses down the side of my neck. I gasped when he hit the tender spot along the curve from my neck to my shoulder. He pulled my hair away and kept up the gentle assault on my neck. He'd drift away, but always returned to the spot that made me shiver. The effects were cumulative and I was close to insane. I snaked my hand between us and up to thread my fingers into his hair. That didn’t help. His hair was soft with just enough wave to feel like it was trying to hold onto my fingers. Sebastian let his approval be known by murmuring, "mmm, yeah" and sucking on my earlobe.

The next time he went for that spot I fisted his hair and pulled him away. "You're gonna drive me crazy."

He almost purred the words, "I think I'd like you crazy."

My hand drifted over his butt, "I promise you would."

A sexy smirk formed on his lips, "Not an impetus to keep me away."

I tightened my grip in his hair and kissed him. Hard. "Not trying to keep you away."

"Good. It wouldn't work."

No pretense now. We crashed together in a kiss that was all lips, teeth, and tongue. Sebastian growled deep in his chest when I sucked on his tongue. There were so many places I wanted that thing. He had skills best put to use other places. Sebastian planted his hand in the middle of my butt and hitched me up and closer. Yeah, he had plans too.

I have no idea how long we stood on the deck making out. I have no idea why we didn't find a room somewhere and like Sebastian had said, "don't stop until we're naked and exhausted.” We were both up for it. Him more obviously. Impressively so. 

Besides the occasional noticing of Sebastian's arousal, I was completely submerged in the moment. Taking in the smell, taste, sounds, sight, and touch of him.

A voice from the house called out, "Dinner's ready, you two."

Sebastian dropped his forehead to my shoulder and mumbled, "Seriously."

I flipped his earlobe with my tongue and ran my hand over his ass, "Your mom is quite the cock blocker."

He laughed and lifted me a little off my feet, "Definitely."

I loved the crinkles at the sides of his eyes. He’d had a lot of laughter in his life. My intention was a quick kiss, but mysteriously that morphed into something longer. And deeper. I remembered dinner and pushed him away, "Dinner."

Sebastian's arms fell away and he took my hand, "This would be a shitty time to get grounded."

Dinner was delicious. I enjoyed trying new foods and everything tonight had a story. I'd felt welcomed and included all day, but more so with the sharing of food and memories. Everyone pitched in cleaning up the kitchen before heading into the family room.

While our history with movie watching was short it wasn't very successful. If Sebastian fell asleep tonight I was going to poke him in the stomach. At least that was the plan if his parents were still in the room. If they went to bed all bets well off.

We settled on a sci-fi movie about a woman joining an expedition to find her husband who disappeared into some X-files kind of area. Anthony opened a bottle of wine and I went with him to the kitchen to help with transport. Sebastian was seated on the love seat perpendicular to the TV. I had to walk around the love seat behind him to sit. He reached out and took one of the wine glasses from me. I ran my now free hand from shoulder to shoulder and he took my hand before it slid off, leading me around to sit next to him. I smiled with the sweetness of the gesture. He let go of my hand when I sat and put his arm around me. I leaned back against him, replicating last night, except tonight I laid my arm along his thigh. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his head drop onto the back of the couch.

So fucking cute.

I pulled at the thread hanging from the hole in his jeans. Pretty sure that didn't make him feel better. Better might not be the right word. I was still on a high from our make out session and figured he was too. The dinner interruption was a little frustrating. There's the word! Me playing with the hole in his jeans probably wasn't making him feel less frustrated. That's what I meant.

Forty-five minutes and a couple of jump scares later things tuned freaky. Freaky and a little gross. I was curled up tight and damn close to being in Sebastian's lap. The rip in his jeans might have grown a little. Playing with that hole was like a fidget to a nervous child. I liked fidgeting with the hole, but touching his skin was more calming.

From his side I imagine it felt like flirting. Which it was. Very intentional. Just like his hand going from holding onto my shoulder to where his thumb could stroke and make circles where I liked his kisses was obviously flirty. Nothing like teasing someone hidden in plain sight to see where it would go, who would get most worked up. Teasing is fun. Letting it turn into foreplay can be even better.

I’m not certain if we're in teasing or foreplay territory. Could go either way. We're new to this with each other. We don't know the physical side of each other yet. I think the one being touched gets to decide intent: harmless teasing, flirty foreplay, or unwelcome over the line. For me, the way he's varying pattern, speed and pressure on a very sensitive spot is foreplay. It's most certainty welcomed and not even close to a line.

At the end of the gross scene Georgeta turned off the TV. The couple stood up and she explained, "We're exhausted. Why don't you two go finish the movie in the pool house so it won't keep us up."

Sebastian practically bounded off the love seat, "Sure, been a long day, you must be tired." We headed toward the door, "We'II take the last of the wine."

Georgeta nodded with a smile, "I got the kitchen stocked and everything set. Should be very comfortable."

He hugged her, "Thanks, mom. Good night and I love you."

If I didn't already find him crazy attractive that would have done it. Since I did, it just made my chest ache.

Sebastian grabbed the bottle of wine with his right hand and me with his left. At the door he realized he didn't have a hand to open it. He held the bottle out, "Take this for me, please."

I could have opened the door, but Sebastian had the gentleman thing down. Besides if I opened this door, I'd also be opening the door to his space. Nope, don't want to do that. I liked the idea of him inviting me in. I think it's clear that I'm self-sufficient. Doesn't mean I don't like being taken care of. I liked being treated like a lady and I liked taking care of my friends and boyfriend. Cherishing another and treating them with respect is over looked too much. What some call old fashioned behaviors doesn’t equal old fashioned attitudes. Both can coexist. I felt a thrill when Sebastian opened the door and stood just inside, "Come on in."

"Thank you." Going along with my chivalrous thoughts I gave him a little curtsy.

He bowed, "You're most welcome, my lady." I think that was statement more than a courtesy.

He let go of my hand as I walked by. The left end of the room was a small kitchen. Simple white cabinets and countertops. The small island had two stools. The right three quarters of the room was the family room. The TV was mounted on the long wall across from where we stood. The couch was in front of us and made a sort of hallway left to the kitchen and I assumed the door to the right led to a bedroom. The room was painted a light yellow and the furnishings were navy.

I walked toward the kitchen with the wine. "This is a nice space. It feels like a beachy pool house. Simple and clean."

He nodded, "I don't have a problem with the guest room at the house. Mom wants me to have some private space." He followed me to the island, "Wine?"

I nodded, "Sure. Can I use your bathroom?"

He pointed to the only door. "Though the bedroom, door on the left. Ignore the clothes."

"Be right back." I ran a hand down his arm and stretched up for a quick kiss. As I walked away I looked over my shoulder to see him smiling as he watched me go.

I left the bedroom door open as I walked to the far side. I'd told him to ignore the clothes in my bathroom because it doubles as a laundry room. His reasoning was that his clothes were strewn on the floor and unmade bed. He hadn't slept there last night, but I imagined the sheets still smelled of him. Part of me wanted to crawl in and wrap myself in him, but why do that when I could wrap myself in the real thing in the other room.

Kissing him before I left the room set the stage. I can't begin to count the times a quick kiss would have made sense, but instead was an awkward moment. I replaced the awkward with the natural. Hopefully cluing him in that while a glass of wine with a movie was acceptable, adding kissing to the mix would multiply the fun.

Speaking of fun. Sex. I'd put chance of intercourse at fifty percent. Brought to orgasm by the other a solid eighty-five. Dry humping, fingering, or a hand job producing the orgasm doesn’t necessarily lead to intercourse. For me, once oral sex is in play there's going to be intercourse. Oral is much more intimate. Intercourse does not provide the up-close sight, taste, and smell that oral does.

I came out of the bedroom laughing. Sebastian was on the couch and looked over. "What’s so funny?"

I walked around the couch and sat a little further away so I could turn to talk to him, "I was thinking about chances. What would you have put the chances at of you coming up here and spending three days with a stranger?"

"You're not a stranger. You’re something different. Something more." He leaned and kissed me. Not as quick as mine and not as innocent. His had tongue. "Um, chances of meeting woman, hanging out, and changing plans to be with her. Fifteen percent tops."

I nodded, "That sounds fair.” I sang, "What are the chances that we'd end up dancing. Like two in a million, like once in a life. That I could have found you, put my arms around you. Like two in a million, like once in a life.” 

Sebastian smiled and shook his head, "I used to like Backstreet Boys. Went to one of AJ's solo shows. He got naked at the after party. Guess I need to give the new stuff a listen."

"You won't be sorry. Trust me."

"I do."

I glanced to the Tv. "Do you want to finish the movie?"

Sebastian stared straight ahead, with a slow smirk forming, before he looked over to me, "I don’t have a fucking clue what's going on in the movie."

I opened my mouth in surprise, "You didn’t like it?"

"Don't know," he took my hand in both of his and held them to his chest. "I was too distracted. I was watching your beautiful eyes and face and the expressions you were making. I wanted you looking at me. I could hear every gasp and sigh. I wanted to be making you make them. I could smell your perfume and wanted to wriggle in closer. I could feel your hip and leg flush to mine. Your arm on my leg and your nosey fingers playing in my pants. I want to play in your pants." He smiled widely and barely kept away the laughter. "And I can remember every kiss on the deck and I want to go back there. There's no way a movie could keep up with that."

Quite the list he had. Not the answer I expect, but fuck me, if it wasn't the best answer ever. He wants to make me gasp and sigh, plus he wants to play in my pants. The smirk and near laughter in the middle was perfect. Fun. Chance of intercourse just went up to a solid ninety seven percent.

"I understand that. You needed something to help focus you. Like, for example, playing with the hole in your jeans helped me attend. " He quirked an eyebrow, clearly doubting my words. Smart man. I started to smile, shrugged, and put my arm on the back of the couch where I could play in his hair. "I didn't say attend to the movie, Bastian."

"You kissed me a few minutes ago."

I bit my lower lip as I nodded my head, "I did."

He glanced at my lips then back to my eyes. "I want you to do that again."

I remembered the conversation on the deck, "We're alone. No one to interrupt. Think you'll be able to stop yourself?"

I didn't wait for Sebastian's answer. My hand that had been playing in his hair brought him to meet me. No teasing. No soft chase kisses. I was hungry for him. My playing in his jeans may have been teasing him, but it was teasing me too. I was touching his skin and knew there was much much more skin I wanted to touch with more than my "nosey fingers."

Our tongues met before our lips did. He got one thing he wanted. I sighed with the contact. Sebastian pulled the hand he held against his chest across his body. I followed my hand, swinging my leg over him, and settling on his lap. Not to close, but his hands on my hips guided me closer while I held onto his shoulders.

I felt the loss of contact when his hands went between my arms, pushing them off his shoulders. Holding my face with his hands he broke the kiss, and looked in my eyes for several seconds. I shifted a little on his lap. The way he looked at me causing an ache low in my body. He kissed me again. Slow, intense, and not nearly long enough.

"That's about wanting you." Sebastian's thumb ran over my cheek. His touch was incredibly gentle and the desire in his eyes softened. “You say stop, I stop. Even if I’m inside you. You say stop. We stop." Raised eyebrows asked if I understood.

I nodded just enough for him to see.

Sebastian returned the nod, licked his lips, and pressed them to mine softly. The gentle caress of his tongue asked for a permission I gladly gave. We started over slow and easy.

The slow down gave me time to process. I can't believe he was so intentional in making sure I understood he knew the meaning of stop, the meaning of no. I never thought for a second that his "I don't know if I can stop" was anything other than desire. I noticed his hands hadn't move from safe zones. I needed to make sure he knew I understood yes. I pulled away from his delicious mouth and waited for his eyes, pupils dilated where the blue was almost gone, to focus on me. "I want your hands on me. I want you to kiss me everywhere. I wanna feel you inside me." I kissed him, my tongue teasing the swell of his upper lip. "I want you."

The left side of his mouth started to curl up and the corners of his eyes crinkled. So fucking sexy. He kissed me as his hands grab my ass and pull me tight against his growing erection.


	19. Chapter 19

~*~Sebastian~*~

I thought and thought for a way out of movie with the parents. The only thing I could come up with was the truth, want to be alone with Emma, and announcing that at the dinner table seemed like not the best idea. I convinced myself all would be fine. I was sure she'd cuddle up and I'd have my arm around her. I could smell her, see her, and touch her. The movie was supposed to be good.

What I didn't count on was her arm resting on my thigh and her playing with the hole in my jeans. Completely unfair. I know what's going to happen. Her fingers will be touching my skin in a not quite neutral zone. Knees are iffy for me. Mine are ticklish and somehow contact that isn’t quite ticklish is a turn on. A small one. Emma will sit there innocently, or not so innocently, playing with a hot zone. Tease. Which will make me want to win. Win with who can innocently drive the other crazy in plain sight. I'm going for the spot on the side of her neck. Not with my mouth, but with soft strokes of my fingers. The movie will end and we’ll have to decide if she comes to the pool house with me or do I take her home. Either way there will be making out and one of us isn't going home. Nobody's sleeping on a couch. Nice comfortable bed with a door that locks. I can be satisfied with heavy petting and sleep. Not gonna lie, though, I want her. I want to know what she tastes like. What it feels like to be inside her. What she looks like when she cums.

The movie is turning into foreplay.

What I didn’t anticipate were the jump scares and gross things that would have Emma wiggle around closer to me and wind up halfway in my lap. My first goal when we get to whoever's place is for her to be in my lap properly where I can feel her weight. She’s a few inches shorter than me, enough that in my lap I should be eye level with her breasts. That’s going to be a very good place to be.

The biggest jump scare I got from the movie was mom turning off the TV and telling us to go to my place. Ah mom, cock blocker to Madame in under three hours.

In my place the bow and curtsy routine was ridiculous, very precious, and a way to direct anxiety into something less anxiety producing. When she went to the bathroom, I was quickly deciding if I should wait out here or meet her in the bedroom. Bedroom seemed a big jump from kissing on the deck and was creepy in its assumption. Coming over to watch a movie is just that until we decide otherwise.

Please, let us decide otherwise.

Emma brought up me saying I might not be able to stop until we were naked and exhausted. That wasn't an expectation, it was trying to get through how much I wanted to kiss her. When we started kissing and Emma wound up on my lap I didn’t pull her right up where she would feel my hard on and I kept my hands to safe zones. I needed to until I could pull away enough to make sure she knew I had no problem with being told no whenever she wanted to say it. A lot of assholes made it where it’s important to make sure your date is on board. I’m sure I wasn’t a perfect gentleman when I was younger, but I did always check. And if we were too drunk to remember, I checked after. Times changed and I've evolved.

Emma was tricky. The lack of kissing had me making sure she knew I wanted her very badly. I also wanted her to know no matter how much I wanted her she was in control. I was not prepared for her saying, "I want your hands on me. I want you to kiss me everywhere. I wanna feel you inside me. I want you." Fucking ecstatic, put not prepared.

I put my hands on her ass, her fits in my hands perfectly ass, and pulled her close. Our mouths met a second after I moaned. Her pressed against my cock felt amazing. Emma wiggled to get closer, her arms folding around me, her fingers going back into my hair. Her soft touch against my scalp was very different from the intensity of the kiss and the way we pressed together, the way she barely pulsed her hips against me. The combination was tripping all sorts of circuits in my brain. I felt along her curves, skimming the side of her breasts, before taking her t-shirt over her head.

I wanted skin. She did too. I was tossing her shirt away when I felt her tugging at mine. It wound up on the floor with hers. Maybe on the opposite side of the room. Fuck if I know.

Emma's hands pushed at my shoulders and I leaned against the back of the couch. Her hands were warm on my chest and stomach. I watched her eyes follow where she touched. I hissed in a breath when her nails grazed along my side. Her tongue peeked out between her teeth as she leaned in to kiss my neck. I laid my head to my shoulder to fully enjoy the way she licked, sucked, and kissed me. Her hair fell silky on my chest and her fingers played on my stomach. I shivered from the soft kiss right below my ear combined with her fingers on my side.

"How are feeling about my nosey fingers now?" She sat up and away from me.

"I didn't dislike them earlier." I watched her stomach jump with my touch. One hand stayed low on her back, the other ran across her stomach. I watched were I touched then up to her face, "I was jealous." I sat up to kiss her, "I wasn’t getting to touch you."

Her hands rubbed over my shoulders, “Mmm, you have nosey fingers too?"

I scrunched up my face and nodded. "I have very nosey fingers." I checked out the swell of her breasts over her bra and traced her skin along the fabric edge with a single finger then barely underneath. More skin. I wanted more skin. I leaned in to kiss her, whispering against her lips, "Very nosey." I popped the front clasp of her bra and took it over her shoulders. Emma lowered her arms to let the bra slide off, my hands followed and held her arms away for me to look at her. I smiled appreciatively, shaking my head, "You are so beautiful, Emma."

Her soft "Thank you" urged me to pull her close. Nothing between us. All of her skin, her breasts, naked against my chest. That's what I want. I love lots of things about sex and the feel of skin on skin is a great place to start. Lots of surface area contact to activate nerves. I didn't need my fingers to know her nipples were tight. They felt like warm pebbles pressed between us. I held her tight, "I love skin contact." I pulled away enough to take her breasts in my hands. Her sweet light pink nipple begged for my mouth.

I kept my eyes cut up to hers as I pushed her back, lowering my head to circle my tongue around her nipple. She hung onto my shoulders. I switched my attention to her other breast, licking and kissing her. Fingers took over where my mouth had been, toying with her wet nipple and squeezing her. Emma moaned and pulsed her hips against me when I sucked and used the tip of my tongue to tease her. Her nails grazed my skin and I wondered what it would take to feel them dig in.

I was enjoying what I was doing, the soft sounds she made, but Emma had other ideas. She grabbed my hair and pulled me away. Her mouth crushed against mine, her tongue driving in to tangle with mine. My hands roamed her back, taking in the feel of her. I couldn't touch her enough. Then I felt her hand between my legs, stroking my cock, and I didn't think she could touch me enough. My jeans were painfully tight. I took my hands off her amazing body to hold her face. Her touching me, even over my jeans, felt so damn good. I groaned in relief with the feel of her undoing my jeans. My hands dropped to her thighs and I put my open mouth on the place on her neck that made her squirm. My breath caught when her hand wrapped around me. I dropped my head to her shoulder, "Fuck, I want you."

"Bed, Sebastian. Take me to bed."

She wasn't going to have to ask again, "Good idea." I slid my hands under her ass. "Hold on." I waited until her arms were around my neck before I stood up. Her legs hooked around my waist and headed toward the bedroom with her laying kisses on my shoulder.

Thankfully the bedroom wasn't far away. The couch was nowhere near big enough to do all the things I wanted to do. And why have sex on a couch when there's a perfectly good-sized bed in the next room. Not that there's anything wrong with a couch fuck, but not the first time. Well, not the first time with her. I've got enough restraint to get from one room to the next. Barely. I think I used up my supply of patience the last two nights. Three might be over my limit.

I put a knee on the bed, supporting her with one arm, and caught us with my other. I got us diagonal on bed before collapsing on her. Emma dropped her legs from around me, hooking one foot around my calf. I took my weight on my elbows, hands lost in her hair, and my hips pressed tight between her thighs. I broke from the kiss to breathe and look at her. I pulled a hand from her hair and stroked down her cheek, "You still have on too many clothes."

Her thumbs hooked the side of my jeans and started to push them down. "You too." She got them down a few inches before abandoning the effort and pushing her hands inside to hold onto my ass.

I kissed and ground against her for a few seconds before hopping off the bed to get out of my jeans. Emma went for her shorts. "No!" She stopped and looked at me. I shook my head slowly, "I want to take those off."

Moving to the center of the bed, she leaned against the head board, "I'II just watch." She crossed her legs at her ankles, clasped her hands over her stomach, and locked eyes with me.

I kept the eye contact as I stripped off. I crawled over her, leaning down to kiss her. I felt her hands on my stomach and moved away, kissing down her body until I got to the waistband of her shorts. Emma lifted her hips for me. I backed down the bed, taking in every inch of her, as I slid her shorts and panties down her legs.

Emma pulled her feet up and out, "Crap, I didn't shave my legs this morning."

What the fuck?

I drug my eyes up her body, pausing half a second at the smooth skin at the juncture of her thighs. I was smirking when my eyes got to hers, "I promise," I made an X over my heart with a finger "not what I'm paying attention to." She slid her feet back down, but on either side of me. I looked between her spread legs and groaned, "Not even close."

I put my hands under her knees and pulled her down the bed.


	20. Chapter 20

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian is trying to kill me.

Between his touch and the way he looks at me, I'm not sure which, but one is going to be the death of me. His hands are large, warm, a little rough. I liked how they felt on my skin. The strength and soft touch of rough skin caressing my back felt like a man was with me. Rough edges are sexy.

When I suggested it was time to go to bed I hadn’t expected him to carry me. I’m not a small girl that men pick up and carry away. I’m close to five nine and I’m built like a volleyball player. I’m not thin waif. I have curves created from muscle. I used to hate the square of my shoulders and the strength of my thighs. Over the years I've worked on body image. Now I love my body. It's strong, beautiful, and lets me play a game I’ve loved. I look good in clothes and out of them. There’s always the awareness that I’m not the “right” body type for society. Fortunately, I don't feel the need to conform to societal expectations. It is outside of my expectations to be carried off to bed. I’ve never been carried off to bed. Sebastian's size and mass dwarf me and he picked me up like I weighed nothing. He held me up to him to crawl on the bed . . . one armed.

Sebastian stood to the side of the bed and stripped making my mouth and parts south watered. He is gorgeous. His body, the work he’s put in is amazing. The definition in his arms, chest, and abs is incredible. He's not typical either. He’d never look right as a tall gangly hipster. He has a little too much mass to fit with the guy who hits the gym after work. Sebastian works out for a different purpose. I think he’s in a good place. He’s bigger than the after-work guy, but not as big as he was in Civil War. That Bucky carried more bulk. Not a bad look, but hard to sustain. He can maintain his current body, just like I can mine.

Sebastian crawled over and started pulling my shorts down. The girl garden was taken care of, but in the rush to leave is morning I hadn't shaved my legs. I had before our date the night before. I blurted out this information. "Crap, I didn't shave my legs this morning."

The look he gave me, not so different than many others, but the situation and intensity felt different. The way he smirks can convey many emotions. This one had the curl on the right, parted lips with his tongue peeking out between his teeth, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and then there's his eyes. Right now, there’s laughter for the ridiculousness of my statement, a whole lot of desire, and something else. A combination of confident man tempered by a want to please. All that adds up to something lethal. Playfulness is infinitely attractive and fun, the desire makes me feel sexy and wanted, his confidence wants me to give his control, and the last one has me wanting to take care of him. Might be the perfect combination.

Sebastian made a cross over his heart, "I promise, not what I'm paying attention to." l'd pulled my legs up a little to help get my panties off. I stretched them back out, one on either side him. His eyes left mine to look between my slightly parted legs. "Not even close."

His eyes stayed put as he pulled me down the bed. He fell forward to hover over me, lowering himself to kiss me. I held onto his bicep with one hand, the other wrapping around his shaft. My grip was tight and I stroked him slowly. The low growl that came from him reverberated between my legs. I ran my foot along the back of his thigh.

Shifting his hips back, he pulled his cock from my grasp. He kissed the side of my neck then next to my ear, "You first."

I wasn't going to argue.

Wet kisses left a trail down to my stomach. He sidetracked to tease and suck my nipples again. I laced my fingers into his hair, holding him to me, and squirmed from the pleasure. I'd watched him play with his tongue, imagining it on my body, and reality was living up to fantasy. I bit my lip and whimpered when his mouth left me.

My hand fell from his head as he scooted lower to settle between my legs. He watched his hand run from my ankle, up the back of my calf, and beneath my knee. Soft lips and wet tongue kissed the side of my knee before he pushed my leg open to the side. His other hand had slid under and held my ass. I laid my hand on his forearm, just to touch him, while he kissed up my inner thigh. I swear I could feel his smile against my skin when my hips shifted and I moved my leg farther to the side. It was part involuntary response and part begging. I was throbbing with want for his touch. The hand on my thigh moved to my stomach then skimmed where my leg met my body, and pushed my leg further away. Had I not been watching him I would have missed the quick glance up at me the second before he took his first taste of me.

I breathed out an, "Oh god" with the swipe of tongue over my clit. My stomach jumped as nerves fired. There were several teasing licks before he repositioned where his elbows held my legs wide and his fingers opened me to him. My hips curled into the contact with his mouth. He kissed, licked, and sucked me until I was fisting the sheets. His teasing tongue honed in on my clit with tiny circles and flicks. I grabbed his forearm, needing to hold onto something, needing to hold on to him. "Feels so good, Sebastian. Right there, more pressure." I liked direct stimulation and the closer I got to orgasm more pressure felt amazing. There's no way he could know without me telling him. I hoped he was offended by direction. Some men are. Either way he responded by sucking and using the tip of his tongue against me. My back arched and I could feel I’d hit the point of no return, "Fuck, gonna come. Don't stop."

I ran my hand up his forearm to his hand. He wrapped his fingers around mine and I brought our hands to rest on my stomach. My other hand went to his hair, just touching and feeling the motion as he worked my body. "Yes, yes ... Bastian." My head and shoulders rose from the bed as my orgasm exploded low in my body. I pushed his head gently, too sensitive for more, and collapsed onto the bed, fighting for breath.

I felt a soft touch of lips against my inner thigh, my stomach, between my breasts, my neck, and finally my lips. I deepened the kiss, tasting myself on his tongue, and wrapped my leg around his hips. His hard cock was pressed between our bodies and I pulsed my hips to rub against him.

Sebastian moaned, "Condoms in my bag." His bag was tossed against the wall, far enough away he had to get up. He dug around for a second then came back, sitting on the bed.

I'd had my hands on him, but this was the first time I'd seen his naked back, seen his shoulders and the strips of muscle running down beside his spine. I couldn't resist. I ran my hands up his back to lay on his shoulders. When I kissed the back of his neck he shivered. I did it again. "I love touching you." My hands went down again to wrap around him, roaming his chest and stomach. "So strong and tight. Your hard work has paid off."

I kissed the back of his jaw and could see his eyes squint closed. 'I'II never get this on me if you keep doing that."

I moved to his side, placing an innocent kiss on curve of his shoulder, "We can't have that." I would have taken over, but I was at a bad angle. I watched him roll the condom down before climbing in his lap. His cock fit between my legs and I rubbed along his length, sliding him against my core.

His hands went back to my breasts, "I love touching you too."

Our mouths met for an intense kiss. My hand went between us, rising up and taking hold of his cock. Sebastian's hands gripped my hips. He didn't push or guide my movements as I positioned his cock at my entrance and began to sink down on him. Our kiss slowed as I worked him inside with slow strokes, taking him deeper each time. When he was buried completely inside me, I ground my hips down to make sure I had all of him. Only then did his grip on my hips tighten and guide me up again.

Sebastian tore his mouth away from me and laid his forehead against mine, "You feel good. So fucking tight."

I tilted my head back and slowly rode him, "You made me so fucking tight with that mouth of yours."

"Glad to be of help." He chuckled, "To both of us."

"Mutual benefit is always good." I gasped as he met my downstroke with an up and went deeper. I leaned back, changing the angle, noticing Sebastian's hands had moved to support my back.

Sebastian groaned, "You’re so warm." His kissed between my breasts then came back to my mouth.

This was a good position or talking, kissing, and touching. It felt good and I liked the control, but this was only a starter. Difficult to go hard and fast in this position. I can only speak for myself, but I was nearing where I needed hard and fast.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dirty dirty dirty

~*~Sebastian~*~

I could still taste Emma on my tongue. The way she moved and the sounds she made while I went down her was sexy as hell. I almost came when she took my hand right before. It was like she needed to touch me. The intimacy of her holding my hand as she came undone made my chest ache. In a good way. This wasn't going to be a one and done, so I tore off a condom and tossed the rest of the strip on the nightstand. We were gonna need them.

As much as I enjoyed her in my lap, I couldn't get leverage. My attempt to stay inside her and roll her onto the bed failed. The few seconds I wasn't inside her felt much longer. Too long. Emma pushed herself to the center of the bed with me following. Her hands went straight to my ass, pulling me in as I entered her.

"So good." My last word was muffled by her mouth. She was as hungry for me as I was her. I started with long slow strokes, but couldn't keep that up. Faster and harder was what I wanted, what I needed. I picked up the pace, breaking the kiss when I felt her fingers dig in.

Emma met me thrust for thrust. The room filled with the sounds of our bodies connecting and moans mixed with broken breaths. I felt her foot against my thigh and reach back to gather her leg higher. Holding her leg changed my angle inside her just a little.

Burying my face against her neck, I fought to hold on, "I'm not going to last much longer. Feels too good."

"Me either."

Shit. If she was going to come, I was going to hold on. I wanted to be inside her to feel her orgasm. I went for the sensitive patch of skin on her neck. Sloppy wet kisses was the best I could do. I was losing control. It was enough. Feeling Emma's body stiffen and shudder under me combined with the contractions inside her was going to take me.

She whispered, "Come for me, Sebastian."

"Oh fuck." If I hadn't already been close, her breathy words would have got me there. My body seized up and I slammed deep into her as my cock exploded.

I let her leg go and collapsed on her. A minute later, when I'd caught my breath, I started to move away. Emma's grip on me tightened, "Not yet."

For a moment I was worried something was wrong. One look at her face dispelled that fear. She looked so beautiful. She just wasn't ready to let go, so neither was I. I pressed my lips to hers and we kissed until our bodies came down.

I didn't want to move. I was quite content to stay wrapped up with her, touching and kissing leisurely. However, there was a condom to deal with. I groaned, "I'll be right back."

Emma smiled knowingly, "Do you care if I get some water?"

Silly woman. "Nope. Get whatever you want." I headed toward the bathroom and heard a whistle behind me.

"Nice ass."

I laughed, "Thanks."

Emma met me as I came out of the bathroom, “My turn.” She handed the bottle of water to me.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a quick kiss. The same kind of quick kiss I’d been wanting the past two days and we weren’t there yet. We’re there now. I took a drink of the water, before straightening up the bed a little, fixing the pillows and unbunching the sheet. I was stretched out with the sheet up to my waist before Emma came out of the bathroom. Watching her naked walking toward me started to get me hard. She went to the other side of the bed, but instead of laying down she stretched out on top of me with her hands on my shoulders. I joined my hands at the base of her spine.

“That was fun.” She kissed me softly.

I smiled, “It was fun.”

“And good.” She wiggled her hips against mine.

“And only going to get better.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.” I nodded slowly, “As I figure out exactly how to touch you.”

Emma’s mouth fell open then curved into a smile, “I think I’ll enjoy that.”

“I hope so.” I cupped her head and pulled her in for a kiss. Nothing soft about it. Lots of tongue. We drifted apart and I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Tell me what you don’t like.”

“Excuse me?” She looked at me a little like I was crazy. I repeated myself and she laughed a little, “Wouldn’t it be better to figure out as we go along?”

“Maybe, but this is faster.” We’re good at talking. I’m not sure where the question came from, but now I was committed. I tickled her side to get her wiggling and laughing. “I’ll go first. I don’t like having my balls squeezed when I come. Any other time is fine, but not when I come.”

She nodded, “Painful or you don’t like it?”

“A little of both.” I looked at her expectantly.

“Ok, noted.” She shook her head, “You’ll be explaining where this came from later, but I’ll go with it. I don’t like my pussy patted.”

“Patted?”

“Yes, patted.” She tapped her fingers on my cheek. “Between my legs.”

I laughed, “Yeah, I know where your pussy is.”

She rolled her eyes with a smile. “I don’t understand why. It does nothing for me. I’m sure it does for someone else, but not me, so it’s just like what the fuck.”

“It’s a porn thing.” I pointed to myself, “We pick up a lot unrealistic things from porn as teenagers.”

“Cause you don’t watch porn now.”

“No.” I tilted my head up and down, “Well, only when I’m away filming.”

“So not often.” She looked cute when she was making up shit and bobbing her head.

This conversation was turning out to be fun. Oh fuck, everything’s fun with her.

I went on, “No, not often.”

She raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes, “Your turn, baby.”

Emma just called me baby. That’s gonna leave a mark. “Umm, I don’t enjoy teeth. Biting.”

She hummed, “I do.” No longer fun. Painful. Incredibly fucking painful. Luckily we’re already naked and not quite exhausted. She went on, “Is this everywhere or are there exceptions.”

I swallowed hard, “There are exceptions. I can’t for the life of me think what they are, but there are exceptions.”

“What about here?” She leaned in, used her tongue to bring my earlobe between her lips, and pulled with her teeth.

“There’s fine.”

“And here?” She moved to the other side and did it again.

“Fuck.”

“Ok.”

The way she backed away and completely switched off the seductive tone was infuriating. I loved it. “Oh yeah, biting my shoulder when I make you come is acceptable.”

“Well, it should be since it’s your fault.”

“I am prepared to take full responsibility for causing an orgasm.”

“How magnanimous of you.”

I shrugged and ran a hand over her naked ass, “I’m that kind of guy.”

“I do like that about you. It’s my turn again.” She took a second, looking to side and thinking, before she met my eyes again. “I don’t like being blindfolded. I can keep my eyes closed, but I don’t like anything blocking my sight.” She cut her eyes to the side again and started to smile.

Uh oh.


	22. Chapter 22

~*~Sebastian~*~

“Change of question. What do you like?” She shook her head and pulled her mouth to the side. “No, what do you like to do to your partner. I’ll go first.”

Oh shit. I mean, fuck yeah, but oh shit. My mind is asking the same question . . . wouldn’t it be better to figure this out along the way. But no, I think I’m going to like this. I can damn well assure you that one part of me is thinking this is a most excellent idea. I held her hips and adjusted her where I needed her to be.

“There is nowhere on your body that I don’t want to lick and touch.”

The words were bad enough, but it was her expression and the tone of her voice that did the most damage. I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Good to know and I approve of this.”

Emma scrunched up her face and shook her head, “But that’s not what I want to do right now.”

“I’m afraid to ask. What do you want to do?” I’m not really afraid. There’s a shit ton of adrenaline going through me, like if I was afraid, but it’s not fear.

Raising up on her hands, separating our chest and stomachs, but leaving our hips together, her eyes moved over my torso, “I feel like there are parts of your body I haven’t shown proper appreciation.” She lowered herself like she was doing a pushup and kissed me, her tongue barely teasing me, before pushing up again. “Then I thought I’d pop down between your legs and see what I could do to help you out.”

My eyes widened and I smiled like a kid in a candy shop, “I love how you think. Do you have a plan?” I knew I was going to regret the question.

She shrugged, “Suck you until you scream my name?”

See . . .

I squeaked out something that was a cross between yeah and ok. Whatever the fuck it was made her smile, which made me happy.

The way she kissed and caressed my stomach and chest made me feel very appreciated. Her touch has always been this unique soft and sensual combination, right on the edge of sexual. Nothing different now. While her touch stayed sensual, her mouth provided the sexual. The two mixed was leaving me a little dizzy. The sheet between us was annoying the fuck out of me and distracting from the good stuff. “Can you get rid of the sheet? I want to feel you.”

Without stopping the kisses on my stomach, she got the sheet out of the way. I was able to get one leg completely free. Instead of going down, Emma moved up to circle my nipple with the tip of her tongue. The feeling shot straight to my cock as I imagined her giving it the same attention. Instead of laying down against me, I felt her hand moving up the side of my thigh from my knee. The light touch caused goosebumps to break out over my skin.

“Don’t ever stop.” I drug my fingers through her hair, combing it out across my body. One more thing to add to my current level of stimulation, silky softness tickling me. Her hand didn’t stop its ascent until it took a left turn past my hip to wrap around my cock. I closed my eyes and let out a little laugh, “Fuck.”

Her slow strokes were maddening but tempered by her kisses moving down my side. Her hair drug over my skin as she nuzzled and kissed, “I know there’s a spot around here that makes you shiver.” 

I barely recognized my own voice, “Down and right.” Making it easy for her was rewarding myself and I hissed in a breath when her lips barely brushed the patch of skin that I have no idea why is hardwired to the pleasure center in my brain.

“Thank you” was mumbled against the area and the feel of her lips making words felt so damn good. Almost made me forget that her hand was around my cock. Almost. I did fail to notice she’d moved her other hand between my legs until I felt fingers move over my balls.

I am officially an over-stimulated fucking mess. Silky hair is over my stomach and hip, one hand stroking my cock, the other has my balls, and her tongue is making a pattern while her breath warms my skin. Thankfully, or sadly, it didn’t last long. It got worse. That same tongue circled the head of my cock, stopping to give more attention to the best spot. Watching her focus completely on me was a rush. Watching her tongue on me was second only to when she lifted her eyes to meet mine and slid her mouth down, taking me in. I like to watch. The sight of my cock, wet from her mouth, disappearing, and her lips stretched around me is hot as hell. Emma’s hand stroked me in time with her mouth and kept going when she pulled off to lick and suck my balls.

I grabbed the pillow from beside me and shoved it behind my head. Reaching down, I ran my fingers through her hair, “Feels good, Emma.” Attention shifted from my balls to my cut line, the crease where torso meets thigh. First, her finger made a line from hip to past my balls. Her touch seemed to wake up the nerves because when she kissed the same path in the opposite direction I was moaning and pushing my hips into her fist. My head flexed back on the pillow and I gasped, “Fuck. Emma. Fuck.”

Yep, my ability to form sentences, barely even words, was slipping away. I cried out when she sucked my cock back into her mouth. Wonderfully torturous teasing was over. She worked me faster, using her tongue along the underside and flicking over my frenulum. She hummed and made noises that told me she was enjoying what she was doing to me. I went back to playing in her hair. I didn’t want to guide what she was doing. I just wanted to touch her. My other hand shifted between rubbing my face and fisting in my hair. The pressure was building and it felt so good. “You’re gonna make me . . . I’m gonna come.”

The fingers that had been on my balls moved lower to my perineum. Her barely-there touch went from behind my balls to run back over my asshole. That’s when I fucking lost control. I was pulling my hair and had a grip on her. My hips bucked up and I came hard, calling out her name. Emma kept up the gentle stroking as I rode out the aftershocks. She let my cock go and place one soft kiss on my side and I convulsed again.

You’d think I’d be really relaxed right now, but I’m not. I feel aggressive and want . . . more. Happens sometimes with a really good orgasm. I have all this frenetic energy wanting a way out. Fucking was out of the question for a little while, but I sure as hell could get her off. I reached for her arm, “Get up here.”

I think the tone of my voice startled her. I shook my head and stared into her beautiful green eyes, “I need to be buried in you.”

I don’t know if she understood my situation, but she got what I was going for and didn’t stop until she was straddling my face. I guided her down and used my tongue to fuck her.

“Sebastian . . .” was followed by breathy moans.

I licked the length of her and felt her fingers in my hair. I focused on her clit for a few seconds before looking up at her. Her head lay on her arm, which was against the wall. Pleasure was already etched on her face. I worked my tongue all around her. Her hips undulated, giving me exactly what I wanted. I grabbed her ass, which got her attention and she opened her eyes. “Take what you want, Emma.”

“I want your tongue on my clit.”

“Not a fucking problem.” I went to work where she wanted me and her hips pulsed, riding my face. I wanted her as wild as I was feeling. I wanted her to take what I needed to give. This was nothing like when I’d gone down on her earlier. This was fast and hard. I licked and sucked while she moved where she needed. All the time her fingers stayed still against my scalp. That wasn’t going to last. I ran my hands up over her hips and waist. On the way up I left one hand to hold her breast and the other reached higher to rub the back of her neck.

Emma turned her head, kissing my wrist, “Close. What you’re doing to me . . . close.”

I hadn’t figured out her signs, when she was going to come, but I was paying attention. Her hip movements got slower and more deliberate. Fingers extended then flexed, holding onto my hair, which I love. She took several staccato breaths and started a string of “Oh god, yes, oh god, oh god, please” and finally my name. Loudly.

Now I’m relaxed.

Emma fell backward on the bed, leaving one leg draped over me. “Fuck, that was amazing.”

I kissed her ankle, “Says the woman who just blew my mind.” 

She laughed, “We’re having a good night.”

One leg over me, one spread and bent at the knee, meant when I looked at her I had the perfect view of all her pink parts, her breasts, and her beautiful face.

Relaxed wasn’t going to last long.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance.

~*~Emma~*~

Well . . .

That was some pretty aggressive oral sex. I’m not complaining. One would think after a blow job Sebastian would have been pretty chill, but he went the other way. I need to figure out how to make that happen again. I fell back on the bed because I was afraid my legs were going to collapse. I lay there, legs spread with one draped over him, and I swear I could still feel his mouth between my legs. There was still a delicious buzz going on. “Fuck, that was amazing.” He kissed my ankle and I felt parts of me quiver.

“Says the woman who just blew my mind.” 

I let out a weak laugh, “We’re having a good night.”

“Yes, we are.” He laid a hand on my leg, ensuring it stayed resting on his chest.

Sebastian’s voice was weird. I raised my head, pried my eyes open, and looked toward him. I suddenly realized that “legs spread with one draped over him” meant he was getting quite the view. Sure, he’d been very close up twice now, but he wasn’t really looking then. Now, he was looking, and that’s why his voice sounded weird. I laid my head back down. Modesty at this point is, well, pointless. I’m amused with the crack in his voice though. Men are such visual creatures. He can look as long as he wants. I’m willing to bet the looking won’t last long before it becomes touching.

I didn’t like not touching him. I reached out my hand and laid it on his thigh, just above his knee. “I like your legs.”

“I like yours too.” He elucidated his point by running his hand over my calf. “Ouch, I think I got a splinter.”

“Ha fucking ha.” I crossed my arms over my chest like I was mad. “I should go in the bathroom and use your razor to shave them.”

“Don’t do that.”

“I can’t use your razor?”

“I don’t care if you use my razor.” He grabbed my hand and pulled it away. “Don’t cross your arms. You’re blocking my view.”

I put my hand back on his leg, the other I tucked under my head, propping me up just enough to see him. “Better?”

He nodded with a smile, “Much.” His eyebrows drew in and his lips pursed like he was thinking. 

I think I’m about to win my bet.

Less than a breath later I felt a single finger exploring me. His touch was gentle as he checked out places where his mouth was well acquainted. I hummed my approval. His eyes met mine for an instant while he smiled, then his attention went back between my legs. My whole body shivered, not from his touch, but the look we just exchanged. His eyes and smile say more than most people can with a whole paragraph. He liked this and that I liked it too.

I like the intimacy. As I’d said earlier about sunsets, I like the after when you’re letting the moment sink in. There’s been a lot of moments since that conversation. Laying here with him touching me was incredibly intimate. There was a vulnerability in being laid out naked in front of someone. Still, I felt perfectly safe. I moved my hand from his leg to his cock. He wasn’t hard. It hit me that wasn’t the point. I touched him as gently as he did me. Sebastian didn’t look up, but he nodded slightly. Although I had no doubt this would turn into sex, it wasn’t sex. It was different. It was more. It was being comfortable and being together.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt like this. I keep thinking the word accepted, but it doesn’t feel right. Still, I think it is. Whatever it is, I know for sure it’s right and it’s good and it’s Sebastian.

“What are you thinking about?” His voice startled me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

I shook off his apology, “I was thinking how laying here quietly touching each other feels very good. Emotionally.” I nodded, “Feels good.”

I know I just opened a door to a potentially dangerous conversation. We’ve had sex and now I mention emotions. Podcasts, magazine, and groups of girlfriends would be screaming at me to shut up and take it back. Usually, I’d agree. Right now, I don’t. I don’t quite know why I don’t, which is why I said it out loud. He’s in this with me.

“Yeah.” He licked his lips and played with his tongue, thinking. He looked up to the light on the ceiling, “The lights are on and I look over and can see everything of you.” He emphasized the word everything. “Besides being sexy as fuck there’s something very . . . I don’t know.”

It was nice how he didn’t know either. Suddenly the word came to me, “Intimate.”

He smiled and nodded his agreement, “Intimate. I don’t think it’s about the sex. It’s about talking for hours, playing and laughing, and working together at the house.”

Sebastian was right. The intimacy came before the sex. Sex didn’t make you feel comfortable. I’ve had sex where I wasn’t comfortable just being naked, where once it’s over you pull up the sheet. Naked during sex is different from just naked.

“I keep thinking the word accepted, but I can’t figure out why.”

He was getting hard and I needed to change the position of my hand. When I did that, he pushed a finger inside me. There were a few seconds of silence while we took in the new sensations.

“Good word. We’ve talked about things, told each other things . . . like when I told you I struggle with self-confidence. You didn’t think it was stupid. I guess I do feel like you accept me as I am and I trust you. Why wouldn’t laying here feel like no big deal? Only it is.”

I was reminded of the conversation from earlier about being brave enough to be vulnerable. We were both being brave. Except I wasn’t scared. “I like you.”

He scrunched up his nose, “I like you too.”

“No, I mean I like _you_. Not because you’re fun to be with, we have great conversations, and the smoking hot sex.” He laughed with me then I got serious again. “I just like you.”

Sebastian’s face went serious in a way I hadn’t seen before. Serious, but soft. He moved my leg from across his chest and joined me upside down on the bed. His eyes searched my face, his fingers soft on my cheek, “I like you too.”

We lay there staring at each other. The look on his face stayed intense. I thought I read a lot of things in that look. I wasn’t reading this any more wrong than I had his attraction despite us not having kissed. I don’t know what my expression was telling him, but I hoped it was close. I noticed his breathing had increased. We were barely touching. I noticed mine had too. I raised up to kiss him but stopped to look at him again. I smiled a little bit and Sebastian broke out in a huge grin that ended when our mouths met.

“Don’t move,” Sebastian whispered against my lips before sitting up to grab a condom and quickly put it one. He was back laying next to in no time. “I don’t wanna stop once we get started.” He trailed his fingers from my temple to my chin then over my lips. I opened my mouth and caught one of his fingers, closing my lips and circling the digit with my tongue. Tilting my face to his he moved closer, mouth open, and we were kissing again. His soft tongue teased and tangled with mine.

“We haven’t spent nearly enough time just kissing.”

“We’ll fix it.”

I moaned into his mouth and our kiss became more intense. I ran my hand down from his shoulder to his hand and put his hand back between my legs.

Sebastian slid his fingers inside me with a groan. I raised my leg, planting a foot on the bed to help me work myself against his hand. He broke the kiss and lowered his head to suck my breast. My hand flew to the back of his head, “God, Sebastian.”

Smiling as he looked up, Sebastian said, “I want you close. I don’t think I’m gonna last long.” He continued playing with me, alternating for a few minutes between fucking me with his fingers and rubbing circles around my clit before just focusing there. He left my breast to kiss on my neck, “You’re so beautiful.”

A jolt of pleasure shot through me, “I need you inside me.”

“Roll over.” Sebastian moved behind me as I went on hands and knees. He leaned over my back, his hands moving from my hips to my shoulders as he kissed the back of my neck. “Want you.”

I turned my head to kiss him, but it didn’t last long. He went back to my neck then I felt his tongue drag down the length of my spine to the crack of my ass. My arms nearly collapsed. If that wasn’t the most erotic thing ever I didn’t know what was. He punctuated the end of his journey with an open-mouthed kiss on my hip that turned into a nibble. I heard myself make an incredibly needy sound.

Sebastian moved behind me, one hand holding my hip, and I felt the head of his cock rub over me once or twice before he pushed into me. His fingers dug in while he rocked his hips, going deeper and deeper. Once he was fully inside me he reached around to finger me again. His strokes were slow and very controlled. I can’t imagine the restraint that was taking. He made these little groaning noises interspersed with “oh fuck” and “yes” and “Emma”.

I felt him so deep inside me, each stroke of his cock and movement of his fingers bringing me closer and closer. I arched my back, changing the angle for both of us. Sebastian’s stroke stuttered. I looked over my shoulder to see him biting his lower lip, eyes squeezed shut, and his head back. Pleasure was written all over his face. “I’m gonna come. Harder, fuck me harder.”

Doing as I asked, he slammed into me. His fingers stopped moving and pressed against my clit, letting the force of his hips keep up the stimulation. My head dropped to the bed when my orgasm hit and I cried out for him.

“Feels so good to be inside you when you come.” Both his hands held onto my hips now, steadying me as he thrust harder and faster. More mumbled curse words, moans, and my name. I loved how lost in it he was. When his fingers tightened so much that I knew he’d leave marks, I tightened my inner muscles as much as I could. “Fuck!” One last thrust and he held me tight to him, releasing himself deep in me. He leaned back over me, kissing along my back, while barely moving inside me before pulling out.

Sebastian was back in the bed by the time I managed to roll over, still mostly wrong ways in the bed. Righting myself just seemed like too much effort right now. I was covered in sweat, my chest was bursting, and my stomach was full of butterflies. My closed eyes flew open when I realized tonight was the best sex of my life. And it’s not just the sex. It's astounding how this man, this man I've known for three days, made sure I knew what we did was my choice. He didn't assume. He did it in a way, so easily, that I'm sure this was not the first time he'd made sure consent was clear. Hell, the day we met he didn't assume I'd let him know where I live. No one had ever been this way with me. None of my friends had ever talked about a man being like this with them. This is a good man.

I reached for his hand and laced our fingers. I turned my head and squeezed his hand to get his attention. He looked over, his lips parted with breathing that hadn't returned to normal, with sweat-dampened hair against his forehead. I started laughing because it felt so good. "Is it crazy to think you might be falling for someone after only three days?"

Sebastian’s laugh was immediate. He threw his head back, arching his neck against the bed, while his laughter filled the room. He looked back at me, his face lit up with his smile, "Fuck, I hope not." He rolled on top of me and kissed me. "Or I’m crazy too."


	24. Chapter 24

~*~Sebastian~*~

After a period of extended kissing, we eased apart. I was starting to get a little cold. “We should move to the right direction on the bed.” She nodded her agreement. “I’ll get the covers.” They weren’t on the bed anymore. I have to say we’d made good use of the limited space we had. The space was good as a guest house, but it was small. The bed was a full and I don’t even want to talk about the size of the shower. Ok, I will say something. We’re not having sex in the shower here.

Emma arranged the pillows while I untangled the sheet and blanket. It felt like time for sleep. I don’t usually sleep naked, but I couldn’t bear the idea of there being clothing between us. Climbing back into bed, I held out my arm for her to cuddle up. She kissed my chest before laying her head down and putting her hand over my heart. I laid my hand on hers, folding my fingers over.

“Tomorrow, well today, is Memorial Day. Do you have plans?” I held my breath.

“Just a cookout. Nothing I can’t cancel.”

“I don’t want to ask you to cancel out on your friends.” I actually kinda did.

She lifted her head and pressed her lips to mine, “You’re not asking. I’m volunteering.” I leaned in, returning her kiss. She smiled and asked, “When’s your train?”

“Late as possible.”

There was some more kissing before we tangled together, my head resting against hers, and we fell asleep.

I woke up before Emma. Her hair was a mess on the pillow and covering her face on my chest. I very gently moved it away so I could see her. Fuck me, she’s beautiful. Might be the sex hormones, but fuck. I guess I hadn’t been as gentle as I thought because she started moving. I watched her stretch her shoulders and take a deep breath before sliding her hand around me, pulling me to my side. Then she opened her eyes.

“Wow, you’re always so handsome.” She ran her fingers through my hair, “Even more when you’ve just woken up and your hair’s all messy.”

Seriously? She opens her eyes and this is the first thing she says to me. My god. I . . . she . . . maybe . . . aw, fuck it. I laced my fingers into her messy hair and brought us together. Her mouth fell open as I got close and we’re right back where we left off last night. She’s right, we haven’t spent enough time just kissing for the sake of kissing. We’ve got all day.

Pressing my hips into her wasn’t a conscious move. She pushed me away, “Is that morning wood, or do you want me?”

I don’t know if it’s the words or the slightly deeper tone of her voice in the morning, but if I wasn’t hard for her, I would be now. “Started as morning wood then I saw you were still here.”

“Where else I would I be?” The smile that reached her eyes and the slight wobble of her head, emphasizing her words, send a shock through me.

I shook my head, “I don’t know, but I’m fucking ecstatic you’re here.”

“Me too.”

While we kissed I reached behind me to find the condoms on the nightstand and shoved them under the pillow. Closer is better. I put my hand between her legs, my fingers sliding inside her, and finding her slick. I kissed over to her neck, “Love how you feel.”

She reached over my head and I felt her digging where I’d stashed the condoms. “I want you, Bastian.”

That went right to my cock.

I kept playing with her while she sheathed me. Her hand wrapped around me, stroking me, then gripping tighter to lead me to her. I took her top leg over my hip, entering her as she guided me. From there it was all kissing and fucking. Occasionally one of us would run a hand over someplace or tease a nipple, but it was really about where we were connected. It felt so good that there was never a need to change anything. I felt my orgasm coming. I also felt her hand grab my ass, her suck my tongue, and her walls contracting around my cock. I joined in, thrusting deep to come. We never broke the kiss.

What could have been an hour or two minutes later our mouths separated. I buried face in her hair, “I think we just broke a law of physics or something.” Emma started laughing, which made her tighten up around me. My cock was too sensitive for the pressure. I winced and pulled out. “Ok, I’m going to get rid of this condom and take a quick shower. Then I’ll pack up and we can go say goodbye to the parents.”

“I’ll shower while you pack. Not getting near your mother reeking of all sorts of sex with her son.”

I chuckled, “Good point.” I nodded in the direction of the bathroom, “I’d invite you to join me, but you’ve seen how tiny that shower is. I barely fit.”

“I have a big shower.”

I raised my eyebrows, “We’ll have to get dirty again.” I gave her a quick kiss, fighting myself to not let it be more, and headed to the bathroom.

I don’t remember last time I smiled so much during a shower. Yesterday had been quite the day. Hell, it had been three days of smiling. I left it at that, determined to stay in the moment for at least another twelve hours or so. I was having way too much fun to ruin it with overthinking. My therapist would be very proud of me.

Wrapping the towel around my hips, I went back into the bedroom. Emma wasn’t there, but the bed was made and all the condom wrappers were gone. She didn’t have to do that, but it was sweet she had. I heard noise in the other room and yelled, “I’m out.” A second later she walked into the room wearing one of my shirts. It’s a miracle I didn’t drop to my knees and say thank you to a god I wasn’t sure I believed in. I pointed all over her, “This is hot.”

She made the same gesture, “So is this.”

When she got closer, I grabbed a chunk of my shirt and pulled her closer for a kiss. “Do this all the time.”

Her smile and the way she laid her hand on my cheek had me wanting to tell her to do that all the time too. “I’ll be quick.” She walked away, letting her hand trail over my shoulder. I stayed with my back to the bathroom until I heard my name. I turned to see her standing there naked. She tossed my shirt at me, “Thanks for the shirt.” She closed the door.

I put my hands high on the door frame, pressing my body to the wood, “You’re teasing me. Please, don’t stop that either.” The laugh I heard from inside made it even better.

We dumped the trash in the cans by the garage and stopped to put our stuff in the SUV. Only then did I see the wrapped-up package in the back, “Shit, I forgot all about the stained glass.”

Emma jumped and clapped her hands, “This is going to be fun. I can’t wait to see her face.”

I took the package and Emma put her hands on my ass, pushing me up the deck stairs. Mom and Anthony were sitting at the table in the breakfast area having coffee and leftover pastries from yesterday. “Mom, I got you something at the festival thing we went to the other night.”

She stood up and came over to the counter, “You didn’t have to, Sebastian.”

Emma spoke up, “He was so excited when he saw it.” I put my arm around her and kissed her head. I liked the comfort she had with my family.

Mom peeled away the brown paper and put her hand over her mouth, “Oh son, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

I let go of Emma to hug my mom, “You’re welcome. I thought it would look good in here.”

“I think you’re right. Will you hang it before you two head out?”

“Of course.” I pushed Emma to go sit at the table while I got us some coffee. “We’re going to head back to her place then she’ll follow me back to drop off the SUV. I’ll figure out train schedules” I shook my head and shrugged “later.”

After chatting over coffee, I went for the hammer. The artist had told me how to hang the piece of art to keep it safe and included a couple of hangers. The chain was adjustable and it didn’t take long for me to have it hanging in the half-moon shaped window, just as I’d pictured it. Mom and Emma stood back in the room looking. I turned and they both nodded their approval. I was glad my two best girls liked it . . . whoa . . . I laughed out loud and they both looked at me strangely. Mom didn’t think anything of it and Emma would learn. I hugged mom again, “I’m glad you like it.”

“I do.” She pulled away and gave me a kiss, “You two go enjoy what you’ve got of the day.” She turned from me and hugged a surprised Emma, “Thank you for all your help yesterday.”

“You’re welcome. I had fun.”

Anthony followed mom’s lead and hugged Emma too, then me, and we were off. As soon as we were pulling out of the drive I reached for her hand, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you.”

She pulled my hand up and kissed it, “You’re welcome.”

I glanced over and saw her questioning face. I’d planned to explain, “For making the bed this morning, for helping out yesterday, for being excited about seeing my mom happy, and most of all for helping me find chocolate chips.”

Emma kissed my cheek, “Thank you for being lost.” We both laughed. “Hey, I was thinking, why don’t we have our own cookout? I’ve got a grill on the deck. We can pick up some stuff on the way back.”

“Sounds great. Can we get some breakfast too? I’m starving.”

Her place was maybe ten minutes from my parents. We were back quickly and I ran the keys in. It wasn’t unexpected that mom had questions. I’d warned Emma I might be a minute. I leaned against the counter, fiddling with my fingers. I think I’ll be dead before mom’s opinion doesn’t matter.

“I didn’t expect you to bring her along yesterday.”

“I didn’t expect her to come. I read her your text and she said sure.”

“I was wary. I’m always going to be wary when there’s a woman around you.” She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know. She was always worried about someone wanting me for me. I was about to tell her she didn’t need to worry, but she went on. “I don’t think she came with you to suck up to the parents. She wanted to spend time with you. Wherever you were.” I nodded my agreement and she continued. “I like her.”

I felt the smile hit my cheeks, “Yeah, I like her too.” I kissed my mom’s cheek.

“I could tell by the way you were making out on the deck.”

I clapped my hands together, “With that embarrassing moment, I’m going to go. I’ll call you later this week. Love you.” I hugged her again.

“Love you too, Sebastian.”

I was still shaking my head when I got in Emma’s CRV. She threw it in reverse, “How’d that go?”

“Not bad. She was impressed you came over to help and she likes you.” Didn’t need to share the rest of the conversation. I was confident Emma liked me for me. I’d gotten good at detecting the fake shit and she’d made it clear last night. Very painfully clear.

“I like them too. I was very nervous. As soon as I said I’d go I thought how weird it was since we’d met all of three days ago.”

I put my hand under her hair where I could touch her neck, “Explain to me exactly what hasn’t been weird with us?”

She pursed her lips, “Good point.”

“I like how you just say things and get it out there. I like how you talk to me.”

A slight blush crept over her cheeks, “I like how we talk.”

My turn to lean closer and kiss the driver.


	25. Chapter 25

~*~Emma~*~

Breakfast was the "Eggcelent" diner for omelets. We talked about dinner, with me checking out what he liked and didn’t like. He assured me, "I'll eat pretty much anything you put in front of me. Except for fennel." He shuddered, "It comes from the devil's asshole. Fennel and anything licorice."

We ran to the grocery to get supplies then back to my place. We changed things up a little based on what produce looked good. Sebastian grabbed some shortcake cups and we loaded up on berries and some whipping cream. Back at my house, Sebastian unloaded the groceries on the counter and I put away, leaving out the chicken to marinade and the potatoes to boil.

"Give me a job." He seemed uncomfortable not doing something.

I pointed to the pots hanging overhead, "Fill one of those with enough water to cover the potatoes and get them boiling. Another for the eggs. It won't take me more than a few minutes to get the chicken done."

We were finished with our tasks at the same time and headed toward the couch. I pulled back, "I'll be right back."

"I'll look up train times."

I came back down to see Sebastian standing behind the couch, his butt on the back with his ankles crossed, looking at his phone. Jeans did good things for his legs. I wanted to stop and stare, but he looked over. It was strange having him here. Not strange in a bad way. The level I felt like I knew him didn’t match the time with which I knew him. Some quick math told me that was because on average our dates lasted fourteen hours if you counted today as four dates and just counted the hours up until now.

"You changed." He checked me out with a smile.

"I was in yesterday's clothes." I went into the kitchen to turn down the heat on the stove and set a timer. The chances of me getting distracted and burning something was high. "What did you find out?"

I was anxious about when he was leaving. I was anxious about when I'd see him again. I wanted him to leave as late as possible or super early in the morning where we could both get to work on time.

Sebastian came up beside me by the stove, "You looked fetching in your walk of shame clothes."

"I feel fresher."

Sebastian raised his nose and looked for the smell. He squatted beside me and ran his hand up my calf. "You shaved your legs." His tone of voice was sweet and endearing. "You didn’t have to for me."

"Yes, I did." I turned to face him, "I want to look pretty for you. Today part of that meant shaving my legs." We hugged, "Just in case a situation arose when you might be touching them again."

He took my hand, leading me to the couch. He sat me in his lap where my back was supported by the arm of the chair. He put a hand behind my neck and the other stroked my legs. "So soft."

"Thanks, glad you like."

He hummed appreciatively. "I like touching your legs very much. See.." He shifted his focus from my legs to my eyes, "You looked pretty in gym clothes at the groceries, in jeans and a peach and white shirt at dinner, jeans and top for the festival, and ratty shorts and well-used t-shirt yesterday. What you wear doesn’t matter, you're always pretty to me. More than pretty."

The way he used my word, pretty, and remembered everything I’d worn made my stomach flutter. I kissed his cheek, "I’m still going to do things to try to turn you on."

"Don't waste your efforts. I'm very easy. For you, anyway." He leaned in and kissed me, his hand moving up my thigh to rest on my ass. “Train schedules?”

I nodded.

“Latest tonight is ten.”

“Ten?” Oh, no, that wasn’t going to work at all. I mean, having to be at work in the morning dealing with a room full of six and seven-year-olds means I can’t really be up all night, but ten is early. I think I pouted.

Sebastian’s face cracked into a slow grin, the hand on my ass pulled me closer and we kissed again. “Latest I can leave in the morning is seven. What time do you have to be at work?”

“Seven-thirty. Fifteen-minute drive.” I bit the side of my lip, “Wanna have a sleepover?”

“Very much.”

“What shall we do with ourselves?”

“I think I promised we’d make up for the lack of kissing.”

“Good thing I set the kitchen timer.”

We made out until the timer went off, at which point I dumped the potatoes and eggs in the sink, reset the timer, and went back to his lap. Needless to say, I was enjoying the hell out of the make-out session. Things stayed relatively calm. Everything stayed above the waist. Hands roamed, mouths kissed, and things would amp up every now and again, but mostly it was this lovely leisurely kissing and touching. I highly recommend.

The timer rang and I pulled away with a groan, “Want to help?”

“Kinda.”

I laughed and headed to the kitchen, “Why don’t you put on some music? Just plug your phone into the dock and it will do the rest.” I’d pulled what I needed out of the fridge by the time he joined me. I put him to work cutting up the potatoes while I cut up onion, pickles, and the hard-boiled eggs.

“Who knows what we’re going to get.”

I assumed that meant he’d just hit shuffle, “That’s the most fun.”

Sebastian finished the potatoes and stood beside me watching. “Who taught you to cook?”

“Mostly my grandparents. My papa taught me biscuits, gravy, and all sorts of fried things. My nana did more healthy things. They used to have a barbeque place. Nothing fancy, just a big smoker and some picnic tables.” My mouth was watering at the memory or maybe that was about the man next to me. Either way, I closed my eyes and moaned happily, “Best coleslaw ever. I can’t recreate it. I think it’s about ingredients changing. Papa would die if he could see how little cans of Crisco are now.”

Sebastian laughed, “Does anyone even use that anymore?”

“If you want good biscuits you do.” I threw about three quarters of the onions, pickles, and eggs in the potatoes with a healthy amount of mayonnaise, salt, and pepper. I tasted and added until I was satisfied. Only then did I load up a spoon and hold it out to him, “It’ll be better once it’s chilled a few hours.”

“Wondered why we were making this so early.”

He opened his mouth and let me feed him. The flutter in my stomach was back. This was my go-to for school potlucks and I always got requests for my recipe, so I knew it was good, but different people like different things. I watched his eyes go wide and he covered his mouth with his hand, “This is delicious.”

I got a thrill from him liking something I’d made. Boy, did I have it bad. Emergency leg shaving and feeding him homemade food. What was next? I laughed to myself. This was my thing. I enjoyed taking care of people. Shaving my legs wasn’t really in that category. Cooking was. I hadn’t cooked for a man in a very long time. “Thank you. Does it need anything?”

Shaking his head, Sebastian pointed to the bowl, “I’ll need to taste again.” I didn’t even consider giving him the spoon. Way too much fun to feed him. He chewed happily, “More pickle? I love pickle.”

I scraped the rest of the chopped pickle into the bowl. I liked him giving me feedback. I pressed my lips to his briefly. “For telling me what you wanted different.”

“How will you know if I don’t tell you?” A slow smirk formed, “Not just food.” A new song started and he took off for the family room, “Fucking love this song.”

Before the lyrics started, he’d turned the volume way up. He quickly turned and pointed to me with one hand, arm outstretched and singing along. “You can dance.” He repeated the move with his other arm, “You can jive. Having the time of your life.” He flipped over his hand and motioned for me to join him. What followed was him singing and dancing with infectious joy. I was laughing while I ran across the room. When I got in reach, he took my hands, holding them out and swinging them in and out. He let go and twirled me around before taking my hands again. We sang along and danced like we knew how, both of us laughing because we didn’t.

The next song was something much more appropriate for slam dancing in a mosh pit. Sebastian dropped to the floor with arms and legs spread, “I wanted a slow song.”

I stood with feet on either side of his hips, looking down at him, “Playlist management.”

“Wouldn’t matter. Shuffles and plays what it wants.”

“There’s a button to turn off shuffle. It’ll play whatever order you put them in.”

His lips were tight and he looked annoyed, “Didn’t know that. Give me a week, maybe two, and I’ll have the perfect playlist.”

I knelt over his hips, putting my hands on his stomach, “I can’t wait to see what you come up with.” The idea of slow dancing with him was very appealing.

“Me either.” He ran his hands up my arms to my shoulders before pulling me over him, “Come down here.” As I lay down on him his hands smoothed down my back to my waist. “Much better.”

I kissed him, pulling at his lower lip, “Your lips are so soft.”

“I have good lip balm.”

I ran my finger through his hair, “You make me laugh.” I kissed him again, long and deep, “Let’s see what I can make you do.”


	26. Chapter 26

~*~Sebastian~*~

Fuck, yes, let's see what she can make me do.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved the long make-out session. Emma is a great kisser and I like kissing for the sake of kissing. Kissing can be as intimate and exciting as you let it be. Earlier was intentionally low key. There is something about relaxed kissing and touching with no intent for it to go further. I knew there would be more later, but for a period of time, we were just getting to know one another, learning how to kiss. Emma likes soft kisses and licks that build to full open mouth. She likes the anticipation, the flirt. My guess is that kisses are what start the response for her. For me, it’s' touch. I want her hands, her fingers on me. Not starting in sexualized areas, arms, face, back, stomach, thigh. That’s how I like to start, which explains when I go in for a kiss its full open mouth and tongue. I’m on step two and she's on one. What I see happening to get us both what we need is to start with her teasing kisses and the sensual way she touches me. If I focus on kissing her and she focuses on touching me we're going to hit deep kisses at the same time.

The answer is yes. I really do think like this. It’s a combination of overthinking, wanting to please my partner, and ensuring I get what I need too. I don't overthink with everyone. Who has time for that? Believe it or not, if I'm overthinking it’s because she matters to me. I like her and want to figure out what works for us. With Emma, we’re at the beginning of figuring the other out. Making out for a good long time is a fun way to start.

However, now we're laid out on the floor and kissing isn't going to be enough. Even a leisurely make-out session causes physical reactions. Cooking paused things, and her laying on me kissing my neck, and rubbing my chest has jump-started my system. Happily, Emma had my jeans to my thighs in an instant. No teasing now, she went down on me, swallowing my cock without preamble.

The first thing she made me do was buck up into her warm mouth, tangle my fingers in hair, and cry out her name. Loudly.

I did not want to orgasm like this. I wanted to be inside her. When it was almost too much I sat up, putting my hands under her arms, and pulling her up to kiss her. "You get your pants off and I'll get the condoms."

I kicked my jeans off before getting up. My bag was by the stairs. I grabbed it and head back to her. She wasn’t where I left her.

Emma had moved to the couch with one leg up on the chaise. She crooked her finger, "Come here."

I dropped to my knees in front of her, "I want to be inside you."

"Coincidentally, exactly where I want you."

Anything I wanted to say was silenced by her kiss. Her hands went up the back of my shirt, pushing it up. I moved back to let her strip me, moving back closer I pushed inside her. We both moaned. Fresh from a blow job, it didn't take me long to come. I buried my face against her neck for a minute before going down on her. My mouth covered her and I slid my fingers inside her.

"Yes." Emma put her leg over my shoulder and held onto my arms. Every so often I’d glance up to see her, to see the pleasure I was creating written over her face. The sounds she made and the way she held on to me let me know she was enjoying what my tongue was doing to her, but, as I've said before, I like to watch. One time I looked up as she looked down at me. Her voice was breathy, "Close."

I picked up the pace with my tongue and fingers, pumping hard inside her. Emma got louder. I like loud. Loud is good and on the edge of out of control. What an ego boost that I was making her feel so good that she was barely holding on. I felt her orgasm hit. The tightening of her walls around my fingers. A quiver against my tongue. The slight dig of her nails on my arms. And her voice filling my ears, my name coming out broken and surrounded by gasps.

Much like me when I'd pulled her off my cock, Emma welcomed me in her arms and tangled our tongues. Happily satisfied I could do this for a long time. Just like our earlier make out session there was a lot of kissing and touching. Coming down was almost as good as the buildup.

We moved properly onto the couch with her head on my shoulders and fingers drawing designs on my chest. Her tongue circled my nipple and she sucked me, letting go with a popping noise. "You're really good at that, Bastian."

I corrected her, "We're" because she was wrong.

Emma propped her chin on her hands, which were folded on my chest, "We're?"

I smiled, "We're really good at that. I didn't do it on my own."

"That's all wrong," she sighed dramatically.

I responded with a comparable amount of drama," What?"

"You should say something like, "You make me a better lover, Emma."

I gagged like a cat with a hairball. "No, I'm never saying those words." She laughed. "And let me give you some advice. If any man ever says those words to you, get dressed and run the fuck away."

"I'll remember that, thank you." She turned her head and laid it on my chest.

Oh shit, was she serious? The way she's laid her head down, not looking at me. Did I hurt her feelings? I'm panicking a little. I ran my hand over her hair, "Umm, were you serious?"

Emma lifted her head and looked at me like I had an extra eye or something. Oh, thank god. She shook her head, "Not even close to serious."

I put my hand on hers, "Oh good! I was afraid I'd hurt your feelings. You got quiet."

Pushing up she pressed her lips to mine, "I got quiet because I'm still a little out of breath from the delicious sex we just had." She kissed me again. "If you hurt my feelings you'd know."

"But I don't know, so how would I know?"

Her smile calmed my panic. "I wouldn't turn away. I'd meet your eyes and tell you why you hurt my feelings and what I need from you."

I was quiet and amazed, especially if what she said was true.

Emma must have thought I was confused. "Like this." She looked serious and met my eyes, "Sebastian, your dismissal of my wanted affirmation of my sexual skill hurt my feelings. I need some reassurance or feedback on what I need to do better." She broke character with a laugh. Definitely not serious.

I laughed and flipped us where I was above her, "Let me give you some specific feedback. I like how you touch me. Soft and sensual, but able to go sexual in a heartbeat. How you noticed me react by the linen closet when you touched my side, then went hunting for the same place later. Your mouth on me anywhere is my favorite thing, your lips and tongue set me on fire. I like it when you tell me what you need when I’m going down on you. I like the way we move together and collapse after."

She swallowed hard, "Wow.” She kissed me softly, "Your lips are soft and your kisses are the best thing ever. I don't think I could ever kiss you enough. We’ve still got some catching up there.” I smiled, almost laughing. “I love the way your hands touch my skin, the strength in them as you hold onto me. I like how you’re bigger and stronger than me, makes me feel petite, especially when you lift me off my feet. And the way you stretch me and move inside me feels incredible. We’ve set the bar very high."

“Yes, we have.” In a ridiculously sweet move, I kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead before rolling to my side and holding her against me. My lips rested against her head in a kiss that turned to a smile.

Right now, this moment, I am content. I stayed still and enjoyed it for a while before I pulled my head away to look at Emma. She was asleep. I’d never noticed how long her eyelashes were before now. They looked like mascara smudges under her eyes. She looked completely relaxed and I could feel her soft breaths against my chest. The second to last thing I wanted to do was sleep away the day. The last thing I wanted to do was wake her up. I took a chance and closed my eyes.

I woke up in a little under an hour. Emma was still breathing soft on my skin and I was still content. Time to wake her up. I don't know for sure, but if she's anything like me if she naps too long she won't sleep tonight. I like to think she's like me. I ran my fingers through her hair, pushing it away and down her back. I kissed her forehead and ran the backs of my fingers across her cheek, "E timpul să te trezești, puiuț.”

She stretched a little and burrowed a little closer, "I don't know what you said, but please say it again."

I kissed beside her ear and whispered the same words. First in Romania then English. "E timpul să te trezești, puiuț." Another kiss." Time to wake up, baby."

"Mmm, I like that. How do I say I like being with you?"

I smiled, but more about her wanting to say it in Romanian. "Îmi place să fiu cu tine."

Emma got stuck in the middle. I broke it down more and got her through it phonetically. She mouthed the words then said them again. She looked at me, "How was that?"

“Near perfect. Îmi place să fiu și cu tine." She started to repeat. I shook my head, "No, that's me saying it back."

She said a quiet “oh” and kissed me. "Wanna see the rest of the house?"

"Love to."

Emma picked my shirt up and pulled it over her head before finding her panties. Looked like the house tour was going to be dress casual. I looked for my boxer briefs, digging them out of my jeans, and pulling them on. Seemed fair. Emma's in my top and I’m in my underwear.

She ran her hand down my chest to flip the elastic on my boxers. "Distracting."

"What do you need to focus on besides me right now?"

"Remembering where my bedroom is." She took my hand, "Grab your bag.”

We walked past the bathroom I'd used the other day, heading toward the door on her left. I wondered what her bedroom would look like. I pictured a high bed with a lot of pillows. For color I was thinking was something light.

Partly right. Maybe even mostly right. The walls were a medium gray-blue with cream trim. Her bed had an upholstered cream headboard. Furniture was a light wood. From the downstairs decorating I wouldn't have pictured this bedding. Cream with light and dark blue damask comforter, accented with light blue velvet throw pillows. There was a TV mounted on the wall beside the bed, pulled out on an arm. And over in the corner was a chair, ottoman, and a small table.

I sat my bag on the bench at the end of her bed. "Not what I expected." I ran my hand over the comforter. "Lots of texture." I picked up one of the velvet throw pillows and hugged it to my naked chest, "Oh, I like this."

Emma smiled, "It's a girly room."

I put my arm around her waist, pulling her against one, "You are a girl." I hooked my finger on the neck of my t-shirt and looked down. "Yep, girl."

"You didn't remember?"

"Oh, I remember." I kissed her with the intensity of a man who definitely remembered. "I like. Nothing wrong with girly. I like girly things. Silky, lacy, girly things."

She kissed my neck, "I'll remember that."

There were good things in my future. I bet there were already silky, lacy, girly things in this room. In one of those drawers. I nodded toward the seating area, "Reading? There's no light."

"I read mostly on my tablet."

I shook my head slightly, "I like the feel of a book in my hands. The act of turning the pages."

"I sit with a throw over my legs, a cup of tea between my hands, and the tablet set to turn the pages for me." My eyes got bigger. "The lines scroll. I set the speed." She walked over and pulled back the curtain, "Gorgeous view of snow and storms."

"Which do you like best?"

Emma hummed and looked up like she always when she was thinking. "I like the flash of lightning and the sound of thunder, but I could watch snow fall for hours. The snowflakes are so pretty and then as it accumulates it’s like icing covering the world. I love waking up to find everything covered in white."

"I like it fresh, but it gets so dirty in the city."

"How about Romania and Vienna?"

No one had ever asked me about the snow. I had to think for a few seconds. "Some but not a lot in Romania." I smirked, "That's how it was there for everything. You got something, just not much. The snow would make it beautiful, just not for long." I shook those memories away, "Now Vienna was gorgeous. Baroque buildings were a great backdrop. There were sidewalks between buildings and squares and beautiful parks. Thick heavy snow." There were happy memories in the Vienna snow. There was plenty there. Plenty of food, heat, snow, and good times.

I noticed the short wall between the bathroom and what I assumed was the closet had several framed pictures. I pointed, "Can I look?"

"Sure." Emma walked with me. "Pictures of my family."

There were different constellations and backgrounds, but the same people. I recognized her parents and sister from Instagram. Emma introduced me to her grandparents, a family reunion full of aunts, uncles, and cousins, her best friend Angie and her husband Eli, and Ed with his wife Jill and daughters Olivia and Harper. There was a framed graphic of the word 'Ohana' surrounded by Hawaiian flowers. the movie quote came naturally. "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind."

Emma nodded furiously with a big, beautiful smile on her face. "Lilo and Stitch is my favorite. Always has been. It grew more meaningful over the years. First, it was just Pudge controls the weather, and Stitch being out of control like a first grader. Their family expands because they need more support. I needed more support and Ed's family became my family. When I moved to New York with Jimmy I made my own friends and Angie and Eli became my family. They come with some extended family." She spread her fingers and pushed her hand toward all the pictures. “These people are my family. They will drive and fly for miles if I need them. And I them. If Olivia texted me she needed me I'd be on the soonest flight to Seattle. They’re my little sisters. I took care of her as a baby a lot. She was such a sweetie, but she would not sleep at night. Hours of crying before she’d collapse. We took turns trading her off."

Something didn't make sense. "You lived with them? Not just vacations in Hawaii."

Initially, her face looked a little concerned, like she'd said more than intended, but she continued. 

"Between our junior and senior year, there was some trouble. Amy had a pretty big drug problem. I didn't get pulled in the way she did. Home sucked for a while. Mom and dad were struggling with both of us. Amy was angry at me. I was fighting back and dealing with my own shit. Everyone at school knew what was going on. I hated it. I wanted to go away. Ed talked to dad and I moved to Seattle for my senior year."

I remember her telling me stories from high school and how close they were. “You two ok now?”

“Usually.” Her smile was a little sad and I can only imagine what it’s like to be distant from your twin. She didn’t continue so I took the conversation another way.

“I bet living in Seattle was cool as fuck."

Emma laughed and her eyes lit up, "Yes and no. I would do anything to be away from Alpharetta, but I had lots of rules. Had to go to school. Nothing below a B, tutors if I struggled. I had to participate via Skype in family sessions and with my therapist. I had a completely unreasonable curfew. As long as I did what I agreed to I had a family that would be at my volleyball games, little sister to play with, a mom who cooked with me, and a dad who took me to recording studios, gigs, gave me guitar lessons, and around Christmas taught me to surf. It was a good arrangement. I worked hard."

"Surf and guitar lessons from Eddie Vedder. I'm jealous."

"Don't be. He's tough. Lessons every night and at least an hour of practice. Even if I had a match. Three hours a day on weekends and breaks."

I got this one, "Yeah, but I bet some of those hours on weekends were with Pearl Jam."

She smiled slyly, "And other friends."

"I wanna hear tour stories. After parties. All the juicy parts." I was bouncing. "And anything you only know about."

Emma coughed out "Fanboy."

"Hell yes, and proud of it. Grew up a terribly uncool theatre geek. I go to comic cons where I’m worshipped by movie and comic geeks. They're my people, but I've been to just enough after parties to realize the musicians are the ones having the most fun."

"I have better stories from Eli. A couple of fun festivals, when I snuck away. Ed's very protective." I snickered. "You think I’m kidding. I had to get approval to hang out, much less date, a musician."

My eyes went wide and my mouth fell open, "Did you really?"

Emma shrugged "I didn't even try."

The more I thought about it, the more I could see Ed being protective. If anyone knew what touring musicians were like, it was him. Yeah, I’d be protective too. I motioned with my hand, "Ok, give me Eli stories."

Crawling on the bed, Emma leaned back on the pillows. I laid across the bed, propped up on my elbow. After listening to tour bus and hotel party stories here's what I think. It's a frequency and volume thing. I did a photoshoot years and years ago that involved me in a tub covered in half-naked models. I've been to parties like that, but it's not every night. It is for rock stars. Ok, I’m lying. There was a period of time I partied almost every night. I remember some of it. Long term bad idea. Short term fuck ton of fun.

Fan stories she told were scary. My worst nightmare. Outside of the odd situation, I don't deal with loads of fans staking out hotels, jammed into lobby bars, or crowding around tour buses. A couple of fans at a location is one thing. A group of fifty-plus in the hotel bar is another. I guess if you're looking for a hook up it's handy.

As usual, we wound up bouncing stories back and forth and going off on tangents. A lot of laughter too. Emma laid down in her back in front of me while I told her about a very detailed fan letter that was given to Evans. Mackie stole it and did a dramatic reading. Good times.

I rested my hand on her stomach while we continued to talk. I liked this a lot, the relaxation and comfort just hanging out. In her house. In her bedroom. On her bed. It just felt comfortable. Her place is comfortable. Welcoming pictures of family and the layout of the space made it feel like a home. Then there’s the woman who owns the home. She’s made me comfortable since the moment we met, so no real surprise. There is just something about her that pulls me closer, makes me want to be with her. Even if all we do is lie on this bed talking.

Getting to know each other is coming easy which is nice because nothing ever stays easy. At least starting easy gives you some fun to remember as it slowly gets harder and goes to shit.


	27. Chapter 27

~*~Emma~*~

Given the myriad of ways Sebastian has been inside my body over the last twenty-four hours, I find it adorable that he asked to look at pictures hanging on the wall. I don't mean that in a condescending way. He's possible the sweetest man I've ever met.

Once I started talking, I realized I had quite a few more after party stories than I thought. None in the year I lived with Ed, he really was protective, and I was underage. Later though, when I’d go out on the road to visit, and I was over eighteen, there was mischief to be made. Took a step up at twenty-one. By then I'd been around enough for others to realize I was treated as Ed's daughter. They could drink and party with me, but disrespecting me was disrespecting Ed. And if you’re on tour with Pearl Jam getting on Ed's bad side isn't a smart move. If I’m honest, there were only one or two incidents of bad behavior and I handled fine. One thing I learned from Amy and the situation before senior year was what to watch for, how to avoid, and how to get away if things started to go too far. Musicians were not even close to the antisocial assholes we dealt with back then. And at a show I always had a getaway line, "Ed told me to be back (quick look at my watch or phone) now." Only took Ed finding me once for all to learn no one wanted that to happen. I felt safe under his care, so I might have pushed things too far a few times because I knew I had a safety net.

I liked laying in my bed just talking with Sebastian. As always there was nonstop touching. His fingers playing on my stomach were something I didn’t want to end. When conversation lulled, I moved closer and my hand, my fingernails, drew on his chest. The wide smooth canvas was too good to not use. I kissed him softly, "I write something and if you can guess you get a kiss. Each right answer gets a more intense and longer kiss."

"I hope I'm good at this."

"You will be. If not I' II teach you." He groaned. "I'll start easy." He closed his eyes. I wrote "Hi".

Sebastian's eyes popped open, "Hi! I'm good."

"Yes, you are." I stretched up and pressed my lips to his, counting to two in my mind.

"Ditto." He laid back on the bed, pulling my arm for me to roll to my side. " Easier this way."

“You've done this before."

"Never."

I wrote, "Apple." He was right again. Four second kiss, with a little tongue this time. He also got "chicken", "kiss", and "tablet" correct, which equaled 8, 16, and 32 seconds. He missed "macaroni".

"Dammit! Now, I'm sad."

I laughed, "Oh, we can't have that. I'll give you an easy one." I wrote diagonally across his torso ending with the last letter right over the spot that never fails to make him shudder.

He groaned out, "Not fair", and glared at me.

"Maybe, but are you saying you couldn't figure it out. Do you need me to do it again?"

"Yes."

"Yes to which?

A smile lit up his face, "Both. I know what you wrote and I'd like you to do it again."

I wrote again, in cursive this time, making sure to end on the same spot. I looked up from my canvas to meet his eyes, which were locked on my face. "What did I write?"

He licked his lips, "My name."

"Sebastian." I spoke intentionally low.

"That’s me."

I had a thought and cocked my head, "Is the Romanian pronunciation different?"

He pressed his lips into a line and nodded. "Sebasti-an."

The pronunciation made it four syllables. The only change was to the end, sounding like Se-bas-ti-an. I said it and he smiled. "Wait. When you moved your name changed. That had to be weird."

He laughed, "Yeah, but I wanted to blend in, so I didn’t mind. It was the Americanization of me."

I said his name both ways, thinking about what it must have been like having his life change so dramatically. Communist country, to Vienna, to America. Home, language, school, clothing, music, TV, movies. Everything changed. Including his name, the only thing at his age that would have been truly his. "When did it change? Vienna or America."

His face crinkled up a little, "No one's ever asked me about this."

I broke in, "I'm sorry."

He took my hand, holding it on his chest. "Don’t. It's actually a good question." His fingers played with mine.

"I was Sebasti-an until I was twelve. New York."

Out of my grade range, but I knew how impactful names were. I always made sure to learn my student’s names quickly and correctly. And if there was a name change through marriage or divorce there were conversations about what that meant for them. It meant what they chose for it to. For Sebastian it meant the American version of him, moving away from his old life.

I said then both again. Writing down his stomach again. I loved the Romanian a pronunciation. I kissed him softly, "Which do you prefer?"

"Another good question. Sabasti-an is my name, always will be. It's my culture and holds the good and bad of the time. It doesn’t work here. Friends shrunk it to Seb already, imagine adding in another syllable. And it sounds odd mixed with American sentences. Talking to family or doing an interview in Romanian, the American version of Sebastian sounds wrong. So it's really dependent on what language I’m speaking." I just looked at him. He hadn’t really answered the question. He must have been searching back because I saw him find the missed question. "Romanian. I prefer Sebasti-an.

Well, now I needed to learn snippets of Romanian to pair with his name, so he could hear what he preferred.

Sebastian tapped my nose, "Don't I get some sort of prize for knowing you wrote my name?” He was ready to move on from the serious conversation.

"I got distracted. Thank you for reminding me."

He got that cute one-sided quirk of a smile, "My pleasure."

Before my lips touched his I stopped and whispered, "Mine too."

I'd planned to tease his upper lip with the tip of my tongue, but his tongue was there to meet mine, blowing my plan all to hell. Guess I'll have to wing it. As our tongues teased and licked, I lost count somewhere around the twenty second mark. Fuck it, time to move on anyway. It was when I deepened the kiss, laying over onto him, that I noticed Sebastian was having a specific reaction to our game. I got an idea.

"Double word score for this one." I wrote "Want help?" and drew an arrow in the direction of his hard on. I finished writing and laid my hand down the length of him.

Sebastian pushed his hips up for more contact and moaned quietly, "What do you have in mind?"

"Just a kiss." His cock jumped under my hand.

"By my calculation with the double word score I’m up to about four minutes. Not sure that's long enough."

I stroked and kissed him, "I'II spot you the extra."

"You're so good to me."

I pulled his boxer briefs just low enough to free him. I ran my tongue around the head of his cock a few times before taking him into my mouth. My strokes were shallow so I could focus my attention on his most sensitive parts. He approved.

"Fuck, yes, so good to me."

I alternated focus and taking him deep. My hand squeezed his thighs and played with his balls. From above me I heard the sexiest noises. Near constant broken moans and gasps were accented by "fuck yes" and various other expletives. My name made it in there too, but I liked the moaned “fuck yes” the most. It was the breathy pleasured tone which made it difficult to concentrate. The feel of his fingers in my hair was accompanied by the words, "Don't stop. Faster." Apparently, he was done playing and wanted to come. I was good with that. As he got closer his moans got louder and he lost his words.

I cut my eyes up to watch him come undone.

He's beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet


	28. Chapter 28

~*~Sebastian~*~

Emma left soft kisses on my stomach before laying on her side, propped on her elbow. I opened my eyes when she brushed a lock of hair off my sweaty forehead. "Feel better?"

I let out a weak laugh before I spoke. "I feel fucking fantastic."

She kissed my cheek, "Good."

"What can I do for you?" I had ideas but was more than happy to let her pick.

"Nothing. Relax and enjoy the after-effects."

Unexpected answer. I pushed her onto her back, put my head on her shoulder, and wrapped around her. "Cuddle me." I love a good cuddle.

She kissed my head, "Any damn time, Basti-an.”

Oh, I liked her using the Romanian pronunciation of my name mixed with what’s become my sex name. Hell, I liked her saying my name any way. She tickled my back and arm while I did exactly as she’d said, relaxed and enjoyed the after-effects.

I guess Emma thought I’d fallen asleep. She spoke quietly, "Are you awake?"

"Mmm hmm"

"What are you doing?"

"Staying in the moment. Focusing on what I can feel, see, smell, taste, and touch. It's a calming technique, but I find it good for staying present and enjoying a moment. Solidifying it in memory."

"You're trying to create a sense memory of your latest blow job?"

I looked up her with a glare, "It was a very good blow job."

"Thank you."

"I think I should be thanking you." I moved up beside her and kissed her, long and slow. She hummed her approval. "Tell me about your first kiss?"

She took a deep breath, sighed, and fluttered her eyelashes, "First kiss." She looked at me with a smile and I felt my stomach do what her eyelashes had. "I was in eighth grade. We were under the bleachers at a football game. Everyone made out under the bleachers at football games."

I interrupted, "Don't things fall on you?" Gross.

Emma laughed, "Definitely. You have to get there early to get a good spot kinda behind the bleachers against the fence. Less privacy, but less trash."

"Everything's a tradeoff. Sorry, go on. Oh, what's his name?"

"Chris. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, and skinny. He was a new kid. I hadn't really noticed him even though he was in my homeroom. My best friend was too, so we chattered like magpies nonstop. It was maybe the third day of school and we were all lined up to turn in our paperwork. Someone kept flipping my ponytail." She laughed with the memory. "I spun around saying ‘What the hell, Oh, hi. Why do you keep doing that?’ He said because he thought I was pretty and he wanted to talk to me."

"Very smooth for an eighth-grader."

"He was from California."

I fought a smile and nodded, "Of course, makes sense."

"From there it was meeting at lockers, walking to class, texts, and even passing notes. We'd meet at football games on Friday nights. Second game we went under the bleachers. My best friend had already been making out with her boyfriend and she'd told me all about it and how to do it." She closed her eyes, "He put both his hands on my face and kissed me. I was completely nervous. I remember that shock when our tongues first touched." She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Clearly not his first kiss."

"Well, he was from California." We both laughed. "Don't stop, what's the rest of the story."

"A lot of making out under bleachers and in movie theatres. Then in February he asked Sheila to homecoming dance. I broke up with him."

"Ouch."

She rolled her eyes, "Heartbroken. Months later he sent me a note saying it was the biggest mistake of his life. Very middle school melodramatic. Moved back to California in the summer. Except for the end part it was a good puppy love." Her eyes lit up like she just remembered something. "Still have the notes."

"No, you don't!" I half yelled and sat up in the bed. Seriously, she did not keep notes from a high school first love.

"I do.” She got up and went to a small wooden box on the dresser, digging around a little before coming back to the bed. I was sitting crossed legged and she draped a leg over mine, scooting in close where I could see. "This is the first." She unfolded it and pointed to a scribbled part at the bottom, “I don’t care how long it is as long as you write.”. She opened another and pointed to the bottom, "First time he told me, well, wrote in a note, that he loved me." Last one was longer. "This is worse than I remember."

There was a PS at the end that said “I’ll always love you.” Who even writes notes? I mean, it was a long time ago, but nobody’s written notes in forever. "It's actually very sweet."

"Yeah, it was. I’ve had good boyfriends until they weren't, but you can’t judge a relationship by the end. I always thought it was because I wasn't willing to settle."

I felt the shift when my face went serious. I tried for a sweet smile. I swear, we seem to always go from these silly nothing conversations to some intense deep thing. "Did you? Have you?"

"I don't think so. There were bad dates or things were off after a couple of dates and I ended it, but good relationships." I screwed up my face, "Might be an overstatement as there's only been two."

“You weed out the bad ones."

"Sure, we'll go with that." I had questions and thankfully she went on. “My mother would say I’m too picky and too quick to reject someone. I disagree. I don’t understand keeping dating someone you really don’t like most things about, are arguing with all the time, or have no connection with. Not at the beginning. I’m not going to invest time in something that’s already not very good.”

“I don’t disagree with you. If there’s no connection why go on. It’s either there or it isn’t. I mean, I guess in the case of friends who become more, well, no because there was a friendship connection. It took maybe two minutes for me to know I wanted to know you better.” I crossed my fingers, "Not a weed."

She ran my fingers down my chest, "Not a weed." She kissed me softly, "Your first kiss."

I looked at her strangely, "You don't know?"

“How would I know anything about this?

Ok, I’ll go with it. "I was ten. Mom had asked an older neighbor to keep an eye on me back and forth to school. One day she asked if I'd ever kissed a girl and if I wanted to. Yes, yes, I did. So, she kissed me. You're going to ask how much older. She was sixteen."

She hissed in a breath between clenched teeth. "Eww!"

"I know, I know." I held his hands up. "I mean current me knows, but ten-year-old me felt like he was a fucking god." I chuckled, "Completely wrong, but I’m supporting ten-year-old me. He didn't feel exploited, he felt blessed."

"The supposed victim, and I hate the word victim, gets to decide if the joke or comment was sexual harassment. So, ten-year-old you can choose inappropriate, but fun kiss." She cut her eyes toward me, “Just a kiss?"

I smiled, "Just a kiss. I can’t believe you didn't know this story."

"How would I know about your first kiss?"

"Internet. People magazine. Podcast. My friend had a podcast and I was on to get him some traffic. Felt like us talking, which it was supposed to, and we talked about firsts."

She made a face and huffed out a breath, "The internet holds a treasure trove of information that everyone besides me knows. I feel behind."

"I like that you're behind. We get to know each other on an even level. I can't look you up and know all sorts of things."

Emma flinched. "I see your point and I won't be reading any past interviews. We start at today. Well, Friday."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Not fair I can find out anything and you have to ask."

“Thank you."

She waved me away, "No problem." I kissed her and she was smirking when I pulled away. "How about first kiss with a girl you actually liked?"

"Ha ha, that went better, but not as sweet as yours. It was the cast party for the school play. We'd been flirting all through rehearsal whenever we could. We weren't in many scenes together. Someone had spiked the punch so I had some liquid courage. We were slow dancing to something by Savage Garden and during the chorus, I kissed her. It was good, but I learned my tongue and my feet do not work at the same time. They trip over and step on things."

"Noted. Steel toed dancing shoes. Did she become someone special?"

"Not at the time. It was a one-night party. I was only a Sophomore and she was a year ahead."

"You have a thing for older women."

"Maybe. We didn't date that year. It was maybe half way through her Senior year when something clicked. We had plans. I'd join her at NYU the next year. My senior year I went up there a lot. She had three roommates. My parents were always home. Any time I could get together enough money we'd rent a hotel room to have sex." I laughed," First time I ran out and got us Happy Meals after."

"Aw, you bought her dinner."

"After the hotel it was the best I could do."

"Hey, I didn't get a Happy Meal."

"No, my mother made you dinner before we had sex."

“True.” Her voice sang, “How was it?"

I couldn’t help but laugh, “Faster than I thought. Took very little time really." She was snickering. "It got better."

"I can attest to this."

"Thanks. It was good, we were in love, and we'd be in the same school next year. Until I decided to go to Rutgers. Not far away, like an hour by train, but we both wanted to be doing things at our schools. We decided to see other people. We kept in touch and occasionally hooked up. Then I spent a year in London and by the time I came back she was gone. Went to law school in California."

Emma opened her eyes wide, "Maybe she and Chris hooked up! Our exes living a fairytale in a place that doesn’t have snow."

"Anything is possible. And what about your first time?"

"My sixteenth birthday." Her turn to smirk, "That's what I wanted for my birthday. I didn't have a boyfriend, but there was a party that weekend. He was a Senior. Nice guy. We had a class together, so I knew him. It was a house party and we found an open room. The sex was good, he knew what he was doing. Never regretted going for experience over waiting for the right guy. Amy was the exact opposite and couldn't believe I lost my virginity to someone I didn't love or at least close. I didn't get the big deal. Sex and love don't always go together."

"No, they don't. How did you not care what everyone thought so young? I still struggle."

"I had the other problem. I had to learn to take other people's opinions into account as possibly valid. I wasn't selfish or mean, but I had definite opinions and if you wanted to change it you better have data. Then I dated a lawyer for a couple of years and realized how obnoxious that was."

"A relationship you came out of better than you were before."

She held her hands above her head and looked up, "I am a unicorn. Better after a breakup. Doesn't equate sex and love and can cook."

I laughed as I wrapped my arms around her, "You are one of a kind."

"A unicorn."

"Fine, you're a unicorn.” I like how pauses are filled up with kisses now. “Translates to you tend to be stubborn and I tend to overthink. We’re gonna have some fun arguments."

"I don't fight to win, I fight to fix it, to find solutions."

I threw my head back, "You had a good therapist."

I was greeted with a quirked eyebrow, "Is at a problem?"

I held my hands up in surrender, "No. I bought my therapist a new couch. It wasn’t that comfortable and I was spending a lot of time on."

We leaned into each other, laughing. "Mines PRN now, maybe every couple months, more if I need."

"I’m working through some stuff."

"I wonder what our therapists’ would think about this?"

"Haha, she'll love that I impulsively asked out a stranger. Still need to work on overthinking thing."

"Trevor would question the wisdom of you being in my home, but would love me just having fun and going for it."


	29. Chapter 29

~*~Emma~*~

Let me say this... Sebastian is not a weed. I know I'm about to say something ridiculous, but here goes. He's like some sort of amazing sunflower. He just makes me smile. I know, I know. It's only been four days, blah, blah, blah, Whatever. He's incredible. This thing, what we're doing, is incredible. It's soon and it's quick and maybe a little reckless, but the little voice that tells me to be careful is silent. I've learned the hard way to listen to the voice.

After laughing through the movie, we decided it was dinner time. Sebastian took care of the grill while I sliced avocadoes and set the table on the deck. I was done before the chicken and brought beers out for us. I put my hand on his lower back and handed him the bottle, "For you."

Sebastian took the bottle, "Thanks, babe." He leaned in and kissed me. He backed away quickly, "Hey, last night out on mom's deck. I told you why I hadn't kissed you. Why didn't you kiss me?"

I felt my eyebrows lift. Hadn't expected this question. "Part embarrassed.” 

He cut me off. "Embarrassed about what?"

"The failed good night kiss. Standing there face upturned and eyes closed."

"Yeah, you looked beautiful."

I kissed him before continuing. "I didn't know if the thunder was a convenient excuse. Maybe there was another reason like you had a girlfriend, had just ended something, or didn't want to start anything. If you had a reason it wasn’t my place to push that boundary, but I could ask."

Warm hands cupped my face and his eyes studied me for a few seconds before he spoke. "You're pretty fucking incredible."

"Not really." Respecting someone's boundaries didn't make me anything more than decent.

"Trust me, you are." His open mouth met mine, his tongue breaching my lips for a kiss that threatened to burn our dinner. Luckily, he was more aware than I was and pulled away," Don't want to burn the food."

He opened the top of the grill and I moved behind him, wrapping my arms around him, "Smells delicious. I'm starving."

"Me too."

We piled avocado and tomato on the chicken before digging in. Sebastian bit into the sandwich, barely chewing before covering his mouth with his hand, "Oh my god, this is delicious." I nodded my agreement while he finished chewing. He took another bite before saying more, still humming his approval. "I was a little worried, but I'II try anything."

"What did you think wouldn’t work?"

"The whole sandwich. But the butteriness of the avocado brings sweetness and texture to the balsamic honey and the tomatoes bring freshness. Bacon would be good too."

I rolled my eyes, “What doesn’t bacon make better?"

The meal as a whole was good. The grilled asparagus had come out great and as I'd promised the potato salad improved with a few hours refrigeration. He gave up plating that up, preferring to eat out of the bowl. "Can I take some of this home?"

"You can take all of it home."

"You don't want to keep some?"

"I can make more.”

"Good point."

Sebastian cleared the table while I whipped the cream for the berries. He stuck his fingers in the bowl several times to judge the progression. While I assembled the shortcakes I asked him to open the Prosecco.

Went back to the deck, pulling our chairs close to watch the sunset. We were too far from the river to be as pretty as it was last night, but it would still be good. Sebastian picked up his glass, "What shall we drink to?"

I started, "Sunset dinners."

He added, "Kisses that last for days."

"And grocery baking aisles." Our eyes stayed locked as we drank.

My phone went off with a text message from my principal. I didn't even need to read it to know what it said. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”

"What's up?"

"I was supposed to have my newsletter turned in this afternoon. Totally forgot." I cringed, "The text is my principal asking for it." I picked up my phone and responded. I looked at Sebastian, "I need about twenty minutes to whip this out. Sorry."

He screwed up his face and shrugged, "I'll sit on the couch and read or something. No worries."

I kissed his cheek, “I'll be done as quick as I can."

"You in trouble?"

I shook my head, "Lots forget to turn them in. I don't think he cares as long as they're in by morning when they're sent out."

I set my laptop up on the island where I could spread out my lesson plan book. It was a short week and I had a template so it would be fast. I also didn't put my normal level of creativity into it. I had other creative things to do. I emailed it off and closed the laptop. We were having a very domestic evening with me finishing work and his reading on the couch. I put my hands on his shoulders, bending over to kiss the top of his head.

"Time to go to bed."

Sebastian startled and closed his book, "Really? It's early."

I drug my fingers across his shoulder as I headed toward the stairs. "Not for sleep, Sebastian."

"Oh!" I could hear the excitement in his voice, "Bed sounds good."

I waited for him at the foot of the stairs with my hand outstretched. My heart skipped a few beats with the look on his face as he took my hand. His slight smile was enough, but the desire in his perfect blue eyes was lethal. I held our joined hands at the base of my spine and headed up. The hallway to my bedroom seemed half a mile long and once past the door the air was so heavy and thick it was hard to breathe.

I think he felt it too because a few steps into the room he stopped walking. The pull on my hand got me to turn. I didn't question why or what he wanted. He wanted me. I walked the two steps back to him, a hand going to the back of his head and the other around his waist. He did the same. We pulled each other closer, our bodies pressing tight and mouths coming together for a kiss that was intense, but not urgent. We had time.

Our tongues tangled and played while our hands roamed over clothes and held tight. Sebastian moved his attention to my neck, kissing and sucking my sensitive skin. I fisted his hair and moaned, "I want you."

His teeth pulled at my earlobe, "Want you too. Fuck, so much."

We kissed again and I lost patience. I needed his skin. I need to touch him. To feel his warmth. I took the bottom of his t-shirt and lifted it over his head. As soon as that was out of the way my fingers skated over smooth skin. I kissed his chest, running my tongue around his nipple. Sebastian pulled his fingers through my hair and stretched his head back. I took advantage, licking up the tendon on the side of his neck. I felt him shiver and moved my finger along his side to cause more. I didn't go directly to his most sensitive spot, but let my fingertips graze over. From the groan he made he might have liked that better. I smiled at him, "I know you don't like teeth, but that's where I want to nibble."

Sebastian lifted my face to kiss me, "I'm willing to give it a try."

"I’m making a list of all the things I want to do to you."

Sebastian lifted my shirt away and had my bra off a few seconds after. I watched his hands cup my breast and his thumb and forefinger roll and pull my nipple. I brought his mouth back to mine. The way he was playing with my nipples was cranking me up. The more turned on I get the more pressure I like and the rougher we can be. Nothing extreme, just more, but this wasn't that type of night. Tonight was taking our time.

Purposeful or not Sebastian squeezed my nipple tighter. The feeling nearly buckled my knees. and I gasped, "Good gasp or bad gasp?" His face showed concern.

"Good." His eyes sparkled with that news. "That's where I want your teeth. Not right now."

"I want you to tell me when."

"Promise." I dove back for his mouth and sucked his tongue. I just wanted more of him. I could easily slide my hands in the back of his shorts. My quest for skin continued and I went straight inside his briefs to hold his butt. My fingers dug in and I pulled him closer. I wanted to feel the hardness of his cock pressed between us.

Sebastian followed my lead a step further by pushing my shorts and panties to the ground. His fingers started at my ankle and trailed up as he stood, "So smooth."

He kissed my stomach, between my breasts, and finally my neck. I played in his hair, moaned softly, and rubbed against his cock. He held my ass, moving with me. "Everywhere you touch me is on fire."

"Good." He took my mouth again, leaving me breathless. From the sound he made he was struggling. In a good way. The skin of his back was soft and smooth under my hands. I drug my nails from his shoulder down. Sebastian groaned, "Fuck!", and walked us backward, taking me with him onto the bed. "Need to be inside you."

I'd seen the condoms he'd put on the nightstand and rolled off him to grab one. He made circles around my nipple while I rolled it on him. As soon as I was done, he sat up to push me back on the bed, stretching out beside me. Using his leg to hook mine, he held it between his legs and slipped his fingers inside me. I curled my hips to get more and dug my fingers into his forearm.

Sebastian was grinning, one corner of his mouth curved up. It was a very dirty smirk. "So wet for me."

He didn't let me respond, his mouth covering mine again. I wrapped my hand around his cock, stroking him slowly. A second later his tongue flicked my nipple and sucked me into his warm mouth.

"Yes, Sebastian." I felt his teeth test my tight nipple. I gasped, "Harder."

He gave me harder and I squirmed with pleasure. I needed more. I squeezed his cock and moaned his name. He got the idea, pulling his fingers from inside me and settling his hips between my thighs. I grabbed his head and kissed him hard. Even harder when he slid inside me. I loved the feel of each inch of him stretching me deeper and deeper. My hips rose and fell to meet his, craving the friction.

Tearing his mouth away, Sebastian sucked in a breath. He stayed close, his lips brushing mine as he spoke, "I'm glad you found me when I was lost.

I wasn't one hundred percent sure he was referring to just the grocery. I pulled his bottom lip with mine, "Me too, baby."

"Feels so good."

Again, pretty sure that’s not only the sex.

“Yeah, it does." I know I didn’t mean just the sex. "Let me on top.”

Sebastian hissed in a breath when he rolled us over and slid from inside me. I had him in hand and sank down on him in seconds. Our moans mingled when the pleasure came back. I left my hand between my legs to touch his cock, feel him sliding into me.

"I like that. You touching me." Sebastian held on to my thighs.

I smiled at him, my tongue between my teeth, "Feel good?"

He moaned, "You know it does."

Yeah, I did. I leaned over, hands on his chest, and kissed him, "I want to make you feel good." So many double entendres tonight. I sat back up, leaning back on his thighs to change the angle.

"I like this view. I can see it all." He started at my face, but his eyes locked between my legs. I watched him lick his thumb and move it between my legs to rub my clit.

I ground down, taking his cook as deep as I could. My head fell back with the sensations. He was getting my g-spot from inside and clit from outside. "You're gonna make me come hard, Bastian."

My eyes were closed, but I could still see his smile, "Then my job will be done." His free hand moved to my breast adding another layer of pleasure.

I felt the tension start in my lower back. It came down and settle between my legs. "Gonna come, more, Sebas . . ." his name trailed off when the first shock hit. I was distracted so I didn’t see him sit up enough to lock his mouth on my nipple, but I felt his teeth bite down. I thought I was going to explode into a million pieces. His lying back to jerk his hips up into me was the end for me. "Fuck, yes, Sebastian, so good, oh fuck, god, fuck."

My thighs were shaking and Sebastian held them steady. I used my fingers to put pressure on the vein up the underside of his cook. He was a moaning mess now. I tightened my inner muscles to get the head of his cock going in and out.

Sebastian's head was nodding, "Time, gonna come. Emma, you’re so beautiful. Oh fuck, coming." His hands moved to my hips and held me down on him.

I watched his eyes squint closed and him bite his lip the second before he sucked in a deep breath. His chest held the breath, his grip on my hips tightened. He made a sound that almost sounded like a sob, but it turned to a laugh with a wide smile. His hands slid up my back and pulled me over, “Come here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-)


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, me again.  
> I wanted you to have his take on the night and weekend.

~*~Sebastian~*~

Fuck.

This was sex with feelings. The kind you want to hang onto and roll around in. No idea why I started talking. Everything felt so good, I guess I just wanted to tell her. I think both our words held more than one meaning. I can’t say that I was completely lost, but the part of me that feels like this . . . this joy being with a woman . . . has been lost for a while. I don’t for one second believe her saying she wants to make me feel good was all physical. Knowing another person wants to put forth effort for you is one of the best feelings in the world. Sometimes they are just words, but I knew Emma meant them. All she’d done, all we’d done, showed them to be true. Plus, I didn’t only hear them, I felt them. I felt how she cared about me. It’s heady stuff. More so because I want the same thing. I’m way to old not to realize how important all of this is.

Once I orgasmed, I wanted contact. I wanted to feel her body against mine. I pulled her down, telling her “Come here.” She laid on me, gently kissing my neck, and causing strong aftershocks that had me shudder and made me hungry. Not for more, but to not be done quite yet. I put fingers under her chin, lifting her where I could kiss her. My tongue sought hers and tangled us together again. Inside her a different way. A way that didn’t have to end. Because as good as the end was, it was still an end. At least for a little while.

I remembered what Emma had said last night on mom’s deck. Fuck, it was only last night? She’d said she liked the moments after when you took it in and it became part of you. That’s exactly what I was doing. Taking her in. . . and questioning my sanity. Again, remembering her words, she’d asked if it was crazy to think you were falling for someone after three days. I wonder where the insanity line is? Maybe it’s four days and I’m not all that crazy.

I pulled on my briefs and ran downstairs to get us something to drink while Emma turned down the bed. I hadn’t noticed before that there was a calendar on the fridge. Right at eye level. Written in the box for next Saturday was “VB Tourney”. Umm. I checked the door before I headed back upstairs. Emma had on a fitted tank top and boy shorts. She looked adorable and I smiled. Pity I’d be taking those off her sometime in the near future. I climbed in beside her, sitting beside her propped up on the pillows. Oh my god, these sheets. They’re thick and incredibly soft. Dumping my planned topic of conversation, I turned to her, “I feel like I should apologize.”

She did that cute confused puppy look, “Why?”

I ran my hand over the sheet covering us, “For the sheets on my bed last night.”

Emma looked bashful, head turned down with her eyes looking at me, “Really nice sheets are one of my guilty pleasures. I like them thick, but soft. There’s this one place I buy them from and they get softer the more you wash them. They don’t come in many colors. This vanilla is my favorite. It’s rich and almost lickable.”

Glad to know they’re only “almost” lickable. “They’re almost like silk.”

“Did you have red silk sheets like in the Careless Whisper video?”

My eyes popped open wider, “No, but I would have loved them.” I put my hand over my heart, “Is there a better sax solo in anything ever.” I started singing, “I’m never gonna dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm. Though it’s easy to pretend, I know you’re not a fool.” I closed my eyes and sighed, “Gives me goosebumps.” Before I could open my eyes I felt her lips on my cheek. I opened one eye, “What was that for?”

“Just you being you.”

I ran my fingers along her hair from her temple behind her ear then spread them out behind her head, guiding her back to me for a kiss. “I saw on your calendar downstairs a volleyball tournament next weekend. Watching or playing?”

“Playing. It’s a bar league. We’ve got practice every night this week.”

And now for the actual point. “Can I come?”

“Sure.”

I liked how quick she answered.

“I’d like you there.” She hesitated, “It’ll be an all-day thing. Lots of drinking after.”

“I can do that.” 

Not that long ago on a Marvel set not that far away a group of men were talking about women and relationships. Only one of us had an issue with the needed behavior changes brought on by the Me Too Movement. It was hard to know where lines were and I’m sure I’ve kissed a cheek when I should have stood back. The consensus was communication was key. I argued it always has been. This led to how communication is more than just conversation and conversation wasn’t worth shit if it was filtered through what you thought you were supposed to say or not say. Which is in line with our conversation about being brave and vulnerable. When you said what you meant, what you felt, it made you vulnerable. Emma and I had many conversations and talked about many things. The one thing we hadn’t really talked about was the one thing we really should.

I sat up and turned to face her, noticing the flecks of gold in her eyes. I took one of her hands, dropping the eye contact to look at the size difference and how delicate her hand looked in mine. I had a thought that it was time to jump off a cliff, but quickly realized that was just a habit. There was no cliff here. Ah, that’s what my therapist meant by telling me I had some bad habits that were getting in my way. I returned to looking in her eyes, “I don’t want this to be just some long weekend thing. You, me, us. I think we’ve started something and it’s good. I want to see what it could be, what we could be. What do you want?”

Emma was just looking at me.

"Did I just freak you out?"

I could see the soft pink of her tongue between her teeth as she started to smile. She reached out to stroke my cheek. "No, you didn't. I was thinking about what I want. All I can come up with is you."

Pretty sure my face showed how much I liked that answer. I leaned in to kiss her and she stopped me with a hand on my chest.

"I want to see where this goes too. I'd like to skip the part where we don't text or call for three days so the other doesn’t know they like them."

"I already know you like me. You told me."

"I did. I like that we say things. I want to keep doing that.”

"That's the hard part, isn't it? But, it hasn't been so hard. Which is one of the reasons why I want to see where it goes."

"Me too." Emma smiled, reaching out toward me. "Can I kiss you now?"

"You don't have to ask."

We made out for a while before cuddling up together. I kept her tucked under my arm and pulled up close. She laid her head on my chest with her arm over my stomach. I kissed her hair, “Tell me about volleyball." She introduced me to the team through stories and description. I bet I could match names to people. Three women and three men per team. From the stories I picked up they were all friends and the party after to celebrate or drown their sorrows was as fun as the game.

'I’m going to need a job."

"A job?"

"Yes."

She took a second, "You can be my water boy and sunscreen applier."

"Perfect!"

"Team beer fetcher."

"Even better." Pretty sure there is wait staff for everything, but applying sunscreen, which sounds more like fun than work.

"Your parents live here, so I don’t wait to assume anything. Will you be staying with them or me?"

I kissed her head, smiling as I did. "It's very nice that you asked, but I’m staying with you." I waved a hand in front of us. "We can take them to lunch or something."

Eventually we snuggled under the covers to sleep. When I woke up I was on my stomach with my arm thrown over her stomach. It took a lot of energy to pull her over where I could push up her top to lay my cheek against bare skin. My reward for my early morning energy expenditure was her running her fingers through my hair. Worth it.

"When's the alarm going off?"

Emma raised her head, "Fifteen minutes."

I placed an open-mouthed kiss right above her panties and ran my hand up her inner thigh, "I can work with that."

Emma turned off the alarm and less than a minute later I was spooned behind her, thrusting slow and steady into her warm body, and using my fingers to make sure she came. Our kisses were as lazy as the sex, until neither was.

Emma was somehow able to see and looked at the time with a groan, "We overshot the landing. I’ve got to get in the shower."

I wanted to join her, but that was either going to make us even later on I’d miss out on fun things I wanted to do. Like soap her body with my bare hands. Wash her hair. "I'll start coffee."

By the time Emma was out of the shower I’d put away last night's dishes, made the bed, and had a cup of coffee waiting for her. I handed it off with a kiss and headed into the shower. When I came out she was sitting at her vanity table, her hair still in a towel, putting on mascara. I threw on my clothes and headed downstairs to wait. Not that I didn't want to perch myself on the bed and watch, but I also wanted to see the finished result. I was curious to see my Emma as a first grade teacher. I used the time to check email. Nothing pressing except from my manager. Something about a photo shoot. I'd call her later. I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Emma in light yellow capris, a white top, and sandals. It was her hair that left me dazed. Instead of long sleek curls it hung in beachy waves. The whole package was cute and her hair like this made her look younger. Like this she looked very much like I'd envision a first grade teacher. Just as beautiful, but different.

I hopped off the stool and took her in my arms. "You look like a first grade teacher. Cute and innocent."

Emma laughed, "Thank you?"

I moved back to kiss her, "Still beautiful. I love your hair." I shook my head, "So different. I don't want to stop looking at you."

"I like you looking at me."

The timbre of her voice was all too familiar and shot down my spine, "There's my girl." I kissed her again until she pushed me away.

"We've gotta go."

"Yeah." I leaned on the breakfast bar while she pulled the potato salad out and stuffed it in an insulated bag. "But I don't wanna." I stuck my bottom up out in a pout.

I got the result I wanted, Emma pulling it between her lips. "You'll be back in three days."

I rolled my eyes, "I think it's going to feel longer.”

She laid her hand on my cheek, the soft pressure that makes me a little dizzy. "I think so too."

The press of her lips and warmth of her tongue compounded the dizziness and I made a quiet sound of approval. We stood there looking at each other for several seconds before I took her hand, bringing it to my mouth. I kissed it before holding it against my lips to speak, "Let's go."

We were a little quieter on the short drive to the train station and once there we were even quieter. I didn't know how to say goodbye to someone that it shouldn’t be so hard to say good bye to. I guess she didn’t either.

Emma made a "humph" noise, "So this is when it gets awkward."

That made me burst out laughing, "Just get out of the damn vehicle."

She met me in front, wrapping her arms around my back and mine went around her shoulders. I wanted to hold her long enough for her perfume to cling to my shirt. When her grip loosened, I moved my hands to her face and kissed her, "I'll call you later."

She nodded, "Practice from seven to nine."

"Got it." I kissed her once more made myself let her go, and walked into the station.

Wow, what a fucking weekend.


	31. Chapter 31

## Emma

What a crazy fucking weekend.

I watched Sebastian walk through the doors before I drove off. I was barely back on the main road when the weight of the time together really hit me. We shoved a lot into a short period of time, but the short period of time wasn’t that short. Total of four days. Four days isn’t that long to get to know someone, unless during those four days you were apart for maybe ten hours. Two before dinner and eight after. We weren’t apart from Saturday at eleven until just now. Three full days, minus him leaving equals sixty-eight hours of an uninterrupted time, add in fifteen minutes at the grocery and nine and a half for dinner. Now were at seventy-seven hours and forty-five minutes together. I have no idea why I did this math. Usually when you’ve known someone for four days you’ve hung out, talked on the phone, did a few things. We didn’t do that. We spent seventy-eight hours together. Barely any of it sleeping. The problem, which isn’t much of a problem, is trying to accept how I'm feeling about Sebastian after four days and seventy-eight hours sound like more time, which makes the difficulty saying goodbye make sense.

I need to talk to my best friend. My drive isn't nearly long enough. I told my vehicle to call Angie and waited for her to pick up.

"My favorite person!"

I smiled at the sound of her voice, "Even on a long weekend Tuesday morning?" Those are almost worse than Mondays. The short week being the only redeeming quality.

"Always." We both laughed. "I'm dog assed tired. We didn't leave Eli's parents until late. There were too many one last songs. How was your weekend?"

"Apparently it was the weekend for visiting parents. I met a man who was up here helping his parents move."

The excitement in her voice was clear, "Did you? I want to hear absolutely everything. Wait, is this a good meet or a bad meet? I still want details, but need to be prepared."

"Ang, he is incredible. I... he's incredible. It was such a good weekend. I want to flop down on my bed kicking and screaming. He is sweet, funny, and we talked for hours and hours. We had so much fun. And that was before the sex. Parts of my body are still tingling. When I get home my sheets are going to smell like him." I took a shuddering breath. Wow, it felt good to get that out.

"Holy shit!" Angie's laugh was pretty close to the best part of my day and I’d had a really good day.  
"You're gushing over this man. I can’t wait to hear everything. Why didn't you call me last night?"

"Because I only just dropped him off at the train station."

"Explains your still tingling parts."

Yes, it does. Meet up on FaceTime about four?"

"Sounds good."

We hung up and I felt like I could make it through the day without exploding. There is something about a new romance, especially when it comes out of nowhere, that fills you with so much energy. It's fun and exciting. I walked into school with a ridiculous grin and an idea.

I had to work fast. My kids would be coming soon. I ducked into Mallory's room on the way to mine, "Hey, can you come help me for a minute?"

"Sure. Right behind you."

Mallory was a fifth grade teacher. She would definitely corroborate that age were smart asses, but she liked smart asses. We'd started the same year and became friends going through all the orientation and training stuff together. Mal had clued me in on the gossipy teacher I'd gone out with a few times. I would not have been the first story he'd told.

Mallory caught up to me, "Everything ok? I missed you yesterday."

We were good friends, but not good enough for me to tell her about Sebastian before talking to Angie. "Yeah, I was enjoying the long weekend and wasn't ready to be social."

"I hear you. Felt like a work pot luck."

My day had been much better. "I laid around all day." Truth. We walked into my room and I sat my stuff down, handing my phone off to Mallory. "I want a new picture for my final newsletters. Wanted to get it before all this white got dirty."

Mallory took my offered phone, "You look really pretty."

"Thank you." I wanted a very first grade teacher picture. I went to the bookcase in front of our nearly full word wall. I held one hand out like I was showing off our year, which I was, but I was showcasing the words baby, blue, and boy. She took a few pics, I gave her a quick hug, and told her I'd see her at lunch. I took a couple of close up selfies before sending the full body one to Sebastian with a text saying, "Ready for the week."

I got back, "Damn..."

My kids started arriving and it was lunch before I checked my phone. I had a two word message this time, "Closer, please." I picked the selfie I thought he'd like best and sent it before heading to the teacher's lounge for lunch.

It would be after school before I heard from him again.

Sebastian ~ So pretty

Emma ~ Glad you think so. TY

Sebastian ~ Posting something on IG. Not creepy to follow now.

Emma ~ We're past the creepy zone?

Sebastian ~ More or less. My thoughts about a first grade teacher are more inappropriate than creepy.

Emma ~ Completely different.

Sebastian ~ Good day?

Emma ~ Very! Heading home. You?

Sebastian ~ Meeting with manager. Tell you all about later. Safe drive home.

Emma ~ TTFN

I headed home, skipping my usual trip to the gym. Volleyball practice could count. I was out on my deck with a glass of iced tea when Angie called right before four.

"Start at the beginning."

I went through how we met, dinner, and the festival on Saturday. The falling asleep on the couch got us laughing.

"He sounds adorable, Emma. Tell me about him. Where's he live? What’s he do?”

Angie knew all about Ed and she was married to a musician, so I wasn't concerned about her reaction to him being a celebrity.

"He's tall and works out. His body his amazing. Gorgeous blue eyes, brown hair with just a little wave, and a beard. His lips ... his smile lights up his face and he has crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He's gorgeous."

"Of course, he is."

The slight sarcasm in her voice wasn't doubting what I said, but the level.

"You think it's the sex haze." We call the tendency to find someone more attractive if the sex is good being caught in the sex haze. It will blur a lot of faults. "Except he is objectively gorgeous. Want to see a picture?"

"You bitch! You should have led with a picture."

I laughed, "No, I shouldn't have." I sent her the silly picture with the bear from the festival. "I wanted you to hear about him before knowing who he is."

Her eyebrows pulled down, "Who he is?" I heard her text notification and watched her face go from confused to wide eyed, "Holy fuck, Em! That's Sebastian Stan."

"I didn't recognize him until we were outside the grocery. I started laughing." I told her about him not wanting to be anything more than a guy on a date and our conversation about Ed. I could see the disbelief on her face. I didn't talk about Ed. "I thought it would make things easier."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. It's just weird how you meet this famous actor, but aren't all that impressed because your second dad is in Pearl Jam. It's like some weird fate thing. Ed's not going to be happy."

I laughed loudly, "Oh, he’ll fucking hate it."

I told Angie the rest of the story, leaving out some of the more personal bits. When I finished we sat silent for a minute.

Angie smiled, "What do you need from me? You already know the complications that come with being famous. Not particularly stable relationships, paps, and fans. He doesn't sound like a paranoid narcissist, which is a bonus."

I nodded. I did know the pluses and minuses. "I don't need anything really." I took a deep breath, "I needed to talk to someone who wouldn't give a fuck about who he is. My dopamine levels have got to be astronomical. I like him. It started in the grocery, when I realized he was lost and not a rehab patient. There was something about him, how he felt. I immediately wanted to know him and the more I got to know the more I wanted to be with him." I paused, smiled and shook my head a little. "There was this connection. It's comfortable and exciting at the same time. I know it doesn't make sense, but it makes perfect sense. He just feels right."

Angie let the fingers over her lips fall away, "Em, if any one deserves someone, something wonderful it’s you." We shared a smile. "When are you going to see him again?"

"This weekend. He’s coming up for the volleyball tournament." Just thinking about seeing him made me grin.

"Hey," Angie's eyes lit up, "I think Eli met him." She picked up her Macbook and started walking.  
"A party or something." I could see she was in her living room. "Hey babe, didn't you meet Sebastian Stan?"

I couldn't see him, but recognized Eli's voice, "Who are you talking to?"

I yelled, "Hi, Eli!

His face came into view as Angie sat next to him, "Hi, Em. Shit, are you two fangirling over a  
Marvel movie?"

I said no at the same time Angie said yes.

Eli rolled his eyes at us. A frequent occurrence when we were all together. Still, he answered. "A couple of times. He's infuriatingly better looking in person."

"What's he like?" Angie, not me.

Eli looked between us before answering, "Nice guy. Funny as hell when he's drunk and they start talking shit. Boone's husband, Kirk, worked on Gossip Girl. Seb's been to gig, a couple of parties. He was filming something and couldn't come to the wedding, but he was at the bachelor party."

Angie shoved him, "Where were we at these parties?"

He looked at her like she was crazy, "You could have been there. No one pays any attention to him. If anything, he tries to blend in. He’s kind of an introvert. And really, would either of you recognized him before Civil War?"

Angie smirked, "One of us wouldn't recognize him if she ran into him."

Eli narrowed his eyes at her then looked at me, "What have you done, Emiliana?"

I waved my hands around in front of me, "Why am I getting the dad voice?"

More eye rolling, "What have you done?"

I rolled my eyes right back at him. "I went to the grocery and there was this guy in a baseball  
cap and hoodie cursing and talking to himself in the baking aisle. Turns out he was Sebastian Stan."

Eli snickered, "Sounds like him." Angie put her phone in front of him. I could see the wheels in his head spinning. "You would never ask for a selfie. Hook ups don’t include photos. You went on a date."

I raised my eyebrows.

Eli copied me, "You're dating him."

"It would seem so."

"And I’m providing a character reference?"

I shook my head, vehemently, "No. I was having a teenage girl moment calling my best friend to rave about the new guy and she remembered you'd met him. I promised not to Google." They stared at me, "I want to get to know him not research. Fuck knows I don't want him to find me on Google."

I guess Eli could till the last bit shook me, "Em, he would never know where to look."

I shook myself out of the mood, "Yeah, so no, I'm not wanting details on him. He’s a good guy. He’s sweet, good to his mom, was nothing but respectful to me. He’s good to me.” These were my best friends. “I know he partied too much for a while and there was an ugly breakup where they fought in public, said some mean shit. I don't want information unless you need to wave me off."

Eli frowned and shook his head, "I wouldn’t ask your permission to wave you off."

"I love you too, Eli."


	32. Chapter 32

~*~Sebastian~*~

The train was pretty crowded with people commuting into the city. I can't imagine spending three hours going back and forth to work every day. But right now, I thought an hour and a half with headphones sounded ideal. Processing didn't feel like the right word. I usually think of processing as something you do to deal with a negative or incorporate some insight you just had. Emma certainly wasn't a negative. But I guess process is the right word. A lot had happened in the last four days.

About fifteen minutes out of town my text alert went off. Emma sent me a picture of her in her classroom in front of a bunch of words. I doubt her pointing at baby, boy, and blue was  
accidental. I sent back the first thought that came to my mind, "Damn."

Next thing I knew I was at my station. I had not processed shit. I'd sat staring at her picture while my music played. Maybe that was processing?

I ducked into a shop to buy a bottle of water before hitting the gym. I was the last to arrive. I was going to get shit for this.

"Mr. Stan, glad you could join us."

Len looked at Don," Leave him alone. He slept in."

"I've been up since five-thirty, but thanks for the support." I dropped my bag close to the wall, "Got a train back from Beacon at seven."

Jackson crinkled up his face, "What's in Beacon?"

"Parents moved there. I was helping them unpack."

I must have smiled or something because Brad jumped on me, "I don't think that’s all you were doing."

I could feel my cheeks turning red. I joined them stretching out. "I did meet a woman"

There was a chorus of, "Oh yeah", from the four other men.

"Don't be like that," I admonished. "I haven't had a real date in forever."

George laughed, "We know. You'd given up."

I laughed too. I'd forgotten about that conversation. It had been George's twentieth anniversary and I'd commented I'd given up getting a date, forget about getting married. "I guess I was too hasty with giving up."

Len put his hands behind his head and thrust his hips, "If you're rusty and need some tips just let me know."

I covered my eyes with my hands, "Thanks, but I’m doing fine."

Hours later I walked into my apartment. Fuck, was I tired. Hadn't gotten much sleep the last couple of days. I smiled thinking about why. Checking out the picture on my phone again, I headed upstairs to shower. I wanted her face. I asked for a closer picture, put my phone on the charger, and hit the shower. Still wet, I fell face down on my bed and was out, not waking up until my manager called. We were going to have dinner tonight. I hung up and I saw I had a text. I closed my eyes and said, “Please."

The look on Emma's face in the picture was sweet with a touch of sexy. Her smile showed off her single dimple, but the slight quirk of her lip was like she had a secret. If I kept thinking about that I was going to get hard.

I was surprised when she responded to my text. It was a short conversation. I like how she'd brought up skipping past the when is it ok to call or text part. I suck at that shit. I think everyone does except assholes who like games. I don't have the time or inclination to figure out if I’ve waited long enough to contact someone. What happens is I'm waiting for the appropriate time, something happens, and I’m outside the window. Which, oddly enough, is exactly what happened with me trying to kiss Emma.

While I say I suck at this shit, I don't suck at all of it. Honestly, I'm a good date. I'm attentive and can be romantic. I like romance. I like how Emma and I started. The touching and talking were refreshing. It was like time stopped. There was nothing but she and I getting to know each other. I know that's not completely true. There were bumps and anxious moments, but that's part of it, part of life. I like how I felt as we maneuvered the bumps. I didn't feel alone. Feeling anxious feels alone. It feels like stuck in your head and you don't want to let the thoughts turn into words because it makes it real. If you don't say it out loud it’s not real. Good and bad with that. If it's not real, it's not real, but if you don't say it out loud no one can help. That’s a double-edged sword too. People think they're helping when they flood you with reasons you shouldn't feel how you do. If only anxiety disappeared with logic. Some people understand, some even know how to help. Then some people use it against you. I’ve known all three types. Even fell in love with the worst type.

The point of all that is to say Emma made it better. Without a pause she did the thing, said the thing, to make it better. By itself, not such a big deal, but when you combine it with everything else. She's smart, beautiful, fun, articulate, kind, sexy, and she makes me feel good. I feel like I've hit some kind of fucking jackpot.

There is an assumption that being famous is a sex buffet. Yes and no. Do you get offered anything you want and a few things you don't? Yes. I got talked into going with several of the Marvel guys to Vegas. I'd heard the stories. There were places one could have no strings sex and little to no risk of anyone talking. I'm not talking about brothels. I mean clubs frequented by locals who knew how to keep secrets. More than one of the guys had "usuals". There is money involved, but it's for discretion, not sex. Yeah, I know. I don't see the difference either. I went, but wound up out of my mind drunk with the faithfully married men. Wasn’t for me. Honestly, I got laid much more in college and the early years. Because once people knew who I was and the offers started I never knew if they wanted me, a story, a name crossed off their "to do" list, a photo op, or were a gold digger. Not that I had any money back then. When you’re shooting somewhere you're not running around fucking locals because you’re busy. And tired. I get up about two hours before call time, so I'm a human being before I get to set. What I'm saying is it's complicated and not easy. A buffet would be easy.

I'm more of a serial monogamist. I like relationships. I like being part of a couple. There are dry spells. There are dates with sex. And there are dry spells. Most recently there's been a friend with benefits.  
She picked today to call. After the texts with Emma, but before dinner with my manager. We haven't seen each other in, I don't remember exactly, three or four months. It's been a while. Dry spell. Thankfully, this arrangement was not complicated so when I told her I was seeing someone she was happy for me.

The dinner meeting with my manager, Emily, went well. I stayed focused despite the little  
part of my brain that stayed acutely aware of the time. Volleyball practice was over at nine. Theoretically. It’s a bar league and timing might be loose. She has work in the morning. Probably won't be too late. I should probably stop thinking. If she can't talk she won't answer. Just like all day today when we texted when we could. You know, like functional adults.

Sebastian ~ You home?

Emma ~ Yep

I hit call and waited to hear her voice. "No, no, no."

Click.

Not what I was expecting. I pulled my phone away from my ear and looked at it like it was a foreign object. FaceTime popped up. Oh, okay. I answered and her face filled my screen, "Hey."

Emma smiled, "I'd much rather see you than only hear you."

"This is better." Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was without makeup. She looked like the day we met. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She laid her head to the side and shrugged her shoulders, "Why'd you think I wanted FaceTime?"

I pulled my eyebrows down and pursed my lips, "So I could tell you I think you're beautiful?"

Emma shook her head with a grin, "Because I wanted to see your handsome face."

"Thank you." I inclined my head slightly. "How was practice?"

"Brutal." She laughed. "Sand absolutely everywhere. I miss gym floors and shoes. A lot of drills and some three on three."

"Keep going." I liked listening to her talk. She went into more detail while I listened and watched her facial expressions. She was animated with small movements that brought her words to life. I was especially aware of the quirk of her mouth. I was missing her hands and how they talked as much as her words.

"And how was your morning at the gym?"

I raised a hand, palm up, "Didn't you see my Instagram post?"

"As a matter of fact, I did." I had posted a picture of the group with me lying face down. "You looked tired."

"It was a heavy weight day." I entertained her with some of the day’s antics. The comradery made it less exhausting. We worked hard and we laughed often. "I took a nap before dinner with Emily."

"How'd that go?"

"Good." I nodded. "We've worked together for over twenty years now. I start filming in Rome end of July."

"That will be warm."

"Yeah, it will be. June will be the longest I've been home for a long time."

"Lucky for me."

"When's school out?" I was making plans. Pretty global and unstructured, but plan.

"We have through next week to finish up with work. Then it's fun and games. Celebrations of art and music to show off the projects we've worked on but haven’t sent home. Then there’s a day of outside athletic stuff. Relays, three-legged races, carrying eggs, tug of war. All sorts of things to celebrate sending our fifth graders away and the others flying up a grade. All three weeks away. School ends on Wednesday. Closing ceremony for staff Thursday. Then Friday I am going home to Alpharetta for a few days. then back to do some curriculum work."

"I thought it was summers off." I was a little disappointed. I, like many, assumed teachers were really off during the summer. This wasn’t working with my as yet unmade plans.

"Depends on what’s going on. The last winter we had so many kids out with flu and an ice storm closed school. We decided we wanted to have options like video lessons on YouTube or Google Classroom. Right before school started, we got our curriculum cleaned up. Figuring out what are the necessary things we need to make sure we teach. Then over the school year we've been recording lessons. After faculty meetings, we’ve spent time organizing them. This summer we just have to finalize and work with IT do develop the web site."

"Wow, sounds like a huge undertaking."

"It has been, but it will be so helpful if a student is out for them to be able to see the lesson that goes along with their makeup work."

"Are all the grades doing this?"

"Eventually. First and third did this year. We’ll help them to learn from our mistakes."

I got an idea, "Does that mean I can watch videos of you teaching?"

She laughed, "If I enroll you in my class. You'd want to watch that?"

"Maybe. I mean you like watching me do my job."

"Ah, Sebastian. Leveraging a movie to be able to see me teach.”

"I'm not going to promise I'll be in class every day. Never was. But I'd like to see what you do? Someday you'll go on set with me and see how boring most of it is." What did I just say? I’m not shooting anything for almost two months. How very optimistic of me.

"Well, there's an offer I can't refuse."

Good answer. "I've got a photo shoot in a couple of weeks. I think it’s the same week you're going home."

"Ooo, where are you going?" Her face lit up with excitement.

"Toronto. It's promo stuff for the film festival."

"I feel like I should know what you have showing there."

I wanted to reach out and wipe away the annoyed curve of her lips. There was no way she could know unless she was poking around the internet. I liked that she wasn't. "I'll catch you up. It’s a love triangle kind of thing. I'm the bad choice." I told her about filming, how much was improv, and the basic plot. She asked questions to clarify and I enjoyed explaining. I never felt like I was being interviewed. Emma wanted to learn about me.

With the conversation, I'd lost track of time. Again. When I glanced at the clock it was much later than I'd thought. I ran my fingers through my hair, "It's like our first date all over again. Talking for hours."

She smiled, "Its a theme for us. I hate to, but I need to go to bed."

"Believe it or not I’d planned on watching the time, so we could both get some sleep. I, at least, took to a nap." We shared a smile, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"OK. Good night, Sebastian."

"Night, Emma" She disappeared from my screen and I wasn't very happy. I wanted to keep talking, to keep seeing her expressions. Her green eyes weren't as vibrant on FaceTime, but my memory could fill in the details.

Wednesday was text free and my phone rang at three-thirty. "The children were horrible today."

The exasperated look on her face made me smile, "Could it be their teacher was extra tired today?"

She huffed out a breath, "It’s possible.” Her lips turned to a smile, "Wouldn't change a thing."

"What do horrible children do?"

"Tommy used his folders as frisbees. Annabelle and Brooklyn gave each other tattoos during recess with Sharpies. No one could sit still for lessons or story time. And finally, Marta threw up all over the table and we had to evacuate the room until the custodian got it cleaned up. Room smelled like vomit and Glade the rest of the day."

I had been cringing since the tattoos. "Sorry about the definitely bad day."

Emma nodded, "What did you do today?"

Not much. "Um, long run this morning. Lighter weights today. More core and flexibility. Picked up some Thai food on the way home. Took a shower. Then I started reading a book on female spy units. You called. Now, I’m mostly trying to figure out a way to climb through the internet so I can kiss you. We've still got some catching up to do.”


	33. Chapter 33

~*~EMMA~*~

Sebastian gave me a quick recap on his day that ended with, “Now, I’m mostly trying to figure out a way to climb through the internet so I can kiss you. We've still got some catching up to do.”

"I can't decide if that’s adorable or one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard." I licked my lips and bit my lower lip.

Sebastian squinted his eyes, "I’m curious what would rate sexier?"

"The way you told me if I said stop we'd stop."

"That's just common courtesy." He shrugged off my reply.

I shook my head, "It's really not and it wasn't the words as much as the intensity with which you said them."

"I like intensity."

Good thing he wasn't arguing that point. "I like your intensity. The look in your eyes and the tone of your voice."

His eyes dilated and his voice deepened, "Any guess what I want to crawl through the phone to do now?"

The look on his face made his thoughts clear. "I like how you want me. I want you too."

Sebastian scrubbed his hands in his hair, leaving it sticking up in all directions. "It's only Wednesday."

"Yes, it is. What time will you get here?"

"Four thirty."

"Perfect." I could run home after work, freshen up, and change. We stared at each other. I’m pretty sure we were thinking the same things. Dirty things. Our smiles morphed into laughter. I changed the subject. "Tell me about your home."

"My home?"

I raised my eyebrows and nodded. "You've been here. I know nothing about where you live."

"Want a tour?"

"Yes, please."

He stood up, "I'm going to try to switch to the other camera. If I hang up, I'll call you back." His finger got close to the screen, then I was looking out into the room. "Excellent, it worked. This is an extra room off the main living space. As you can see, I use I as an office. Sleeper sofa for guests."

The long wall was bookcases full of books and pictures. One short wall was a desk with an iMac. A sofa was in under the window across from the desk and an oversized doorway opened into a larger room. His furniture was eclectic and comfortable. I had a suspicion he'd added pieces as he had more space, keeping the first due to comfort or maybe sentimentality. The room didn't look mismatched, it was similar in style, and looked like someone lived here. A TV hung over an entertainment center with various equipment. A drawered cabinet that looked like an old library card file stood to the side.

"I love the cabinet. Are they really drawers or a facade?"

"Drawers. I can’t let go of DVDs and CDs. I might need your dad to bring me up to date."

I laughed, "I'd be very surprised if you have anything he hasn't already digitized."

Sebastian continued the tour. "Dining room and kitchen."

The space was open with the dining table separating the living area from the kitchen. The dining table sat six. I could imagine a gathering of friends sharing stories and a meal there. Black cabinets with grey marble countertops lined the wall with a penny tile back splash in variations of white, gray, and black. There was a big island for serving or prep. "Does the island turn into a bar at parties?"

I couldn’t see Sebastian, but I heard his snicker, “It makes an excellent bar. All the booze in here. Even a small wine cooler." He opened the cabinets underneath before flipping the camera around where I saw him. "What are you favorites? Make sure I’m stocked up."

"Tequila is my favorite. I love this Partida Blanco and a Volcan Blanco. I like a good whiskey. Vodka gives me a headaches, unless it’s super distilled. No _Jägermeister_."

"I have lots of tequila. I like tequila. _Jäger_ is shit, but I have friends who love. I think there's some Absinthe under there too."

"Absinthe makes for an odd night."

He turned and walked down the hall into what had to be his bedroom and turned on the light. As he'd told me the room had a dark blue grey wall amongst the grey. His king-sized bed had a dark blue patterned comforter and almost as many pillows as me. The room’s odd angles gave it lots of space but some trouble with where to put things. He had a rather sad excuse for a fake tree in the tiny corner, wrapped in something.

"Nice plant."

"Ah, wait for it." The camera pointed at the dark brown hard wood floor and I could hear rustling. "See!" He pointed the camera back at the tree. It was now lit up and I could see the "wrapping" was white fairy lights.

I laughed, "Beautiful!"

"No, it's not." He turned the camera back to his face. His smile took my breath away. "It's a weird  
acute angle. Will bought the tree as a housewarming present and Chace did the lights. Makes me smile."

"That's awesome." I love silly things attached to happy memories. "Thank you for showing me your place."

Sebastian was walking back toward the living room, "You're welcome. You should come see it in person. I'm coming there this weekend, you come down here the next."

"Sounds good." I'm pretty sure my eyes widened for a split second. We hadn't spent a second weekend together and he was planning the third. I was good with it, but it did surprise me. I’m not sure why. Not a bad surprised. The good kind. This was really just one more in a long list of surprises with this man.

"Good. We'll figure out details this weekend." Maybe I didn't do anything noticeable. "You looked surprised."

I bit my lip, letting it slip away as I smiled "Everything about you is surprising. In the best way possible." He raised an eyebrow, which let me know the answer was considered incomplete. "We're making plans farther in the future than we've known each other. It's good."

"Yeah, it is." He laid back on the couch. "Can we talk about what you biting your lip does to me?"

"Want me to stop?"

"Oh no, not what I want at all. What I want is to bite your lip."

"I want to bite your shoulder."

I watched him shift around, knowing what he was doing. He closed his eyes and grimaced. "Supposed to be hot on Saturday."

I smiled, but left it alone, "It is. You should feel free to take off your shirt. Or sit in the shade."

"I will if you will." His eyes shifted away then back. "Speaking of... isn't it about time for practice?"

"Yes. We're using the gym at my school tonight. Might be late."

"No sand." He got a strange look before going on, "Will you text me when you get home? So I know you're safe."

"Sure." He continues to be the sweetest man ever. His request didn’t feel like he was checking up on me, it came from concern and felt good. I didn't suffer a lack of people caring about me, but this was different.

Practice did last late. I stripped off my clothes as I walked upstairs and fell naked on my bed.

Emma ~ I'm home

Sebastian ~ Long practice.

Emma ~ Good though. Tired

Sebastian ~ I'm glad you're home.

Emma ~ Were you worried about me?

Sebastian ~ Not yet. Maybe a little.

Emma ~ You're very sweet.

Sebastian ~ Go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Emma ~ Night night

I woke up the next morning wrapped up in my comforter, having fallen asleep where I was when I was texting Sebastian last night. I must have been more tired than I thought. I rolled onto my back with a smile. My alarm had pulled me out of a more than pleasant dream. Sebastian and I were laying by a pool, stretched out on a lounge chair with me between his legs, leaning back on him. His hands were holding mine and resting on my stomach. We were laughing and talking. I don't know what about, but the dream felt good.

I lay on my bed with a stupid grin on my face until the last possible moment. I was almost late for work and forgot my lunch. Fingers crossed that the lunch room was serving something edible. About nine I got called to the office for a pick up. I opened the door and was greeted with our attendance clerk and secretary singing, "It's raining men. Hallelujah it's raining men." They pointed to a beautiful vase full of flowers. Light pink roses, white roses, lilies, lisianthius and sweet peas. It was simple and beautiful. I could see the card tucked amongst the blooms, which I didn't need to open to know who sent them. No way in hell was I opening it in the main office.

Karen shook her head, "We want to know who this man is. Those are some gorgeous flowers.”

I smiled as I picked the vase up, "Somebody new with good taste."

"Keep him."

I laughed as I walked away, "I’ll do my best.

I walked back into the room and put the flowers on the corner of my desk. I was able to pluck the card out before a herd of children converged on me chattering about how pretty the flowers were, asking who they were from, and if they could smell them. I said they were from a new friend and backed away to let them sniff. I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the commotion. Sending would have to wait and I knew he would understand.

After dropping the kids off, I brought my lackluster lunch back to the room. The unread card had been burning a hole in my pocket all morning. I stuffed a chicken nugget in my mouth and tore through the envelope.

"I'd be happy to sit and be quiet with you. Sebastian"

I stopped chewing. Holy shit. What an insanely lucky woman am I. Fuck me.

Emma ~ I'd love to be quiet with you.

I opened my photo gallery and found the picture of us at the festival and ran my fingers over his face. His gorgeous face with the expressive blue eyes.

The text notification startled me.

Sebastian ~ We'll make it happen.

Emma ~ The flowers are beautiful. Thank you.

Sebastian ~ You're welcome

Emma ~ <attached picture> I'm not the only one who liked them.

Sebastian ~ Ooops, sorry.

Emma ~ Don't apologize. Best part of my day.

Sebastian ~ Where are your kids?

Emma ~ Lunch

Sebastian ~ Can you talk?

Emma ~ Yes

Incredibly cute that he asked. My phone rang and I decided he needed his own ringtone. "What's up, Sebastian?"

"Nothing." He laughed. "You've got staff meeting and practice. I've got a dinner thing now. I wanted to say hi. So hi."

I laughed and leaned in to smell my flowers. "Hi." It took all my self-control to not sigh.

"Tomorrow. How about we go get some dinner then find someplace to be quiet?"

"Sounds good. What's your dinner thing tonight?"

"Part meeting, part fun. I told you about the photo shoot. It's with the company to talk about the ad campaign"

I cringed, "Doesn't sound a lot of fun."

He made a noncommittal noise, "A couple of drinks will make dinner to bearable. After is a cocktail party could be fun. Could be tragic."

"Couple of drinks will make that tolerable too."

The sound of his laughter was going to make the rest of my day better than tolerable.

"Might not be bad. I'll get myself up. Room full of strangers can go two ways. Fun and easy or dog and pony show where I'm the main attraction."

"And you don't like that." I was reminded of what Eli had said about him blending into the background at parties.

"Not my favorite thing. But tomorrow I get to see you, which is one of my favorite things. I’ll focus on the goal. Tomorrow. About 4:30."

"I have something same time."

"Lucky me."

Students streamed into the room with their usual high level of post lunch energy. Not surprisingly, Sebastian could hear them. "Lunch is over. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow."

"Me either."

The rest of my day was a blur. Staff meeting turned into a bitch fest. Our principal wanted to change the layout of the rooms. Pretty much everyone would be moving. I saw this as an opportunity to do some redecorating. I ran home before practice to grab something to eat and do a quick clean. I’m pretty good cleaning as I go, so I ran around spraying and wiping things. Practice was at the bar complex. I wasn't looking forward to the sand. We had fun and we were doing well. Before we left the  
brackets were up and we were the number three seed. First match at twelve, with report time at eleven. Perfect. I didn't have to go to bed too early tomorrow night.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's back . . .

~*~Sebastian~*~

Dog and pony show it is. There were more and varied people at the party, but it felt the same. I felt like I was on a leash being paraded around the room. I was introduced, explained about, talked at, and I acted well enough to win an Oscar. There were some people and some stories which were interesting. Sometimes not. Advertising campaigns are usually less interesting than movie things. Corporate people and I don't have much in common. I have a rudimentary knowledge of corporate executive speak from previous functions, but most of the conversation is them asking me about projects and people. It was really bad after Civil War because everyone wanted information. Information I didn't actually have. Hell, we didn’t know it was a funeral when we filmed the damn thing.

Almost two hours in I escaped to the bar. Wait staff had been delivering me drinks, but this was a moment of escape. I leaned against the bar and asked for tequila. They had the one Emma had said was her favorite. I took a sip and smiled.

A voice beside me said, "The tequila that good or the party that bad."

I looked at my glass then the man squeezed in the corner. He was my age, dressed more casual in  
jeans and a nice shirt, and swirling a healthy two fingers of bourbon around a glass. I opted for truth, "More about the woman who told me this was her favorite."

"That's better than either." He held out his hand, "I'm Sam."

I shook his hand, "Sebastian. Nice to meet you." I nodded toward the people. "How do you fit in here?"

"My wife." He pointed to an attractive redhead. "I’m the arm candy."

Funny.

"Good for you."

Sam smirked and took a long drink. "Where is your tequila connoisseur?"

I looked at my watch, "Eighteen hours and a ninety-minute train ride north."

He hissed in a breath, "Sorry."

"No, nothing bad." I was shaking my head. "She's new. It's new." I smiled, "It's good, just new."

"New is good." He cringed, "Too good to expose her to this horse shirt."

We continued talking until I finished my second drink. Sam walked with me over to his wife and my night had taken a definite good turn.

My head hated me in the morning. My stomach wasn't my biggest fan either. I downed a bottle of alkaline water and some Advil before heading to the gym. I grabbed a hangover smoothie on the way. By the time the workout was over I was feeling human. I took a degree of shit for being hungover and a little extra for my weekend plans. Specifically, my hangover would have a negative effect on my weekend. I called bullshit. They were just trying to get into my head.

For this weekend I packed better. I guess that means I packed better for tonight’s dinner. Tomorrow was a shorts and t-shirt sort of day. I wonder if her team has a uniform? Now I have to pack several different colors of shirts to make sure I'm not walking around in rival colors. Alternatively, I could ask.

Sebastian ~ What are your team's colors?

Emma ~ Blue and orange.

Sebastian ~ I can do blue.

Emma ~ Got something against orange?

Sebastian ~ Don't like orange.

Emma ~ Me either. How was last night?

Sebastian ~ Tequila!

There were pictures from the party on the companies Instagram. I took a screenshot and sent one to Emma.

Emma ~ Your face! Look at your face.

I'd shaved before dinner. I ran my hand over the stubble that had already grown back.

Sebastian ~ No beard for this ad.

Emma ~ Can’t wait to get my hands on your face.

Sebastian ~ I'm done for the day. Can you pick me up at 3:30? If not, I’ll go visit mom.

Emma ~ I can. I'll still be in work clothes.

Sebastian ~ Teacher is hot.

Emma ~ We'll see...

Since my meeting canceled and I’m not leaving for a few hours I decided to stretch out on the couch and read. That lasted about fifteen minutes. I'm distracted. Distracted by a woman. It’s been a long time since I've been distracted by a woman. A very long time to this degree. I keep replaying conversations. I can hear her voice, the words she uses, and her laughter. I can see her smile and the way she holds her body. Her beautiful body. Her strength and her confidence, the way she carries herself is sexy. There’s a compilation of clips running through my mind. Thoughts and memories distract me from my day and make me smile. All the damn time.

On the train, I started working on a playlist. More than one. A bigger one with songs that had me thinking of Emma. Fast, slow, sexy, whatever songs. I included things I wanted her to hear. I shoved everything into the big playlist. From there I narrowed it down for a smaller one. A soundtrack. Songs I want to dance, sing, make out, and have sex too. I moved things in and out several times. Making a playlist for us is much harder. I don't want songs that don't reflect what I’m feeling, what I want. That's tough because I'm changing every hour. I’m jumping in with both feet, then stepping back to ease in, then running forward again. Back and forth and up and down. Never going backward from where we are. The back and forth is more trying to find what's next. What's too far? And is it too far for me or am I concerned it’s too far for her?

Time went fast. My project was nowhere near done. Luckily, I had another train ride to work on it come Monday. Outside on the sidewalk was a long line of cars. The traffic was steady, even rushed, to get out of the lot. Just the pickup was delaying the process. It reminded me of a roller coaster where you get in and barely have time to buckle up before the ride is off. I could see a red CRV back almost a dozen vehicles. I walked toward until I was close enough to see Emma in the driver’s seat. She saw me and waved. I heard the door lock disengage as I reached for the handle.

First things first, a kiss. Slow enough to feel it and quick enough to not get the wrath of the other  
drivers. Emma reached for my hand, "I'm glad you’re here."

"Me too." I took a moment to check out teacher clothes and started laughing. "What the hell are you wearing?

Emma smiled, "It's Fantasy Friday."

"Pull the damn car over!" I point to the right. "Over there." She did as I asked and pulled across two spots. I moved my hand to shift the CRV into Park. "I need to check this out."

Emma wore a purple gauzy dress with a halter top, a skirt halfway to her knees, and long strands of cloth hanging in different lengths. She had a pair of black tights on under the dress. In her hair, she had a crown of flowers and behind her were white wings.

After checking out the whole costume I met her eyes with a smile, "Fantasy Friday."

"I'm a fairy."

"I can see that." She looked cute and silly. The thought of her teaching class dressed like a fairy made my heart beat faster. I don't have to see her teach to know she’s a good teacher. She's gone all-in. She looked confused by my facial expression. I shook it off, it didn't matter and she’d understood in a second. I reached under her hair, mindful of her wings, and cupped her neck. "Is there a curse or anything for kissing a fairy."

"Only if you do it badly."

"I'm safe then."

I leaned across the console to press my lips to hers. My intention was a relatively chaste but long kiss ending with a hint of tongue. Emma wanted a long, deep, wet, kiss. I was easily convinced. Very easily. I'm pretty sure the only reason we had a mini make-out session in a parking lot was that it was too light and too busy to have sex. We have some kind of incendiary chemistry going on.

I moved away from the kiss and buried my face against her neck. I laid a wet kiss where she liked best before moving my mouth to her ear and whispering. "I gotta tell you. You look very cute, but this isn't my fantasy."

Emma ran her hand down my arm, "You'll have to fill me in on your fantasy, so I can make that happen for you." She kissed me and held tight to my bicep.

The hours of distraction and attempts to pull together a playlist were paying off for me. I was already worked up and excited to see her. Actually being with her, her dressed to read to her students, and our flirting kisses had me on edge. I’m calculating the appropriate time between arrival and having sex. I had a basic idea of continued flirting through dinner, ramping up to sexual flirting before we got to dessert, then cutting loose when we got back home. But I'm telling you, I feel like Emma has other plans. Plans for me. I like being the subject of nefarious plans. I'm feeling kinda stalked. The good kind of stalked. Not the someone tracking my movements through my friends’ Instagram type of stalking. I won’t be going far enough for her to lose me, so she won’t have far to stalk. It's conceivable I could tie myself to her bed and wait for her to show up. Ok, maybe not right now, but it’s an option.

She told me about Fantasy Friday as she drove. "We have theme days through the months. Like Manic Monday where we incorporate movement and dance into our lessons. More than usual and have a dance party in the afternoon. Naughty or Nice Tuesdays where they earn cards to get them out of things or trade with peers. Camping Thursday is big popular. But Fantasy Fridays are the best. They all get into it and I have boxes of costumes so no one feels left out."

Emma’s attention to make sure no one would feel left out was one more thing on the list of things that make her an amazing teacher. "What happens on Fantasy Friday?"

“Today they had to present their character story. Where they're from, what skills they have, what their lives are like."

I could tell by the tone of her voice she had fun with her backstory. "Tell me yours."

Emma smiled at me, "I am the lost fairy of Central Park. There was a war with the bridge trolls and I was sent away for my safety. Soon an agreement will be reached and I will return to my home. I enjoy pollinating, singing to flowers, and providing mediation between arguing animals."

"Is this lesson recorded?" I was most interested in the pollinating.

"It is."

"Can I watch?"

"If I can watch something of yours."

I squeezed her hand. "Deal."

At her condo I followed her in, watching the fabric swish and admiring her ass. Like I said, worked up. Worked the fuck up.

Emma opened the door and walked in, holding the door. She smiled as I walked in and spoke, "Bine-ai revenit, Sebasti-an."

I stopped dead in my tracks. Emma had said, "Welcome back, Sebastian" in a not too bad Romanian. The accent was off, but her pronunciation of my name was beautiful. To me anyway.

My mouth hung open in surprise, a slight smile curving the sides. "Mulţumesc. (thank you) Did you learn words to be able to say my name?" Last weekend we’d discovered I prefer the Romanian pronunciation of my name, but it didn’t sound right in connection with English sentences.

Her smile answered, "Da." (Yes)

I walked to her, pressing her back to the wall, with my hands on either side of her shoulders. I was affected more than I would have expected. "How much do you know?"

She grimaced, "Not a lot. Pronunciation is hard."

"I know someone who can teach you."

"Gotta be phrases so I can say your name."

“Sărută-mă. Repeat." My eyes stayed on hers.

"What am I saying?"

"Try it and see." This was fun. And hot, really fucking hot.

"Sărută-mă, Sebasti-an." She may not know what she’s saying, but her tone was perfect. Fucking hell. I can't believe her.

"Fericit, iubito." I dipped down and sucked her bottom lip between mine. Emma licked along my lips urging me to open to her. It didn’t take much urging.

Emma kissed my collar bone, "What did you have me say."

"Kiss me." I went for her neck, "And I said “Happily, baby".”

I continued kissing her neck, loving the way she sighed and the feel of her hands on me. I stepped closer to press the length of my body against hers. My cock was hard and the pressure against her stomach felt amazing. I pulled my head back to breathe, looking up and closing my eyes. I felt her hands cup my face and tilt my face back to hers.

"Do you want me like I want you? Right now." She licked her lips.

I groaned before I spoke, "I really fucking do."

We crashed together. Emma rubbed against my cock and I kissed her like it had been forever. I dug underneath the fairy fabric and hooked my thumbs in her tights, taking those and her panties down to the floor. I reached for my bag and found a condom. I held the corner between my teeth as I stood. I needed my hands to run up her legs and one to slide into her. The way she curled her hips against my hand made me smile around the condom.

Emma plucked the condom from between my teeth and tucked it into her bra, "Give me that." She was kissing me before the words died in the air. Her hands went for my jeans. A slow stroke of my cock preceded the sweet sound of my zipper. Her hand wrapped around me as soon as she had my  
jeans over my ass.

I pushed my jeans down farther and nuzzled between her breasts. I grabbed the condom with my teeth and mumbled, "I need this back." I worked quickly, covering myself and bending my knees to push up into her.

Emma cried out and I moaned loudly. I put my hands on her ass to lift her, using the wall to help support her. She wrapped her legs and arms around me, holding on while I thrust into her. There was nothing but the sounds of sex. No words, just sound. God, it felt good. All lust and need. I wanted the sex. I wanted the contact. I wanted the closeness. She fucking learned Romanian to use my name. That’s the thought that sent me over the edge. I buried myself deep and came hard.

Emma's fingers ran through my hair as her legs went back to the ground. My face was buried against her neck, "I think I smashed your wings."

She laughed, "They detach. Snaps."

"Oh, good." I pulled us away from the wall, feeling around for the snaps as she hugged me, her hands  
caressing my back. I undid the snaps and dropped the wings on my bag. "Come with me."

I took her hand, leading her to the couch. I led her to sit across my lap, her fingers ran over my chin.  
"I don't know if I like the gray patch or dimple more."

I didn’t care as long as she kept touching me, "I don't always have control of any hair on my  
body."

She kissed me lightly, "I saw I,Tonya."

I cringed, "Bad look all around."

"Everything grows back or can be shaved off."

I trailed my finger along her shins, over her knees, then back to her feet, "I lost a section of pubic hair for the Bronze." Her eyes widened with amusement. "Character had a tattoo. An Olympic medal."

Emma laughed, "Narcissist."

I said the line, "I am the fucking god of gymnastics."

"We should watch that later tonight."

"No, we shouldn't." I kissed her before she could voice any other shitty ideas. I moved my caress under her legs and when I got to the back of her knees her legs fell open, which was what I was going for. I kissed over to her ear, "That's what I wanted."

I slid two fingers inside her, rubbing the wall of her vagina to find her g-spot. I massaged internally and barely used my thumb on her clit just enough to get amp things up.

Emma took a shuddering breath, "Talk to me."

I kept up the stimulation and moved my mouth close to her ear. The words came out in long sentences. Long Romanian sentences. When her nails started to dig into my arm I moved back where I could see her face. "You gonna come for me, baby?"

"I am."

I used more pressure inside and out.

Emma gasped and arched her back, "Oh fuck, Bastian. Your fingers...”


	35. Chapter 35

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian's hands are incredible. The way he touched my body set me on fire. His thumb on my clit was secondary to his fingers. He stroked the perfect spot inside me. I'd never had someone touch me so intentionally. Had he asked, I couldn't have told him what I needed. I had no idea. Sebastian did. I remembered what he'd said our first night, the sex would get better as he learned how to touch me. He was learning now, paying attention to my reaction and changing accordingly. I didn't understand a word he was saying and it wasn't solely because he was speaking Romanian. He spoke in long sentences next to my ear where I could feel his breath.

I felt the pressure start to build and dug my nails into his bicep.

Sebastian's face came into view and the Romanian stopped, "You gonna come for me, baby."

That I didn't instantly was a miracle. "I am." His touch became firmer. "Oh fuck, Bastian. Your fingers. .." My words were cut off by my orgasm. The last thing I saw before I went blind, I mean closed my eyes, was his smile.

Sebastian kissed my neck and moved his fingers from inside me to my clit. "Wanna come again?"

Thirty seconds later I did. My body shook and I grabbed his wrist, too sensitive for more touch. I fisted the hair on the back of his head and pulled him away, where I could see him. His blue eyes were sparkling and the line of his lips was edging close to a smirk, "Yes?"

I loosened my hold on his hair, "You have very talented fingers."

"I couldn't leave you hanging." He pushed his head back against my hand. "I like the hair pulling."

"I think I was going to kiss you." I squeezed my eyes together for a moment, "My brain's a little scrambled."

Sebastian brought his mouth to mine, his tongue gently caressing mine. The intensity was high. Not an excited ramping up, more of a not wanting to let go holding on. Still, over time we did. He held me tight and I relaxed with my head on his shoulder. I didn't really know where to go after literally being fucked into a wall. I heard myself sign contentedly.

Sebastian laughed, "Yeah, I agree."

I stretched out across his lap, leaning back on the arm of the couch and wiggling my toes. A question popped in my mind, "What were you saying?"

"You're beautiful. You make me feel good. I’m glad I got here early to spend more time with you." He kissed me softly, "And a bunch of dirty stuff that would sound bad right now, but I'II happily repeat later."

"That sounds fun!" I ran my fingers over his cheek and down his chest. "We got the tournament bracket last night."

"Did you?" He rubbed his hand on my hip. "What seed are you? Is there a team name?"

"There is a team name. We are the Demonic Crickets." I couldn’t help but laugh.

"I feel a story coming."

"It's from Schitt's Creek." His lack of expression said he hadn't seen it. I reached behind me, patting the table to find the remote. I quickly had Season 1 Episode 7 "Turkey Shoot” pulled up on Plex. "It’s the opening." I let it play, pleased with his expression and light laughter. I paused at the credits. "I wanted milky exoskeleton, but Pete thought it sounded dirty and would be hard to pronounce drunk."

"He might have a point with the second part. Doesn't sound dirty, unless maybe your drunk and it comes out milky secretions."

I laughed, "Pete said those exact words. You two are going to get along." I remembered the first part of his question, "We're the three seed. First round is at noon. Have to be there at eleven."

"Three is good. Not the pressure of the one spot, or the angry runner up number two, or too far down to be taken seriously. Three is perfect to sneak in and take over."

I wasn't sure if he knew anything about seeding or was being supportive. "I like being a three. We play the five seed and that should be a good match, we'll get the nerves out and can make adjustments if our plan isn't working. One plays eight and two plays seven. Those mess with your head more. If you struggle you question how you'll do with a higher seed, but if you win easy you can get overconfident. Plus, if you breeze through you don't figure out what adjustments you need."

"This is going to be fun."

"I hope you’ll have fun. I'll have a blast." I picked up the remote to turn the TV off.

"No, let's watch. I've never seen Schitt's Creek. We'll find something I love that you haven't seen and trade off."

"I'll go back to episode one, so you know what’s going on." I moved around to sit a little more facing the TV with my legs still over his lap. I wanted to be able to watch the show and his face. And I just wanted to look at him.

Several episodes, tons of laughter, and making out during the credits later I heard a strange gurgling sound. I put my hand on Sebastian's stomach, "Hungry, baby?"

"Sounds like I am." He put his hand over mine, assuring I didn’t move. "I made us a reservation at  
the place we went last week. I hope that's alright."

"Same place?" There were several good places around town, but he wouldn't know them.

"Good food." He smiled, "Last week I wanted to take a walk by the river, but the storm ruined it."

I mumbled, "Among other things."

We both laughed. "Good memories too."

He picked my hand up off his stomach and brought it to his mouth. "Very. Reservation at seven."

I hit the info button on the remote. It was almost six thirty. "I need to change."

"The fairy costume has grown on me." He fluffed my skirt.

"My wings are smashed. Besides us out to dinner with me in a fairy costume is a guaranteed picture on Instagram that I don’t want to explain."

Sebastian pulled me into a hug. "I should change too."

"At least zip your jeans." I flipped the fabric before I stood up. He still had my hand and I waited for him to stand. I was amused by how dressed we were. His pants were open and mine were by the door. It had been a very targeted activity.

The look on Sebastian's face told me he was thinking something similar. He nodded to the door, "I'll grab my bag and your pants."

"Thank you." We separated at the stairs and I ran up. What to wear. What to wear. I ducked into the bath room to freshen up and came out in my bathrobe. Sebastian was in his boxers and a t-shirt. My mouth watered.

Sebastian was pulling things out of his bag, laying them on the bed. He paused to look me up and down. "Next weekend I'd like to take you out someplace nice."

I clasped my hands between my breasts, raising my shoulders with excitement, "Dress up in girl clothes nice?"

His eyebrows raised with the nod of his head and smile, "Exactly."

I sighed dramatically, "I miss dressing up and going out to dinner." I closed my eyes, "Live music, plays, art openings."

"Then next weekend you’re in luck." He picked up his shaving kit, heading toward the bathroom. He stopped to kiss me, "I know places to go in NY, unlike here.”

"There's some fine dining places here. Haven't dated much here, but I can research. Won't have the same energy as the city."

He closed the bathroom door, "I’m happy and sad you don't know good date spots."

I walked into my closet to find something to make my date's pants tight. Casual, cute, and a touch of sexy. I was pulling on my white mini skirt with an eyelet bottom when Sebastian came to the closet door. He was dressed in a pair of khaki shorts, a black polo, and a pair of loafers. "You look handsome." I was still adjusting to his shorn beard, with how young he looked. There was a hook on the door for my robe and I slid it off, handing it to Sebastian. He missed the hook because he wasn't looking in the right direction. He was looking at me in a bra and miniskirt. I could see him swallow hard, "This closer to your fantasy?"

"Closer, but not quite."

I took my blue chambray shirt of the hanger and dropped it over my head. It had a loose contoured cut and gathered in a knot at my hip. I added a few long necklaces and matching earrings before picking up my wedge sandals. Sebastian was blocking the door, his body filling the space. I put my hands on his waist and smoothed around to his back. Our hips connected, but there was space between our upper bodies. He kissed my head, "We look like casual summer lovers out for a night.

"Pretty accurate."

"Causal looking, not casual lovers."

The look on his face stopped my heart. I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss that took on a life of its own, morphing in to a lazy long kiss. I broke the kiss and buried my nose against him, "You smell fucking delicious." I drew in a deep breath and let out a sigh.

"Didn’t bring cologne to move my parents."

"We had many things working against up last weekend.”

"And yet here we are."

'Yes, we are." I sat down on the bed to put on my shoes. "Adversity becomes us."

Sebastian knelt on the floor in front of me, sliding my shoe on my foot, “This is the least difficult thing ever.” He took my hands as he stood up and brought me into his arms.

We stood holding onto each other for a long time. Last weekend was touching on Friday, sharing secrets on Saturday, hugging on Sunday, and sex on Monday. Seemed tonight’s theme was romance. I closed my eyes and clung to him, feeling the hard plane of his chest against my cheek and the slight twitch of a muscle in his back. I’d ask him last week if it was crazy to think you were falling for someone after three days. Thankfully he’d said no, because I didn’t think I was falling for him now, I knew I was. I wasn’t in love with him, but it wouldn’t take long, which is different for me. I don’t get emotionally involved with people easily, except those rare times like with Angie. It takes a while for me to trust and attach. Standing here wrapped in his arms I didn’t want to let go. Part of not wanting to let go was as sure as I was that I could fall in love with him, I knew the same was true for him, and right this second it felt so good.

Sebastian kissed my head and ran his hand down my arm to take my hand before stepping away, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” I nodded slightly and hoped my legs were going to work. I grabbed my purse on the way out the door, “Do you want to drive?”

“Yes, please.”

I got a thrill at having this man driving my vehicle. Absolutely ridiculous. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was fifteen going my first date. It wasn’t even our first date. “Code is 0418.” He punched the code into the driver’s side door, hit the unlock button, and walked me to the other side of the car, giving me a kiss before closing the door.

He got in and adjusted the seat and mirrors before starting the engine, “I like driving.”

“I like being driven.” I waited until he buckled his seat belt before laying my hand on his leg. I couldn’t help but touch him and his smile made my stomach flip. “Remember how to get there?”

“Yeah.” He nodded and glanced over, “I drove. If I don’t drive, I don’t remember how to get anywhere. How far away is the tournament?”

“Umm, five minutes. It’s over by the Whole Foods. We should take an Uber.”

“Planning on getting me too drunk to drive?”

“And they set up checkpoints.”

The restaurant was quite a bit busier than last week. We were parked further away, but closer to the river walk. “Don’t move.”

He jumped out of the car and came around to my side, opening the door, and taking my hand. I needed to say something about this. I waited for him to close the door. “Wait a second.”

“What’s up?” He faced me and looked expectantly.

“You driving and opening doors, the chivalrous stuff. I appreciate it. I like how you treat me. You’re a gentleman.”

Sebastian smiled sheepishly, “I just fucked you into a wall.”

I gasped, “Oh my god.” I could feel my cheeks burning.

His expression dropped, “You’re blushing.” He pulled me close, holding my head to him. “Emma, I’m sorry.”

I started laughing, pushed him away and put my hand on his chest. “Just take the compliment, Seb.”

He laughed and wrapped his hand around mine, “Thank you.”


	36. Chapter 36

~*~Sebastian~*~

I can’t believe I popped off like that and embarrassed the hell out of Emma. Her laughing it off was good, but I still felt bad. After I said thank you, I took her hand from my chest and kissed it before dropping our hands between us and heading toward the restaurant.

The manager was waiting at the hostess stand when we arrived. He led us to our table and said our server would be right with us. We were at the same table, by my request, only I couldn't bear to sit across from her tonight. I took the chair with my back to everyone, diagonal to her, where I could touch her.

My leg rested against hers while we flipped through the menus. A minute later our server showed up, "Hey, you're back."

I'd requested her too. "I promise we won't stay until close tonight."

She swiped her hand down, "Don't worry about it. What can I get you guys to drink?"

Emma pulled her lips to the side, "I'd like a margarita on the rocks with salt."

"Do you have a preferred Tequila?"

"Patron Silver."

I looked from Emma to our server, "That sounds good."

"I'll be right back."

Emma smiled, "Thank you, Cindy."

I was struck, again, by her kindness to everyone. Especially me. I took her hand to bring her attention to me, "I like opening doors." I also like to say awkward shit when I'm trying to explain myself to this woman. She makes me stumble over words like an idiot. Let's try again. “Your compliment caught me off guard. I went for self-depreciation. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"I have no idea why I got embarrassed."

I noticed her cheeks turning red again, "You're blushing again."

"I can feel it." She used the hand I wasn't holding to feel her cheeks.

Whatever was going on was cute as hell. She certainly wasn't embarrassed while I was fucking her into the wall. I digress. I need to finish my explanation. "I like to open doors, carry things, and take your hand because I want to make sure you know I think you're special, because you are. Special to me."

"I want to kiss you."

The look on her face and softness of her voice did things to me. My stomach felt funny and I wanted to press in the middle of my chest. "You can kiss me." I leaned closer and waited for the touch of her lips. It was too short. "You can always kiss me."

"Ok, two patron margaritas on the rocks with salt."

Boy, was this feeling familiar. I looked at Cindy, trying not to laugh. "Thanks, Cindy."

"No problem. Do you know what you want? Ready to order?"

"I do know what I want." I looked at Emma. "Do you know what you want, sweetheart?"

She wasn't blushing now. "I do." She took her eyes from mine, "I'd like the seafood pasta."

"I’ll take the salmon." I handed our menus to Cindy. She walked away and we started laughing. I think this is going to be an interesting night.

Emma's eyes went wide, "Oh! It turns out we have friends in common."

"We do?"

"I called Angie to do the girl thing where we dish about the new guy. After I'd told her about you, I sent her the bear picture."

I snorted a laugh, "I like the fish one. Our relationship is defined by you kissing a fish in a bag before me."

She threw out, "We're making up the time” then went on with the story. "Ang remembered Eli had met you and went to find him.” She did this thing with her hands like she jumping from point to point. “Eli is in band with Boone. Boone is now married to Kirk. You know Kirk from Gossip Girl and were at the bachelor party with Eli. He remembers you from other parties too, but that was the connection.” Emma put her hand on her chest, “I was at the wedding."

  
"Well, that was a bad decision on my part." Fuck me. Wait, I think I had a date for the wedding before I had to cancel.

"No, you weren’t supposed to meet me then."

I scratched my head, "I was filming. I saw pictures. Beautiful wedding." I made grabby hands for her phone, "Pictures of Eli."

"You‘ll recognize Eli. He has the best hair." She dug her phone out of her purse and clicked through a couple of screens before handing it to me. “Look around.”

  
I flipped through the pictures trying to find one that sparked a memory. Maybe a dozen in there was a video of Boone and Eli's band. I turned on the sound. That did it. "Oh yeah, I remember him. Good musician. I think I got stoned with them."

Emma snickered, "That sounds typical.”

"Did you get anything interesting on me?" I was curious.

She shook her head vehemently, "We laughed about him being a character reference, but no. He said you’d been to gigs and a couple of parties, but we probably wouldn’t have noticed because no one really paid any attention to you. You were just another guy hanging out with friends. Said you were funny drunk with your friends.”

I nodded, "That is me in a nutshell." I was making a mental list of my traitorous friends who might know her. “The drunk with friends part can be pretty loud and borderline obnoxious.” Only really good friends.

“Aren’t we all.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes, “Angie and I put on quite the show. Eli either stands back pretending not to know us or tries to reign us in. We dance and sing then get to the you’re my best friend and I love you stage. We can have complete conversations saying single words. Eli can usually figure out what’s going on.”

“Best kind of friends. I like when one of us will text the other to come rescue or comment on something.” I remembered the other night, “Could have used that the other night.” She cocked her head to the side. “That dinner and cocktail party. So many conversations I wanted out of. Ended up hanging out with the husband of one of the execs.”

“Everything go ok otherwise?”

I nodded, “Yeah, everything’s good.” I hadn’t had a chance to tell her about it yet. “It’s a Japanese watch ad.” 

Emma ran a finger over my wrist next to the band of my watch. That shouldn’t have felt as good as it did. “You going to get a new watch out of this?”

“Oh yeah, already got my eye on one.” Two actually. “Dinner was with company executives, then the party was spouses and lower executives. We went to this amazing sushi place. So good.”

We talked and laughed through dinner, switching off telling stories. It was easy conversation. We were recognizing names and asking questions to put things together. I was excited for the next part where we got to know each other’s friends. I had an idea, but I’d wait until later to talk to her. Of course, there were a few of my friends who already knew her. Kirk and I were going to be having a talk. I didn’t give a shit about information on her. I want to know why he never set us up? He throws other women in front of me, why not her? My friends are, well, they're my friends for a reason. There's a group of college friends I get together with every so often. They're fun and remind me of where I came from. Gym friends, who make that time fun. Work friends are other actors or people in the business. Then there's the guys. A group I’ve known for years and I count as my best friends. I take vacations with them and they travel with me sometimes. This is the core I count on to call me on my shit and keep me grounded. They're the most important and who I talked about most tonight.

I paid the check and we headed out. The sun was close to setting and the sky was already turning the colors she loved. Perfect for a romantic walk by the river. "Wanna take a walk?

"Love too."

We veered out of the parking lot right past the CRV. I'd been holding her hand, but once we were close to the river, I put my arm around her shoulder so she wouldn't get cold. Not really. I just wanted her close. I'd told her I'd be happy being quiet with her and I was. There was noise all around and we walked in comfortable silence. I liked how she fit against me under my arm. The way her hand felt on my waist. How when the breeze blew I could catch the faint scent of her perfume. Her hair was silky over my arm. A lot of times she feels like sensory overload. Right now, she feels calming. Very calming, which doesn't make a lot sense to me given the amount of contact.

Once the people thinned out, I led her to an empty bench. I kept my around her and Emma laid her hand on my leg, her head on my shoulder, and I pressed my lips to her hair before laying my cheek there. I reached for her hand and twined our fingers. The sun was sinking fast. I’ve always been underwhelmed by sunsets. Sure they’re pretty, but I was looking for excitement and was disappointed. Now, I get it. There’s not an explosion or some big event marking the end of the day. It’s simply the outcome of a complex situation. Interaction of light, cloud, humidity, and temperature. They don’t plan or rehearse, they just come together to see what they make. I had a very new and satisfying view of sunsets now. Something tangible she’s taught me. I broke the silence with a kiss on her forehead and decided to tell her. "I have a deeper understanding of sunsets now. You taught me. Sunset isn’t the end. The fifteen twenty minutes after are just as beautiful."

"Does that make sense with anything else?"

The teacher in her was coming out and I nodded, "Anything really. We came out for dinner, but the walk after has been as just as good. And there’s a lot to be said for after sex where you’re basically internalizing the physical and emotional parts."

Emma smiled, "A lot of life happens after the high."

Her words hit me in the chest. I leaned forward to look at her, "Keep talking."

"I think people miss a lot of really good stuff because they're focused on some big payoff. And people-miss the good that comes from something bad."

I squinted my eyes, "You're an optimist."

"No, no." She shook her head with a frown. "I’m very good at finding a silver lining and over time I’ve learned to trust in that. I really do believe I'II be alright no matter what happens."

"You're strong." I never wanted to leave this bench, this conversation.

"And you’re not?" Her tone gave away her disbelief.

I smiled, "I am. I'm not in a good business for weakness. I used to send out these homemade audition tapes. A friend would shoot them and I’d send them to anyone, just to keep me showing up on their desk. Must have sent out hundreds. Lots of no responses and rejection. I kept pushing forward. I try to be true to me, to do what's right for me. Sometimes that means making a shitty choice for a long-term gain. There's strength there. It takes strength in maneuvering through all the bullshit. My overthinking and bouts with lack of confidence make me human. One of the many things I love about acting is slipping into a character. I’ve studied, and researched, and built the character, but once I step into him it's not about me anymore. It's about doing justice to the script, the director, the other actors, the project. When it all comes together it’s the greatest feeling. I'm good at that."

And here we were again in the middle of some intense conversation that started from nothing. From her smile she either had the same experience or she was connecting with me. Assume the first, hope for the second.

"I think that's when I’m the best teacher and enjoy it the most. When I get lost in what I'm doing. Because teaching first grade is a lot of embarrassing moments strung together. Forget the singing and dancing in class. I was at a gas station at seven am in a fairy costume." The roll of her eyes emphasized how ridiculous she thought the situation.

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Both our jobs are a little ridiculous."

"I think you win." We both snickered. “I read or saw something about Evans and Hemsworth between takes cracking up because they were two men dressed up as superheroes. Just looking at each other and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I love blooper and gag reels for those moments."

"It's a lot of fun." I was still playing with the strand of hair I’d tucked behind her ear. "Do you usually straighten out your waves?" The question stung. I hadn’t known her long enough to know the answer.

"I shower when I get home from the gym. It's a mess in the morning and easier to do this than fix the mess. The shorter it is the curlier it is. I like the waves, but I like how soft it is like this. I like running my fingers through."

"Yeah? Me too."

I didn't even try to resist the urge to kiss her. I wouldn't have succeeded anyway. I caught her smile as I got closer and smiled too. I tangled my fingers in her hair with the first brush of lips. I was neither surprised by nor displeased with the touch of her tongue against my lips. I let her control and deepen the kiss, letting her take what she wanted. When she moved away, I drug my hand from her hair to her cheek, my thumb caressing her soft skin. I stayed close and kissed her softly before settling back with her tucked against me again.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I wasn't thinking of anything. I was staying completely in the moment. There was so much soak in. A gentle tug of her fingers brought my attention to her, "You ready to go?"

I nodded and stood up. A few feet onto the path she bumped my hip with hers, "Race ya'."

I was all in, but looked at her feet, "You're not wearing the shoes for this."

She didn't break eye contact as she took off her shoes, letting them dangle from her fingers. "Ready?" she squatted down. "Set." She took off and yelled over her shoulder, "Go!"

"You cheat!" I took off after her laughing.

Shit, she's fast. Not so fast I can't catch her, but she's fast. I waited until we were about halfway back to the CRV before I crept up on her, "I'm coming for you.” She put on a little more speed, but I went past her. I yelled, "You cheat!" again when she grabbed onto my shirt. I started laughing so hard it slowed me down and Emma went past me. I got close enough to wrap my arm around her waist and haul her back against my hip, "Gotcha."

Emma kicked her feet, trying to get away, "Who's cheating now?"

I brought her in front of me, wrapping both arms around her middle, and lifting her off her  
feet, "Never said I didn't cheat." She waved her arms and legs in front of us. I laughed and held her tighter. "Stop or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you."

A very indignant voice said, "You will not."

I put her down, took her by the shoulders to turn her around, and looked at her with a quirked eyebrow.

Emma put her hands on her hips defiantly. So intimidating. Covering her hands with mine I beat over and stood back up with her folded over my shoulder. Her hands went to my hips and I could tell she was holding herself up. "Sebastian."

I started walking, "Emiliana"

"People can see."

"No, they can't. It's dark." I glanced to the side. Not sure if they can see, but a few are looking. I kept walking.

"I’m going to grab your ass."

"I'll spank you."

"Tease." She dropped down, relaxing against my back.

"You started it." I punched in the code and walked to the other side, putting her down the same way I'd picked her up.

Emma's hands went to the back of my neck, stopping me from completely standing up. She gave me a smacking kiss tinged with a laugh, "You're fun." Her arms tightened around my neck in a hug.

I learned from her previous next-to-the-car compliment and just said, "Thank you" and hugged her close.

Inside Emma's place she let go of my hand and pointed toward the ground. "I'm going to go wash my feet." She held one up and it was filthy.

"I'll be right up." I gave her a quick kiss and headed to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. I could hear the water running in the tub when I got upstairs. I busied myself shoving clothes back in my bag, plugging in my phone charger, and turning down the bed.

Emma came out of the bathroom and walked to her side of the bed. We stood there looking at each other. I reached over my head to grab my shirt and pull it over my head. Emma's eyes ran over my chest before she lifted her shirt. I returned the favor and checked her out while undoing the button and zipper on pants. I dropped them to floor, leaving me in only my boxer briefs.

Emma swallowed hard and pointed in the direction of my hips, "Nice thighs."

"Thanks." Her skirt fell to the ground leaving her in matching pink, what looked to be silk or satin, bra and panties. "Ooof." I pointed all over, "Nice... everything."

"Thanks."

I reached for my briefs at the same time she went for her bra. I crawled into bed while she removed her last bit of clothing. I stretched out, waiting for her. She scooted up right next to me and I ran my hand from her naked hip to side of her breast, my eyes taking in all of her. "You're fucking amazing."

My statement wasn’t aggressive. I was in quiet awe and I barely recognized my own voice. I meant more than her body. Everything about her. The more I learn the more I want her.

Before she could respond my mouth was on hers, covering her lips with soft kisses. She moaned with the first touch of my tongue and pulled me closer. The feel of her hands on my back, her nails tickling my skin, had me craving more. I scooted down her body, teasing her nipple with my tongue. Hard to know if it was my hands or mouth she liked more. She arched her back into the contact and drug her fingers over my scalp.

"You made me feel so good." Her body shuddered with the tugging of my teeth. "How do I ask for more in Romanian?"

I kissed lower on her belly, "Mai mult." I braced for what she was about to do to me.

"Mai mult, Sebasti-an."

Lightning bolt straight down my spine that branched out to my chest and cock. "Orice vrei, iubito." I placed a wet kiss on her hip before translating what I'd said. "Anything you want, baby." I wiggled into the space between her legs that she'd made for me. Tonight's discovery was that a sucking kiss on her inner thigh, mere inches from goal made her squirm and gasp. I spent a good bit of time testing how far up and away from her cut line the reaction went. The length was sensual and got me jerks and shivers, but it was inner thigh even with her vagina, barely a finger width away from the cut line that really worked. It was the perfect place where I could kiss and touch at the same time. I wanted to leave a mark there, mark her as mine. I wouldn't without her permission, put I wanted to. Very cave man of me, but tonight wasn't cave man. I lifted her leg over my shoulder, sliding my hand under her. I squeezed her ass, pulling her up while my other hand made soft strokes down her inner thigh to ease it to the side. I liked working to get her legs apart. I used soft touches and firm strokes. I wasn't going to grope her like a teenager in heat, unless we were playing that game.

She liked the foreplay and stimulation. I was happy to give. I liked watching her respond to me. I get off on it too. It’s not always this way, but Emma's pleasure is a primary goal for me. I want to be a good lover so she'll crave me the way I do her. I know she does by the way she comes done under my touch.

Tonight, was for slow. I went down on her, leaving wet kisses on pink skin and using my fingers to pulse inside her. Every so often I replaced my fingers with my tongue and got a deep taste of her. It took a few minutes to get her clit into the game. It needed some coaxing to come out of hiding, but then Emma liked firm contact there. I alternated between open mouthed teasing licks and gentle sucking and vibrating. Sometimes a mix of all three. I slid my thumb inside her, her slickness easing the way. I rubbed along her as I licked her, my thumb repeatedly entering her and my middle finger skating over her other entrance. After one or two passes I looked up to her, "Tell me to stop."

Her response, "Mai mult, Sebasti-an."

More.

I kept up the movement until I could tell she was getting close. No surprises. I ran my finger over her a few times before gentle pushing inside her. Emma slammed her hands on the bed, her head canting back, and she absolutely screamed my name. Not said, not yelled... screamed. She arched off the bed then collapsed. I could see her thighs shaking.

I felt like a god.

Giving her time to come down, I slowly kissed my way up her body. I wanted her with me for the next part, not comatose. By the time I got to her neck her arms were around me with her hands on my ass.

Emma hooked her leg around my calf, “Condoms. Nightstand.”

I looked beside the bed, there were two. “Which one?”

“Both.” She stretched up to kiss me.

I pressed my body against hers, trapping my cock between us, and reaching for the nearest nightstand. When I went to my knees, she followed me. Her hands caressed my stomach and side while she kissed my chest. I worked around her to roll on the condom. I leaned forward and eased her back on the bed. Before her head hit the pillow, I was pushing inside her. She felt so warm and good wrapped around me. I stopped when I was deep in her to savor the feeling.

A smile crept slowly over Emma’s face and she put her hands on my face, stroking down to my shoulders. I returned the smile and started moving. Her hips met mine stroke for long slow stroke. I dropped my head to her shoulder, “I want this to last.” 

I don’t think I was talking just about the sex.

And last it did. We went from a slow steady missionary to a crazy sexy her on top. The way she moved, danced, with me inside her was something I wanted to memorize. I loved watching her stomach tighten with each stroke and way she went from smiling to biting her lip to her breath catching. Her fingers rested on my stomach and moved with her rhythm. I kept my hands on her thighs and watched for as long as I could. When I knew I couldn’t take much more I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me. My hands were splayed high and low on her back to make sure she stayed close. She moved her legs where her feet were on the bed by my hips. Her legs squeezed my sides as tight as her arm around my shoulders held me, her other arm draped over my shoulder and her hand was in my hair. Movement was small and slow as we kissed. It was all I needed. I could feel her wrapped all around me. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and held her down on me, fighting for breath as the orgasm took me.

I fell back on the bed taking her with me. Emma kissed my neck making me shiver. “Good god.”

She huffed out a breath, “Umm, yeah.”

We stayed wrapped around each other until I started to go soft and slip out of her. She pushed onto hands and knees, climbing out of the bed. “Condom.”

I pulled it off and handed it off to her. I rolled to my side to watch her walk to the bathroom. I fussed with the bed and lifted the covers when she came back. A few seconds later we were cuddled up on our sides, arms and legs tangled together. We kissed lazily, enjoying the “fifteen minutes” after the high. Exactly like I’d said earlier, there was something good about letting the physical and emotional sink in.

This was heavy on the emotional. I can’t tell you why it was different, or even really how, but it was. At the end when I could feel her wrapped all around me, it wasn’t just physical. I could FEEL her wrapped all around me. Yet, another part of this day I didn’t want to leave behind. I know it’s been a fucking week and I know it’s new and exciting. I know, I know, I know. But it’s good and I like it. We talked about it being crazy to think we were falling for each other so fast. It is crazy! A really good kind of crazy. And what am I supposed to do pretend I don’t know or push away the feelings? That seems really, really stupid. I’d be missing some incredible stuff. Really stupid. So, there’s the choice. I either just enjoy this and feel all of what I know is happening and let it do its thing, or I don’t. Guess which I’m picking?

I stopped the endless kissing that had been going on and ran my fingers over her cheek, “Just so you know. The matching bra and panties was getting closer to my Fantasy Friday.”

Her smile would have busted through any lies I was trying to tell myself. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me.”

I gave her a side eye like I was considering not. “I have a thing for strings.”

“Strings?”

I pursed my lips and nodded, “Like corsets. Garters. Things I can play with and have to figure how to get you out of.”

She made a noncommittal, “Hmph”.

“You into fantasy fulfillment?”

“I’m into whatever’s going to make you smile.”

I felt that all the ways to my toes. “Emma . . .” I sighed and shook my head, smiling. “You make me smile.”


	37. Chapter 37

~*~Emma~*~

Things are running very hot here. I don't mean the sex. Although, the sex is hot. This man. Oh fuck, I don't even know what to think. Thinking isn't the issue anyway. Unless it's that I'm not. Which I don't think is true. It's just that he feels so damn good.

I woke up before my alarm. Sebastian was on his stomach with one arm tucked under the pillow. I noticed a couple of freckles on his back and smiled. He looked completely relaxed and I decided to let him sleep a little longer. I slipped out of bed, tied my robe, and headed downstairs to make breakfast.

A man-sized version of a rumbled little boy walked into the kitchen about thirty minutes later. He  
wore only his boxers and that he felt comfortable enough in my house to walk around half-naked made me smile.

"I woke up alone." He came up behind me at the stove, pulling my hair to the side and kissing the back  
of my neck. 

Such a simple yet intimate act. I put my hand on his face, "You looked so peaceful. I thought I'd get coffee and breakfast going."

He looked at the crumbled meat in the pan, "Is that going to be sausage gravy?"

"It is." I could feel him smile against my neck. "Biscuits are in the oven."

"You're so good to me." His arm snaked around my waist, holding me close.

I stroked the back of his head, "I like taking care of people I care for." I turned my head for a kiss. "Why don't you get some coffee and sit down. Breakfast will be another ten minutes."

He kissed my neck again, "I’m starving." 

Sebastian kept talking while he fixed his coffee, telling me about the food on set and how shitty the biscuits were compared to the restaurant they’d gone to one morning. This led to a general conversation about craft services on set, location, and at concert venues. While it was on a much lesser scale it made for good conversation that I had some knowledge of this stuff. I could share stories and we could laugh together. I think I might feel like a fan if I didn’t have a point of reference and I would imagine that could be uncomfortable for him. 

He hadn’t sat down, preferring to lean in the corner a few feet from where I was stirring. I took my hand from the handle of the pan and motioned for him, “Come here.”

Sebastian smiled and took the three steps to me, “Yes?”

I slid my hand from his side around to his back and urged him closer, turning my face up for a kiss. “Will you pour this in the bowl for me, please?”

“Of course.”   
While he did that, I checked the biscuits and pulled them out. He put the pan back on the stove and looked at the biscuits, taking a deep breath. “Smells delicious.”

“I hope you like it.” I was a little nervous cooking for him.

He hugged me, putting his hand inside my robe to touch skin, “I’m sure I will.” 

The first bite had him letting out a satisfied groan, “Oh wow.” He took another bite and covered his mouth with his hand, “Seriously, Em, it’s delicious.”

“Thank you.”

Sebastian finished chewing, put his hand on the back of my neck, and kissed me, “Thank you.” When we were finished, he pushed our plates to the other side of the breakfast bar, “You go shower and I’ll clean up.”

“You sure.”

He nodded, “Yep, you cooked. I’ll clean up.”

“Your mom taught you well.” I kissed his bare shoulder and went upstairs.

I called the Uber to pick us up at ten-thirty. We were downstairs and ready about ten minutes before. Sebastian looked all boy in black basketball shorts, a blue Under Armor shirt, and a baseball cap. I had on an oversized t-shirt over my team tank top and sweat pants with my hair pulled up in a ponytail. The combined excitement of him and the tournament had me keyed up. Bouncy. Hyperactive even. Unable to sit down, I wandered around while Sebastian sat in the chair scrolling through something on his phone. “You ok there, babe?”

I was hoping he hadn’t noticed. I jumped up and down a few times, “Nervous energy.”

He still hadn’t looked up and shook his head, “We should have had sex in the shower.” Now, he looked up with a grin. “Calmed you down.”

I laughed and walked over, sitting down on his lap when moved his phone out of the way. “Dammit.”

“Nervous or excited?” He laid his arm over my legs, taking my hand in his.

“Both.” I fiddled with his fingers. “It’ll go away once the game starts.” I looked up, “Unless it’s all about you.”

He jerked his head back, “Why are you nervous about me?”

“The other one. Excited.” I brushed my lips against his softly.

“Good.” 

I’d told the driver to honk and the noise cut through the moment. “Time to go.” 

I jumped up off his lap, keeping his hand, and grabbing my bag from by the door. It held extra ponytail holders, Advil, tape, a first kit, and cooling rags. We got to the bar way early, a habit of mine. It was good though because I wanted to get Sebastian where he could see. There were four courts with court one in front with seating around two sides. The other three courts were lined up with court four tucked in behind court one with really no seating. The deck along the short side of court one ran the long side of most of court three and all of court two then around the corner of it. Obviously, the better games were going to be on courts one and two. The deck would be loaded with umbrella-covered tables and a long counter ran along the railing for observing. When the games were over (or any other night) it was just a big outdoor bar. It was a huge complex. Inside was a big open area with a bar that wrapped around two sides. Anything could be going on inside. Karaoke, live band, or a DJ. 

The Uber dropped us around back and we headed onto the deck. A covered area at the corner of court one was set up for registration and had a board set up with a blown-up bracket. The league coordinator was behind the table and I headed toward him. “Hey, Roger.”

“Emma. Early as always.” He gathered the paperwork.

“I want a table by one and two.”

He looked around for the table signs, “Yep, taken care of. You’ve got your pick.”

I took our registration papers and the signs with a laugh, “Which is why I’m always early.”

“And you live five minutes away.”

“Details.” I waved the papers, took Sebastian’s hand, and headed toward court one, explaining as we walked. “The higher seeded games and the championship will be on one, so we’ll get those tables first. Fingers crossed we play there. We always buy a couple of tables at a tournament because it’s just easier.” I stuck our “Player Reserved Demonic Crickets” sign in the table coils of the table closest to the net of court one then headed back the way we came, to the other side of the complex. “Friends are assured a good view and if we’re out a round we’ve got a place to hang.” I pointed to the other courts, “There are approximate start times for games, but past the first round it’s back to back, so times depends on how fast the games go. Seating for the other games isn’t as easy. Four sucks. Since we’re the three seed we’ll start on court three, but if we win we’ll bump up to court two then one. It’s a double-elimination tournament. The winner’s bracket will be on one and two, losers on three and four.” I looked between the tables and put the sign up. “You can always go to another table or the railing.” I changed my mind and moved the sign, nodding with my new choice. 

I looked at Sebastian. He was fighting a smile. “This is a new and interesting side to you.”

I laughed, “You mean the obsessive planner part?”

“Yeah.” He wrapped our joined hands behind my back, “Cute and a little annoying.”

“Also, useful.” I annoyed myself sometimes.

“I’m sure.” He nodded, kissed my forehead, and let me go.

I moved to the table and started filling out the form. Standard roster and liability waiver stuff. “Pick your seat, we’ll play here first.”

“Sure you don’t want to pick for me?”

A glared playfully at him and went back to the form. Without looking up I pointed to my right, “That one.” 

I could see him suppressing a laugh as he put my bag in the chair I’d pointed to. “Mostly cute.” 

When he’d asked to come, I didn’t even think about him sitting up here with people he didn’t know. I was just excited to see him again. Only when I’d been picking tables did it hit me, I’d be on the court most of the day. “The place won’t fill up until later, closer to dinnertime and the semi-finals.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m excited to meet your friends. Do you know where the men's room is?"

I pointed to the end of the building, "Straight through those doors."

"Be right back." He ran his fingers along my lower back as he passed by.

I watched him walk away, twirling the pen against my lip. I stayed lost in my thoughts after he'd gone through the door.

A voice startled me, "Earth to Emma." 

I turned my head, "Right on time." 

Pete gave me a one-armed hug, "You're early so we don't have to be."

All five had walked up together, "Carpool?"

Lindsey shook her head, "No, people kept showing up in the parking lot."

Lindsey's girlfriend Samantha was standing with Pete's husband, Scott. Samantha had a dry almost bitchy sense of humor which I loved, "I’m apparently the designated bar bitch." 

I hugged her, "I brought a bar bitch too. He's in the bathroom." I pointed to the papers, "Sign so we can get them turned in and warm up.”

Scott looked at Samantha, "Since your bar bitch, I’ll be paperwork bitch."

Where is Sebastian? This conversation would be perfect for an introduction. Everyone signed, Scott took off with the paperwork and the other’s headed to the court, Sam and I sat the table.

Sam pointed to my bag, "Your date there? " 

I nodded. 

"Will I like him?" 

"Hopefully you'll all like him." 

Sam gave me a look that said she knew I was hedging the question. We’d become friends over her lack of tolerance for bullshit, which is why I answered, "I’m sure you and Pete will get along great with him. Becky’s going to be weird." 

Sam snickered, "Because Becky's weird. Nick and Jeff were dicks last night. Hope their mood is better today." 

I’d skipped out on drinks last night. Glad I missed moody boys, but I wasn't worried, "Maybe they got stoned on the way. Nick plays better stoned anyway." I looked toward the building and thought I could see Sebastian pacing in front of the darkened window. Someone must have called. 

Jeff yelled from the court, “You coming, Emma?”

Sam turned her back on the court, “See?”

I rolled my eyes and walked over. I didn’t want to walk around to the end of the courts so I climbed over the railing to get under the netting and landed on our bench. 

Scott and Becky had designed out shirts. We all had bright blue tank tops with long armholes. Sports bras were easily visible and I’m pretty sure Becky considered that a feature rather than a bug. Not that I’d protested. I’m very competitive, but there was a social aspect to the game. Looking cute after the game didn’t hurt. Our team name and a graphic of a cricket with demon horns and an evil grin was on the front. Our first names on the back. The three girls had always worn volleyball shorts, but I’d bought us bright orange ones for today. They were the ones I preferred in college and it’s possible they were a little shorter than what we usually wore. 

I stood up from the bench, tossing my sweats down, and adjusting my shorts. Nick looked at the three of us, “That’s going to distract the other team." 

A voice from behind me called out, "Fuck, that's gonna distract me."

I turned to meet his eyes, "You’re easy."

He leaned forward, "Only for you, baby." 

Nick groaned, "New relationships make me want to vomit."

Jeff added, "Which is why you don’t have one."

Not a one of them looked like they recognized him. I used their banter to give me time to walk over, step on the bench, and touch him through the netting, "Everything ok? You were gone a while."

"Emily called. Best to take it or she’d keep calling. Sorry."

I shook my head and turned back to the team, “Everyone, this is Sebastian." I pointed as I said names, “Pete, Becky, Lindsey, Nick, and Jeff."

The net made handshakes impossible, so he waved, "Nice to meet all of you."

Pete was the first to do the double-take. He pointed to the table, "That’s my husband Scott."

Lindsey repeated his gesture, "My girlfriend Samantha.” 

Sebastian nodded and looked toward the table. “I’m going to go introduce myself and let you guys get ready." He looked at me. “Need anything?"

"Not yet."

He got close to the netting, nodding his head back, "Come here." 

I got closer and kissed him between the netting. He whispered, "Good luck." 

Sebastian was few feet away when Pete did a Ricky Ricardo imitation, “Lucy, you got some ‘splainin to do."

I glared and pointed a finger at them, “Do not embarrass me.”

Nick laughed, “Oh, you can be sure that’s going to happen.”

“He’s our Hall Pass.” Pete smiled dirtily.

“Both of you?” Jeff shook his head.

“Definitely. We own more than one copy of Political Animals and Kings.”

I raised my shoulders and shook my head, “Don’t know what that is.”

“Your boyfriend kisses boys in both.”

I cringed, “I wouldn’t use the word boyfriend.”

Pete grabbed a ball and rolled his eyes, “Whatever. He kisses boys. Hall Pass.”

I followed behind with Becky and Lindsey, “That’s kinda hot.”

Jeff passed a ball to me, “Have you not Googled these things?”

“No, disrespectful. No Googling. We’re just getting to know each other the normal way.”

Pete passed off to Lindsey, “I’ll send you pictures.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Bonus Day.  
> Ok, I'm also babysitting my niece until Monday and won't be online.

~*~Sebastian~*~

The phone call from my manager, Emily, was about the shoot for the watch ad. At the end, she tacked on there had been a random tweet saying, "I think I just saw The Winter Soldier kidnap and carry off a woman." I guess someone did see. Naturally, it turned into a thing with fans asking for pictures "or it didn't" happen and location. Poor guy was just posting something random to his friends and got overrun. His next tweet was "Fuck, y'all are crazy. I'm being stupid, drunk by the water, and you lose your damn minds." He has no idea. His comment about water has everyone thinking I'm at the beach. I wish. Although, I am at a sand volleyball tournament.

I went back outside and Emma wasn't at the table. I could see her out on the court. I got closer and was treated with tiny orange shorts. Those were exactly what flashed into my head when she said she played volleyball. Except I pictured the shorts black. I wasn't going to bitch about the orange. I was already making plans around peeling them off. The best I could do right now was a kiss through some black netting.

After meeting the team, I went back to the table and introduced myself. Scott stared for a bit, but after a few minutes of conversation with Samantha he joined in. This was the way it usually happened. There was a period of weird silence before my behavior convinced them I'm no different from anyone else. Once I can get them from seeing a twenty-foot version of me on a movie screen to seeing the guy in front of them things are pretty normal.

As much as I was enjoying the conversation when the game started I went up to the railing. Emma’s team started on the side that wasn't fronted by the deck. I wanted to see. I'd done my research, so I knew after the first set they'd switch sides. I'd sit down then. Maybe. I was rewarded with a smile when they took their places and she saw me.

Things didn't start well. The other teamed scored three quick points. We'd close in, then they'd pull ahead again. I learned from Samantha that Emma was the setter. She was in charge of the offensive and Pete directed defense. Her obsessive planning would probably come in handy here. When we were behind ten to twelve Pete called a time out. They ran over to the bench under where I was standing. Emma told them what she saw the other team doing and gave each of them direction. Pete added in a little, but it was mostly her. She was confident, direct, and at the end brought them together for a quick cheer and told them, "We got this." All through this, she paid zero attention to me. She was laser-focused like I wasn't even there.

Which made me hard.

From then on there was no more being behind. It was like the first part of the match was them figuring the other side out and now they were playing for real. Emma's yelling out names. Pete's telling people to move. And then there's the physicality of it. She was quick. She would dive to keep the ball from hitting the ground, barely dump it over the net, and set the ball up for one of the guys. The last one looked like she was barely touching the ball, but I knew the strength in those fingers. I'm sure the others were doing all sorts of shit too, but I was only paying attention to her. What she wasn't very good at was serving. She didn't suck. It just wasn't her strong suit.

I kept quiet throughout the set until the final score. I did a fist pump and yelled, "Yes!"

Final score twenty-five to twenty.

They headed to the bench, all smiling but not too big, and started gathering their stuff. Emma gathered her clothes over her arm before looking at me. It wasn't over yet so I gave her a thumbs up and mouthed, "Good job."

Emma stepped up on the bench like she had before the game and reached her fingers through the netting. Reaching for me. I linked my fingers with hers and met her for another kiss in a little square. She smiled and whispered, "For luck."

Nick came close and looked up," You have to do that before every set now. Superstition rules sports."

I looked around Emma to see him, "Not a hardship."

I went back to the table for the second set. Samantha, who told me to call her Sam, provided a steady commentary and answered any questions I had. I should have started back here. I had a much better understanding of roles, strategy, and gameplay by the time they won the second set and therefore the game.

Scott pointed between me and Sam, "One of you bar bitches needs to go get beer."

I jumped off the chair, I'll get it."

I looked at Sam, "What do I get?

"Bucket of Corona and one of Modelo."

"Thank you. Be right back."

The team was already at the table when I got there.

Pete looked at me as I put the buckets down. "You're going to need to be faster if you want to keep your bar bitch job."

It was good that they were giving me shit. Normal. I grabbed two of the Modelos. "I set up a tab. It'll be quicker next time."

He looked aghast, "You left your credit card?"

"I think they trust me." I opened the bottles and walked to where Emma sat, kissing her before handing off the beer. "That was great. You were great. " I quickly looked at the others, "I'm sure you all were too, but I was only paying attention to her. I'II watch everyone next game."

Jeff smiled around his beer bottle, "No, you won't."

"I'll make an effort." No one was believing me. I couldn't blame them. I ran my hand over Emma’s shoulders, "How long till the next game?"

"The team we’ll play, their game isn’t over yet." She pointed to court two. "We'll get twenty or so minutes once they're done. Wanna go watch the end?"

"Sure."

Emma took my hand and we went to the railing. "Which team do you want to win?"

She looked at both teams. "I don't know them. They're from a different league." She watched both for a minute, "Shit."

I turned toward her, leaning my arm on the counters, "What's up?"

"I went out with one of the guys on the green team." She'd moved to put her back to them.

"Hmm." I raised an eyebrow while I took a drink. Kinda thankful it's one of hers and not one of mine. "How long?"

"Just a couple of times. I didn't sleep with him." She shuddered, "He said some mildly creepy things and I ditched."

I was surprised by how relieved I felt when she said they hadn’t slept together. "Thank you for telling me."

"I wouldn't let you walk into a situation where you're the only one who doesn’t know." She ran a hand over my forearm.

Aw, she was worried. Cute. I took her hand off my arm and kissed it, "You know I make out and pretend to have sex in movies, right?"

She cracked a smile, "I hear you kiss boys too."

I can guess where she heard that from. "I have. Only for work though."

Her laughter made me smile, "I don't care if it was not for work."

I closed my eyes and shook my head, "This conversation." I opened my eyes, "I don't care if you dated some guy out there. Unless it's the blonde with long hair." Emma curled in her lips. "Oh come on!"

She shrugged and went for a change of subject. "I also heard you were Pete and Scott's Hall Pass."

"I knew that."

Her look was a cross between surprised and horrified. "I can't believe Scott told you."

"I don't think he meant to."

There was a commotion on the court. The blondes team won.

Time to go! "Ready to go back to the table?"

"Yes, please."

I put my arm around her shoulder as we walked. "Can we talk about your ass in those shorts?"

"Do you like? I bought them with you in mind."

"I do like them." We were back at the table with everyone else. I leaned closer, "I'd like to peel them off you. With my teeth."

Seed one and five were playing on court one. We'd be on court two against the blonde’s team, a two seed. I was nervous. Emma was bouncing like she had at home. I took both her hands, holding them in front of me, "Jump around. I got you."

She jumped up and down a few times, "What's this supposed to do?"

I looked sheepish, "No idea. Distraction. "

She laughed, "Worth a try. Thanks for being supportive of my crazy."

I asked again, “Anything I can get for you?"

Emma nodded emphatically, "Yes. At the switch between sets, I've got thirty seconds. Could you bring me a diet coke and a Reese Cup? Frozen.”

I repeated her order and nodded once. She must feel like she'll need a mid-game boost.

Sam's bar bitch duty was to fill up the water bottles. Emma made a bathroom run and I folded her closes and put them in the bottom of the bag. I dug out her cooling scarf. It was one o’clock in June right out in the sun. I dunked her scarf in the ice water for the beer, rung it out, and hung it over my shoulder. I had the sunscreen out when she got back.

When she saw what I held she smiled, "Thanks, I forgot. Will you get my back?"

"Discount massage all for you."

Everything is not foreplay. Repeat. Everything is not foreplay.

Emma took off her tank top for me to access everywhere. I was very thorough. I didn’t want her to burn. A bad sunburn can be brutal. After I finished with her, she insisted on covering me. I didn’t have the same degree of exposed skin, but she tried. Sun protection aside, it was more about the touching.

Everything is foreplay.

They were called to the courts and Emma came for her good luck kiss. There was no netting so there was a bit of tongue involved. That would see me through the next set or so.

This game had me sitting on the edge of my seat and pacing closer to the railing. Sam stayed with me with Scott seemed barely interested. Points went on forever and they traded off the lead every serve. They did the same thing with taking a time out when they reached ten points, but the results weren’t quite as dramatic. They pulled ahead a few points and were keeping the lead. When they reached twenty points, I walked backward to the bar to get Emma’s Diet Coke and a frozen Reese Cup. I jogged back to the railing just in time to see my girl reject a spike from the blonde, Becky set the ball, and Nick send it back to win the set.

I was back by Sam, “Fuck, that was dramatic.” She looked at me like she knew something I didn’t. I laughed, “I know they went out.”

Her face read relieved, “Oh good, I suck at secrets.”

Emma came off the court and directed me down to the end where there was an opening in the netting. I had the Reese Cup open and the paper peeled off before I got to her. She shoved the whole thing in her mouth and mumbled a thank you.

“That was a great play.” She nodded and took a very long drink of Diet Coke.

Emma pressed her lips to mine. “Give me the Reese and you keep the Diet Coke.”

“Got it.” I dumped the candy out and handed it to her.

Second set they went up by five early, skipped the time out, and won twenty-five to eighteen. Fuck, yeah! 

I went after beer and stopped by the board. This had them in the semi-finals with the one seed. They were already finished so the countdown was on. Emma came up behind me, laying her hand on my back, “We’re moving tables.”

“Court one, baby!” I kissed her cheek, “Semi-finals. I checked the board. This is cool. I’m taking pictures this game.”

It was more crowded on this side of the deck and I was thankful for her planning now. Nick and Jeff were moving the table up closer to the railing and it looked like Pete and Scott had stolen some more chairs. We were set up along the railing on either side of the net. Looked like a little horseshoe blockade. There were some extra people there too. Emma had said more people would show up for later games closer to dinner. She introduced me to the new people, Nick taking care of the few she didn’t know. Emma passed on the beer, preferring to hydrate. Smart. I went for beer. I figured them playing the one seed was either going to be incredibly nerve-wracking or quickly depressing. I wasn’t sure which I dreading more. Either way, beer was the answer. Until shots were.

They called the teams to the court and Emma took a deep breath and jumped around a little. I was glad to see that. I was concerned because she hadn’t been as bouncy. “Ready to go, Tigger?”

She snorted a laugh, “If we win I’m going to need food. If we lose . . . I’m still gonna need food.”

All five of her teammates chimed in, “Me too.”

“You guys got this. You’ve been kicking ass. Just do what you do.” My attempt at a pep talk was appreciated by thanks and head nods.

Nick looked over and pointed, “Don’t forget the good luck kiss, man. Don’t break the streak.”

“I like him.” I gave her a quick kiss and sent her on her way.

The time between this game turned into more than thirty. The loser’s bracket was running behind and they wanted to even things out a little. If we won this team would go into the loser’s bracket and play someone so there would be more than an hour between the end of this and the next game. The team stayed on the court and I listened to friends around me catching up.

Jacob, one of the newcomers, spoke up, “So Sebastian, on set, which of the Marvel guys was the biggest asshole?”

I had ready-made answers for this, but Sam put her hand on my arm and addressed him, “Yeah, we don’t do that. This isn’t a comic con.” She motioned to me with her hand, “This is our friend Seb, here for a volleyball game. If you have questions buy a ticket.”

Jacob held up his hands, “Fair enough.”

I shrugged, but inside I was cringing a little. Sometimes answering questions or taking pictures is the safer bet. I can control things a little better and ask people not to post anything for a little while. If you piss people off they do what they want without your permission.

I pointed my thumb at her, “Interviewing for my bodyguard.” Hopefully, that would break any tension.

Jacob laughed, “She doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit.”

The game started and I turned my back on everyone. Sam was beside me. “Renner.”

She looked at me confused, “What?”

“Renner’s the biggest asshole.”

We lost the first set. Badly. When Emma came over to switch sides she didn’t say a word. She popped up on the bench, gave me a kiss, and was off. They started down by three in the second set. I leaned my elbows on the counter and looked back at Sam, “How’s she handle losing?”

Sam shook her head, “Haven’t lost yet. You’re a nervous little thing.”

“It’s new.”

“Sweet.” She looked out at the game then back to me. “She’s very competitive. Losing pisses her off, but she’s over it quick. Tequila helps.” She nodded toward the court, “But we haven’t lost yet.”

And we didn’t. One set all.

I wanted to vomit. I was tensing up with every play. Every time they scored, I was doing something. Yelling, “yes”. Making faces. Fist pumps. Banging on the counter. Anything to release the tension. There wasn’t anything dramatic, just solid play. Slowly we increased the lead. A point here, a point there. And they didn’t match it, didn’t catch up.

Twenty-five to nineteen. Sam and I both yelled, “Fuck, yeah!” at the same time.


	39. Chapter 39

~*~Emma~*~

We'd won as a team and we jumped in the air screaming as a team. After shaking hands with the other side, we assembled by the net pole for a group hug. That had been an amazing fight back. The struggle made the win sweeter.

We were on the far side of the court from the deck, but I swear I could see Sebastian's smile. I felt like I'd been ignoring him, probably because I had. Hopefully, he doesn’t feel that way.

After gathering our stuff, we headed toward the pavilion to check on procedure and time. Since the team we just beat had only lost once they went into the loser’s bracket. They would be playing the two seed. We'd have close to two hours before our next game.

Becky put her hand over her stomach, "I'm starving."

I snaked my arm through hers, "Me too."

Jeff threw his arm over my shoulder, "I’m sure your boyfriend will feed you." 

I smacked his stomach, "Do not call him that. It's way too new to be using that word. I really really like him. Don't get him thinking I’m some kind of clingy what-does-this-mean dependent woman."

Nick snickered from behind me, "He'd be wrong."

Lindsey came to my defense, "You all need to behave. Stop acting like you're not a bunch of fanboys who are going to talk about this for weeks. Don't you screw this up for her."

Pete leaned in between me a Jeff, "And me."

We were still laughing when we got to the table. Sebastian came around the table, wrapped his arms around my waist, and lifted me off my feet. "Congratulations."

I hugged around his neck, "Thanks." I kissed his cheek as he let my feet touch the ground.

"Fuck, that was exciting. What's next?" 

I started to speak, but Nick was beside us, nodding at the group of friends who’d joined us before the game, "They're going to stay with the table while we go inside to eat." 

Becky walked by with Jeff singing, "Air conditioning."

I couldn't wait to get inside. The mix of sunscreen and sweat would at least dry inside. Disgusting. I grabbed the small string bag from the end pocket of my gym bag as we headed inside. At the table I excused myself, asking Sebastian to get me an iced tea. Becky and Lindsey followed me and barely past the bathroom door, we pulled our tank tops over our heads. Ten minutes later we'd wiped off, changed panties, and applied fresh deodorant. It wasn't great, but it was better.  
We could hear the laughter coming from our table long before we got there. Sebastian having fun with these friends made me excited for him to meet Angie and Eli. There was no comparison in what the different groups meant to me.

Sebastian was at the corner of the table with Pete diagonal. Jeff's girlfriend had shown up while we were in the bathroom, so now there were ten of us. Pete and Sebastian were talking and laughing so I had Sam let me onto the bench between them. I admit I sat closer than necessary. There was plenty of room. Sebastian kept on with his conversation, taking his hand from the table and putting his arm around me, his hand resting on my hip.

Conversation bounced all over as we ate. There was even a small and short-lived food fight. When Sebastian and I had finished eating, he leaned back, hands dropping to his lap. I took the hand nearest me and sat back, turning a little to see him. “I feel like I’ve been ignoring you.”

An amused look took over his face, “You have been. It’s been fantastic.”

I’m sure I looked confused, “Fantastic?”

“Yes. You’ve been completely focused on the game.” He made a motion with his free hand, like and it was a rifle site. “Laser-focused. I don’t think you even heard anybody yelling. It’s been awesome to watch. I’m glad I haven’t distracted you.”

“That might be going a bit too far.” He leaned closer and I gave him a kiss. I caught a smile and wink from Pete. 

“Don’t worry about me. You get through this game, we’ll get drunk, and then I’ll either fall asleep or take advantage of you.”

“Romantic.”

“Na, that’s next weekend.”

Back outside Lindsey, Sam, Nick, Sebastian, and I walked over to court two to see how that game was going. We’d beat both of them and they’d be out for redemption. In our favor was we had a long break and time to eat. I never took any of that too seriously. Too many “easy” wins in the Super Bowl had gone to shit. Nothing was easy when you were dealing with competitive people.

Sebastian slung his arm around my shoulders as we watched and I held onto his hand. “Preference?”

I shook my head, “Good and bad to both.” I pointed out the differing skills, habits, and ways to counteract each team. I always liked watching team films in college. I could get a feel for how they played and what they struggled with. We could structure our play to our advantage. Obviously, you can’t do this is a rec league, but that’s some of what I was doing before we’d take a time out. Pete and I were both watching for weaknesses and what they liked to do. The time out gave us thirty seconds to pass on the information. Watching this game wasn’t providing additional information, it was more of a mind fuck. Having the team that beat you watching was always a good way to get in the other team’s head.

The second seed was the winner. Drew’s team. We headed back to get ready.

The approximate start time for the finals was eight and that gave us almost thirty minutes before game time. We took to the court at fifteen for a warm-up after I got my pregame good luck kiss. The other team didn’t come back until the five-minute warning. That’s what I would have done too. Rest for them was more important. We got to choose which side we wanted to start on. I picked the far bench. I wanted to be walking back to our support system to pump us up after the first set. More friends had shown up during warm-ups and the bar itself was crowded. Lindsey was the one who got nervous with people watching. We huddled up and I looked at her, “So what’s Sam think of Sebastian?”

“What?” 

Lindsey needed out of her head. “They’ve been sitting together all day. What’s she think of him?”

“Umm,” she still looked confused, “he’s fun. She said he hasn’t asked anything about you, except what to expect if we lost.”

Nick cocked his head, “That’s good.”

I looked at the women then Nick, “Why is that good?”

Jeff put an arm around me, “If I’m asking about her it means I haven’t decided what I think yet. If I’m just having fun with her friends . . . I’m more concerned with their impression of me because I already know what I want.”

Nick nodded, “Truth.”

I raised my eyebrows, “So what do you think?”

Jeff put his hand over Pete’s mouth, “Win this game and we’ll tell you.”

“That’s not fair at all.”

We took to the court and went to work. We didn’t take our normal time out at ten points. We had just scored us out of a tie and neither Pete nor I wanted to take us out of the momentum. We fell behind eighteen to twenty, but a pair of perfectly served balls got us back even and we took the set twenty-five to twenty-two. 

There was no celebrating. Everybody held their game faces. I don’t know about the rest of them, but I was tired. It was a long hot day. I’d be digging deep to get through the match. If we won all my lost energy would come back. Funny how that happened. But we weren’t there yet. Back at our bench, I looked up to see Sebastian wipe his hand across his forehead with wide eyes. Yeah. It had been close. I stepped up on the bench, “You gonna make it?”

“I don’t know. Don’t do that again.” He pulled an orange wrapper out from beside him, “Need a Reese Cup?”

My face lit up, “Oh hell, yes.” 

He laughed and poked it through the netting, “You got this, Emma. You got this.” 

I guess he knew I was tiring out. I kissed him quickly and shoved the candy in my mouth. Lindsey had jumped up to say something to Sam and I pulled on her tank top, “I’ve got the cutest cheerleader.”

That made all four of us laugh and we went back on the court. 

The whistle blew and it was on. Points were quick, but we flip-flopped the lead on every serve. Then it happened. I was on the back row and went for a dig, yelling for Becky to back me up with the set. I dove for the ball and got one hand under. Becky set the ball and Nick drove the ball into the sand. I looked down and saw blood. The ball had hit my fingernail and broken it off into the nail bed. 

The official saw and blew the whistle, “Injury time out.”

Jeff was closest to the bench and looked up to Sebastian, “Her bag. It’s got a first aid kit.”

I ran over and jumped onto the bench, shoving my fingers through the netting just as Sebastian pulled out the first aid kit. Injury time out was three minutes. Plenty of time to deal with this. It hurt but wasn’t serious.

Sebastian looked at my finger, opening the kit, “Your nail’s still hanging on.”

“Yeah, I know. Rip it off.”

“What?” His eyes went wide.

I screamed, “Fuck!” Sam had reached over and yanked while I was looking at him. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Sebastian pressed the cold wet antiseptic wipe on my finger. I looked at Sam, “Thanks.”

Sebastian wiped the sides of my finger, “Thanks? No, fuck you, Sam. That hurt me.” He tossed the wipe to the side and wrapped me in a band-aid. “That’s never going to hold.” 

“It’s only gotta make it seven more points.” I was pissed. 

We’d just scored off their serve, so guess whose turn it was to serve now? Mine. You don’t use your fingers to serve, but the vibration from my hand was not going to feel good. We scored on my first two serves, but not the third. Each time I had to set the ball hurt like hell. The key was to not anticipate the pain. You had to make the play then deal with the repercussions. We hit the twenty point mark and never looked back. I wasn’t even sure of the score until the crowd erupted and Nick grabbed me. We’d won.

The opposing team congratulated us on our win. A couple of people asked about my finger. Drew being one of them. If I was paranoid, I'd say his concern felt a little less than sincere. We were hustled over to the sign with the bar’s name on for website pictures. Pete handed off his phone to get a couple more for us. Our friends were coming across the sand and we waved them over. Sebastian had a huge excited grin on his face, making him look like a giddy kid. My want to hug him cannot be underestimated. I practically threw myself at him, fully confident he'd catch me. A moment later I was being held so tight against him I could barely take in a breath.

"Congratulations, baby. I'm so proud of you." He kissed me like he meant it and I felt it to my toes.

I heard someone clapping their hands, knowing instantly it was Pete. "I want all our people together for a picture. Team up front."

I took Sebastian's hand and took him with me. Everyone crowded in with us and Sebastian wrapped around me from behind. Pete got his phone back and we started inside. First round for us would be on the house. Ah, the perks of a win.

Sebastian tapped Sam before we were off the court, holding out his phone, "Please."

We moved away from people and he wrapped around me again. He rubbed his chin against my neck, making me squirm and laugh. His hold was tight enough that I couldn't get away. I reached back to try and push him away. My hand on his face got him to stop and I turned to look at him. The mischievous look on his face clued me in to what had been his plan all along. I smiled and welcomed his soft lips against mine, hoping like hell Sam was still taking pictures.

Inside, there was a back corner with a neon sign overhead reading, "Winner's Corner." Yeah, that was us for the night. There was a huge corner table and several bar height tables crammed in the space. I went to sit in the corner booth by Nick, but Sebastian pulled me back, "We need to clean up your finger."

I looked at the filthy band-aid, "Yeah."

I told Nick what we were doing and he grabbed my arm as I turned to go, "What do you want to drink?"

"Big ass margarita and a shot." 

Sebastian spoke around me, "Both of us. Two", and held up two fingers. He walked around to the side of the bar where servers put in their drink orders and got the bartenders attention, "Is there an employee's bathroom we can use to clean up her finger?"

"Sure." He pointed to the "Employees Only" door beside us. "Just inside on the left. Congrats, Emma."

I smiled, "Thanks, Max."

The employee bathroom was multi-person but definitely cleaner than the public counterpart. Sebastian dug the first aid kit out of my bag and put it between the two sinks. I looked at the ragtag band-aid and worked at the adhesive before yanking it over my fingertip.

Sebastian winced, "Fucking hell, woman. You people and ripping things off." He ended his mini-rant with a laugh. "I can't believe Sam just ripped the rest of your nail off."

"There was only a little piece still connected."

He put his hand under mine and looked at my finger, "Yeah, the part that looks like a chunk has been gouged out." His face still looked pained. "Is it hurting?"

I nodded, "Oh yeah."

He moved to kiss my finger, but stopped, "Clean first, kiss later. Your hands are filthy."

I turned on the water and pumped out a generous amount of a substance claiming to be antibacterial foam soap. "I have news for you. Every part of me is filthy."

"And you're right-handed. Good thing your shower is big, so I can help."

The glint in his eyes made my heart skip a beat. "You take such good care of me."

"I’m trying." He washed his own hands and used his finger to spread the ointment. When I winced he cut his eyes up to me, "Sorry."

Watching the attention and care he took in wrapping the band-aid around my finger reaffirmed my belief that he was the sweetest man ever. With the band-aid on, he lifted my hand and kissed my finger carefully. He looked back to my eyes, "Better?"

"Definitely." It felt like someone had sucked all the oxygen out of the room. I wondered if I'd ever become immune to the intensity in his blue eyes. I hoped not. "Would you kiss me?" 

"Love to." His hands held my face a split second before his lips touched mine. I slid my hand under the hem of his t-shirt to get to his skin. I welcomed the gentle stroke of his tongue and let my lips fall open. One hand dropped away and his armed snaked around my shoulder, pulling me close as the kiss deepened. When we parted I licked the taste of him from my lips, "Thank you."

"Anytime." He bit his bottom lip with a smile.

Our drinks were at the table when we got back. I slipped in beside Nick and Sebastian took the end. Pete looked at Sebastian with a frown and cocked his head to the side, "I expected that to take longer."

There was a weird pause waiting for his response. I didn’t know which way he'd go. I felt like it was a rite of passage, could they rag on him the same way we did each other. He looked at the waiting faces, “Skill beats time, my friend. Skill beats time.”

We drank and laughed and drank and laughed some more. I came back from a bathroom break to find Sebastian was in a very animated conversation at the table, having scooted over where I’d been sitting. Becky pulled me over to a group of her friends standing away from the table. I positioned myself where I could discretely look at Sebastian. I'd had enough tequila that I was pretty sure discrete no longer meant what I thought it did. Also, pretty sure the way he was looking at me was best described as eye fucking. It wasn't constant, but I swear I could feel his eyes on me.

A big group of people who'd come to see us play decided to head to another place, clearing out a lot of room in our corner. I hit the bar, ordering a tray of shots and watched while a variety was poured and loaded up. No way in hell was I to be trusted carrying anything at this part. I followed the server back to the table and plopped down next to Sebastian, who smiled drunkenly and kissed my cheek.

"Everybody grab a shot." I waited while people picked and traded the tiny glasses. I had no idea what I had. I held up my glass, "A perfect tournament, perfect friends, and a perfect night."

Everyone drank and Sebastian shuddered, "That was truly awful."

Jeff handed him a beer, "Drink up."

Not too much later I heard my name from the other side of the table. I was leaning on the table talking across Nick and Sebastian. Pete and I were arguing about what was the best crappy disaster movie. With the sound of my name I looked up, "What?" It was Drew. I squinted my eyes, "Why?"

Drew was drunk too. "You've got a big fucking mouth."

I looked at my friends then back to him, "I don't know what you're talking about. Or do I care."

I felt Sebastian's hand on my lower back. The warmth letting me know he was there.

"You ruined my reputation and move on like there will never be consequences." 

Jeff held up his hand, "You're drunk. You don't want to do this. You're just going to look like an ass."

Ohhh! This little confrontation wasn't about me. Well, it was, but it was more about embarrassing me in front of Sebastian. Fuck, no. Now I was mad. I leaned forward and spoke loudly, so he (and anyone nearby) could hear me. "Are we in high school again? Your reputation. I didn't say shit to anybody. You said you were joking and I took you at your word. I just didn't want anything else to do with you."

Someone said, "Good call."

I ignored it. "Maybe what ruined your reputation was one too many misogynistic and slightly rapey jokes. Nobody needed my help to know you're an asshole."

"You're a bitch."

"Yes, thank you. You can go now." I kept eye contact despite the sound of snickering nearby. I wasn't about to be the one to back down.

Drew broke away and looked... at the person beside me. "What about you?" 

Sebastian was mid drink, covering his smile. He lowered his glass, "Why the fuck are you bringing me into this?" 

Drew continued, "She's your girlfriend, isn't she?"

"Well, yes, and your point is?"

What the hell just happened?

"Shouldn't you be defending her?"

Oh, good lord.

"She seems to be doing ok on her own. I'm here if she needs me." The hand above the table took mine. "Emma, babe, you need anything?"

I turned my head toward him, "No, I'm good. Thank you."

Sebastian looked at the drunk idiot in front of him. I could see security walking our way. "She's good. And I think you've been dismissed."

His hand drifted down and grabbed my ass. I almost laughed.

"Is there a problem here?" Said the intimidatingly large man.

Even drunk, Drew realized this was over. "No problem" and walked away.

I was stunned by the whole scene. Mostly the Sebastian part. We were all quiet until Nick said, "How drunk do you have to be to pick a fight with the Winter Soldier?"

Everyone broke out in laughter. Sebastian shook his head, "If any of you seriously think I can fight like that without a trainer and several days of practice we need to talk. A fight scene is more like a choreographed dance than a fight." He was still laughing.

Jeff joined in," Doesn't matter. Now his reputation," he accented the word with air quotes, "is the drunk who tried to pick a fight with the Winter Soldier."

Lindsey was the one to ask, "What did he say?"

I didn’t care about telling the story now and sighed, "First I need to say we went out on two dates. Two." I held up two fingers, noticing they were a little blurry and my words were a little slurry. "We made out, but no sex."

I hear Sebastian's voice, "Details no one needs."

Nick looked at him, "You mean details you don't need."

Sebastian bobbed his head and I continued, "We went on a group date with some friends of his. I don't remember how we got there, but he and his friend were saying how when a woman agrees to come in for a drink she knows what she’s really agreeing to." 

Everybody hissed in a breath or mumbled something like "no”.

"I explained going upstairs for a drink means just that. He argued that agreeing to come upstairs is agreeing to whatever goes on when you go upstairs because come up from a drink means come up and have sex and if it's good, we'll order pizza. At the end of the night he asked if he could come in for a drink. I told him no and because of our differing definition of consent, we wouldn't be going out again. Which is when he told me he was just kidding and being an ass with his friends."

The men on both sides of me both said, "No."

Sebastian looked at Nick, "Go ahead."

"He may have been kidding, but he wasn't really kidding."

Sebastian added, "He's only kidding when someone calls him on it."

"My point exactly. Now, can we go back to drinking?" I addressed the question to the table. 

Lindsey headed to the bar, "I'll get the shots."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to go back to work this week and it's been rough. Hope you enjoy!


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got up to make banana bread for my niece. This chapter is just as sweet. Enjoy.

~*~Sebastian~*~

I woke up face down and naked on top of Emma's bed. I turned my head and could see Emma was also face down and naked. She was also using my lower back as a pillow with her arm under my ass. I have no idea how we got here. I remember the blonde with long hair trying to start shit. Then more shots. And more shots. We hadn't driven, so we must have taken an Uber back. I could see towels on the floor, so we must have showered. That's good because we both had to stink after all day in the sun. Her more. I stifled a laugh and felt Emma shift. I said, "Morning." My voice sounded like we’d been drinking all night or I’d started smoking again.

"Morning." Her voice sounded as rough as mine. She started to move then stopped. "I'm hugging your butt like a teddy bear. Interesting."

"Gotta admit, it's a first."

Emma joined me right way on the bed after planting a kiss on my ass. I rolled to my side, mirroring her, "Any idea how we got here?"

"Not really." She cringed, "I remember getting out of an Uber and barely being able to unlock the door."

"There's towels on the floor."

She leaned and sniffed my chest, "You smell nice and clean." Her eyes shifted between both our naked bodies. "Did we have sex?"

I laughed, "Oh, I doubt it." She laughed with me. I ran my hand down her side to rest on her hip, my eyes following. "I may always want you, but I think too drunk to fuck was a thing last night."

She smiled, her single dimple making itself known, "Always, huh?"

"Always." I went to kiss her, but was stopped by her hand on my chest.

"Oh no." She shook her head. "Something has crawled in my mouth and died." She climbed over me and headed to the bathroom. I heard her pee, flush, and turned the water on.

I knocked, "Can I brush too?"

She let me in and made room in front of the sink. We continued talking as we brushed. "How do you feel?"

"Not horrible. A little headache. My finger hurts. How about you?

"Dehydrated. Headache."

"We have brunch with your parents in two hours."

I looked at her in the mirror, "We can push it back. I don't want to cancel."

"No, Advil and some water and I'll be fine." She put her hand over her stomach. "I'll be hungry by then." She finished brushing her teeth, put her tooth brush away, and looked down my body. Emma's hand caressed down my chest to cup my balls. "You're very naked, Mr. Stan."

I almost choked on a mouthful of toothpaste. I spit and rinsed while she continued to fondle me. Thankfully, she waited to stroke my cock. I dropped my toothbrush in the sink with a groan. My hands ran down the silky skin of her back to her ass and I pulled her closer. I stopped a fraction of an inch from her lips, "You're very naked too, Ms. Marcum."

I kissed her and realized I was already hungry.

Two hours later we walked into Jill's Bistro and sat down with my parents. Mom was happy to see both of us. She'd texted me Friday morning to make sure we were still on and to tell me again she liked Emma. I was glad. I love my mom. While her approval of someone I'm going out with isn’t necessary, it is nice. Especially considering how much I liked Emma.

Mom did separate us for brunch. When we got to the table, she and Anthony were seated across from each other. I rolled my eyes as I hugged her, "Traitor."

Mom kissed my cheek, "I can talk to you both." She hugged Emma, "Nice to see you again."

"You too."

I pushed in Emma's chair and kissed her cheek before walking to the other side of the table. This was fine. We were both tall enough for me to stretch out my leg and touch hers. Yes, I am just that ridiculous.

Mom was on Emma's right and immediately noticed her finger, like any good mom would. Emma had left it uncovered to get some air. The blood was gone, but it was still red and looked like it hurt. She said it did. Emma told them about the game and I pulled out my phone to supplement with pictures and video. I smiled watching again, even more with the interest my parents showed. Eventually we talked about other stuff. Food was good. Dessert was incredible. It was a good time. I was still a little dehydrated and tired. Inside the CRV I looked at her, "Are you tired?"

"A little. Why? What do you want to do?" Her smile and the way she's looking at me. Damn.

Shaking my head, I said, "Nothing. I was thinking I was a little tired and figured you really must be."

"Wanna go home and lay on the couch? Read. It's your turn to introduce me to a TV show."

I laughed, "Yeah, it is. You need to turn in your lesson plans too." I remembered.

"Last week. Woo hoo!" She pumped both arms in the air. We were laughing when her phone  
rang. The CRV screen said, "Dad #2". Emma pointed toward the steering wheel, “Hit answer for me. The one on the left." I hit the button and the call connected. "Hey, dad."

A gravelly voice came through the speakers and my inner fanboy got very excited. My thought that Dad #2 was Ed proved true.

"Hey Emma. How was the tournament?"

"We won!"

"That's fantastic. Congratulations."

"It was fun. I'll send you pictures."

"Can't wait to see them. Did you hurt yourself?"

"Broke off a nail. Nothing major." She looked at me and winked. "I'm being well taken care of."

Thus far the conversation had been a quick back and forth. There was a noticeable pause before Ed started speaking again, "What exactly does that mean?"

"I'm seeing someone. He patched me up when I hurt myself."

I was thinking being a knight in shining armor would get me some points.

"Do you not remember the rules? Do dating before thirty. In the last two weeks have you miraculously turned thirty?"

Nope, no points for me. I'm also docking myself some points because I don't know how old she is. She's got a job and a condo. That’s old enough.

"No, I have not. Wait, he's over thirty." I held up some fingers. "Thirty-six."

"Was that supposed to make it better, Emma? Thirty-six. Fuck, he's not a musician too is he?  
'Cause that requires paperwork."

"No, not a musician."

"What's he do?" There was a tone in his voice that told me he knew she was not telling him something.

"He's an actor."

"Not better. Should have never let you move to New York. Actors and musicians everywhere."

"I met him here." She was pointing down like he could see her. They were used to FaceTime.

“Yes or no. If I was to hang up and change to FaceTime would I see him?" He was giving her shit, but his affection for her was clear.

"Of course not, Daddy. I’m in the car. Answering FaceTime would be dangerous."

I let out a barking laugh. The tone of her voice was very Cher from Clueless.

"Ha! Thought so. What’s your name?"

I answered without pause, “Sebastian Stan. Nice to, well, meet you. Sort of."

"Sebastian Stan. S-T-A-N." I nearly laughed again. Fucking Eddie Vedder was Googling me. “That’s why your name sounds familiar. Marvel. What the hell are you doing in Beacon?"

"My parents live here. We met when I was helping them move." Yes, that's me sucking up. I pulled into her drive and put the CRV in park, waiting to cut the engine until we were done with the call.

Ed laugh, "I trust her that you're a nice guy, Sebastian, or she wouldn't have answered the call."

Emma laughed, "Very true. We're home. Now that you two have met can we continue the inquisition tomorrow night. He leaves in the morning."

"Sure. Harper has awards tomorrow, so wait until after school."

"I will. I can congratulate her. Give the girls and Jill a hug. I love you."

"I love you, too Emma."

Emma put her hand on my arm and leaned over the console to kiss me, "He'll have your phone number, address, and SAG member ID in five minutes. Ten tops."

We kicked off our shoes and headed to the couch. I sat down and she straddled my lap, giving me a kiss. I decided to tell her what I'd thought. "He was giving you shit, but I could tell he really loves you. He sounded more, I don't know, amused, than anything."

She smiled, her tongue sticking out between her teeth. "He was. He's a lot of fun. He did tell me I had to get prior written approval before going out with a musician."

"I don't think he would have signed off."

"Me either."

I kept my arm on her leg, my hand on her hip. My other hand went to her face to guide her in for a kiss. A very long, slow kiss. I kept my hand on her face, "I don't know how old you are."

"Twenty-eight. I'll be twenty-nine on November twenty third."

"Eight years."

She ignored my statement. "I have a confession." This was going to be interesting. "I said I wouldn't Google you, but I had already checked IMDB the day we met. You hadn't said your last name when you introduced yourself and I wanted to make sure you were you I thought you were. Your birthday's on there."

I smiled with how she wasn’t sure who I was, "You're so cute I want to squish you." I hugged her tight, rocking her from side to side.

She was holding onto me and laughing, "Can I look at Google images? I like looking at you."

I un-hugged her where I could see her face. "You can look where ever you want. Promise me you'll ask me about anything."

Her face said no before she did, "I want pretty pretty pictures not articles or gossip. I’m having too much fun getting to know you. I want to learn about you from you."

I dropped both my hands to her thighs. A week ago I didn't touch her like this. "That means more to me than you can possibly imagine."

Emma shrugged one shoulder, tilting here head toward the shrug, "I think you're gonna mean more to me than you can possibly imagine."

Jesus. Maybe twenty-eight is too young to be afraid to say shit like that. I want to know how she's so fearless.

"I have a pretty good imagination."

"We'll both have to wait and see."

A very nice moment was broken by my phone. Something told me to pick it up. FaceTime and I didn't recognize the number. Emma did, "Ed." She climbed off my lap. "I'm going to grab my tablet. Want me to get your book?"

"Yes, please, outside pocket of my bag."

"Be right back."

I answered and waited for Ed's face to show up. "She told me it would take you five, ten minutes max. You're late."

"Everything takes longer on Sunday." He smiled, "My wife tells me I can be intense and overprotective."

"I get it, she's one of your daughters. I think she's pretty special too." I hoped my sincerity played over FaceTime.

He leaned back on whatever he sat on, "If she's letting us meet, she thinks you're pretty special too."

I smiled and nodded, "I hope so." I heard Emma coming down the stairs, "Please tell me you're tougher than her other dad."

Ed laughed, "He's a cupcake."

Emma put her face next to mine where he could see both of us, "Do not scare him. I like him."

Ed shifted his attention to her, "Should you say that in front of him?"

"Don't be silly. He knows. I would never."

There it is! I’ve been waiting patiently and there it finally fucking is. I turned my head and pulled away to see her, "There's the southern accent I’ve been waiting for!"

Ed smirked, "Wait until she goes back to Georgia. You've got a good two or three days before she loses the accent. The harder she tries the worse it gets."

"Which is why I don't try."

Indignant, but still a little Southern. I snickered. She turned her head and kissed my lips. I winced, “Don't do that. I think I was winning him over."

A young female voice came through, "Is that Sissy?"

"Hi Livvy."

A teenage girl with long straight hair moved in beside her dad. She looked confused, shifting her eyes between us. She settled on me and her mouth dropped open, "Bucky?"

I loved when kids called me by my character, "Who the hell is Bucky?” A smile lit up her face, “How are you, Olivia? Emma’s told me a lot about you."

Attention back to Emma. "Sissy, you're dating Bucky?"

"I am."

Olivia's hand covered her mouth, "Oh shit!" She pushed her dad's shoulder, "Do not  
scare him off. I want to meet him. It's six months to Hawaii. Emma, you keep him happy and I'll make dad be nice. I love him." She was looking at me.

"Thank you."

Ed was glaring at me and holding up a finger. "One, Seb, I have a one daughter limit."

"I'm not willing to trade. I like the one I've got."

He smirked, "I'm starting to like you, but it could turn and I will find you."

"I'II try not to give you reason."

Another face came to the other side of Ed’s face. Obviously, his beautiful wife. She looked at me then Ed, "Have you two finished the pissing contest?"

Ed smile at his wife, love filled his face, "We've got a truce."

We stayed on FaceTime for a while longer and I was a little sad when we hung up. Emma stood up and I turned enough for me to grab and pull her over the couch into my lap. Her flailing and squeals made me laugh. I buried my face in her neck, kissing and tickling her. She tried to fight back and I held her wrists. Despite her wiggling I was able to kiss her. That stopped her. But I wasn't wanting serious or to sit here making out. I was still in fanboy mode. "I want to get on a plane and go to Seattle. That was so much fun, even the parts where Ed looked like he wanted to murder me. I got to see you with your family and finally," I looked to the ceiling and shook my fist, "got to hear your southern accent."

"We do have a lot fun together. Not that my parents and sister aren't fun, but it is different."

"Sure. I loved you telling Ed FaceTime would be dangerous. You two going back and forth."

Emma laughed, "We watch Clueless every New Year’s Day."

I punched my thumb and forefinger together, "Spot on."

She combed her fingers through my hair, "Do you realize me seeing you with your family is just as fun for me? Your mom sending you to the other side of the house and watching you two was great. You reverting to a little boy was amusing." She did the thing in my hair again. "And very sweet."

We like each other's family (at least the half I've met) and we like each other. Things are working out well. I rearranged her a little on my lap, "Can we catch up on some making out?"

"Absolutely."


	41. Chapter 41

~*~Emma~*~

After our extended makeout break I grabbed my laptop to finish my lesson plans and newsletter. I sat on the chaise part of the couch. Sebastian stretched out with his head at the other end and his feet tucked under my thigh. He was reading, but I would catch him looking at me.

"Done!" I closed my laptop and sat it on the floor. I grabbed my tablet from the end table.

Sebastian said, "Good," before swinging around to lay his head in my lap. Well, I think reading will have to wait a few minutes. I ran my hand over his scruffy beard on both sides of his face before pulling at the gray hairs on his chin. "When is the photoshoot for the watch?" I continued to stroke his beard while we talked.

Sebastian cut his eyes to me. "Wednesday. Thursday if needed."

"Can you send me what you look like?"

"I can. I’ll send you before and after." 

I pulled my eyebrows down in question. 

"When I show up before makeup and stylists get a hold of me and after."

"Ooo, fun. It will almost be like being there."

"I like photoshoots. I like getting to wear different clothes and try different looks. It can get tedious, but usually the photographer is trying to keep me relaxed and in a good mood."

"I love trying on new clothes. Dressing up."

He turned his head a little, "Dinner next week. Any place or type of food you want?"

We talked about different cuisines and decided on a few options. Tables could be hard to come by. We also talked about me going to the gym with him on Saturday. His gym. The idea of watching him work out for real was infinitely appealing. That would far outweigh any nervousness about my comparative fitness level.

"When's the last time you saw Angie and Eli?"

Easy question. "First weekend in May." Always the first weekend in May. "They came up here. Angie and I went shoe shopping then Eli did a short acoustic set at a bar."

"What do you think about having drinks or something?"

Unexpected. I'd thought about it, but it was the first time I'd been to his place and I didn't feel right making plans. I moved my hand to his chest, "Are you sure?"

He picked up my hand, kissed it, and put it back on his chest. "Friday is mine. After dealing with my gym friends if you may want some sanity."

I smiled, "Ok. What do you want to do?"

"Don't care. Talk it over with them. They're your best friends. I want to meet them."

This was the first time I'd gone out with basically a total stranger. We weren't really long distance, but we weren't in the same town either. Usually, whoever I dated already knew my friends. With Sebastian, we'd been here and met my friends. I’d met his family, which was all kinds of backwards, but it was important to me to meet his friends, to know him with them. I realized all of that was because I wanted to be in his life, not just an hour north of it.

"I want to meet your best friends too."

"I'll be checking who's in town. I want to show you off. You already know Kirk. I'll be quizzing him to find out which of my traitorous friends know you and didn’t introduce us."

It made me laugh, how he'd been thinking. "What happens if you find out we already met or someone tried and you said no?"

Sebastian cringed, "I'll be figuring out a way to kick my own ass."

I went back to stroking his beard. Almost like I was trying to get each little hair to go in the same direction.

"You seem fascinated with my beard."

"It's soft. Softer when it's grown in more, but it's still soft. Do you want me to stop?"

"Nope."

We read in silence for a long time. I continued to play with his beard and he continued to smile. One of us got bored and we switched to TV. Sebastian's pick was an early 2000's British comedy, "Coupling." It was a relationship sitcom with three men and three women who hang out in a local pub a lot. It was funny, dirty, and I loved it. We laughed through the evening until it was time to go to bed.

I took to the bathroom first. While I was gone Sebastian stripped down to his boxer briefs. He kissed me before ducking into the bathroom. I flopped over the bed to retrieve his t-shirt and put it on. It was long enough to cover me and I left the covers at the bottom of the bed. My text notification went off. Amy. We'd traded a couple of texts before Sebastian came out. I heard him make a low guttural noise when he saw me. I looked over with a smile and turned my phone toward him, "Amy. She's had a rough day. Katie has an ear infection."

"Ouch. Tell her I hope Katie feels better.”

I nodded, but that was something I couldn’t do. He crawled into bed beside me, shoving a couple of pillows behind him and unlocking his phone. Amy and I finished and I put my phone on the charger before scooting closer to the man in my bed. He stopped his typing to lift his arm. Once I was settled, he went back to typing. "What are you doing?"

"Gratitude journal."

"I tried that, but I couldn't come up with anything. I was writing things like red nail polish, deep conditioner, and toast."

The last one made him laugh, "Doesn't have to be anything big. If I’m having a bad day I can look back to see the good stuff and maybe do or find something to feel better. Toast is a lot more useful than walk on the beach." He kissed my head, "Look, here's today."

I read the words dessert, building security, and family. I said one out loud. "Building security."

"In case Ed comes after me." He scrolled back, "Here's the weekend we met." 

Friday said chocolate chips, first dates, Emma. Saturday was line dancing, holding hands, goldfish.  
Decent recovery time, condoms, linen closets were under Sunday. Those were the days on the screen.  
Every one was us. My name is in there. He's grateful for me. And he shared this part of him with me.  
I pointed to my name, "Me."

"Very grateful for you. Everything I wrote those days was really you. Just different words."

I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I pointed again, "Decent recovery time?" 

He smiled and raised an eyebrow, "I’m not as young as I once was." 

"I have no complaints."

"That's good to hear."

I had something serious to say, "Thank you, Bastian, for sharing your journal with me…" 

He said, “You're welcome” before I had finished.

"and saying you’re grateful for us. All of those are grateful for us. On day one you were grateful for us." He nodded but clearly didn’t understand. "I feel very special that we, that I take up those days. Thank you."

“Your acting like you didn’t know you were special to me." He was craning his neck to see my face.

That was the last thing I wanted him to believe. I ran my fingers over a spot in the middle of his chest, petting him, and shook my head, "No, I knew, I know. But seeing a list of simple little things . . . of us. I feel very lucky.” I looked down where I was touching him, fighting tears. I felt very lucky and thankful for him and it was pulling hard on my emotions.

If Sebastian noticed he didn’t say anything. I felt his fingers under my chin, turning my face up to his, “I’m the lucky one.” His lips touched mine in an incredibly soft kiss that grew more intense but stayed soft. He rolled over on top of me and his hand gripped my waist under his t-shirt. “You’re wearing my shirt.”

“I am.”

“I want you out of my shirt.” 

I woke up in the morning about a minute before my alarm went off. Sebastian was on his stomach with his arm over my stomach. Where he touched me was warm. I rolled to my side and kissed his perfect lips, "Time to wake up."

"Five minutes." He pulled the pillow out from under his head and put it over his head. 

I ran my hand along his back," Five minutes."

It was closer to ten when I got out of the shower. Sebastian had made the bed and was star fished across the duvet." How do you manage to be cute and sexy at the same time?" I kissed him upside down.

"Practice."

I dressed in a pink and white polka dot A-line sleeveless dress with a round collar that hit above my knee. My white sandals completed the sweet look. Sebastian was sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee when I came down the stairs.

A smile lit up his face, "First grade teacher day two. You look so cute." 

I pulled out the sides of my skirt and curtsied, "Thank you." I looked at the time, "We're early." I opened the refrigerator, "Do you want something to eat?"

I felt his warmth press behind me and his arms wrap around my stomach, "I do. You."

In a flash, he'd spun me around and his mouth was on my neck. He walked me backward, lifted me onto the breakfast bar, and started pulling up my skirt. "Lay back."

Sebastian's voice dripped with desire. I kept eye contact and lay back on the counter. He stayed locked on my eyes while he stripped off my panties and pulled me closer to the edge. I lifted my feet to the counter and spread my legs for him. His eyes left mine and focused on what I was showing him. He put his hands on my knees, ran them down my inner thighs, and spread me.

"Oh god." I arched my neck with the feel of his mouth on me. He neither teased nor rushed me. His tongue circled and lapped at my clit while his fingers moved inside me. Two weekends and he knew how to play my body. Knew how to lick and touch me to get me off or prolong the pleasure. He slid one of his hands up my body and I twined my fingers with his, holding on. "I'm coming." I moaned out his name, squeezing his hand as I came. He squeezed back.

I dropped my feet off the counter and stretched my arms out, holding onto the edges. Sebastian slipped my panties over my feet and up my legs. I reached out and he pulled me up before lifting me off the counter to set me back on my feet. He knelt to pull my panties the rest of the way up and straightening my skirt. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he stood and kissed him. "The things your tongue can do."

"If we talk about this, I'm going to start thinking about how responsive you are to me and thinking about your body. Then I'm going to get hard." He looked down, "Well, harder and we don't have time for that and it’s a long train ride where I can't take care of it myself."

I half growled half laughed. Thinking of him touching himself was going to haunt me all day. I stepped back, taking his hand, "Let's get out of here."

Sebastian drove to the train station. I hit shuffle on the "SING" playlist and we camped it up, even taking a lap around the parking lot before he pulled into the drop off lane. "Meet you around front."

We walked right into each other’s arms. I could feel his lips pressed to my head, "Another amazing weekend."

"Yeah, it was." I leaned back and we kissed. "Next weekend will be too."

He smiled with the slightest nod, "I'll talk to you later." He kissed me again before letting go. A few steps onto the sidewalk he turned, "Congrats on the win, again."

I blew him a kiss and watched him smile as he walked inside.

I smiled all the way to work. I fought the urge to go home, curl up around his pillow, and soak everything in. Soak him in. But I did not. I had a busy day and lying in bed daydreaming of sex with the man who said yes when asked if he was my boyfriend is not the way to be productive. He probably just went with it to get Drew to back off. Sebastian didn't mention it again. Neither did I. I am not the "let's define this” girl and we've known each other for a whole eleven days, but I did like when he said “yes”.

Doesn't matter what we call it. Doesn't change the feelings.

I made it through the first half of my day with a buck ass wild group of children. There were eight days left of school and they were excited. I wanted to tear my hair out. I took my lunch to Mallory’s room and decompressed with friends. They were having the same day I was. Mal brought up the tournament, "I wish I could have come."

I waved her off, "There will be more. Oh, remember that guy Drew I went out with a couple of times?" She and the ther teachers nodded. "He tried to pick a fight with my date. Everybody was drunk, but we're not in high school anymore. It was ridiculous."

"Go back to the date part."

I grinned, "His name is Sebastian. We met last weekend. He lives in the city and came back this weekend. I'm going to him next weekend."

"Is he hot?"

Cindy added, "Is the sex hot?"

"Both." I popped a grape in my mouth and wiggled my eyebrows. I picked up my tray, "Hot. Very, very hot."

My kids had gym today so I was hoping they would calm them down. Someone knew when I had planning and texted me.

Sebastian ~ If you woke up one morning with me going down on you... would that be a good thing?

I closed my eyes and winced. This is going to hurt.

Emma ~ Yes, a very good thing.   
Emma ~ How do you feel about waking up with me sucking your cook? 

If he's asking for permission I should too.

Sebastian ~ Hard. I feel hard. Thx 

Emma ~ FYI. If I were to wake up with you inside me... also good.

Sebastian ~ I did this to myself.

Even though I had volleyball practice tonight I headed straight to the gym. The kids’ behavior hadn't improved over the rest of the day and working out would release some of the tension in my muscles. Tension that most certainly was not present when I got to work.

When I got home from the gym, I set up my iPad on the breakfast bar. I smiled remembering what had gone on here this morning. I pulled out the salad I’d picked up on the way home and hit the button to call Ed. Harper answered, "Hey Sissy. I got awards for most improved reader and most friendly."

Her smiling face wiped away any leftover tension from the day. "That's fantastic, Harper. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Sissy, I'm going to go play." Poof. She was gone.

Ed's face showed up and he took a dramatic drink from a beer bottle. "Ok, I'm ready. Tell me about him."

I gave him the version between the one my teacher friends and Angie and Eli heard. More detail, but less sex. Besides the last two, Ed was the person I trusted most in the world. Even though he tipped the dial into overprotective I could tell him anything and trust him for an objective opinion. I called my parents if I wanted unconditional love (even if I was wrong) and Ed if I wanted the unvarnished truth. He'd been the first one to tell me Jimmy was cheating on me. Naturally, I didn't believe him. When I showed up in Hawaii after we broke up, he never said I told you so. He filled me with tequila, my favorite Kalua pig sandwich, and let me cry. The next day we sat on our surfboards far out in the water figuring out my next steps. I applied, interviewed, and accepted the long-term sub from a chaise by our pool.

After we'd gone back and forth for a while, he said, "I like how he treats you."

"Yeah, I do too." I took a breath, "He's different, Ed."

"That's because you like him. You've dated guys, but you haven't really liked someone since the fucking asshole."

I laughed. Ed never said Jimmy's name. He was The Fucking Asshole. More of a title than a name. “True, but still Sebastian is different."

"How?"

"He's kind."

"People think you're kind. You are kind." 

"I know." I thought a second. "He's real. Flawed. He owns it. We've talked about what's hard for him, what he struggles with. Like how he overthinks. When he told me what he was doing, where he was stuck, I knew how to make it better."

Ed took another drink of his beer, for thirst this time, not bracing himself. "I always prefer real people with real issues, no matter how messy. People who say they got nothing are liars or so unaware they're not worth the trouble." 

Very true. Those people just have issues that fuck you up when you’re least expecting. "When he’s working on a character, he does a lot of research. For Last Full Measure he read about Army vets, PTSD, battle fatigue. Bucky taught him about brainwashing, torture, and escape. He says his research affects him, he takes it in and it changes him, how he treats people." 

Ed was smiling, "I’m back to you really like him. You introduced him to me, after all."

"I did. I thought it would fun and it was." We both laughed. “I like how I feel with him. It’s not all about what he says or what he does. Part of it is I know that I make him feel good too.”

"Does Amy know?"

I clenched my teeth and hissed in a breath. "I'll be in Georgia in two weeks. I'll deal with it then. She’s been doing well, I guess we'll see."

'You know to call anytime."

"I do."

"Want to know what I've been doing all afternoon?" He didn’t wait for my answer. “Getting texts from your boyfriend with pictures and videos from the games. I told him you were snaking him with those shorts. They didn’t have to be that short, Emiliana."

"They worked." For the game and Sebastian. I ignored the boyfriend comment because Ed would just argue with me and I wasn’t sure he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Testing children in a mask is an exhausting pain in the ass. Haven't written all week.  
> Enjoy!


	42. Chapter 42

~*~Sebastian~*~

Today has not been ideal.

Sure, my day started well enough. Emma laid out on the bar while I went down her was a very good way to begin. The sexy texts during her planning period was fun. Ed didn't threaten to kill me while we were texting. I got a text from Chace letting me know he'd be in town the week Emma was in Georgia. And I’m pretty confident talking to Emma tonight will be good. However, since the rest of my day has been shit, I'm a little worried.

My train back into the city got stopped for who knows what reason. I was late getting to the gym. I wasn't the last to arrive and was in a good mood compared to others. The grocery didn't have the yogurt I wanted. Someone had either shit or vomited in the garbage can outside my building. I got stopped by a couple of fans, which isn't bad, but it was too close to my home. I don't care for that. Kirk didn't answer his phone and I remembered Will was out of town until tomorrow. I texted him asking if he could help me find something.

All of this was trivial, but it was making me whiny.

I think I miss her.

Maybe not miss her, but like the letdown, after you've done something fun. Like the day you get back from vacation or post-concert depression. That's probably more accurate.

No, I miss her.

I said yes when the blonde drunk asked if she was my girlfriend. Probably should have checked with her first. I Googled "When is she your girlfriend" mostly because I was bored and whiny. This turned out to be like when you check your symptoms and hours later you still have cancer. There were lists. Thirty-two signs she's your girlfriend and seven she isn’t. You've met her friends. She cooks for you. You do activities together. She's met your family. You look forward to seeing her. All your time isn’t spent in bed. You enjoy talking to her. You can ask anything.

Emma doesn’t know my friends, but I’m working on it. Also, found an incredible article that said you should have an idea by the seventh or eighth date. I started doing math. If every day is a date then were had eight dates. The next paragraph said, "But really it’s up to the couple."

I realize this is me overthinking.

I like the whole logical Google curated list of how to tell, but I think the best idea would be to have the relationship talk. Honestly, I don't have a problem having the relationship conversation. It’s just negotiating parts and deciding on a plot. Stalkers and people with relationship disorders have ruined "the talk" by inserting all sorts of shit into it. Bottom line: don't date other people and I get to call you my girlfriend. I know why I haven't brought up "the relationship." Because I've been too busy enjoying having one. Emma doesn't come across as someone who needs to define and label. It's not as if either of us hasn't been clear. I said it's not a long weekend thing. She said she was falling in love with me. Ok, not exactly those words. I may have added one. Doesn't change the facts or that it’s not just her.

Will texted back and I was going over to his place after the gym tomorrow. He sent something to the group chat with the guys and I laid on the couch going back and forth with them for a long time. Most of us were online, which happened more often than you might think. Anyone who wasn't would catch up later. This worked for us to keep up with each other's lives and tonight it was a fun distraction from my whiny assed mood.

Group chat got a hasty "gotta run" when FaceTime lit up my screen. I hit connect and smiled. She looked fresh from a shower with wet hair and a clean face. She had on a purple tank top. "Your eyes look very green with that purple tank. Beautiful."

"Thank you. You look tired."

I huffed out a breath, "Just a blah day. I’m kinda whiny. Seeing your pretty face is helping."

"Happy to help. What happened?" She shifted around and I could tell she was stretching out on her couch.

I told her the multitude of little things that had gone on today, leaving out my frustration with no one being in town. "Nothing major. As I said, I’m being whiny. Plus, I think I miss you."

"I've noticed a distinct lack of you today as well."

I laughed, "I like that. How was your day?"

Except for rambunctious children, she’d had a good day. I was glad. She had a good work out, her talk with Ed had been less inquisition and more fun, and volleyball practice had been short and turned into dinner with friends. They had a game Wednesday night and that was it.

We laid on the couch talking about everything and nothing until I saw her yawn.

~*~*~

I was in a much better mood in the morning. I got to the gym early and had run close to an hour before the others arrived. It was a heavy weight day and I felt strong throughout. When we were done, I was tired but felt good. I called Will on my way over and picked up some food. It was a little early for lunch, but we had some shit to do first. When Will answered the door I started laughing, "I'm so happy to see you."

"You too."

We hugged and I walked inside. Seeing him made me excited to talk about Emma. I'd talked to the guys at the gym, but a different level of friend. Very different. I wanted to tell someone important to me about how important I think she is. Being here is making me feel like I might explode. Why didn't I do this last week? I grabbed him for another hug, "So happy."

He laughed, "What the hell is going on?"

"Do you have pictures from Kirk’s wedding?"

He scratched his head, "Some." We headed toward his desk where his computer was set up. I grabbed a chair from the dining table, pulling it over. "What are you looking for?"

"Not a what. A who." Will’s laugh confirmed I had a big smile on my face.

Will moved the mouse to wake the screen. "Kirk put everything on a web site. That might be better. I saved the link. My girl looked hot."

I was thinking I bet mine did too. I reached over Will for control of the mouse and clicked through the gallery. I was looking for Emma, but also Eli's long hair. First time I thought I saw her was standing next to Eli. The shot was from behind. If it was her, she had her hair pulled up with the loose ends hanging in ringlets. Her dress was dark green. Another dozen clicks and I found her. The front of her. She held a glass of champagne talking with Kirk and Boone. I took my hand from the mouse and pointed, "Her."

Will pointed at her and looked at me, "Emma."

I mumbled, "Son of a bitch." I looked at my phone and saw she had about ten minutes left of her planning. I hit FaceTime and put the phone in front of both of us. Will looked confused. "Wait."

Emma's face popped up and she said, "Hey, Sebastian." She saw it wasn't only me. She looked a little surprised then said, "Will?"

I fell onto the floor and yelled, "Mother fucker."

They were both laughing and I heard Emma's voice, "I haven't heard that from him before."

Will said, "It's a favorite. How did this..."

He was cut off by Alissa coming into the room and standing over me, "What's going on?" I watched her look at the screen, "Oh hey, Emma. Sorry I missed girl’s night last time. Will, are you introducing them?"

"No, I think they took care of it themselves."

They both knew her. I yelled, "Shit", and flopped onto my stomach.

I heard Emma's voice again, "Is he having a temper tantrum?"

Will said, "No."

Alissa said, "Yes. Look." I was face down, but I assume she was showing Emma me. "Complete temper tantrum." Alissa’s phone rang, "I'll leave you to them. Next girl's night I'm there."

"Absolutely. Bye, Alissa."

I was never going to get off this floor.

"My kids are due back. Sebastian, I'll talk to you later. Will, good luck with him."

I yelled, "Bye, Em."

Will kicked me, "Get up, dumbass."

I crawled over to the couch, "How do you know her?"

"Oh no, no." Will joined me on the couch, "How do you know her?"

I wasn’t arguing. It would be faster this way. "She lives up where mom moved. I got lost looking for chocolate chips at the grocery. She helped me find shit. I asked her out to dinner."

"Of course, you did. The lost in the grocery part." He was chuckling. "I'm surprised you asked out a complete stranger. Did she know you were you?"

I shook my head, "Not until I introduced myself. Then she laughed." Will did too. "She'd just come from the gym. Maybe some mascara, hair in a ponytail, and gym clothes. She was beautiful and so kind to this lost crazy guy. Then went spent like nine hours sitting in a restaurant talking."

"Nine hours?" He shook his head, "Long time."

I glared at him, "Now, how do you know her?"

"I don't remember when I met her. It's been a long time. I'm sure it was a party or maybe one of Boone's gigs. She had a boyfriend. Then she didn't. She moved and hasn't been around as much. She always with Eli and his wife. I can't say I know her. She's always been nice and fun. Never heard anybody bitch about her. I think her boyfriend cheated."

I nodded as Alissa came back into the room. She spoke, "He cheated for months before she found out. Emma lived with Eli and Angie until she moved." She looked at me. "I've been out with her a bunch of times. She's a lot of fun. She’s kind, like you. I can see you two getting along."

"Why didn't either of you introduce us?"

Alissa looked at Will then me, "She had a boyfriend and then she moved."

Will added, "Several of us thought she was in a throuple with Eli and Angie."

I rolled my eyes and Alissa smacked the back of his head. "You did not."

"Yes, we did."

"You were wishing is more like it." She turned her attention back to me. "She wasn't."

"I know she wasn't."

Alissa came to me and kissed my cheek, "I'm excited for both of you."

Will stood and gave his wife a proper kiss, "I'II see you later, love you."

She smiled at him, "Love you too." She headed for the door, calling back, "Love you too, Seb."

"I love you." I watched the door close before looking back at Will. "I was going to be pissed if I'd done something stupid like saying no to being set up."

"I didn't. Maybe Kirk." I glared at him and he laughed. "Too bad you weren't at the wedding. She looked beautiful."

"Always does."

"Oh, you've got it bad." I nodded. "Tell me all about her." He held his hand up waved in.

I felt my smile forming, "I fucking adore her. She... ah..." I couldn't figure out where to start. "She has these green eyes and when she smiles she gets a dimple in her left cheek, just the one. Her hair is halfway down her back and feels like silk. The way she touches is delicate but strong. Sunday for over an hour she stroked my beard, just touching me. I would have let her do that forever, her fingers on my face." I tried to imitate on Will’s arm how she touches: the slow approach that becomes firm then eases away. "Something like that. We went to dinner, a walk by the river, she cooked dinner and we ate on her deck. We made Barbeque chicken sandwiches and this weekend she made biscuits and gravy for breakfast. We went to an art fair and got mom stained glass. I won a fish for her room. Did a haunted house and line dancing. Went to the gym, she helped mom moving stuff, and we had a Romanian dinner. This weekend was a volleyball tournament where her team kicked ass. The best part was she ignored me the whole game. I had to give her a good luck kiss between sets, but that’s it. She was all in the game. I loved that she ignored me."

Will added, "So maybe she won't take it personally when you ignore her."

"Yes.” Exactly why I loved her ignoring me. “And we've stretched out on the couch reading or watching TV showing each other our favorites. Even danced to some ABBA."

I’d just done some kind of core dump and I could see Will's head was swimming, "You're been busy. That’s a lot of shit. Why are you just telling me, this has been going on for weeks?"

"No, it hasn’t. I met her last Friday."

“You’ve spent all your time the last two weekends getting to know her.” He was looking at me funny. “Wow.”

“Wow?”

"Yeah, wow.” He made faces moving his lips back and forth "I mean... I want to tell you you've known her eleven days, you need to be careful." He laughed and grabbed my arm. “But I don’t know what you need to be careful of. I don’t think Emma gives a shit who you are. I think she's connected to music somehow. I don't know who, but I remember Kirk talking about some concert and Emma being the one to hook you up if you needed tickets.”

I knew exactly who the hookup was. I liked he was telling me to be careful. I let out a little laugh,  
"She doesn't care. She's curious about my job, but not in a weird voyeuristic way. I'm not even sure what movies she's seen."

Will smiled, "What a weird conversation. How do you start it, even? Hey baby, I was wondering which of my movies you've seen? Maybe rank them in order."

I cringed, "Might say more about her than me. I needed experience and money. What's her excuse for watching?" We shared a smile and I went on, "I get what you're saying. I appreciate it. I have only known her for eleven days. I’m ok. Hell, I'm a lot better than ok. It's really good. The talking, the sex, the feelings. It's all really good."

Recognition flared on his face. "I want to tell you to be careful because you're jumping in headfirst and I don't want you, my friend, to get hurt."

I don't get over relationships easy. Takes me awhile and with the help of friends. I hate seeing my friends hurting too. I put a hand on his shoulder, “Thank you." I shrugged, "At least I’m jumping in the deep end."

"Right in the deep end."

We moved to the table to eat and continue talking. I checked his schedule because he and Alissa joining in this weekend sounded fun. I'd told Emma I wanted her to meet my friends and since she, Alissa, and Angie knew each other this seemed natural.

Emma didn't have practice tonight so we were on FaceTime earlier. She was walking away from the kitchen when she answered, "Done with your tantrum?"

I held my thumb and forefinger an inch apart, "Just a little one."

"I can't believe the Will in your stories is Alissa's husband Will. I replayed the memories while I was on the treadmill. Did he give me a good character reference?"

Her giving me back my words made me warm, "Yeah, said you were kind, fun, and didn't give a shit who I was. Oh, and thinks you're connected to a musician because you got Kirk tickets to something. I didn't tell him who." I didn’t want her to think I would tell her secrets.

"Thank you, but you can. Not worried about privacy issues around your friends. Pretty sure your address on eBay would make more money than Ed's. Everyone knows where his house is."

I was startled, "How?"

"Some guy put the GPS coordinates on Reddit complete with Google satellite pics. Google has since blurred out the images and the realtor scrubbed the listing.”

"Nope," I was shaking my head, "no, no, no, no, no. What's somebody going to do, ring the bell and say, dude, wanna have a beer? How would anybody think that level of invasion of privacy is acceptable. Right up there with fans commenting hateful shit to my friends. Drives me fucking crazy. Used to. I called them out and now we keep a list and rank them. Still gets to me sometimes."

Her eyes got big, "I'm going to start a list of the wildly inappropriate sexual comments when you post a picture on Instagram."

I held up my hands and laughed, "You'll never be able to keep up. We both know I'm down for some dirty talk, but wow, they can make me blush. I barely skim comments anymore. I used to respond to some. I miss that, but the other got out of hand."

"What do you mean?"

"Whoever I responded to became a target like my friends."

"That's crazy."

"Exactly."

"We used to celebrate when someone got a follow or response. I'm sure there was jealousy, just not so public. I think the more time with social media the more people have taken advantage of the anonymity to say things they'd never say to someone's face."

I smirked, "Some say it in person." I’d fielded some pretty filthy propositions over the years.

"You gotta shoot your shot. I’ve seen it work at festivals. Hell, even a sign in the first rows. I don't think some of them understood what they were getting themselves into. The hotel bar isn't where you get a date."

"That's a grocery store!” I held my hands up like I’d scored a touchdown. Because I had. “Everyone knows the best place to pick up women is the grocery store baking aisle." At least it was for me.

"I'd heard, but didn't believe until a couple of weekends ago." We took a few seconds to just took at each other before Emma spoke again, "I talked to Angie today. They're free Saturday. What do you think about inviting Alissa and Will?"

"I was going to ask you about that. I know they're free."

"I do too!"

"Exactly how well do you two know each other?" I gave her a worried look and Emma responded as I wanted, with a smile that grew into a little laugh.

"Not well at all. We've been out together several times, but we've never talked outside of them. Angie and I thought we could order in, hang out at their place."

"Sounds good." I didn’t care what we did or where we did it. "Tell me about your day."


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter . . .

~*~Emma~*~

I remembered Will from a couple of parties and Kirk and Boone's wedding. Nice guy. Apparently, he and some of his friends thought I was the extra in a three-way with Eli and Angie. Eli didn't see a reason he should correct them. Angie invited Alissa out on one of our girls’ nights and she became one of the group. It had probably been six months since I’d last seen her. I liked her and we got along well. The friendship had never progressed past those nights. I can't remember if I met her before or after Jimmy and I broke up. Either way, I moved, and we only ever saw each other on nights out. Now I find she's married to one of Sebastian's best friends. We have at least three friends in common and our friends' group overlaps. Very cool, but very weird. Almost like we were supposed to meet.

Wednesday I got the photoshoot "before" picture about fifteen minutes before my kids arrived. Looked like Sebastian in the morning. Hair a little messy, a crease on his face from his pillow, and his eyes not quite awake. His beard had grown in more and I ran my fingers over it in the picture, knowing it would be gone in the after. I didn’t dislike either version. I was just used to the way I’d met him.

My aide took the kids to lunch and I went in search of my after. The first thing I noticed was his beard was trimmed super close, where it was long stubble, but it was still there. I guess they'd changed their mind. His hair was styled not that different than he did except every hair was in place and I was betting it was fixed where it wouldn't move. Makeup perfected his skin tone and somehow made his eyes even bluer. Maybe it was the dark blue robe he was wearing. It had been hours since he'd sent, but I still sent a text telling him how handsome he looked.

I grabbed my lunch out of my mini-fridge and headed down to Mallory's room. I'd made some pasta salad loaded with veggies while talking with Sebastian last night and was looking forward to eating. Our secretary was walking toward me with a bouquet of cookies. They were shaped and iced like crayons, rulers, apples, notepads, and glue. Outside of teacher appreciation week that usually signaled a parent had gotten pissed at a grade or consequence and sided with their kid. At least, until they got both sides of the story. Cookies were good apologies and could be shared with the other grade level teachers who were sure to know every word you said and the tone of voice you used.

"Who got yelled at this time, Jamie?" 

She lifted an eyebrow, "You."

"No one’s yelled at me." That meant they were from Sebastian.

"Then your new boyfriend sent cookies instead of flowers."

I laughed, "Good possibility." I took them from her. "Take one for you and Kim."

"I was hoping you'd say that. They smell delicious."

I walked into Mallory's room with my healthy pasta salad and not at all healthy cookies. "I brought dessert." Our lunch group made appreciative noises.

Cindy laughed, "Who's parent did you piss off?"

I shook my head, "No one."

Mallory snatched the card while my hands were full, "I believe these are from the new man." I went ahead and sat down, trusting the card would be G-rated. Mallory read, "Halfway into the last full week. Hope this helps you all make it through. Sebastian." She looked to me, "Sebastian? That's a mouthful."

"Yes, he is."

Before we dug into the cookies, I had everyone take one and gather together. I'd send the picture as a thank you. They'd heard about him Monday after the tournament and I talked more about him today. I wasn't ready to share him yet. I was a little surprised word hadn't traveled from the tournament, but I guess there wasn't enough overlap. Outside of my team, where I worked wasn’t common knowledge. This was an advantage of not working and living in the same school district. If there was gossip it was more than likely identifying me as the setter on that team than a teacher. The moment his last name entered my school it would be a topic of conversation in all three buildings. I don't know exactly what that would mean. I'd been here four years and it was common knowledge where I went over winter break. Ed may eclipse Sebastian, but not when you throw Marvel in the mix. We have superhero day during our anti-drug week. I see the Marvel costumes and t-shirts. There'd be a lot of talk. Once the kids were gone, I’d feel more comfortable sharing who this new man is. The kids could make this a zoo.

Mallory, Cindy, and I were the last left. Cindy asked, "Will we ever meet this Sebastian? See a picture." 

"I’m sure." I smiled, "We haven't known each two weeks yet. It's good and I'm protecting the new relationship like you do a new kitten. It needs to grow a little more."

Mallory agreed, "You know the Barbie Bitches at the high school are going to want all the details." 

I did know that. "I’m not ready to share."

Cindy took our trash to the cafeteria while Mal and I cleaned up the tables. We sat down to finish our drinks, stretching out our break as long as possible. Her kids coming into the room was my cue to head back to my room as mine would be a few minutes behind them. It wasn’t quite time yet.

My text alert went off with a picture of Sebastian. I reached for my phone, but not so quick that Mallory didn’t see. Her eyes went wide and I held up a finger, “Give me one minute and I'll show you.” He was wearing a dark blue suit, with an unbuttoned white shirt, and an untied bow tie. He looked amazing and about two seconds away from sex. I put my hand over the screen and pushed it toward Mal, "Can I trust you to tell no one. I'm not ready for this to be here." 

Mal put her hand over mine, "You know I'm not telling anyone. If that's who I think it is, the kids finding out will make Field Day crazy. Too much unstructured time to gossip and ask you questions." She started lifting her hand, "Let me see."

I moved my hand from the phone to my mouth.

Mallory looked at the picture a long time before she said, "Yep, that’s a Sebastian. Damn, Emma, you met him," she tapped my screen, "in the grocery?"

I nodded.

"Now I really wish I would have come to volleyball. Although, I probably would have just stared." 

"No, you wouldn't. A few minutes and you would see he's like anyone else. Nothing special." 

She grinned, "Except to you." Her kids started coming into the room. 

I stood, "Except to me." 

As I headed to the door she called out, "We're sitting in the back at faculty meeting."

Sebastian had sent another picture by the time recess rolled around. He was in black jeans and a t-shirt a least one size too small.

Emma ~ Might have to cut you out of that shirt. This is not a complaint.

Sebastian ~ It was stretchy. 

Emma ~ How is it going?

Sebastian ~ Good. I'm sitting in a chair having my hair changed. 

Emma ~ What are they doing to it? 

Sebastian ~ Making it look like it did when I got here. Apparently, people sleep in very expensive watches. I' II be done soon. No tommorow.

Emma ~ What will you do with the unexpected free time?

Sebastian ~ Clean my apartment.

Emma ~ I was going to say you don't have to, but you do. Ha Ha, the first time at least.

Sebastian ~ Exactly. I’m pretty neat. Bathroom is a wreck.

Emma ~ Bathrooms always need cleaning. I have to run. Argument on the monkey bars.

Sebastian ~ Talk to you later.

It would be Thursday night before we talked. Real-life set in. I had a volleyball game Wednesday night and Sebastian went out for drinks with the photographer once the shoot was over. I got home and was exhausted. We lost. I don't like to lose.

Thursday during the day there were no texts. My guess is he got home late and drunk. Overslept. Busy at gym. Returns home to sleep off the night before. I was driving home when a call from Sebastian came in.

"Buna ziua, Sebasti-an.” 

“Ce mai faci?” 

Thankfully he kept it simple. “Bine, tu?” 

Sebastian switched to English. “I broke my phone. I pulled it out to text some woman, got elbowed by a guy on the sidewalk, and threw my phone on the ground. Screen shattered and I held it in my hand watching it slowly die. It just glitched and sputtered away in front of me."

"My poor, baby. Are you mourning the loss?" 

"Nope, an hour in an Apple store and I have a shiny new iPhone. They were able to transfer my data over. Good as new. That's why you hadn’t heard from me."

I smiled, "I thought you were sleeping one-off."

"I barely drank. Too much to do today. Sheets changed, bathroom clean, kitchen has some food, and the family room is clean. When are you going to be here?"

"I got permission to leave a little early. I’ll definitely make the three o’clock train, but I’ll try and do the two. If that's ok with you?"

“I'm not going anywhere after the gym. I'll be here waiting."

"I'm excited. Seeing you. You with my friends and your friends. It’s going to be fun."

"It is."

Just to be sure. "Most excited about you."

"I like hearing that."

I set my alarm a little early to give myself time to finish packing. I’m not normally an over-packer, but I couldn't decide on a dress for dinner. Or anything else. Insane. At least today wasn't a theme day I need to wear a costume for. I wore a pair of black capris and a bright pink top with rolled sleeves and a long zipper up the front. Up for school, a little less so for Sebastian.

First text of the day.

Sebastian ~ Are you here yet?

I had nothing but fun things planned for the day. Yesterday I'd had them vote for their favorite books and we read those at the top of every hour. We played math games, a science and social studies game show, and our top music and movement videos. I ate my lunch getting the STEM Lab cart and prepped everything for my assistant. The kids had been wonderful all day and I didn't feel the least bit guilty when I fled the building when she took them outside for recess.

I waited until I was safely on the train to text Sebastian.

Emma ~ On my way

Sebastian ~ Early!

Emma ~ I’ll beat the worst of the traffic

Sebastian ~ Exactly what I was thinking.  
Sebastian ~ I should shower.

I put in my ear pods, clicking shuffle on my "Current Faves" playlist. This one changed all the time. Some never left the list. Recently there'd be an influx of happy love songs and sexy mood music. I think I even dozed off a couple of times. The closer I got the more butterflies were in my stomach. I was excited to see him, but a little nervous. I was going to his place. It would be different than surrounded by my stuff. I’m nervous about stupid stuff like where do I put my toothbrush, is it ok to look through the books in his extra room, what I do with my dirty clothes, and what if I get thirsty in the middle of the night? It's making me think back and wondering if I'd made him welcome... comfortable.

I took a cab from the train station, looking out the window at the city I used to call home. I wasn't familiar with where he lived so I watched the numbers on the buildings. His building from the outside looked like an old converted warehouse. The brick was red with a gray stone line between every floor. Looked about seven floors. He'd texted me the entry code and I hopped on the elevator to the fifth.

Sebastian opened his door so fast it was like he was standing beside it and I almost fell over. He was barefoot in ripped jeans and a Rutgers t-shirt. He held the door open with a hand high on the door. Add in the finger styled hair, bright blue eyes, and a smile that said he was happy to see me and he was the sexiest thing I'd ever laid eyes on. It was the barefoot part that got me. "I'm here."


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter nearly killed me. Sexy, hot, sweet . . .  
> Enjoy

~*~Sebastian~*~

By my calculation, Emma should be here any minute. I'd texted her my entry code, which left me to pace in front of the door like a caged lion. It was our first time at my place and I was excited and anxious. I wanted her to like it and more importantly to feel comfortable. It’s weird at first when you’re in someone's home. You don't know the rules, for lack of a better word. Like how I followed her lead taking my shoes off and putting them in the tray that lined the entryway. We'd cooked dinner so I was used to digging around her fridge looking for things. Also made it easy to make sure I had her favorite yogurt in mine. I'd dug out a luggage sling so her stuff didn’t have to be on the floor. And I made room in my closet for the dress she'd be wearing to dinner. I was excited about having her things here. There was going to be jewelry on my dresser, her hair products in my shower, and makeup by the mirror. I wanted to see her see mixed in with me. I felt comfortable in her place. I can already notice shifts in her mood and if she’s feeling strange here, hopefully, I'll pick it up and can fix whatever is wrong. Or she'll just tell me. Oh, the big thing I did was upgrade my sheets. Her's had been amazing and I bought a set in a different style and sheen, but the same thread count.

There was a knock on my door. I jumped with the noise and almost dove for the door, jerking it open. Emma had on form-fitting black capris, a pink top with a zipper I was going to enjoy playing with, and pink sandals. Her hair was in tight curls hanging over her shoulder with makeup that accentuated not covered her. When her green eyes got to me, I lost my breath. Her eyes sparkled and she said, "I’m here."

I pulled her suitcase through the door before reaching for her, "Get in here."

Emma's hands touched me first. My stomach and straight up over my chest. Her arms wrapped around my neck as my hands touched her waist, guiding her closer. Her smile up close was even better, "Hi."

"Hi." I moved my hands up her back and kissed her. Finally. She'd been here way too long for me not to have kissed her. The taste and feel of her tongue was sweet and I relaxed into her.

Her fingers went into my hair and she pulled away, darting closer to capture and lick my bottom lip. "You are the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

I took a hand from her back and trailed my fingers through her hair, before laying it on her face. I ran my thumb over her bottom lip, "I’m glad jeans and a t-shirt do it for you."

She pulled my thumb into her mouth circling her tongue around the digit. "It's the bare feet." She sighed and slid the hand not in my hair around my back and onto my ass. "Opening the door looking like this is lethal." She shrugged, "To me anyway."

Compliments from her feel... more. I feel warm all over. I kissed the side of her neck, "Thank you." I moved my mouth to the other side of her neck, placing my open mouth over just the right spot and using the tip of my tongue to make the hand on my ass grab on. "I like you here already." I went back to her mouth, kissing her deeper.

Emma's fingers honed in on the spot on my side that was directly wired to the pleasure center of my brain. And my cock. "I like being here."

I could tell. Her breathing was off. I felt her touch my skin, fingers under my shirt. "I said I wasn't going to attack you the minute you walked through the door."

She sucked my earlobe between her lips, "Said to who?"

"Myself."

Emma pulled back and looked at me, her face was amused. "Why did you tell yourself this?"

I bit my lip, letting it slowly slip free. The side of my mouth curved into an embarrassed smile, "I don’t want you to think this is all about sex."

The hand that had been in my hair was now on my cheek. “Sebasti-an, ești minunată.” <You're amazing.>

I think she's going to kill me with these little short Romanian sentences she keeps learning just to use my name.

"I don't think this is about sex. " She pressed her lips to mine. "I think we're in the can't keep our hands off each other phase of something new. I like that you want me as much as I want you."

I closed my eyes to let that last sentence sink in.

"It's never been all about sex." She started to kiss me again but stopped right before contact. "Take me to bed."

"Or lose you forever?" I took her hand and led her toward my bedroom.

She laughed behind me, "Nothing quite so dramatic, you big stud."

I was so thankful she got the movie reference. I stopped inside my bedroom and pulled her close, wrapping our joined hands around her back, my other hand going back to her face, "I don’t want to fuck this up."

"I won't let you if you don't let me."

Fuck. The look on her face. “Esti cel uimitor.”

She looked confused and was thinking, "No idea."

"You’re the amazing one.” We starting kissing and touching again. I went for her breast, squeezing and rubbing my thumb over her nipple. I remembered her shirt had a zipper and pulled that down where I could feel around and pop the clasp on her bra. I lowered my head to take her in. I loved how tight her nipple got in my mouth and the way she fisted my hair when I sucked her. I only stopped because she was pulling my shirt over my head. Once that was gone, I went back to what I was doing on the other breast. I put a hand between her legs, pressing my fingers into her. Emma's nails dug in my shoulder and I moved back a little to barely tease her nipple with my tongue and looked up at her watching me. I kept rubbing between her legs as I stood, "I want to do that between your legs." I went for the zipper on her pants, but there wasn't on in the front or back. That was frustrating, "How do I get you out of these damn pants?"

Emma laughed, "Side. Other side."

I shook my head while I managed the side zip and pushed them down her legs, "Laughing at me while I'm trying to do dirty things to you."

"You're adorable when you're frustrated."

"You should wear fewer frustrating clothes." I walked her backward. When her legs hit the bed, she sat down and reached for me. She hooked the waistband of my jeans and pulled me forward, placing open-mouthed kisses on my stomach while she ever so slowly worked the button, zipper, and pushed my jeans over my ass. I took them the rest of the way while she stripped herself of her shirt and bra.

I put my hands on the bed next to her hips and kissed her, our tongues tangling as I pushed her back.

Kissing her might be my favorite thing to do on earth.

I kept up the kissing while she touched me. Sometimes the palms of her hands caressed my back, other times her fingers, or her nails. When she grabbed my ass and tried to pull me to her, I backed away, kissing her neck. "I want inside you. With my tongue."

She was up on her elbows as I moved lower. "Then I can suck your cock?"

I looked up and nodded, "Then you can do whatever you want with my cock."

She sighed, "Fine." She threw her arms out to the side, "Do what you must."

I kissed right above her belly button, "I'll try and make it quick." I pushed her legs apart and kissed her inner thigh.

"No, don't rush on my account."

I laughed and used my thumbs to spread her wide. I needed room to work. The first taste of her sent a shock through both of us. Her hands tightened, bunching up in my quilt. I flipped her clit back and forth, up and down, and sucked her.

"Oh fuck, Bastian."

Bastian already? I don't usually get called Bastian until later. Wait. Oh no, she's not coming this quickly. I kissed her inner thigh again, rubbing my stubbly cheek against her skin, "Are you close?"

"Yes..." She squirmed and tried to get my attention back where she wanted it.

"Not yet, baby. I’m not done." I kissed and licked everywhere except her clit to keep her feeling good, but not good enough to come. When her breathing calmed down and her grip on the covers loosened I went back to her clit and slid my fingers inside her. I was rewarded with her fingers in my hair. I like her touching me while I go down on her. It's affectionate and pulling my hair is great positive reinforcement. I held her butt in my hands, controlling the contact even more. I could press in tight to lick her completely or back away for soft teasing surface tastes. I made room again and burned my face in her going hard, wanting to hear her. I wanted her ready to lose it. Her hands fisted my hair and she told me, "So close, Bastian, so close," was when I back off again. I move up a little to give her breast more attention while my fingers played between her legs. My fingers weren’t precise, just enough to not go backward.

Emma’s voice was breathy and tinged with frustration, "Sebastian, how long are you going to do this to me?"

"How much more you think you can take? All you gotta do is tell me when you've had enough."

“I don't know, but it’s not enough yet."

Something occurred to me, "You ever done this before.? " I circled her clit "Teased and denied. Edging.”

“No."

Huge turn on. Taking her somewhere new. Amazing that I didn’t come right then. I’m going to fight not to while I’m taking care of her. "Then let’s see what you can take. We're at three. Let's see if I can get you to five.” I focused on tongue fucking her with an occasional slip of my tongue upward to tease her clit, then back to tongue fucking her. It was the tongue fucking when she made me stop. I moved up and kissed low on her belly. When she'd calmed, I went back to long licks all the length of her and teasing kisses everywhere except her clit. I'm guessing that part of her body isn't going to tolerate much more.

Emma started making these whimpering noises, "Bastian, I want to come."

I immediately backed away to just nuzzling against her, "This is five. Four times I've got you there and slowed you down. If you wanna come this time, I’ll get you there. You're going to come so hard, baby. You wanna wait or you wanna come?"

Emma lifted her head to look at me, "I wanna come, Bastian, make me come, please."

The “please” got me. I went directly to her clit sucking her between my lips and humming against her. My fingers stroked inside her. I could feel the different patch of skin and focused there.

Emma held onto my forearm and was squeezing her breast. "So good, baby." Her breath caught then stuttered out. "Oh god."

It was starting. She got multiple stops to work up to this. She’s got to be wound tight. I put my hand low on her stomach working with the ones inside her. My tongue worked her and she was squirming into what I was giving her. Her stomach started to shake. That built to include her shoulders I just kept up what I was doing. Another few seconds and she was panting for breath. I pushed deep inside her and sucked her clit. Emma came up off the bed, back arching, and saying my name in every form over and over. Finally, she sucked in a breath and let out a very loud, "Oh my god!"

She collapsed back onto my bed and started laughing. Amazing, joyful, uncontrollable laughter. Never had this happen before and not completely sure what’s going on. I know she had a very hard orgasm, she's lost control, and I'm pretty fucking proud of myself. Don't know my next move here. I kind of don't want to interrupt, but I also want in on the fun. I moved my hand under her knee and ran it up to her hip. She sat up, leaning back on her hands, and the laughing subsided a little. Her eyes met mine and her laugh turned a little evil, "Stand up."

I obeyed, slowly backing up and standing by the edge of the bed.

Emma moved to her knees and came to the edge of the bed. She grabbed the back of my head and kissed me. Hard. Intense. I let her have control and went with it. When she backed off the kiss, her hand wrapped around my cock and slowly stroked me. "Dear god, Sebastian."

I smiled, trying not to look smug, "You're welcome."

Emma threw her head back and laughed again. "You earned that self-satisfied smile. And thank you."

She looked down where she held me. "Now I get to do whatever I want with this?"

I don't know if it was her words or her hand, but a shock of pleasure zipped through me. My voice cracked, "Whatever you want."

She backed up and laid down on her stomach. I watched her tongue lick the tip of me then make larger and larger circles until she slid her mouth down my shaft. The visual was almost too much so I closed my eyes, "Feels good, Emma."

Emma hummed appreciatively, which made me shiver. I kept my eyes closed until I felt a little more in control. When I opened my eyes, I moaned at what I saw. Emma stretched out across my bed, legs a little spread, and her feet in the air crossed at the ankle. She's laying there like she's reading a book on the beach, but she's licking and sucking my cock. Sucking my cook while I have the perfect view of her naked back and her incredible ass.

I had to stop this if I wanted to be inside her. I leaned to the side and grabbed a condom out of the nightstand. I ran my hands down the long stretch of her back before pushing her shoulders as I pulled my hips back. I squatted down and kissed her, "Don't move."

I walked around to the other side of the bed, took her feet to uncross her ankles, and pulled her a little back where her head wasn't going to be hanging off my bed. I crawled over her, kissing the bottom curve of her ass, the base of her spine, the middle of her back, between her shoulder blades, and finally the back of her neck.

Emma reached behind her, her hand on my lower back, "I want you."

I sucked the curve where her neck and shoulder met, "I want you, too." I moved back and held onto her hips, "Raise up a little for me, baby."

She raised her hips and tilted her hips up. I ran the head of my cock through her wetness and started pressing inside her. She was so slick and warm, tight as I buried myself. My hips pressed against her ass and I laid over her, lacing my fingers with hers and holding them close to her shoulders. I kissed the back of her neck and over to her ear, "You feel so fucking good."

"You're so deep like this."

Her sigh when I pulled out and pushed back in confirmed that was a good thing. I held her tight, slowly thrusting into her, laying my head on her shoulder. Her skin under my cheek and the feel of her ass against my stomach had me needing not slow anymore. I pushed up on my hands to get more leverage and to pick up the pace.

"Fuck, yes." Emma held onto the edge of my mattress and twisted her neck to see me, her mouth open to breathe, "Keep doing that."

"As long as I can." That made her laugh and she tightened around my cock. "Oh shit, don't do that, or I'll come."

As good as this felt I realized I wanted to see her when I came. I pulled out, nudging her hip to get her to turn over. I pulled her to the edge of the bed and lifted her legs to rest on my chest before entering her again. She squeezed her thighs together, making my way tighter and adding more friction. I kissed the ankle on my shoulder and wrapped my arms around her legs to get where I could control the scene. Emma reached for my arms holding on and trying to change my speed. She wanted faster and I was working up to it. The change of angle and tightness was good slow until something clicked in and I went full-on banging. Her fingers worked down my arm and held on, "Harder, Seb. Fuck me harder. Finish us both."

That got my attention, "You gonna go again."

"I think so. A little help from you I think."

"I can do that.” I licked my thumb and placed it against her clit, rubbing at the same pace and intensity as we fucked. I was getting very close. "Babe."

She nodded, "A little faster, almost, fuck yes…Sebastian…"

I felt her walls tighten around me and held on. I wanted to ride those waves before letting go. Once she relaxed, I immediately picked up the pace slamming hard and fast into her, with my arms wrapped around her legs, keeping her tight and close. "Fuck, I’m gonna come. Come so deep inside your beautiful body." My face tensed and that spread quickly, reaching my cock and triggering my orgasm. I yelled out something that might have been a word. I dropped Emma's legs and laid over her, going back into intense kissing and being wrapped in her arms.

"Fucking amazing."

She brushed my hair back, "Completely."

I rolled over onto my back and tossed the condom into the trash can on the far side of my nightstand. I grabbed her hand, holding it between us on the bed, our breathing heavy and loud. I chuckled. No idea why except this had been fun. Emma laughed. Then we were both laughing. Emma climbed over me, straddling my waist, and pinning my hands by my head before kissing me. "Your tongue dangerous. I could not stop laughing. No control."

"Never caused a laughing orgasm before."

"Never had one."

I went to move my hands and she tightened her hold. "Do you want me to stay like this or try to get away? I'm good with either."

"I don't think you'd have to try too hard. I like your strength. How you can just grab my legs and pull me where you want me. I feel small when you do that."

I’m noticing a theme. "This is the second time you've said something about not feeling small. What exactly do you think you are?"

I let her keep me pinned while we talked because I liked it. Emma smiled, "I have grown to love my body. I used to hate it. My thighs, arms, and shoulders. And I’m taller than most girls. I've never been the girl you sweep off her feet, literally. I’m the tall athletic volleyball player not the tall thin girl with a thigh gap."

"Are you just saying it out loud or can I give my opinion? Please." I wanted to give an opinion. I have some experience with body image issues.

"You can speak."

"You’re strong. Your muscles are long and lean. You have curves in the best places." I lifted my head to look down her body. "Your ass is great."

"Are you an ass man?"

"Not really." I smiled and raised my eyebrows, "Wanna know what I like?" She nodded and eased down on me, letting up the pressure on my hands. I took one back and trailed my fingers down her back, an inch to the side of her spine. "I like skin. I like the long stretch of your back." I ran my hand along the bottom her left butt cheek, "There's a freckle right here. I want to kiss or bite every time I see it." I kissed her smile and rolled over where she was on her back with me on my side. Hooking her leg with my foot I nudged it to the side and stroked high on her inner thigh. "Right here is soft but firm, smooth, and warm against my lips." I put a hand on her hip and leaned over her to kiss right below her ribs. "And these three freckles." I kissed each one. "While not exactly the same place as my most sensitive spot, its close enough to intrigue me." I laid my hand on the flat of her stomach and kissed between her breasts, cutting my eyes up to hers, "Self-explanatory." She smiled at me and slid her fingers into my hair, leaving them there as I kissed her. "I like skin. Your skin."

"Thank you." She pulled me closer and kissed me.

I had a thought, "Oh, as for sweeping you off your feet. I remember having no problem holding you up and nailing you to the wall."

Emma's reaction was immediate. Her cheeks turned red and she started laughing. "You're incorrigible."

I laughed, "You're just so damn cute."

She looked at me and shook her head, twining our fingers, "Speaking of last weekend. I was drunk and can’t remember if I thanked you a not for the Drew thing. I knew you were there, but you let me handle him."

Good. That's what I’d been going for. "I didn't think you needed saving, but was available if you did."

"You did exactly what I needed. Support." I got another kiss. "Thank you.”

I nodded and considered if I should say the next words and open up a can of words. The decision is yes, opening the can. "Should we talk about the other thing?" The way she was looking at me was either she didn’t remember or wasn’t sure I did. "The part when he asked if you were my girlfriend and I said yes."

Her face opened up, "Oh, I didn't read into it. It was the easiest answer to de-escalate."

"Should we have the talk?" I emphasized “the”. Everyone knows what “the talk” is.

"We can have the why I don’t need to have the talk talk."

I rested my head on my hand, looking down on her, "OK, I’m listening."

"We've been dating for two weeks and I’m comfortable where we are. I like you and you like me. There’s the definition I need. The rest will” she thought for a moment, looking for a word, “evolve."

I understand the words, but I completely disagree with her. We're about to have our first disagreement. "I disagree. I don’t need to have the conversation. I want to. There are some things I want you to know and I want to know about you." She was smiling, so I went on. "I'll start. I've had four serious relationships differing lengths of time from six months to two years. Last one was over two years ago. No girlfriend after her. Some dates, a few short-lived things, and I had a friend with benefits. She called me the day after I got back from the weekend we met. I told her I was seeing someone, and we couldn’t see each other anymore. We hadn't been together in four months." I smiled, "And you, Emma, are the only person I’m dating. Or want to date."

She picked up my pause and started talking. "I have had two serious relationships. The first lasted about nine months. The next was Jimmy for about four years. That ended almost four years ago. I have not had a boyfriend since then. Dated a couple of guys. No friends with benefits, but I do have a very high-end vibrator."

Well, there was something I didn’t know. "We'll need to revisit that last one."

"I bet we will," she mumbled.

Fuck yeah, we were, but there was more important shit going on right now. I asked, "Are you seeing anyone besides me?"

"No." She smiled a little, almost shy. "Don't want to. I liked when you said yes, but I didn't want you thinking I was running around telling people you were my boyfriend."

I interrupted before she could go on, "Why?"

"We'd known each other a week. Maybe not long enough for you to know I'm not a clingy insecure woman who needs to know what everything means."

I was amused, "Took me three days to kiss you. I knew you weren't either of those things."

Emma laughed, "Yeah, I guess " She looked like she was thinking and I waited. "I know what's going on with us. We've talked about it."

She looked frustrated. She was the one overthinking this time. I put my hand on her face and kissed her. Soft, slow, and thoroughly. I hoped the kiss would get her out of her head, focus her. "Stop trying to filter. Just tell me."

"We hadn't talked labels and I don’t want you to feel pressured or think I need that. I didn't want to scare you away. I like having you around."

"You didn't want me to think you were jumping ahead." I’m ignoring the bit about scaring me away because when I think of all the different emotions involving her, scared isn’t in the top twenty. Plus, when scared does show up it’s me being scared that she’ll get scared away by some article, interview, fan, or realization what a pain in the ass being with me is.

“Wow, you summed that up well." Now she looked annoyed.

"When I said yes, did you think I was jumping ahead?"

"No. I liked it in a very teenage girl sort of way."

"That's good." I nodded and started to smile. "Because neither of us dating anyone else, not wanting to, acknowledging we really like each other, and we want to see where this relationship goes …" I shrugged and moved my head from side to side with a frown, "Kinda means you are my girlfriend."

Emma turned onto her side, running her fingers down my side, over the spot that makes me shiver, "I guess that is the definition." She kissed me the same way I had her. She stayed close and met my eyes, "I haven't had a boyfriend in a very long time."

"I won't let you fuck it up."


	45. Chapter 45

~*~Emma~*~

We laid in his bed kissing, cuddling, and talking until we needed to get ready for dinner.

Sebastian was going to shower while I used my travel steamer on the two dresses I'd brought. “Oh yeah!” He pulled me over to his closet, “I made some room so you could hang up whatever you needed.” The look on his face was adorable. “Excited to see your stuff mixed in with mine. Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you.” I kissed him, feeling instantly stupid for the silly things I’d been worried about on the train. Room in his closet wasn't the only space he was making for me. There was a place in his toothbrush holder where mine would fit. If I got thirsty, I'd just go look around the kitchen and find something to drink. He'd pulled out a luggage rack so I could just put my dirty clothes underneath. And he wanted to show me his favorite books. All of my silly fears disappeared with being here and realizing he not only want me here but wanted me part of his space.

The sex... with confidence I can say this was the best sex of my life. No man had ever been so attentive to me feeling good, not just the goal of orgasm, me feeling good. Sex is so fun with him. Hot, intense, amazing, and just so fucking fun. He plays my body like he's known me for much longer than two weeks. I’m very well taken care of. I think I take care of him as well, but I have ideas. 

I’d washed and curled my hair this morning. I wrapped it in a towel when I jumped in the shower. My plan, especially after him talking about how much he liked skin, was to wear it up. His comments made my dress choice easy. When I came out of the bathroom, he was dressed in a pair of charcoal blue pants and was rolling up the sleeves on a light pink dress shirt. He glanced over with a smile. I felt the butterflies in my stomach. There was something intimate in getting ready, dressed up, together. I walked over and ran my hand over his shoulder, “You look very handsome.”

“Thank you.” He leaned in and kissed me softly. “I’ll be out of your way in a minute.”

“You’re not in my way. You’re welcome to stay.”

He shook his head quickly and looked appalled, “Hell no. I like seeing the finished product walking toward me.”

“I’ve noticed this.” I grabbed my makeup bag and stepped back into his bathroom, leaving the door open. “I enjoy your reaction.” I was thinking of the one where he lifted me onto the breakfast bar and went up my skirt.

I think he knew. “I bet you do.” He came over and leaned against the bathroom door. He was quiet for a minute, watching me put on makeup. “I like this too.”

Meeting his eyes in the mirror, I shrugged one shoulder, “Now you have a decision to make.”

He wrapped his arm around my stomach and waited for me to look over so he could kiss me, “See you when you’re ready.” His hand trailed over my butt as he walked away.

No matter what I was doing it never took me that long to put on makeup. Honestly, part of why I don’t wear a lot of makeup is because I’m really bad at it. I’m fine with the basics. It took Angie hours to teach me how to do a cat eyeliner. I did wear false eyelashes once, but Angie had to put them on me. Anytime I’ve needed to go all out I just scheduled an appointment or had someone come to me. Tonight, I went a little more dramatic. I excel at doing my hair. The thought made me laugh out loud. I twisted and secured my hair with a clip that would be invisible under the hair that hungover. After putting in my favorite earrings, small gold hoops with a diamond drop, I nodded to the mirror, satisfied. My dress was a deep wine color modified A-line with an off the shoulder bateau neckline and cap sleeves. The sleeves turned into wide straps in the back and crossed, leaving a triangle of bare skin on my lower back. It hit a little above my knees. From the front, it looked simple, but the X of the straps on the back upped the sexiness with it cut deep between my shoulder blades and the strip of bare skin lower. Underneath I wore a deep green strapless bra and g-string with double straps.

I slipped on a pair of black heels and headed out to meet my date, the click of my heels on his wood floors announcing my approach. Sebastian was leaning against the window sill on the far side of the room with his hands holding onto the brick on either side of him. He didn’t move, watching me walk the distance to him. His eyes caressed me and the curve of his smile said he liked what he saw. I stopped impossibly close to him. He leaned in, laying his cheek against mine, “Emma, ești atât de frumoasă.” He kissed my lips as he moved back.

I knew what he’d said. You’re so beautiful. “Mulțumesc, Sebasti-an.”

“How hard is going to be for me to get your hair down? Cause I want to do the thing."

"The thing?"

"The thing where I let your hair down and it falls over your shoulders. And me."

"One clip."

"Perfect."

We kissed again and I used my thumb to wipe the smudge of lipstick off his mouth, “Ready to go?” He nodded and I took his hand, turning my back on him to lead him to the door.

I heard a quiet groan from behind me. Exactly the reaction I was looking for. Before we got to the door he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back against him, “I left out my favorite stretch of skin earlier.” He left wet kisses along the slope of my neck from right below my ear to halfway across my shoulder. “I admit it’s partly because of the smell of your perfume and the way you turn your head and I can see the dimple in your cheek as you smile. It’s also very close to here.” He sucked the back of my neck.

“Sebastian,” I said his name very quietly. His mouth on the back of my neck was a threat to us not making it out of the apartment.

He laughed, “Exactly why.”

We made it out the door, into the cab, and all the way to the restaurant with nothing more than holding hands. The restaurant was on the upper west side on a block of townhouses tucked away in a cellar. If you didn’t know where it was, you’d never find it. Sebastian led me to an old metal staircase with rose petals on the treads and I was questioning why he’d picked here. My doubts were erased when we walked through the door. I felt like we’d stepped from Manhattan into another world. The rustic space was lit by nothing but candles. Not matching sconces, every one was different. Tables, chairs, and cushions were the same mismatched style with deep jewel tones. As we were led to our table, I looked at all the intimate spaces that had been arranged. We walked through an arched doorway in a brick wall and were seated at a small table with a corner velvet sofa. Our ability to sit so close was definitely arranged by Sebastian.

The hostess left and Sebastian asked, “What do you think?”

I turned my head toward him, “I love it. I’ve never been to a place like this. It’s so romantic and intimate.”

Sebastian nodded, “It is romantic and intimate. One of my friends mentioned it a long time ago, but I’ve never come here. It’s incredible. Food’s supposed to be good too.”

“Handy!” I kissed him right before our server showed up. I liked that he hadn’t been here before. Thinking of him at such a romantic place with someone else made my stomach tighten. Yes, I realize we’d both been in relationships, been in love, but that doesn’t mean I want to think about it. I’m willing to bet if I asked Sebastian he’d agree knowing about and thinking about were very different.

On the advice of our server, I ordered a tamarind and cinnamon cocktail and Sebastian went for a spiced bourbon infusion. Both sounded delicious and we’d be sharing anyway. We studied the menu while we waited for our drinks and decided sharing was the theme for the night. There was a customizable mezze platter that sounded perfect and would let us have a little of everything. Plus, eating off the same plate felt like the right choice to go with the space.

Sebastian's drink was better. Mine wasn't bad, just a little too sweet. Above the table, he held my hand. Under the table, his fingers caressed the bare skin on my lower back.

"I’m fascinated by your dress." He kissed my shoulder. "Curious what the other one looks like."

"Blacker, shorter, tighter.” I drew the neckline on my chest. "Off-center V neck."

"I would have liked that too."

"There's always tomorrow."

"The guys will appreciate if you wear that to the gym."

"What should I expect from them?"

He rolled his eyes, "Flirting, inappropriate comments, and completely untrue stories about me."

We finished off his drink while Sebastian told me a couple of stories and it sounded like they had a lot of fun. My too sweet drink was replaced with two of his. Sebastian moved his arm to the back of the sofa and turned toward me, “Tell me about this high-end vibrator of yours?”

I took a sip of my drink before answering. I wouldn’t have told him if I had a problem with him knowing. “Wouldn’t you rather wait for the next time you’re at my place and just see it?”

He considered that for a few seconds, “Both. General information now.”

I played with his fingers, “It’s a suction vibrator.” I looked down, “The color of my dress. Very pretty.”

“I bet.” He smiled and I knew the question he was about to ask. “How often does it get used?”

The answer was delayed by the arrival of our food. The whole restaurant smelled of spices, but the plate in front of us brought a stronger smell of meats and vegetables into the mix. I reached for the bacon-wrapped dates, biting one in half. Sebastian popped an olive in his mouth. The flavor exploded in my mouth; the sweetness of the date, the saltiness of the bacon, and the crunch of the almonds made my taste buds very happy. I held out the other half to Sebastian and kept chewing. His lips closed over my fingers and I felt a touch of his tongue before the morsel was gone. His face lit up, “That’s good.”

I nodded and grabbed an olive, “Before or after meeting you?”

I watched him replay the last bits of conversation to figure out what I was asking. He tore off a chunk of the grilled pitta and handed it to me before dipping his piece in the Baba Ganoush. “Is there a difference?”

I went for the hummus. “Well, yeah. Usually four-ish times a week, but long weekends with you have definitely dropped the average. And not always with toys, sometimes fingers.” I wiggled my fingers at him.

Sebastian squinted his eyes and made a tortured noise, “Good to know.”

“What about you?”

He speared one of the lamb meatballs with a fork, “Every day.” He smiled as he chewed. “No toys, just my hand. Shower mostly. Lube in the nightstand.”

I repeated his words, “Good to know.” I took the last bit of meatball off his fork and hummed my approval. “That’s delicious too.”

“It’s all delicious.” He grabbed a shrimp and exaggerated the bite by tearing his head to the side. “This is my favorite.”

“The bacon-wrapped dates.” I pointed with the piece of chicken I’d pulled off the kabab. “Can I watch?” He looked confused, so I added, “You masturbate.”

That made him choke and he covered his mouth with his napkin. I waited patiently for his answer. Part of me can’t believe we’re discussing masturbation habits over dinner. Part of me isn’t surprised in the least.

Once Sebastian regained his ability to speak, he laughed, “Sure.” He waved a shrimp between us, “Do I get to use the sucky thing on you?”

“Placement can be a little fiddly.”

“Oh . . . I’m sure I’ll enjoy figuring it out.”

Conversations went back to tamer topics while we finished dinner and ordered dessert. My dessert was the best. I took the first bite of the orange portokalopita cake, closed my eyes, and moaned quietly. "You have to try this." I held out a fork full of the sticky cake, watching him open his mouth to take what I offered. “This tastes just like I had in Greece.”

Sebastian's reaction was identical to mine. "Fuck." He held out a bite of his chocolate cake. "Not as good, but still."

The chocolate was a close second, but I wanted more. I wanted him to feed me more…in this dark, romantic restaurant. We sat in the candlelight looking in each other's eyes, being quiet and still. I wanted to kiss him.

"I want you to kiss me."

I bit my lip, "Did I say that out loud?"

He nodded the slightest bit, "You did."

"Oops?"

His mouth turned into a frown, "So you don't want to kiss me?"

"I’ll let you in on a little secret." I moved closer, "I always want to kiss you." I closed what distance was left and pressed my mouth to his. "Always.”

Sebastian stretched back and pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling up his camera and switching to the front camera, “Do that again.”

Our server was walking by with a couple of drinks, “Want me to do that?” She set the drinks on our table and waited for Sebastian to switch the camera back. We kissed again and the flash went off. “Now, one with less tongue.” We turned toward her laughing and the flash went off again. “That one’s good.” She handed him back his phone. “I’ll be back in a minute with your check, Mr. Stan.”

I kissed his cheek as he pulled up the pictures, “Can’t take you anywhere.”

He smiled and held his phone out, the picture of us looking at her laughing on the screen, “I like that.” He swiped to the kissing one, “Really like that.”

“Send them to me, please.”

He tapped a couple of buttons, “Done.” 

A half-hour later we were back at his place.

We walked through the door and I automatically started to kick off my shoes. Sebastian stopped me, "Leave them on." He led me into the middle of his living room. "Stay right here."

I smiled when I realized he was hooking his phone into the speaker system. "Did you make a playlist?"

"I did." He looked back at me, "Took me two weeks and it's got six songs. I suck."

"I can't wait to hear." I was immediately curious about what songs he'd picked. Given the dinner we'd just had I was sure we weren't about to be dancing to 70's disco music.

I was wrong.

Abba's “Dancing Queen” started playing and I laughed as Sebastian did a little robot dance back to where he'd left me. My laughter was pure unadulterated joy. This man was so incredibly real, and because he was, I could be too. It was who we were together. Being silly with someone new was one of the scariest things. It took trust to be that carefree. Sure, there's trust in telling secrets and letting someone know you, but for me it's different. In a way, you're prepared for a reaction when you tell someone about yourself. When you're having fun and assing off, you're just in that childlike moment and it's so easy for a look or comment to ruin it, to squash the little kid in you.

Sebastian dancing over to me made me happy. All I wanted to do was join in on the fun with him. When they sang "you are a dancing queen, young and free, only seventeen" I stood in the middle of the floor, arms outstretched, twirling in a circle.

The music changed to John Newman's "Come and Get It." Still fun and upbeat, with a little bit of sexy. We held hands, dancing closer only to move apart, and circling each other. When the chorus of "come and get it if you really want it" started I walked backward away from him, motioning with my hands for him to come and get it. He followed, stepping toward each time I stepped back, hunting me in a way that made me want to be caught. Second chorus he took over teasing me, walking away, and turning briefly to crook his finger. At the end we were pushing and pulling each other around the room, smiling and having a ball.

"What if I never run into you? What if you never smiled at me?" I stopped and dropped my arms. This had been on my deserted island playlist from our first date. BSB "Chances." He'd snickered at my choice of the simple love song about all the what ifs that have to go right for two people to meet and fall in love. Sebastian lifted one of my hands to his shoulder, held my hand, and put his free hand on my waist.

"I listened to it on the train home and immediately felt bad for laughing. I mean, what if you hadn't touched my arm and asked if I was ok."

I continued the thought, "What if you didn't ask me to help find the chips?"

"What if you wouldn’t have waited outside?"

I had the last piece, "What if I hadn't asked for your name? Nonverbally, anyway."

He stepped closer to kiss me, "Meeting in a baking aisle is one in a million."

This was a slow song for big sweeping dance. That might be the video's choreography influencing me. I just followed where he led. Sebastian's playlist was building. Safe money was on the next one being a stow romantic ballad perfect for bodied pressed together and swaying to the music.

Two beats of piano before a man started to sing. I didn’t recognize the singer or the song. I look at him, still in his arms, "I don’t know this.”

Sebastian pulled me closer, tight against his chest. "Just listen to the words."

I laid my head on his shoulder, joined hands against his chest, and arms around each other keeping us close. I don’t know that I listened as much as I felt the words. “I don’t wanna blow it.” “Every time I’m with you I feel wanted. We could make believers if we dare.” “There is so much as stake. Hearts to soft to break, but we don’t need to go there.” I closed my eyes, feeling him breathe, feeling us move together. This is what it feels like to be wanted. To be safe in someone’s arms.

This is romance.

This is falling in love.

The next song I knew. Bryan Ferry’s "Slave to Love." Sultry, sexy music. Long instrumental sections that grew in intensity. Everything about this song felt like sex. Including how we danced. Sebastian let go of my hand, moving his to my back. I went up, both my hands holding on to his shoulders. He kept me close with a hand splayed between my shoulders and on my lower back. He was taking advantage of the cut of my dress to touch bare skin. I lifted my head from his shoulder to lay my temple against his cheek and slid my hand up his shoulder to cup the back of his neck. Our hips moved with the music and I could feel him growing hard. When I felt his lips on my skin, I turned my face up to kiss him. I met his open mouth, our tongues seeking out the other. His mouth was warm and I swear he still tasted like chocolate.

The kiss was soft, deep, and just as intense as the way we were moving together. I felt his hand go underneath my hair and felt the release of the clip. I heard the plastic hit the wood floor as my hair fell over his arm. He broke the kiss to bury his face in the strands that had fallen forward. His open mouth sucked at the slope of my shoulder as we touched and held on, never losing the beat of the song.

I knew the next song well. It's a beautiful dark love song fall of yearning and wanting comfort from another. I think Sebastian was going for the intensity, the yearning, without the sadness. We continued occasional kissing until about halfway through the song, when Sebastian turned me in his arms, pressing against my back. His arm wrapped around my waist with a hand on my hip assuring I moved with him. His other hand caressed along my bare shoulder and upper chest. His soft touch was mixed with a tight hold on my hip and his rigid length rubbing against my ass. I had a hand holding onto his neck, the other holding the arm he had around me. Staying in this moment would be perfect. I like the holding on, the movement, the soft kisses he laid on my shoulder, and how I could feel his breath on my skin. He moved his mouth next to my ear and quietly sang the secondary vocals. "Oh, I want to be inside of you." It repeated four times and by number three I wasn’t sure I could keep standing if he wasn’t holding on to me. I’m sure he could feel my reaction of sagging against him as easily as I could feel his erection.

He tugged on my earlobe with his teeth, "Tell me to take you to bed."

I turned my body where I could to see him and put my hand on his face, "Take me to bed, Bastian."

Sebastian whispered, "Nothing I want more", before bending to lift under my knees and carry me to his bed.


	46. Chapter 46

~*~Sebastian~*~

Life is pretty sweet when your choices are to watch her get ready or wait for her to come into the room. I didn't want to see what Emma was wearing. More specifically, I didn't want to see what she was wearing under whichever dress she picked. I like the surprise when I unwrap my presents.  
Even though they were both hanging in my closet (ouch), I didn't peek.

So, I went into my living room and sat my ass on the window ledge farthest from my bedroom.

This relationship feels very different. I know I’ve tried to work on what I've been told were my shortcomings. Emma is different. The connection between us has made changes I thought would be difficult seem like nothing. For example, I've been told (by more than one person) I think too much and say too little. Also, the quickest way to get me to clam up is to try and push me to talk. I can see how this is problematic. I’ve been working on why I'm self-protective, outside the obvious. The conclusion of my therapist and myself is it’s a habit that's necessary professionally, but not useful in a relationship. During most interviews, I’m in my head thinking repercussions of my answers and if there's a group of us I’m thinking of what they're saying. You can see my reaction to fellow actors saying questionable things. Not to say I don't shove my foot in my mouth live or on social media. I do. Even at Cons, where I seem more natural, it's still a lot of me thinking ahead. I may say something a little dirty or smile at what someone else says or does, but it's thought out. I want to meet fans and for them to have a moment with me. There are stories and people and situations where I am truly moved and completely myself. Twenty-four hours later it’s been dissected and whoever I was interacting with is attacked. I know it’s hard to know if I'm being real or premeditated. I’m painfully aware everything I've just said looks like I'm always on guard and always trying to make the right impression. I’m not. I'm just aware of what comes next.

Over the years I've become more careful. Depends on what I'm doing, who I’m with, and even what country I'm in. It's exhausting, which is partly being an introvert. Dealing with a bunch of unknowns takes a lot of energy. I have good friends I've known for years. Everything's different with them. They know me and there are years worth of history and trust. There are times I don't shut up and times I’m quiet until I throw in a great inappropriate comment or something that sums up the conversation. I invite friends to go places with me because it's more fun with them around and for support. I think a lot. It's what I do.

What I think happens in relationships is when I feel backed in a corner, pushed, or vulnerable I click into work mode and measure my responses. Over time that doesn't work well. Pair me up with someone who gets angry and comes at me... disaster. Pair me up with someone who takes my thinking personal or as apathy... also a disaster. Although a quieter one.

I've been working on changing my responses to what my therapist calls "perceived threats" for a long time. Enter Emiliana, who I thought myself out of kissing for three days. There were lots of little things that built up to make this work. Conversations and reactions which built trust and made me want to do it a different way. She didn't push, she didn't back me into a corner, and she didn't take it personally. She just pointed out we hadn't kissed. I didn't perceive a threat and chose to tell her what I'd been doing. Then... she doesn't laugh, she doesn't question, and she doesn't try to fix me. Emma fixed the problem. I was looking for the perfect moment, so she showed it to me. I was already attracted her and felt a connection. This ramped it up times ten.

That's where my head was when Emma walked into the room looking like everything I've ever wanted. I could not wait to introduce her to my friends, to tell them "Look what I found." But tonight, I had plans. I’d been saving this restaurant for something special. Someone special. While we were filming The Martian Jessica clued us in. She cautioned us it was a ten on the romance scale. Dark, felt like a secret club, with tables in corners and alcoves. She said not to go there unless you were ready to deal with “what are we” questions because you don’t take a casual date there. Just going there said things about your relationship. If you were serious. Unless you’re trying to hide her and it was good for that too. I wanted Emma there, just she and I in a quiet corner with plates full of food. No hiding.

The restaurant exceeded expectations, the ambiance, drinks, and food were outstanding. Not sure how our dinner conversation turned to masturbation, but I now had something to think about over the next two weeks when I wouldn’t see her.

My anxiety was up as we went home. I'd worked on this playlist and I thought it flowed the way I wanted. Silly, to fun, to a little closer, then the real song. The last two were pretty much sex music picked for their beats more than words except the last part with the repeated lines. I have doubts we’ll get that far, but I’m going to try.

Slow dancing in my living room sounds like a good memory to make.

The dancing went better than I'd hoped. We danced, sang, and played through the first songs. It was silly fun that felt good and happy. I also have a newfound love of the Backstreet Boys. Emma had never heard the song I most wanted to dance to. I told her to listen to the words. The song said nothing we hadn’t, it didn't even say it better, but the intensity of the music and the emotion with which Seal sang was perfect. Holding Emma, swaying with the music, and being submerged in the feelings was perfect for a romantic night. I wanted to hit repeat and stay right here. Then again sometimes a discreet moment of intense is better than diluting.

I didn't want diluted. I wanted it all. All the vulnerability and romance of falling in love.

The switch to sex music didn't change the feeling in the room. I could barely breathe in the best way possible. I let go of her hand to wrap around her. I needed to touch her skin, hands on her back, and lips on her temple. When she looked up, we kissed with the same slow intensity as we danced. I swear she still tasted of the orange syrup. I reached up to let her hair loose, leaving me holding a clip with no idea what to do with, so I just dropped it on the floor. The cascade of silky strands over my arm made me shiver.

When I was building the playlist, I imagined how the last song would go. Alice in Chains  
"Down in a Hole" isn't your typical love song, but it is a love song. Thankfully, I don't know that sort of desperation, but I do the intense want of connection with another person. Just as I'd imagined, we kissed through the first part until I turned her in my arms where I could kiss her neck and sing in her ear. "Oh, I want to be inside of you." Her reaction, collapsing against me, I hoped she understood the desire wasn't only physical. I pulled at her ear with my teeth, "Tell me to take you to bed."

I loosened my hold where she could turn a little. Her hand laid on my face, "Take me to bed, Bastian."

I don't think I finished saying, "Nothing I want more" before I’d scooped her in my arms and headed toward my bedroom. Kissing all the way.

I put her back on her feet next to my bed. Her arms dropped from around my neck and started unbuttoning my shirt. Slowly. I held onto her waist while her eyes were focused on her fingers. Halfway through she looked up, "Pink makes your eyes so blue. It's a good color on you. I like it."

"Thank you." She pulled the shirt out of my pants, smoothing her hands up my chest, and moving down my arms as she pushed it away. I love how she undresses me. My pants slid down my legs with a little help from her and I kicked them to the side. My boxers weren't going to be as compliant. I stayed her hand, "I need to catch you up."

There were no zippers or buttons. It was as easy as lifting the dress off her. I couldn't wait to see what was underneath. Her dress went on the pile with my shirt and pants. I was not disappointed with what Emma was left in. I took a deep breath and blew it out. She waited, letting me look. Dark green strapless bra with her breasts rising with each breath she took. Her flat stomach leading to panties with two straps around her hips. And she was still in her heels. I took another breath. She's fucking gorgeous, but even more, is she dressed for me. I tore my eyes away and met hers, "Wow seems  
inadequate."

"You're very visual. Plus, I like how you look at me. You make me feel wanted."

I smiled. She'd listened to the words. "Because you are."

"Can you unhook my bra for me?"

I must have nodded because she turned around. "Fuck." She's right. I am very visual. I've seen her naked, but still the g-string... fuck. Could be the heels too. Her bra joined the rest of the clothes and I moved closer to hold her, cupping her breasts as I kissed her neck. I was done with talking.

I backed up to my bed before moving in front of her to slide her panties off. Emma sat on the bed when I had her panties past her knees. I slipped her shoes off and ditched my boxer briefs as I stood. Emma scooted back on my bed and I rolled on a condom before crawling over her. I needed the sweetness of her mouth. Slow, soft, and oh so fucking good. Her foot ran along the back of my thigh and pulled me closer when started to move away.

"You. Just you." She pulled me back into a kiss, her tongue teasing my lips first.

I reached between us to position my cock at her entrance. We both moaned as I pushed inside her. There is absolutely nothing quite like the sinking in. The way her body lets mine in and holds me. I hooked behind her knee, pulling her leg higher to change the angle. Her nails dug into my bicep. I knew I was hitting the right spots. From there it was all kisses, sighs, touches, and kiss muffled moans. Slow and easy meant I could last longer. Long enough for me to feel her contract around me and break the kiss to breathe. I was right with her, my orgasm breaking over me while I watched her. We were still for a long time, looking at the other, and trying to catch our breath.

There are lots of different kinds of sex. Emma and I have some really good sex. We talk, laugh, and fight to breathe together. Tonight, was slow and simple. Connected physically and emotionally. That's the best there is.

It was minutes later, once we'd relocated between the sheets before either of us said anything. We lay on our sides, her head on my outstretched arm. I played in her hair with one hand, the other playing with her fingers. "Hey, what happened to your broken nail?"

She smiled, "Hot date tonight. Went to a salon and had them fix it."

Looking closer I could tell the fake. It wasn't quite the same shape as the others. I brought it to my mouth, kissing her nail, "Still hurt?"

She shook her head with a frown. "No." Her eyes shifted to where I ran my thumb over her fingers then back to my eyes. "Thank you for tonight. You treat me like a princess." She pressed her lips to mine for a few seconds. "You bring so much joy to my life."

No one’s said that to me before. I kissed her, thinking how this tied into what I was thinking earlier, "You bring out the best in me."

Emma cuddled in closer. I rolled to my back, holding her hand against my chest. We were quiet. That  
comfortable content sort of quiet. Sometime later we drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~

My alarm went off in the other room. I pulled on my boxer briefs and stumbled into the living room. My phone was still hooked into the speakers and my alarm was playing over them. I grabbed it and I made sure there was water in the Keurig before heading back to my bedroom. Emma had snagged my pillow and had it under her arm. I climbed on top of her, barely hovering over her, and started rubbing my stubble of a beard on her neck. "Time to wake up, pretty girl."

Emma laughed and pulled her shoulder up to her neck, "That tickles."

"Do you know the difference between neck kisses and munchies?"

"You mean kisses and something you made up."

"My grandma made it up." That was a long-ago memory.

"No, I don't know the difference."

"These are neck kisses." I kissed and licked her neck like a normal person. "And these are munchies." I got close, opened my mouth, and started saying nom nom nom as I moved closer. Acting something like Pac-Man, I devoured her neck. She squirmed and tried unsuccessfully to dislodge me. She laughed the whole time. "Munchies tickle. Kisses don't. Usually anyway” I kissed her mouth, “Now you know the difference.”

Emma rolled over and pushed me away so she could sit up too temptingly close. We kissed and she laid her head on my shoulder. "Do you have coffee?"

“Yes, a Keurig. Many choices.” Emma walked to the pile of clothes and pulled out my pink shirt and pulled it on, fastening only a few bottom buttons. It covered everything. Barely. I swallowed hard, “Pink looks good on you too.” Her green eyes. Her light brown and blonde hair falling over my shirt. I followed her into my kitchen and pointed to a cabinet, “Mugs in there.” 

She stretched up to get one from a higher shelf. My shirt rode up just enough to see the bottom curve of her ass. “Do you have a special one you want?”

“Anything that makes you reach up.” I walked up behind her as she stretched up again. I reached around her to grab a K-cup, pressing my body against hers. She took it and started my coffee before picking her flavor. I smiled when she took the Hawaiian Blend. “Will you show more pictures from Hawaii?”

“Absolutely. Everything’s on my Google Drive.”

I drew my lips into a tight line and shook my head, “I think you drastically overestimate my internet skills.” I held up a finger, “Hold on.” My laptop was on the dining room table. I brought it over to the island and searched “Sebastian Stan me me”. Oddly enough, a gif of that interview was the first thing that came up. Emma switched out the coffee, bringing my cup over and standing beside me. I pointed to the screen. “It’s Civil War press, so like three years. I haven’t gotten much better.”

“You’ve been busy.” She looked at the screen and smiled, “You’re adorable.”

I shook my head, “I’d rather be sexy.”

“Oh, you’re that too. Don’t worry.” She scrolled down. I watched her mouth drop open. “This goes on forever.”

“It’s a rabbit hole I try not to go down.”

She pointed to a meme of me hugging some wolf stuffed animal, “My ovaries just exploded.”

I looked at her laughing, “What?”

Emma had her hand on her stomach, where her ovaries were as she walked over to get her coffee. She came back and stood across from me. “When something is so cute or someone is so hot they make your ovaries explode.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“That gif. You’re equally cute and hot. It’s hard to decide if I want to cuddle or fuck you. Boom . . . ovaries explode.” She turned my laptop where we could both see and scrolled further. I’d opened this door. She took a sip of her coffee, “Oh, they woobify you. I knew Bucky was woobified, but they woobify you.”

“I’m really afraid to ask.”

She made a face and looked to the side, trying to figure out how to explain. “I’m not an expert on this. It’s like when you take a villain and see them as innocent or childlike. Kylo Ren is a great example. He’s horrible. He tortures people, kills a whole village, and kills his father. Not that his backstory doesn’t provide a reason for thinking he’s a victim of circumstance, but he’s not a misunderstood cute cuddly puppy. I completely get it because everyone loves a good redemption story. And seriously, Bucky is a cute and cuddly bunny who needs love and a long hug.”

I laughed. I’d never heard the word, but I knew the concept. I crossed my arms over my chest, “And I’m not a cute and cuddly bunny who needs love and long hug?”

Emma put her hand over mine, placating me. “Of course you are. You’re also a full-grown man with bad moods, faults, and sexual desires.”

“To be fair, I support the cuddly bunny opinion of me.” She tilted her head and I continued. “It’s a safer narrative. Fans me see being goofy and stupid in interviews and at conventions or I’ll put out a silly video. That is part of my personality. I’ve been moody at cons, but they don’t see me lose my temper or skulk around feeling sorry for myself. I don’t show all of me. I don’t feel the need to make my opinions on everything be known.” I remembered something. “I did go off a little on Instagram about fans being awful to my friends. They crossed a line.” 

“I think it’s smart not to give away too much.”

“If they want to think I’m an innocent little boy, I’m not sure I have a problem with that.” 

“What happens when you’re in a bad mood or do something wrong?”

I knew she wasn’t being argumentative, but asking because she didn’t know. “Some get pissed at me and others protect me. Then there’s fighting and ugliness between the two.”

She smiled, “One side thinks you’re an adult who is responsible for his behavior, and the other side woobifies you.”

“I didn’t know it was a thing.” 

"You’re not a teenage girl."

"Neither are you." Thankfully.

"But my little sister Olivia is. She wants a DR." She smirked, "Dick report."

I winced, "If you speak of my dick, please be kind."

"Are you kind to my breasts?"

Trick question. "Your breasts aren't small."

I stood up as Emma came around to where I was. She put her hand on my dick, "Neither is your dick."

We changed into gym clothes and headed out. The gym was an easy hand-holding walk away. It was a gorgeous day. Not too hot and lots of clouds to cut the sun. Emma wanted to go walk around her old neighborhood on the way to Eli and Angie's. I'd ordered a sushi platter from the restaurant I went to for the watch ad. It would be delivered at eight. If we wandered Brooklyn first, we'd pick up some booze over there.

The guys were waiting right inside. Before I could introduce her, Don introduced himself and told us since it was such a pretty day, we were going to take it to the park. They were already setting up. We were just waiting for a few more people, he'd pulled some women so Emma wouldn't be alone. I appreciated that. He walked off and I led her to the others. "Emma, this is Len, Jackson, George, and David. Guys, this is my girlfriend Emma."

Yep, I was grinning like an idiot.

We bitched about going to the park. It was always a tougher work out because we did a lot of real-world stuff, beginning with running a couple of miles to the park. I leaned closer to Emma, "Really it's fun."

David added, "Made more fun by bitching about it."

Len winked at me before taking Emma's hand, "It's been a while since Seb's had a girlfriend. I told him if he needed any tips I had him covered."

Jackson interrupted, "Or if you want to trade up."

I looked at him, hands up, and shook my head.

Len continued, "So if he's not meeting your needs, you let me know and I’ll get him fixed up."

Emma laughed, "He's doing very well on his own. Not sure either of us could handle any fixing up. Never leave the apartment."

Perfect response. We stood there talking until Don came back with three women. They'd worked out with us before. Don put his arm on Emma's elbow, "Seb's girlfriend Emma."

While the women introduced themselves and started talking, I turned my back on them. Len put his hand on my shoulder, "You did good."

I was panicking. I pointed at the women behind me, using my body to block my movements, and mouthed, "I fucked her."

George snickered, "I'd hope so."

I shook my head quickly, "No, the one in red. Kayla."

All three barked out a laugh and David cringed, "A morning at the park just got more interesting."

It was several minutes later when Don clapped his hands, "Ok, straight run this morning for warm-up. Ladies, if you want to get a head start, we'll meet you there."

I made the same face I make when some in an interview said something sketchy. It was part grimace and part what the fuck. Emma just smiled, pulled the scrunchy off her wrist, and started pulling her hair into a ponytail. "I'll keep up."

This was the first time we'd run together, but I was confident she could. Or she'd pass out trying. I tried to move Emma to the side, but could never get away from the group. I wasn’t the fastest in the group, but I set a good pace in the upper middle of the pack. Emma was ahead of the slow men with the fastest woman. Right beside Emma was Kayla.

At the park, everyone ran to the cooler where one of the staff handed out bottles of water. I grabbed one for Emma and walked back to the edge of the set up to meet her. Under the guise of showing her around, I got her away from the group. I put a hand on her arm, "I need to tell you something about Kayla. I slept with her over a year ago."

Emma looked at me. I hadn't seen this look and didn't have the best feeling. "I know. She told me."

Isn't that awesome. I grimaced, "I’m sorry. I didn't know she'd be here."

She nodded. That's it. Nodded. Not good. I was hoping for something like "It's ok, Sebastian."

Don called us back to the group before I could say anything else. Although I don't know what I was going to say. I hadn't done anything wrong. Emma took my hand and kissed me, "Let's go sweat."

The workout was fun. As expected, the others rode my ass, telling Emma lies and a few embarrassing truths. She gave everything a try and did well, but couldn't always do a lot of reps. I enjoyed showing off a little with her watching. I did my best to ignore that Kayla was there. Probably borderline rude, but her telling Emma we'd slept together was definitely rude. Emma was her normal self through the workout. Maybe I was reading something into her look.

When we finished Emma grabbed another bottle of water and sat down on the ground, knees up. I sat next to her, "Good tired?"

Her face lit up, "Good tired. Food and a shower."

"I’m hungry." I pointed, "There's a Thai place right over there. Grab something then catch the subway back to my place?"

"Sounds good."

Back home Emma walked to the kitchen and threw away her water bottle. I put my hands on the island, "Should we talk about this?"

She turned around with that look on her face again. "No."

I still don't know what the look means and I still don't like it. "I think we should."

Emma said, "I disagree," as she walked past me toward the living room.

I liked that even less. It felt dismissive. I followed her. "Don't walk away. Why are you pissed at me?"

She dropped onto the couch and looked at me. "I'm not pissed at you. I’m just pissed. I've tried to let it go, but it keeps coming back."

I sat down on the edge of the couch a few inches from her.

"Can you give me a minute to figure this out?"

I nodded, "Sure." I watched her lie back, close her eyes, and switch her hands from flexed to fists. One, two, three, four, five times before they relaxed on the cushion. I mirrored her position and put my hand over hers, wrapping my fingers onto her palms. When she folded her fingers around mine, I laid my head back too. This was much better than where'd we'd started. I relaxed for several minutes before opening my eyes and looking over. I decided it was time to try and bring her out of this. I leaned a little closer and whispered, "Are you trying to filter again? Do I need to kiss you again? I don't mind taking one for the team."

Emma started cracking a smile before she opened her eyes and turned her head toward me. "I wouldn't want to put you out."

I got closer, "Really, no bother." All she had to do was close the last inch. I never doubted she would.

Her fingers stroked along my beard, pulling on the gray patch, "I’m sorry I came across mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I know you slept with people before me and if you knew she was going to be there you would have told me."

I was a little surprised. I had not expected or needed an apology, but it felt good. "Thank you." I picked up the hand I was holding and kissed it, "Do you want to talk?" I shook my head, "Don't have to."

She turned sideways, putting her bent leg onto the couch. I did the same so we were facing. "At the gym they were all nice. On the run, Kayla and I matched pace and talked as we ran. Nothing about you until we hit the park and you were in sight again. She asked how long we'd been together. I wasn't comfortable answering her, because I’d known her a whole half hour. I said “Oh, it’s been a while" and laughed it off. She said, "Good for you. We hooked up a while ago, so I know. Good for you." She used the same words "a while". She'd been friendly then dropped the bomb, just as I got back to you."

Girls could be such mean bitches. There was no reason for that except to be a bitch. I closed one eye and cringed, "I'm sorry she did that, baby. Had I told you sooner she couldn't have blindsided you."

She waved me off, "She would have come up with something else."

I could tell there was more and waited. She looked at our joined hands then back to my face. "The woman Jimmy was having an affair with, Shayla. Which is a ridiculous name for a lawyer anyway." She rolled her eyes.

I chuckled. My girl had a little bitch in her.

"We were friends. Part of being a lawyer is work functions. Dinners. Going out for drinks. I looked forward to seeing her. She came to a couple of Eli's gigs. Sometimes she had a date, sometimes not. She was at the first functions when I was lost and we got to be friends from there. It was years later when Eli told me he'd seen them hugging behind the club one night. I didn't believe him. I mean, I believed he saw them hug, but I didn't believe anything was going on. I asked her if everything was ok because Eli had seen them hugging. She pulled out her phone and showed me a text from her boyfriend breaking ups with her. I hugged her too. Later I found out he'd broken up with her because he'd found out about them." She let out a sardonic laugh, "I'd comforted the woman fucking my boyfriend when her boyfriend broke up with her because she was fucking my boyfriend." Emma wiped a tear off her cheek and my heart broke. Another one fell and I took over, wiping it away with my thumb before cupping her face and kissing her. She rested her forehead against mine for a few seconds before continuing. "I think Kayla befriending me only to say oh, I fucked your boyfriend reminded me of all that and pissed me off."

I winced at "fucked your boyfriend". Accurate, but not pleasant.

Emma kissed me, "Sorry. Part of me was jealous and wanted to punch her in her face."

"Do you need reassurance?" I thought it best to check.

"Noooo." She drug the word out and frowned. "Before me was before me. Exes are ex for a reason. I don't want details or numbers."

No, we didn't need to do that. "I don't understand wanting to know numbers. There is nothing good can come from that. I only care about who you're sleeping with now."

I kissed her, longer and with tongue. I needed to come clean about something. "I'm not going to cheat on you." She looked at me like she didn't know where I was going, "I'm not going to lie and say I haven't. It was one of the many bad things Jess and I did to each other. Too much anger, too much drinking, too much cocaine, and too much X." I shook my head, "Many regretful decisions. Drugs don't excuse my behavior, but they didn't help. I think sometimes we cheated just to hurt each other when the fighting didn't work anymore. We should have just stayed broken up one of the dozen times." I shook myself out of a time I wasn't proud of. "I'm telling you this because I don't want you to find out later and think I was hiding it from you." I shrugged, "I did it. I didn't feel guilty at the time, but I did later. Haven't cheated since. Wouldn't."

"I appreciate you telling me." I raised an eyebrow, fearing a "but". "There's no but. I trust you. Everything you've done before made you who you are now." She reached and ran her fingers through my hair, "I like who you are now."

"I am a very lucky man."

"I think I'm the lucky one."

She's wrong, but I'll let her keep thinking it's her. I took the hand that had stayed in my hair and placed a wet kiss on her palm. "Wanna make out?"

I laughed when she lifted her arm and sniffed, "I'm disgusting."

"So am I. We'll cross each other out."

"I don't think it works that way, but I’m not saying no to making out with you."


	47. Chapter 47

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian laid back on the couch taking me with him. For a change, I was between his legs. He wrapped his outside leg around mine and I understood why he liked being between my legs so much. This was very cozy. I doubt he'd agree to that reason. His lips were so soft, mouth so warm. I could stay like this, kissing him all day. I couldn’t touch him much since I was laying on him. He was unhindered and stroked and tickled my back.

A text on my phone broke us apart. "That’s Eli’s ringtone." I kissed him as I pushed off him to get my phone off the island. I laughed at the message and read it to Sebastian. "Kirk at rehearsal. I cut it short and said we were having dinner and meeting your new boyfriend. He's invited himself and Boone. He hasn't seen you since the wedding. If this is a problem you have to tell him. "

"I don't care." Sebastian smiled, "I need to up our dinner order, he can eat the hell out of some sushi."

I texted Eli back while Sebastian called the restaurant. He gave me a thumbs up. I waited until he hung up, "I've got to shower."

"Yep." He was doing something and not paying attention to me.

The phone in my hand went off, 'Dancing Queen' playing loudly. I looked at him, "What are you doing?"

He hung up, looking at me with wide innocent eyes. "I wanted to know what my ringtone was."

"You're a goofball."

"That’s not new information."

My god, he looked like the most adorable little boy sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees with his phone in his hands. I crinkled up my nose and shook my head, "Not really."

I walked toward the bedroom. I pulled off my shirt and tossed it behind me, "You coming?"

I didn't turn around but heard him rustling around then his footfalls coming up fast. "Not coming yet, but I have high hopes."

The rustling I'd heard was him taking off his clothes. He was naked when he caught up to me, wrapping around me and kind of waddling us through the room. "Eager."

He lifted me off my feet and took longer strides into his bathroom, "I've wanted to get you in the shower for weeks. Wash your hair. Spread slippery soap all over you with my hands."

I struggled my way out of my sports bra while he took my shorts and panties down my legs. "I have to get my shampoo and conditioner."

"I have to get condoms."

I'd brought my shower stuff into the bathroom earlier and just had to grab the bottles. Sebastian had to run to the nightstand. I was stepping under the spray when he got back. His shower was big enough for four people. A shelf was cut into the long wall and held hair and body products. The short back wall had a tiled bench. An oversized rainfall showerhead dropped from the ceiling close to the center with a shower wand affixed to the wall. Sebastian put the condom on the shelf and joined me under the spray that more than covered us both.

"I need a shower upgrade.”

He pulled me against his wet body. "You spoil yourself with sheets and towels. I have a thing for showers and products." That he did. The shelf was lined with body wash. I wanted to smell them all, but that would have to wait. Sebastian sealed his mouth over mine, his fingers working through my hair to get it saturated. When he was satisfied, he backed away and grabbed my shampoo, "Turn around."

I turned, stepping out from under the spray, and tipped my head back. He smoothed the shampoo down the length of my hair before his fingers massaged my scalp. I moaned appreciatively. "I love a good scalp massage."

"I got you covered."

That he did. He didn’t miss a spot. He ran fingers through the ends and gently worked up a foam. He was much gentler than I was. Of course, I was just washing my hair. He was doing foreplay. Very effective foreplay. He rinsed the soap out and spread the conditioner. I handed him my comb and he carefully ran it through, loosening any knots.

Now it was my turn.

I didn't want him to turn around. I wanted to see his face. Plus, his hair wasn't halfway down his back. I enjoyed watching the water run over his chest, never taking the same path twice. He closed his eyes and had the slightest smile as I washed his hair. I moved him back under the spray and watched the bubbles. I kissed him and picked a random bottle of body wash. I stepped back to squeeze it into my hand. Sebastian went over my head and soaped my back as I ran my hands over his chest. When he was all soapy I rubbed against him, "This is slippery."

"And takes much more soap than when I’m solo." He got more and pushed me away enough to wash the front of me. He spent a long time on my breasts. They weren't that dirty, but I wasn’t going to complain, and by the look on his face he was enjoying himself.

I kissed his chest before soaping lower. He spread his legs to give me room. I stroked his cook while my other hand cleaned other places. The way it looked, he might bite through his lip. I stretched up and licked where he bit. Presented with the choice of his lip or my tongue he chose me. I soaped up his back and butt. He still hadn't stopped washing my breasts.

Prying myself away from his mouth was hard, but there were other hard things I needed to attend to. Sebastian tried to follow me and keep kissing. I put my fingers over his mouth, "I need to wash your legs, baby."

A moan filled the space when I dropped to my knees. My hands went to his ankle. My mouth went to his cock. "Fuck", came from his mouth and I felt his fingers on my scalp.

I continued to slowly suck him as I washed his legs. Damn, his thighs are even better when they're slippery. I made sure his balls were clean then used the flat part between the joints of my finger to massage the stretch of skin directly behind them. There was a string of curse words from above me and his fingers left my head. A quick glance up showed his arms stretched up in front of him, hands planted on the wall.

"I like that."

I kept up what I was doing until I felt his thighs quiver, "Do you want me to finish you or stop?"

"Stop." He took my hands, helping me stand. "Finish me? Jesus, Emma." He kissed me hard. "You're not clean yet." Turning me around he got more body wash and his hands went to my hips. He squatted, his hands slipping down the outside of my legs. They moved to the inside and he kissed the freckle on my butt before standing up. A hand on my stomach kept me tight to him, his cock between my thighs. His other hand went between my legs, a finger sliding onto me.

I smiled with a moan, "I don't think I’m dirty there."

His mouth was on my neck. He mumbled, "Just being thorough, baby."

"Appreciated." I gasped with the feel of his fingers on my clit. I reached behind me to hold on to the back of his neck. Now I was bracing against the wall with a hand.

He continued to finger me while tearing open the condom with his teeth. When he pulled his fingers from me, he used them to put my other hand against the wall. His tongue went up the side of my neck to my ear, "This ok?"

Sebastian asking, checking in, nearly ripped me in two. "Very ok."

The feel of him pushing into me had me biting my lip and turning my head to rub against his face. "Love the feel of you inside me."

"You feel so good." His hands went back between my legs and to my breast. "I'm not going to last."

An hour or so making out followed by soaping each other up and a blow job were apparently too much for my Sebastian to handle. Can't hold that against him.

A particularly well placed and hard thrust made me cry out, which caused him to curse and orgasm. He reached for my hands and wrapped our arms around me, "So damn good."

Sebastian turned me around, kissing me and pulling me toward the other end of the shower. He lifted my leg to put my foot on the bench, "Gotta take care of you."

The smirk on his face made me smile. Him sitting on the shower floor and burying his face between my legs made me moan. I reached for the wall in front of me, laying my other hand on his shoulder. I wasn't going to last long either. I tried to hold on, but he had a goal and knew how to reach it. “Bastian..." was all I got before pleasure took my breath.

Sebastian slid under me, coming up behind me and turning off the water. I wrapped my hair in the twist towel he'd handed me and he wrapped me in a big fluffy towel, kissing my nose before wrapping a towel around his waist. "Glad I upgraded the water heater."

I laughed, "Cold water would have put a damper on things."

I slipped on my robe while Sebastian brushed his teeth and I scooted onto the vanity counter to watch him trim his beard. He looked over, smiling, "Tell me your favorite memory with Angie and Eli."

"It's kind of a sad memory." Sebastian shrugged. "It was right after Jimmy and I broke up. We ordered in from my favorite pizza place, played video games, and when it was time to go to bed they insisted I stay with them. They stuck me between them and we cuddled up together. Break up, homeless, and had no idea what I was going to do, but I felt very loved and very safe. I knew I'd be ok."

He wiped the shaving cream off his neck, "Sad, but very sweet. I'm glad you had them."

"Me too." He walked into the bedroom and I grabbed my toothbrush. He was back before I was done brushing, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

Scooting onto vanity where I’d been, he played with the sash of my robe. "Now tell me your favorite fun memory."

There were a lot and I started putting on make-up." Probably New Year's last year. They went to Hawaii with me. We had our own luau on the beach, complete with kalua pig." My eyes rolled back at the thought. "Ever had it? Know what it is?"

"Neither."

"It's a whole pig wrapped in banana leaves and cooked underground in a pit."

His face showed recognition, "I’ve heard of that."

"It's my favorite food in the world. You open up the leaves and the meat just falls away. There's a restaurant that lets us buy their plum barbeque sauce. I can eat my weight in kalua pig." I sighed, "So we spent the night eating, drinking, getting high. We had a fire on the beach and played guitars and sang. At midnight we were dancing on the beach, laughing, and having an amazing time. It was the perfect start to the year, being with my chosen family."

Sebastian pulled his eyebrows down, "Chosen?"

I raised my eyebrows and nodded, "Mom, dad, and Amy are my family. I love them and love being with them. Ed, Jill, Angie, Eli, Olivia, Harper are the family I've made for myself. And that was the first time we'd all been together." I had a thought and my face lit up. "I should show you those pictures. There's video of us hula dancing."

"I'd love to see."

"Tell me your favorite Will memory."

He immediately smiled, "A group of us went to Mexico for a week. We rented a house right off the beach. Same sort of idea. Hanging out, food, drink, wandering the streets out of our minds. We'd lay by the pool to recover from the hangover and start drinking again. There were some crazy clubs."

I added what he left out, "And beautiful women."

He grinned sheepishly, "Yeah."

Flipping my head upside down, I pulled off the twist towel, shook out my hair, and ran some product through before flipping my head back over to fingerstyle it into place.

Sebastian was smiling widely.

"What's that face?"

His face read disbelief, "Watching how you make yourself more beautiful."

"I’m a simple girl." I kicked up my heel.

"Which makes you more beautiful. You're beautiful without makeup and you don’t try to cover anything, you just enhance. I like that. Like watching."

I took a step over to stand between his legs. I put my hands on his thighs, moving them just enough for him to feel. "Thank you."

Sebastian put his hands on my face, pulling me in for a sweet kiss. His smile lit up his eyes, the blue brightening. "Just the truth." Hands dropped slowly from my face.

I cut my eyes toward the bedroom, "I’m going to get dressed."

"I'm going to keep watching."

Over at my suitcase, I pulled out a short white t-shirt and floral drawstring shorts. He had said he had a thing for strings and smiled from his position by the bathroom door. With the light colors, I pulled on a white bra and panty set. After I was dressed, I sat on his bed to tie my shoes. Sebastian ducked into the closet and came out with a black baseball cap, "I’m going to turn on the laptop."

We spent the next thirty minutes going through pictures and videos. I'd forgotten about the video of me, Ed, and Eli playing. I knew it had happened, but forgot Angie had recorded. I did remember the hula dancing, just not how abysmal it had been. Sebastian put his hand over his mouth in a failed attempt to hide a smile. His eyes gave him away, "I know you can move better than that."

~*~*~

The second we stepped out from the subway onto the sidewalk in my old neighborhood I was hit with a wave of nostalgia. All the hours I'd spent wandering shops and galleries on my own. We'd talked about museums and art galleries so I knew Sebastian liked to wander and look.

"Whatcha' thinking?"

His voice startled me. I hummed through a smile, "I haven't been back here in a long time. It feels kinda strange. I’m excited to see if my favorite places are still around and to share them with you."

"Me too." He squeezed my hand, "Which way?"

I pointed across the street, “Apartment’s down there."

It was amazing how much had changed, yet stayed the same. My building had been painted and the doors were replaced. I told him about the first snowstorm and coming out to find the sidewalks hadn't been cleared and I didn’t have snow boots. My feet were wet and frozen by the time I reached the restaurant where I was working. Luckily, I kept work shoes in my locker. The restaurant was our next stop. It was now a bakery. The smell of fresh-baked bread would have been an upgrade from the food I’d served. I loved the smell of bread baking. We ducked inside and left with a selection of patisseries for dessert and a loaf of sourdough because I have a weakness. My fingers were crossed as we neared the corner gallery. A peek inside showed a familiar face and I pulled on his hand, "Come meet someone."

The gallery was long and thin. In the front were artwork and installation pieces. Once past them, there were tables and bookshelves with different artists' work set up. Paper, wood, marble, metal, and ceramics. Raisa saw me as she was ringing up a customer. She opened her mouth in surprise and mouthed, "I’II be right there."

I led Sebastian to a table full of jewelry. "Everything is local and changing all the time. I was in here at least once a week to see. The marble salt cellar at home is from here. The artwork in the guest bath. Lot's actually!” I picked up a card holding a pair of earrings. "I love this artist."

Raisa ran over, "Emiliana, it’s been forever. I thought you'd disappeared."

We hugged, "No, just moved and haven’t been back for a while. I’ve missed all the beautiful things you have. Raisa, this is my boyfriend, Sebastian."

Sebastian held out his hand, "Nice to meet you, Raisa. Your gallery is wonderful."

"Thank you. Are you down here visiting Angie?"

"Sort of. Sebastian lives here, but we're on our way to Angie’s after I show him around." I smiled at her slyly, "What's Angie been looking at?"

Raisa hooked her arm through mine and led me away from Sebastian, "Let me show you."

Sebastian stayed by the jewelry table then over to a tall thin shelf of books then to where I was looking. I touched his arm when he was close enough to show him the ceramic dipping bowls with different flowers painted on the bottom with a ring of leaves around the rim.

"Those are beautiful."

I agreed, "I'm going to get these for her. Raisa says she's touching them, but won't buy."

"I’m sure she’ll love them."

I stacked the ones I wanted and handed them to him, "I'm going to run to the ladies. Would you hold them, please?”

"Yep."

I kissed his cheek and headed to the bathroom. When I came out, he was taking a bag from Raisa. “What did you buy?” He pulled a leather journal halfway out of the bag. I ran my fingers over the smooth leather. “Beautiful.” I paid for the bowls and waited while Raisa wrapped them and found a box they’d fit nicely in. As with everything she tied a beautiful ribbon around the box. Color depended on the contents. For the bowls, she chose a green like the leaves that adorned all of them.

We wandered through a couple of art galleries and shops before heading to Grand Ferry Park. I used to sit out on the rocks and watch the water. I led Sebastian to my spot and sat on the concrete with our feet dangling over the edge. It was a great view of the city. I told him more stories and memories and we sat enjoying the view. I pulled his arm across his body to look at his watch. We needed to head to Angie’s. “I’m nervous.”

Sebastian took my hand and kissed it, “What are you nervous about, baby?”

“Meeting your friends. You meeting my friends.”

“I met your friends last week and you’ve already met my friends.” His voice held a hint of annoyance I found endearing.

“Yeah, but meeting them is different than meeting them with you.” The corner of his mouth turned up a little. “It’s important. Because they’re important. And you’re important.”

“It’ll be fine. Everyone we’re hanging out with tonight already knows each other. They’re already connected. We’re the missing piece. Since your friends like my friends and my friends like your friends there’s no reason your friends won’t like me and my friends won’t like you.”

“That’s a very good point.” He nodded with his eyebrows raised. Sebastian the overthinker had the answer. “So, you’ve already thought this through.”

“Absolutely.” He laughed and stood up, taking my hand to make sure I didn’t fall. “Not as much as you might think, but I had pictures of you at the wedding”

We grabbed a cab and were to Angie and Eli’s early. Not that they’d care. Inside, we started for the staircase, but Sebastian pulled me under the first flight. I was reminded of an earlier conversation about making out under the bleachers at school. Sebastian dug in the bag with his journal, pulling out a square box with a bright blue ribbon. He held the box on the flat of his hand.

I looked from the box to his eyes, “What did you do?”

He shrugged noncommittedly, “You asked Raisa what Angie was touching, but not buying. I asked about you, but since you’ve not been there in a while . . . we guessed. She showed me who’s work you liked and I picked what looked like you.”

I left the box in his hand and pulled the string on the ribbon and lifted the top. My breath caught. It was a beautiful silver and Roman glass necklace. Double circles of silver with chains met and led to a single drop circle of a swirl of deep blue Roman glass. Raisa had led him to the right place. I loved this artist’s work. I bit my lip and looked at him, “It’s beautiful, Bastian. Thank you.”

He smiled, looking a little bashful, “I thought it would look pretty with what you’re wearing.”

He picked up the necklace and I took the box before turning around for him to fasten it around my neck. I put my hand over it, to touch it, before turning around. “What do you think?”

“Looks beautiful on you, Emma.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He only had one free hand and it wrapped around my waist holding me close while we savored one another.

I don’t know what star I wished on to bring him into my life, but I need to find it again and wish for him to stay.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fun for a Sunday

~*~Sebastian~*~

I was right. The necklace looked beautiful against the white of Emma's t-shirt and played off the green of her eyes. She told me she loved the gallery, was there weekly and had several pieces in her place, but what she bought was for her friend. She didn't even really look for herself. So, I looked for her.

Up the stairs, Emma knocked on the door. I squeezed her hand. I believed what I'd told her and wasn't worried in the least. If our friends got along there was no reason to think she and I wouldn't fit right in.  
Eli opened the door and Emma gasped, "Your hair!" before letting go of my hand to hug him. From pictures I knew he'd cut off a good six inches, leaving his dark curly hair hitting his shoulders. He had perpetually tan skin, dark eyes, and what looked to be a couple of days growth of beard. I knew from Emma that his family was from Italy. He was good looking with the confidence and ease of a band's lead singer. As they hugged, I couldn't help but think he was exactly the type of guy Ed wouldn't have approved of.

Eli held her tight, "I've fucking missed you."

"Me too."

A high-pitched scream came from behind him. I was the only one startled. Emma let out the same glass-shattering sound and Eli let her go, moving out of the way. He winced and used a finger to rub his ear, "Always right in my ear."

I smiled and held out my hand, "Good to see you again."

"You too. Come on in."

Their apartment looked like a place where friends gathered. What should have been two rooms had been turned into one large one with a futon, a couch, an oversized chair, and a grouping of smaller chairs in what used to be a dining room. There was a big coffee table in the main room. Angie was much shorter than Emma, with a longish pixie cut. Her hair and eyes were dark. She looked more like a rock star’s girlfriend than a first-grade teacher. Then again Emma didn't look like a first-grade teacher except when we were coming or going from the train station. People have preconceived notions about me, about actors. I knew that wasn't unique, but never more so when I get stuck in the ways Emma was not what I envisioned as a first-grade teacher. The thought made me smile.

The volume of the two women died down and they stayed holding on to each other. Eli pointed to the long thin table by the door, "You can drop her shit there."

I held onto the bright pink one, "We brought dessert."

"Cool," he led me to the kitchen at the other end of the room. "They're going to be awhile. Beer?"

"Sounds great."

The way he ignored the two women told me this scene had been repeated several times, but his smile as he looked back at them from the kitchen door showed his love for both.

"How longs that go on?" I nodded in their direction and took the beer.

"Hard to know." Eli took a long drink of his beer. "How'd the workout go this morning?"

"Good. We ended up out in the park since it was not too hot." I decided to tell the rest of the story. "Don invited some other women along so she wouldn’t be the only one. Nice, except I knew one of them if you know what I mean."

He laughed, "Isn't that the fucking best?"

"I didn't get in too much trouble."

We were still laughing when Emma and Angie came into the kitchen arm in arm. Emma looked at our beers, "Started without us?"

Eli shrugged, "No idea how long you'd be."

Emma looked at me, "Sebastian, this is Angie." She shifted to looking at Angie, "Angie, this Sebastian.

Angie leaned further away from Emma, "Really?"

"What? You haven't met. I was introducing."

Emma looked to me for support. I smartly sided with the best friend, "I know who she is."

Angie quirked her eyebrow, "I’ve seen you somewhere before." She took a few steps forward and hugged me, "Nice to meet you, Sebastian."

"You too."

That was that. Emma came closer, putting her arm around my waist as I draped an arm around her shoulders. Eli handed the women beers and we stood in the kitchen talking and laughing.

When there was a knock at the door we headed out of the kitchen. Eli opened the door to Will and Alissa. I screamed, ran to Will, hugged him, and shook him back and forth. Will had no choice but to go with it. He backed away when I let him go, "What is wrong with you?"

The disgusted tone of his voice was funny. "I missed you."

"I saw you four days ago."

Behind me I heard, "He's being an ass." 

I faced Angie pointing at myself with an innocent look, "I thought that's how we greeted our friends. Eli opens the door and the one inside screams."

Alissa smacked the back of my head as she walked past me, "Ass." She hugged Angie then Emma. "His tantrum was ridiculous."

Emma smiled at me, "Very.”

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Eli, Will, and I walked away from the door to join the women. "I'd introduce you, but all my friends already know you.” I waved my hand dismissively, “Greet away.”

Will hugged her, "He's still butthurt."

Alissa picked up the pendant on Emma's necklace, "This is beautiful." 

"Thank you.” 

Will caught Emma's eyes cut to me. He looked at me and I shrugged.

Emma went on, "It came from that corner gallery I love." She looked to me, "Where's the bag?"

"By the door." As she walked by me, I reached out, our fingers hooking for a second.

There was a knock at the door, Emma picked up the bag, "I'll get it." She put a hand on her hip and opened the door. "You are always late." 

Kirk hugged her, "It's called making an entrance."

"It's called late." Boone kissed her cheek, "Hey, Em."

Kirk and Boone were an interesting pair. To see them you'd never think they were a couple. Boone was tall and stocky with scruffy light brown hair and brown eyes. The only time I'd not seen him in jeans and t-shirt was their wedding pictures. Kirk was short, thin, and not a blond hair on his head was out of place. He had striking blue-grey eyes. Kirk was always dressed in something that drew attention. The drummer and the stylist. Kirk had come a long way from a dresser on Gossip Girl. He was the stereotypical gay best friend and Emma said he often went out with them on “girl’s night”.

Kirk swatted at his husband affectionately, "Enough with both of you. I want to meet this new man you're dating."

I raised my hand," Hi. I'm Sebastian. Nice to meet you."

Kirk looked at Will, "Did you introduce them?" He walked over and hugged me.

Will shook to his head, "Nope. They did this themselves."

Kirk looked at Emma, "You live in Beacon." He shuddered.

"So do my parents." Emma had moved beside me and slid her hand in mine. "We met in the grocery store."

"How very rom-com."

Emma handed the bag to Angie, "I got you something."

Angie pulled the box out, "I love presents." She pulled the ribbon, handed to top to Emma, and pulled out the floral bowls. Her eyes lit up and she looked at her friend, "Emma! How did you know?"

"Raisa said you'd been touching them." The pair hugged again.

"I'm going to put them in the kitchen. Anyone want a beer?" 

Kirk pointed to the bottles set up on the peninsula, "I'II be going to the bar."

Angie yelled from the kitchen, "I mixed up some orange suicide, Washington apple, and margaritas." 

Eli translated for Will and me, "Orange vodka, cranberry crown royal apple pucker, and tequila with lime."

I laughed, "I knew the last one." 

Emma nodded to Eli, "Why don't you show Will and Sebastian around? I'II get drinks."

Eli said, "Beer."

I said, "Bourbon."

Will said, "Make that two."

Boone added, "Beer."

Boone went with us on the tour, which consisted of "there's the bathroom" and the second bedroom which was a music room. He had multiple guitars, bongo drums, and a lone tambourine. There was a shelf loaded with music and the walls were covered in concert pictures, posters from gigs, and with the headliner. They'd opened for and played festivals with some big names. Train, Bon Jovi, Cage the Elephant, and of course, Pearl Jam. The last being at a festival with close to fifty bands.

We headed back into the living room talking music.

Emma had our drinks laid out in a line on the coffee table. We grabbed them and filled in the space where they weren't. Eli and I stayed standing and Angie and Emma were both in the oversized chair. There was only so long I was going to tolerate that. I mean that in the silliest way possible.

By the time the food arrived an hour and a half later all of us were pleasantly buzzed. There was a good mix with the eight of us. Relationships varied in a way where things meshed. I didn't know Eli, but I knew Kirk well, and he knew Eli well. It was some weird six degrees of separation shit. Emma and I not being the only connection was good. With the overlaps (and alcohol) conversation and laughter were like we were a group of friends who'd known each other for years.

We were also all hungry. Angie pushed the liquor bottles to the side and took tops off the trays of sushi and sashimi. Emma washed the dipping bowls and handed them to Angie to load with the sauces, ginger, and wasabi. I don't know why, but it made me smile to see her so at home. She put a pile of plates by the food, handing one to me and taking one for herself.

Everyone gathered around the coffee table that held the dipping bowls. Emma sat at one end of the table with her legs crossed. I sat by her, stretching one leg out behind her, right up against her butt. Ah, sweet contact. She unwrapped her chopsticks then looked over at me. I smiled, putting a hand on her back, and leaning closer. I felt her hand on my leg a second before we met for a short kiss.

The food was as good as at the restaurant and everyone enjoyed it as much as I had. I was going back for more. I brushed Emma's hair over her shoulder, "You want anything?" 

"Anything tuna and if there's any uni left."

There was a chorus of gagging noises and ugly faces. Uni is a love it or hate it thing. I'm in the hate it camp. I stood up laughing, "I think you and Will are the only ones eating uni." I visibly shuddered. I tried to learn to like and failed miserably.

"You too, Bastian?"

I waited until I was on the far side of the peninsula where I could see everyone as I added food to my empty plate, "I tried. The texture and the taste don't match, it’s all wrong."

She let out a," Hmph" then looked at Will, "More for us."

"We have refined palates."

I shook my head, "Your family makes pizza."

Eli waved at me, "But it’s really good pizza."

"Thank you, Eli."

I sat back down, putting my plate on hers, and scooting it between us. Reminiscent of last night’s dinner.

Kirk looked disgusted as Emma picked up the uni nigiri. "It looks like a tongue."

Emma sneered and shook her head, "I don't eat things that can taste me back." She pointed at our plate, "Or things that can suck onto my tongue and fight going down."

I pouted and spoke quietly, "I like octopus."

Kirk again, "Do you know what uni is? It's not the eggs. It's the gonads that made the eggs."

Emma started to smile, "Kirk, do not try to tell me you find balls in your mouth to be offensive."

Everyone laughed. Kirk started to say something, stopped, then started again, "I guess that explains why Seb's smiling."

I held up my hands, "Again I’m drug into something I had no part of." 

Emma smiled and ran her finger I through the back of my hair, "Gonads this week. Drew last week."

I caught her hand bringing it over my mouth to kiss before wrapping our fingers together. Angie knew the name, "What did Drew do?"

We told the story, both of us adding pieces. Emma easily told his “joke” and I finished with,   
"Then there were a lot of shots and later trying to figure out how we wound up naked on top of the comforter."

"Those are good nights." Boone laughed.

"Not if it's not your bed and you’re not sure whose it is." Will’s contribution.

I pointed at him, "I remember that night. Sort of." I stacked the empty plates and took them to the kitchen. Angie joined me, condensing the food and spreading out the liquor again. She pulled out the pitchers of the drinks she'd mixed and took orders. While we were making drinks Will told the story how we'd started at a bar in LA and woke up in a house in the hills.

Emma took her margarita from me, "Ever find out whose house?"

Will shrugged, "Nope."

Emma had moved to the couch and I sat beside her, "We snuck out of the house and walked until we found street signs then called a car to come get us."

Emma folded her legs under her, making her lean a little into me. I put my arm around her, my hand reaching her forearm. my thumb rubbed over her skin. Her other arm rested on my leg; her hand fell to the inside of my thigh.

Several drunk stories later Eli narrowed his eyes at Emma, "What was in that bag you gave me?" 

Her eyes widened, "The restaurant where I used to work is now a bakery."

"She bought two of everything."

Alissa jumped up, "Dessert." Emma followed, taking my hand to pull me along. I stood in the corner beside her as she and Alissa pulled things out. Everyone had gathered around and were making choices. Emma had a custard tart and I had something coated with white chocolate and fresh raspberries. We each took a bite out of our own before I held mine out for her to try. She made a very sexual face, "Yours is better."

I opened my mouth, pointing inside, saying, "Ah ah ah."

Emma feed me and I disagreed, "I like that better. Trade me." There was only one bite left of both and we laughed feeding it to the other. I pulled her back into the corner with me. I snuggled into her ear, "The important people are getting along well."

She turned to face me, "You were right." She put her hand on my face, "You’ve got some of the white chocolate on your lip." 

I tried to look horrified, "Get it off." The warm press of her mouth turned horrified into happy. And while I don't think there really was any white chocolate, I'm grateful for the way her tongue looked for it. 

As we headed back to the others, Kirk grabbed Emma's arm and pulled her into the conversation with him and Will. I'd thank him later. I ran to the bathroom and when I came out Alissa waved me over to where she and Angie were. I'd thank her later too. Alissa had set me up. They had been talking about a children's hospital that Alissa did some fund raising for and she brought me in with the kids’ organization I supported in Romania. I rarely talked publicly about it because I wasn't doing it to look good. I believed in what they were doing. Charity you bragged about wasn't charity it was PR. I asked Angie if her school was doing the same thing as Emma's with recording lessons. 

"Not on the same scale. We don't have the tech and funds for that. Plus, I'm not excited about being on video. I don’t like watching myself."

I cringed, "Me either."

"Do you not see your own movies?"

"I try to drink first." Alissa and Angie laughed. "I watch the movie and not myself."

"Eli loves to watch, well mostly listen, to himself. He can enjoy the music, how good it sounds, without being distracted by the flaws. But he hears them and makes changes."

"I can do that with the director as we shoot. See what I do well and what needs to be different. The whole movie is different because" I spread out my arms, "it’s so big."

Will yelled over to us, "You wish it was that big."

I squeezed my eyes closed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Emma ran her hand down Will's arm, "He's very cute when he's embarrassed."

So was she. I held up one finger, "One word." Added three more fingers. "Four letters." Took away one and spread the remaining three. “Starts with a W."

Her reaction was instantaneous. Eli leaned forward and stared at her, "Are you blushing?" 

Emma's hands covered her cheeks and she started laughing. I stayed on the other side of the room and we got stuck in a giggle loop.

Will looked at her then me, "What did you two do?"

Angie looked confused, "I'm not sure I've ever seen you turn this red."

I shook my head and answered WIll, "Nothing to warrant that reaction." 

Emma glared at me, then looked at her best friend, "He's right. I have no idea what this is about." 

As she fanned her face, Kirk looked between us," Are you going to tell us the word at least?" 

We both said, "No."

For the next few minutes, they threw out every four-letter word beginning with W they could think of, looking for a reaction from one us. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. More than one person said 'wall', but Emma didn't blush. I looked at her with a smirk, "I guess it’s just me." Her cheeks went red again. I grimaced, "Sorry."

"No, you're not."

I fought not to laugh, "No, I’m not." 

"Someone save me." She looked around the room at our friends.

Kirk was nice, "How about some music? We've got drums, guitar, and vocals."

Boone, Eli, and Emma exchanged glances and nods. Eli said, "Sure" and they headed toward the guest room.


	49. Chapter 49

~*~Sebastian~*~

I was pretty sure this was going to cause problems for me. I took a seat on the couch next to the arm. Will sat next to me.

A few seconds later Kirk walked over and handed me a cup full of a red liquid. He winked, "I think you're going to need this." He sat on the other side of Will.

Will laid back on the couch looking at Kirk, "I think you're right."

Alissa brought Will a drink and joined Angie in the oversized chair, leaving the futon open.

Boone had the bongo drums and sat at the end of the futon with them between his legs. Emma sat closer to the other end with a guitar and Eli sat on the wooden arm. He had a guitar too but sat it on the floor beside him.

Angie's eyes opened wide, "Really?"

Eli shrugged and Emma said, "Maybe."

Kirk dug his phone out of his pocket and looked at Angie, "I got this." He used a glass to prop up his phone on the table close to the three. I could see he had them all in the frame. He sat back, grinning from ear to ear, "I fucking love being married to a musician."

Angie nodded her agreement, "Me too."

I feel like they looked at me. Why I don't know. I have no response. I know she can play, but I've never heard her, and we are lots of things, but married isn't one of them. Plus, I feel like something is going on I don't know about.

Emma started playing and I recognized "Heart Shaped Box." Her foot tapped to the beat and she watched her fingers. I watched her face. She was focused like during the volleyball tournament. Then she looked up and smiled at me.

Will tapped my cup, "You may want to drink faster."

Eli started singing. I turned my head to see Angie. She looked proud and very in love. The early in love where you’re amazed by everything your lover does and to you, they hung the moon. They'd been married since before Emma knew them, almost eight years. They'd dated two years before they married. I wanted to look at someone like that ten years in.

I put my attention back on Emma. Back on my girlfriend. Every so often she'd mouth the words, silently singing along.

"Iris" was next. Eli's voice was soft and the way he'd look at Angie made me think this song had meaning for them.

Emma went straight into "It's Been Awhile." I loved this song. Another dark love song similar to "Down in a Hole." That same longing. The line "I still remember just the way you taste" rips my heart out. Eli delivered it with all the emotion it deserved, eyes closed, and feeling every word. Emma's eyes were closed too, mouthing the words and her head moving along. This is why I loved these types of songs. I felt them and even the feeling wasn’t always happy, it felt good.

The next song was faster. Boone kept the rhythm and Emma's fingers were quick. I know nothing about playing guitar, but "Long Day" seemed like a more difficult song if nothing more than for the pace. My mouth hung open then turned to a smile when Emma provided the vocal harmony in the chorus. I wanted more of this.

"Never Tear us Apart" was both one of my favorite 80's songs and my favorite INXS songs. Talk about a powerful love song. No darkness either. I was going to need to add this to our slow dancing playlist. "I told you, that we could fly. Cause we all have wings, but some of us don't know why." Mmm, so good. All three of them were so into it and a look around the room showed the four of us were too. Imagine my surprise when for the last two trailing choruses Emma sang between Eli's lines. Different words with a slightly different melody. Without taking my eyes off her I reached out, grabbing Will's arm and holding on tight. It wasn't anything as dramatic as her having the voice of an angel. She didn't. Her voice was good and she could sing, but the thing was... that voice blending with her best friend’s and her guitar with Boone's drums was my Emma.

Emma stood up, "Tequila." She headed toward the bar then stopped, "First bathroom." She pointed and headed toward the bathroom.

Kirk huffed out a breath, "You're fucking up my recording."

She raised her hand high in the air and waved it in all directions, "It would be worse if I peed on the futon. Hit the pause button. Tequila!"

I shook my head and smiled, "She's so fucking cute." I believe Eli rolled his eyes at me.

Angie went to the bar, "I'll get us all shots."

I stood up and followed Emma. I wanted a moment to talk to her.

I heard Alissa snicker, "Where you going, Seb?"

Mimicking Emma, I held one hand high in the air and pointed down the hall. "This way."

There were laughs and more snickering behind me. What did I care? I don't have a point of reference for this. I've never dated someone who did something live like this. Movies and TV, yes. There's been some fun Karaoke nights, even some good performances, but that’s not making music from scratch. I'm watching them take nothing and make music. They have this down. Boone keeps the beat and has made the sections come alive. Eli can sing fucking anything. His emotions are all out for everyone to see and he's loving it. The passion he's letting out fills the room and touches everyone. And there's Emma playing guitar. I have to make myself not just stare at her hands, her fingers. The smile on her face shows she's having fun. She's also taking too long to pee. I finally heard the toilet flush.

I spread my legs and put my hands high on either side of the hallway, making myself an X to block her way. Emma came into the hall, turned toward me, and her face lit up in a smile, "Hey, handsome."

"Hey, beautiful."

She walked right up to me, stopping maybe an inch away, "Is there a toll to get back into the room?"

I hadn't thought of that, "Absolutely, but that's not why I'm here."

I felt her hands contact my waist and slide around to hold onto my back, her fingers splayed. She closed the distance, her body pressed against mine. Her green eyes turned to meet mine. With my legs spread we were the same height. "What’s up?"

The longer she stayed pressed against me, the more the answer to that was going to change.

"I wasn't expecting music. I'm enjoying it. A lot. Hearing you play and the bits of your voice."

"There's always music. I didn’t think to warn you."

I shook my head, "It's a good surprise. You're incredible." She started to say something, so I kissed her to shut her up. "You're going to say thank you and something about you messing up. I'II say the only way I know is because you make a face. I blame your shitty guitar teacher." Her smile felt warm all over me. "Let's skip to where I ask if you'll play for me sometime. My own private concert. And know that I'm kicking myself for not asking to hear you play sooner."

"Would that be the weekend we meet or after a tournament?"

"I see your point, but I feel like I missed something really good." I realize we haven't known each other long enough to do everything. I hadn't even thought to ask her to play for me. "Will you? Play for me?"

"There's very little I wouldn't do if you asked."

"Oof." I squeezed my eyes closed. That hurt. Her mouth was suddenly on mine and I dropped my arms from the wall to wrap around her.

We were interrupted by something hitting me in the back of the head. "What the fuck? "I rubbed my head and looked at the floor. "An ice cube?"

Kirk pointed at the empty spot on the futon, "I relate to wanting to make out with a hot musician, but break's over."

Emma peeked around me, "Do I have tequila?"

"I lose to a shot of tequila?"

She looked at me, eyebrows raised and lips curled in, "They have really good tequila here?"

Eli called out, "You should know, you brought it."

Emma grabbed my hand and led me back to the others, letting go when we reached the table. Instead of sitting down, she picked up the glass of tequila, "Everybody up." She waited for all to stand and held up the glass, "To good music, good friends, and good times." We clinked our glasses and downed the shots. Her eyes stayed locked on mine and she winked at me.

Eli handed her the guitar and picked up his, "Let's do this."

Emma stepped onto the futon and rested her butt on the back, stretching out her legs. My mouth watered.

Will leaned toward me, "This is getting serious."

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah." She had made space like whatever they were playing needed more. It hit me that Will might have meant she and I, not the music. The answer was the same.

The intro of "Hotel California" is one of the most recognizable things ever. I loved the Eagles and knew this wasn't a one guitar song, which explained both why Eli was playing and why Kirk and Angie were excited when they saw them come into the room. I’d read an article a long time ago that the chords aren't hard, but the timing and the dueling guitar part in the solo is very hard to get right. I was excited too.

Eli's voice was smooth. During the chorus, Emma joined in with backing vocals and anytime a lyric was someone other than the narrator speaking Emma sang. It was beautiful how seamlessly they traded off the vocals. This also means Emma sang, "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave."

The only word I can think of to describe the way they played was "cool". Watching them play off each other, the concentration, and the fun they were having was cool. I knew this feeling, when you were in sync with the other actors and the scene just worked. It was a great feeling. I was happy for her to experience and for me to be part of the magic.

When they finished the five of us clapped and yelled. Eli and Emma hugged each other laughing and Emma reached for Boone, pulling him into the group hug. Three more tequila shots materialized from nowhere. They saw them when they let go of each other and shot them back.

After returning to their spots Emma started playing "Black." I fumbled to get my phone. Kirk was recording them. I wanted her. I don't know if it was her or me, but this felt different. Maybe because I knew this was her favorite song. When it got to her favorite part, her eyes closed and she mouthed the words along with Eli. She came in with the “do do do” background. I saw movement to the side, looked over, and saw Angie wipe away a tear. I’d need to remember to ask about that.

I realize I’m not objective, but I thought it was great. I knew someone who would probably agree with me. It seemed to take forever for the video to process. Once it was finished, I sent it to Ed.

I'd heard the next song, "Here Without You", but I didn't really know it. The lyrics sounded like missing the one you love while on tour. Emma was quiet until the middle eight. A little harmony. A lot of ad-libs ending in a note she held so long I had to take a breath. The emotion was unlike the other bits she'd sung and my mouth hung open with half a smile.

They'd barely finished when Angie walked the space between the futon and the table. I smiled watching her purposeful stride to go for her husband. Except, she didn't go for Eli. She grabbed Emma's hand, "We need to talk." Emma nearly tripped coming off the futon, being nearly dragged behind her friend.

Alissa a stood up, looking at Will and about to laugh, "I'm going with them."

Kirk did laugh, looking at me, "The women have called a meeting about you."

I startled, "Me?"

He was on his way to the bar, "Oh yeah." He grabbed a stack of red cups, the pitcher of margaritas, and the bottle of tequila. He kissed the top of Boone's head, "I'm going to go be one of the girls."

I looked between the three left in the room, "That’s not about me."

Eli took both guitars and leaned them against the wall, "Oh it's definitely a meeting about you." He headed to the bar.

I spoke loudly, "What did I do?"

Will grabbed my jaw, "For starters, this lovesick puppy look you’ve had for the last half hour."

Boone spoke up, "Yep!"

Eli came back with a bottle of bourbon and a different brand of tequila. He poured messily, sloshing the brown liquid on the glass top of the table. He sat down, leaning forward on his knees, "To be fair it's more triggered by you than about you?"

I took a big swallow of bourbon. "Are you even speaking English right now? I have no idea what you’re talking about."

Everyone laughed. I was either drunker than them or not drunk enough. I didn't feel that drunk. I finished my bourbon and poured more.

"Emma has left out a lot of information about you. My wife is asking questions to fill in the holes."

"I’m starting to get irritated." Actually, I was starting to get pissed.

"We talked to Emma last week. She'd met you and you were dating. They talk almost every day. Ang's been excited to meet the man her best friend just started dating and then you two show up."

Will snorted a laugh, almost sending bourbon out his nose. "Seb, you have to know you're not acting like you met two weeks ago?"

"Exactly. Angie's expecting new and a little awkward, trying to figure each other out. Instead, you're carrying bags, helping her set up dishes, and making out in corners. And I'd bet a years rent you bought her that necklace. It doesn’t feel like you’ve known each other for two weeks. It feels like this is a relationship."

I nodded, "It is a relationship. I did buy her the necklace. Is this a problem?" I like them, I don't want this to be a problem.

Eli laughed., "It's a problem for my wife because this wasn't what she was expecting. Me either, but I adjust faster. I like that you're carrying her bags, buying her shit, and making out in corners."

Will chimed in, "Don’t forget the lovesick puppy face they both have."

Eli nodded, "I got no problems with this. She's always been happy, you're making her happier. She's comfortable enough to kiss you and play music. I’m trying to figure out what I can tell you to help you out.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Can we agree I'm doing fine on my own?"

"If it helps your fragile little ego. I'll stipulate you're doing fine on your own."

"Thank you." I realize it wasn't a victory.

"It's like if Emma asked Will about you. We're the best friends who love you despite your shit."

Will threw an arm around me, pulling me over to kiss my cheek. "I do love you despite your shit."

I shoved his drunk ass away, but I did like the sentiment.

Eli looked up then back to me, "She’s far from perfect, but she is one of the kindest people I've ever known. Avoids gossip and rarely talks bad about people. The negative is she is too nice to people who don't deserve it."

Will crinkled up his face, "Naive?"

"No." I shook my head. "She gives them the benefit of the doubt because you never know what someone's life is like and you may say the only nice thing they've heard all day."

Eli agreed, "That said, she cannot close a cabinet or a drawer to save her fucking life."

We all laughed and I asked, "What do you mean?"

"You don't notice. Yet. Tonight, when she was getting out plates she left the cabinet open. You closed it and the silverware drawer. When she cooks she leaves everything open until she's finished. Drawers in her bedroom are always open." He held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart. "Just a little, but always open. Drove me crazy when she lived with us."

"Never noticed."

"You will, my friend, you will.” He thought a beat, “This will help you out. If there's conflict she's going to say she doesn't want to talk. It’s like a knee jerk reaction. All you have to do is repeat the question or say something like we need to and she's fine. You don't have to give reasons or try to convince her. Just say you want to or she needs to hear it. It's a weird habit."

I pointed my finger at him, "That one I've seen. And you're right, I said we needed to talk and she didn't argue. Good to know. Thank you."

"She eats bologna straight out of the pack."

Boone made a face, "No bread?

Will and I spoke at the same time, "That's disgusting."

"And most importantly, she’s very competitive."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Oh no, no, you haven't." He started laughing and it took a good half a minute for him to stop. "We were at a beach bar in Hawaii and she and I joined this pickup volleyball game." He looked at Will, "Emma does not know how to play a friendly game of volleyball. Too many years of cut-throat collegiate sports. It was bar rules and whoever won the point won the game. It was Emma's ball. Easy play. Except the other guy on our team decided he could do it better. He blocked out Emma, couldn't get a good hand on the ball and it went off in the wrong direction. Not only did we lose, Emma had gone for that ball. We were sweaty and she threw herself face-first into the sand. She was covered."

I added in, "She hates sand."

"She popped up and went for him. Picture this. He's a good four inches shorter than her with steroid muscles. Emma is looming over him pointing a finger down in his face giving him hell. The fucks were flying . . . loud. I was frozen and stood there in shock, or possibly too high to care. Next thing I see is Ed coming across the sand, cigarette hanging from his mouth, and laughing. He tried to get her to calm down, which backfired. He hitched her up on his hip telling her "your sisters are here." She's flailing and yells, "And who the fuck's their father." She pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and throws it in the sand yelling "Get that out of my face." Ed is still laughing. He was smart enough to not take her near people. He headed straight out into the ocean. Kept walking from the beach to where it just drops off to twenty feet. We could hear them yelling, but they were far enough we couldn't make out what they were saying. The yelling turned to laughing and eventually they came back.”

"Who's Ed? Her dad?"

Eli looked at Will then me, "Shit."

I took over, "No, more like a godfather. Eddie Vedder."

"THE Eddie Vedder?"

"Yep."

Eli waved to get my attention. "Um..."

From his reaction, I knew he didn't feel comfortable sharing this information. I knew it was something she was careful with, "It's ok. We've talked about it."

"Really?" He seemed surprised.

I continued talking to Will, "She and her sister got into some trouble with drugs over the summer and she lived with his family her senior year of high school."

"How's she know him?"

"Family friend.” That was all I knew. We both looked at Will.

Eli filled everyone's glass, "I'm going to need you not to ask her about that?"

"Why?" I didn't understand the big deal.

"It's one of those stories you get told, not one you ask about."

Sounded ominous. "Should I be worried?"

He laughed, "No. It's not a fun story, but it was a long time ago and she's fine."

I realize Eli doesn't know me well enough to know I have no business prying into someone else's difficult memories. I have enough of my own.

"Emma wasn't the one with the drug problem. She didn't do anything more than coke at parties. Amy." I couldn't tell if the shake of his head was sad, angry, or a little of both. "Heroin isn't really a party drug. They both got shipped off to rehab. Emma came home first and was good until Amy came home. Amy wasn't ok and was angry that Emma was. They needed different things and her parents chose Amy."

Part of me wanted to tell him to shut up, but we'd been drinking enough for curiosity to win. "What do you mean chose?"

"Em will say she chose. She called Ed and asked him to get her out there. But she was sixteen. Never should have been in that position. Ed showed up, they signed over guardianship to him, and he took her back to Seattle." He laughed, which struck me as strange. I didn't hear anything funny. "He never signed her back over. Ed negotiated her scholarship, he signed all the college paperwork, he moved her into the dorms, and every chance he got he was at games. During breaks, she went home to Seattle or out on tour. When she and Jimmy split her parents wanted her to come back to Georgia. Ed wanted her to stay her and told her to pick where she wanted to live and he'd buy her an apartment. Emma wanted to do it on her own. I’m pretty sure he told the real estate agent he'd cover anything over her price range. I know he cosigned her mortgage. So, when Ed says she's family and introduces her as his daughter, he means it."

Will started laughing and shoved me, "She really doesn't give a shit who you are."

I laughed with him, "Not at all, but she understands the bullshit." I stopped laughing and looked at Eli, "I'm drunk, but I don't think you should have told me all this."

Boone had been quiet through all this. He finally spoke, "I knew most of this."

That made me feel better, but still. Eli smiled and finished his drink, "Maybe, but I don’t want you getting curious and asking and then things getting weird if she doesn’t want to answer."

It wouldn’t, but again, he doesn’t know. He’s trying to protect her. "That's very sweet of you. I appreciate it. I like you."

"I like you too. Plus, this was just the basics and you're going to pretend you know nothing."

I pretended to lock my mouth and threw the non-existent key over my shoulder. Probably should have put it in Emma's purse.

My phone buzzed, "Speak of the devil."

I read the text and looked at Eli, "Ed says good job and thanks for not fucking it up." I pursed my lips with a thought, "I don't feel like he's going to murder me anymore." All three laughed. "I'm pretty sure he's put some sort of tracking app on my phone so he can always find me. He scares me a little."

"Jimmy's still alive." Eli put his feet up on the table. "That man's drowning in estrogen with a wife and three daughters. They all have him wrapped around their little fingers. Scaring boyfriends is one of the few testosterone-laden things he can do." He smirked, "Plus it’s probably fun."

“Since you mentioned Jimmy.” I screwed up my face. I think. Parts of it are a little hard to feel. “I have questions. Did he go to Hawaii?”

“Yes.”

“To Ed’s house?”

Eli nodded.

“And since they went to college in Georgia, I’m assuming he saw where she grew up. In Alpharetta. With her surgeon parents.” I intentionally paused between each sentence.

Eli smiled and his chest moved with a laugh.

“What kind of fucking idiot thinks her paycheck is going to hold back his junior lawyer stupid ass?”

Beside me, Will snickered, “An idiot who doesn’t understand how old Southern money works.”

Will shook his head quickly then stopped, “Well, yeah, but mostly an insecure asshole who put her down to raise himself.” 

I rolled my eyes.

“I see you know those assholes.”

“I used to be that asshole.”

Heart Shaped Box ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UThKn_TmfmM>

Iris ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw>

It’s Been Awhile ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ>

Long Day ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lgoz3XkW1UM>

Never Tear Us Apart (Acoustic) ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEZsA6Af4iE>

(and the original video because Michael is amazing and the song is perfect <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIBv2GEnXlc>)

Hotel California (acoustic) ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qxaJHcCM2Q>

Black ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiwY8_JhYsI> (3:53 . . . worship Eddie)

Here Without You ~ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPBzTxZQG5Q>


	50. Chapter 50

~*~Emma~*~

The evening had been fun. By the time Kirk suggested music everyone was happily buzzed and carrying on like old friends. The teasing between Sebastian and I was fun. I don't know why I blush when reminded of us fucking against the wall. It had been hot if for no other reason than how his biceps felt while holding me up. Thank fuck its only him and not when anyone else says the word.

Eli, Boone, and I put together a song list in the other room. Over the years we'd played together many nights. I was much better at guitar than singing but loved to do both. The year in Hawaii playing with Eli and Ed had been the best. Angie's favorite was Hotel California. She liked how we played off each other and traded vocals. Eli and I had to be in the mood. The solo was more of a duel and the timing was difficult. It sounded better on electric guitar, but we'd tweaked things to make it our own.

The addition of Never Tear Us Apart was all Sebastian. Eli shook his head and smirked, "I hope he's liquored up."

"Why?" I had a jolt of panic. Why did he need to be drunk?

"Emiliana."

"Now the dad voice."

"This is a hell of a lot more than dating, yet for some reason, you're also trying to kill him."

I understood what he meant. I used to love it when I caught a performer's eye and sang to me. There's that moment where you're the only one in the room, connected through the music. It’s such a rush. Angie still feels that when Eli plays. Jimmy never felt that passion for music. He liked it, but it didn’t fill him the way it does me. Sebastian loves music, but who knows how he'll feel hearing us.

As usual, Eli could hear my thoughts. He kissed my cheek, "I never saw him look at you the way Seb does." We grabbed instruments and head back out Eli looked back at me, "Angie's going to have questions."

The first chords brought a change in Sebastian's face. Surprised morphed into his slight smile. The one where one corner turns up more than the other. I tend to get lost in what I’m playing. I drifted between the music and the room to look at him. By the end of the second song, it was clear my boyfriend was more like Angie than my ex. The way he looked at me made me a little nervous, which was a new feeling. I played for the joy of it, but of course, it felt good when people enjoyed the music, but I didn't chase that high. I knew the feeling because I chased the win in volleyball. Playing guitar was my meditation, it took me away, calmed me. My sudden nervousness was about wanting to keep that look on Sebastian's face. He was proud of me. Once I figured out the reason for the nerves they disappeared. Then I struggled to keep my eyes off him.

Sebastian recognized the INXS song immediately and his smile widened. He sang along, knowing all the lyrics. Near the and I sang an alternate chorus between Eli's lines. Sebastian grabbed Will's arm and didn’t let go.

Hotel California was next. I needed to pee and I needed tequila. I was not expecting Sebastian to be blocking the hallway like a big X when I came out. I wanted to start at his wrists and run my hands down his arms to his chest. The look on his face was predatory. I figured if I did what I wanted he'd either have an uncomfortable problem or we'd be in our hosts’ bedroom taking care of the problem.

His compliments, the complete conversation he had without me, and asking me to play for him led to my response, "There's very little I wouldn't do if you asked." I didn't mean that in a mindless simpering “I'd do whatever you asked” sort of way. I meant I trusted him to not take advantage. We both felt my words and his "oof" earned him a good long kiss.

Fuck Kirk and his ice cube.

The last songs were pretty intense and I wasn't sure what was next. Angie answered my question by dragging me off to her bedroom, "We need to talk."

I crawled into the bed, making myself comfortable. Angie started to close the door, but Alissa coming in stopped her. A second attempt was thwarted by Kirk carrying booze. Angie finally got it shut. Alissa was sitting on the bed while Kirk poured drinks. Angie walked to the other side of the bed, "What the fuck Emma? I mean..." she looked exasperated, "what the actual fuck?"

I’m confident this has something to do with Sebastian, but I’m not sure what. "I'm going to need more of a question than what the fuck. I'm a little drunk."

Kirk handed out cups of margaritas with extra tequila, "Here's to getting a little more drunk." He joined us on the bed.

Angie took a drink, "You called me not even two weeks ago gushing about this new man you'd meet. Lots of talking, a festival, dinner with his parents, and sex that left your parts tingling the next day."

Kirk high fived me, "I’m here for tingly parts."

Alissa looked perplexed, "You met his parents?" She held up her hand like a stop sign, "We need to catch up. Start at the beginning."

The more I told the story the shorter it got, plus they were more Sebastian’s friends than mine. Details were his to share. Main points and some cute things. Every now and then I’d see Kirk and Alissa glance at each other or one of them makes a face. I finished with, “And now we’re all here.” They looked at each other again. I pointed back and forth between them, “You’ve been doing this thing. Looking at each other. Is this what he does, his pattern? Because if it is he’s about to get a blow job that ends with his dick being separated from his body.”

Kirk put his hand over his crotch, “No, not what he does. Well, the romantic dinner and shit, but everyone does that. You’re not part of a pattern.”

Alissa didn’t even blink when I threatened his dick. “He threw you over his shoulder and carried you across a park?”

“It was fun.”

“I bet it was. You helped his mom make a bed before you’d had sex.” Her voice was slow. It was like she was confused by her own words. Or possibly the extra tequila margaritas were making everything slow. “You call your dad Ed?”

I sighed, “No, not my dad, well, yes, but not biologically. That’s a very long and not particularly pleasant story. I went and lived with Ed and his family my senior year.”

Kirk put his hand on Alissa’s leg, “Ed Vedder. She lived with Pearl Jam.”

She gasped, “That’s how you get good concert tickets.”

“He knows people.” I shrugged.

Angie looked at me, “So here’s my point. If it was anyone else, I’d call bullshit. You’ve known each other longer than two weeks. But since it is you, you’ve left out a lot. I don’t know what, but a lot. We’re getting together to meet this guy your dating, but you’re not dating. All the touching, and kissing, and eating off the same plate. He’s right up on you while we’re having dinner. You’re curled up next to him on the couch with your hand on his inner thigh. Telling stories together, little inside jokes, and whatever the fuck you’ve done that makes you blush. You don’t blush!” She poked me in my arm, “You’re way too comfortable together. Neither of you is acting like you’re dating. You’re a couple. This isn’t dating, it’s a thing.”

Kirk added, “When he followed you to the bathroom and blocked the hallway I thought for sure we’d lost both of you for a good half hour or so.”

“It was cute, though.” Alissa cocked her head to the side as she spoke. She pointed, “Did you give you the necklace?”

I put my hand over, touching the cool silver, “He bought it while I was in the bathroom at the gallery.”

Angie threw her hands up, “My point exactly.”

Well, that made zero sense. My voice was raised, “I don’t know what you want me to say. I thought I was really clear how much I like him. You’re acting all butt hurt because I’m in a relationship and have a boyfriend.”

“Right there! Those words. Boyfriend and relationship. We talk or text every day and you’ve never used either of them.”

“It’s been a busy twenty-four hours.”

The ridiculousness of my statement got us all laughing and we fell together on the bed. Miracle we didn’t spill margarita everywhere. The laughter died down and we slowly righted ourselves on the bed.

Angie laid her head on my shoulder, “I was butt hurt because you didn’t tell me.”

“There wasn’t anything to tell. I explicitly told them last weekend not to call him my boyfriend. Then Drew asked him if he was my boyfriend and he said yes and nothing else was said about it until last night.” Alissa and Kirk looked at each other again. I was rambling, but tequila wasn’t let me stop. “I tell you what, it was much easier in college when you just kinda were boyfriend and girlfriend. Those words sound stupid at twenty-eight and involve awkward conversations. Only it wasn’t all that awkward because we’d already talked about wanting to see where we went.” Again with the looking. I couldn’t leave it alone, “You two have got to stop with the looking at each like you know something I don’t. You’re making me paranoid.” Then I was back to rambling, “All the touching and kissing is just Sebastian.”

They were looking at each other again and they each raised a hand. I rolled my eyes. “What?”

Alissa said, “No, it’s not.”

“Unless just Sebastian is code for nothing like Sebastian.” Kirk scrunched up his face and shook his head. “If you look online you’ll see some PDA, but most of that shit is staged. Pap walks and events.”

“His and her PR.” Alissa joined in. “It’s part of it when two actors are dating. I’ve never seen pictures of the non-actress he dated. It was before fans stalked his apartment.”

“There’s spontaneous shit out there, but not much.” Kirk looked at Alissa, “I don’t know about later girlfriends, but early ones . . . let’s just say he’s grown out of being an asshole.”

“I know about her.” I looked at Kirk and he winked at me.

“Seb is different with friends than girlfriends. I see him with Will then with a woman and they’re not the same person most of the time. That’s a complaint, and he knows this, that he’s not emotionally available to women. He’s in his head too much. Pretty much everyone gives him shit about thinking too much and not just feeling.”

I got up and brought the pitcher of margaritas back, topping everyone off, as Kirk continued. “He has feelings. Lots of feelings. He keeps them on the inside. One may escape, but he tucks that fucker away as soon as he notices.”

Alissa grabbed my arm, “I don’t want to scare you. He’s a great guy. Out there . . .”

I interrupted her, “I don’t know this guy you’re talking about. Our first date, as soon as we sat down, he held my hand on the table. For almost nine hours we sat talking and holding hands. If he’s close enough, he’s touching me. And if he’s not close enough he makes it where he is. I know the overthinking thing because we’ve talked about it and when it happens, we figure out how to get him out of it. And emotionally unavailable is not even close. In under five minutes, he was telling me he was anxious trying to figure out how to ask me to dinner. I know what he’s feeling because he’s easy to read or he tells me. I’ve never felt kept at a distance or on the outside. He’s always let me in.”

Alissa put her hand over my mouth, “Let me finish, you drunken cow.” She laughed. I licked her hand and she moved it, wiping her palm on her pants. “I don’t even want to think where your tongue has been. What I’ve been trying to do is contrast the Seb I’ve seen with women, the Seb I see with friends, and the Seb tonight. The one out there matches the one with friends. The unguarded, happy, fun Seb. I don’t what’s different with you, but I’m glad it is because the Seb I know will be a great boyfriend.”

“I do want to know where your tongue has been.”

I looked at Kirk and shook my head, “We are not talking about where my tongue has been.”

“How about your fingers? Where have they been?”

“We’re not talking about my fingers. We are also not talking about where his tongue or his fingers have been.” I physically shuddered, “I will tell you that man has skills.”

Angie gave me a side-eye, “You’re in love with him.”

“No, I am not.” All three of them looked at me. I sensed they did not believe me. “I am not in love with him.” I put my finger to my lips as I did with my kids to keep them quiet. Remarkably it worked here too. “I am falling in love with him. Probably from the moment I realized he wasn’t a lost rehab patient. Any guesses how I know he feels the same way?”

“He told you.”

I nodded at Alissa, “Yeah, he told me.”

Kirk stood up and pulled at my hand, “Let’s go back out there and see what our men are up too. We’re out of margaritas.”

I grabbed the pitcher, “I’ll make more.”

“You have to actually put margarita mix in or it’s just a pitcher of tequila.”

“One time. I did that one time.”

Cackling would be the best word to describe what we were doing down the hall into the family room. We'd pulled each other off the bed and were still holding hands. All four men were kicked back with their feet on the table.

Sebastian looked at our giggle train, “This is weird."

Eli looked at the pitcher dangling from my and Angie’s joined hands, "You drank that whole pitcher?"

Alissa tapped her front teeth, "I can't feel my teeth."

"I'll make more," I repeated my words from earlier and headed to the kitchen.

I could hear Kirk's voice perfectly, "Your wife called your girlfriend a drunken cow, so Emma licked her. Nobody but me wanted to know where her tongue had been."

There were several groans and one, "I already know."

I yelled, "Poart ă-Te frumos, Sebastian." <Behave yourself>

He laughed, "Niciodată, iubito."

"In engleza."

"Never, baby"

"Is that Romanian?" It was Will’s voice.

I put the pitcher of mostly tequila margaritas on the bar and headed toward my emotionally available boyfriend, who answered, "Yes, it’s Romanian."

Will looked at him strangely, "You’re teaching her Romanian?"

"No, she's teaching herself strategic words and phrases." He left out so I could say his name the way he likes. He looked at me and said, "Her desperate attempts to get me to fall in love with her are so transparent."

Sebastian was looking at me so he didn’t see Alissa and Kirk do a double-take. I looked at them and tried not to laugh.

Eli wanted to know, "What was the first thing she learned?"

Sebastian put on a smirk, "More."

I sat beside him, hand back on his leg, "Wrong. It was welcome back."

"Oh yeah." He got a little lost in the memory of what happened next. "Then something happened."

I felt my cheeks turned red.

Will was closest, "Now we know when. I have a thousand dollars to whoever figures this out.”

Sebastian handed me his phone opened to his text app. "Ed" at the top, a video, and a message telling Eli good job and "Tell Em I love her."

I sent back, "Love you too, dad. ~ Emma."

Kirk took a drink of the new margaritas, "Umm, this good. We should play Candy Land."

I jumped up, "I'll get the game."

Angie followed, "I'll get the paper."

"I'll get a bowl." Alissa headed to the kitchen.

Kirk held up the pitcher, "I'll fill the cups."

The game was on a shelf across the room, so I was back quickly. Will or Sebastian must have made a face because Boone explained, "It's a dirty never have I ever, truth or dare drinking hybrid."

Sebastian took the box top from me and started reading the rules. Angie came back into the room, handing out paper and pencils, "How do you not know Candy Land?"

He pointed to the age range on the front, "Three to five. I was in a communist country. No Candy Land."

"Did you have candy?"

He shook his head.

I took the top away from him, flinging it away like a frisbee, "We don't play by these rules anyway." I grabbed the stack of cards and turned to Sebastian and Will. "You pick a card and move to the next spot of that color."

Alissa dumped a Ziploc of folded slips of paper into a bowl, "One square you pick a never have I ever or truth from this bowl. Two squares you pick from this and from the dare bowl. If you don't want to answer the truth you pick a dare."

I showed them one of the candy cards, "If you pick one of these you have to do a shot."

Kirk added, "You have to drink every turn."

Will looked at me, "Did you invent this?"

Eli spoke, "Actually, this is Boone and Eli creation. We found it in a dressing room on tour and repurposed it. There's a lot of downtime as an opener."

"And groupies," Angie mumbled.

"And groupies." Eli grinned, "There were mostly dares back them. The questions were dirtier." He waved his blank sheet of paper, "Everybody adds a couple of questions or dares. We toss the crap ones." He swirled his hand in the bowl of papers, "Some of these are very old."

Angie smacked his hand and rolled her eyes, "We've taken out all the girl on girl dares."

"Made things less fun, you mean." Boone and Will shared a smile, "Back when I thought I was straight."

Will and Sebastian started to write and Will said, "We'll just put a couple of those back in."

Alissa smiled, "Be careful, baby. You could be the one to pull out anything you write."

Sebastian shrugged, "I'll risk it."

"Isn't that right, Emma?" Alissa had ignored Sebastian, but he heard her just fine.

His head swiveled to me, "What did you do?"

I waved my hand dismissively, "Something about making sex noises."

Eli is an ass. "It was imagining a movie character going down on you. Verbally act it out to orgasm."

I closed my eyes. A voice behind me said, "Do I want to know?”

I shook my head rapidly, "No."

My previous best friend said, "Aragorn."

I kept my eyes closed and held up my middle finger in her direction.

"Hmm." I could clearly imagine the cocky smirk on his face as he said, "Could have been worse. Could have been Thor. All that hair."

Alissa chuckled, "I always thought Cap was too earnest to give good head."

Kirk added, "Bucky had the pre-lubed arm."

Sebastian managed to get out, "Yeah, but she..." before I put my hand over his mouth and said, "Stop talking."

Predictably, he licked my hand. "Won't work. I'm unconcerned where your tongue has been."

I kept his mouth covered as I stood up. I moved my hand and gave him a smacking kiss before I moved to the futon across from him.

"Why are you over there?"

Boone looked over, "Never get to do anything fun with who you're sitting next to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's fall break and my state is still a hot mess of can't go anywhere. Guess I'll write instead. ;-)


	51. Chapter 51

~*~Sebastian~*~

I love stupid drinking games. One of the reasons Marvel press is fun is because of the dirt we have on each other from drunken nights and hours of waiting. Both result in otherwise inappropriate questions. This was just an organized version. When Boone said you never had fun with who you were sitting next to, I started counting people between and wrote a dare to make out with the person three people to your right.

Eli went first because it was his invention. Plus, since everyone did the never have I ever and could jump in with the truths, and the point wasn't to win, it didn't matter who went first. Straight in he pulls out, "Never have I ever had a threesome."

Me, Boone, Eli, and Alissa drink. I didn't know about Alissa. Will didn't drink, but he did laugh, "Bunch of whores."

Alissa shrugged, "Everyone experiments."

Kirk looked at her, "Not everyone. About half."

Emma was next, "Last movie that made you cry? Easy A Star is Born. I cried twice during. Sat threw the credits crying. Then absolutely sobbed in my car for another ten. Then went to see it again the next day and cried just as much."

Everyone shared theirs. Mine had been a month ago when ET was on late-night TV.

Alissa got two squares, so she got a question and a dare. Angry sex or makeup sex. Me, Eli, Kirk, Boone, and Emma were in for the angry sex. Alissa had to take off her bra and hang it from a light.

Boone had to share his worst sexual experience. That led to some funny shit. Eli had a woman throw up on his dick. He claimed the tour bus gave her motion sickness. Emma's was a guy who said his own name when he came. Mine was in the back seat of a car, missing a stroke when the cop banged on the window and thinking I’d broke my dick.

Angie pulled, "Never have I ever sent nudes." All of us drank. Will's truth was his virginity story. Kirk's ended in tears, but he wasn’t the one who cried.

I got a double color. Least favorite sex position and why. Sixty-nine because I can’t fully enjoy either and I wind up focusing more on my blow job and do a shitty job taking care of her. Emma's was reverse cowgirl because there's a problem with angle of entry and an unflattering view of her ass.

"There is no unflattering view of your ass." That just popped out.

Angie agreed with Emma, "She's right. Because in reverse cowgirl your ass is going to connect with his body and jiggle. Gravity works much better to smooth things out in doggy style."

Will smiled, "The jiggle is a feature, not a bug. But I do agree with the dangerous angles." All the straight men cringed.

My dare was to switch places with either person beside me, have the next person sit on my lap, with my hand on their inner thigh until my next turn. I ended up feeling up Angie in my lap. If I’d gone the other direction, I’d have Eli in my lap. My way was better.

Kirk read, "Never have I ever had phone sex."

Emma didn't drink, but she did glare at the woman in my lap. I raised an eyebrow, "Opposed or opportunity?"

She smiled as she said, "Opportunity."

I hummed, "You'll be in Georgia and I'll be in Canada next Sunday."

"I know."

"A lot of distance."

I started to say something about getting to be the teacher, but Angie swatted me and pointed a finger at Emma, "Any erection he gets is going to poke me in the ass, so stop what you’re doing."

You get the idea. Conversations about sex, preferences, and dislikes. Some basic shit with movies and music. Some good questions, so not so much. I learned Emma loves lazy morning sex, but not lazy evening sex. She learned I like it when she takes my hand because that's her wanting the contact.  
Everyone had to answer how many times they had sex in the last week. That wasn't fair. Not because I'm embarrassed by the number, but because it’s a lot to remember. I said, "Seven?" Emma pointed up. "Eight?" She nodded.

Angie and Alissa exchanged a look, "No wonder her parts we still tingling the day after he left."

Will got a dare to explain in detail his last sexual experience, pick someone else to share, and then everyone had to vote. Wonder who he was going to pick? I prepared myself. Will and Alissa had a perfectly acceptable Thursday night with three position changes. She orgasmed during position two, switching to three to finish him. He told a good story that made his wife blush. He finished and looked at me. What did I say? I knew he’d picked me. Only he didn’t. He pointed to Emma.

Emma threaded her fingers together, turned her hands out, and cracked her knuckles.

What followed was a rather detailed accounting of our shower this morning. The physical part anyway. With just the physical description I realized just how much we talk during sex. I was filling that part in as she wove the story. Specifically, her asking if she should finish me and how her question nearly did. She didn’t share that part and her eyes darting to mine gave me a thrill.

As soon as she stopped talking everyone pointed at her, including Will. He nodded in my direction, “He alludes to a four-letter word starting with “W” and you’re blushing, but not one hint of pink from the erotic shower story?”

She took a sip of her drink, “I don’t like to lose.”

Angie raised her hand, “How did you not fall over? Showers are so slippery.”

Emma stood up and put her foot on the futon, “Tiled bench on the wall and a cut out shelf to hold onto to.”

I saw her put her hand on Eli’s shoulder and covered my face with my hands, “Somebody make her sit down.” I shook my head, “So fucking thankful Angie isn’t in my lap anymore.”

I heard Kirk laugh, “I think she’ll do fine with phone sex, Seb.”

His words got my attention. I dropped my hands, “Oh shit!”

A perfectly innocent question, “What’s your favorite thing about your birthday?”, took a turn. Angie had answered buying her favorite cupcake and two new ones from a bakery close to her school. Emma answered how it was her guilt-free day to be pampered and do whatever she wanted. Will smirked, “Birthday sex.”

Heads nodded with agreement. I shook my head, “Birthday sex means anal.”

Everyone laughed and Will shoved me. Hard.

Alissa crossed her arms over her chest, “Do not even act like that’s the only day you get it.”

Eli snorted, “I never get birthday sex.”

“You’re not getting non-birthday sex tonight either.” Beside me, Angie crossed her arms over her chest too.

I half expected Emma to cross her arms in solidarity. I was struck with a drunken laughing fit. Others joined in.

Eli was not one of them, “How’s your birthday, Seb?”

“My birthday is in August.” See how I dodged the question.

Kirk started laughing so hard I thought he might piss himself. “Eli never gets birthday sex. Will has bonus birthday sex. I have lots of birthday sex.” He looked at me and pouted, “And poor Seb doesn’t know what he gets for his birthday.” He let out a very loud snort, “Straight people and anal.”

Emma pulled, “Pick a stripper or lap dance song.” I was fascinated by the way her eyes shifted from up and left to up and right and the way she chewed on her lip as she thought. She was thinking hard.

Eli elbowed her, “It’s not that hard of a question, Emeliana.”

She flipped him off, “Don’t Let Go, En Vogue.”

I have no idea what anyone else said. I was too busy finding the song on Spotify and creating a playlist. Will elbowed me. I looked up to see everyone looking at me. “Oh, not doing either. Naked is fine. Naked and dancing . . . nope. Too many body issues for that.”

Eli looked at me strangely, “Damn, if you’ve got body issues the rest of us are fucked.”

Emma smacked the back of his head, “You damn well know that outside and inside don’t necessarily match.”

He rubbed the back of his head, “Sorry. Fuck, that hurt.”

My text alert went off. It was from Will, who was sitting next to me. “Keep her.”

The questions and stories went on. The “game” ended when Eli reached the Candy Castle after skipping a big chunk of the board going through some sort of wormhole involving dots on spaces. I think he made it up.

We all did a celebratory shot and Emma pulled Angie off the couch, dropping down next to me. Alissa squished in between Emma and Will, so when we put our arms around the women, we brushed hands. Us, being us, we held hands for a few minutes. Long enough for Angie to take a picture and text it to Emma and Alissa.

I don’t even know how long we sat talking and sharing laughter. It was a good night. The kind of night you want to remember and never want to end. I would have never imagined a guy who’d dressed me over ten years ago on a TV show would be part of a couple who bridged my world and the world of a woman I met in a grocery store. A woman I adored more every day.

Everyone seemed to decide the party was over at the same time. We shared an Uber with Will and Alissa back over the Williamsburg bridge, dropping us off first. Inside the elevator Emma attacked me. Damn woman lacks self-control. I was going to wait until we got into my apartment. Instead, I found myself trapped in the corner, a hand on the back of my neck and one on my crotch. Sloppy, sloppy kisses were a preview of what was sure to be equally sloppy sex. We zig-zagged down the hall, fell through the door, and started shedding clothes on the way to my bedroom. She pushed me onto the bed and we fought with my jeans, laughing the whole time. Finally, we figured out my shoes had to come off first. I slapped at the nightstand drawer a few times before finding the handle and managed to get the condom on. Emma had much better luck with her shorts. I’d already pulled the drawstring on our way, so I gave her a head start. She straddled my hips and sank down on me.

I groaned loudly, “You feel so fucking good.”

Emma’s fingers pressed into my stomach, “You too.”

I used my thumb on her clit while she rode me. At least, I think I did. I was in the general vicinity. Precision with fine motor skills is one of the first things that go for me. I tried. It felt good, but I wasn’t getting any closer to an orgasm. I held onto her hips and rolled us over. Luckily, it only took two or three strokes to realize I wasn’t inside her anymore. We laughed as I got us back on track. A lot of groping and messy kisses later I pulled out and rolled onto my back. I looked over at her, “This isn’t gonna happen for me.”

She convulsed with a laugh, “Me either.”

While we laughed, I took her hand and held it against my stomach. “I don’t think you’re a real couple until you’ve had a sex failure.”

“And I have no confetti to throw.” That started us laughing again. “Hey, your dick’s not broken and nobody yelled their own name, well, any name.”

“It could be worse.” I let go of her hand, lifting my arm for her to cuddle up. “Let’s go to sleep and forget this ever happened.”

“Not a chance.” She kissed my chest.

I pulled my head back and glared at her, “I don’t like you anymore.”

Emma kissed me very softly, “Yes, you do.”

I smiled, “Yeah, I do.”

~*~*~

About seven I sprang up in bed finding it hard to breathe. Night terror. Emma was sleeping soundly and I didn’t want to wake her. I picked my underwear off the floor and went to the other room. I sat in my favorite chair, focusing on my breathing to pull myself out of this. The racing heart and hyperventilating had me feeling dizzy and with numb extremities. Middle of the night panic is the worst. If I’m awake I can usually catch it quickly and do what I need to manage. In the middle of the night, I’m a couple of steps behind. Takes a little longer to calm down. When I left the calm place I visualize and opened my eyes I was better. The panic had passed as it always does. It would take a little while for the adrenaline to metabolize. I padded quietly to the bathroom, not wanting her to wake up and see me like this, to brush my teeth and wipe away the sweat. Back to the kitchen, I grabbed the biggest bottle of water I had. My journal was in the office. I swung by for it before heading back to my chair. My rule for this is to just write. Thinking or trying to figure out what was going on never worked. I would look back later, but for right now it was just stream of consciousness.

I heard Emma in the bathroom about an hour later. Putting my journal on the coffee table, I turned in the chair to be able to see her. When I’d gone to the bathroom, I’d moved our discarded clothes to the bedroom. She must have found them because she was in my shirt. Talk about something to put an instant smile on my face. I reached out a hand for her, “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Emma took my hand, letting me lead her to sit on my lap. She pressed her lips to mine before laying her head on my shoulder. “I missed your warmth.”

Kissing her head, I hugged her closer and made an instant decision to tell her. “I’ve been up for a while. Had a night terror. Fucking hate waking up in that panic.” Now, as I say it aloud, I realize even more than the panic, I hate feeling weak and out of control.

Emma lifted her head, her green eyes meeting mine with soft concern. She ran her fingers from my temple, around my ear, down my neck, over my beard, and finally to rest on my chest. “What do you need to take care of you?”

I smiled and kissed her. Fuck. I should have woken her up because the last ten seconds had done more to calm me than everything I’d done in the last hour. “I’m ok. Meditated, water, journaling.” I pointed to my journal.

“Any luck identifying the trigger?”

I shook my head, “Na, just wrote. I see my therapist on Thursday. She’ll tell me.”

She laughed, “Will she? Mine won’t tell me anything.” She imitated a voice I didn’t know, “I’m here to help you find your answers, not give you mine.”

“Good point.” I kissed the bare slope of shoulder not covered by my shirt.

“It’s been years, but I remember the after felt like bugs crawling through my veins. And the shaking.”

I held out my hand, watching the slightest tremor, “Not so bad.” Her fingers laced with mine, steadying more than my hand.

“Why don’t you go for a run and burn it off?”

“Thought about it, but didn’t want you to wake up to a note and think something was wrong. Too much to write out.” The thought of her thinking this had anything to do with her was enough to get my heart racing again.

“If there’s a next time, I’ll know.”

I like that she didn’t automatically tell me she wouldn’t have wondered.

Before I could voice my thought, her hand was on my face and she kissed me, “Seriously, Bastien, go for a run.” She nodded toward the door.

“And leave you here?”

“I will be right here when you get back.”

There’s a comforting thought. “Ok.” A run sounded good. Usually, I’d head to the gym early and hit something cardio and I’d be back to normal before the rest of the guys got there. She stood up and took my spot when I went to put on some clothes. I pulled my running shoes out of the closet and sat on the couch to tie them. “I won’t be too long.”

“Take as long as you need. I’ll shower. Maybe switch around some of your drawers and cabinets.”

“Sounds good, enjoy yourself. Still want me to show you around today?”

“Absolutely.” She put her hand over her stomach, “You’re going to have to feed me.”

“I can do that.” I kissed her and headed out the door.

I put in my earbuds, cranked up the music, and just ran.


	52. Chapter 52

~*~Emma~*~

It's been a very long time since I've had a panic attack, but I remember how weak and out of control I felt. The only way through is to let it have you. The more you fight the worse it gets. Diving in, letting the cycle run its course, letting the adrenaline fade, is scary and difficult. I hate for him to have to deal with this. I know all I can do is support. I can't find the miracle fix for him and anyone else trying to talk you down can interrupt your process, your coping skills. Depending on someone else to pull you through is dangerous because no one can promise they will always be available. We're still learning each other. Hell, everyone is, so we're not unique. My instinct was to give him permission to take care of himself.

I wish I could say his fear that me waking to a note wouldn't have made me wonder if something was wrong. After what Kirk and Alissa had said last night, I can't be sure a note wouldn't have scared me. But I was awake and happy when Sebastian took off out the door. We were going to have to talk about what they said and what the conversation was in the room he was in.

Sebastian started laughing right through the door, which was what I was going for. I'd taken a shower, dressed, and sat on the couch reading with a cup of coffee. As soon as I heard him unlocking the door, I flipped around where my crossed legs were up the back of the couch, my back on the seat, and my head hanging off the edge. I said, "Hey, baby." and started to sit up.

"Don't move." He threw his keys on the table near the door and ran over, dropping to his hands and knees when he got close. Crawling the last few feet, he kissed me upside down. It's harder than I expected, but we worked it out. Sebastian sat on the floor, adjusting his position until my head on his shoulder wasn't fucking with my neck. He ran his fingers through my hair, combing it down his chest. He made a contented sound; part sigh, part moan, and part hum.

I turned my head to kiss the side of his neck. "How you doing?"

"Good. Back to normal. Sweaty." He turned to kiss my temple. “Thank you."

"Not needed."

"Yes, it is."

The tone of his voice, the seriousness, told me while it was no big deal for me to let him do what he needed, for him it was. Kind of how our first night him making sure I knew he'd stop if I said to meant something different to each of us. I said a simple, "You're welcome" and added, "Anytime, Sebasti-an."

I didn’t know “anytime” in Romanian, but I wanted his name anyway.

"Oricând." He turned where we could see each other.

I repeated, "Oricând, Sebasti-an."

"I believe you."

We smiled into a crazy intense yet sweet kiss, ending with him kissing my nose. "I'll go de-stink myself then we'll hit this cafe I ran by."

"Yum."

He turned halfway to the bedroom, "Did you rearrange anything while I was gone?"

"What fun would it be to tell you."

Twenty minutes later Sebastian reappeared in black shorts and a heather gray t-shirt. I wore green shorts and a cream t-shirt. We were walking so we both laced up our shoes and headed out.

It was a gorgeous day. Bright blue sky with fluffy white clouds. I pulled down my sunglasses, "Lead the way."

Sebastian took my hand and pointed, "Two blocks north, one east. I put my name on the list. Our table should be ready when we get there."

Like yesterday we walked slow and close. The three or four inches he was taller than me made a difference in our strides, but we got in sync quickly where it didn’t look like I was being drug down the street or trying to pull him back. I like holding hands. I like the innocent familiarity of it. It's nearly impossible to walk with your arms around each other. Plus, that looks clingy. Standing still with arms around is ok, but walking is awkward and too try-hard. We could walk down the street separate from each other. We could, but what fun would that be. Besides we're in the first blush of a new relationship. Touching might be a rule. It certainly seems it is for us. I can understand where people see holding hands as an adult as clingy. For me, I want to feel his warmth. I want my touch to let him know I’m attracted to him and want to touch him. If that's what clingy means, so be it. Not like I have any control over what other people think anyway.

I could see the sidewalk tables when we turned the corner and seconds later the smell hit. Fresh bread, rosemary, and something sweet. Maybe banana pancakes? We had to wait for our server to finish clearing our table. We leaned against the railing by the hostess stand watching people and looking at the food. I leaned in toward him, "I love this already."

Sebastian nodded, "I've been here twice, both times amazing."

The hostess came back to take us to our table. Sebastian took my hand and lead the way. He pulled out my chair and kissed me before moving to his chair. Tables were packed rather tight and there was a near constant rumble of voices, pieces of conversations, some you could follow and some were too hushed. It was easy to tell who wanted to be heard. We were on the side next to the railing with a good view of people passing by.

I was excited to see guava juice on the menu. It was my favorite in Hawaii, but hard to find other places. Fingers crossed it was good. While our server, Kim, was off getting our drinks I leaned back in my chair and looked out onto the street, "I forgot how much I love the city. How different things feel even on the same block. Boutiques, grocers, restaurants. There’s always something to explore. I miss it. I haven’t been exploring in a long time. When I come down to see Ang and Eli, he’s usually playing so it’s mostly nightlife. Not a Sunday brunch and stroll around the neighborhood.”

Sebastian laid his hand on the table, motioning his fingers for mine. He waited until my fingers were in his before speaking, “That makes me happy. Us doing something you haven’t in a while.”

“Me too.”

“Feel free to load me down with bags if you wanna do some shopping. Lots of clothing shops around here.”

I smiled, “I’m more of an impulse shopper than a browser. Something in a window may catch my eye and pull me in. I’m not much for searching racks.”

“I search. Never know what hidden gem is shoved in between crap.”

“The exception is galleries like last night.”

“We should go back sometime when we don’t have to be anywhere.”

The food was delicious. We talked and laugh through our meal, sharing bites of what we liked best and as usual finding the other had something we liked better than our own. Kim took our empty plates away and we sat finishing our drinks and waiting for her to bring back the check. Something behind me caught Sebastian’s eye and he looked at me, “We’re going to have company.” I didn’t turn to check. A few seconds later two teenage girls were beside our table on the opposite side of the railing. Sebastian smiled, “Good morning, ladies.”

They smiled, one of them chewing nervously on her lip. The non-chewer spoke, “We didn’t want to interrupt your breakfast and were going to wait until you left, but we’ve got to meet our moms in like five minutes.”

He nodded, “Thanks for trying.”

I knew he didn’t like being approached during meals, but we were done. I couldn’t help but smile with the way they shifted from foot to foot and looked ready to either scream or burst into tears.

The same girl continued, “We love Bucky and have seen Endgame about five times. We can’t believe Cap gave Sam the shield and not Bucky. It looked like they left out a whole conversation between Bucky and Cap where he explained he was going back in time to Peggy. Bucky looked like he already knew what was going on when they hugged and then when Cap came back old.”

Sebastian made a face and bobbled his head, “I think Sam’s going to be a great Captain America.” He talked to both of them, but he kept a closer eye on the nervous one. “I think you’re right; Bucky knew what was going on. They probably did talk it out and Bucky’s always going to do what he needs to for Steve.” He stood up, moving to the railing, and reaching for the girl still chewing on her lip, “Come here.” She got closer and he wrapped his arms around her. “You’re ok.”

I heard her slightly muffled voice, “I don’t want you to be mad ‘cause we came over.”

He squeezed her tighter, “Not mad.” He let her go and looked at the phone in her friend’s hand, “You want a picture?”

They both nodded, “Please.” She handed her phone to her friend and put her arm around Sebastian.

I watched the girl shaking. She was never going to get a picture that wasn’t blurred and moving. I touched her arm, “Here, I’ll take it.” I took the first and waited for them to trade out. Sebastian pulled them both in for a hug and I took a picture of that too, because for real, that’s the picture you really want. When he let them go, I handed the girl back her phone.

Sebastian had kept his arm around the nervous one, “Can you do me a favor?” They immediately nodded, not even knowing the favor. “Don’t post this for a few hours. Some people would try and find me from your picture.”

“No problem.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you on a date?” said the brave one.

I didn’t care what he answered, but I was amused. Sebastian made a face at her, “You know I’m not going to answer.” He glanced at me then back to her, “Besides if you’ve been watching us have brunch you don’t need me to answer. I’d appreciate you keeping her out of any pictures if she was accidentally in them.” That made the brave one blush. She nodded. “Thank you.” Sebastian gave the nervous one another squeeze before returning to his seat, “Thanks for coming by to say hi.”

The nervous one waved to me. I smiled and waved back. I watched them walk away, making sure they were out of earshot before I looked back at Sebastian. “It pays to be nervous around you. She got all sorts of snuggles.”

He laughed, “She looked like she was going to pee her pants.”

“I’ll have to check your tags on the train home and see if they did as you asked.”

“They usually do. Most of my fans are respectful. The minority just happen to be more vocal.” He looked in the direction they’d walked off. “I’m sure they took sneaky pictures of us. Hopefully, they’ll edit you out. I don’t care if they say I was on a date, but I don’t want to see pictures of you.” He smiled and repeated my words from the festival, “Privacy shouldn’t be the price you pay for being with me.” He signed the check and took my hand, “Ready to go?”

“Yep.”

We wove through several blocks looking and windows and ducking inside. I broke from habit in this amazing boutique clothing store we found. I could have stayed there for hours. They had everything from comfy loungewear, bottoms, tops, outerwear, and dresses. Style ranged from cute to sexy. Sebastian was a good sport and I kept what I tried on to a reasonable number. He seemed to enjoy the fashion show and his expressions made his opinion clear. His favorite was a sleeveless hot pink mini dress with an embroidered collar and details. I was surprised. He just shrugged and said it was fun and flirty. Like me. It went home with us.

Sebastian showed me his favorite places and where he shopped. We added bags of his purchases too. We reached max shopping at the same time and headed back to his place. He dropped the bags on the chair and headed to the kitchen grabbing a couple of bottles of water. I kicked off my shoes and slouched down on the couch, “I’ll be visiting that shop again.”

“There was a lot in there that looked like you.” He handed me a bottle and sat down beside me.

“I like bright colors.”

“You look good in bright colors. You look good in black too. And muted colors. Pastels.” He leaned in and kissed me, “I guess I just like how you look. Among other things I like about you.”

I smiled my thanks and savored another kiss. I unscrewed the bottle top and took a drink. “I wanted to talk to you about last night.”

“Which part? There was a ton of shit going on last night.”

“True. I meant the part where Angie drug me out of the room with Kirk and Alissa in tow.”

He nodded, “The meeting about me.”

I laughed, “It was more about me, although you came in at the end.” I turned on the couch, pulling up one leg where my calf rested against his thigh, and I draped the other across his lap. He screwed the top onto his water bottle, laying it beside him before his hands moved to my legs. I wrapped my fingers around the one on my bent leg. I liked us being tangled together. This wasn’t a comfortable conversation. “Angie was butthurt because she thought I hadn’t talked to her about you to the degree she thought I should have.” I could tell he didn’t understand. “We don’t act like we met two weeks ago.”

His laughter interrupted me, “Will said the exact same thing to me.”

“It threw her when we showed up being more comfortable than she’d expected. I filled in Alissa and Kirk and they kept looking at each other and Alissa was repeating things slowly. Like “he threw you over his shoulder and carried you out of the park” and “you call your dad Ed.” I imitated her slow pauses. “I got a little protective and defensive. Went on a rant.” He smiled and I rolled my eyes. “Might have been a little drunk.” He scrunched up his nose and nodded. I had to kiss him. “I said the touching and kissing is just you.”

Sebastian kept eye contact and shook his head back and forth, “Not at all me.”

“That’s what they said. Even raised their hands to be called on.” That part had been funny.

“What did they say?” He didn’t seem angry or anything other than curious.

“There’s not many pictures of you being affectionate with girlfriends. A couple of pap walks. You with friends is different than you with women. You have lots of feelings, but keep them on the inside, not letting them out. Thinking too much makes you emotionally unavailable.” Those words made him wince. “I had another rant about how I don’t know the person they were talking about. I’ve never felt kept outside. We’ve always had intimate conversation, often with you initiating. I would never say you were emotionally unavailable. And after calling me a drunken cow, Alissa said the you last night was the fun, unguarded, happy Seb you are with friends.”

Sebastian looked straight ahead for a little bit and did things with his mouth. He scratched his cheek and looked back at me, “I think I’m pissed at a couple of my friends.”

I smiled and ran my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. He didn’t pull away, he leaned back into the touch. “I don’t want you to be mad. Had you gone for a run this morning and left a note I would have been freaked out. What I know doesn’t match with what they said and I don’t want to have those thoughts in my head. It’s not fair to either of us.”

He took a hand from my leg, placing it on the back of my head to pull me closer. His kiss was deep and tense. “You are one hundred percent to right to talk to me about this. We’re about to be apart almost as long as we’ve known each other and I don’t want you doubting me. Us.”

I kissed him. Soft. I didn’t move away until I felt him relax. “It’s me being brave and vulnerable.”

“You know, I think about that conversation a lot.” He smiled again, a sweet tender smile that made my stomach flip. “It was day three and we were talking about how it’s hard to be open, honest, and vulnerable with another person. Only it wasn’t all that hard. I mean, I might think “oh shit”, but it’s never been enough to stop me.” He looked like a piece had fallen into place. He looked to the ceiling, “Which might be why I had a panic attack in the middle of the night.” His eyes returned to mine, “I don’t know if this is going to make any sense. Not because I’m scared, but because I’m not. I’m still overthinking and still have the same anxieties, but it’s different because I don’t feel like I need to cover it up. You take my shit in stride.”

“What’s different?”

He frowned and shook his head, “Besides you? No idea. Which might be why I had a panic attack in the middle of the night.” He smiled and kissed me, “I’ll read back over what I wrote this morning and figure it out.”

“And there’s always Thursday with the therapist.”

“Good point, princess.” This time he squeezed my hand, “So . . . while I’m pissed at them for dropping all that on you, nothing they said is wrong. Girlfriends and dates in between would tell you they can’t read me and they never know what I’m feeling. I don’t show it and I won’t talk about it. I run hot and cold. I get insecure and pull them closer. I get insecure and push them away. I’m different with my friends. I have intimacy issues. Commitment issues. I’m a mess.” He lifted my hand to his lips, “Except I’m not. With you. None of those things is true. With you. I don’t mean that in some unhealthy co-dependent way, it’s just different with you.”

“Did you ever think you might be different too?” I question it being all about me. I don’t have some magic wand that takes away all his “issues.” I’ll agree I may respond differently and that does make a difference, but I don’t think he’s giving himself enough credit.

“I don’t know what would be different. I may respond differently than with someone else, but you react differently. Like this morning. I can tell you how that would have gone in the past. It would have been a discussion about what was I anxious about and why didn’t wake her up and why I don’t let her in. A million questions and suggestions, but never asking what it was I needed to be ok. It played out very different and not because I did anything different.”

“I’m sorry.” I ran the back of my fingers over his beard.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I’m sorry no one asked you what you needed.” I could see my words hit him, see him feel them. It was a subtle catch in his chest and breathing.

“We’re going to pause talking for a few minutes.” He pulled me into his lap. “Because right now I need to feel you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, extra chapter this week. I've been writing up a storm. Enjoy.


	53. Chapter 53

~*~Sebastian~*~

That right there is exactly what I mean. We're talking about all the ways I've fucked up relationships. By all rights, she should have questions about how I'm going to do better. Why she should trust me and why she's scared I’ll fuck this up too. But her only question is what's different. And her response to my answer is to say she's sorry someone before her didn't ask what I needed. That's why I don't shut down and why I’m not scared. I don't have to protect myself from her, she cares about me separate from her and separate from us.

I pulled her onto my lap because this had been an intense conversation. I needed the physical part to ground me. I needed to be close, to feel her. Something tangible to complete the connection. Not sex. Not yet anyway. We're not done talking. Sex doesn't solve anything. It distracts and covers up. Learned that one the hard way.

Once Emma was settled, I brushed her hair over her shoulders and put my hands on her face. I felt her hands on my ribs. Her warmth soaking through my shirt to spread over my skin. I looked at her for long seconds, knowing what I held in my hands was precious. Keeping myself in check, I pressed my mouth to hers. Instantly I felt the amazing mix of relaxation and excitement. Her lips fell open and she slowly licked across my upper lip. I smiled before joining in. I moved my hands to her back, holding her gently.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Kisses and caresses stayed soft. We were just enjoying each other. I put my hands under her arms, lifting her and putting her back on the couch. I wrapped my fingers around hers, "You know the me my friends know. Well, you know several things they don't."

She smirked, "I get the idea."

"We're going to fight. We're going to annoy each other. We'll probably unintentionally hurt each other. Not shutting down is going to be new for me, but we'll figure it out."

"Sounds good." Emma leaned forward and kissed me. "You gonna tell me what you all talked about while we were in the other room?”

This is what I meant last night when I locked my mouth and thought about giving her the key. "I have a dilemma. We were all drunk. Eli might have said some things he shouldn't have. He’s your best friend. I don't want you mad at him or him mad at me for what he said.” She started to say something and I held up my finger for her to wait. "But, if you want to know, if you ask, I’m going to tell you. My loyalty is to you."

I watched her think, but I knew what she was going to decide. "I want to know."

"I knew you would. I would. Here's the thing. He was trying to protect you. Will asked how your family knew Ed. I didn't know and Eli said he didn't want me to ask you. I think he wanted me to know enough to understand I shouldn't push."

"You wouldn't."

"He doesn't know me well enough to know I wouldn’t. I have no business poking around anyone else's painful memories. I have my own. I get to decide who, what, and when I talk about shit. So do you."

"Now I’m really worried.

"No need." I kissed her hand and held it against my chest. Nothing he'd said bothered me, except I knew it would stir up shit for her. I didn't want her to feel those memories. "He said Amy was addicted to heroin, but you never did more than coke." I pointed to myself and waved my hand, "We'll talk about our cocaine years another time." I liked her smile. "Both of you were sent to rehab. You got home first and were doing good until Amy got home. She was mad because you were doing better than she was. You needed different things, so you went to Seattle. He's a little angry at your parents for that." I was pretty sure she knew. Eli doesn't strike me as being able to bite his tongue. "Then there was a lot of really sweet stuff about Ed not signing guardianship back over, doing all the college shit, coming to games, offering to buy you a place so you didn’t have to go back to Georgia, and when Ed says you’re his daughter he means it. Eli did point out Jimmy is still alive, so I'm less worried Ed's going to kill me for sleeping with you." I left out the part about the money because talking about money is crass.

Emma took a minute to process, "I’m not mad at Eli. I'd already told you most and I get what he was going for. He's always been mad at my parents for choosing Amy. Here's the thing. I was doing better than Amy, but I wasn’t ok. I didn't want to party with my friends because they treated me differently and asked too many questions. My boyfriend broke up with me because a girlfriend fresh out of rehab didn't look good to college admissions counselors. I was going to be on probation for volleyball with weekly drug tests. But at least I wasn't addicted to heroin." Her last sentence was dripping with sarcasm.

I wanted to clarify, "So everything you were dealing with was less because at least you weren’t addicted to heroin."

She touched her finger to her nose, "Exactly. It wasn’t just others, I did it to myself too. My parents didn't know what to do with us. I yelled and screamed how we didn't need to be together, how it was bad for both of us. They either couldn’t or wouldn't figure out what to do. I could. I called Ed, ready to beg him to get me out of there. I knew I was asking a lot. Olivia was four and Jill was pregnant. The last thing they needed was a troubled teenager. Luckily, Ed was a much more troubled teenager and up for the challenge. I wasn't any trouble though. I followed my rules and loved doing all the family things. I never had to be asked to help. Especially with the girls. Ed understood me and could listen without all the parental guilt and trying to defend or explain Amy. Volleyball was already underway and he fought for me. I don't know what he did or how he did it, but they let me try out and play." She paused and I could tell she was fighting not to cry. "He was there for me when no one else was. He jumped my shit when I needed, made me laugh, and he'd hold me when I cried. He took care of me and loved me like I was his."

Tears fell down her cheeks. She didn't make a move to wipe them away. Her tears didn't bother her. They bothered me. I felt every one. I wiped the wet streaks and was relieved when there were no more.

"As horrible as that summer was, I wouldn't change a thing if it meant I lost the relationship I have with them."

I have a sick feeling in my stomach about the details making the summer horrible. Part of me wants to know. Part of me doesn't. I’m glad it's not my decision. I moved her hand from my chest to my mouth, "He loves you like you’re his. And you give that back. That's pretty special."

Emma nodded and dropped her forehead to my shoulder. I held her hand back to my chest and kissed the top of her head. Her shoulders started to shake. I wasn't sure if she was crying or laughing. I moved my head to look and she sat up. Laughing. Whew.

"Another good thing." She cringed, but with a smile. "Before rehab, I was not a very nice person."

I shook my head, "I don’t believe you."

Emma nodded, "I was a spoiled entitled little bitch. I was smart, so school was easy. I was a good athlete, so teachers let things slide. My parents had money, so I never wanted for anything. I was pretty, and that always helps in high school. I wasn't actively mean to people. It was more if I didn't know you, you were insignificant at best, invisible at worst. I lacked empathy and humility."

"Nope." I shook my head, "I don't know this person if you're talking about." She doesn't know the emotionally unavailable me and I don't know the bitch version of her.

She shrugged, "Adversity builds character. In rehab, I met many people with many different stories and learned we were not different. Smart, pretty, and money didn't protect me or Amy. So many times one bad decision spirals out of control. I wasn't big on talking in group. I just listened. I listened to stories and saw emotions. I didn’t pick apart how their stories weren't me and focused on how they were. I changed and through watching others I figured out who I wanted to be." She looked at me with raised eyebrows, "Does that make any sense?"

"I think so."

"I looked up to the others who were kind and supportive of others. They were both better for the interaction. I learned humility because I'd been knocked off my pedestal. I had to learn to advocate for what I wanted with actual reasons that didn’t include pretty, athlete, who could spend her parent’s money. Since I didn't talk a lot Trevor loaded me down with books to read. Smart worked here because I could understand and take what I needed to rebuild me. Eventually, I started talking in group. Not necessarily me needing time to talk, but helping others. I was good at explaining what I’d figured out and since I'd spent so long listening, I could relate things to their story, what they needed. Helping and making a difference in someone else’s life made me feel better than I ever had. Seattle was a fresh start. I got to re-invent myself without pressure from friends to change back. Nobody knew me." She shrugged. "I didn't let Ed buy me an apartment because I needed to prove to myself Jimmy was wrong and I could support myself. I agreed to him helping with a down payment and I know he fudged the numbers. He didn't have to. He wanted to. Plus, I'm still a little spoiled, but much more grateful."

I laughed, "Nothing wrong with being a little spoiled." Says the man who impulsively bought her a three hundred and sixty-five dollar handmade necklace last night.

Emma got a strange look on her face. One I'd not seen before. She looked uncertain, almost scared. "Does rehab make me not look good for you?"

I double blinked and startled. "No." Her question wasn't about me as much as those around me. The ways in which I didn't give a shit were too many to count. If anything, I wanted her more. She changed herself for the better. That's hard and I respect the work it took. I don't have college admissions counselors to impress. His excuse was bullshit anyway. He was in high school and I can't blame him for deciding he didn't want to deal with her problems. He was a kid. Rehab as a teenager isn't even a blip on the radar for anyone in entertainment. Fans are a different issue. Some will find a reason to hate her no matter what. They create reasons out of nothing. This would give them something real. "I was worried you were perfect and I'd forever feel unworthy."

She laughed, "That's disturbing."

"Isn't it? Real people have pasts, flaws, and scars. Yours make you more beautiful. Real is always better. I keep my private life private for a reason. No one I know will care. Fans?" I cringed," That's a subject for a conversation I don't want to have right now."

"Why?"

"It can wait. You go home too soon. We aren't done with this conversation and I don’t want to add a new topic to take up more time.” Emma nodded her agreement. "Has Amy relapsed?"

She pulled her eyebrows down and frowned, "Oh yeah, three times. Last time she got pregnant."

"She was using when she got pregnant? I guess you don't think about condoms when there's a needle in your arm." I immediately regretted the last sentence. "I’m sorry. That was insensitive."

Emma pressed her mouth to mine, "Exactly how it happened."

I tried to recover, "Is Katie ok?"

Crossing her fingers, she said, "So far."

"Good." I had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. “You’re going back there. Should I be worried?”

“Nope.”

I locked onto Emma's eyes. I saw so much there. I ran my hand along her leg. "What do you need from me?" She looked at me strangely. "What Kirk and Alissa said."

Emma's confused face opened up, "Oh.” I like how she took a bit to think before pursing her lips and shaking her head. "Nothing. I'm good. We're good."

I got another kiss and her fingers stroking the back of my neck. I believed her.

She continued to play along the edge of my hair. "I don't think they meant anything negative. They liked you being you and didn't want me to misjudge the importance because I didn't know any different. I wasn't upset, but I didn't want distance to make my imagination go berserk."

"Keep doing the thing where you ask instead of letting things get out of control. I like your positive spin on their big mouths. I’m down to seriously annoyed."

"Good." She swung her legs off the couch. "Excuse me a sec."

I waited to hear the bathroom door close before digging out my phone and starting a small group chat with only two words. "Emotionally unavailable?"

I turned off my phone. I wasn't doing this now. Partly because I wasn't sure what I was annoyed about.

From the direction of my bedroom, I heard a whistle, then, "Vino aici, Sebasti-an." <come here>

Every nerve in my body fired simultaneously. I dropped my phone on the couch and headed her direction.

I should work on not being so easy.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

I stopped to lean against the door frame. Emma was fully dressed laying on my bed with her hands clasped over her stomach. Just chilling out. I started to smile, "Did you seriously just whistle for me? You thought that would work."

She raised an eyebrow and tried not to smile, "And where are you, Bastian?"

I laughed, "Exactly where you called me to be." I crawled across my bed, hovering over her. "I'm not stupid."

Her hands ran up my biceps to my shoulders, "I knew you'd come if I called."

Nice double entendre. I bent my arms to kiss her, "Not the only time I'm going to come today."

Pushing up with one leg, she wrapped the other over my lower back to pull me down. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

The feel of her body pressed under me killed any idea I had about a soft, slow build-up. Her warmth and the shape of her fitting against me combined with her "vine aici" made me hungry. Her mouth was warm and her tongue teased and tasted me too. I kissed her while she touched me. Hands on my back and ass. Not waiting much time before hers were up my shirt and pushing it off. My kisses, her touch, what we both needed, and the hunger feeding off itself. Good times.

I struggled out of my t-shirt, trying to not stop the kissing. Impossible. Emma took advantage of my loss of balance and pushed me onto my back. She sat astride me, her fingers moving over my stomach, her nails scraping over the places I liked most. Her hands pressed down on my shoulders as she bent over to kiss me. It didn't last long, but when she sat up, she peeled her shirt over her head. I smoothed my hands up her waist, watching the way her stomach jumped with my touch. Before I got to her breasts, she undid her bra and tossed it away. The way she moved against my cock while I played with her breasts felt so good. Even better when I squeezed her nipples and she ground down hard. I sat up enough to take her in my mouth. My reward was a soft moan and her fingers in my hair, holding me to her.

I didn't fight when she pushed me away. Better things were coming, starting with her getting rid of my shorts and settling between my legs. The softness of her breasts was on either side of my cock while she laid soft kisses on my stomach. The way she seemingly ignored my cock, while still giving it attention was one of my favorite things. It seemed like the contact was accidental. It was not. Neither was the precise placement of her open mouth and teasing licks on the exact right spot. I closed my eyes, leaned my head back with a groan, and stroked her head. She knew exactly what she was doing.

"Fuck." The shift of her mouth to my cock was both too quick and too long in coming. Her hair blocked my view, but I didn't need to see. She licked the length of me several times, pausing to suck me barely in the warmth of her mouth before licking me again. Her hand held my balls, fingers caressing underneath where they met my body. I was already a mess by the time she slid her mouth down my shaft. A finger pressing on my perineum took me higher. There were better ways to get where she was going.

My voice was shaky. "Do you know what you're doing to me?" The sentence was broken by a catch in my breathing and followed by a gasp when a deeper press answered my question.

Emma pulled off my cock, meeting my eyes and her tongue teasing the V under the head of my cock. "I know exactly what I'm doing to you."

I blindly dug into my nightstand drawer and tossed the bottle of lube down the bed, "Then do it."

The warmth of her mouth took me back in and a few seconds later her finger pushed slowly inside me. Slow was good. It had been a while, but when she hit my prostate I saw stars and remembered just how amazing this felt. I thought to tell her what felt best, but she figured it out. Possibly because I pulled the pillow out from under my head to use it to smother myself and dull the obscene noises I was making. Everything in my lower body contracted tighter and tighter, waiting to explode. When I couldn't breathe through the pillow, I threw it off the bed. I was close. I squirmed against the contact and between groans mumbled, "Harder."

Her firmer touch set off a nuclear reaction. I arched off the bed, fell back, and orgasmed for days. I couldn't open my eyes. I felt Emma's headrest on my hip. Maybe her fingers on my thigh. "I think I’m paralyzed from the waist down. I can't feel my legs." Her finger slipped back inside and a gentle tap had me convulsing again "Yep." Breathe. "Felt that." Breathe again. “Fuck."


	54. Chapter 54

~*~Emma~*~

Fuck me. The sounds he's making are making me so hot. I don't think I could squeeze my legs together tighter than the last few seconds when I knew he was going to come. I'd like to keep him on edge longer, like he did me Friday. Make his body beg for me. Setting myself a goal.

I moved next to him on the bed and took off my shorts. While running my hand over his chest, I kissed him, "Good thing it's not your legs I need."

Sebastian rolled on top of me with a smile, "I definitely have what you need."

"Hearing you was quite the turn-on.” I hooked my leg around his and rubbed against his thigh.

He shifted where his thigh split and was tight against me. "That what you need, Emma?"

The big tease licked my upper lip. I rode his thigh. "Not quite, but it is where I need you."

"I can tell." He kissed down my body, pausing at my stomach to look up to me. "That's all the teasing I have in me. You sucked it out of me."

My laugh turned to a moan with the feel of his tongue against my clit. I curled my hips to get closer to his mouth.

"Bossy girl."

"You threw lube at me."

"To you. Not at you."

I repeated my sentence with a change of preposition. "You threw lube to me, bossy boy."

His smirk was cute, but turned dirty with the add-in of the evil twinkle in those blue eyes, "I had needs."

I put a hand on the back of his head and pushed him down, "So do I."

Sebastian went to work and it didn't take long for him to have me squirming and bracing my hands on the wall. Right before I came, he slid his fingers inside me, giving my body something to hold on to. I cried out his name and sank boneless on the bed.

He nuzzled and kissed my neck, "Did I gave you what you needed, baby?"

"Mmm, yeah. Exactly what I needed."

Rolling to his side, Sebastian took me with me, kissing me more like foreplay than cuddling after. Not complaining. When I felt him start to stiffen, I reached between us to stroke him to full hardness. Sebastian produced a condom from nowhere. He rolled back on top of me and I lead him inside me. Moans were muffled by our kissing. We moved together, our hips colliding. I whimpered with the loss of him filling me when he pulled out. He took one of my legs across my body, turning my hips to the side, before entering me again. Sebastian stayed up on his arms and I held onto his biceps. The eye contact made up for the lack of physical contact. He was the one to break it, biting his lip and dropping his head.

"I love how you feel. Being inside you. Gonna come." He brought his eyes back to mine. "Oh god..."

I cried out with him. His last thrust driving so deep.

Sebastian fell beside me, scooting up close to press his front to my back. He reached around me, his fingers returning to between my legs. I was using his other arm as a pillow and his hand was on my breast. His fingers were doing wonderful things to me. The tight grip and fast movements were too much, I turned my head to kiss him, wanting as much of him as I could get to ride out my orgasm.

Now our kisses dropped in intensity for cuddling after. I rolled over to press close to him. This was going to have to linger in my memory through Georgia and Canada. My hands soaked in the feel of him. I think he was doing the same. At least the way he held on seemed like. I noticed how perfectly we fit together. Legs intertwined and my head tucked under his chin. The tenderness with which he kissed my head, leaving his lips against me, made me smile. "Our hello and goodbye sex game is strong." I snickered, "And everything in between."

"I was gonna say.... everything is pretty fucking good."

"I have no complaints."

"If you did, I'd have to go down on you again to try and change your mind."

We laid in bed kissing, touching, and talking until there was no time left.

I grabbed my stuff out of the bathroom after I pee'd and started shoving my shit in my bag. I’d just dump it into the laundry when I got home. Sebastian came out of the bathroom looking so good my mouth watered. He held up a purple toothbrush, "This yours?"

I figured he already knew the answer, but played along. "Yes." I walked over, going for it, only to have him move it out of reach.

"I'm keeping this. You'll have to come back and get it."

I laid my hands on his sides, sliding around to hold onto his back, "My toothbrush isn't what will bring me back."

The slow smile that lit up his face warmed me from the inside. I wasn't sure if he was teasing or feeling insecure. I wasn't concerned with the distance but remembered him saying he got insecure and pulled closer. I went with that and kissed him until the phone in my pocket buzzed. My ride was here. I texted that I’d be right down and zipped up my bag.

Sebastian carried my bag and walked me down. He handed it off to the driver and hugged me tight, "Call me when you're home safe."

"I will."

He put his hands on my face, bringing me in for a kiss. I held onto him and tried not to melt. He backed away and looked at me for long seconds. "You're so beautiful." The tone of his voice left me speechless. His kiss was soft as his voice, "I'll talk to you later." I nodded with a smile and got in the car.

A block and a half later I felt this warmth wash over me from head to toe and started laughing.

Fuck, I love him.

Should I go back and tell him? I should go back and tell him. No. I'd still have to leave. I don’t want to say I love you and leave. I want to say I love you and stay. Instead, I'll get on the train and grin like an idiot for the next hour and a half. Or two weeks.

~*~*~

I was over halfway home when the girls posted the pictures with Sebastian on Instagram. They’d kept the hug one for themselves. They posted the one with both of them, the singles, and lastly, was a picture of him and me. Our joined hands rested on the table and he was smiling. There was a heart emoji over my face. Could have been the poop one. Their post said, “@imsebastianstan on a brunch date. We were afraid to talk to him, but he was the sweetest. Said he thought Bucky and Steve had talked about the shield and Bucky would do whatever Steve needed him to. He smells amazing. Asked us to wait to post and hide her face. We got your back, baby!”

Cute. They had been hit hard by comments asking for more information. They said I was pretty, had offered to take the pictures, and had good taste in men. They’d seen us laughing and sharing food. They’d thought it was cute. Some others didn’t. There were a lot of opinions. I didn’t spend much time reading them. A quick glance and I shut it down.

Sebastian had posted something too. A picture of two open drawers in his dresser. “When you’re so tired you forget which drawer is which and looking for your underwear you find your socks. #switched.” He was smart. He posted not too long after the girls had. Brought the focus to him. He was spammed with questions about brunch. None of which he answered.

Once home, I pulled my suitcase to the laundry room, poured myself a glass of wine, and went back to the couch to call Sebastian. I used FaceTime, but he put the phone to his ear, "Yeah."

He was asleep. The panic attack had woken him early. "I'm home safe and sound."

"Mmm, good."

"Go to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Mmm, ok. Wish you were still here, Em." He was gone before I could say anything back.

I took my wine with me to put in a load of laundry. I'd been in a hurry packing and one of his t-shirts had come home with me. I put it to my face and smelled him. Perfect. I threw the clothes I was wearing into the washer and pulled his shirt on. The bright pink dress I'd bought brought a smile to my face. I hung it up and posted it to Instagram with the caption, "Can't wait to wear my new find."

I got an idea.

Some creative positioning and a good three dozen pictures later I had what I wanted. My legs were curled under me with his shirt barely covering my ass, the wine glass was in my hand next to my chest, and my face wore a soft smile. I am not good at selfies, so this was mostly luck. And the camera taking a shot every few seconds. Anything beyond basic photo editing is out of my skill set too. Fortunately, I was confident Sebastian would like whatever I sent. I didn't post this one to Instagram. Just a text saying, "Thinking about the romantic, fun, sexy weekend we just had. Thank you, Bastian xoxo"

I'd barely hit send when my phone rang. I bobbled it, connecting the FaceTime while it was air born. Ed was laughing before I got him right side up. "Hey, dad."

He looked at my shirt, "That's too big for you."

I smiled, "It is very soft though." I pulled the collar over my nose, "Smells good too. Tell me all about what's going on back home. I miss you guys."

With school out, they were spending more time hiking and out at the farm. Olivia had been sending me pictures. Ed was meeting the rest of the guys at Jeff's place in Montana to start work on the next CD. The family was going to meet up with him in Chicago for a Cub's homestand at the end of July. "You should come out. Bring the boyfriend."

I hated baseball on TV but loved it live. The beer and hot dogs helped. "I will. Sebastian is filming in Rome end of July, but I'll check with him."

"Olivia is anxious to meet him. Harper and Jill less so. I'm still ambivalent."

"Eli told him since Jimmy's still alive he'll be ok."

"Or maybe I hadn't figured out where to bury the bodies back then." We both laughed. "You two have a good weekend?"

I could feel my face light up. "Very romantic dinner Friday, hang out with friends Saturday, brunch, and shopping Sunday." I told him what Eli had said and the subsequent conversation today.

"I like how he's worried about you in Georgia, even if he doesn’t completely know why. He'll have eyes on you more often than me.”

"It'll be fine. She has Katie. Something I don't."

He shook his head, "I’ve told you it's not about what you have. It’s about you being happy. You're pretty fucking happy right now."

"I am." I pulled my lips to the side, thinking.

"If you're about to tell me you're in love with him, don't bother. I can tell." His smile matched mine. "I told Jill I loved her on our third date. You get this from me. If you got my sex drive too, he's an even luckier man."

Like Sebastian and I had talked, to Ed I was his. "I wondered where that came from."

He winked, "All me."

~*~*~

The next morning I was in a great mood. I'd slept well and there were only three more days of school. Today and tomorrow were field day which meant I got to wear shorts and a t-shirt to work. We'd had shirts made for the kids. My class was yellow (their choice) with "Marcum's Minions" on the front. By the afternoon I'd feel like I spent the day herding cats, but at least with the bright yellow I could find them. There were few things as funny as watching first graders in a three-legged race. It was mostly falling and trying to get back up. We were eliminated early in tug of war, because first graders. There were lots of tears until I came up with the idea to become the official cheerleaders for Mallory's fifth grade class. She had some bruisers. By the time they won our defeat was forgotten. Tomorrow the middle and high students took over the competition. The elementary kids would cheer them on and run wild. While these days were fun they were also exhausting. No duty-free lunch. No planning. Barely time to pee.

I sat down in the grass when the last of my kids were on the bus. I hadn't checked my phone all day. Sebastian had called during the planning I didn't have and texted a response to the picture I'd sent.

Sebastian ~ You can steal anything as long as I get a picture of you in it.

Emma ~ Purely accidental. I just grabbed the pile on the floor.

Sebastian ~ Then please feel free to steal anything you want and send me a picture of you in it.

Emma ~ Your underwear is next.

Sebastian ~ I'll send you a pair.

Mallory plopped down beside me, "I’m exhausted."

"Me too." I laid my head on her shoulder.

"We're going to Jalisco for Margarita Monday. You in?"

"Absolutely."

We started with ten of us and were down to six when Sebastian texted.

Sebastian ~ Hey, baby. Are you home?

Emma ~ Nope. Mexican restaurant with the girls.

I'd taken a picture of all of us earlier and sent it to him.

Sebastian ~ Looks like trouble.

Emma ~ Long, hot, fun day with screaming children called for margaritas.

Sebastian ~ I bet. I don't want to keep you from your friends.

Emma ~ I'll call when I leave. Won't be late.

Sebastian ~ XOXO

Five faces looked at me. I smiled, "What? I have cheese on my face?" I wiped around my mouth. Chips were awesome.

"No. You had very sweet boyfriend face." This was Toni, one of Mallory's Barbie Bitches.

Tammy (BB#2) joined in, "His a ranked as boyfriend now?"

I grinned, "Definitely boyfriend. Complete with my toothbrush at his place."

"When do we get to see him. Is he on your Instagram?”

"Last week’s victory picture."

I showed it to them, banking that none would be able to make him out.

Tina growled, "He's too tucked up on you to see him clearly."

"Just where I like him." Everyone laughed. "I don't go around taking pictures of him.”

Mallory gave me a look I read as saying, "No, but he sends them."

"I promise, next time I see him I will take a picture and show him off. For now, you'll have to be satisfied with my word that he’s handsome, brown hair, blue eyes, and the best thighs I've ever seen on a man. Beyond that he's great. Sweet, romantic, kind, funny. He's wonderful to me."

Tina elbowed Tammy, "Sounds perfect."

I looked at them, smiling, "Perfect enough for me."

As soon as my phone connected to the CRV I said, "Call Sebastian."

It took several rings for him to pick up. Enough so I thought I'd get his voicemail. I was preparing a message when I heard the phone connect, "Hi gorgeous. Have a good time?"

"I did. What were you up to today?"

"Day one of getting ready for 355. Boring food and excessive ab work."

"I am impressed by how you change your body for roles. That's a full-time job."

He laughed, "It really is. I sat down with Don today to work out a schedule. I'm all over between now and Rome. Daily gym time when I'm home. Things I can do while traveling.”

“Ed invited you to join us in Chicago. He’s recording then everyone’s meeting up for a week in Chicago. He’s a huge Cubs fan. He’ll go every day. The rest of us won’t. I told him it was right around the time you were in Rome.”

“I meet with Emily tomorrow to figure out my schedule.”

“No rush. We’re going anyway, you can join in if you’re here.” I had about five minutes before I got home and could switch over to video and see him. “Talk to me about pap walks.”

“Oh god, why?”

I laughed at the exasperated sound of his voice, “Because I don’t think that means what I think it does and I’d like to not be ignorant.”

“When you put it like that, I can’t wiggle my way out of it.”

“I know, but it does happen to be true.”

“Sometimes pap’s get lucky and catch someone out running errands or outside someplace. I’ve been caught around events, but for the most part no. I’m not at the stage where I get hunted. But more often than not someone’s PR agency calls a photographer and arranges a time and place. That’s why so many pictures have someone looking right at the camera. You know they’re there and why. It’s to get attention or people talking around the release of something or detract from something worse. Girlfriends PR and my PR have called them in before.” He sighed out a breath, “At some point I will ask you to do this with me. Musicians are asked to hide girlfriends. Actors are asked to appear with them. I can’t tell you when or why. I’ll get a call and my PR people will tell me why it’s a good idea. It’s part of it for me. I don’t like dragging you into it and I’ll try to keep you out of it. Other girlfriends used my pap walks for their own PR too, so it benefitted us both. It will not benefit you.”

“Have you had PR girlfriends or NDAs?”

“I’ve had PR dates. One very short-lived PR relationship. The contract was for a month. I fucking hated her. Definitely had an NDA for that. Umm.”

Sebastian paused, which meant he didn’t like this conversation. “Bastian, I’m not bothered by this stuff. I just wanted to know.”

“I can’t see you. I don’t like not being able to see you when we’re talking about shit like this. So I can tell what you’re thinking.”

“Am I that easy to read?”

“Completely.” He laughed. “More I can tell when something shifts.”

I turned off the car, picked up the phone, and grabbed my bag. "I'm home. Give me a second to get inside and you can see me all you want." Shoes and keys were dumped at the door as I hit video. "Hey, baby."

"There you are! That shirt’s awesome."

"This shirt is filthy. I need to toss it in the washer for tomorrow. I shall take you with me." I took off my shirt as I walked.

"Now that’s what I’m talking about. Where's the camera button? Why isn't this working."

"You got a new phone last week, did you turn on that feature?"

"Fuck." He was pouting. "I didn't know I had to."

I stuck my bottom lip out too, "You'll just have to enjoy the live show, dirty boy."

He held up a finger, "One. I've never denied being dirty." He held up another finger. "Two. You're the one walking around in a bra."

I nodded my agreement, "A very unsexy bra."

"Yes, but still half-naked."

I ran upstairs to find a shirt and sat down on the chair in my bedroom. "Back to where we were. NDAs. I have one from a festival after-party that Ed doesn't know I went to. Not because anything happened, but someone is very paranoid." Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "Jared Leto."

He made a face, "Yeah, no, Ed would not be ok with him."

"And you?"

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair. His nervous tells are both easy to spot and crazy sexy. "NDAs are pretty standard. PR reps work it out and send them over. There's a PR business part to almost everything I do. Instagram is mostly me. I'll get asked to post something occasionally. Bottom line, I’m a product. Companies pay a lot of money for me. NDAs protect their investment and my ass if I do something stupid. Disney can't have a friend with benefits giving interviews. It's part of the game I have to play. Like pap walks." He flipped around his tongue and bit his lip. He was thinking. Video is better, he was right, this way I can see what he's doing. "I'm gonna get bitched at because you're not under one."

"I don't care to sign one. Modern-day version of a pinky swear. I’m not going to sell your secrets anyway, so it’s not a big deal."

He tilted his head to the side, still looking uncomfortable. "Why not the other way? If I trust you not to sell my secrets why would you have to."

"Because it doesn't have anything to do with us. It's part of your job. If you volunteer in my class you’re going to have a background check. Doesn't mean I think you're a pedo."

Sebastian had his hand over his mouth, staring at me.

"Did you have a plan?"

He moved his hand, "Avoid for as long as possible." He shifted around and ran his hand through his hair again. "If I'm dating someone with PR they take care of it and I’m not involved except to sign my name on hers. If it's a hookup, no big deal, it's paperwork. Used to feel like an asshole. Got over it. You're not a hookup or have your own PR people. I knew was going to have to bring it up eventually and the thought made me want to vomit. Like you said, it's not personal, but you are very personal. I don't want you involved with NDAs, and pap walks, and fans commenting about you."

"I appreciate that and you're incredibly sweet. I know it’s a package deal. Man and product. There's a fuzzy boundary where the two meet. You just have to help me know which I’m dealing with."

Now he relaxed. "I'm sorry."

I waved his words away, "Nothing to be sorry about."

Sebastian shook his head and smiled, "No, I’m sorry for not giving you more credit, that you'd understand. This is new ground for me."

"I'm sorry it's an uncomfortable conversation."

"Yeah, but it doesn’t have to be. I gotta let go of expecting a bad reaction."

"It'll come. Or it won’t and we'll talk it through."

He lifted his head a little with squinted eyes, "How are you so non-reactive?"

"I’m not. I'm very reactive if people I love or I am threatened. This is nuisance level bullshit we can work around. The big picture is you and I. And we continue to learn about each other, talk about the hard stuff, and make memories together. I want you and whatever comes with you."


	55. Chapter 55

~*~Sebastian~*~

I stared at her. Stunned. I'm not sure if it's how the conversation went or she wants me and whatever comes with me. Emma is so intentional. Her words carry meaning. She wants to be clear and asks for clarity. This is heaven for my overthinking brain. I’m not stuck wondering what she means nor am I afraid to ask. Because I know she'll answer. Really answer.

"I've got eight years on you, how are you the more mature one?"

"Stabilizing influence and frighteningly direct communication of my second dad."

The expression on her face and deadpanned delivery had me laughing. "I can see that. I'll be the emotionally reactive one and you can be the calming one." Then I remembered. "Although, Eli did tell a story about you laying into some guy in Hawaii at a volleyball game. Ed dumped you in the ocean. I wish there was video."

"There is. You'll have to get dad to send it to you."

Tuesday was a good day. Workout was hard and my abs were already sore, but we'd laughed a lot. Good phone call with mom. The house had come together, she was enjoying some time in the pool, and she'd picked up some piano students. My afternoon was spent in my manager, Emily's, office. Mostly she and I, but a few conference calls. I was about to be busy. The next six weeks I was more gone than home. I was excited about the work. Excited to see friends.

Admittedly, the timing wasn't the greatest, new relationship and all, but I was confident we'd figure it out. This is different. I'd like to say it was because my previous experience is whining and bitching about me being gone so long, knowing I was going to pay for the distance, and trying to front-load my leaving to make it more palatable. While all of those all true, the actual difference is I care. The emotionally unavailable hot and cold thing comes into play here. I put up a wall to block the whining and bitching, not really listening, because it's my job. Bitching at me isn’t going to change anything and I’m not going to feel guilty for doing my job. Well, I do, but it just pisses me off because I shouldn’t. The expectation of gifts, dinners, or a vacation to make up for being gone made those a lot less fun. And I was never successful at cramming a bunch of stuff in before I left, because my work didn't start when I left. It starts weeks before. I don’t leave for filming for a month, but I’m already prepping: gym reading, watching things, research, and studying the script. I get pretty singularly focused. I don't know any other way. And when pushed I shut down. I don't respond. I brood. And I appear cold. None of this is right. Some just is. Some is my fault. Getting to where I didn't care about her (any of the previous hers) feelings and concerns with me gone was a side effect of shutting down and I regret doing that. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about her feelings. It was feeling ineffectual to do anything about it and my self-protection kicking in. Looking back, saying effectively “deal with it” was incredibly insensitive. Not proud of it.

But now, sitting here looking at my schedule I’m finding places I can find some time for us. We’ll figure it out. I can tell you what won’t happen. Emma won't whine where I block her out. She's not going to emotionally blackmail me for things, which will make me want to give. And she’ll leave me alone to prep, let me bounce things off her, or cook something to remind me to eat. I need all of those. I care how Emma's going to feel about me being gone. I care about what we’ve begun and how we'll keep in touch. I also know that while I'm away she will carry on living the life she had before she had me and be just fine.

Emma had practice tonight and a game tomorrow. It was after eight when she called. She was in a tank top and her hair was wet from her shower. I caught up on her day before leading into mine. "I have good news and bad news."

"OK." Emma drug out the word, wary of my response.

"When I get back from Canada, I've got some time to spend with you. Then I’m gone for the month of July. Fashion show, audition and meetings, comic con, then filming in Rome." Playing off last night’s conversation, I added. "I'm not expecting a bad reaction."

"Well, that's good." Her hand moved toward the screen and I chose to believe she was touching my face. "I'II miss you, but I’m excited for you. And me getting to hear about what you're doing. Living vicariously."

I'd had some time to think. I had a lot of thoughts on plans. This was the soonest. "You get back Tuesday, doubleheader Wednesday, and I get back late Thursday. What's your weekend look like?"

"Empty. I'll come to you. You'll barely be home if you come here. I can come anytime Friday. I'll be done with work except maybe packing up my room. I can do that whenever."

"Early Friday. Thursday night." I wanted to maximize our time. "I have to do some work."

"I can amuse myself."

"Maybe the shop you liked so much will be having a sale?" I laughed at the way her eyes lit up. "July fourth weekend I'm at a fashion show. Wanna go to Paris?"

"What?" Her face moved closer to the screen. I’d surprised her.

"Not necessarily Paris, but near. The third is the show. Have you been to Paris?"

"Family spent the summer in Europe when we were thirteen. Then Pearl Jam tours. Love Paris."

"Not much more than a long weekend, but museums and I'm sure we can find some romantic Paris shit to do."

"I would love to go to Paris with you."

That was good because I'd already made reservations. "California for about two weeks then straight to Italy for at least that. Depends on how long shooting takes. Hopefully back in time to join you in Chicago. Then nothing until the end of August. Will and I had been talking about a group of us going away. We were waiting for my schedule. What do you think about a group trip and we stay a little longer or go off alone? It would be a beach somewhere."

"You going to rub sunscreen on me?"

"Um yay, part of my volleyball job. Beer bitch and sunscreen applier."

“I’m in."

"End of August is a Disney thing. Labor Day weekend is the Toronto Film Fest. Little stuff in there, nothing big. No idea past then."

She laughed, eyes wide, and moving her head in all directions "It's crazy like a tour schedule. I'm jealous. I love touring."

"I thought about Rome, but the schedule's tight. You wouldn't see me."

"I wasn't trying for an invite. I'll get some of my summer PD hours done so I won't have to worry about them. Make sure I've got time for us."

I leaned back on the couch, "That was easy."

She glared at me. "I thought you weren't expecting a bad reaction?"

I shook my head, "No, no, I wasn't. Just an observation. Thought I might have to talk you into the beach." I held it a second before smiling, "Not really. I do know it’s a lot."

"I will always go to a beach."

"You’re not allowed to play volleyball."

"Did you get the video from dad?"

"About an hour ago." I'd enjoyed it several times. "You're a feisty little thing."

Wednesday was a day of pictures and texts. After the gym, I settled in my extra room to prep. I had my laptop on the table, a stack of books on top of my script, and a huge bottle of water. I took a picture and posted it to Instagram along with one of me with a pencil between my teeth and pulling my hair.

Emma ~ How'd you get a picture of your expression during your last blow job?

Sebastian ~ Hidden camera in bedroom. You should see the other things I have. Coupling Season 1. "The Cupboard of Patrick's Love."

Emma ~ “You really don't have enough blood for both ends of your body, do you?"

Sebastian ~ Very good, Sally.

Love that she can quote one of my favorite shows.

After lunch, Emma posted a picture of her in the middle of a group hug with her students. "I'll miss my munchkins.” I sent a sad face emoji.

Then I fell into a hole. I got pulled into my research and reading and the next time I picked up my phone it was one a.m. I need time like this and put my phone on do not disturb. The only thing that comes through is two calls from the same number within a few minutes. Anyone important knows how to reach me. Emma knew, but she didn't. Not even when the Demonic Crickets won their game. She posted several pictures, but I got a much better one in a text. Emma with her back to the camera in her team tank, arm up flexing her bicep, and her looking over her shoulder smiling at me. The gold flecks in her eyes were sparkling and the darker ring made the green more intense.

Emma ~ Hope you're getting a lot done. Internally anyway. XOXO

Sebastian ~ * 12 hours later * Yeah, I did. I'm hungry. Congrats on the win. Picture is beautiful.

Sebastian ~ You're beautiful

Her thank you came while I was working out. After a shower, I fell back into my hole until it was time for therapy.

I'd been seeing Celie for a long time. Frequency varied. She had a dark brown bob, glasses, and a round face. At this point, I could read her as well as she could me. If she was looking at me over her glasses, she thought I was full of shit. No words needed. She was about ten years older than me and her style worked for me. It was a great one-sided friendship.

I took my regular spot on the blue couch, "How are you today, Celie?"

Celie smiled. She had the unconditional positive regard thing down. I say that, but she does genuinely like me. Most of the time. I can be a pain in the ass. "I've had a good day and after you I get to go home. You seem to be in a good mood. Tell what's going on with you, Seb."

I was always her last client of the day. Sometimes I needed more than an hour. "I am in a good mood. I met somebody. Last time I saw you I was going to help my parents move. I met Emma there. In a grocery store, if you can believe that."

"Sounds like you can't."

"I asked her to dinner in under fifteen minutes."

She widened her eyes in disbelief. Exactly my point. "Did you? Good for you, Seb. A complete stranger. What led you to ask her out?"

"I was all covered up and she tells me I looked like a rehab patient checking into the clinic up the road. But she was kind to me. A sketchy stranger. She didn’t know who I was until we were outside and I introduced myself. She helped me find the things on my list and we chatted." I put my hands in front of my chest, fingers splayed. "She felt good. I didn't know why, just enough that I knew I wanted to know more.”

“And what do you know now?”

I spent the next several minutes telling Celie the salient points. We’ve been doing this long enough that explaining isn’t necessary. She’ll recognize why things are important. My face hurt from smiling after I was finished talking about Emma. I stopped short of the whole conversation on Sunday.

“Besides the obvious early relationship high, how are you feeling about all this?”

“Good. Happy. Hopeful. The only concerning thing was Saturday I woke up from a night terror, panic attack. I got myself calmed down pretty quick, wrote for a while, and once Emma got up I went for a run.”

“Even with being happy, there’s been quite a bit of emotional activity. I’m pleased that you’ve only woken up once. Much better. What do you suspect triggered you?”

I took a deep breath, “Emma and I wound up in this conversation Sunday afternoon. A couple of my friends at the party had told her I wasn’t acting like I normally do with women, but more like I am with friends. This led to a conversation about my relationship issues. I’m not the same with her. She really doesn’t know that version of me. I think that’s why I had the anxiety. It was the night after the party but before the conversation. First time we’d been around my friends. I think it was not because I’m scared, but because I’m not. Like you said, there’s been a lot of emotional shit going on and I’m good. Remarkably good.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Emma is different. She’s incredibly kind and is . . . gentle. Not weak though. She’s strong.”

Celie shook her head, “When I think of gentle people it’s a combination. They can be painfully truthful, but their manner makes others able to listen. They have a compassion for others.”

“Exactly! I noticed she knew everyone. She talked to everyone and used their name. I asked and she said she looked at their nametags and you never know what someone’s day has been. That might be the first nice thing that’s happened all day. I know it’s a little thing, but it’s her. She’s like that with me. She doesn’t try to talk me out of being anxious or overthinking. She doesn’t think my insecurities are stupid. They’re all just part of me.”

“She accepts you.”

“Right. The more we got to know each other, the more we talked, I felt safe. She doesn’t do those things I usually shut down over. I don’t feel the need to protect myself. She’s very different.” Celie was looking at me over her glasses. Uh oh. “You’re giving me the look.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why? I thought I was doing good. I asked out a stranger and got this amazing woman.”

“Sebastian, as quick as you are to fault yourself, you’re slow to take credit.”

“Take credit?” I didn’t know what she was talking about.

She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. “You think this relationship is different because of Emma. You lucked out and met an accepting, kind, gentle person.”

“Yes. No. Both. Emma is different and she makes me different.”

Celie made a loud, jarring beeping noise. This was new.

“Ok, I guess I’m wrong.”

“You are. Not completely. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Any credit. You’ve worked very hard. You’ve read. You’ve journaled. You’ve talked. You’ve done things I’ve asked you to even if you didn’t understand or want to. I’ve seen you grow. To give responsibility for this relationship being different all to Emma is dangerous. What’s going to happen when she falls off this pedestal you’ve put her on? Is that going to be an excuse to shut down and protect yourself? Fall back on old habits.”

I could feel my eyebrows pulled down and the scowl on my face. “So you’re saying this isn’t as good as I think it is.”

“Not at all. I’m saying it’s got as much to do with you as it does her. Previously you would have never asked out a woman you met in a grocery. But that seems to be the furthest you’re going with how you’re different. I do not believe for one second that no other woman you’ve gone out with has been kind and accepting. Or would have been if you would have been able to show them you. You used to do things to test them. You’d say or do things to see how they’d react. As we’ve talked, you weren’t being real, so you don’t know that their reactions were.”

I nodded then looked down, “I know. Pretty manipulative.” I felt Celie’s hand on my arm and looked back up. Her face was very soft with a smile.

“Stop, Seb. You need to be proud of yourself. You are doing things differently. You have learned from your past, grown, and come a long way in accepting yourself. Warts and all. You have shown Emma who you are, even the parts you don’t like so much. She can have credit for how she’s responded to you, but you deserve the credit for being brave enough to show her in an honest and authentic way. That allowed her to respond in an equally honest and authentic way.”

I grabbed a tissue from the ever-present box on the table and wiped the wet from my face. Neither the first nor the last time I’d cry in this room.

"If you had met her even a year ago, with her exactly as she is now, this relationship would be very different."

"The wedding."

"Excuse me?"

Yeah, non sequitur. "I was supposed to go to a friend’s wedding last summer but didn't because there was a change in my shooting schedule. Emma was at the wedding. You're right. Had I met her then," I shook my head. “I wouldn't have been ready for her and now could have never happened."

Celie shrugged, "Probably not."

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, "How do I get her off this pedestal I’ve put her on?"

"You seem pretty smitten. Maybe not take her off, just lower it a little." I laughed and she went on. "What you do is own your part. You have been making choices to improve yourself. You have been making choices to go out of your comfort zone. And you have been making choices to let her know you. Emma's been making similar choices to be with you. I'm sure you know what she's come through to be where she is. It seems like you complement each other. Recognize this is both of you waking up and choosing to be with each other. Talk and negotiate what that means. Tell her what you want. And when you're not talking you listen. Listen to what she needs from you. The most important for you is to keep processing the feelings with her. She's the only one who can help those make a picture. And you need to give her the same gift. She has things she’s not so proud of and afraid for you to know about her. We all do. You will need to accept her and treat her with gentle kindness she gives you.”

I was crying again. "She told me. I told her she was different than the others. She asked if maybe I was different."

Celie snickered, "I like her."

"You would. She speaks therapy."

"I want to be very clear, Seb. She sounds wonderful and she may make you better. You sound wonderful and I bet you make her better too. That’s how it should work in a relationship. You help each other along. It takes two people with self-awareness making choices to do what it takes. You both have to choose growth, honestly, humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. I hear you holding up your end. I’ve not heard you do this before. And while she may be the right woman, you've become the right man. Please, please, do not underestimate how much work you've put in to become the right man for another person.”

"I want to go home and cry for an hour or so."

"I wish Emma was here for you."

I shook my head with a grimace, "It's going to be ugly until I get it out."

"Yes. I think Emma would want to be there to hold you and you'd find more acceptance and comfort in that than you can imagine."

At home, I grabbed a beer, sank down in my favorite chair, and cried. I felt everything all at once but fought to untangle the threads. Sad was remnants of the past and dissipated quickly. Its friends regret and shame fought a little harder to stick around, but they were toxic and needed to go. Pride and relief were together too. Celie was right. I had worked hard. An infinite number of hours had gone into figuring myself out. There have been so many times I thought I'd be stuck forever. Sometime in the last two years that I've been without a girlfriend, all the work must have come together. In the last two years I've been filming almost nonstop. Five movies have come out. Two of which were Marvel circuses. It's like all the therapy (and the work that goes with it) knitted me back together while I was busy filming and living my life. Celie had told me to trust the process. I couldn't rush it or make changes happen before it was time. Patience. I am inherently impatient. Pride was for the work. Relief was for seeing results. Finally.

Next was happy. I’m in a good place. I'm excited about the movie I’m making. I have supportive, fun friends, and a loving family. I don't need a girlfriend to be happy, but one does bring everything together. I like having a person who is mine. Mine in the sense of us experiencing life together. The good and bad. I like that. I want that. And now I have it. The beginnings of it, anyway.

After I pulled my shit together, I wanted to talk to Emma. I wanted support. Maybe not support, but I felt raw. I wanted someone to soothe the raw nerves, to sit with me while all this new stuff integrated. I wish she was here. What I needed was a hug.

Sebastian ~ Can you talk?

I don't like that I asked. It feels insecure and I have zero reasons to feel insecure. I quickly decided to cut myself some slack.

My phone rang and I connected to FaceTime. "Hey." Her bright smile and obvious happiness to see me did wonders to soothe those raw nerves.

Emma's face went from a smile to wide-eyed concern. "Sebastian, what’s wrong? You look like you've been crying. What happened?" Before I could answer, she jumped to a correct conclusion. "You had therapy. Good, bad, or cathartic tears?"

"Mostly the last one."

Her hand went to her chest, "Ok." She picked up what I assumed was her iPad and crossed to the chair in her bedroom. I could see her pull her knees up when she put her feet on the ottoman. She rested the iPad on her knees.

"Mostly a repeat of what we talked about Sunday. Celie said I wasn't giving myself enough credit for the work I've done. My growth."

As Emma had alluded to the same thing, I expected a smile or some acknowledgment of her asking if I was different. Instead, I got, "What do you think?"

"I think I still need to work on not being so hard on myself." I smiled because that statement was me still being hard on myself. "When Celie pointed out how I've changed I could see it and was proud of myself. I can’t see it on my own yet, but I'll get there. I never thought anyone would get past my walls. It wasn't someone getting in, it was me getting out." More goddamned tears.

Emma reached out and touched the screen. "I‘m so happy for you. Proud of you too."

Her words felt like a hug. Close enough for now. "Thank you."

"I know you're a grown man, but I wish I was there. Crying alone sucks."

"Oh," I laughed a little, "the chances of us having a messy reunion are high."

"Why?"

"A lot of you and I talk today. I know me, it's gonna hit me when I see you."

"I should warn you. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence."

I smiled at her exaggerated southern accent with the "Steel Magnolias" quote. "See ... gonna be messy."


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of kudos and follows this week. Thank you all so much!

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian and I talked and laughed until early morning. By the time I was finished packing it almost wasn't worth going to sleep. There was no way in hell I was going to hang up before he was ready. Cathartic or not, tears are tears. And with his history of being emotionally unavailable, calling me with puffy red eyes is a big fucking deal.

Throwing my phone across the room when the alarm went off seemed like a good idea. I fought off the urge. Half an hour and a cup of coffee later I was on my way to the airport. Flying out of White Plains was a shorter drive with a longer flight. Wound up being about the same as the long drive with a shorter flight from LaGuardia. I loved flying much more than driving. Plus, TSA at White Plains is cake. Past security I got another cup of coffee and settled in until boarding. I had a lovely breakfast on my layover in North Carolina. I do love a good chicken biscuit. In Atlanta I took a picture of the “Welcome” sign and posted it with the caption, "Back where I was born." I hadn't called Atlanta home in many years. I said things like, “It's good to be back", "I missed being here.", and "I'm happy to see you guys." New York was home. Seattle was home. I rarely called Alpharetta home except as a throwaway word to avoid having to explain.

Almost immediately I got a text.

Sebastian ~ Excited for family pix

Emma ~ And live on FaceTime?

Sebastian ~ I’m not afraid of your father. I hear he's a cupcake compared to your dad. Think I can tell you and Amy apart?

Emma ~ We'll see….

We'd talked about him meeting them. I hadn't thought about how strange it’s been for him to have me all the Vedders, even texting with Ed, but not met my parents and sister. It's way more complicated with the bio family.

I had no idea who was picking me up. I exited security and immediately saw my twin and our mini-me. Amy pointed to me and Katie squealed. Amy let go of her hand and my little niece came running. I scooped her up with the reward of having my face covered in kisses. Best welcome ever. Katie wrapped her arms tight around my neck, not letting go even when we got to her mom. I was shocked by Amy's appearance. I held Katie with one arm and hugged her, "We haven't looked so identical since we were thirteen." I combed my fingers through her shoulder-length hair that was now nearly the same color as mine.

Amy put her head back and shook out her hair, "Took three visits to get the red out and tone down the brassiness."

I smiled, "If I say you look gorgeous is that vain?"

"Definitely, but also true." She hooked her arm in mine and we headed to baggage claim. "The parental units want us to drop by the hospital before heading home. They took off Monday and Tuesday. They have a full schedule for you."

I rolled my eyes, "You can fill me in as we drive. Anything we talk about I'll just have to repeat when we get to them. Right now, I want to hear from my munchkin baby girl." I tickled Katie, getting her laughing and successfully avoiding questions. I'd figure out when to tell them about Sebastian when I heard what was planned. My tentative plan was for tonight at dinner.

Katie told me all about her preschool and her toys while we waited for my suitcase and halfway to the hospital. She only stopped when her favorite song came through the speakers. After a rousing rendition of "There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea" I turned my attention to Amy. "What's the plan?"

"Today we're on our own until dinner. They said we'll decide on food later. A bunch of people from high school are going out on the lake tomorrow. I thought that would be fun. Mom said they'd keep Katie."

A lot of our old friends still lived in town. I hadn't seen anyone for a couple of years. "Sounds fun."

"Sunday family is coming over. Mom wants to tell you the rest. I promised."

I laughed, "Shopping and a spa day."

"I didn't tell you."

Fifteen minutes later we were swinging Katie between us across the parking lot. Mom and dad were heads of their departments. Neuro for dad and OB/GYN for mom. Our directions were always the same upon our arrival. Sign in and proceed to the fourth-floor doctor's cafe. Security would have paged them and they'd meet us there. I got coffee for us and ice cream for Katie.

Mom arrived first. She was the blond hair, blue-eyed version of me. Dad had dark hair and blue eyes. Amy and I were a great combination of them. Mom had us young and was not quite fifty. They always said we were planned, but who the hell plans kids right after graduating from college. Mom deferred her first year of med school. We had a wonderful nanny.

After a long hug, mom held my hands and stood back to look at me. "You look beautiful as always. Maybe a little tired."

Such a mom thing to say. "I was up late and slept on the plane."

She nodded and hugged me again, "A day by the pool will be good for you."

"Always. I hear family is coming Sunday?"

"A cookout." She looked at Amy then back to me. "I suppose your sister told you about Monday?"

"No." I slowly smirked, "I guessed, but she neither confirmed nor denied."

"Your father's going to give Wendy the day off and spend the day with Katie while we do a bit of shopping then a trip to the spa." She fingered my hair. "Maybe cut some of this."

I pushed her hand away playfully, "Nope."

I felt hands on my shoulders before hearing my dad’s voice, "I can not imagine what you'd look like with shorter hair."

I looked up and behind me with an incredulous look on my face. I pointed across the table at my twin. The one with shorter hair, "Possibly exactly like her?"

"No, you two look nothing alike." Worst dad joke ever. He took me away from mom and hugged me. "How is my youngest daughter?"

"Good. Waking up."

Dad sat on the opposite side of me from mom. "I've never understood how you fall asleep so fast on a plane."

"I like to float."

I turned my attention to mom, "Are we still on for Tuesday?" Mom did exams at a local woman’s shelter. The head counselor, Stacy, had worked at the rehab facility I’d been hidden away in. Going to visit her and the women was always the highlight of any trip back.

"Stacy is excited to see you."

"And me her."

She put her hand over mine," Not a problem to move my day."

"Thank you."

A man who looked to be a few years older than me approached our table. From the ID badge on his white coat, I knew his name was. Dr. Burns and he was a Neuro Fellow.

"Dr. Marcum, I didn't know you had two beautiful daughters and granddaughter."

"I’m overrun with beautiful women. I'm very lucky."

"Of course," he looked at my mom, “Dr. Marcum as well."

I looked at Amy to see her cover her mouth with her hand. Eligible doctor as bait was new.

Dad introduced us, "Emma is down from New York for a long weekend. Always hoping we can persuade her to move back home."

I looked at the bait, "I hope he's as clear with what he wants from you."

Bait laughed, "I'm lucky to have the opportunity to train with your father."

I was feeling like a prize to be won. Thankfully, there was someone else who thought I was a prize in a less icky way. I didn't respond to bait, preferring to take a drink of my coffee.

"I need to check post-ops. Nice to meet you, Emma. I'll see you upstairs, Dr. Marcum." He nodded to my mom and was off.

Amy burst out laughing, "Oh dad, that was horrible."

"What?" He shrugged, "Young, single, wants to stay here in Alpharetta. We could invite him to dinner. I know his schedule."

I groaned. I guess now was the time. "I appreciate your attempt to lure me back, but I don’t think my boyfriend would like me going on a date with someone who isn't him."

Amy perked up, "Boyfriend?"

"There's a picture of us on Instagram. I’ve been waiting for you to comment.”

"No!" She whipped out her phone. "This picture of the volleyball tournament is the only... oh wait... there is a man wrapped around you. I didn't pay attention."

"Let us see," my mom took the phone. "This is too small. Plus, he's hidden behind you in a hat. We can barely see him."

"He must be ugly." Amy stole a bite of Katie's ice cream.

"He is not ugly."

"Deformed in some way. A huge hairy mole in the center of his forehead like a third eye."

I laughed at her, "Are we thirteen again?"

"Thirteen was fun."

My parents were enjoying our banter, I was too. Mom looked at me, "Do you have a better picture?"

"I do." I pulled up the one from the festival with the teddy bear. "This was a couple of weeks ago. I won the bear."

I handed my phone to mom. Her eyebrows raised. "Not deformed. Or Ugly. Not even close. He looks familiar."

Amy took my phone and in under two seconds looked at me with her mouth hanging open, "Carter Baizen?"

"I didn't know you watched Gossip Girl?" I was in Seattle before it premiered.

"Everyone at school did. I only pretended I didn’t."

Dad took my phone, instantly smiling, "You look like you're having fun."

I laughed, "It was a fun day."

Mom looked at me then Amy, "Who is Carter?"

"He was a character in Gossip Girl. Hot, but an ass. The actor who played him went on to in the Marvel Movies as the Winter Soldier."

Dad scrunched up his face, "The brain damaged assassin who killed Tony’s mother?"

"Yes." I was not about to argue brain washed versus brain damaged with a neurosurgeon. "His name is Sebastian Stan."

I took my phone back and swiped to a picture of us at the volleyball tournament. Dad raised his eyebrows with a nod. Mom said, "He's very handsome."

Amy smirked, "If I swipe will I find nudes."

"Sorry, no."

"No, I won’t find them or no you don’t have any."

"Don't have."

"Damn."

I don't know what I expected from Amy, but this wasn't it. I hadn't told them about Jimmy. I just brought him home. He was the last real boyfriend. Amy’s current reaction was much more typical of early high school. My parents looked cautious.

Amy cut her eyes up to me, "Kissing in the dark restaurant. Go you, little sister."

Dad turned his attention to me, "Is this serious?"

I could feel the tension leech out of me and my face soften with a smile, "Yes, it is."

"When do we get to meet him?"

I shrugged, "We can FaceTime him after dinner. He's getting ready for a role and is home."

"I'm looking forward to meeting him." Mom put her hand on my arm. "What's he like?"

"He's very sweet. Awkward at times and trips over himself. We laugh all the time and have these great conversations about books, movies, and music. He's very good to me." I didn't want to talk non-stop about him. I wanted them to know of him and over the weekend they'd learn about him. About us. "I'm sure you'll get sick of hearing about him. What are we doing for dinner tonight?"

Katie yelled, "Pizza!"

"I love pizza." There was an amazing pizza place near the house. We’d been going there since we were Katie’s age.

Amy agreed with me, "Easy and we don't have to get out of the pool."

I looked at my arm, "I desperately need a tan."

Dad stood up, "I'm going to get back to work so I can get out of here to enjoy my girls."

"Tell Dr. Friendly the date's off."

Dad glared at Amy. I didn't try to hide my smile. Mom stood while shaking her head. I got up and hugged them. I stayed still while they walked away then looked at Amy, "Let's get out of here. Can I drive?" I was feeling a little out of control and needed to be in charge of driving.

Amy threw me the keys, "As long as you can talk and drive."

Any guesses what the topic of conversation was? The drive home wasn’t long. Walking into the house I felt much more at ease. I think I was more nervous than I was aware of. Sebastian's important.

Amy handed Katie off to the nanny, Wendy. That felt familiar. We'd grown up in this house. This scene had happened innumerable times when we walked into the house. I waved when Katie turned on her way downstairs to her playroom. I followed Amy up the stairs to my room. She stopped at my door, "Are you going to unpack? And call Sebastian?"

"No." I shook my head, "I'll do both later. Can you send me the picture of me with Katie at the airport?"

"Absolutely. We'll be thirty soon. Bio-clock is ticking."

I was aghast, "Amelia! Our mother is an Ob/Gyn. You know that's not true." We laughed.

"Ok, so he can see how good you look with a kid."

I sighed dramatically, "Everything is not about Sebastian. Plain old Instagram. Me and my niece." I’m not playing those games with him. "The picture I'm going to have you take of me in my bikini... that's all about him."

That perked her up, "We'll get Wendy to take a twin picture."

I rolled my eyes, "He'll enjoy that too."

Five minutes later I was jogging down the stairs and heading out the French doors. The water was sparkling with the sunlight. It was hot and sticky outside making floating perfect. I threw a couple of towels on the loungers and threw two floats into the pool. Amy was coming out the door as I grabbed my phone off the table. I unlocked before handing it to her.

Amy followed me around the pool, "Remember when we'd pretend we were models and take pictures of our fashion shows?"

"I do. Our phones would be full of them. I’ll need to learn more editing skills when the wrinkles show up."

Amy rubbed at the corners of her eyes, "Crows feet already."

"I have a great eye cream." She took some of me then we got Wendy to take a couple of us, ending with us floating in the pool holding hands. I hopped onto the pool edge and took my phone back. I waited for Wendy to go inside, "Ok, jump out and take one more of me on the float.” Amy took my phone and I took off my bikini, lying face down on the float.

"I cannot believe I'm partaking in this."

"Oh please, who better. It's my naked ass and yours looks identical."

"My ass doesn't look like that anymore. Pregnancy stretched that out too."

I looked at my twin in her black one-piece with cut out sides. She always had the thinner body I wanted. After Katie, she'd not lost the last bit of baby weight from her stomach and her butt. "You look great, Amy."

She put her hands over her breasts, "These have stayed a little bigger too."

"I think I’m insulted."

Taking the picture Amy asked, "Are you going to turn over?"

"Absolutely not."

"Seriously? He has seen it, right?"

"Yes." I slid into the water and started putting my suit back on. Anything that naked he or I was taking.

Amy was back on her float before I was on mine, "I've sent nudes. Not just my butt."

"To whom, dear sister?"

"It's been years ago now. He lives in Marietta. I met him at a playground with Katie. Single parents’ version of a bar. Only he was pretending to be single."

I cringed, "Ouch, I'm sorry. How did you find out?"

"When his wife called me from his phone. We'd been seeing each other for a couple of months I thought I was falling in love with him, but I was just a side piece. He wanted to keep it going even after." She shuddered, "Not mistress material."

I made a decision to trust her with something. It had been a long time, "I never told you why Jimmy and I broke up. He'd been cheating with another lawyer in his firm for months. As the one who was cheated on, I thank you for refusing to go on with it once you knew."

"Did you know the other woman?"

"Yep, even considered her a friend."

"I'm always paranoid now that there's a hidden wife. After Jimmy do you worry Sebastian will cheat?"

I didn't need to think, but I took a moment anyway. "I'm not worried about him cheating. I don't think he would. If he does... I've survived it before."

We shared a look I hadn't anticipated. We’d both survived things. I reached for her hand. "I love you, Amelia."

"Love you too, Emiliana."

"What about now? Seeing anyone."

"Maybe sorta. Back after Christmas a bunch of us from high school got together. Max was there. He's divorced with a daughter in first grade. He has custody and wanted to wait until summer to move back so his parents can help with her. We texted and talked some. He moved back a couple of weeks ago. We've gone out to dinner. It was good. He'll be there tomorrow."

I remembered Max very well. He was a baseball player who looked very good in those pants. He was a year ahead of us and I had no idea what he'd done after high school. I didn't keep up with anyone except the occasional text or Instagram from a couple of girls on the volleyball team. Anything I knew was tidbits from Amy. She'd tried to get me to go to her five and ten year reunion, but I didn't graduate from here. I went to my reunions back in Seattle. Kept up with more friends from there and saw them when I was home. "Didn't you have a crush on Max?"

I recognized the smile on Amy's face. She looked just like me when I'd been caught. "He won't let me forget."

We laid in the pool laughing and talking. It had been a long time since I'd felt this close to her. I can't be sure if that's her, me, or a little of both. Doesn't matter because it was just good and before we knew it mom and dad were home. They brought Katie with them out to the pool deck. "We sent Wendy home. Just family this weekend."

Amy sat up, "Remember we're going out on the lake tomorrow."

Mom smiled, "I remember. Are you two hungry?"

The second she mentioned food my stomach growled. I put my hand over, "Very."

A discussion about pizza toppings ensued. At the end I got out of the pool, "I'm going shower before the food gets here."

Amy followed, "Me too."


	57. Chapter 57

~*~Emma~*~

Before jumping in the shower, I pulled up the naked picture, put a peach (I was in Georgia, after all) over my ass, and posted it on Instagram along with one of Amy and I floating and holding hands. I drew a heart around us and captioned it “Sister love”. When I got out of the shower, I had a text.

Sebastian ~ Imagine my sad face when there wasn’t a peach free version in my texts. Nice bikini.

Emma ~ You mean the version with my bikini bottoms that my sister took.

Sebastian ~ Ok, maybe not. Still a sad face.

I sent him a posed bikini shot.

Sebastian ~ I’m not going to complain. What a beauty. How is it going?

Emma ~ Five minutes and I'll call you.

Sebastian ~ Should be just enough time... with my new bikini pic.

Emma ~ Now I know why your biceps are so big.

Sebastian ~ Foreams.

I pulled the towel off my hair, threw on clothes, and opened my iPad. Didn't take him long to answer. "Ce mai faci, Sebasti-an?" <How are you?>

“I was having a good day, now it's even better. How about you?"

I caught him up on the day and plans for the long weekend.

"You're going to be busier than me. I’ve got dinner with the guys. Then Canada. Sounds like our Sunday date may need to be postponed."

Our phone sex date. "Hell, no. Do you think after a day with family I'm not going to need to release some tension?"

Sebastian sighed, "That's all I am to you. Tension release."

"More of a perk than a purpose."

"I can live with that." He shrugged with a smile.

“That’s good because dad introduced to an eligible doctor today. He wanted to invite him to dinner. I told him my boyfriend didn’t like me to go on dates with other men.”

“Damn straight.”

“I call him bait.”

“To his face?”

I snickered and shook my head, "We've got pizza coming for dinner. Wanna meet the fam now? Natural conversation ender."

"Whenever."

I stood up, "Now, then I'll call you later. Unless you're falling back into your hole."

He held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, "A little hole. I’m all yours whenever."

"Won't be too late." I opened my door and headed down the hall. I could see everyone in the family room. "Hey guys, I’ve got Sebastian. Want to meet him?"

Amy yelled, "Yes."

I put the iPad on the coffee table while they squished together. I stood behind them. "Family, Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Katie, Amy, mom is Andrea, and dad is David."

"Nice to meet all of you."

Katie got very close to the camera like she did when she talked to me, "Do you have a dog?"

"I don't have a dog. Do you have a dog?"

"No, but I want one. What about a cat, do you have a cat?"

He shook his head with a pout, "They make me sneeze. I have a fish. He lives with your Aunt Emma. His name is Mycroft."

"That's a stupid name."

Sebastian crinkled up his nose, "I know. Emma named him.”

Amy pulled her away, "We don't say stupid."

"She's a cutie." Sebastian looked between us. "I’m about to sound like I’m sucking up. All four of you are beautiful and carbon copies. Love the new hair, Amy."

Amy ran her fingers through, "Thank you."

Mom added, "Sucking up or not, always nice to hear. Amy said you're on your way to Canada."

Sounds like Amy had told our parents about our conversation.

"Yes. I have a movie showing at the Toronto Film Festival. I’m doing some advance press and meetings."

"And Rome," from Amy.

"Female spy movie."

My dad spoke up, "I‘m a history buff and have read about the units, mostly in Europe during World War two."

And they were off. Sebastian had been researching and dad directed him to a couple of books. They were animated and their conversation bounced back and forth. Sebastian managed to guide the talk around and asked mom about the mini-family reunion going on Sunday. Mom talked about the menu before she started sharing embarrassing stories. Sebastian told a few on himself. I pulled Amy in and she retaliated with a particularly embarrassing story that ended with me peeing by the side of a road. Maybe this meeting thing was a bad idea.

Sebastian looked at me, "So when we take a road trip you can point out the best places."

His words were teasing, but his expression was adoration. I felt it all over and smiled in return. "I imagine you’d block me from view instead of advertising a roadside strip show like she did.”

“I would.”

Fifteen minutes in the doorbell rang. I was starving but wished it had taken a little longer. I had been a little worried at first when it felt like they were interviewing him, but like he’d told me and I’d seen, after a few minutes they went back to normal and talked to him like he was anyone else. I was still standing in the back and went after the pizza, putting it on the table before returning to my spot. He and Amy were laughing about something.

Sebastian glanced up at me for a second, “I don’t want to keep you from dinner. Emma’s bragged on the pizza place. Go eat while it’s hot.”

Amy and dad said it was nice to meet him and mom said, “Fingers crossed things continue and we get to do this again or in person.”

What the fuck!

Sebastian saw me make a face and throw my hands up. He smiled and spoke to my mom, “I’m not going anywhere.” He glanced up to me, “I’ll talk to you later, Em?”

“Yep, I’ll text to make sure you’re still up.”

I used the time it took me to walk around the couch and close the cover on my iPad to calm myself down. What an absolutely strange thing for my mother to say to my boyfriend. By strange I mean bitchy. I wasn't willing to let it go but now wasn't the time. I'd like to say because I didn't want to confront her in front of the whole family, but it was because I was hungry.

Amy was buckling Katie in her booster seat, mom had the plates, and dad had multiple bottles of beer. I had no function. I sat down and opened the pizza boxes. The first bite was as good as I remembered. The combination of flavor and the happy memories made me smile. I chased the bite with beer and was in heaven.

I was content to sit quietly enjoying my pizza and beer. My twin was not, "Sebastian is nice and funny. He tells great stories. His expressions. I mean I know he's an actor, but this was him as a person. I like him."

"Me too," came from Katie.

"And he is gorgeous." Amy’s eyes were huge, "Gorgeous."

I pulled my lips to the side and nodded, "Yes, he is."

From the end of the table, my dad spoke, "Amy, tell us what's going on at the lake?"

Mom added, "Is Max going to be there?"

The rest of dinner was my parents talking to Amy about tomorrow and asking questions about her and Max. Not one word from either of them about Sebastian. I could tell they knew a lot about Max by the questions they asked. Zero questions about my boyfriend, who they knew next to nothing about. They knew next to nothing about how we met or what we’d done. They were asking about Amy and Max though. I wasn't even included in the conversation. I didn't have a function here either.

I wonder how much beer is in the fridge or tequila in the bar?

I’m angry. Sebastian was charming, self-effacing, and knew enough about them to ask questions. I don't expect them to gush all over about him, but how about a "he seems nice" or even "it was nice to talk to him.". But no. Nothing. Zippo.

One of the first things I learned in rehab was anger is a secondary emotion. Equally as valid, but still derived from another emotion. Something comes first and triggers anger. My feelings are hurt. They can talk to Amy about Max at any time. Literally at any time because she lives here. I'm here for five days and we just had him on FaceTime. Silence. I feel discounted.

I volunteered to take the garbage out. I needed some air. Instead of coming back inside, I sat down on one of the loungers, putting my phone on the side table. Closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing I tried to slip into calm. I was almost there when I heard the doors open and close. The calm disappeared. I was guessing it was mom. Dad wasn't one for confrontation and there was no mistaking there was going to be confrontation. Imagine my surprise when it was both of them.

"Hey, sweetheart." Dad sat on the foot of the lounger next to me. I pulled my feet up, making room for mom.

"Hey, has Katie gone to bed?"

Mom shook her head. "Amy's reading to her."

"We wanted to talk to you about Amy."

"OK." I was a little confused. "She seems really good. The last few months we've been texting and talking more. Today was nice. Laying here in the pool talking like we were teenagers again."

Mom put her hand on my foot, "I’m glad. Amy told us some of it."

My dad had his hands clasped between his knees. "Amy has been doing well. She has a good job, has been going out with friends, and she likes this Max."

“I remember him from high school."

"We'd like to keep her doing well. This is the longest she's been sober. We need you to tone it down a little."

I cocked my head, "Tone what down?"

Dad said, "Talking about Sebastian."

In an interesting twist, mom tried to lessen that blow. Sort of. "In general too. How good things are going at work and your social life. She compares herself to you and we don't want Amy to feel bad about herself."

I needed to know, "Did Amy say something? Have I said or done something for her to feel inferior?"

"No, not all. She said the same as you about how good it felt today."

Amy saying she felt less was completely different than what was going on here. I fought back angry tears. "First, I have barely talked about Sebastian. Amy asked questions from the hospital to here. I was excited for you all to meet him, but did it before dinner so it was time limited. That’s all I’ve said about him. You two don't even know how we met. Your disinterest is pretty clear.” I looked at dad, "I wasn't going to bring him up until after dinner, but you were trying to set me up." I turned my head to my mom, "And you straight up said if you two don't break up maybe we'll talk to you again."

"Emiliana, you're overreacting. Sebastian seems very nice and seems to be quite taken with you. My comment was more for Amy. He's a movie star. Of course, she's jealous, but she needs to remember dating doesn't mean forever."

"But you said it to Sebastian. Why would you say that to either of us?" I had my hand up with all fingers pointing at my chest. "Sebastian is the first relationship I’ve had in forever and you're forecasting the end. I’m happy and you're saying maybe it’ll last. That’s hurtful and mean."

"I’m happy for you. We're just asking you not to rub your sister's nose in your happiness and success."

Had I thought there was the slightest bit of truth to that statement I would have backed down. But there wasn't. "I've done no such thing. I've intentionally not done that. There's so much I could be saying, but haven't."

"Thank you. Please keep it that way." .

I stared at her. The correct response would have been they wanted to hear all about him.

My dad's voice cut the silence. "I didn't know you were dating anyone. I wouldn't have mentioned Frank coming to dinner if I had. What's so wrong with wanting my daughter to come home?"

He did well until the last sentence. It sucked the anger out of me and left sadness. "But you don't want me home. You want a version of me who isn't excited about a new boyfriend, or celebrates winning a volleyball tournament, or has friends who enjoy hanging out with me, or is proud of how she does her job. Or is at least is willing to pretend she isn’t."

Neither said anything. They couldn't because they knew I was right. I picked up my phone and stood up, "I'm going to go sit by the lake for a bit. Watch the water."

Mom didn't move, but Dad stood up. "Emma, Amy has struggled and worked hard to deal with what happened that summer."

I curled my lips in tight, refusing to cry. "So did I."

I walked along the wooded path and to the end of the dock. I sat dangling my legs off and called my other dad.

Ed picked up on the first ring, "It's too soon for you to call. You haven't been there for twelve hours."

I jumped right in. "I had a fight with my parents. The day with Amy has been great, like we were kids again. We’ve laughed and talked and even had this moment where we connected about what happened. Then my parents literally told me to stop being so happy. I might make Amy relapse."

"I love you, Emma.” He gave me a smile that was more sad than happy. “Tell me what they said. Exactly what they said."

Tears rolled down my face as I relayed the conversation.

Ed was silent until the end. He has always tried to be objective and not say anything negative about my parents. "Fuck them, Emma."

I started laughing. "I knew I wasn't overreacting. It’s not even that they want me tone it down because I do that with Amy all the time. I always check what's going on with her before I tell her what's going on with me. I'm always careful."

"I know you are."

"It's that they don't even consider me. Not a word. Had they said they wanted to hear all about Seb, but things were rough with Amy it would have been alright. But Amy's doing great and I can't be too happy in case she might not be. I have to be half of me so they can hope she'll be whole. I want her to be ok too, but not at the expense of me. To throw out they want me home. Why would I ever even consider moving back here with people who want me to diminish myself? And that she struggled. What do they think I did?”

“You could tell them.”

“Tell them? Are you crazy? So next time Amy is feeling bad about herself they can tell her then she relapses and tells whoever. No, thank you.”

Ed laughed, “I didn’t say it was a good idea. Don’t forget it’s your choice. You always have a choice. Even if it’s the best choice there are consequences. For the record, I think you made the right choice.”

I laid down on the dock. I know it’s not about sides, but I needed somebody on mine. Ed was on mine. “I want to go home.”

“Call an Uber and go to the airport. You need money, I’ll send. Or call Sebastian he’ll fly you home.”

That made me laugh, he was clearing the way for whatever I needed. “It’s my choice.”

“Always.”

I thought a second and Ed was good with the silence. “The only reason I’m not going home is that I don’t think this is Amy and we’re spending a day out with friends tomorrow. I don’t want to miss a good visit with my sister because my parents are assholes.”

“You said that, not me.”

“I read your mind. I love you. Thank you. I’m better.” I groaned, “I’m supposed to FaceTime Sebastian. I’m sure I’m a mess.”

“Don’t lie to him. Don’t pretend everything’s ok. Let him support you. I think he’ll be good at it. Doesn’t mean I’m going to quit giving him shit.”

“He doesn’t think you’re going to kill him anymore.”

“I’ll have to work harder.”

We hung up and I headed back toward the house. It was nearly pitch black out here and I wanted to see Sebastian.


	58. Chapter 58

~*~Sebastian~*~

The video call with Emma's family had been good until the last sentence. I wasn't sure if Andrea was legitimately saying she hoped we'd be together or questioning if we would. From the look on Emma's face, she was going with option two. Now I was slightly suspicious Eli's dislike for them wasn't unfounded.

It wasn't late when Emma called. I put my script on the table and stretched out on the couch before connecting the call. I stopped before a word left my mouth.

Emma said, "Hey."

"This is not the same happy face I saw less than two hours ago." She looked exhausted. While her puffy red eyes could be from the pool, I doubted it was chlorine. She'd been crying. A knot formed in my stomach. I spoke quietly, "What's going on, baby?"

What followed was a strange story of her parents ignoring her to talk to Amy then telling Emma she should pretend her life sucks so her sister won't do drugs. Oversimplified, but accurate.

Dammit, Eli was right.

Emma went back and forth between angry and sad. I honestly don’t know which was worse, but I didn't like either of them. A wave of protectiveness washed over me and I wanted to jump on a plane to go get her. She didn't need saving now any more than she did in the bar after the volleyball tournament. The difference was either I was there just in case she needed me at the bar or possibly my feelings for her were stronger now. Or both.

At the end of the story, she said, "It's not always this bad. Most of the time it's fine, besides the walking on eggshells. I didn't say anything because I try to be optimistic. If I come down here thinking the worst, I’m reading into everything and paranoid about everything I say. It only makes things worse. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad."

I double blinked, "Mad? I’m not mad at you. I’m pissed as hell at them. Your best friend kind of hates them. Your sister's a heroin addict and your parents signed over custody of you to a rock star who lived on the other side of the country. I never thought this was a vacation. You said I didn't need to worry, but I did anyway. I am going to need Eli's phone number so I can apologize for thinking he was an ass about your parents."

I felt better when she smiled, "He'll enjoy that and never let you forget."

"Never letting you forget stupid shit is the basis of most male friendships." I switched back to serious for a second, "Do you wanna leave? Say the word and I'll book the flight and talk to you until the Uber gets there. Meet you at the airport here and we'll lock ourselves in my apartment until we have to leave Sunday. Hell, you can just stay here and hideout. Maybe rearrange some more of my drawers."

"As wonderful as it sounds, no. Not tonight anyway. Amy and I will have a good time tomorrow. I'd feel bad running off. Sunday there will be family buffers. Monday, I don't know. Mom will be doing exams Tuesday while I'm with the girls." She shook her head, "I already severely limit my time here."

"Em, it's ok to not want to be around people who make you feel bad. Even if they're family. It's shitty, but it's your choice."

"Visit when my guilt about not visiting outweighs the potential bad time when I visit."

"I don't recommend guilt." I looked at her thinking what a shit situation this was.

"I don't want to fight to just be myself. Shouldn't be this difficult. I can understand them wanting to protect Amy, but I feel like they don't want to hear about me."

I couldn't fix this as much as I wanted to. "Last night when you knew I'd been upset did you feel incredibly helpless? Even though talking to me while I could see you was enough."

"Yep." She yawned. "I was out by the lake. I came back where it was light and we could see each other. We have good phone calls."

I agreed. Phone calls, even video calls, can feel distant or impersonal. Not for us. I'm used to keeping friendships going over the phone. If I couldn't have real conversations on the phone, I wouldn't be sane. "You’re tired."

"I don't want to hang up."

"Not going to. What was your favorite bedtime story when you were little?"

She looked at me like I was a little crazy. Not inaccurate. "Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree."

"I want you to go upstairs and get into bed. While you’re doing that, I’m going to find Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree. Then I'm going to read to you until you fall asleep."

“You’re going to read me a bedtime story?”

I most definitely was. I nodded with a smile.

“Best boyfriend ever.”

“Trying.” I could tell she was getting up. “I’m going to be quiet so you can sneak in.”

“My parents are awake in the family room. I have to walk through.”

“Just pretend you're sneaking me to your bedroom after a date. Put me in your pocket.”

She laughed and then the screen went dark. I could hear muffled voices. “I’m going to bed.”

“Amy said to be ready to leave at ten.”

“Sounds good. Night.”

“Sleep well. We love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Hmmm. Her voice didn’t hold the warmth those words should have. Not the way I’d want to hear them.

Less than a minute later I was out of her pocket. “I need the bathroom. I’m going to let you hang out in bed.” She was quiet, but I could see she was concentrating on something. “Enjoy.”

Emma dropped the phone on the bed and I was staring at the ceiling when my text notification went off. Oh . . . the naked on a pool float picture. Peachless. Also, bikini bottomless. I was still smiling when the real girl came back on camera. “Nice ass.”

She crawled under the covers and propped her phone against the pillow next to her. “Remarkably self-conscious.”

“Then why’d you send it?” From the drinking game, I knew she’d sent nudes to someone before.

“Wasn’t self-conscious until after I sent. At the time it was fun and flirty. I knew you’d like it. After I hit send I thought I should make sure.”

“No, you were right I like it. A lot. Want a picture of my ass?”

“Your naked is ass is online and on film.”

“Bonus for you! Everything will be soon enough.” I still wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“Really? Full frontal?”

“Not sure how full, but frontal. The movie I shot in Greece. Talk about self-conscious.”

“I tell you what. When your full-frontal comes out, I’ll send you full-frontal. We’ll be even.”

“Now I’m looking forward to the release.” A dirty smile formed on my face, “Do I get to take it?”

“I don’t know who else would.”

I scrunched up my face because that hurt in all the good ways. I’m supposed to be reading a bedtime story not getting a hard-on. Guess where gonna see if I can do both at the same time. “Time for sleep.”

She smiled and tucked her hands under her pillow. I like seeing her relaxed like this even better than the naked pool picture. “You look so pretty curled up.”

“Did you remember to turn on the screenshot function?”

“I did.” I took one right now. “I’ll go sleep to that.” 

Winnie-the-Pooh sat down at the foot of the tree, put his head between his paws and began to think. First of all he said to himself: “That buzzing-noise means something. You don’t get a buzzing-noise like that, just buzzing and buzzing, without its meaning something. If there’s a buzzing-noise, somebody’s making a buzzing-noise, and the only reason for making a buzzing-noise that _I_ know of is because you’re a bee.”

Then he thought another long time, and said: “And the only reason for being a bee that I know of is making honey.”

And then he got up, and said: “And the only reason for making honey is so as _I_ can eat it.” So he began to climb the tree.

I kept reading until I was sure she was asleep. Instead of hanging up, I hit mute and put my phone on the arm of the chair where I could see her while I worked. I kept watch until she changed positions and knocked the phone onto the screen.

First thing in the morning, before heading to the gym, I sent her one of the pictures I took of her sleeping.

Sebastian ~ Hope your day is as peaceful as you look here.

Emma ~ Thank you. For everything. Listening, talking, bedtime story.

Sebastian ~ Confession. Didn't know Pooh before last night.

Emma ~ We can watch next time we're together.

Sebastian ~ Cuddled up watching Winnie the Pooh sounds good. Have fun today.

Emma ~ Have fun with the guys tonight.

The next time I checked my phone, after working out, I had half a dozen text messages. All from Evans.

Chris ~ Yo!

Chris ~ Wake up

Chris ~ Lazy fucker

Chris ~ Are you home?

Chris ~ I’m in NYC

Chris ~ Let me know

Sebastian ~ Ass. I was at the gym. Chace is in town too. Meeting for drinks about five. Dinner. More drinks. You should come. I'd love to see you.

Chris ~ Sounds great. Tell me where.

I sent him the address and was more excited about my night. Will, Chace, and now Chris were doing before dinner drinks then we'd meet up with the others. I'd made a ton of progress with the new role. After my shower I made some more notes, alternating with checking Instagram when I got a notification Emma had posted. A group walking down a dock pulling a couple of coolers was labeled, "Load in." A shot all of them on the boat. Emma was wearing the same bikini from yesterday with a pair of cutoffs. A couple of hours later she posted multiple pictures of them tubing, people sitting around laughing, others in the water, and a couple of them laying out on the deck. None of those had my girl. The next batch did. Same sort of pictures, but with her in.

This was much better than last night. She looked like she was having fun. The last one before I headed to meet the guys was her, Amy, and who I assume was Amy's boyfriend. He was in the middle. Emma's caption read, "Someone is missing."

I commented, "Miss you too."

I ran into Chace right outside the bar. We hugged and gave each other shit about our matching beards. We kept up the teasing and laughing all the way to the table. Will and Chris were already seated and had ordered beers. Chris downed half his beer in one drink, "Seb, man, you stood me up. I mean, I get helping your parents move."

Will laughed. Chace cocked his head to the side and smiled. Chris looked at them before turning his attention back to me, "What have you done?"

I put my beer down slowly. "Yeah, about that. I may have left out a bit. I was helping my parents move, but that's not why I stayed."

Chris put his hand on my shoulder, "You met a girl."

"I met a girl. We'd had a great first date and I wasn't ready to leave. I wanted to get to know her better."

Chris looked up like he was thinking, "I'm good with that." His eyes came back, "Still seeing her?"

I couldn't have stopped my smile if I'd tried. "Yeah. Emma."

Chris smiled, "Nice."

Chace looked at Will, "You knew this and didn't bust him in our group chat?"

Will shrugged, "Trust me, it's more fun this way." He shifted his eyes to me for a second before looking back to Chace with a smirked, "You've met her."

Chace pointed to himself, "I’ve met her?"

Will continued, "At Kirk's wedding she was with the singer from Boone's band and his wife."

I watched him search his memory, "Didn't I hit on her?"

"Why did you say that out loud?

Chace snickered, "To see him make that face."

Not sure what face I was making, but I changed it.

"I thought they were in a throuple."

I rolled my eyes, "Not a throuple."

"How is that even a word?" Chris screwed up his face.

Will handed Chace his phone, "This is her Instagram Emma_plays_90"

Unless Emma had updated the first was another throuple.

"Sister?"

"Twin."

Both smirked, "Nice."

Chace asked, "Which is yours?"

"Polka dot bikini."

They scrolled back in her timeline, turning the phone toward me when they got to the peach one.

Chris raised one eyebrow, "Please, tell me you have the uncensored version."

I nodded. Smiling again.

Chace handed Will his phone back, "You have better on your phone. Hand it over."

I knew this would happen and had left the naked one in my texts. I had to stand up to dig my phone out of my pocket. I had it unlocked and the folder full of her open when I got a text.

Emma ~ Tell Chris hi and nice to meet him.

I looked up. Chris was on his phone. "What did you do?"

Chris did a shit job of pretending to look innocent. "Does Instagram notify someone if you follow them?"

"If their account is set to private and they have to approve you, yes, it does." Another text.

Emma ~ And Chace...

I glared at him. He shrugged, "0oops."

"Now she knows we're talking about her." No idea why I said that. Of course, she knows we're talking about her.

Will looked exasperated, "She already knew."

Chace chuckled, "She DM’d me. Hope your pick-up lines have improved." He sat there saying each word as he replied, "I'd like to say they have, but probably not."

Will smacked the back of Chace's head, "Stop it. You know how he gets."

One of the side effects of insecurity is jealousy. I get jealous. And in an all-time dick move I don't like it when girlfriends get jealous. I think that falls under the topic of commitment issues. I shook my head at Will, "Not jealous. It's this combination of annoyed that I could have met her a year ago and relief I didn't because things would have gone very differently. I was not ready for Emma a year ago."

"How'd you get ready?"

One of the things Chris and I have in common is relationship and commitment issues. I had no trouble answering, "Years of therapy finally came together. I managed to step outside my walls and she ... she has this way of working around my anxiety. Makes it ok."

I handed over my phone, scrolled back to the beginning with the fish.

Chace winked at Chris, "Told ya the good ones were on his phone."

They scrolled through, stopping to look at each other before turning the phone around to me. It was on the deck at her place. She was sitting at the table, her leg pulled up with her foot on the seat, smiling at me. She'd looked beautiful in the fading light. The smile, the look on her face, still made my heart skip a beat. Any man would love to have a woman look at him the way she was looking at me. That was day four. It’s even better now.

Chris turned the phone back toward them, "You should have led with you'd blown me off because you met a beautiful woman who looks at you like you hung the fucking moon."

I shook my head, "I met a very kind and amazing woman who just happens to be beautiful."

Chace asked, "How'd you meet?"

"She thought I was a drug addict getting snacks before checking into the rehab place up the road. She

helped me find chocolate chips for mom to make fudge."

Chris looked surprised then smiled, "That's a good story."

"Nice, but makes questionable choices." Chris grabbed Chace’s hand to turn the phone back around.

Chace kept scrolling, "This hers? She have a kid?"

Not sure why the pictures are out of order. "No, one of her students. She teaches first grade."

Chris started laughing, his hand went to his chest, "This is perfect. I couldn't do this better."

I was lost, "What are you talking about?"

Chris waved his hand around, "Issues aside and knowing you're not always the good guy in the relationship. The Seb I know," He pointed to Chace and Will, “we know, is kind, sensitive, and has a big ole soft heart. Every time you date someone, I get scared. Legit terrified. I’m afraid every girl is going to break you, change you, and you won’t be sweet Seb anymore. When I think of a teacher, especially a first-grade teacher, I think patient, kind, empathetic, flexible but firm. If I was setting you up on a blind date, I'd look for those qualities. This could be perfect."

"Emma is all those things. And accepting. I had a panic attack the other night. She didn't bitch about me not waking her, or ask a million questions, she just asked what I needed to be ok. I needed a run. I came back and she was upside down on my couch and had switched my sock and underwear drawers. She took none of it on, just took care of me."

"Refreshing," Chris said and the others agreed.

"I took care of her after she got to her parents."

Will winced, "Eli right to hate them?"

My eyes went wide, "They ignored her to talk about Amy's boyfriend, and told her to pretend her life sucks so Amy won't do drugs and relapse."

Will grimaced, "Yeah, Eli is right."

I filled in the holes for Chace and Chris.

Chace frowned, "You’re supposed to go to rehab for cocaine?"

Chris put his hand over his mouth and pretended to look surprised, "Oops."

Chace again, "I picture a first-grade teacher as sweet and innocent. No cursing, drinking, and kinda shy with sex."

I lifted an eyebrow. The same side of my mouth curving up. "I get that, but no." I pulled my eyebrows down, pursed my lips, and shook my head. "I do like Monday mornings when she comes down looking like a first-grade teacher."

Chace leaned forward, "Are you in love with her?" He started to smile.

I hesitated and Will spoke up, "If you say anything besides yes you're a worse liar than you are an actor."

"That's harsh." I rubbed my hand over my beard. "Falling in love, yes. Haven't quite been pushed

over the edge."

"How long have you known her?" From Chace.

"Three weeks."

Chris was shaking his head," You don't need months to know what's right for you. Don't overthink it. If she's ticking all your boxes, your heart flutters when you see here, and her smile takes your breath away, it's long enough. Don't waste a second. Falling in love is the best feeling in the world, just fucking enjoy.”

Chace held his hand out, palm up, waving from Chris to me. "For the record, I wasn't going to give you shit. I was just curious."

The conversation changed to what had been going on with them. Chace was doing some anti-superhero Amazon series. Chris was signed on for an Amazon series too. Apparently, the future is Amazon. The beers kept coming and we were lit when Chris asked our servers to take a picture. He texted it to the three of us and we posted it to Instagram at the same time. Complete with a countdown. Because drunk boys.

We wove our way the block to the restaurant. Our group more than doubled in size. Dinner sobered us up. It was a good time. We were loud for no other reason than talking across a long table. Ok, we were a little loud anyway. Next was another bar. We got even louder there. The value of a night out with the guys should never be underrated. Being idiots and taking the piss out of each other was good for the soul, and bad for the liver. We closed the bar down, loading into cabs in groups heading in the same direction.

I barely remember getting home. The next morning, I woke up with a raging headache. First order of the day was Advil and a bottle of water. Second was checking in on Emma. After the bar, the first one, I hadn't checked my phone again. She knew how to reach me if she needed me. I'd figured she was having fun like I was. From the pictures and videos on Instagram plus the ones she'd texted me, I was right. They’d gone back to her parents after the boat and had a pool party.


	59. Chapter 59

~*~Emma~*~

The lake had been fun. It was initially awkward, but after we loaded into the boat and were underway it got better. I snagged a spot up front in the bow. I was joined by three girls, now women, I’d known well in high school. We started by talking about our current lives and by the time we'd found a spot to anchor we were telling old stories and laughing through our memories. Once the four of us had reconnected the others were easy with conversations and groupings overlapping. An hour later it felt like old times. There were lots of pictures taken and we were texting them to each other immediately. I posted some on Instagram and sent some directly to Sebastian. I had no problem posting bikini-clad pictures of me in a group, but solo went only to him. I've never been one for posting me. It's usually an activity with people.

There was a dock near the southeast border of the lake for gassing up and they had a sandwich shop. Sandwich included hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries, and onion rings. We decided to eat at the picnic tables. Stowing food was more to pack up and could stink. We were relaxing and waiting for the last ones to finish when my notification went off. Chris Evans was asking permission to follow my account. Interesting. Approved. Not a minute later so was Chace Crawford. Also approved, but with a snarky DM about his pickup lines. He'd hit on me at Kirk's wedding. Very unsuccessfully.

Emma ~ Tell Chris hi and nice to meet him.

Sebastian ~ We’re not talking about you. Much. Ok, we are. Sebastian ~ We're mostly looking at pictures.

Emma ~ The ones on your phone are much better than IG

Sebastian ~ Chace will be the one to figure that out.

Chris DM'd me, “Can't wait to meet you in person. Hearing very sweet things.”

I sent back, "A few are true. He exaggerates."

"Yeah, he's got a huge crush on you."

"Nice to know."

We watched sunset out on the water. It was beautiful. The haze and clouds made for muted pinks, purples, blues, and grays. I took a dozen of those hoping to catch the perfect one. I was in a group of people, but the sunset had me feeling lonely. It was fleeting and I was back into the party spirit quickly.

Amy thought it was a good idea to take everyone back to our house for a pool party. I did not agree. Our parents were home babysitting their granddaughter and we were about to invade with a hoard of drunk friends. All of whom were inviting more and asking them to pick up booze. It felt very high school and in need of at least a phone call. However, it was Amy’s idea and no one wanted to hear from me last night. I wouldn’t be calling ahead.

I went inside to go to the bathroom and ran into dad. "What's all that noise we just got Katie in bed?"

"Amy invited some friends back to the pool."

"You’re teenagers again."

"Seems like it."

"Try and keep it down."

"I will tell her." Not my party. Not my crowd control. I did my business and went back outside. Amy was making out with Max in the pool. I tapped on her head, breaking their kiss, "Dad said to keep it down."

They went back to kissing. I'd deemed my message delivered and headed to the bar, putting in the code and retrieving a bottle of tequila. When I stood up, I was surprised to see Kai on the other side of the bar. Kai was the boyfriend who broke up with me after rehab. Kai's hands were shoved in the pockets of his swim shorts. He nodded toward the group, "Amy said you'd be ok with me coming. I wanted to check."

My current plan for Amy’s death was drowning. She was already in the pool after all. I pasted a less than genuine smile on my face, "It's fine, Kai. It was a long time ago. How are you?"

Kai was very southern lawyer attractive. Thinking back, he always had been. "I’m good. I did become a lawyer. Work for a firm here in Alpharetta. I got married three years ago. Her name is Melanie. We're expecting a baby in January."

"Congratulations. That’s wonderful."

He nodded, "Thank you. What are you up to?"

"I teach first grade, love it. I play in a volleyball rec league. My best friend's in a band so I go into the city and visit. My boyfriend lives there too."

Kai laughed, "I might have heard about him."

"I bet. He's a good guy. Lots of fun and good to me.”

"Better than I was, I’m sure."

Ah! This was going to be some sort of apology. I cringed and pulled up my shades for a second, "Well Kai, you did break up will me three days after I got back from rehab. You kinda failed at supportive boyfriend."

"Yeah, I did. Sorry. In hindsight, it was a shitty thing to do. Bad timing and a lie of a reason."

"I knew that."

"Sorry. I’ve always felt guilty."

I smiled, "It was a long time ago, Kai. We've grown up. We're both doing well."

"I wish we could go back to friends again. We were friends since middle school."

I don't think he realized that made it worse. We’d been friends before we were anything else and none of that mattered when he left me. It didn’t matter to me now. “I stopped being angry with you a very, very long time ago, Kai. Forgave you for leaving me when I needed you. But there’s no reason for us to be friends now. I come back a couple of times a year. You and I are strangers now. And while I have forgiven you, I’d never trust you again.” His guilt is not a reason for me to welcome him back into my life.

“Wow.” He looked surprised.

I smiled, “I wish nothing but the best for you.” I leaned back to see under the bar and brought up a couple of glasses. “Drink to old times?”

He looked surprised again. “Yeah, Em.”

“Good.” I poured the tequila and tapped my glass against his. “To happy memories and years of fun times.”

We both drank and he walked around to my side of the bar. It was my turn to be surprised when he hugged me, “I wish nothing but the best for you too, Emma.”

I patted his back, “Thank you.”

Kai let go and walked back toward the pool.

I tell you what, this has been the strangest visit I’ve ever had and that’s saying a lot. I’m starting to get paranoid about what the next three days are going to bring. I poured another tequila and questioned my decision to not hop back on a plane last night. I could be home in my bed or in the city tucked into Sebastian’s bed waiting for him to get home or out with Eli and Angie. All preferable to this mixed bag of what the fuck.

I hung out for another hour before letting Amy I was heading to bed. Family day was supposed to start at about noon. That gave me time to sleep in a little, go for a run, and shower before arrivals started. Of course, because I had time to sleep in, I woke up at my normal time. I texted Sebastian, saying good morning, and was pleasantly surprised when his face showed up on my phone.

“It’s morning, but good is a stretch.”

He looked a little rough, but still handsome. “Good night with the boys?”

Sebastian nodded then winced, “Very.” He filled me in on his night. There’d been lots of laughs and he gave me back story on any conversations. I liked watching him talk. In his hungover state, he was less animated than usual, but his expressions and eyes still conveyed a range of emotions. I laughed at the late-night stories. My favorite was Chris edging between Chace and Sebastian in the bathroom, sharing a urinal with Seb because he couldn’t wait.

My stories weren’t nearly as funny. It’s possible things got out of hand after I’d gone to bed. I’m sure Amy would fill me in. I told him about the conversation with Kai.

“Ouch, you’re tough.”

I rolled to my side, putting the phone against the pillow, “It’s not my responsibility to ease his guilt.”

“True.”

“If we were going to be around each other my response might have been different, but there’s no reason. Haven’t seen him in twelve years, likely won’t for at least that long. We talked at the party, laughed. We’re just not going to be friends.”

“No, no, I get it.” He was shaking his head. “I think you might still be a little angry.”

I laughed, “Maybe I should have been less direct. I wasn’t expecting to see him. More indifferent than angry.”

“I don’t know if you should have. I just don’t want to be on the receiving end of your directness. The indifferent version.” He smiled with his using my word instead of his “angry”. “You were pretty direct with Drew in the bar too. I like you having a little bite.” He looked like he was thinking and I stayed quiet. “You are incredibly kind until you’re not. I mean, I think you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but once they cross over the line where you don’t trust them you have no problem putting them in their place. That’s a good thing. Sometimes people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.”

“Ed tells me I let people get away with too much.”

“Do you think so?”

“Sometimes. I can give too many chances. It all depends on how much I care about someone and the size of the bad behavior. I think I’m usually direct and kind at the same time, but when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough.”

“I tend to sugar coat too much. Then get pissy when nothing changes and sometimes it’s because I wasn’t clear.”

Now I had a question. “Are you sugar-coating and think I was mean to Kai?”

“I was imagining being on the receiving end. I wouldn’t have liked it, but, no, I don’t think you were mean.”

“You’d have to fuck up a lot.” Sebastian’s opinion was important. “I’m direct with the good stuff too.”

“I know you are.” His blue eyes lit up with his smile. “I always know where I stand, how you feel.”

Not always. Not right now. “You read me bedtime stories when I’m sad.”

“And you ask me what I need when I’m anxious.”

“Quite the pair.”

“Yes, we are.”

We just looked at each other for a long time. “Your flight is at three.”

“Twelve, moved up to squeeze in a dinner tonight.”

I looked at the time on my phone, “You need to get to the airport.”

“Yeah.” He turned the camera where I could see his bags. “All packed. I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel for our date.”

Our phone sex date. I smiled and kissed my screen, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Definitely.”

I laid in bed for a few more minutes, just enjoying being happy, before I got up and got dressed to go for a run. Mom and dad were already downstairs having coffee. I walked around the table, kissing both of their cheeks, “I’m going for a run before everyone gets here.”

Mom nodded over her cup, “How late was everyone here last night?”

I shrugged, “I went to bed about ten. Long day in the sun and then old friends showing up. I was done. Kai showed up. That was less than fun.”

“You left your sister to manage all your friends?”

Notice how they failed to ask how I was after an unexpected visit from my ex-boyfriend. I know I did. I thought about the conversation with Sebastian and what he’d said about some people not deserving the benefit of the doubt. The other night was the first time I’d been so confrontational with my parents in a very long time. Like since I was sixteen right before I moved to Seattle. I took a deep breath and tried to pull in some of the calmness I’d had upstairs in bed. “Guys, we’re almost thirty, not thirteen. Hopefully, we’ve grown out of getting so drunk we knock over patio furniture and throw up in the pool. If not, they are Amy’s problem. They are her friends, not mine. She invited them over. I haven’t seen most of these people for over ten years. And are you telling me in addition to not talking too much about my boyfriend or anything else that makes me happy, I am also expected to babysit my sister?”

“Emma, you’re overreacting.”

Again, with the fucking overreacting. I’m not an overreactor. If anything, I’m an underreactor. I’m positive I’m not overeating here. I guess it’s nice to know it’s not they don’t like Sebastian and don’t want to talk about him. They don’t want to talk about Kai either and I know they liked him. I muttered, “Unbelievable”, as I headed for the front door.

I ran far longer than I'd planned.

It took a long time to calm my mind and get into the zone. What often happens once I let go of my thoughts and get into a rhythm is that the thoughts organize themselves. When I stopped or during cool down I could see things more clearly. What I saw when I slowed my pace to a walk wasn't pretty. It had been my choice to leave rehab when it was no longer good for me. It had been my choice to call Ed to get me away from here when it was no longer good for me. I don't remember my parents favoriting Amy before that summer. Twenty-three days that strengthened me and weakened Amy. Broke my family and gave me a new one.

Choices, even ones that are good for you, have consequences. A tangled web of choices and consequences have led to now. This isn't my home. My parents' focus, as it had been since I went to Seattle or before, was Amy. I didn't agree with how they sheltered her, but I hadn't been here. In their view I was strong, I was fine, and they didn't have to worry about me. I had another family to worry about me. When I thought about it like this, it made sense. I'd left because being here was a threat to me. Now me being here was a threat to Amy. The situation was fucked. We'd all done the best we could. We still were. If what I'd told Sebastian was true, I wouldn't change anything if it meant I didn't know Ed, Jill, Olivia, and Harper. I had to accept the negatives too. I don't know what that means for the future, but as Ed tells me I put up with things too long sometimes.

I arrived back at the house as everyone was finishing breakfast. I'd separated myself from family time by taking a run. Or maybe I'd taken a run because I was separate from my family. I poured a cup of coffee and joined them at the table, helping myself to the container of Greek yogurt and covering it with berries. Blueberries for Sebastian and raspberries for me. That made me smile.

After I showered Amy and I went to pick up my grandparents. Amy told me what happened after I'd gone to bed, including her and Max having sex on the big round double lounger. I told her... nothing. I didn’t tell her about my fights with our parents, I didn’t tell her about the conversation with Kai. I most certainly didn't tell her about my phone sex date later with Sebastian, the early morning just woke up FaceTime, or how he'd read me Winnie the Pooh until I fell asleep. I hated it. I hated how yesterday we were back to talking like sisters and today it was not. Again, my choice, but I knew she’d tell our parents, which under any other circumstance would be fine, but I could not take any more. I could, but I didn’t want to.

The back yard easily held the gathering of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Kids played in the pool while adults talked with glasses of sangria and bottles of beer. The last stragglers were finishing their drinks when Katie crawled into my lap. She wanted me to take her to bed and read her a story. When the book was done, she curled up next to me, looked up, and said, "I love you, Emma."

I kissed her nose, "I love you, too.”

I joined my parents and sister in the family room. Amy explained they hadn't known how long I'd be with Katie and had started a movie without me. I lied and said it was fine, I'd seen it. There couldn't have been much left when “Dancing Queen” started playing from my phone. I stood up, "That’s Sebastian. He's in Canada. I'm going to take it upstairs. See you in the morning."

Mom yelled after me, "We need to leave at nine-thirty."

"OK." I connected the call, "Hey, baby, how was your flight and dinner?"

"Bumpy."

"Which one?"

"Both." His laughter was a balm that smoothed away the roughness of the day. "How was the barbeque and why can't I see you?"

I shut the door behind me and switched the call to video. "I was waiting until I could get you alone."

Sebastian put his arms across his chest, "What kind of a boy do you think I am?"

"A very handsome one." The top three buttons of his white dress shirt were unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around his neck. "Damn, you look good."

"So do you."

I was in a plain peach t-shirt. He didn't care. To him, I looked good. I went back to his question, "It was fun. Caught up with lots of family. Watched kids in the pool. Mostly sat with my grandparents. Granny was happy to hold my hand and tell me I’m beautiful."

Sebastian's mouth dropped open in a gasp, "I like doing that too." He turned his head to the side looking over my face, "You don't look sad, but you don't look happy either. What's going on with you?"

I looked up for an answer, "I am accepting the reality of the situation. This isn't really home or really my family anymore. Their priority is Amy."

His face fell, "I’m sorry, baby. What can I do? What do you need?"

I smiled a real smile, "Nothing I don't already have." I could see he was struggling to believe me. "Since we were sixteen, they took care of Amy and Ed took care of me. I didn't realize exactly what that meant. Amy is doing better than she ever has. I always thought that when Amy was better." I stopped myself to figure out how I wanted to say this. "It took me coming home while things are good to realize it doesn't matter. Even if she is fine it's all a house of cards. I expected at some time things would be normal, but it won't be. I am changing my expectations."

"How do stop expecting your parents to support you?"

Good question. "You know why Jimmy and I broke up."

"He cheated."

"My parents do not. Amy didn't until Friday."

"Why not?" Sebastian's sadness for me was tinged with anger.

The list of things my parents didn’t know was long. "Just telling them we'd split. I felt like I might drown. The way they wanted to baby and take care of me felt like an anchor around my neck, like I was incapable of surviving a breakup. When I came here for Christmas, they had all these ideas for my life, but they never asked what I wanted. I knew if I told them he'd cheated it would be ten times worse. Does this make any sense?" It wasn't completely clear to me so how could it be to him.

Sebastian rubbed his fingers over his beard, pulling at the grey patch. "I hurt my knee once. They told me to take it easy for twenty-four hours, ice it, stay off it. Then I had exercises and had to move. Walking hurt like hell but it was the best thing if I wanted to heal. Your parents wanted you on bed rest when what you needed was PT. Support to get on your feet. Support should help, not cripple you."

"Exactly!" I smiled and ran my fingers over the video version of his face. "So not having their support isn’t new. I am working on accepting that's not going to change." I watched Sebastian bite his lip and let it slip free. "What's that about?"

"I feel lucky to know you. I'm so fucking proud of you. You don't get stuck in self-pity; you dig yourself out. It's the difference between seeing yourself as a victim or just someone who had something bad happen. They keep Amy stuck and Ed taught you resilience."

My heart stopped and I forgot how to breathe. Not in the good way. In the almost a panic attack way.

"I can do that with work, most things. Relationships." He scrunched up his face and rocked his head from side to side. "I'm learning."

"I'm not always good at it either." Sometimes I needed my ass kicked.

"That’s ok. I'll be here to help. You're still learning too."

I felt a slow smile form across my face and Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching me something tonight?"

I fought back the laugh at the way he squeezed his eyes shut and scrunched up his face. It took a good ten seconds for him to come back to me. I let go of the lip I was biting, "You ok there?"

"You cause me physical pain." He chuckled and smiled looking at me.

I don't think he minds all that much. "Where's it hurt, baby?" I dropped the tone and volume of my voice.

He made the face again and pointed his finger at me. "Turn off the camera."

My eyes went wide, "Why?"

"The first time I watch you get yourself off is going to be live."

"You have a lot of phone sex rules, Bastian." Still, I switched the phone to voice only. My screen went dark. I pouted. Not that he could see.

"Stop pouting and tell me what you're wearing."

I resisted the urge to tell him if he let me turn the damned camera back on, I'd show him. I didn't need to be taught how to do this. I was confident I could wing it just fine. What I didn’t know was if this was to be purely descriptive, giving each other instructions, or a role-play. It didn't matter. Any would be fun.

"I have on a peach t-shirt. It's not tight, but it fits against my body. Soft. My shorts are white. If you listen close, I bet you can hear me unzip them," I moved my phone lower to make sure he could. I left the phone by my hip, "I'm going to go ahead and take them off. My legs are smooth against my fingers."

"Take off your shirt too. Tell me about your bra and panties." His voice had taken on the timbre it gets when he's turned on.

"Nothing special. No one to see them. Simple white cotton. They do look nice against my tan."

"Next time we're together I’m licking those tan lines."

"Mmm, I'm looking forward to that. Tell me about you."

"Dressed from dinner. Black pants, long sleeve white shirt, black tie. You saw. Tie undone. A couple of buttons open and sleeves rolled up."

"Unbutton them all, but leave your shirt on. I like you undone. What’s going on with your pants?"

"They're tight. I’m not completely hard."

"Take them off. Rub yourself over your boxers. I love feeling you grow in my hand or my mouth. Your skin is so soft."

"Spread your legs. Touch yourself. Over your panties. I want them wet.” I heard a change in his breathing. Subtle. “I’m hard. Had to adjust my boxers. My cock's up toward my stomach where I can rub the underside. Feels good." He let out a little moan and I could easily imagine the little smile on his face.

"Take your cock out. I've got my hand over my pussy. Massaging myself. Warm. Panties are a little damp. I can tell I'm wet though. I can feel it."

"What's it like, Emma?"

"All the blood’s rushed between my legs. There's an ache, a throbbing, almost like I can feel my heart beating. An itch I need to scratch."

"My hand's around my cock. Slow strokes along the whole length. I flip my thumb over the tip every so often." His breath caught. "Hits the spot, you know the one, sends a jolt, like a shock through me. Feels even better when it's your tongue."

"Fuck. Your talking has me squirming. My hand is in my panties. My middle finger sliding from my clit to inside me. So slippery. How tight is your grip?"

"Tight. Not stroking my length anymore. Turned my hand around where my thumbs against the vein. Holding tight above the middle to the edge of the head. Feels good. Thinking about you touching your clit."

"Moving up and down, kind of slow. Tightening my muscles like you're inside me."

Words stopped, but it wasn't quiet.

Our breathing had synced up and there were these little catches, sighs, and soft moans.

"Faster and firmer now."

"Me too. I'm close."

I might not be able to see him, but I knew exactly what he looked like. His face, his body, were starting to tense.

"Feels good. Not as good as you touching me. Not even close."

"If I was there, I'd put my hand over yours. Feel how you like to be touched. So, I can match it. I'd kiss along your neck, taste you. My other hand, my fingers, barely touching your side, over your hip, across your thigh." The last word was interrupted.

" Em... fuck... yes..." Then a few seconds of silence followed by a long sigh.

"Where are you, baby?"

"Unhooked my bra. Nipples so tight."

"Perfect for me to suck on. I'd use my teeth. Run my hand up your inner thigh. Touching close. I can look down and see you touching yourself. God, how much I want to shove your hand away and taste you. Make you come."

"Oh fuck... Bastian." Everything tightened up then let go.

His voice was in my ear, "Turn your camera back on."

When I picked the phone up off my chest his face was already there. I hit the button and saw my face appear in the small rectangle. "Now you want to see me." I stretched with a contented sigh.

"I always want to see you after you come. The way your mouth is open and you lick your lips. Beautiful."

I rolled to my side, "What's an orgasm feel like for you?"

"Tonight. Mmm, for a while it just felt good. Like any touch, nothing special, except the where. Only more. Then it's like a switch. Goes from feels good to oh shit this is amazing. Starts where I’m touching and spreads down to my balls and lower stomach, base of my spine. It's like tightening a spring until it can't anymore and just let’s go."

"Is sex different? The orgasm."

"Oh yeah." His smile and eyes told me he drifted away a little. "I'll tell you all about it next time we have sex." Sebastian raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Similar. Like you said just feels good. More of a building for me though. Sometimes it's a slow steady increase. Other times like stair steps. I have to remind myself to relax or I clench my butt and thighs too much."

"I've noticed this. You start to rise off the bed and I have to hold you down." He was clearly enjoying the memory. "Does it change how it feels?"

I nodded, "Tightening up takes the focus away. Eventually, everything gets warm, tingly, and tightens up. Finally, it's like a wave breaking on the shore with muscle contractions."

"I feel those."

"I like the resistance of having something to hold onto." His eyes had questions. I had to search for a workable metaphor. "If you're sitting in a chair and lift your foot you can feel your thigh tighten, but if you're on a leg machine with weights you feel that muscle more."

Awareness hit him, "Really?" I nodded again. "I knew you liked, but I like knowing the why." He laughed, "I love these talks."

I joined in his laughter, "It is fun."

"Hang on a sec." He laid his phone next to him and I could hear him moving around.

"What are you doing?"

Sebastian picked his phone back up, "There was a mess to clean up."

It is so sexy that he told me this. The whole conversation is sexy. Lying in bed a thousand miles apart having a casual chat about a not at all casual topic is sexy as fuck.

"What did you use?" I was amused.

He looked at me with disbelief. Not sure if it was the question or that he was going to answer. "My underwear. They were nearby." He stood up and lifted the tie as he walked. "Can I get rid of this now?"

"Do I get to see your bare chest?"

"Do I get... ok well, there we go. Thank you."

I'd shifted my camera lower and flashed him naked breasts before he finished asking. I moved back to my face, "You're welcome."

He held his phone out where I could watch him free his arm and be shirtless. I made an appreciative noise and he asked, "Enjoying yourself?"

"I am." I hadn’t intended to lick my lips. "I'd like to lay by a pool with you. Or a beach."

"Easily arranged." He stretched out on the bed. "What haven't we done that you want to do?"

"In general, or sex."

He shrugged, "Sex is the topic. Tonight anyway."

"I want you to give me a full body massage that veers off track to a happy ending."

"That will be just as much fun for me." His face showed his interest. "I want you to tie me to the bed, blindfold me, and do whatever you want to me."

I sat up enough to take my bra off, giving him another peek "We're going to need a weekend locked in one of our bedrooms."

"My weekend is free. I think I have company coming Thursday."

"My departure time keeps creeping up to get to you sooner.”

He sang, "Oh what a lucky boy."

“Pretty soon I’ll get there before you, waiting on the floor outside your apartment.” I got hit with a memory, "We need to talk about your birthday. What do you want?"

"Well, that depends on how you feel about birthday sex? I like birthday sex. Not a deal-breaker, not my preference, but fun for a change."

He stretched out on the bed and stuck his phone to his leg. I could see chest up. I propped my head upon my hand and adjusted my phone. "I'm speaking from limited experience here." Sebastian tried very hard not to smile. He failed, but he tried. "You're such a man."

He stopped trying, "You're such a woman." His laughter was a wonderful sound.

"Less than good experience the first time because neither of us realized the amount of prep work required." He winced. I shrugged. "Next time I’d researched. I liked it, he didn't. He was too in his head, worried about being dirty. Then there's you. I knew what I was doing more in theory than practice."

"You should feel free to practice on me anytime you want." He cocked his head to the side. "You can come in and brush your teeth while I pee, but that's as far as I want to go there."

"Women have complete conversations while trading places in a bathroom."

"The group bathroom break cracks me up."

"We don't want to stop talking or want to talk about a cute guy in private."

"Mostly the last one." He wasn't wrong. "Oh..." he shook his head and pulled his eyebrows down, "not into period sex. But you've got an IUD. Do you even have a period?"

"Nope, happy side effect." Condoms eliminated the need for the birth control talk. "How do you know I have an IUD? Can you feel the strings?"

"My fingers are up there a lot."

I smirked, "You're dirty."

"About to be dirtier. Turn off your camera."


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but sweet

~*~Emma~*~

I was awakened a half hour before my alarm. Mallory texted to let me know the map with next year’s room assignments was posted on the school's Google classroom. I walked across the room to get my laptop and brought it back to bed. I wanted to see the whole map on one screen. First grade had been moved where fifth grade was. Made sense. We would be in a hall off the main one. It made the walk to lunch and specials less for the little legs, but then it was isolated enough for them not to be distracted by hall traffic. Mallory and I were swapping rooms. Perfect.

I checked work and personal email. Nothing pressing except one in my personal from an official looking email address. I had a feeling I knew what this was. Nice letterhead. Very polite email asking me to go to a link and sign the document at my earliest convenience. My Non-Disclosure Agreement. I skimmed through the first mumbo jumbo legal stuff defining the parties. The only specific studio mentioned was Disney, but it covered all projects. The mouse does not play. Gag rule on projects. I’m not allowed to reveal any info about projects or post pictures of anything project related. The personnel stuff was less specific, with the exception of no sexual/nudity pictures or explicit details. I couldn't sell or allow profit to be made from personal relationship information without the written approval of both parties. That rules out writing a book, giving interviews, and anything online that monetizes clicks. The NDA went both ways. Neither could sell the other out. The last paragraph was fines and term limits. Whatever. Sebastian had already signed it and I could almost feel his annoyance from the act. I signed, filled out the requested information, and hit "complete document."

I wonder if I should feel some way about signing? I don't. Well, a perverse thrill at being considered potentially dangerous to him. More to Disney. It's a bizarre relationship validation.

It started today. I double checked. Nothing about prior to date signed. Up until last night wasn’t included. Probably should have been. Not any more so than since we met, but it made me laugh. The intimacy of our conversations continues to intrigue me. I talk to him like I do Angie, Eli, and a few other close friends. It’s unique, but I have limited experience. That's not true. I've dated several men longer than Sebastian and I have known each other. We didn't talk like this. I didn't feel like this. The one-month mark is usually my timeline for deciding if there's something worth continuing. Sebastian is a hybrid. We talk as easily and as quickly as Angie and I did. Then there's the sex. Thinking about sex with him never fails to bring a smile to my face. Lover and friend. New, but none the less.

The FaceTime notification on my laptop startled me. I connected. "How did you know I was thinking about you?"

Sebastian's face lit up with a smile, "I didn’t, but I'm glad to hear you were thinking about me. I was afraid I'd wake you, but I needed to talk to you before nine."

I glanced at the time. Eight fifty. "Just under the wire. What's up?"

"Fuck, I want to vomit. Last week when I met with Emily, we had some conference calls. Like I'd told you, they got on me because you weren't under an NDA."

I interrupted to tell him it was done. "Sebas..."

He cut me off, “Please, let me get through this."

Umm, he's a little stubborn. I closed my mouth.

"I made them change a couple of things I wasn’t alright with. I've been procrastinating sending it to you. I can't believe how cavalier or willfully ignorant I've been before. No wonder I didn't want to be involved. It feels horrible. At least before it was both of us." He rolled his eyes and waved his hand from side to side, "Relationships, not the random hookups. This isn't you. It isn't us. Emily woke me up to tell me Disney was giving me until nine before they contacted you." He pinched his thumb and forefinger together. "I'm this close to fucking losing it. Insecure and scared to death you're going to read it and feel as slimy as I do and never talk to me again." He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. "That's the last thing I want. I can't..."

I interrupted him. Louder and more firmly this time. If I'd known he was going in this direction I would have pushed it the first time. I wasn't going to let him work himself up any more. "Sebastian!" My raised voice pulled his focus to me. "I signed and sent it back ten minutes ago."

His face went from sad to angry in a split second, "Ten minutes ago. When did they fucking send that to you?"

"Email says eight thirty-five."

"Mother fuckers! I didn't want you blindsided. Eight thirty-five isn't fucking nine o’clock."

He was spinning off in another direction now. His anger and protectiveness is a little hot. I thought I should stop this spiral too. I shrugged, "Apparently, mice can't tell time."

Sebastian looked at me like I'd lost my mind, his eyes darting around trying to make sense of my words. When he caught up, his laughter was the same intensity as his anger. "Mice can't tell time." He dropped his forehead to his arm.

I softened my voice and spoke quietly, "Bastian, I'm not going anywhere."

He didn't lift his head so his voice was muffled, "I don’t know if it’s what you said or the southern accent you've got right now, but I can't breathe." He looked up, "In a good way."

"Good. " I liked this face better. "What did you make them change?"

"There were restrictions on social media. I had to approve what you posted."

I lifted an eyebrow.

He smiled, "Not happening and not sure how you'd ever prove that one. They wanted to backdate it to when we met. I said no. We've been getting to know each other not reading the non-existent Falcon and to Winter Soldier script.” His sigh and half-smile made him seem very young. "I know it's not much, but it’s about trust. Your social media is yours and these last three and a half weeks are ours. I trust you with both."

"It’s a lot, Bastian. You did good. You protected us. It’s a lot."

The half-smile grew until it reached his eyes, "You're important."

"I can tell."

"Good." He shook his head the slightest bit. "Thursday cannot get here fast enough.” His bottom lip came out, “I have to go."

"I have to shower before mom yells at me."

"Can't have that. I'll talk to you later."

"Have a good day." I blew him a kiss.

I needed to translate a couple of words into Romanian. Three words.

Oh look, it's only two words in Romanian.


	61. Chapter 61

~*~Sebastian~*~

It had been a long day of uncomfortable conversations, meetings, interviews, lunch with strangers, and an early dinner with friends. I'd left my room at nine and it was after eight when I slid the key card in the door.

The smell hit me fast. Roses. I flipped on the light to locate the source. Sitting on the glass dining table was a vase of red and black roses. That's a little scary. Then I noticed something with black polka dots and a bow.

"No way." They couldn't be. I pulled them free and they were. Disney mouse ears. I started laughing. There was only one person these could be from. The card said, "From one Disney lover to another. Sunt al tău, copil. Xoxo, Emma."

Emma has sent me roses signed “I'm yours, baby.” Had I not already moved my Wednesday dinner to Sunday I would have been on my phone making up shit to get out of Canada a day earlier. On the back of the card was an explanation. Red roses for romance and desire. Black for new beginnings and change. I was thinking love and hate, but this better.

I put them on and sat at the table in front of my laptop. I was about to hang up and text her when she picked up, "I'm here. I’m here. I was in the bathroom changing." Her fingers touched the screen, "You like your ears?"

"I love my ears. And my flowers. It smells great in here. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I hope you got the sarcasm. We don’t love Disney, but are Disney lovers."

"I did." It kills me that she's turned an NDA into a joke between us. Mice can't tell time and roses with ears. Emma is simply the best. She was also slowly sliding sideways.

"Are you drunk?" I turned my head to the side following her tilt.

She rubbed her hand under her nose with her eyes closed. "A little drunk. My nose itches." She repeated the action.

"Did you have a fun spa day?" I held up my hand with crossed fingers.

"I did!" She listed a little more to the side and I smiled. "There was a lot of seaweed."

"Seaweed?"

"A lot of seaweed. It started with a salt scrub, which felt really good. Then I was wrapped in seaweed and left to marinade for a while."

"Marinade." I curled my lips in trying not to laugh. This was a different drunk. She was silly.

"Next was their signature "four-hand" massage. Two people."

"That sounds fun."

"You'd think, but it was weird and creepy. I felt like I was being prepared as a virgin sacrifice to a lesser known god or maybe a volcano."

"Except you're not a virgin."

She frowned and huffed out a disgusted breath, "You don't know that."

I laughed, "Yes, I kinda do."

"Fine. I was very uncomfortable and sent one away after maybe two minutes. The massage therapist said it happens and was important for me to be comfy. It was a very good massage. She left and an aesthetician came in for my..."

She paused and I filled in, "Seaweed facial?"

She touched her nose and pointed to the camera several times. So cute. "We had a very yummy spa lunch. I had an avocado and chicken salad sandwich with these super crunchy fresh potato chips. And champagne."

"I wondered when the drinking was coming."

"Lunch when the three of us were brought back together. See, I'd had such a lovely morning and they threatened my happy and now relaxed mood. I thought bubbles would keep away the negative juju."

"Juju." I kept repeating these strange words.

"We went into this room with pedicure chairs all wrapped in white fluffy robes. The whole thing repeated itself on my hands and feet. Salt scrub, hand and foot massage, seaweed wrap, and marinade."

"I bet there was more champagne too."

"There was! We had to choose mani-pedi colors. My colors are blush and bashful. I have chosen two shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other.”

The champagne had brought out her accent even more and she fired up the Steel Magnolias’ quote. "Are your toes pink?"

"They are. I'll show you." She pulled her foot up in front of her phone instead of, you know, moving her phone to her foot. I got a brief glimpse of her toes before she fell over and slid onto the floor. "Ow."

"You ok, sweetie?"

She sat up and leaned against the side of the bed, "I am fine. We got dressed and did some shopping. Then called dad to take Katie out so we could continue day drinking by the pool. It turned into evening drinking. Ironically, I will be spending the morning at a shelter with one of my rehab therapists with a champagne hangover."

"You can do a Ted Talk on making positive choices prior to conducting volunteer services."

"You're a funny boy. Funny, funny boy." She did the weirdly cute nose scratching thing again. "I know better than to drink this much champagne. It makes my nose itch. And it's a strange bubbly sort of drunk." She pointed a finger at me, "Let me tell you something, baby boy, my mom and twin juiced up on champagne kept the day smooth. We talked skincare while lying in the sun. The irony of which is not lost on me. Oh god! There it is. When champagne is exposed to sunlight it becomes sewage." She moved very close to the screen, "Your eyes are pretty. The blue changes with your mood and they're so expressive. I want...”

Emma stopped talking and just smiled.

"What do you want, baby?" This was either going to be very sweet or very dirty. I was up for either.

Emma moved back from the screen a little. She laid her head to the side with the slightest smile, "I want to lay in your arms and look in your eyes for hours, just to see what they say."

"I think that can be arranged."

She nodded then yawned, "I'm sleepy. Will you read to me again?"

"Absolutely." I made it through a paragraph before she was asleep.

I flipped my phone over and over in my hand, trying to decide if I should call. That I couldn't decide was the decision.

Celie picked up on the third ring, "Hi Sebastian."

"Hey Celie, I hope it’s not too late."

"Not at all. It's not even nine. What's going on?"

"I just spent twenty minutes reading Winnie the Pooh to my drunk girlfriend who's a thousand miles away with her dysfunctional family. She fell asleep in less than one."

"Why'd you keep reading?"

Even though she couldn't see, I shrugged, "I wanted to." I knew she wouldn't accept that answer. "I didn't want to break the connection."

"Because you felt connected or because you felt insecure?"

"Connected."

"Good for you, Sebastian."

"Yeah." I nodded. It was good. "This morning I was insecure. I had to ask Emma to sign an NDA."

"NDA's aren't new for you."

"It's usually her people and my people working it out and I sign by the sticky arrow. I had to be involved in this one and it was gross. Made it more personal." I huffed out a breath. "Probably should have been before. I know it should. Emma and I had already talked about it and she said she didn't have a problem signing paperwork for something she'd never do anyway. But when it came down to asking her to sign it, I was terrified. What it said about her. What it said about me. What it said about us. I didn't want to hurt her or have her feel like I didn't trust her. I do trust her. All the things I’ve learned, the things I'm doing, we're doing, I was terrified they'd be ruined by this stupid NDA. I told her all that and by the time we hung up I felt more connected and secure. I think facing it and talking about it made me feel closer."

"That's what real intimacy does. You can't have real intimacy without having difficult conversations and talking about emotions. Being vulnerable. Not shutting down. Not using sex to create a hormonal and false intimacy. Risking letting your partner see you. Being emotionally available."

"Yeah." That's what I thought.

"What was Emma's response."

"She told me she wasn't going anywhere and mice can't tell time."

Celie laughed, "Mice can't tell time?"

"Disney is the only studio on the NDA. They sent it half-hour early. I went from scared to furious in a heartbeat. They sent it early because Micky Mouse, mice, can't tell time. Later she sent me roses that came with those mouse ears on a headband."

"I like her."

"Me too. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I like this. All of it. How do I keep this?"

"Keep doing the hard stuff. Having the conversations you want to avoid. You're taking risks and getting the emotional payoff. You build on that. When you hit a bump, and you will, you go back and try again." She paused, "Sebastian, you are doing things differently. When you question, check yourself, because you know what you’ve done in the past. I encourage you to take the risk to do it differently. Use your resources. You are not alone. I am here to help. You have good friends who will tell you the truth. And most importantly, you have Emma."

I laughed, "Wow, you're good."

"You don't always make it easy, but right now you are." She laughed too. "It's nice to see your hard work coming together."

"Thank you."

"You could also Google “How to know if your boyfriend is emotionally unavailable" and do the opposite."

"You know I’m going to fall down a rabbit hole now."

"In your different mindset, you may make some connections you haven’t previously. Have a good night, Sebastian."

"You too, Celie."

I thought I was in for a sleepless night with the internet. I was wrong. I made it through three articles before I shut my laptop down. The first two started with a simplified explanation of why someone is emotionally unavailable. I was already familiar with the long version. Both had lists. Roughly the same lists. Lack of serious relationships, not making an effort, and not wanting to have real conversations has never been me. I want and do them all. Difficult to reach and defensive sounds familiar. Then there were the very familiar ones. Inconsistent affection. It’s about what and when it’s acceptable; not as simple as public and private. Sometimes it wasn’t ok in private either. Misunderstanding and being dismissive. The number of times I've said “that's ridiculous" is embarrassing. Usually, it wasn't. Inability to stay present during conflict or emotionally laden conversations. "That's ridiculous" also puts a stop to those. Wanting control of the relationship. Yep, who can know what. Thinking emotions are weak. Not weak as much as dangerous. Pulling away. Everything else was just another way of pulling away.

Two lists more than covered what I know I'm guilty of. However, the familiar things are things I did and said to myself much more than to anyone else. Except the pulling away. If you tell yourself your feelings are ridiculous, put limits on what’s acceptable, and check out of emotional conversations pulling away is what happens. All those create distance even if it’s you doing it to yourself.

It took a while to find the third one. I was looking for something hopeful. If it wasn't a list of traits it was tips to make him fall for you. Emma has managed to do that quite well without the manipulation on those lists. A few pages into my Google search I found how to tell he's changed. Some were things I'd learned already. The new things with Emma: lets you in on his past; wants to change; your opinion matters; protective; and his words match his actions.

I could do these things, what sticks out, is I'm not constantly running myself down for my feelings and when I give voice to things that lead up to those feelings she doesn’t either. Emma meets me where I am and shows me a way out. A way through.

I am almost there and what I struggle with she helps me. I think that's why we have relationships. We need other people. I'm never going to be perfect and will need support. When I think of my friends, they're not perfect. I'm there for them when they need me. The last couple of days I've been there for Emma. She didn't handle it all on her own. She called me and let me be there. Let me listen and emotionally support her.

I looked at the roses she'd sent me. The ridiculous polka dot mouse ears that match her bikini, except my ears have a red bow her bikini doesn’t. I climbed out of bed, put on a shirt, and took a picture. Me in ears with a wry smile and a caption saying, "Disney lovers." went up on Instagram.


	62. Chapter 62

~*~Emma~*~

I slapped at my phone until the alarm stopped. My head was exploding. Why did I think drinking champagne all day was a good idea? I guess it was better than being sober all day. Thankfully, there was Advil in my purse and a bottle of water on the nightstand. The alarm went off again. I grabbed my phone, silenced the alarm, and checked what I'd done. There were alarms set for every fifteen minutes. Must have hit snooze last time. At least I'd had the forethought to set my alarm early enough to pack. There was a little blinking light telling me I had a text.

Sebastian ~ Up early for a TV interview. Hope you're not feeling too bad. Enjoy your morning with the women.

Sebastian ~ If we miss each other have a safe flight.

Sebastian ~ Check Instagram

Uh oh. Wonder what he posted. I touched the notification saying he'd posted and laughed. The mouse ears were so him. He looked adorable. The mocking expression on his face and the caption was perfect. From the many, many comments his fans agreed. I liked the post but went back to text to comment.

Emma ~ Funny, funny boy. And cute.

Emma ~ Head bursting. My own fault.

Emma ~ xoxo

I showered, packed, got ready, and double-checked I had everything before dragging my bag downstairs. The house was quiet. I'd said my good-byes to Dad, Amy, and Katie last night. Mom came down as I was finishing my toast and fruit. She was dressed in scrubs and looked like her Advil hadn't kicked in yet. She went straight to the Keurig, "How's your head?"

I held up my coffee cup, "Caffeine and Advil have helped. You?"

"Why did we think that was a good idea?"

I laughed, "It was fun."

"You need to drink a lot of water before your flight."

"Will do." I grabbed us both a bottle of water out of the fridge.

In the car, mom called into work and did her typical morning meeting. I used to love going in to do rounds. Very Grey’s Anatomy. Not quite as fascinating as an adult. I used the time to post a couple of things on Instagram. Amy and I had mom take identical pictures yesterday and I posted them with dad’s bad joke about not being able to imagine what I'd look like with short hair. The first pick was me with long hair and if you swiped you got Amy with shorter hair. One more swipe gave you a picture of us both.

Chris Evans was the first comment, "You just gave Seb a heart attack."

I sent back, "Na, we had a FT date last night."

If Sebastian, Chris, and Chace were going to be commenting I needed to go through my followers and cull the people with which I didn't interact. By the look of follow requests, Amy must have given out my user name. Most were people from Saturday. That wasn't going to happen. Lauren was the only possible and I left her on the list. The others I declined. Even without the Three Musketeers, I wouldn’t have approved them.

The shelter had a real name, but if you knew where and what it was you referred to it as a home for lost girls. There was usually a wide range of ages, but they were all lost girls. Mom went to set up and I joined the other women in the common room. There was no time limit for staying and every time I came here it was a mix of old and new faces. Stacy, one of the therapists from my rehab facility, was now the director and she joined us ten minutes after I'd arrived. She called for everyone to gather and I joined in their morning group. So many women with so many stories just trying to make it through the nights. I was cautious with what I disclosed but easily gave feedback and comfort. When group was over mom started calling today's patients back. Others went off to start their day and I stayed with whoever was left. I spent a long time with a girl who couldn’t be much over eighteen. Her timid jumpiness told me she was new, her story fresh. I sat with her, Stacy, and two other residents until they convinced her to join them for some distraction.

Stacy studied my face, "You look happy. Things going well?"

There was always a check. She did groups when I was in rehab, so while I worked with her it wasn’t individual. I’m sure she knew more about me from treatment planning meetings than I’d shared with her. I had asked Trevor once what he shared and he said just the basics, but not details of my story. "Very. Work, good volleyball team, life in general." I felt the smile forming.

"That's a boyfriend face if I’ve ever seen one."

"He’s pretty great." I glanced to the hall making sure my mom wasn't there. "Helped me get through this long weekend."

"I guess that means I won't be seeing you more often. You're very soothing. I could put you to good use."

I cringed, "Don't let mom hear you say that."

The fun thing about talking to Stacy in this setting is I get to know about her life too. We caught up like old friends until mom was ready to go.

"There's enough time to get a coffee. You could tell me more about you and Sebastian."

Seriously? I've been here four days. We're on the way to the airport. This is the last possible moment she could ask about us, about him. I am doubtful of the sincerity of her curiosity.

"Mom, I appreciate the olive branch, but no, I don't want to have coffee and talk about Sebastian."

She didn't look at me.

I felt a little bad. "Is there something going on with Amy I don't know about?"

Her face read panic when she looked over, "Why would you ask that?"

"Because you and dad are so, I don’t know, protective. She hasn't used since she got pregnant. She's a good mom. Work is good. Saturday was fun. She and Max are a thing. Since Christmastime, we’ve talked and texted more. She seems in a good place. I don’t get why I’m supposed to pretend my life sucks. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No, she's doing well. Can you understand we want to keep it that way?"

"Of course, but is sheltering her like this necessary?" She started to say something and I held up my hand. "Let me finish. You're trying so hard to protect her you've hurt me. I’ve never felt less important than this visit. Completely discounted. Like you don't care about my life, my happiness."

"That's not true, but Amy..."

I interrupted, angry now, "No, mom. I tell you my feelings are hurt and I feel unimportant and instead of addressing me you say "but Amy." I don't brag about myself, but it seems like anything above my total failure is assumed to make her inferior. If that's true she needs a better therapist. Did you ever consider that your over-protectiveness tells her she's not capable? Just like when we were sixteen, what you see as best is the worst possible thing for me. You saw us as broken and damaged. When I didn't see myself that way you focused on Amy instead of putting aside your guilt and fear to figure out what I needed. I didn’t need pity or to be seen as half a person damaged by a tragedy. I needed to be seen as a strong whole person who had something bad happen. Twelve years later my experience is still less because I wasn't addicted to heroin. The rest was different but equally bad."

"I understand that, Emma. I'm proud of you. I don't know the reasons, why you soar and she struggles. Maybe part is on us. We were devasted and grieving. Amy's reaction made sense. Yours didn’t. You are not less important. Your happiness matters. You are stronger than Amy. It takes nothing from you to restrain what you talk about in front of her."

Right back where we started. "The only reason it doesn’t is that I won't let it."

The look on her face was relieved. Pleased. She misunderstood and I wasn't willing to clarify.

It does take something from me to diminish my happiness and hide my successes. It does take something away from me to have my parents not ask about me except for the last half hour of my visit or expect me to whisper in the corner. With the limited time I spend with my biological family, I could do as they ask. The problem isn't as much what they ask of me, as much as their complete unawareness or lack of concern about my feelings. As Eli, and probably Sebastian, would say, "they chose Amy."

I choose me.

The silence was uncomfortable, so I filled it talking about room switches at work and my ideas for changing my room’s theme. It's possible I was being childish by refusing to talk about Sebastian. I definitely felt like a child right now. A surly one.

At the airport, we hugged, exchanged I love yous, and she told me to tell Sebastian it was nice to meet him. I said I would. Might have been a lie.

In the baggage check line, I mulled over options. I wanted a friendly voice, but I wanted to leave this behind. Angie and I had texted several times a day as usual and she knew what was going on.

Emma ~ Heading toward security. Once I clear I could use a friendly voice.

Angie ~ You can keep me company while I fold laundry. Support or distraction?

Emma ~ Distraction

Angie ~ Oh good, I want to hear the story behind the mouse ears. He looked hot.

Emma ~ Will do!

There was plenty of time before my flight since I’d opted out of coffee with mom. I headed to the food court area. The first thing I saw was a Savannah Candy Kitchen and bought enough pralines to share at school tomorrow. We had to have our rooms packed by Friday if we wanted the custodial staff to move us. Luckily, I kept everything in my cabinets in totes and bins, so that was done. I enjoyed taking things down and starting over. I’d throw on some music, dance, and sing my way through the day.

One bite of praline and my stomach started screaming. I’d had toast and fruit for breakfast to work through the hangover. That was gone. I’d forgotten there was a Varsity in Terminal C. Mmmm. Cheeseburger, some home-made fries, and a super thick orange shake. I could walk to the one at UGA from my Freshman dorm. I found a table in a corner and took a picture to make people jealous with later before calling Angie.

“Mind if I eat while we talk?”

“We take our phones to the bathroom and keep on FaceTime.”

“Good point.” Not like we didn’t go to the bathroom together. Seemed silly to hang up. “Sebastian told me I could watch him pee the other night.”

She laughed, “How did this come up in conversation?”

“We were discussing birthday sex and it took a turn into limits. Watching him pee is as far as he’ll go.” We both laughed.

“Perfectly acceptable limit.”

“Definitely.” I shoved a fry in my mouth and moaned my approval. “He can feel the strings of my IUD.”

“Eli can’t.”

“Does Eli have short fingers?”

“Do you have a short vagina?” We laughed some more, both knowing we’d be checking out their fingers the next time we were together. “What’s the deal with the ears?”

“I signed an NDA yesterday. Sebastian felt bad about it. Disney was the only studio on the thing, so I sent him ears.” I shrugged and took a bite of my burger.

“That’s cute. Both of you. There’s something hot about Disney knowing he’s going to tell you secrets and making sure you can’t repeat them.”

I talked around a mouthful of hamburger, “I thought the same thing!”

We talked about nothing and everything until my flight was called. Sometime in there, Eli came home and we were on speakerphone for a while. They had a gig this weekend and I’d be in town. Sebastian and I hadn’t talked about plans yet. I’d think about plans after I had my hands on him. Literally. About an hour after.

Once we were high enough, I switched my phone on and connected to the plane's WiFi. I’d missed a text while I was talking to Eli and Angie.

Sebastian ~ Woo hoo, where are you?

Emma ~ 30,000 feet above Georgia.

Emma ~ I was talking to Angie and Eli and missed you. ☹

Sebastian ~ No sad face. I’m here. I miss you too.

Emma ~ Hi . . . what are you doing?

Sebastian ~ Finished with a lunch. Meeting/sightseeing trip soon. Pretty sure that means going to a bar.

Emma ~ Or strip club. Look, don’t touch.

Sebastian ~ Promise. Don’t think that’s the plan. What are you doing tonight?

Emma ~ Not a damn thing. Sitting in the quiet of my house.

Sebastian ~ Sounds peaceful. I’m afraid to ask how today went.

Emma ~ Shelter was great. Drive to airport not so much. Nothing worth whining about. I feel like I’ve done enough of that lately.

Sebastian ~ Not whining. I know you got this, but I liked being leaned on.

Emma ~ I liked you being there. Thank you again.

Sebastian ~ You’re welcome. Work tomorrow?

Emma ~ Yep, have to everything boxed up by Friday. Mallory and I are just switching rooms. I’ll be hosting lunches next year. Closer to the cafeteria. Closer to parking. Same view just the other side of the building.

Sebastian ~ Makes it easy. I’ll call you tomorrow. Not such a jam-packed day.

Emma ~ No worries. I see you in two days.

Sebastian ~ Going to kiss you so hard you’ll push me away.

Emma ~ Wouldn’t count on that, baby cakes.

Sebastian ~ Baby cakes . . . lol

Emma ~ Maybe one day I’ll pick one.

Sebastian ~ I enjoy the variety.

Emma ~ Very mood dependent

Sebastian ~ So asshole would be angry?

Emma ~ I’m far more creative than asshole.

Sebastian ~ I don’t doubt that. For now, Mr. Baby Cakes will do.

Emma ~ And you may address me as Princess Emeliana of Seattle. Dare you to scream that when you come.

Sebastian ~ Now I have to at least try. I’ll practice later.

Emma ~ Tease.

Sebastian ~ Only in the best way. I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Sebastian ~ I miss you, Em

Emma ~ Miss you too, Bastian

I went back to Sebastian's Instagram account and did a quick scroll through the comments on his latest post. Even though I wasn't mentioned it was the first sign of me on his IG and I was curious. The closest anyone got was a question if they were his ears because they were Minnie ears. That was irrelevant. I picked them because they matched my bikini and he would notice. I didn't go back to the picture from brunch, but it did get me thinking. I had no strong feelings one way or another about being photographed with him. I’ve never been into the whole Instagram official or Facebook relationship thing. Don't even have Facebook. Even for a non-celebrity, I think social media is more about perception than truth. I am guilty of that too. Hell, even this weekend. I was not immune to liking the attention from friends when I posted something. The DM's after Chris' comment had been fun as shit. There was the group picture from the tournament, but if you didn’t know it was Sebastian wrapped around me, you'd never recognize Sebastian. Ok, a fan would.

Sebastian had said we'd talk about fans later. He’d mentioned they weren't always nice to his friends or girlfriends. I went looking and it didn't take long to find a blog that chronicled his dating history. I was both intrigued and frightened. I understand the public figure piece and fan culture. But being able to see all this about my boyfriend felt like I was looking through his phone gallery and text messages. Alternately, if everyone else knew why shouldn’t I? My solution was to avoid information on Sebastian's relationships as much as I could and stick to fan reactions. It wasn't really hard to do. Pretty quickly I realized Twitter was a hot mess. The ease with which people hit reply and said things I hoped they'd never say face to face was like a shark feeding frenzy. Comment sections on Instagram weren't quite as bad. It lacked the voraciousness. Something about the way comments were nested with replies instead of a never-ending thread seemed less frantic. I now understood what Sebastian had said about the fans tearing each other apart. So often what should have been a disagreement turned into personal attacks. That shit was awful. Comments about friends and girlfriends were the typical fan bullshit. Friends were using him, exploiting the relationship, sharing pictures he didn't want them to, and bragging. Girlfriends weren't good enough, not pretty enough, also using him, and baiting fans. Several of the comments were fake nice. I'm sure some of that was trying to get on the friend, girlfriend, or his good side. Still, the bulk was positive. The negative minority was vocal and vicious.

One of the more interesting offshoots were Sebastian's reactions. They were stretched over years and more toward the whole situation. There were comments he made about it being out of line, hurtful to him, and few where'd he'd lost it and basically told someone to back off. I enjoyed the video clips with him talking about the toxicity and his position that he (and everyone else) needed to live their lives to make themselves happy. The biggest criticism of him was him not making them stop or coming to the defense of his girlfriends. Not sure how he'd make anyone stop. I was sure his lack of publicly defending wasn't indicative of anything except a refusal to engage. He would have taken shit if he had. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It was clear from our limited conversations on the topic, that he was unhappy with the idea of me being attacked. I wonder if the previous girlfriends were as upset by his assumed indifference as the fans were?

I caught the odd detail or a comment he'd made on an ex’s post. I kept scrolling. It was none of my business. Plus, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about seeing them. I felt a twitch of jealousy with what I had seen, but it was tempered with my belief that exes were exes for a reason. I think knowing too many details of those who came before could lead to comparisons and uncomfortable conversations. Wasn’t super excited to tell him about this, but I would.

As soon as we were given clearance to use our phones, I made a call, knowing it would go to voice mail. "Hey Trevor, it's Emma. Do you have some time for me? Nothing critical. I just got back from Georgia and wanted to talk. Talk to you soon."

I was almost home when Trevor called back, "I always have time for you, Emma."

I laughed, "Only because you like being able to say you've worked with someone for twelve years."

"Sort of. I'm invested. I like keeping up with you. Meet you at the office about five?"

It was almost four, "Perfect. Thank you, Trevor." That gave me time to unpack, start a load of laundry, and make a grocery list.

The office where Trevor and I met wasn't his. One of his friends had a private practice and we'd met there since I moved to Beacon. Before that, it was video sessions. It was after hours, so Trevor met me at the door and locked it behind me. We hugged briefly and I said, "Thank you for seeing me."

Trevor shook his head, "I'm glad you called." He held out his hand, directing me to the office.

"I hope I didn't screw up a parent's night out. I'll send Kristy a gift certificate to a spa. One with childcare. The baby is six months now?"

"Sara is five months. Want to see a picture?"

"Of course." I scoffed. He unlocked his phone and showed me. "She's beautiful, Trevor. I'm so happy for you. You guys will be great parents."

He smiled, "And how are yours?"

I shrugged with a grimace, "Same as always."

I spent the next who knows how long telling him the events and conversations of the last four days. We'd worked together long enough he knew my nonverbals and I knew to add in the words for my emotions. It saved a lot of time with him going back and making me “name my feelings”. When I finished with the car ride today, I took a deep breath and huffed it out.

Trevor said, "Wow."

I laughed. "I know. It was a lot."

"No." He shook his head, "I mean wow, you said all that to your mom. You should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you. That couldn't have been easy."

"I'd already talked to Ed and Sebastian about everything before, so my thoughts were sorted. I don't feel bad about anything I said, but I'm not sure I'm right." This is why I’d called Trevor. I needed the objective voice of reason. "Am I wrong?"

"Your experience isn't right or wrong."

I just glared at him.

Trevor leaned forward, "You're not wrong. What happened this weekend isn't ok. It's not ok to ask you to hide your happiness. It’s not ok for them to not ask you about your life. It's not ok when you say your feelings are hurt and you feel unimportant for your mother, or anyone else, to tell you how you are wrong."

I wiped my eyes. I felt relief with the validation "Thank you."

He reached over and put a hand on my arm. "You know this, Emma."

"I do." I nodded. "It was just a lot and I needed someone objective." I laughed, "Although Ed told me I've made choices and there are consequences."

Trevor laughed, "He's not wrong, but I think he agrees with most of your choices. He'll tell you if he doesn’t."

"Definitely."

Trevor leaned back and tented his fingers, "Why now? None of this is new. You've gone along with being careful with what you tell Amy. You already limit time with your family because of all these same things. Why say _enough_ now?"

I didn't even have to think. "Sebastian." I started to smile. Trevor started to smile "I’ve meet this man I'm excited about. I want to tell my family, my parents and sister, about him. We set up a video call so they could meet him. Mom was rude. Then they wanted to know nothing more until I was packed and in the car. Tempering my excitement about work and friends is one thing. Sebastian is another thing completely."

"What would you have told them?"

"What would I tell them or what would I tell you?"

Trevor thought about his answer. "Me."

I preferred that answer. I don't know what I would have told them. The answer was very different now than when I was on the plane to Georgia. "Sebastian is a good man. He is good to me... good for me. I love how we talk. I love how he owns his shit. I love how he supports me." It took me a minute to figure out the next bit because I knew Trevor would ask. "I think we crashed into each other and just went for it. But not sharing secrets all at once then regretting having said too much. As we talk and are part of each other’s lives stuff is coming out naturally."

"As you trust more you reveal more. Both of you." Trevor summed that up nicely and I nodded in agreement. "What have you told him?"

"Enough. A lot. Not everything. He doesn't know how I met Ed. He doesn't know all the reasons we went to rehab. There's a chunk of time he doesn't know about." I smiled.

"You gonna tell him?"

I was surprised by how the question hit me. "I never told Jimmy."

Trevor made a face and tilted his head back and forth. "It was fresher. You were both awfully young. You're much more accepting of what you did than you were then." He squinted his eyes and studied me, "You're uncomfortable."

It was a statement, not a question. "I feel ashamed of myself." I chewed on my lip. "We've talked about how relationships are about being brave enough to be vulnerable with another person. We've done both and we've talked about it what that’s been like." I rubbed my finger over where I'd bit too hard. "I'm not brave enough to be that vulnerable."

"Oh, I think you are. You're scared, but you are brave enough. The night we met I was in awe of your bravery. That opinion hasn't changed. I'm not saying you should leave here and tell him everything. But since you feel ashamed you might want to think about talking to him before that shame gets in the way. What are you afraid of?"

"Sebastian will be upset. He has a big heart. He'll be anxious if I'm ok. He’ll think too much."

"Sure. When we learn someone we love has been through something traumatic it's normal to be upset and concerned about them. It’s a good thing.” He paused, looked at me, and spoke again, “What are you afraid of, Emma?"

I was angry at Trevor for not the first time. He makes me look at things I don't want to. I know it’s his job, I count on him to do it, but it pisses me off. "If he knows what I did... the things I had to learn to accept... the things I still struggle with... I like the way he looks at me like I’m good and precious. I'm afraid he'll see me differently." Took no time for the tears to fall.

Trevor said nothing for what felt like an hour, letting me sit in the emotion. When he spoke it was his quiet soothing voice. I used to get mad at his comforting tone too, like I didn’t deserve it, but I know better now. "Seeing you differently doesn't have to be negative. You've not told enough people to be confident it that. Who have you told?"

Trevor knew the answer. He wanted to remind me I knew it too. "Angie and Eli know most everything. Ed knows it all. And you."

"Did any of us react negatively?" I shook my head no. "They were upset. They empathized with you. But it didn't change how they loved you. It made them love you more. Your fear isn't in line with reality. There's no reason. . ." He stopped and took a breath. "Do you love him, Emma?"

"Yes."

"Have you told him?"

"No, I haven't seen him yet."

"Has he told you he loves you?"

"No."

"Does he?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Completely."

"So if everyone you’ve told loved you more there is no reason to think Sebastian would be any different.”

We sat quietly until my tears gave way to a loud cathartic laugh. "You are good."

"Thanks." He blew on his nails and shined them on his shirt.

"How did you do that? Seriously, how?"

Sometimes he'd tell me how he did his therapy magic. Luckily, today was one of those days. "There was something not fitting. Sebastian wasn’t fitting with the others for you. You didn't look at me when I said they'd loved you more. I went on a hunch. You'd not said you loved him. So, I walked you through that so he fit where you could see him as love plus story equals more love."

"Fascinating"

"I know you’re not ready to go public with your story, but I hope someday you will. You could make such a difference in so many lives. I know you channel that into teaching, but if you ever change your mind your story and successes will matter. Just keep it in mind."

"I will." We were winding down. "Do you want to see Sebastian?"

"Yes."

"He's not as cute as your Sara, but he'll do for me." I handed him my phone.

Trevor looked at my phone, then me, then the phone again. "Holy shit, Emma."

"You know him?"

"I am huge Marvel comic nerd. There's stuff in my office. You didn’t notice?"

"I’m not a Marvel nerd. Well, now, sort of."

He laughed, "I got to do family therapy with the lead singer of Pearl Jam. Now I'll get to do couples therapy with the Winter Soldier."

I stretched out my leg and kicked him in the shin, "We do not need couples therapy. We each have our own therapist."

We laughed for a nice long while before Trevor tied everything up. "I'm glad you called to get the validation you needed and to at least look at adding someone to the list of who can support you. I was with you when you told Ed. If you need me to be there if you decide to tell Sebastian I will be. You are correct in thinking the men you love most will struggle most."

I nodded, "I'll think about it. Thank you."

"Thank you for the most successful and challenging session I've had in weeks."

“Glad I could amuse you.”


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm posting slower than usual. I'm writing slower than usual. Like everyone, my motivation and concentration suck right now. I have several chapters done, but I like to keep ahead so I can check continuity. There won't be a stoppage, just a little slow.

~*~Sebastian~*~

Sightseeing was not code for strip club. I have nothing against strip clubs. Having a new girlfriend and going to a strip club is a hard pass. We did go to a bar. I drank, but not enough to get drunk. I didn’t want to be hungover on a plane tomorrow. I also did not want to be dehydrated or tired. None fit with my plans.

I was up at the ass crack of dawn to make my flight. Part of the time was spent with the hotel's florist getting instructions and supplies to get my roses home with me. Sweet talking the flight attendant got them and my carry on an overhead bin of their own. I flew into the small airport near Beacon. The pain in the ass layover was more than made up for by the ease of customs and baggage claim.

My mom picked me up. The half-hour drive was filled with conversation, but it still felt like it took forever. Since I knew the key code to her CRV I threw my shit in the back and pulled the roses out of their travel box. I wrapped them in the white paper the florist gave me, stuck one side of the headband ears into my back pocket, and headed into the school. The office staff must have thought I was a delivery man because they buzzed me right in. One woman sat at the counter and another at a desk set back several feet. The one at the counter smiled, "Can I help you?"

I leaned onto one elbow, my flowers in the other arm. "I hope so. I'm here to see Emma Marcum." I whispered, "She doesn't know I’m coming." I returned to my normal voice. "Any way, you can direct me to her or take me without telling her?"

Desk lady spoke up, "Are you the boyfriend who sends flowers and cookies?"

Counter lady added, "Those were good cookies."

I smiled, "Oh good. I was hoping." I looked at the desk lady, "She liked the flowers?"

"You did good. They just got back from lunch. Emma went to her room." She pointed down the office hall. "Go out the door, turn left, and keep walking. She's the last room on the right. Her name's above the door."

I gave them my best smile. It was real. "Thank you." I headed down the hallway. "I'll send more cookies for just you two."

It had been a long time since I was in an elementary school. There was no work on the walls, but the backgrounds were still there. I looked in the rooms as I walked. Lots of little chairs on tables, carpeted areas, and bookshelves. I was excited to see Emma's room. A little nervous to see Emma. I hoped she liked surprises.

Right outside her room, I could hear music. I shoved the polka dot ears on my head and quietly walked just far enough in to find Emma. She had on black shorts, a Pearl Jam tour shirt, and her hair was hanging long down her back. I couldn’t wait to get my fingers there. Everywhere. “Cake by the Ocean" was playing and Emma was dancing and singing as she pulled laminated words off the wall. I crept a little closer, "You know this song is about sex on the beach, right?"

Emma spun around and her surprised smile lit up my world. It felt like I'd been hit in the chest with Thor's hammer. She held a hand, palm up, toward me, "And here you are."

"Were you trying to manifest a provider?" I’d be more than happy to provide any and all sex she needed.

"You're a lot more than that."

We closed the distance and I put the flowers on the nearest flat surface to get both hands on her. I don't know if it was the touch of her lips, her hand on my waist, or the one on the back of my neck, but I took another shot to the middle of my chest. When her hand moved up to my chest I covered it with mine. "You're beautiful." I smiled, shaking my head. "Fuck... I love you."

I hadn't expected that to happen.

Emma bit her lip, "Te iubesc, Sebasti-an."

To say we kissed would be an understatement. We melted into each other, a slow-motion wrapping around and holding on. Emma sighed against my mouth as our tongues touched. I pulled her in as close as possible, enjoying the feel of her in my arms, and her fingers back in my hair. I missed her touch. When we parted she ran her fingers over my beard and looked at me like I was the only person on earth.

Emma's eyes shifted to the flowers on the table, "Did you plan this?"

I blew a raspberry, "You know better. Those are the ones you sent. If I'd planned this it would have taken three days and you would have had to rescue me." She laughed with me. "But you did. When did you learn te iubesc?"

"After we hung up the morning I signed the NDA. Because I fell asleep on the plane to Atlanta before I could look it up."

I went to kiss her, stopping a breath away to say it again. "I love you, Emma."

"I love you, too."

While we kissed I heard a commotion behind us, like a group of fans coming down a hall. Then a chorus of "Ooops", "Oh shit.", and a lone "Fuck."

I back away from her mouth, "I don't think we're alone."

Emma smiled and turned her head to see them, "Longer than I expected."

A pretty blond at the front shrugged, "I tried to hold them back."

A redhead shoved her shoulder, "While leading the pack."

Emma unwrapped from around me and took my hand, "Come say hello."

The redhead gasped, "Fuck me."

I chuckled, "Elementary teachers cuss a lot more than I expected."

The four women spread out as they came closer. Emma started at the end with blonde, pointing with her free hand. "This is Mallory, Nia, Dawn, and Cindy." I shook their hands ending with the redhead, "Lunch crew, this is Sebastian."

Lunch crew tapped into a memory. I looked at Emma, "You sent me a picture of them with the cookies." She nodded. "Nice to meet you all. Glad you liked the cookies." I squeezed Emma’s hand. "Remind me to send some to the office ladies for letting me sneak back here.”

"You didn't know he was coming?" Nia looked from Emma to me.

Emma shook her head, moving a step closer and putting her free hand on my forearm. "He was supposed to be back tomorrow and I was going to him."

Looking at Emma I said, "I had Emily move tonight’s dinner to Sunday. That's why I left earlier." I looked at her friends and shrugged, "I wanted to surprise her." I let go of her hand to put my arm around her. I pulled her in and kissed her head. Not that I wasn't happy to meet her friends, but I'd just unexpectedly told her I loved her, and I was not done with the kissing. "How was lunch?"

They started telling me and talking to each other. Lunch with them would be full of laughter.

Dawn asked Emma, "You still playing tonight?"

I answered for her, "Part of why I came back early." I pointed at myself, "Head cheerleader and beer bitch." They laughed. “We do need to go shopping. All I have are work clothes. Is there a Target nearby?”

Emma nodded, “We can do that.” She looked around, “Where’s your suitcase? And how did you get here?”

“Threw my stuff in your CRV. I had my mother pick me up at the airport.” I rolled my eyes and looked at Cindy because she was the most star-struck, “Extra glamorous.”

Cindy smiled, “Life of an actor.”

Mallory reached out and touched Emma’s arm, “We’ve interrupted your reunion long enough. Pretty sure we won’t be the last.” She looked at me, “Word of a boyfriend in the building travels fast.”

“The nice office ladies outed me?”

Everyone nodded and headed out the door. Mallory was last and pulled the door closed behind her, “See you later tonight.” She gave Emma a thumbs up. No idea what that’s about.

I yelled, “Thank you,” as the door closed. I sighed, “She’s my favorite person.” I folded my arm in, bringing Emma against my chest, “Besides you.”

I laid my cheek on her head and savored the feel and smell of her. It had been a long since I’d been in love. Feels really good. It’s felt really good for weeks. Now it feels extra good. Like I want to explode good. Or pull her in to take up as little space as possible.

Emma’s hands let go of my back and I let her go. Her hands went to my face and she pulled me in for a kiss. A very long, slow, and deep kiss. I felt that kiss all over my body and everywhere inside. When she backed away I licked the taste of her from my lips. All I could do was stare at her. All I wanted to was look at her and say I love you over and over. Well, not all I want to do.

“You have a decision to make.”

“I do?”

She nodded, “I have to have the room packed before Friday. Do we stay and get part of it done now or power through tomorrow?”

“I’m a procrastinator. Option two. How far away is shopping?”

“Ten minutes. I like to get things done then relax.”

“Are you saying you want to stay here?”

Laughter filled the space between us, “Oh hell, no. Shop, go home for a couple of hours, then go play volleyball.”

“Sounds kinda boring. What are we going to do at home for a couple of hours?”

“Your laundry. Wash your new clothes before the game.”

“Have you met us?” She looked at me strangely. “We don’t have a good record of doing things, like laundry, when we see each other again.” I’m sure she understood what I meant. Our clothes don’t stay on long enough to do anything besides each other. That won’t be changing today.

Emma folded her arms around my neck, “Wouldn’t want to break our streak.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. I have tan lines to lick.” I pressed my lips into a tight line and shook my head. She kissed me again and I slid my hands down to her ass. I mumbled against her mouth, “The sooner we leave the sooner we get home.”

The speed with which she leaped away was alarming. “Let’s go.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. “Shit, I need my purse.”

“Flowers. A lot of trouble to get them here. They need water. Do you have a vase?”

“I do.” She opened a cabinet under the kid-sized sink and water fountain.

“Get a lot of flowers at work?” I hoped she could hear the humor in my question.

“Yep.” She pointed out the window. “First and fifth have a flower garden.”

While she filled the vase, I unwrapped the flowers. I showed her the little plastic thing filled with water attached to the bottom of each stem. “These had to be empty going through security. So I was in the men’s room pulling off the little rubber top, filling it with water, putting the little rubber top back on, then shoving the stem through the little opening.” I pulled one off while I talked and demonstrated shoving it back on.

She smiled, her tongue between her teeth, “Did you wear the ears on the plane too?”

“Oh shit!” I started laughing and patted the top of my head. “I forgot I put these on.” I pulled them off and looked at them. “Shit.” I opened my eyes wide then rubbed my hand across my face before letting out a groan. “I told you I loved you for the first time while wearing Minnie Mouse ears. Met your friends. And made out a little bit.” I closed my eyes, “This is so typically me.”

“Good thing I love typically you.” She stretched up and barely brushed her lips against mine. Then she yelled, “Mallory.”

The door opened, “Yep.”

I looked between them and started laughing, “How’d you know she was there? You’ve been guarding the door?”

“I got your back.” Mallory walked into the room, “What’s up?”

Emma picked her phone up off the desk, holding it out to Mallory, “Picture, please.” She took the ears from my hand and put them back on my head.

I started to protest, but quickly realized I wanted a picture of this moment too. I moved in behind her, wrapping my arm across her chest. Emma grabbed my arm and turned to smile at me before we looked at Mallory. She took the picture and walked to us to give Emma back her phone. She looked at me with a smile, “It’s ridiculous how cute you are.”

Emma hugged her, “Pick you up about five.”

We finished putting the roses in the vase, and since we were going shopping first, decided to leave them at school overnight. We’d take them home tomorrow. She gathered her purse and we headed out the door by her room, walking across the grass to the parking behind the other side of the building. It was like a U, with Emma’s room at one end.

Emma pointed to the other end of the U, “That’s Mallory’s room, where I’m moving.”

“Really is the same view from the other side.”

When we got close to the car she looked over, “You wanna drive.”

“Nope. I wanna look at you.” I opened her door and kissed her before closing it. I spoke while I buckled my seat belt, “You know I have to wear these ears to the game now.”

“Why?”

“So it looks like I meant to have them on.”

Emma backed out of her parking place and paused before putting the CRV in drive, “Are you really embarrassed?”

“Not at all.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Can I get your phone to look at the picture Mallory took?” She handed me her purse and I pulled her phone out of the side pocket. Mallory had been taking pictures the entire time she had Emma’s phone. The last one, with us looking at the camera was good, but a few pictures back was one when Emma turned to look at me. We both had the slightest smile like we had a secret no one else knew. Except anyone who saw the picture would know. The way we were looking at each was obvious. Mallory had caught a moment.

The ears made it perfect.

Target wasn’t far and I waited until we’d parked to show her the picture. “Check this out.”

Emma looked, her face instantly softening to a slight smile, “She’s my second favorite person today too.” She kissed me then her focus shifted up, “You going to wear them into Target?”

“Shit, I forgot they were there again.”

Target wasn’t my go-to clothier, but for some shorts, t-shirts, a pair of swim trunks, and some flip flops we were good. I tossed things into a cart. “Mom wants us to come over. Lay by the pool and have a barbeque.” I looked at her, “By the way, you are much more tan and much more blonde than last time I saw you.”

“Thank you?”

“Definitely.” I raised my eyebrows and smirked, nodding my head. “Tan lines.”

“I want to take something to your mom’s. Food for the barbeque.”

“Potato salad.” I started salivating at the thought. That was delicious.

“That’s what you want. What would your mom like?”

I pulled my shoulders up and spoke in a high voice, “Something lemon?”

“Lemon cupcakes or a lemon berry cake?”

My eyes lit up, “Cupcakes. Much more barbeque than a cake cake. Plus they’re fun.” She nodded and we headed toward the food aisles. “You’re gonna make me some potato salad too, right?”


	64. Chapter 64

~*~Emma~*~

Lunch with the girls had been fun. The talk and laughter were a nice decompression from the last couple of days. They were all coming to the game tonight. Tomorrow I'd finish packing up my room and by dinnertime tomorrow I'd be with Sebastian.

Back in my room I turned on some music and started pulling words off the wall. My heart positively leaped when I heard Sebastian's voice behind me. Over twenty-four hours had shrunk to seconds. When I turned to see my gorgeous boyfriend wearing the polka dot mouse ears and holding the flowers I sent him, I wanted to fling myself at him, cover him in kisses, and tell him I was in love with him.

But Sebastian beat me to it. When I touched him, his expression changed from happy to surprise to something more. He told me I was beautiful then said, "Fuck... I love you." I don't think he'd expected to say it, maybe he didn't know he felt it until right then.

Either way, it was the most genuine and romantic thing I'd ever heard. I'd practiced the words until I knew they were perfect. The way he looked at me when I said them with his name the way he liked best, I would never forget. He could say the words a thousand times and they'd never come close to the intensity in his eyes.

Thirty minutes later sitting in a Target parking lot Sebastian showed me a picture Mallory took. Somehow, she'd caught that same look on both our faces.

Not that I'd forget the story behind the picture but the addition of those silly ears that he forgot he was wearing, marked the moment. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Driving home he was awfully interested in his phone. I could see Spotify open. "What are you doing?"

Sebastian looked over like a kid with his hand caught in a cookie jar. "Refining a playlist. To seduce you."

"Seduce me? That sounds fun." It wouldn't take much to seduce me, but I was excited to see where he was going. I watched him turn off his display and put his phone in the console between us. "Done?"

He nodded with raised eyebrows and a smile, "It's short. I’m not anticipating much resistance."

I reached over for his hand, "Smart man."

He kissed my hand then held it between his. "You're beautiful." One of his hands moved my hair away from my face. "About the blonder and tanner."

"I tan easy."

"Then why'd you'd have me cover you in sunscreen at the tournament?”

I laughed, "I'd like to say just to get your hands on me, but for real, a farmer's tan is not the look I want."

"Good point." I could feel his eyes on me and he was playing with my fingers.

"What's the real color of your hair?" I nearly got whiplash with how quickly he reversed, "If it wasn't this very natural-looking color." He grimaced and kissed my hand again.

"This is my natural color. I don’t have blonde highlights. I have brown low lights. Sun and chlorine strip out the brown."

"Really?" He made a humming noise, "I've been blonde twice. Hated it both times."

"I don't hate it, but the brown gives it more depth. I leave it alone in the summer because I like pools."

We were at the stoplight turning onto my road. Sebastian leaned in. I turned my head and kissed him. He stayed close, "Do I need to lengthen my playlist?"

Was he crazy? Since he was still close, I rubbed my nose against his. Somewhere in his past was an over sensitive girlfriend. "Nope."

I grabbed the Target bags and Sebastian grabbed his luggage. We were barely inside the door before he had me pressed to the wall kissing me. He left the kiss, but kept me pinned, "Good memories of this wall." I felt my cheeks heat up. "So fucking cute." He kissed me again. "I need five minutes. Stay here. I'll come get you." He took the stairs two at a time.

I leaned into the stairwell, looking up. "Where are your dirty clothes?"

"Laundry bag in the suitcase. Thank you."

I laid his suitcase on the floor and opened it. I dumped the two hotel laundry bags on the counter in the laundry room. Socks, underwear, and a lone t-shirt joined his new stuff in the washer. I smiled. This was very domestic. I liked this feeling, taking care of him. My phone going off pulled me out of my domestic bliss.

Mallory ~ Skip volleyball. Stay home and play with him.

Emma ~ I can do both

I'd just put the last of the groceries in the fridge when I heard him coming down the stairs.

Jeans, t-shirt, and bare feet. He looked just as sexy as he had when he opened his door in New York. I liked the way he was looking at me. His eyes were so blue. The slight curve of his mouth. He loves me.

Sebastian reached for me, putting his hand on my face. I laid my head over. The gentle caress of his fingers drifted back, lacing into my hair. A slight pull brought me closer. I slid my hands from his waist around to his back. His arm around my shoulder pulled me in. When he kissed me, it was so soft, a gentle press of his lips with only the briefest touch of tongue. He moved far enough away to look into my eyes. "Te iubesc.”

Sounded more natural when he said it. I had the pronunciation, but not the correct intonation. I’d have to practice. I said it back, "Te iubesc. "

He pulled me closer again, stopping a hairsbreadth from my lips, "I want to make love to you."

"How's that going to be different than what we've been doing?" In reality, my feelings weren’t all that different, it was just having said the words out loud.

"I don’t know, but we're about to find out." His voice, the softness, combined with his kiss made my knees weak. I held onto him. When he took a step back, he took my hand, “Come on.”

I stayed close behind him going up the stairs and down the hall. Not once did he look back. It felt like he had a purpose and was focused. My heart was racing. Not sure why. Everything I thought about it not being different feels like bullshit. This feels more. We’ve not lacked intensity, but I was finding it hard to breathe. More.

Inside my bedroom, Sebastian touched his phone which was on my chest of drawers. The song we’d danced to the other night, the one I’d not heard before, started playing. He kept walking until we were in the middle of the space. Blinds were closed, decorative pillows on the chair, and the bed was pulled down. I hadn’t thought about what his “give me five minutes” comment was about. I’m glad I hadn’t. This was incredibly sweet and pulled hard at my heart.

Sebastian turned, curled his arm to hold my hand on his chest, his other arm snaking around me to hold me close. I held onto his shoulder and moved with him. His eyes were holding me closer than his arms. I smiled, licked my lips, and bit my bottom lip.

His mouth curved, “What’s that about?”

“So I don’t scream.”

He nodded in a way that only made it worse before he kissed me. Gentle. Soft. Never breaking with the rhythm of the song. His eyes met mine again, “On our first date I thought I could fall in love with you. The first time we kissed I knew I could. Later that I night I knew I was. Every time I see you, every time we talk, I want you more. I just wanted to surprise you today. When you turned around it was like everything came together. No more falling, I was there, am there, completely in love with you.”

I moved the hand on his shoulder to the back of his head, threading my fingers into his hair. Sebastian's eyes closed with the contact. "I was less than a block from your apartment when I wanted to turn back and tell you I loved you. But I couldn't have stayed and I couldn't have left. So I held onto how safe, cherished, and loved you make me feel until I was back with you. Even though we hadn't said it, I felt it when you look at me." I stretched up and pulled him down. "I want to crawl inside you and I don't think that's going to be close enough."

He looked the way I felt. "Emma." My name was all he said. His lips were parted in a smile, his blue eyes shining.

"Sebasti-an." I returned his smile and pressed my lips to his.

He let go of my hand to pull me closer. Pressed against him wasn't close enough, but it was better. It was being able to feel the rise and fall of his chest with each breath that I loved most. The feel of his reaction. The growing hardness against my hip was a reaction too, but it was binary. Hard or soft. Sebastian's breathing was much more nuanced. Right now, it was slow and steady.

Sebastian’s fingers dug into me when I went under his shirt. His breath hitched and he moved his mouth to my neck. Soft wet kisses raised my heart rate. He knew just how to send goosebumps over my skin. He leaned back a little and I watched him reach behind him to pull his shirt off. My mouth watered looking at his chest and stomach. I took hold of the hem of my shirt and took it over my head. Sebastian's hand followed my shirt, stopping to undo the clasp on my bra. He was pushing it over my shoulders before my arms were down.

Skin was Sebastian's thing. A strip peeking out from a stretch or designed into clothing. Like this, naked in front of him, he liked to look. I waited, letting him take in the tan lines from my bikini top. Touching would even better.

His hand reached out and traced the dark to light skin before even that wasn't enough and he returned to kisses. I followed the line of muscles where ever I could reach. Across his shoulders, his bicep, and my favorite the contours of his back. I let my fingernails scrape his skin and heard the prettiest moan from where his tongue was indeed licking a tan line. I played in his hair a moment before running my fingers along his beard, to under his chin. I pulled him back up, loving the glazed over look in his eyes. I watched my fingers on his chest and stomach. I left a hand dangerously close to the spot that made him shake and moved behind him. My mouth retraced where my fingers had been and I moved my hand between his legs. Sebastian put his hand over mine, increasing the pressure.

"I love how you touch me." Sebastian's voice broke the silence. I took my hand from him to undo his jeans. Hooking his boxers with my thumbs I took everything down, including myself. I kissed his thighs while getting his clothes over his feet, licked from the back of his knee up the back of his thigh, and over the curve of his ass before pushing him to turn around.

Sebastian touched my cheek before making sure my hair was out of the way. I looked up at him while licking the slit at the tip of his cook. My dirty smile matched his. I sucked his head into my mouth and used my tongue along the edges. The soft underside of my tongue against him got the strongest reaction. His hand fisted in my hair, not to guide, but to have something to hold onto. I held onto the back of his thigh with my fingers stroking the edge where his leg met his ass.

I felt his leg shake and let his cock fall from my mouth. If I'd kept going, he'd be no use to me. I needed to feel him inside me. Sebastian took my hands when I put them on his hips, guiding me to stand. He leaned over to meet me. We were kissing before my legs were straight. His mouth caught my moans as his hand went between my legs. Fingers rubbed over and dipped inside. I held tight to his shoulders, breaking from the kiss with a gasp when a jolt of pleasure ran through me. I dropped my head to his shoulder, "Oh god."

Before I knew what was happening Sebastian swept me off my feet and laid me on the bed. Our eyes locked as I scooted into the middle of the bed. His normal predatory look was tempered by a different kind of desire. He kept his eyes on mine while kissing up the inside of my leg. He was on his hands and knees kissing my stomach, when I sat up, taking his face in my hands. I kissed him gently before smiling, "I love you."

He kissed me, not quite as gently. I let go of his face and laid back down. More kisses were laid on my stomach while he settled between my legs. I sighed with the first sensation of his mouth on me. He dove straight in with tiny licks on my clit, so gentle that I almost couldn't feel him. Until I could. I shook all over. My fingertips ran through his hair and over to the side of his face. He turned his head, kissing my fingers, before returning between my legs. The momentary interruption in contact was enough that his tongue back on me had me arching off the bed. I felt his hand, his fingers, reach for me. I tangled my fingers with his, holding tighter, and calling his name when I came.

I tried to push him away, too sensitive right after an orgasm, but Sebastian wasn't having it. He backed off my clit. His tongue was... everywhere. Occasionally, he'd swipe across my clit, but didn't focus there until he heard me moan from the contact.

I squirmed until Sebastian's grip on my hips stilled me. Not long after he sat back on his knees and reached for the condom. I took it away, rolling it on while we kissed. I took him with me, pulling him on top of me. I loved the weight of him. Loved the unrestricted access from shoulders to ass when he was on top. I could caress and hold on while he stroked inside me. My hips rose to meet him.

I initiated the position change. Sebastian had done such a good job working me up again, but I needed I different angle to keep it going. Plus I liked to lay my hand on his stomach while I rode him. To feel the twitches. He enjoyed the view. He looked relaxed and happy flat on his back. His hands held onto my hips or ran over my thighs. I controlled his angle and depth, making him hit the right spots.

Sebastian held onto my waist, stopping my movement. "Emma, baby, I need to be closer." He sat up, holding onto me to keep us joined while he redistributed our weight. I pulled my legs up tight against his hips and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. We didn't move for a while, reverting to simple kisses and touches.

His fingers blazed a trail down either side of my spine to my ass, where he gently lifted, encouraging me to move. I made small movements, rising and falling on his cock while circling my hips. I kissed along his neck, sucking and licking the tendon that ran on the side his neck. He growled when I sucked a pulse point. That sent his heart rate up. "This is my favorite position with you. I can see you and touch every inch of you." He reached behind me to ruin his hand from my foot, up my leg, over my hip, up my back, and over my shoulder to my breasts and stomach. He played with my breast before dipping his head to kiss them. He wrapped his arms around my waist taking over. He used his legs to lift me and his arms to bring me down. "Look at me."

I lifted my head, shifting my eyes to his, "I'm close."

"I wanna see you." He kissed me again.

When our eyes met everything else fell away. There was nothing, but Sebastian and I. I could hear his breathing, feel the air against my skin. Hear the noises he made. Sighs, moans, catches. See him. His face showing pleasure, his body damp with sweat, and his eyes saying everything. I felt warm all over. More than the physicality of us making love, I felt him. Lost in the heat of the moment, with him moving in me. There was nothing else.

As the intensity increased, I lost track of where I ended and he began. Everywhere we touched was blurred. I couldn't have taken my eyes from his if I tried. "Bastian." His name was a whisper on my last breath before my orgasm.

He smiled and held me down on him, "Em’."

We rode out our orgasms, not breaking eye contact until the very end when we kissed just as slow and gentle as when we'd started. Sebastian loosened his grip and ran his hands over my back. I stroked his face before resting my hands on his chest.

"Well... " Sebastian looked mischievous. "Guess that’s how it's different."

“We need to figure out how to do it again."

"Oh yeah." He kissed me then laughed. "I should tell you something. I hate being called Bastian."

I gasped in absolute horror, "Sebastian!"

His fingers over my mouth silenced me, "Except when you do it. Don't ever stop."

"You told me. It was in your list of names." When he introduced himself. I could not believe him.

He shook his head, almost laughing. "I know. I was nervous. It’s a close second behind Sebasti-an." He laid down, keeping me with him. I felt him slip out of me. He frowned, "That makes me sad."

I sat up, scooting down on his thighs to get rid of the condom, then laid down half on him. My fingers played on his chest and his were on my shoulder. I lay there soaking in his warmth and feeling wonderfully content I kissed his chest before moving up to kiss his lips. "I don't know how it could get any better than right now."

"Being me is pretty damn good."

I put a hand in the middle of his chest and pushed myself up, "I'll be right back." I ran downstairs to more his laundry and brought back a bottle of water.

I handed the bottle to Sebastian while I crawled back in bed. Settling against him, I threw an arm and a leg over him.

After putting the bottle on the nightstand, he tickled along my arm as I did the same on his chest. "What time do we need to be at school tomorrow?"

"No set time. Packed and labeled before Friday. When's your mom want us to come over?" Before he could answer I added. "We were supposed to be at your place and you need to work."

Sebastian smiled and kissed me, "I didn't fully think this out. Nothing past getting back to you." He switched from tickling my arm to tickling the side of my breast. I was going to lose him soon.

Since he was playing, I moved my hand from his chest to as low on his stomach I could go and still call it his stomach. "How about we spend Friday with your family. Go back to yours that night or Saturday. You work. I'll amuse myself. Eli has a gig Saturday night. Spend Sunday in bed. I'll come home Monday or Tuesday. Game on Wednesday. Leave for Paris on Friday." While I'd been talking, I skimmed my fingers over his skin, even brushing where his hardening cock stood up from his body.

His hand left my breast to rub his face. "You know I'll agree to anything you say right now, right? I know you've been saying words, but I might have missed some."

I think he's exaggerating. Cute, though. "You think on it."

"Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. Think on it." He rolled onto me to reach into the nightstand on his side of the bed. "I'll just put this on."

I licked my lips, "You think better wearing a condom?"

He made a face and nodded once before shaking his head no. "Absolutely."

A pair of orgasms later we jumped into the shower and were out of the house by five. On the way to pick up Mallory, he called his mom to tell her we'd be over Friday. The rest of my proposed timeline worked for him too.

Mallory jumped in the back seat, "Sweet, a chauffeur!"

"We prefer driver now." He said with a smile. He reached over and rubbed my leg, "Show her the picture she took." Looking in the rearview mirror he met her eyes, "Drinks are on me tonight."

I unlocked my phone and handed it to Mallory with the last picture, the posed one, showing. Mallory pouted, "Aw, so cute. Guess you figured out I took more." She scrolled back and from her eyes I knew when she got to the one, "I love this!”

"We do too."

"I took a photography class a couple of years ago. An adult continuing ed thing. It's insane how good some camera phones are now."

For the rest of the drive Mallory and Sebastian talked photography. In the parking lot he said something about taking pictures of me. He grimaced, "Did that sound as creepy as I think?"

Mallory and I laughed, "Yeah."

The court was in front of the bar on the corner of two streets. High nets were hung all the way around. We walked around from the parking lot in the back. Sebastian slung his arm around my shoulder, "This is a dive."

I laughed, "Oh yeah."

"You get the paperwork. Mallory and I will get tables."

By the time I got back to them, they'd pulled tables closer to the railing. Samantha, Sebastian, and Mallory had taken the middle most chairs on the rail. I hugged Lindsey before Sebastian gave me his seat and I hugged Sam. The rest of the team, Nia, Dawn, and Cindy got there while I was filling out our form.

Becky signed before asking me, "How was Georgia?"

I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue, "Amy and I had a great time hanging out together and with some old friends. Argued with my mother almost every day including on the way to the airport." I felt Sebastian's hand on my lower back. Silent support like the after the tournament. I hadn't told him about the drive to the airport. I turned my head toward him, "Everything we talked about I said out loud."

"Sorry.” He cringed and kissed me, “But she did have an interesting spa visit."

I appreciated him diverting the conversation and laughed.

Scott came walking up carrying a cardboard box. He was looking at Sebastian. "I've been waiting for you to come back. I got a Cricut."

Others looked in the box and Sebastian shook his head, "I don't know what that is."

Usually Scott would use the moment for a sarcastic comment, but not today. Well, not to Sebastian. "It's a machine to cut out designs then you can use a heat press to make t-shirts." He pulled out a blue t-shirt that matched our team shirts. "I made a bunch. Some better than others." He tossed the one he held to Sebastian while everyone else grabbed from the pile.

Sebastian held it up, "This is great, Scott." He turned it around, "I was hoping beer bitch was on the back."

Sam glared at him, "I wouldn’t wear that."

"I would." Sebastian took off his newly laundered shirt and turned to give it to me.

While his back was turned Cindy dropped her mouth open and pointed both index fingers at him, then mouthed, "Oh my god."

Sebastian walked over and hugged Scott, "Thank you."

Mallory leaned into my ear and whispered, "How many orgasms have you had since he got here?"

I smiled and held up three fingers.

Sam stood up, "Don't tell the spa story until I get back. I'm going to change inside like civilized people."

Sebastian looked at her, "Perks of being a man."

She yelled back as she walked away, "One of the few." The other women followed Sam.

Part of me wished I could watch the game up here listening to them snark at each other. Mallory would have to fill me in. Cindy, Dawn, and Mallory were back quickly. I could see Nick checking out Cindy. I asked him about the climbing trip he'd taken a few weekends ago. The one I already knew all about. Everyone got in on the conversation, but Cindy got interested.

Sam showed back up with a couple of buckets of beer. I turned the offered bottle down. "I don't want a whole. I'll drink some of his."

Sebastian had the bottle turned up. He widened his eyes and brought the bottle down, nearly half gone. I wouldn’t have been surprised had he spit part of it back. "Here ya go, babe."

Mallory said, "I want to hear about the spa."

Sebastian smiled, "It's not the spa as much as the champagne drunk FaceTime I got later."

I laughed, "I only remember parts of the call. Awesome salt scrub then they wrapped me in seaweed."

Several people said, "Seaweed?"

Sebastian chimed in, "Then they left her to . . . marinade." He drew out the last word and everyone laughed.

"They have this specialty two-person massage, which I didn't like. I sent one away." I looked at him, "Did I tell you I felt like I was being prepped as a sacrifice?"

He nodded, "A virgin sacrifice." There was snickering. Sebastian talked to the snickerers. "She got annoyed with me when I said she wasn't a virgin. Told me I didn't know that."

Jeff spit beer, "Sorry."

"I told her I really kinda did."

"I hope so." Jeff laughed.

"Then she slid off the bed head first." Laughter erupted. From me too.

"Well, on that note we should go warm up."

Sebastian turned and we hugged. He moved his hands to my face, kissing me sweetly, "Good luck and I love you."

I smiled, "I love you too."

Mallory grinned and grabbed my hand as I walked by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless plug. It's my birthday.  
> Emma's IG emma_plays_90 has pictures. I need visuals to describe things and spend entirely too much time finding exactly what I want.


	65. Chapter 65

~*~Sebastian~*~

I turned back toward the others. Sam was looking at me, "You're hopeless."

I looked around, hoping she was looking at someone else, "What? Why?"

"Three weeks ago with the good luck kisses and Reese Cups you were ridiculous. This week... hopeless. You're a big soft squishy marshmallow of a boyfriend. I expected more."

I went for a confused look, "Do we know each other well enough for you to ride my ass like this?"

She smiled, "Apparently."

I held up a finger in Scott's direction before he could say anything. Everyone laughed.

We talked, laughed, and drank until the ref blew the whistle. Like earlier I was between Sam and Mallory. Sam leaned closer, "Too far?"

I knew she was referring to her teasing after Emma left. "Oh hell no, perfect." I sat back enough to include Mallory. "Thank you. I'm much more comfortable in front of five hundred people than in a small group. Expectations are different. You fucking with me lets new people know I’m just a guy here to watch his girlfriend play volleyball."

Sam looked at Mallory, "See, hopeless."

Mallory smiled, "Yeah, but cute as hell."

“Am I imagining the southern accent? It comes and goes.” I looked between the two of them and they indicated I wasn’t imagining. “Southern accents are trouble.” I shook my head, took a drink of my beer, and watched them win the first set.

Emma ran over, "Hungry. Would you order me something, please?"

I gave her a thumbs up and I had plates of appetizers ready when they got to the table. After losing. I slid off the stool, giving it to Emma, standing behind and to the side. I reached around her to eat while my other hand kept in contact with her. Touching her back. A slide across her shoulders. Anything for the contact. When Emma was finished eating, she leaned back, using me as a backrest. I leaned in and kissed her temple, my hidden hand on her hip.

I can't explain my want for contact. Before we met, before I saw her, before I heard her voice, I knew the feel of her touch. Her hand on my arm. Since that first touch, I've always wanted it. Maybe it's because touch was the first thing I knew. Like if the first thing you're attracted to is someone's smile you always remember the first one and want to see it again. I've never been touch hungry like this. I don't mind, kind of like it actually, and I'm not all in trying to overthink the why. It's just different. Hopefully, the relationship outcome will be different too.

Mallory's voice saying, "Barbie Bitches at ten o'clock," drew me out of my thoughts.

Emma said, "They're really not that bad."

Mallory snorted, "Yes, yes, they are."

There was a group of five heading our way. Three women and two men. I'm going to go ahead and guess the bleached blondes are the Barbie Bitches. There is a natural blonde in the group, so I could be wrong. The men were lagging a little behind. The one with short black hair had a full beard and the other had shoulder-length brown hair with a couple of days growth of beard. I don't feel jealous or insecure, but I am aware these are men she knows. Possessive. Protective. Proud. Definitely wanting to mark my territory, I guess her using me as a pillow does that. If she sits up I may have to kiss her. Tragic.

One of the guys recognized me first. He elbowed the other and nodded. I went on talking with Nick about the best flavors for chicken wings. I’m partial to teriyaki. Hot sauces aren't for me. I like flavor over burning the shit out of my mouth.

The five reached the table, hugs and handshakes for those nearby. Emma leaned forward and the hand I had on her hip magically moved to her shoulder when other eyes locked on me. Beside me, I heard Sam mumble, "Hopeless."

I looked at Sam and laughed, giving her a silent thank you. I realize someone in my line of work not liking to be the center of attention seems strange. Work and personal are different. Meeting her friends is personal, but the first minutes when they're recognizing work me is uncomfortable. I wish it wasn't. I don't like it.

Emma did the introductions, "This is my boyfriend Sebastian." I do like how she gives me a title. It feels like a diversion, setting an expectation. There's no question who I am. I'm not Sebastian with a dangling "the actor." I’m Sebastian "the boyfriend." That makes me uncomfortable too but in a much more fun way. She pointed as she gave names. "Justin, Caleb, Rose, Tammy, and Toni."

There was no way in hell Toni and Tammy weren't the Barbie Bitches. I was right about the hair too. I waved, "Hi, nice to meet you. Everybody work with Emma? Teachers?"

They told me what they taught. Toni and Tammy are English, Rose is Physics, Caleb is History, and Justin teaches programming and robotics. I looked at Rose, "I got a zero on my physics final." They laughed and I shrugged. "In my defense, of the eight seniors, the highest grade was a fifteen."

"You had a shitty teacher."

I widened my eyes and nodded in agreement, “Yeah, he gave us shit about the scores. I told him they said more about him than us. Finals were over, I didn't care."

Everyone started sharing stories from being a student or things students had done. Turned into a competition between the high school and elementary teachers for the most inappropriate comments and behaviors. High school was funny because they knew what they were doing, elementary because they didn't. I felt embarrassed for the mom who got the call her vibrator had made it to show and tell.

The game going on behind us was in the last set. Emma took off for the bathroom. When she came back, she went to the middle of the high school teachers, thanking them for coming. She was a good hostess.

Toni glanced at me before turning to Emma, "Are we really supposed to pretend he's not Sebastian Stan?"

Several things happened all at once. On one side of me, Samantha said, "Yes." On the other side, Mallory groaned. In front of me to the right, Tammy nodded her agreement with Toni. A little to the left, Emma said, "No."

Guess who I want to hear more from?

"You don't have to pretend you don't know who he is. But first and foremost, he's a person, so we're not going to talk about him like he's not right there." Emma looked at me with a smile. I was uncomfortable again. However, her protectiveness is hot.

Tami grimaced, "Sorry."

Emma hugged her to soothe the rebuke, "He scrambles my brain sometimes too."

I want to scramble more than her brains right now.

Tami looked at me as Emma headed around the table. "I'm sorry, Sebastian."

I waved away the apology, "You can ask me anything you want about work when they're warming up. The rest of the time I'm here to watch my girlfriend play."

It was Justin who did the fist pump, "Yes!"

I laughed.

Caleb faked a cough, "Fanboy."

"And not ashamed."

I had a fan. Sweet.

I'd taken Emma's seat when she left. When I started to get up she shook her head. She stood right up on me, laying her hand on my thigh. I lifted my arm over her, my hand landing on her ass, and my fingers going under the leg of her shorts to run my fingertips along the curve of her ass. My other hand, which was already under the table, moved her hand from my thigh to my crotch. I never stopped talking with Dawn. Beside me, Sam turned her back to me and leaned against the table, blocking anyone else from seeing. She’s definitely my favorite.

I was torn when the other game was over. I would miss our under the table fun, but the sooner the game was over the sooner we could go home.

Jeff walked around the table, heading toward the court. He pointed at me, "Your last good luck kiss sucked. Do better."

I jumped off the stool, grabbed Emma, dipped her low, and kissed her slow and deep. It felt very good. Reluctantly, I set her back on her feet. I looked at Jeff with my eyebrows raised.

Jeff grabbed Emma's arm and pulled her toward the court. "Much better. Thank you."

I turned back to the table to find all eyes on me. I shrugged with my hands up, "Taking one for the team." I took my spot back on the stool.

Justin leaned onto the table, "I have questions about stunts and drone shots." That conversation went on for a while. I could talk all day about that shit because it’s not directly me.

Toni wanted to know about Evans. Nia asked about gossip sites.

"I don't go there. Anybody can pretend to know anything and people will believe it if they want to. Even random guesses are going to be right sometimes. A friend had something real show up. It's best to ignore it. It'll go away with the next scandal. A lawsuit confirms and calls more attention." I could tell Rose had a question, "Go ahead."

She smiled, "Fanfiction."

I returned the smile, "What about it?"

"Love it? Hate it? Any favorites?"

I finished the last of my beer, considering how honest to be. I went all in. "I'm human. I got curious. For about a week. It doesn’t bother me. If a character I brought to life feeds someone's creativity I’m flattered. There are good stories and good writers out there. One of those could write a script, hell, for all we know someone who won an Oscar used to write fanfic."

"Real person stuff?"

I bobbed my head back and forth while looking at Dawn. "Still fiction and no more me than Bucky is. The imagination and amount of time spent on me is still flattering. All that's a step away. Now, the thirst tweets. Those are the things I wonder if people realize I see that. Fanfic is about an imagined version of me. Tweets and comments on Instagram are directed to me."

Caleb jumped in, "I bet you get the same things live at photo ops and shit though."

I nodded, "Some people lack boundaries."

Cindy said, "You looked uncomfortable reading those thirst tweets."

"Sort of." I laughed, "I wasn't embarrassed by content, just reading them out loud."

There were a few more questions before the whistle blew for the start of the game. I said, "Boyfriend time" and turned around.

It was another nail biter of a game. They lost the second set. All of us were screaming and clapping. It was a lot of fun. I liked this, being the spectator while hanging with her friends. I’ve always liked going to things and being the support person for friends. Fuck knows I’ve asked that from them enough. What I didn’t like was that this place didn't have Reese cups and the deck was too high for a between set kiss. Piece of shit dive bar.

They won the final set with a rejected spike by Becky and Nick. The team jumped in the air and hugged. So did Sam, Mallory, Scott, and I. I moved out of the middle to get to her first. In my head, I could hear Sam calling me hopeless.

I walked toward the opening to the court and met them, handing out words of praise. Emma stepped onto the deck and crossed the short distance into my arms. I kissed her head, "You did good."

"Thank you." She left my arms, kissed me, and took my hand. "It was a fun game. And I didn’t hurt myself."

We headed back to the table talking about plays and laughing. Emma sat down and pulled a beer from the bucket. I leaned my elbows on the counter behind me between Emma and Mallory, stretching out my back to reverse the hunching over during the game. I watched her profile as she talked with her friends. I could stand here looking at her all night. It didn't take long before I saw her energy drain away. Her smile shrank and her eyes lost their sparkle. I stood up, tucked a piece of hair that had escaped her ponytail, behind her ear, and waited until she turned her head like I knew she would. "You're tired." Not a question. She nodded. I turned to Mallory, "You ready?"

"Anytime."

I put Emma's bag on my shoulder. Emma stood up, "We're heading out."

Several other people said they were too. It wasn't late, but it was a weeknight.

I waited while they hugged their goodbyes. Mallory was back to me first. I slung my arm around her shoulder, "She's like a hostess saying good night to her guests."

Emma heard me and smiled. She joined us and I put my arm around her too. "Nice to meet everybody. I’m sure we'll do this again. Have a good night."

The three of us walked around the building to the CRV. I put in the code, opening the passenger and rear door, closing it behind them. I could see Mallory put a hand on Emma's arm and while I could tell they were talking I couldn't hear them. I walked a little slower around to the driver's side.

They didn't stop when I got in. Mallory was telling Emma about the questions during warm-up. When I turned to back out, Emma looked at me, "I'm sorry you were uncomfortable."

I smiled, "It was fine."

Emma's hand went to the back of neck, "I don't like you being uncomfortable. My friends making you feel that way."

"I don't enjoy it either, but it's part of being with you. You get my fans and a lot of other bullshit. I get your friends. I got less uncomfortable as they got used to me." I took her hand from my neck, kissing it before laying our joined hands on my leg. "I did like you going protective. You handled it well."

Emma barked a short laugh, "I wasn't ok with them objectifying you."

Mallory added, "I call them Barbie Bitches for a reason."

I laughed, “I’ve survived worse.” Emma leaned over and kissed my cheek. “See, all worth it.”

“Emma, you know they’ve sent out shit. Your room is going to be Grand Central tomorrow.”

Emma sighed. I thought to say something but wanted to hear from her first. I wasn’t surprised by her response. “You can stay at home if you want.”

“Without you?”

“Yeah, I have to get packed up but you don’t have to go.”

“Nope.” It was never an option. “What sort of an asshole would I be if I’m not willing to deal with your co-workers dropping by your classroom. I promise you what you’re going to have to deal with will be much worse.”

“I get that, but to be fair, there’s not been much fall out from your fans.”

From the back seat I heard, “There will be. Probably is, but you don’t have an online presence to know.”

I nodded backward, “What she said.”

“I don’t know how your fans react to girlfriends, but I was a huge One Direction fan. Fans were brutal to their girlfriends. One released a cookbook and they left shitty reviews bringing her rating down on Amazon. Death threats to one if they broke his heart. They went all the way back in their social media and dug up shit. Hopefully, your fans are older.”

“Not always.” I guess this is when we’re going to talk about this. Maybe having a friend who’d been a fan would be helpful. “I won’t say fans cause breakups, but they don’t help. It’s complicated. There’s more nice than ugly, but a lot of time the ugly is really ugly. Like you said, trashing her career, her cookbook because of who she’s dating. Girlfriends don’t always react well. Friends don’t always react well. The men, me, don’t always react well. I’m good at hiding when I don’t want to be seen, but I don’t understand people who can hide whole relationships for years. Hell, we’ve already been spotted having lunch. Two weeks in. I don’t know what the right answer is, because I haven’t found it.”

Emma jumped in, "On the plane home I went looking around. There is a blog with all your relationships. Chronologically."

I'm sure I looked horrified. Because I was. "I don't want to know that. I don't want you to know that."

Emma grimaced and shook her head. "I didn't read any relationship stuff. I'd have to give you my high school and college diaries to equalize the invasiveness." She faked a shudder and Mallory laughed. Emma continued, "I was looking for fan reaction. There were links to Instagram posts, Twitter threads, and other blog posts. They have lots of opinions."

"Yeah, I know."

"You can't win." She pointed at herself, "Neither can I."

She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. "And you're still here. Are you crazy?" This was a legitimate question.

Emma reached over to play in my hair again, "Only about you. I'm going to focus on what I can do something about. You and I. I'm too curious to not look, and I can't promise it won't get to me, but at the end of the day I get you." She leaned across the console and I met her for a kiss. "Also going to keep my shit on private."

Mallory spoke again, “I know it’s totally none of my business.”

I interjected, “Wouldn’t be discussing in front of you if we weren’t ok with your opinion. Sometimes outside opinions see things better. Especially if you watched a fan meltdown before. Thank fuck I’m not in One Direction.”

“Can you sing?”

“Not in a way anyone wants to pay to hear. Maybe a charity karaoke or something.” I liked injecting laughter into a not funny conversation. I worried about this. I worried about Emma get drug through shit.

“I think you have to find a balance. You can’t do something because of fans, but you can’t avoid things either. Fans don’t react well to being kept in the dark, but they are quick to be pissed by baiting or what they think is rubbing their face in something.” She put her hand on her chest, “For me, and remember I was seventeen, I didn’t care about casual dates or whatever, but if it was serious and they were being spotted everywhere it was different. Then it becomes fans creating their own stories if they don’t have the real thing. Some fans got pissed when they could see what was going on, but being told nothing was going on. Felt like they were being lied to or treated like crazy fans. Again, with balance. How much are you ok with revealing versus how much fiction is tolerable. Emma’s right. You can’t win.”

I waited until we got to a stoplight and turned to look at Mallory, “Now, you’ve given me things to think about.”

Mallory shrugged, “I think you play to the sane stable fans. The others are going to create chaos no matter what.”

“Ummm.” I was full of thoughts.

Emma chuckled, “Will you be filling me in on these thoughts.”

“When I’m done overthinking and sorting through them.”

They went back to talking and I tried to leave all the thoughts behind. They needed to simmer. I’d look at them later. When we reached Mallory’s place I jumped out and ran around to the other side of the car. I pulled Mallory into a hug. Initially, she tensed and I was afraid I’d entered unwanted affection territory, but she quickly relaxed and hugged me back. I’d just surprised her. “Thank you for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Emma was smirking when I got back in, “What?”

“I think you get comfortable with people before they’ve totally adapted to you.”

I knew what she meant. “I hug too quick.”

“No, no, no. Not too quick. It’s just fun to watch the reaction because getting used to talking to you is very different than being in your arms. You up close is better looking than you a few feet away. Your blue eyes. And your arms and chest feel . . . mmm.” She shimmied in the seat, “So good.”

“That may be just you.”

She started laughing. Hard. “I don’t think you believe that.”

She was right. I started laughing with her, “I do know I can cause a reaction. Not gonna lie, it’s fun.”

“I can’t wait to see you with a group of fans..”

“It’s a mind fuck. Prepare to deflate my ego. I can get a little out of hand after events.”

“Really?”

I nodded, “Part of why I take friends with me when I can. Hours of screaming, crying, and shaking fans. Being told your gorgeous and they love you. The stories about what something I’ve done has meant to them. It’s all pretty heady shit.”

“Plus all the hugs and inappropriate comments from beautiful women.”

Well, I walked myself into this. Luckily, I could tell she was teasing me and not taking it seriously. “You know how visual I am.”

“You just bring all that pent-up sexual energy home to me and we’ll work it off.” She patted my thigh. “And if you’re getting too cocky we’ll go to a Pearl Jam concert and you can feel the love rolling off fifty thousand plus people all at once.”

Comparatively, I ain’t shit.


	66. Chapter 66

~*~Emma~*~

I had taken quite a bit of shit when we were warming up. Good natured teasing. There was no more telling them not to refer to him as my boyfriend, no more asking them to not embarrass me, and definitely no more concerns if he liked me. Those were never real anyway.

I was a little surprised by how much I enjoyed him with these friends, especially Mallory. These may not be my best friends, but they are my everyday friends. Mal is by far my best friend here. I can call Angie and Eli anytime, but Mal is just here. It's been fun to see these friends interact with Sebastian. Until Toni talked about him like he wasn't there.

That's the difference between my best friends and my everyday friends. My best friends don't go starry eyed and look at him like he's larger than life. Mallory didn't as much. She was the only one who knew who he was. She’d had time to make him real and not just a movie star. Oh shit, I screwed this up.

When we got in the car Mallory put her hand on my arm, "I love him. He’s down to earth, funny, and over the moon in love with you. He can't keep his hands off you. I love him."

I was feeling like a giddy teenager, "He's pretty fantastic."

After Mallory and Sebastian told me about the "work" questions, I felt worse about how I'd handled this. I'd apologize later and figure out how to do better. Her ideas on fan behavior had been interesting. It was a different perspective from either of ours. I was watching his face while she talked. I could tell when he agreed, disagreed, and when something made him think. Watching his eyes focus on the road while his eyebrows and mouth showed how he was processing. Doing that thing with his tongue. This conversation should not be turning me on. Fuck that. Everything about him, having to do with him, turns me on. I like that too much to fight it.

Sebastian jumped out of the CRV when we got to Mallory’s. I could read his lips, “Thank you for everything.” Mallory’s eyes were wide with surprise when he hugged her.

At my place, I stopped outside my front door, took off my shoes, and dumped out the sand. "I thought that was going on."

Sebastian laughed, "That's why you wear sandals on a beach."

That reminded me, "Do you talk to Will? Any decision on the group getaway?"

He was toeing off his shoes, "Nope. Do you want to see if Angie and Eli want to go?"

"No." I held onto his arm, stretching up to kiss him. "This is us going away with your friends. I want it to just be us."

He put his arms around me, "Angie and Eli are us too."

This man. I laid a hand on his chest, "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled and kissed me.

"I appreciate you including them, but I want to be with you and just your friends. We're always with my friends, even when we were with your friends. I don't want to introduce new people into your friends and change the dynamic."

"You're incredible." I scrunched up my face and shook my head. Sebastian wasn't having any of it. He put his hands on my face, "You are. Incredible. Every hour since I told you I love you something happens and I realize I love you more than I did an hour ago. We're discussing a vacation and you want it to be just my friends so I'm comfortable and I want to invite your friends so you'll be comfortable. This is the best disagreement ever."

Instead of letting me respond, he kissed my words away. The warmth of his mouth and the softness of his tongue against mine wiped away everything else. We held each other and kept the kiss soft and slow. I wanted to stay like this. Right now felt quiet and innocent. There was just us. These moments are precious. The kiss ended with us hold on a little tighter. I felt like he was with me realizing the moment was ours and wanting to stay in it.

Several minutes later we had lessened our hold on each other and eased apart. I kissed his pink lips, "I need to shower."

Sebastian's thumb moved over my cheek, "You look tired. Want anything from down here?"

"There's some juice in the fridge. That would be great. Thanks." I kissed him again and head upstairs.

In the shower, I felt my energy going down the drain with the sand and sweat. I put on the cami and shorts I’d brought in with me and walked back into my bedroom.

The only light was from the bedside table. Sebastian was covered to his waist by the sheets and was reading something on his phone. He looked over with a smile and laid his phone on the bed, "Feel better?"

"Cleaner." I climbed under the covers he held up, sliding my hand from the band of his boxer briefs to the center of his chest.

"I don't think I handled you meeting my friends well. I feel bad and I'm sorry you were uncomfortable." His eyebrows were weighted down with questions. I kept talking, "Mal is the only one who didn't gawk at you. She’s also the only one who knew who you were. I mean they all knew I had a boyfriend named Sebastian and assorted good things, but I hadn't shown them pictures, told them what you do, or your last name. Mal knew, so she wasn't surprised. I think I should have prepared them so they weren't all "oh fuck Sebastian Stan”. Would have been better."

Sebastian shrugged and made a face, "Maybe, maybe not. Might have given them time to get worked up. Not that your friends are fans, but the reaction of fans who've paid money to meet me varies from struck mute to panic attack. They were fine." He kissed me, "Curious why you didn't tell them. Am I your dirty little secret?"

I laughed, "Not hardly. The important people knew before you were back in the city the first weekend. The ones who would think nothing of who you are outside of a guy with an interesting job. Telling work friends is complicated. I didn't know how to tell who you were without it being awkward, so I let it happen organically, which made it awkward for you. I think after talking about you a few times, where they knew about you, I should have shown them you. Introduced you as this great guy, then added a picture. That’s what happened with Mal. She knew a lot about you so when she saw the picture it was putting a face with the person she already knew. Plus she had time to ask me about us. I was protecting us, me, from questions and gossip. Had the kids found out they would have been all over me and posting things online. We were new and I wanted to keep it private. Then it was too late." Sebastian was smiling. "What?"

"I get it. If I figure out how to do it right, I'll let you know. Until then we'll muddle through." He stroked the back of my head and kissed me.

I rambled on, "I feel like there's a public and private me. Work friends are public. I don’t hide Ed, I just don’t advertise. It’s private. I may get a question if I’ve posted something, but mostly the novelty has worn off. The kids don’t know. You’re like Ed, you're private. Had I just kept using Vedder as my last name there wouldn’t be this divide."

"You used Vedder?"

I nodded, " It made sense in Seattle and since he was doing all the college stuff with me. When we moved to New York, Jimmy asked me to use Marcum. We were going to a lot of law firm functions and he wanted to build his own name. I was young and an idiot. "

"Did you legally change it?"

More nodding, "Marcum-Vedder. Hyphenated." I cocked my head, "Is Stan your real name?"

His turn to nod.

I growled, "Not like I feel particularly connected to my biological family right now. Tomorrow my room will be crowded with teachers coming to say hello. If I'd left it Vedder..."

Suddenly I was on my back, Sebastian's weight holding me down, and his mouth covering mine. He tasted like clarity and calm. I didn't know I needed either. He moved away slowly, "I think you might be too tired."

"I ramble when I’m tired."

"I noticed." He kissed me before his lips could fully turn into a smirk. Rolling back and taking me with him, Sebastian held my head to his chest. "I want you to close your eyes."

I watched him pick up his phone, "What are you doing?"

"I told you to close your eyes"

I did and he kissed my forehead.

"So Winnie-the-Pooh went round to his friend Christopher Robin, who lived behind a green door in another part of the forest.

“Good morning, Christopher Robin,” he said.

“Good morning, Winnie-ther-Pooh,” said you.

“I wonder if you’ve got such a thing as a balloon about you?”

I didn't open my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you," was whispered against my forehead. Then he went back to reading.

I woke up in the morning to find our positions reversed. Sebastian's arm and leg were thrown over me and his head was on my chest. His face was turned down where all I saw was hair. I couldn't resist. At first, I barely touched the strands. With each stroke my fingers went deeper until I reached his scalp. His hair was thick, soft but a little coarse with his waves. I loved the way tendrils wrap around and let go of my fingers.

Eventually, there was a sound telling me someone else was enjoying my play. Sebastian let out a contented moan, "All day. You have all day to stop doing what you're doing."

"This should be a secret sign. We can be anywhere and I can run my fingers through your hair. No one but you and I would know what it means."

Sebastian looked up with his sleepy eyes and soft smile. "What does it mean?"

I hadn't gotten that far. I crinkled my nose. There were lots of things it could mean. "I think... When I run my fingers here it's a reminder of the first morning we woke up together and I said, "Îmi place să mă trezesc lângă tine. Te ador. Mă faci fericit Sebasti-an." < I love waking up beside you. I adore you. You make me happy.>

"Those are a lot of words."

I put my fingers under his chin to tilt his face up to me. I kissed him very softly with just the briefest touch of tongue. "You don’t have to remember all the words. You just have to feel them.” My fingers trailed through his hair and along his scalp with each sentence. "Îmi place să mă trezesc lângă tine. Te ador. Mă faci fericit, Sebasti-an. Te iubesc." One more stroke as I kissed him, "Think you can remember this feeling."

"Tu ești cel pe care l-am așteptat. Te iubesc ca un nebun." His hand moved up my side, fingers barely trailing over the side of my breast. The contact was as soft as his voice. "You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. I love you like crazy." He licked his lips before pressing them to mine. "Now you have a memory too."

Quite some time later we rolled out of bed and into the shower. I came downstairs, the smell hitting me first, to see Sebastian making breakfast. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, "I thought you said you couldn't cook."

He slid the contents of the pan onto a plate, "Omelets are about it. Scramble some eggs and throw in whatever’s in the fridge." He turned his head and kissed me. "Much more selection in yours than mine."

"You can buy more food."

"Na, just throw it away a month later."

"A month?"

He looked like a naughty child when he shrugged, "It's not pretty."

I took the plates to the other side of the counter, "Dine out at your place. Cooking at mine. Mostly."

He slid onto the stool next to me, "I'll be your sous chef."

I took a bite, "Very fluffy. Good. You can make breakfast."

Sebastian put his arm around my shoulder, pulled me close enough to kiss, and stopped an inch before. "I'll make love to you and bring you breakfast in bed."

I closed the distance by half, "You'll ruin me for other men." I hoped the tone of my voice conveyed I was teasing

"All part of my plan."

We parked in the back lot of the school close to my new room and walked across the lawn to the door close to my current room. I stood in the middle of the room with my hands on my hips looking around. There was so much to pack up. Most things in the cabinets were already in tote boxes and bins. I'd brought in several big plastic bins to load up with anything else and the contents of bookshelves, desk caddies, and the seeming one hundred little areas I had stuff in. Not to mention taking everything off the walls, hanging from the ceiling, area rugs, pillows, and my reading chair.

I looked over my shoulder at Sebastian, "I'm overwhelmed. Don’t even know where to start." Yesterday I didn’t have a deadline. Today I did.

Sebastian smiled and looked around, "When I got here you were taking down the word wall. What about the other walls?"

"Umm, the posters and educational things go to the other room. All the decorations go in the trash. All the name tags and number lines and stuff on the desks are trash too. I'm going to do a new theme. Not sure what."

"Ok. You go back to the words. I'll start ripping down everything that’s trash. We'll go from there." I nodded. "Where's the speaker?" I pointed. "I'll get music going."

Direction helped. I would have gotten there, but after spinning in circles, literally, several times. “I stall out when there’s too much.”

He snickered, “I got your back.”

We got to work. Taking my room apart was faster and much more fun with Sebastian’s help. A kiss here. A hug there. A quick dance around the room. Lot’s of incredibly off-key singing. By the time I started getting hungry the walls were cleared, desks cleaned off, and we had piles in different areas of the room. There were several places that delivered and I tried to think which would have food that Sebastian was supposed to be eating. Boring food and lots of gym time. He hasn’t really had much time to do either. I pulled up a delivery menu on my desktop, “Hey, Bastian, I’m hungry. Come see what you want.”

He came over, sitting on my lap to scroll through the choices. I wrapped my arms around his stomach, linking my hands and laying my cheek against his back. He laid his non-scrolling hand over mine, “Everything looks good.”

“Want to hit the gym once we’re done here?”

I felt him react. He slid off my lap, kneeling on the floor between my legs, with his hands on my hips. “Healthy lunch. Gym. Are you taking care of me?”

I draped my arms over his shoulders, “Guilty.”

As he kissed me I folded my arms around his neck. “I appreciate that, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Another kiss before I grabbed my phone to call Mallory’s room, “Hey, we’re ordering from Bliss. Want?”

Five minutes later I placed the online order for Dawn, Mallory, Nia, and us. Sebastian had laid down on the floor while I arranged lunch. I looked down at him, “No idea when that floor was mopped.”

“Help me up.” He held his hands toward me.

Mallory called when lunch was delivered and we headed over to her. It would be our last lunch in Mallory's room. Yes, we'd be eating in the same place next year, but it would be my room. Dawn was pulling food out, setting it around the table, and Nia had the drinks in the center.

The talking started as soon as we all sat down. Dawn had drifted into the world of online dating and was meeting a new guy on Saturday for coffee. Nia had a long-distance relationship and Mallory had broken up with her long-term boyfriend almost a year ago. She still wanted nothing more than casual dates.

Sebastian smirked, "Just live your life and when you least expect it you'll meet someone."

"Exactly." Mallory stopped to take a drink. "Until then I will try to figure out what I want."

Dawn leaned in Sebastian’s direction, "You're a man."

I saw Sebastian cringe dramatically and his voice as skeptical. "Yes. I checked last time I went to the bathroom."

Dawn laughed, "What do men want?"

Sebastian sat back laughing, "I am a horrible person to ask this." He pulled out his phone and typed a message. I’m guessing to his friends’ chat. “Will’s going to love this.” He took a deep breath. "For it not to be so hard to figure out what women want."

All of us laughed.

"I did this radio interview and asked the female host what women wanted. In a split second she said safety."

The three women didn't have to think before they agreed.

He continued, "Ok, but what does that mean? Am I killing spiders? Putting up security cameras? Walking on the side of the road with the moving vehicles?" He held his hand out toward Dawn, palm up. "You're a strong independent woman and don’t need me riding in on a white horse. You don't need saving."

Mallory shook her head, "There's a difference between feeling safe and being saved by a knight in shining armor."

"Exactly. We, men, need help knowing where that line is. How do we make you feel safe without rescuing you? Women don't need rescuing anymore."

"True." Nia nodded her agreement.

They were thinking. I was smiling, "Feeling safe isn't grand gestures. It's not being rescued, but knowing someone is there to rescue if you need it. Having that support." Like when Sebastian put his hand on my back when Drew was coming at me.

Mallory added, "For me, it is things like walking on the side with the cars. Also, more emotional safety than physical. Maybe not more, but as much. And that’s a million little things"

"And differs for everyone." Nia pointed to herself then around to all of us. "What makes you feel unsafe, may not bother me.”

Sebastian picked up again, "You gotta help a guy out. Plus, don't instantly assume we're chauvinists if we go too far with being protective. Protective equals keeping you safe. It’s trial and error with what’s too much and what’s not enough."

"Back to the original question." Dawn leaned in again. "What do men want?"

"Besides blow jobs?" From Mallory.

He said jokingly, "Good blow jobs."

I poked him in the side, shaking my head, "That's a universal truth." He leaned closer and kissed me with a smile. Bastard.

"We want to feel needed. Realistically women don't need men anymore. You can support yourself, defend yourself, get off without us, and even have kids without us."

Dawn shook her head, "That's a cop out. Everyone wants to feel needed."

He shot back, "Everyone wants to feel safe."

He was right.

Mallory moved her hand as if she was pointing to each part as she spoke. "So the traditional male role of provider made men feel needed and women feel safe. Now that women can take care of themselves men don't feel needed and they don't know how to make us feel safe."

"Kinda sucks to be us." Sebastian shrugged, "Thanks for attending my TED talk on sexual politics." He shook his head in disbelief, "Worst person in the world to be talking."

"Why do you say that?"

I watched him turn his head to meet Mallory's eyes, "I was born in a communist country where contraception and abortion were illegal so women were forced to be mothers to children they didn't want or knew they couldn't feed. Women's rights were nonexistent."

"I think that gives you a unique perspective. Two very different worlds."

I nodded, "Very."

“Not going to lie, I left before I could fully be indoctrinated to that way of thinking, but there are times I have to stop myself and remember I know better.” He looked down at his phone, "I posed your question to my friends. I've got being needed, having a purpose, communication, blow jobs, and ask Emma she's figured out what you need."

Everyone looked at me. I looked at him. "I wouldn't say I figured out what you need as much as I paid attention when you told me."

He had that adorable confused look he gets. "What do I need?"

"Are you sure you wanna know?"

Mallory, Nia, and Dawn all said, "Uh oh."

Mallory explained, "That’s what she says when you're not going to like her answer."

They were right. I did check, but this was a little different. "No, he'll be ok with the answer." I looked at him, "Are you ok with me answering?" I raised my eyebrows hoping he'd understand.

At first, he stayed looking confused. I saw when figured it out, "You tell me. I trust you."

I nodded, "They're fine." With my peripheral vision I saw my friends looking at each other. I looked at them, "The question was if he trusted the answer wouldn't show up on the internet later."

Mallory raised her eyebrows and nodded. Dawn opened her mouth. Nia rolled her eyes, "Oh, yeah, no, we're not the gossipy ones. That's Cindy."

Mallory added, "And the Barbie Bitches. We know both her last names."

I laughed because that was a good marker. Very few people knew more than the basic Eddie as a family friend story.

Sebastian picked up my hand and kissed it, "Are you going to tell me I don't need to feel needed?"

I screwed up my face and bobbed my head back and forth. "It's not first. You need acceptance. If feeling needed was your primary you'd feel like a failure too much."

"How so?"

I started collecting empty food containers and garbage to take the intensity away from the conversation. “It’s hard to feel needed when you’re away working so much. Time zones and I doubt you can stop in the middle of a fight scene with Iron Man to answer your phone. Acceptance makes it ok to not be readily available and lets you feel needed. Even if it’s later.” I stood up, running my fingers through his hair as I walked to the garbage can, “And acceptance in general.”

I heard Dawn’s voice behind me, “Again, doesn’t everyone need acceptance?”

Nia and I said, “No.”

Everyone laughed. I returned to my seat, leaving my hand on the back of Sebastian’s neck. “Some people thrive off not being accepted. Or use their unacceptable behavior as a test for being accepted.”

“Those people are the worst.” Nia shuddered and stood up. “I’ve got to get back to work. So much left to pack up.”

Everyone else stood up, agreeing with her. Dawn stopped at looked at Sebastian, “Is she right? What you need?”

He smiled, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! It's been a difficult year for a lot people and I hope wherever you are and whoever you're with is bringing you some joy and peace. Every comment and kudo has been appreciated and been a bright spot in a tumultuous year. I hope I've given you some distraction, some happy good feelings, and made your room heat up a little. Thanks to you all, Lisa


	67. Chapter 67

~*~Sebastian~*~

This little barely a conversation told me it was going to be fine. Not that I was overly worried, but still. The way Emma checked with me if I trusted her friends was good. However, I do not believe for one second that the purpose wasn't really for her to say "don't put this on the internet." I’m sure she would have diverted the conversation if she didn't already know they could be trusted. She reassured me and made it clear she trusted them while still saying the expectation out loud. No one felt like they'd been admonished and no one got offended. The way she did it was so natural.

Beautiful. Fucking beautiful.

And not just Emma. I hadn’t known exactly where she was going, but we'd talked enough and I trusted her. We worked well together. Navigating through the bullshit was going to be just fine.

Dawn, the one with all the questions, looked like she had another one. She wagged her finger between Emma and me. "This is what I want. The way you two are. You're comfortable with each other, but not in the boring take things for granted sort of way. The fun, you get each other, deep conversation, and have really good sex sort of comfortable." She made a couple of circles with her finger, "I want this. How'd you do this?"

Me being included in any sort of relationship goals is laughable. I shrugged, "An excessive amount of talking."

My girl went the other way, "We made a deal to skip all the dating shit where you don't let the other person know you like them, don't respond to texts and phone calls too fast, and only talk about things that make you look good. We opted for just getting to know each other. You both have to be willing to jump off the cliff and catch each other."

Dawn laughed, "Well, that sounds terrifying and completely impossible."

"Terrifying? Yes. Impossible? No. Payoff huge." I smiled broadly, pointed at Emma, and whispered, "I got her."

Nia headed toward the door, "I like him."

Dawn rolled her eyes and followed, "I don't know which I'm more jealous of."

Emma ignored both of them and turned to Mallory, "Do you want to switch out the desks today or later?"

I looked at the desk, "You're moving that? It's huge."

Both women shook their heads. "They won't move them. We're packing everything up."

"Same desks?" Double nods. "Why don't we just swap out the drawers?"

They looked at the desk, each other, then me. "You're brilliant."

I looked at Mallory, "No, my parents recently moved and I moved drawers that weren't in the right places."

Emma and I headed back to her room. Right outside the door, I shook out my whole body, like a wet dog.

Emma leaned away, "You alright there, babe?"

I did it again, "You've been playing in my hair." I scratched both my hands in my hair. "I think you created a new erogenous zone."

I carried the drawers back forth while they held the doors. The amount of shit in the drawers was impressive. Emma has a problem with pens. I don't think I've ever seen so many pens outside of a store. And highlighters. Berry colored pens. I know this because the bin is labeled. Anything but yellow highlighters. Back in Emma's room we labeled everything with her name on masking tape and stacked everything on one side of the room.

There were many interruptions after lunch. Most people just saying goodbye to Emma for the summer. Emma said there were a couple of people she'd barely met. "I should set up a table, give you a pad of post-its, and charged twenty bucks for an autograph."

"You're undervaluing me."

"What does thirty seconds with you cost?"

"About a hundred for an autograph. Two for a photo. Four for a package."

She pulled me to her desk, pushed me in her chair, and gave me a berry pen and post-its. "I need new carpets. Start signing." I smiled and got to work. I was writing notes to her that I would be hiding in her room, vehicle, and house. Some sweet, some sentimental, and some sexy. I had to shoo her away and hide my stack. Emma finished labeling before I was done writing, so I stole a pen and the pad.

Last task for the day was taking the shit we'd pulled off the walls to Mallory's room. While they talked, I got the chance to hide a couple of notes in her desk. Pretty sure Mallory saw, but I trusted her to keep my secret. She'd read them, but these weren't dirty.

In the car, before I could buckle my seat belt, Emma fisted the hair on the back of my head and kissed the fuck out of me. Full on, open mouthed, lots of tongue, kissed the fuck out of me. Then just sat back.

I licked the taste of her, of us, off my lips, "I liked that."

"You were supposed to."

Despite my best efforts, I smiled, "I think I might get lucky after our workout.”

"I know you will." She winked at me.

Miracle I didn't hit one of the parked cars with as hard as I was laughing.

We worked out hard. Felt great after. Now to go home for cardio.

While I toed off my shoes, I clapped my hands together, "Where is that high-end vibrator?"

Emma put a hand on her hip, "Are you tired or lazy?"

I pursed my lips and looked, "Both. Only not tired. Mostly curious. " She was walking away, so I grabbed her from behind, sliding a hand between her legs. I kissed her neck, "I want to play with toys."

Emma put a hand on my cheek, "I will let you play after I shower. I stink."

"So do I." I nuzzled her neck and rubbed between her legs.

"If we were just talking sex, no problem. But you're going to be exploring."

Yeah, she's right. I wouldn't want her going down on me right now either. I let her go and took her hand, "Ok, but no fooling around in the shower."

"No promises."

Emma was a very good girl in the shower. Until she wasn't. And even then, she was still really good. It started when we were very soapy. Suddenly (not at all suddenly) her breasts were against my chest. Slippery and all the other good stuff. Her hands were on my back and ass. I went to kiss her and she pulled her head away. "You said no fooling around in the shower."

"I've changed my mind." I didn't really mean it when I'd said it.

Emma kissed along my neck to my ear, "întoarceți-vă, Seb asti-an."

Only good things can come from the words, "Turn around, Sebastian." I'm pretty sure I'm about to be reduced to a moaning boneless shell of a man. A very happy man. Emma placed kisses from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. Her hands slid down my wet skin to my hips and her kisses headed down my back. Somewhere around the same time, her tongue was at the base of my spine she must have gone to her knees. because her hands were moving up from ankles. I fell forward, resting my head on my arm on the shower wall. "I like where this is going."

"Do you?" Her fingers went up my inner thigh, up the crack of my ass, and circled around the bottom of my butt cheek.

I shivered, "Oh fuck."

Kisses moved to my ass. Hands on my thighs. I arched my back like the complete needy bastard I was. I like a lot of things about sex. Rimming is in the top three. Her hands holding, spreading me. Kisses teasingly close and the first touch of her tongue. I growled in pleasure and relief. Emma hadn't lied the first night when she told me there was no place on my body she didn't want to kiss. And kiss she did. And lick. Little licks, long licks, circular licks. I loved them all. They all produced different sensations and combined with the soft touch of her hands.

"Em, feels so good."

My words did not affect her. She kept up with what she was doing. Turning me inside out. I moved my hand to my cock, stroking slowly. There was no rush. Something told me Emma would keep rimming me until I couldn’t take it anymore, which was quickly approaching. The sensations, the new experience for us, and the still slight taboo was a recipe for losing control. That Emma went here before I asked was a huge turn on. She wants to do this to me. There's the thought that pushed me over the edge. She wanted to do this to me. For me.

“I’m gonna come, Emma." I felt one of her hands leave my ass and wrap with my hand around my cock. Her tongue kept working me and her hand helped me. Pleasure overload. The acoustics in the bathroom made my crying out much louder than I'd meant for it to be. "Fuck. Fuck. Oh god. Fuck!" and a final guttural growl that ended with a whole-body shiver.

I let go of my cock, grabbing her hand, and lacing our fingers. Ever so slowly she kissed her way up my back. Slow was good because I didn’t see myself moving anytime soon. The hand I wasn't holding slid around to my stomach, then reached in front of me to turn off the water. That was my cue to move. I tried to push away from the wall. I wasn't successful. I did laugh, "I’m not ready to move. Still feeling way too good."

Emma made her way between me and the wall, wrapping our joined hands around her back. Her lips brushed against my chest. The side of my neck. When her mouth met mine, I realized this was exactly what I needed to move, to ground me, but not pull me out of the high. I dropped my arm from the wall to around her shoulders, holding her close. What do you say after someone’s tongue has been up your ass? Thank you. I love you. Wow, that was good, will we do it again?

I nuzzled my nose against her neck, "You are a fantastic lover."

"Thanks." She rubbed her cheek against me. "You said the sex would get better."

I remember that. As we learned what the other liked it would get better. "I did."

"I'm figuring out what you like." She opened the shower door, handing me a towel, before stepping out and grabbing her own.

I laughed, "You mean what functionally paralyzes me?"

She nodded, tucking in the corner of the towel wrapped around her. "Just imagine when you're blindfolded, tied to the bed, and I use everything I know."

Shit. My mouth dropped open as I watched her leave the bathroom. I let her get a little ahead of me before running up to her, picking her up, and climbing into the bed with her. I pressed her into the mattress with my body on hers, "I love you."

Her fingers drug through my hair, "I love you."

I kissed her softly, wanting the emotion of it more than the physicality. I backed away with a smile, "Where are my toys?"

She pointed to the nightstand on my side of the bed, "Bottom drawer. Black velvet bag."

I dove to the side of the bed, hanging over the edge, "I’m intrigued by you specifying what I’m looking for. There's more than one toy."

Emma held onto my thigh like I might fall off the bed, "A single girl has needs."

I looked over my shoulder, "Not a judgment. It’s hot." A woman who takes control of her pleasure is hot as fuck. That she's confident enough to let me in on the fun... amazing. I did not immediately go for the velvet bag. The first thing I pulled from the drawer looked like a mini version of the "magic wand." It was purple. I rolled a little to my side to look at her. I held it up and quirked an eyebrow.

"General use. Quick, but lacks finesse. Also versatile, because you would enjoy it too."

"I bet." I loved her Amazon.com review. The next was kind of clear with gold sparkles. Very festive. This one I knew, "A rabbit."

She nodded and quoted Twister. "Rabbit is good. Rabbit is wise."

There's a lot of buttons." I started pushing them and the thing came alive. The ears wiggled and the shaft swirled.

"To be honest I only care about the ears. The cock part is only for resistance."

"Good to know." I put it back, grabbed the lube and the black velvet bag, and sat up with my legs crossed. I felt like a kid opening a present. Emma sat up, mirroring me. I opened the drawstrings and pulled out what was without a doubt a high-end vibrator. It was a deep wine color and the covering was soft. It was shaped like a "J". The shaft on the Rabbit was straight and resembled a cock. This didn’t. The way it curved looked more like fingers searching for the G-spot. On the other side was a soft collar around a hole. The controls were on the bottom curve. Even more buttons to play with!

I pouted when Emma took my toy. She held it like a game show presenter. "This is the Womanizer Duo. Rechargeable and water proof. The top buttons control the insertable bit. Bottom the suction. I reached for it and she pulled it away. "The magic is it remembers your last settings and it turns off and on with contact."

"Really? That is magic." I squinted my eyes, "How much?"

Emma laughed, "Two hundred and nine dollars. Worth every penny." She handed it back to me.

"Starts with contact?"

She nodded. I turned it upside down and put my tongue over the hole. Something started, but Emma shoved my elbow with a gasp, "Stop! Do you know where that’s been?"

She's lost her mind. I look at it then between her legs. "Nowhere my tongue hasn't." I felt the dirty smile form, "And less impressive than where your tongue’s been." I put my tongue back over the hole and a rhythmic sound started. There was feeling on my tongue opposite of my expectations. "It doesn’t really suck. It’s more of a powerful fast blow that has a side effect of suction. My tongue can’t do this." I pouted.

Her hand grabbed my face and pulled me closer to kiss, "You'll never hear me complain about what your tongue can do.”

"Good to know." I pushed her back onto the bed, laughing with her. It occurred to me how unsexy this was. Playful, but not sexy. Also, potentially awkward. I should check. I dropped the toy and crawled over her, supporting myself on my arms while I kissed her. "This ok? I don't want you to be uncomfortable or self-conscious."

Emma's head moved slightly from side to side and her tongue peeked out between her lips. "I'm good." She shrugged, "I'm confident if you can't figure it out, you'll take care of me."

That sounded like a challenge, "Oh, I'll figure it out." I sat back between her legs, crossed mine, and scooted close with her legs spread and draped over mine. After covering the toy in lube I pushed it into her. Watching her body take in the toy, like she takes in me, did things to my head. It was a rush. Same resistance as with my cock was resolved by pulling out and pushing back in. The suction part turned on as it touched her. I had a clear view and positioned it where I thought it should be. The lube made everything slippery and when it slid down below her clit, she gasped. I smiled. "Can I change the settings?" Before she could answer I pushed it deeper inside her which shifted the suction part. I could see it pull on her.

"You can do whatever you want:"

I felt her words shoot straight to my cock, "I'm making a list."

I bumped up the power and her reaction was curling her hips. Her movement shifted the focus inside her and caused a shiver. I hummed curiously. Switching my hold where my fingers lay along the shaft, and rocked it into her. Slowly. Her eyes fluttered closed for several seconds before focusing on me again. I upped the power again.

"Oh god, Bastian."

I don't know if she was still looking at me because I was watching what I was doing. Watching her start to squirm and pulse her hips. I knew very well what that felt like and while tempted to replace the toy with me, I was getting off on this too. Hard as a fucking rock.

Things moved fast when I pushed the up button again. Emma's thighs tightened and shook. I went a little faster pulsing into her. Emma fisted the fabric, one of her feet came up to press into my hip, and she arched against the bed. My name was broken by her crying out as she came.

I let her squeeze her legs together, turn aside, and break the contact. The vibrator turned itself off. We'd each had an intimate, but impersonal orgasm. It was time for contact.

After dealing with the condom and my new favorite toy I laid on my side next to her, stretching out my arm, "Come here, baby."

Emma rolled into me, moving her leg over my hip, and putting her hand on my chest. I reached between us to position myself and push inside her. We both groaned at the moment before our mouths met.

Everything was extra slick from the lube and it felt incredible. We moved together, kissed, and held on. Emma moved her leg down and grabbed my ass, pulling me deeper. Our mouths parted, but we stayed close, eyes soft and connected. I didn't want words. I didn’t need words. I knew the words. I was holding what I wanted and needed. She held me close in more ways than I could fully comprehend. I moved on top of her to finish with her fingers digging into my back.

I flopped onto my back beside her, taking her hand in mine. "I just realized I get you for more than a week. A couple days in the middle away, but over a week. Across three different locations."

Emma turned her head to smile at me, "We've been spending a lot of time together."

"I like it." Understatement.

"Me too."

It wasn't even dinner time. The rest of the night was spent making potato salad and watching TV. It wasn't too late when we went upstairs, made love again, and fell asleep.

We went for a run in the morning, weaving through the complex and nearby neighborhoods. I scrambled some eggs while Emma made some toast and cooked turkey sausage. She was going to start on the cupcakes while I showered.

I came down dressed with my swim trunks in my hand. I went over to Emma by the stove and looked in the pan, "What is that?"

She pulled the spoon up letting the yellow liquid flow off, "Lemon curd."

"I thought you were making cupcakes?"

"I am. This goes in the middle."

I started to smile then curled my lips in trying to stop. "Ok." I pointed to the couch. "I'm just going to go over there." I tried hard to suppress my snicker.

"Why are you laughing?"

I turned and looked at her, "I'm trying hard not to."

Emma glared at me. I came back around the peninsula and leaned in the corner a few feet from her. "It's sweet." I stopped and smiled, "Are you trying to impress my mother?"

"Would that be a bad thing?"

"No, just incredibly unnecessary."

Her eyes grew wide, "Why?"

"Seriously?" She stirred while looking at me "She loves you." How does she not know this?

"Oh," She looked back at her lemon curd, ignoring me creeping closer until I hugged her from behind. "I don't know what that was about."

I kissed her neck, "I send your father pictures and videos of you. Mostly in hopes he won't kill me, but maybe one day he'll trust me with you. He’s important to you, so I want him to like me."

"He does like you."

"I know." I let go of her and scooted my ass onto the counter. "And mom likes you. That you can feed her son who has zero cooking skills will get you extra points."

Mom took the cupcakes from me before pulling me into a tight hug. She let go of me to hug Emma, "Glad to see you."

"You too. The house looks great."

"Thanks in part to you two. We’ve changed and added a few things. We love the bakery you told me about. The sourdough is perfect."

"They'll sell you starter. Mine is four years old now."

I jumped in, "You can bake bread too?" Emma nodded. "Yum."

"When you get back from Paris we should have lunch."

"Absolutely."

That is how my mother and girlfriend started a relationship completely separate from me.

Out by the pool, I handed Emma my phone, "Take a picture for me." I jogged to the other side of the pool, my back to the railing. "Can you get the pool and view behind me?"

"You will be tiny."

"Good point." I thought a second, "I'll mention the pool in the caption."

Emma moved closer, "What are you going to do?"

"I hadn't gotten that far." I threw my arms out to the side turned my face up to the sky, closed my eyes, and smiled. Looking happy required no acting skills. I felt Emma's fingers on my stomach. I tilted my head back down and met her lips. I hummed my approval, putting an arm around her to bring her nearly naked body against mine. I nuzzled her neck to make her laugh, "Thank you, baby."

We walked back to the lounge chairs, Emma was between me and mom. This way I didn't have to turn my back on one to talk to the other. Mom looked at me, "What are you doing, Sebastian?"

"Feeding my hungry fans." The last time I'd posted was the ears. I captioned the picture, "When your mom's pool has this view what else do you need?"

I checked ten minutes later. Astonishing how many comments can be posted about my bare chest. At the top was one from Will, "A woman?"

Smart mouthed bastard of a friend. I showed Emma. She laughed, "And you have two."

I also had an idea. What could be a monumentally stupid idea. Emma looked at me, like she knew what I was thinking. "I want to send a picture of us to Will and have him post. Covering your face, but you're with me."

"Are you sure?"

I pulled my lips onto a light line and shook my head, "Nope, but I wanna do it anyway."

Mom kept reading her book, "I think it's a good idea. Different is good."

I glared at her. Guess who never liked how I handled previous girlfriends. I held out my phone, "You take it." It took several tries before mom was satisfied. Emma and I picked the same one and I sent it to Will and a text to call me. He did, almost immediately.

"Nice picture. You look pale."

"Ass." I laughed, "I want you to put something over her face and post it with a smart-ass comment."

"Are you sure?"

"Emma asked the same thing. No, I'm not, so do it quickly."

"You're incredibly lucky she puts up with you."

"No shit."

We hung up and a few minutes later Will posted the picture of us with a peach over Emma's face. He wrote, "I'm surprised he's not flipping me off."

I commented, "Check your texts, it’s there."

Will ~ Fallen off any cliffs lately?

Sebastian ~ Yesterday

Will ~ Finally. Glad to hear it.


	68. Chapter 68

~*~EMMA~*~

Spending the day with Sebastian's parents was relaxing. Dinner was delicious. My potato salad and lemon cupcakes were a big hit. Lying beside and cooling off in the pool made for a good day. Admittedly, Sebastian half-naked all day was a big plus. I'm sure he felt the same about my bikini.

I was surprised by Sebastian having Will post a picture of us. I'd meant what I said about him not being able to win when it comes to fans and girlfriends. From Will’s and his mother's reaction I took it, he was doing something different. From his part of the conversation, I knew it was outside of his comfort zone. If he was curious about fan reaction he didn't show. His phone stayed on the table untouched all day. He didn't pick it up until we were leaving.

Inside my car, I stared at him. He looked around then back to me. "What?"

I laughed, "Aren't you curious?"

"Yes." He looked at me with a smile, "Takes a couple of hours for them to burn themselves out. Better cross section of comments if I wait. Less likely to piss me off."

"If it's going to piss you off why'd you have him post it?"

Sebastian shrugged, "I don't know where the line is, my line is, between private and public. I'm not sure if I've kept relationships super private because I wanted to protect her from fans or protect myself."

Oh no, he wasn't leaving it there, "Protect yourself how?"

“If nobody knows I don't have to answer questions. From them or from her."

I cringed, "That's kinda shitty."

He spluttered, "I know.”

Definite commitment issues. I also think if he kept the relationship private he didn't have to see it, face his mistakes or loss. No one would know what happened, so he didn't have to answer what happened either.

"You're uncomfortably quiet."

I put my hand on his, "I imagine you’re not proud of somethings and are happy you've made changes. I'm glad I don't know that you."

"Ouch, but yeah. I'm glad you don't either." He picked up my hand and kissed it. "I'm trying to change the outside to match the inside."

"I got your back."

"Do you?"

I knew that was insecurity about this uncomfortable conversation and not questioning my sincerity. "I do."

At my house I crept up behind him, snaking my arms around to his stomach, "How about we open some wine, go out on the deck, and check it out together?"

"Sounds good." His voice and mood did not.

I pointed up the stairs, I’m going to get the iPad." When I came back Sebastian had the wine poured and was already outside and half a glass in. I sat in the chair beside him, setting up the iPad and hitting Olivia's number.

Sebastian sort of smiled, his worries weighing him down, "What are you doing?

"Utilizing my resources. Who better to consult about fandom shit than a teenager."

Olivia popped on screen and ignored me, "Hi Sebastian, how are you?"

"Nervous. How about you?"

"I’ve been watching the chaos you and my sister started."

I spoke up, "Is it bad?"

Livvie shook her head, "Not really. The chicks from brunch confirm pool girl is the same as brunch girl. Mix of excited and shocked you've met the parents. That means it's serious. They've matched the bikini to the mouse ears. They think Em sent them and the flowers because he must have some Disney news he's celebrating. Questions about how long you've been together. A few think since you've met his parents an engagement is coming.”

I choked on my wine with that last one. "Please tell me your joking?"

"It's a fringe idea. " She looked at both of us, "Either of you on Tumblr?"

Sebastian laughed, "Oh hell, no." I shook my head no.

"Ok, well the gossip sites are busy. They’re trying to figure out the timeline. They’re combing Seb’s friends’ feed looking for clues where Emma first came into the picture. That random guy's tweet about the Winter Soldier carrying off a girl on the beach is the earliest. You guys went on vacation, then the brunch in Soho, Seb to Canada, and now meeting the parents.”

Sebastian signed, "They'll find out more than you could imagine. Are the comments about Emma horrible?"

Oliva shrugged, "Same old shit." She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. She looked at me, talking into her hand, "Can I say shit in front of him?" Cursing wasn’t a no-no in the Vedder household, but not in public. Olivia didn’t know where to put Sebastian.

Sebastian was looking at me too, waiting for an answer. I rolled my eyes. "You can say shit in front of him."

"Some people don’t like polka dots." She shrugged, "Not enough about Emma to dig at. Mostly about you. They're suspicious about you letting there be a picture of you two out there. It's a mix of you're private or an asshole who won't claim his girlfriends. Everything in between."

Sebastian made a face before rubbing his hands over his face. "You're right. Same old shit."

While his face was hidden, I gave my little sister a look. She wasn't giving me anything to work with.

She quickly added, "Just as many defending you and posting pics with an ex. Hoping you're happy like you look in those. Saying Emma is lucky."

I winked at her, "Thank you, Livvie."

"Love you, sissy."

"Love you too." I disconnected the call and sat back.

Sebastian looked over. "Hope she doesn't show your dad old happy boyfriend pictures."

He grabbed his glass of wine, taking a sip and going quiet.

"Now you're being uncomfortably quiet."

He brought our joined hands to his mouth again, kissing mine again, and putting them back to rest on the armrests between us. This is him stalling again. "I am. "

I looked at him. Waiting.

"I thought it was you saying what I did was shitty because I don't like criticism, but that's not it. I don't like what I'm doing right now. I don't like what I'm feeling. It's like I'm backsliding. Celie told me when this happens, I need to talk to you about it, but I don't want to."

I kept hold of his hand and reached across myself to hold onto his bicep. I kissed his shoulder before laying my head against him. I was confident he knew he could talk to me. All I needed to do was sit with him while he fought it out with himself. This is the jumping off the cliff we’d talked about yesterday at lunch. It’s scary, but you do it and let the other catch you. I felt his mouth and nose against my head. Him breathing out and breathing me in.

When he lifted his head, I figured he was ready and I lifted my head to meet his eyes. He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine for a long kiss.

"I wanted to put a picture of us out there. I'm glad I did. I’m not comfortable, but that's ok. There's this jumble of feeling insecure, anxiety about me not really have changed, because if I've really grown I wouldn't feel insecure, and if I haven't then I'm going to fuck up everything. I'm afraid you're going to figure out you're too good for me because I'm afraid you are."

Something inside me tore. I could physically feel a ripping at the center of me. He is beautiful. He looks angry and sad and scared. It's all ugly, real, and so incredibly beautiful. I could reassure him, tell him why he's wrong, and I will, but right now he can it take it in.

"Why did Celie tell you to talk to me?"

Sebastian didn't even have to think about the answer. "She said I had to process my feelings with you because you were the only one who could help me make sense of them because they're about us. You can't completely work through relationship issues without being in a relationship. This is exactly what I do. I overthink. I question everything. I get anxious, scared, insecure. I hate it and hate myself for it. I shut down, shut whoever out, and push away instead of pushing through. Celie was saying I need to do the exact opposite of what I always do."

Which he just did.

I wanted to cheer. I wanted to tackle him and kiss him, but I didn't. I sat very still, kept eye contact, and forced my expression to stay blank. I watched his forehead and around his eyes pull in. His eyes shifted away, then back as he heard what he'd just said. His face relaxed as realization hit. Now that he'd gotten past feeling stuck where'd he'd always been and thinking nothing had changed we could talk about the rest.

I stood up, moving in front of him and kneeling on either side of his thighs. I only let go of his hand after I knew he could feel me sitting in his lap. Touch is grounding. I wasn’t going to let him drift away. I felt his hands low on my hips as I put mine high on his biceps.

"I'm so proud of you, Sebastian. You did something different even when you were afraid nothing had changed." I had to kiss him. What started strong started to feel desperate, so I pulled away. "When I stop being haunted by my ghosts, I'll judge you for yours."

"I don't see your ghosts. They’re not with us. Mine are."

I smiled, "I spent hours in the last week talking to you, Ed, and my therapist chasing away my ghosts." His head cocked when I said therapist. "I called Trevor when I got back. I needed objective. You and Ed aren't objective."

Sebastian tucked his hand under my hair to the back of my neck, "Not apologizing for lack of objectivity." His kiss was steadier this time.

"I'm not better than you. I'm the after."

His eyebrows went up, "You're the reward I get after years of therapy."

I shook my head slowly. "Maybe, but not what I meant." I kissed him just because he's so damn cute. "Before that summer I was a different person. You know me twelve years after I dealt with my shit. You're not twelve years after." I shook off his words before he could say them. "It has nothing to do with age. Alcoholics mark time after their last drink. Greif is measured by time after a loss. Growth and recovery are after the last trauma event. Big or small. I don't need support like I used to, but I still do. I needed you last weekend and I'm sure I will again. I'm not better than you, I just have more years of healing after." I could feel my heart racing. I was in no position to think myself better than anyone. I laughed, hoping it didn't sound as crazy as I felt, "Maybe I'm your reward for the shit you've dealt with and work you've done. Maybe you're mine. Maybe we’re here to help each other and maybe helping is what we need to know we’re ok too." I hoped that made sense. Help goes both ways.

He added, "You calling me, leaning on me, felt good."

I went back to where this started, "How's the anxiety, insecurity, and fear?"

Sebastian laid his head back, thinking. I waited until he came back. "Anxiety is always around. It's all in how I manage it. The other was feeling stuck in my old shit and you'd leave me because you're more together than me and will get tired of putting up will my shit. That’s better because I'm not stuck, I did this completely different. Part me, but definitely part you. You manage my emotions well."

I smiled with joy, my tongue between my teeth. "Bastian, you managed your emotions well. You struggled through. I just sat with you. I managed your emotions because they’re beautiful and I love you more for the experience.”

"I love you more for accepting my struggling and being crazy enough to find my flaws and emotional instability endearing."

“Everyone is flawed and emotionally unstable. You’re just willing to admit it.”

He kissed me softly, with the slightest touch of tongue, and held me tight "I will never ask, Emma."

I wasn't sure he'd caught my reaction to saying "that summer" instead of "rehab". Apparently, he had. I was certain he could feel the tension in my response to his words. So, it was time for me to break an old pattern, I kept my fingers in his hair, needing the closeness, "That was a slip."

"I know. I want you to know I will never ask."

"I don't slip, Bastian." I frowned, unhappy with this but willing to follow his example by giving it voice. "I was so involved in making you ok I slipped and said after that summer instead of after rehab."

He repeated, "I will never ask, but I will listen."

The tables had turned where I was the one feeling insecure and scared. I laid my head on his shoulder. "I don't know if I can ever fill in the holes in that summer. Too much judgment."

"I won’t judge you."

"I judge myself." I sat back, biting my lip. "Admitting there's a story to tell is …” I shook my head, “It doesn’t happen."

"Then thank you for trusting me."

"You may regret that."

"I doubt it."


	69. Chapter 69

~*~Sebastian~*~

Emma is not the first woman to learn to say I love you in Romanian. She is the first one to learn it so I'd hear it attached to my name. Until she asked me the question, I had no idea I had a preference or how much having someone put in the effort for me to hear it would mean to me.

I want to stay like we are right now. The feel of her in my lap, pressed against, and holding on to me is the most relaxing and comforting feeling. I thought Celie was crazy when she had wished Emma was with me after our last session. Now, I understand. Emma waiting for me to do the thing that trips me up, knowing it, and her expression when I realized I'd done it. As Celie had said, the comfort and acceptance were more than I could imagine. I don’t know what could be better.

I'd immediately caught Emma saying "that summer" instead of "rehab." I knew from what Eli had said, and what Emma hadn't, that there was more than she was saying. Her slip was good. She was trusting me. Her lack of trust had no more to do with me than me not wanting to admit my fear had to with her. All either of us could do was to be a safe place for the other to grow. I've heard about this safe place but never been there before.

I didn't want to pretend I hadn't noticed her slip. That would have both of us lying. I did want her to know I was going to leave it alone. I believe if and when it's something I need to know, she'll tell me. My Emma does not hide from difficult conversations.

Little did I know we were about to have another one.

Emma started a trail of kisses on my neck and wound up at my mouth. After a very nice kiss, she sat back. I dropped my hands to her hips, waiting for whatever was coming. "Since your fans have decided you’re about to propose, we should discuss."

I laughed. For many reasons. I should have known from the way she'd reacted and her apparent inability not to not talk about things that this conversation was coming. This conversation being the last one I wanted to have. Ever. My laughter might have been more psychotic than humor. "Were your kisses to distract your commitment phobic boyfriend from having a panic attack?"

"Are you?"

"Having a panic attack? Not yet."

She shook her head, "Commitment phobic."

Yes, definitely. Maybe? I shrugged, "Fuck if I know." I hadn't thought about my impending proposal since Olivia had mentioned it. Very unlike me, but I'm getting used to these surprises.

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Have a panic attack?"

"Propose."

I closed my eyes, shook my head, and laughed again. The reason is unclear. I really should be having a panic attack. I'm not even close. Also, not even close to proposing. Possibly verging on psychotic that I’m allowing this conversation.

Emma ignored me. "Marriage has never been a goal for me. I'm not against it, but I'm not sold on the whole premise. My parents have a more business like marriage."

I was surprised, "They don't love each other?"

"I don't know. They may love each other but I don't think they’re in love. They're very tangled together personally and professionally. If I have to pretend I'm unhappy so Amy doesn't relapse they have to avoid divorce. It's not like I don't have good role models for marriage. Ed and Jill are still crazy in love. They were together ten years and Harper was two before Ed proposed. I don't know why they decided to do it." She paused and looked lost, like my question had interrupted her train of thought. I saw when she found her place. "What I was saying... if it was important to my partner, that's different. It's not something I need. It makes sense for health insurance or tax purposes. Otherwise," she shrugged, "not so much. Vows and paperwork don't guarantee anything or give me what I want."

Emma is still in my lap. My hands are still on her hips. Hers have moved down low on my biceps. We are still close. I am still present in this conversation and not starting a fight or trying to get out of it. Instead, I'm going to ask a question to which I care about the answer. "What do you want?"

"Nothing that will surprise you." Emma smiled and laid her fingers over the spot on my side. She didn't even have to look down to find it. "I want words whispered in the dark after making love, glances across a room, whole conversations without speaking, voices so loud the neighbors complain because of fighting so hard to make it right." She frowned and shook her head. "Paperwork and a ceremony won't give me that."

"No, it won't." I said very calmly. Emma laid her head back on my shoulder and I ran my fingers along her back and in her hair. "Do you want my opinion on my impending proposal?"

"No." Emma laughed, sat back, put her hands on my face, and kissed me. "You're not sure if you're freaking out about the conversation or because you're not freaking out. I don’t think you’re sure what your opinion is."

She wasn't wrong. "I'm ok with not knowing. Are you?"

"Do you love me?" The corner of her mouth started to curve.

So did mine, "Yes"

"That's all I need you to know."

I full-on smiled, "Then I got you covered."

She moved her hands around in between us and on my stomach, "This whole conversation was to eliminate expectation and pressure."

Yet again she both works around and through my shit. My lips were a tight line as I shook my head and slid my hand under and into her hair, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Oh, I bet you have some ideas."

"Only about a hundred." I pulled her closer, bringing her to my open mouth. The taste of her, the soft touch of her tongue against mine, the warmth of her mouth made everything alright, but there was nothing wrong. Nothing at all wrong.

Emma's fingers were in my hair when she moved back to meet my eyes, "What do you need, Sebastian?"

"Nothing I don't have in my lap."

I absolutely hate the split second of thought that she's playing me. She's not. I don't think she is. The thought came and went. She wouldn’t. I have no doubts.

Her arms went around my neck and she nuzzled against my ear, "It's ok if you wonder if I’m lying to make you feel safe and then trap you. Because you know better.”

I moved away and glared at her. "How do you do that? Are you a witch?"

"Absolutely. Every Friday before the last full moon I did a seeking spell."

"Don't you mean a love spell?"

"No. Didn't you see The Craft? Love spells don’t work the way people think they do." She gasped, "Or was it The Covenant? Wait, you're the witch."

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife." Given the rest of this conversation, the Princess Bride quote seemed appropriate. We both started laughing. I love laughing.

I don't know when the right time to talk about shit is, but I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be having this conversation if not for fan comments. There’s more coming. I'm going to get it all out there. Might be too much, but fuck it. "Next up is wondering if you're pregnant."

Emma cringed, "I'm not."

"We're not engaged either. Reality is irrelevant. Let’s just get this out of the way. I love kids. I love how excited they get, how real everything is, the questions and how they take things in. They're like people. Only better." Emma smiled and nodded. "There's a lot of baggage around having kids, from me being one, but I do want kids. Plural."

"Me too."

I gave her a questioning look. I wasn't sure exactly what she was agreeing to.

"I want kids, plural, and also have baggage."

"Excellent, We're even." She nodded and gave me a thumbs up. We were going from serious conversation to play. I laughed and gently punched her shoulder, “Glad we had this little talk.”

Emma grabbed my face with one hand, squeezed my cheeks, “I was only addressing the engagement rumor. You went for babies.”

“I said I love you first.”

“I told you I was falling in love with you the night we kissed.”

The way she kept a straight face was incredible. I screwed up my face and held up a finger, “One, you never used the word love.” I put up another finger, “Two, it might have been the same night, but we were way past kissing. I distinctly remember being naked, satisfied, and tired.”

“It was still the night we kissed.”

I looked up and moved my head around, “Technically.”

Emma puffed out a breath, narrowing her eyes, “Fine, you win.”

“Oh, I think we’ve both won.” I kissed her, but backed away quickly. “Actually there is something I need.”

“What’s that?”

Her fingers in my hair threatened to derail my train of thought. “I need to meditate.” It occurred to me this might be bad timing. “Nothing to do with the last half hour. I just usually meditate. I can start to tell when I haven’t.” Again, with the foot in my mouth. “Not that I’m feeling it.” I growled, “Let me try again. Meditation is something I do to keep myself level. If I don’t meditate for a couple of days I start to notice. I usually meditate sometime right before and after I see you. We’re going to be together for over a week. I need to meditate sometime. I know you don’t care if I do. It’s just not something that’s been part of us.” There was an equivalent for her. “Like you don’t practice guitar while I’m around.”

“That’s my zen. I have too much of a monkey mind to sit in silence. I don’t understand what focus on your breath means. Am I counting, noticing the in and out of my stomach, noticing the air passing through my nose? I get too focused on if I’m doing it right. I love a good guided meditation. I need something to focus on.”

She’s very cute. “How about this. I meditate. You do a guided meditation or read or whatever. Then you practice and I’ll watch.”

“You want me to sit with you?”

I nodded, “I do. Not always.” I ran my hands up her back. “You feel good. I want you near.” She stood up and took my hand. I started to smile, “I should warn you. I think I’m going to be pretty turned on after guitar practice.”

“There’s a bonus.”

It took a little while for me to focus and let my thoughts go. Despite the seriousness of our conversation, there'd been a lot of fun too. The only thing left hanging was my opinion on marriage. My opinion is pretty close to hers. It's tangled up with wanting kids and I didn't want to go into everything. There's nothing I have a problem with her knowing, but we're not there yet. And frankly, I'd had enough. I’d put us out there and had a conversation about marriage and kids. Two out of the three I’d brought up and the other was a consequence of the picture. Historically I don't do any of those, at least without a lot of kicking and screaming. Emma had said she was proud of me. I was proud of myself too. I wasn't feeling overwhelmed, and saying enough assured that. We'd covered a lot of ground, both of us, and both were not ready to go into what I'm sure is our darkest places.

Meditating was ninety percent maintenance and ten percent current. The current was trying not to overthink, to let the conversation and feelings be what they were. They were good. I wanted Emma to sit with me because whether it's real or in my mind I can feel her. The comfort and acceptance, I need, no, I want to keep beside me.

My timer went off and I took a few deep breaths before opening my eyes. Emma was right where I left her, sitting on the couch behind me sitting on the floor. She was scrolling through something on her phone, putting it down when I turned around and crawled over her. I knelt between her legs and held her face while I kissed her, "Thank you."

Her hands held me right behind my armpits, "Anytime."

"Where's your guitar?"

"Guest room."

I jerked a little, "I've never been in that room." I stood up, taking her hand, and heading up the stairs. "Do you play something specifically for practice or just play?"

"I have some specific warm-up things then just play. I have an app that holds music and switch to learning something new after I’ve had some fun. I've usually got a few things I’m working on."

We entered the room and Emma clicked on the light. I got past the entryway and gasped when I looked around. The gasp turned to a laugh, "First thought was where did you get all these Pearl Jam posters?"

Emma smiled, "There is a storage unit with all the merch. I go shopping." She led me to the corner, "Acoustic and electric. What do you want to hear?"

"Weeks ago was acoustic. Electric ok?"

"Yep!" She picked up the blue guitar and checked the plugs before turning it on. "I need to warm up my fingers then you can look through, pick out whatever you want. Can't promise it will be good but I'll learn it."

"Can we take a guitar to my place? Continue the meditate and practice thing."

"Let’s make sure you’re not bored to tears first"

I grabbed her for a kiss, “I won’t be."

Being close while Emma warmed up I am sure I can not play guitar. Each hand doing something different, but with perfect timing. I don't have that coordination of fine motor skills. Gross motor is my thing. I can quickly learn a fight scene or something physical. I walked around for weeks playing with that knife to get my fingers to cooperate. After about five minutes she was ready to play something real.

There was a large screen iPad attached to a stand and pedal. Emma opened the program and showed me how she had things organized. I went to her file of "Favorites" and picked one.

After the second, I asked," You don't sing while you play?" She wasn’t, but I knew she could.

"Not usually. I'm working on technique and getting the music right. I do for fun and sometimes singing along makes my fingers work better. Plus, my guitar playing is much better than my singing. I'm good at guitar but only a passable singer."

I did exactly what I expect from her when talking about my performance. I told the truth. "I think you're better than passable. You're not Adele, but I enjoy listening to you."

Her expression said she was amused. "Let me practice some more, then I’ll do something for you."

I winced and closed my eyes, "So turned on."

I picked a few more from her favorites and the file of things she knew. She took over choosing from the "working" folder. I liked watching her repeating sections to get them right, her frustration when she stumbled, and her satisfaction when she got it. She worked through sections before going back to play through. After working through a few songs she put the electric guitar down and picked up the acoustic. "Requests?"

"You pick. There's not a folder for things you can sing along to."

"This is true." Emma immediately started playing. I recognized "Stay" by Lisa Loeb and smiled. The smile stayed in place until she ended the impromptu concert with the INXS song from the party. Not sure if she was finished, but I was.

I crooked my finger, "Come here." Emma put her guitar on the stand and walked over, standing between my legs with her arms resting on my shoulders. I ran my hands up her thighs, over her hips, and lifted her shirt enough to kiss her stomach, "It's been too long since I've been inside you."

"Are you having withdrawal symptoms?"

"Definitely."

She reached between my legs, her grip tight, "This is a problem. Are you in pain?"

I hissed in a breath with her stroking me, "If I say yes will you kiss it and make it better?"

"Absolutely." Emma let go of my cock, moved her hand under my chin to turn my face up, and kissed me. It was a slow kiss with a quick swipe of tongue. Enough to have me wanting more. I always want more. Her fingers ran over my beard as she pulled away. "Stay here. Take off your pants. I’ll be right back."

Her shirt came flying at me from the hall while I was taking off my shorts. She was back in under thirty seconds, naked, and holding a strip of condoms. Those were dropped on the bed as she knelt where she had been standing. "Let's see what I can do to help you out?"

I leaned back on my hands, watching. Emma’s right hand held me at the root, holding my cock steady, while she licked me. Little licks where I liked best and long licks up my length. I liked the tease. I liked watching her tongue against my skin as my brain registered the soft, warm, wetness. She went lower to give my balls the same attention. I dropped my head back with her gentle sucking and her hand running along my length. Her free hand went up my chest and to my face. I turned my head and sucked her thumb into my mouth, using my tongue to circle her thumb like she had the head of my cock. Emma took the hint and moved her mouth back to my cock, sliding her mouth down until I felt the head of my cock contact the back of her throat. She swallowed around me, creating an amazing grip on sensitive spots.

"Love when you do that. When you're trying to swallow me."

Emma backed up, running her tongue around my head a few times before taking me deep again. I pulled my shirt over my head and laid back on my elbows on the bed. I wanted to keep watching until I was inside her. I tore open a condom and handed it to her. I was treated to watching her put it on me with her mouth. "Didn't know you could do that."

Emma kissed my hip before placing a sucking kiss on my side that wrenched a moan from me. "What fun would it be if you knew all my tricks at once."

She had a point. "Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue too?"

Emma laughed and paused her ascent up my torso. "I was a little sister in a fraternity. What do you think?"

"I think I'm buying you an Amaretto Sour." Stupid bar trick, but still fun, because I know what her tongue can do.

My eyes drifted shut and I took in the feeling of her mouth and hands. Her fingers were all over, which was a nice contrast to the directness of her kisses. As she crept higher, I laid my head to the side, smiling with the first touch of her lips to my neck. I shivered at the contact.

I was being the world's laziest lover. My hands were barely even touching her. She just felt so good. The sucking, the kisses, the touching, all lighting up my nerves. I put a little effort in when her mouth met mine. However, she was quickly gone and on to the other side of my neck. Emma ran her tongue around the shell of my ear. I hoped my moan sounded appreciative.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Sebastian?"

Hello!

My eyes popped open, "I think I would like that very much." Silencing me with a kiss, I felt Emma's hand around me again. She pushed up, leaving a hand in the middle of my chest, and sank down on my cock. Emma's eyes drifted closed with a moan turned sigh, "Such a good fit."

I couldn't disagree, "Yeah." She moved along my length, switching up the movement of her hips and tightening her inner muscles. She looked as good as she felt, pleasure written on her face.

I continued my speaking only participation. "Feels good, baby."

Emma laid over to kiss me and I ran my hands up her thighs to grab her ass. She sat back up and continued riding me.

"Touch yourself for me."

There's a sight. Without question she did as I asked, her fingers going between her legs and moving against her clit. Her rhythm on my cock didn't change. Fuck, I liked watching her getting us both off.

Emma reached further back, her fingers on my cock as it entered her, "Who's going to come first?"

"I'd like that to be you."

"Would you?"

I smiled. Slow and dirty. "I wanna feel it."

She ground down on me and focused on herself, barely pulsing her hips "You want to feel me tighten up and come all around your cock?"

"That's exactly what I want. To be buried deep inside you when you come. I want to watch too."

"Let me help you out." She put a hand behind her, between my legs, and leaned back.

I did enjoy the view. I grabbed a pillow and shoved it behind my head, raising my head up enough to see better. I could see my cook, slick with her where I entered her body, and where her fingers were rubbing. Her eyes were closed and her body moved in waves. She needed to come quick or I would.

"Bastian, gonna come."

"Oh, thank god." I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Emma looked at me and started to laugh, but was stopped by her orgasm. Her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth dropped open, and her body stopped moving. I felt her tighten around me, each pulse pushing me closer to my own release. The hand between her legs moved to my chest to support herself as she lowered herself to kiss me. I wanted to suck the taste of her off her fingers. I stretched up as she pulled away.

She whispered, "Your turn."

Unexpectedly she pulled off my cook and went back to kneeling by the bed. She replaced the condom with her mouth. "Fuck, Emma." She worked me fast. Going from the all over feeling inside her to the concentrated feel of her tongue right where I needed it. Felt so good and I held on for as long as I could. Emma took me deep and I cried out for her as I came.

Emma's fingernails raking down my inner thigh sent a shiver of aftershock through me. She kissed below my belly button, "Feel better?"

"I was feeling good before, but sure." I stretched my arms out to the sides and arched my back with a shit eating grin on my face.

Emma gasped and propelled herself up my body, landing on me with an “Oof.”

I laughed, “That was a wrong answer?” I flipped us over, trapping her on the bed.

She laughed and tried to push me off. “Where was all this energy fifteen minutes ago?”

I pinned her hands, “I was conserving.”

“Liar.”

I kissed her, “Yes.” I kissed her again, deeper. She wasn’t fighting me anymore. Not that she ever was. “I liked being lazy.”

“When I tie you to the bed and do wicked things to you I’m also gagging you so you can’t make your wants known.”

“Na, you like hearing me moan too much.” I nudged her face to the side and kissed her neck. Once softly. The second time longer with my mouth open and tongue making nonsense patterns. I let go of her hands because I wanted them on me. One went to my back and the other went into my hair. Perfect. I moved further down the slope of her neck, knowing I was in the right place when her grip tightened. Her nails dug into my back and she pulled my hair just a little.

“Mmm, I do enjoy that.”

“Come on.” I pushed away from her, standing up and taking her hand, “I need more room to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure the pull up video impregnated me.


	70. Chapter 70

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian was right. I did like hearing him moan too much. Such a deep, breathy, needy sound. I’m not sure he realized he was making the same sounds as I played guitar. Not as frequent, but still. Seemed only right I should finish what I started. Plus, he’d had a rough day.

I’d gone back to the proposal thing partly to let him off the hook, but more because I didn’t want that to happen. On our second anniversary, I was terrified Jimmy was going to ask me to marry him. My girlfriends had convinced me it was coming. Two years is the time, they said. Thank fuck they were wrong. I didn’t have a problem talking about it and Sebastian had seemed to handle it fine, but I knew the possibility of freaking out was there. Still was. A blow job and a lazy fuck would get his mind in a different place.

After our romp in the guest room, Sebastian pulled me into my bedroom and pushed me on the bed. His smile was lethal as he came for me, kissing from side to side up my body, before laying his very naked body on mine and taking over my mouth. A very long and thorough kiss later he kissed my nose, “Let’s start over at the beginning.”

Over at the beginning meant an extended period of making out, foreplay, him going down on me until I came (twice), and then some very un-lazy intercourse. All followed by collapsing in a sweaty heap. Good times.

Sebastian scooted closer and pushed me to my side where he could wrap around me. A couple of well-placed kisses on the back of my neck had me smiling and making satisfied sounds. I held onto the arms around me and turned my head enough to see him. “I love you.”

“I know you do.” He kissed me as softly as we were speaking. “I love you.”

I smiled, “I know you do.”

“What do you want to do Monday? We should do something.”

I knew exactly what he was talking about. I put my hand on his face and squirmed to turn where we were facing. “We should go on a date. A first date.” A first date to commemorate a month since our first date.

He smiled, “A movie.”

“Something scary so I can hide my face against your chest.” We both laughed, “Gelato after, that place we passed a couple of weeks ago.”

“Pizza before.”

“Sounds perfect.” We kissed and stayed close, breathing and being quiet.

Sebastian took a deep breath and fought a yawn, “Sorry.”

“Please.” We rearranged again and I laid my head on his shoulder, his fingers trailing along my side. “If you want to go for a run or anything before I get up there’s an extra set of keys in the entry table.” This was completely prepping for if our talk resulted in an overnight panic attack. “Wake me up if you want.”

His fingers never stopped moving, “What’s your alarm code?”

“Same as my car code.” I tilted my face up to see him. His blue eyes were drowning me. The soft look, the slight smile. I reached to play in his beard. His smile grew and mine matched it, “Whatever you need, Bastian.”

He shook his head slightly, “Just you.”

I woke up before Sebastian. I propped my head on my hand to watch him sleep. He was on his back with one arm stretched to the side and one on his stomach. The sheet covered midway up his chest. He'd gotten a little sun at his mom's yesterday on his chest and shoulders. I was excited about our beach vacation. Lay on the beach, lay by the pool, play in the pool, play in the ocean, maybe dinner on a yacht at sunset.His face showed no sign of tension and worry. I think what I’m seeing is peaceful relaxation. His cheeks were relaxed, his lips barely parted, and his eyes were twitching behind his eyelids. He was in REM sleep. Dreaming. Lying like this he looked beautiful. I wanted to run my fingers over the indentation of muscles. I wanted to put my lips to his eyelashes to feel their twitch against my lips. Run my fingertips over his shaven cheek, stroke through his beard, run a finger over his pink lips. And when he started to wake I wanted to kiss him. I wanted his first memory of the day, even before he opened his eyes, to be me kissing him.

I didn’t touch. Just watched. The eye movements increased and his face started twitching. Definitely dreaming. A few minutes later I felt like the dream wasn't a pleasant one. I carefully laid my palm on the smooth part of his cheek, barely touching skin, letting my fingertips touch the twitches. As they settled, I applied more pressure, his beard against my palm, using my thumb to caress bare skin on the line of his beard, the contrast felt good against my thumb. Whatever the dream, my touch had calmed it. Sebastian's eyes fluttered enough for me to see the blue. I moved where he could see my eyes too.

His lids lifted for a second and he licked his lips. I crept closer and pressed my awake lips to his sleeping ones. "Good morning, my love."

"Morning." Sebastian closed his eyes again and smiled. "Do that again."

I moved over him, pausing long enough for the arm on his stomach to move around me, before pressing my naked chest to his naked chest. I kissed to the right of his lips, "Good," kiss to the left, "morning," and a solid kiss to his lips, "my love."

I felt the slightest touch of his tongue, "Love waking up with you."

His fingers trailing down my spine made me shiver, "It is nice." My accent came out strong.

Sebastian laughed, "My southern belle." He put his hand on my face. "I love when it sneaks out."

"Just ask and I can conjure up a lovely accent for a weekend or so. If that would make you happy." I laid it on thick.

Sebastian squirmed happily, "Very dangerous."

"Why?" Holding on to the accent.

He shrugged, "I love southern accents. All that time shooting in Atlanta and Savannah was pleasantly painful."

"Did you get in trouble?"

"I tried. Wasn't greatly successful."

“I imagine my southern sisters were uncertain what to do with you. You're very pretty. They'd play with you, but how’s your game?"

He chuckled, "Hit or miss."

"We'll have to go south and see if you can pick me up."

"I like either of those ideas." He kissed me long, "We need to make a list."

"We can do it on the train."

I kissed him again, "Do you want breakfast before we get the train?" We didn't have a solid plan.

Sebastian shook his head, "Not super hungry right now. Just get some coffee and yogurt. You hungry?"

"Not really. Angie and I are going shopping then grabbing lunch." Sebastian had said he needed to work and I hadn't had a day with my best friend in a long time. "I'm guessing doors are at seven. It's at Bowery Ballroom, did I say that?"

"Nope. I was just going to follow you. We can walk."

I raised my eyebrows and shook my head slowly, "Not with the heels I'm wearing tonight."

Sebastian pursed his lips, "That sounds fun."

We showered and I left my hair in a towel until we were ready to go. I was stressing myself with what to pack until I remembered today was shopping. My plan was the black dress I didn't wear to dinner last time, but that could change today. Now, I was really excited.

Thankfully early morning Saturday on the metro north train wasn't busy. My guitar wasn't rush hour friendly. We tucked ourselves at the end with our backs to the rest of the car. Sebastian had easily put our stuff in the overhead bin and I found his lack of struggle sexy as hell. When he sat down, I wrapped around his bicep, "You are so hot."

He cocked his head, looking at me with a smirk, "What did I do? Mostly so I can do it again."

I kissed him chastely, "You put our bags up like they weighed nothing. The way your shirt crept up to show off your stomach. Mmmm."

"Keep being so easily impressed."

"You got it, baby." Thinking of luggage had a question pop up. "Does your building have parking?"

"Yes. My apartment has a spot. Can't remember where." He looked over, "We could have driven."

"Windows open, music turned up, singing loud."

"I'll have to find where it is. Mini road trip would be fun."

"Lots of crazy conversations on a road trip."

"And you peeing on the side of the road."

I glared at him, "You can't forget that for me?"

He shrugged, "Sounds like too much fun. We should take off and drive somewhere. Maine in the fall. Montreal, Toronto. Go to LA and drive up to Seattle."

I pulled out my phone, "We need to make that list" I went into my notes program, opened a new notebook titled “Sebastian”, and started a to do list.

Sebastian looked over my shoulder, "First was blindfolding and tying me to the bed. You want a massage with a happy ending. There were plans to wake each other up with various kinds of sex. A weekend with a very southern accent. Me trying to pick you up. Now a road trip. Beach vacation. We should call Will and Alissa, get together a plan while you’re home with me."

“Sounds good."

Sebastian took my hand to his mouth “Will you tell me what happened Tuesday?"

I had to think back to Tuesday. It seemed a very long time ago. A lot had happened since them. All good.

I smiled and took a deep breath, "Sure.” Most of what mom and I had talked about Sebastian already knew. I just filled in mom's side of the confrontation. "Her "but Amy" when I said she'd hurt me..." I trailed off and waved a hand in front of us. I didn’t know what to say.

Sebastian caught my hand, "That had to have hurt." His face showed a mix of sad and angry.

"Yes." I nodded, "More angry when she said it didn't take anything from me to watch what I say in front of Amy. She missed the whole point, and for real, it does take away from me to pretend I'm not happy. Over time what hell would that do to my self-esteem? If you act like your unimportant you start believing it. My father thinking I'd ever come back and live like that."

He snorted, "Bad idea."

"Very. I told her it wouldn't affect me because I wouldn't let it. Mom thought she'd won and we moved on. As soon as I was off the plane, I called Trevor." I smiled, "He was proud of me. I needed the validation that I wasn't overreacting or being a brat. He reminded me this wasn't really new for them and asked what had changed with me." I leaned closes to kiss him. "Wasn't a hard question. It's you."

"Me?" His smirk said he was enjoying my answer.

"Pretending I'm not happy and in love is my line. I'm not willing to hold that in." I kissed him again. "It's not right they ask me to. They should be happy that I have someone who makes me happy."

Sebastian's expression changed again. This time his eyes brightened and his features softened, "You make me happy too." The back of his fingers caressed my cheek. "Very happy."

If I wasn't already in love with him the way he was looking at me now would do it.

"What do you mean she thought she'd won?"

"The way she smiled she thought I was agreeing with what they wanted me to do. I’d muzzle myself forever because they were afraid for Amy. I’m afraid for Amy too, and I’m not a bitch, but I matter too."

“Refusing to sacrifice yourself for someone who’s not in trouble doesn’t make you a bitch.” He shrugged and I could tell he was weighing his words. “Your mom asking you to does kinda make her one. Sorry.”

I shook my head, “Nothing to be sorry about.”

He smiled, "What does it mean that you won’t let it affect you?"

He's a smart man. I shrugged, "I'm not completely sure. Right now I go back to Alpharetta a couple of times a year. I used to spend two weeks near the end of summer, but I dreaded it, so I started going first to get it over with. Now it’s less than a week. Maybe spring break. As soon as school lets out for winter break I head down and leave for Hawaii Christmas day. I don't think I’m doing that anymore."

He turned his head to the side and looked worried, "What are you going to do?"

“I’ve never not woken up in my parent’s house Christmas morning. Jimmy’s family celebrated Christmas eve so that was never a conflict. I want to spend my holiday with people who want to be with me. Really be with me and let me be happy. I’ll probably go to Hawaii early. I haven’t given it a lot of thought outside of the stink it’s going to create.” I laughed a little.

“I imagine it will.” He laughed then went serious, “You are welcome wherever I am.”

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem.”

“Are you going to Hawaii with me?”

His smile was back, “Just book my flight with yours.”

“What do you do for Christmas?”

“Depends. I’m not a big Christmas person. Sometimes with mom, sometimes with friends. It’s a little early for making plans.”

“A little.” We’d known each other a month and it wasn’t even July. There’d been no reason to talk about this.

Sebastian let go of my hand, put his arm around me, and kissed my head. “I sense you are a big Christmas person.”

“I love Christmas. I love decorations, presents, baking cookies, snow. Not until after Thanksgiving though. I get very excited.” Putting up the tree and setting out my obscene number of snowmen was fun.

“I think we’ll do whatever you want this Christmas. It matters more to you. And if you decide to go to your parent’s house, I’ll follow you there too. Make sure they see exactly how happy you are.”

“You’re the sweetest.” I held my thumb and forefinger an inch apart, “And a little bit petty.”

“More than a little.”


	71. Chapter 71

~*~Emma~*~

For the rest of the trip, we relaxed listening to music. Before Sebastian had asked, I’d not thought too much about what I was going to do. Further limiting my time was a given, but I hadn’t thought about what that would look like. Talking about not waking up at “home” with my mom, dad, twin sister, and niece should have bothered me more than it did. That it didn’t, tells me it’s the right decision. One of the side effects of putting up with shit too long is once you decide to stop it’s not that big of a deal. Something inside has been moving in that direction for some time. What Sebastian had said about not sacrificing myself was on target. That I would do what it takes to take care of my sister isn’t in question. It’s been proven.

I texted Angie from the Uber to Sebastian's apartment. We were going to start up at Chelsea and Union Square with Aritzia, Anthropologie, and Free People. Those were sure thing stores, but not always original. We'd weave our way through Chelsea and into Soho. That shop Seb and I found would be last. We'd stop for lunch when we got hungry.

Angie hopped on the subway and headed to Union Square. It would take her thirty minutes and me fifteen from Sebastian’s place. Plenty of time to relax and watch Sebastian gather what he needed to work on. I saw a script, notebook, and a couple of real books. I think I'd find it fascinating to watch his process, but more importantly this time I wanted him to know I had friends and could amuse myself. I didn't care that he needed work time and I wasn’t going to need something from him for ignoring me. Doing things independent of your partner was important.

I grabbed a bottle of water for my journey and made my way to where Sebastian sat. He moved the items in his lap, making room for me to sit down. He supported my back and rubbed along my leg. "What are you shopping for?"

"Whatever I find." I smiled sneakily, "Especially if find something for Paris, our first date, and our live music fun tonight."

Sebastian’s hand made it to my ass, "When I think of live music I picture short, revealing, sexy."

"I love how you think." I ran my fingers through his hair. "Can I bother you for five minutes?"

"Sure" His eyes held questions.

I pulled his head closer, pressing my lips to his until he caught on and joined in the fun.

Our little mini make out session was going to make me late. Assuming Angie left as soon as we texted, walked straight onto a train, and there were no delays. None of these were likely. She'd forgive my lateness anyway. I looped my crossbody bag over my head, "I'll text if it's anything other than seven."

"Ok." He ran toward the kitchen. "Hang on." I heard a drawer slam before he reversed direction and came back. Sebastian held up a key, the slightest smile appearing on his face, "In case I'm in the shower or something when you come back. You remember the code?"

"Yes." I'd punched it in when we got here less than half an hour ago. He was nervous. I admit I had to focus to keep my hand steady as I took his offering. "I love you."

Sebastian opened the door and gave me a quick kiss as I walked out. "Love you, too."

I was a couple of steps away when I heard my name.

"Emma, put it on your key ring so you don't lose it."

The door closed before I could reply. I guess that eliminates any question if the key was a temporary just in case he was in the shower today sort of thing. What made me smile the most was the lack of conversation. If he'd overthought the decision, he didn't feel the need to talk it through. No discussion about what it meant or didn't mean. He may have been nervous, but he wasn't uncomfortable. I seriously doubt he's in the habit of giving out keys to his place, so nervous but not uncomfortable was good.

Angie was leaning against the building when I walked up. We hugged like we hadn't seen each other in months. "Sorry, I’m late."

"Were you having sex? I'll forgive you if you were having sex."

I grimaced with a shake of my head, "Making out."

My best friend huffed out a breath, "Close enough." She held the door open for me, "I got here like two minutes ago."

Aritzia, Anthropologie, and Free People were right in a line. We'd hit them in my favorite order. Aritizia was more comfort clothes for me. Their clothes were more staples than fun. But today I found a gorgeous Sicily sweater and cardigan in a soft heathered cashmere. A pair of tie front pants in purple plaid would look awesome for wandering museums. Anthropologie gifted me with a sequined tunic dress for a night out. A simple black midi dress, a grey-blue fringed and a textured cardi, and a long black wrap jacket. Free People had a colorful mini dress, a definite statement Hyacinth dress, and a fun floral dress. Assorted other things went into my bags too. I went a little crazy, but in my defense, I hadn’t been shopping in a long time and my best friend was egging me on. Plus, there was someone to appreciate what I wore. I had all sorts of cute clothes, but dressing for a boyfriend was different. Especially one who liked to look. I knew what he liked and indulged.

Conversation while we shopped was mostly about the shopping. It's good to have a friend who'll not only tell you something makes your ass look fat but also say, "You look amazing but where the fuck are you gonna wear that more than once?" Part of the fun was trying on horrifying things. Those things you don't understand how they were ever made. We'd mix those in with good stuff and laugh until we cried. We had a long-standing tradition that whoever found the most "exquisite" outfit was treated to lunch. We were pretty even and had pictures for documentation. Today I would be buying lunch.

"We’ve got a table at two. Alissa's going to meet us."

"That'll be fun. Are she and Will coming tonight?"

"I don't think so. They've got a family thing."

I nodded and we headed toward Chelsea, stopping at the Guitar Store for strings and a capo. We had plenty of time so we stopped anywhere else that caught our eyes. Walking was more private and so was our conversation.

"Anything I should know about before I see you tonight with your boyfriend?"

I sighed in relief. Finally. I bumped her hip with mine, "I love him."

Angie put her arm around me, "This is not news, Emma."

We shared a laugh. "I wasn't sure until I was in the cab leaving his place. Georgia solidified it. Sebastian was so good talking me through all their shit. He and Eli have more in common now. They both hate my parents."

"Eli doesn't hate your parents."

I pulled away, looking at her with raised eyebrows and clear disbelief written on my face. "Try again."

Angie spoke through our laughter, "Eli tries not to, but they make it truly hard. I think he'd be more forgiving if you didn't have us and your Seattle family. Eli loves you like a little sister, best friend, and some weird second wife he's never fucked. He’s protective. He and Sebastian are going to have to figure out how to share."

"They'll arm wrestle or something. Then maybe you'll become Sebastian’s little sister, friend, and second girlfriend. Ooo, we could use you to confuse the fans. If we're out and get seen we can trade off and kiss each other’s dates. Set up a different narrative."

"Good idea.

“It'll be more fun for you. I have kissed Eli, but you don't know about Seb."

"I doubt anything will become so severe that making out with Sebastian is the answer." She smiled, "Not that I would mind."

"You would not mind. He's one hell of a good kisser."

She backtracked, "Who said it first? How did it happen."

"He surprised me showing up early from Canada, watched me cleaning up my classroom for a minute, then told me the song I was dancing along to was about sex. I turned around and he had on those ears. He looked so adorable. He looked at me with his mouth and eyes open wide and said, “Fuck, I love you."

Angie slapped her hand on her chest, "He didn't know until right them." She gasped, "He came in wearing those ears to be cute and winds up telling you he loves you. He is adorable.” She glared at me, "And you said it back."

I nodded, “In Romania."

"What's up with learning Romanian?"

I trusted her with everything. "It's his name. He prefers it in Romanian. I've been learning just enough to add it to his name. It has a very nice effect on him.” I remembered the wall and shook myself out of the memory. “Plus it makes him happy.”

"And you’re happy?"

I nodded, "Incredibly. All the reasons we talked about are still going on. He adores me and it's clear by how he treats me. And I love taking care of him." I knew she’d understand what I meant.

"There is nothing better in the world. I'm so happy you have someone. It had been so long I thought you were intentionally keeping everyone away."

“Just waiting for the right one." I pulled out my key chain. "I do have a new key."

Angie snatched it, "He keyed you!"

"Looks like it."

"Do you worry this is going fast? I mean it is going fast."

"Yes. It is going fast. There is a risk that maybe this time next year we could be married, have three kids, and signing our divorce papers." I barely made it through without laughing.

Angie snorted, "Sign a prenup so you don’t have to pay alimony when his mid-life crisis tanks his career."

"I talked to Trevor about Sebastian. He knows about my parents, Amy, rehab, and how shitty they can be to me, but he doesn't how about what happened." I stopped walking and looked at her. "I'm starting to feel ashamed for not telling him. That's never happened before." Relationship or friendship. It had never happened. I looked at the most recent member of my secret club. "I don't want to."

She understood, "Why?"

"I don't want him to change the way he looks at me."

Angie smiled, "He won't. You don’t know that yet. It's only been a month. When you know, you'll tell him, and he will look at you just the same or better than he does now. It'll be fine."

"How do you know?" It wasn’t a smart assed clap back. I sincerely wanted to know her reasoning.

"Because he feels different to you and about you. You’re both sharing things neither of you share. That’s the glue for your relationship. You’re adding a little more glue, letting it set up, then adding more. It's getting stronger and eventually, you'll both tell the big secrets and it will be like a layer of epoxy around you that will make you near impossible to break.”

"I like that."

"I speak the truth."

We beat Alissa to the restaurant and ordered a pitcher of margaritas. I was still rearranging and shoving bags into bags under the table when she got there. Angie jumped up and they hugged. I took a step closer, but instead of hugging me, Alissa looked at me warily. “Is it ok for me to be here? Angie said it would be.”

I looked at Angie then back to Alissa, “Why wouldn’t it be?” Oh, what the fuck was going on? I just wanted a nice drunken late lunch with friends after a successful shopping expedition then go home and make out some more with my hot boyfriend.

Alissa grimaced, “I’m sorry for saying all that about Sebastian.”

“Oh!” I laughed and put my hand on my chest. Relieved. I pulled her into a hug, “I’m not upset. Between you and Kirk and the shit Eli told him, we had a somewhat uncomfortable, but really good conversation.”

“Good.” We sat down and Alissa kept talking. “I didn’t mean to be negative. It was just strange. How he was acting and the things you were saying. In a good way. It didn’t come out that way.”

Why is she still . . . oh. “Sebastian said something.”

She cringed, “More of a small group WhatsApp with me and Kirk.”

I laughed again. “Sounds fun.” I sort of wish he hadn’t done that, but I understand why he did. In the end, it was a good thing, but they couldn’t know if I would be scared off by their words.

Angie jumped in, “There’s no way Emma didn’t talk that through.”

Alissa didn’t know me well enough yet to know I wouldn’t let the conversation fester. “Especially with us being a thousand miles apart for the next two weeks. Why is that distance makes time seem longer?”

“I don’t know, but it does. Seb was right to be angry. We could have screwed things up. Neither of us realized how important you were to him. He was worried. That’s more like Seb. Kinda. He’s confusing.”

I think I know what she’s going for. It’s very like him to be worried, but not so much calling out a friend about a girlfriend. From what we’ve talked about and what I learned on that post he’s not had a history of defending girlfriends. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. I wasn’t willing to go into that here. I changed the subject. “And then he goes and tells Will to post a picture of us.”

Alissa nodded, “How’d he react to the comment saying he was going to propose?”

Angie started laughing, “She’d say no.”

“I told him not to. He’d need a good reason. Like he’s actually not a citizen and needs a marriage green card. Or maybe health insurance. I have good health insurance.”

That was the end of that and we went on to other topics. Alissa and Will were having dinner with family but would come by Bowery Ballroom if they were done early. Keaton and Eli’s bands were friends and often teamed up to fill a bigger hall and split the money. They usually made more that way than in one of the smaller halls. Both did a full set and even though Keaton was the bigger name they would trade off who opened. Tonight was Eli’s turn.

We split up outside the restaurant. Alissa going back home and Angie and I heading to the boutique by Sebastian’s. It wasn’t a horrible walk, but we had a lot of bags. In the cab, Angie gave me a look. One I could read perfectly. She wanted to know what I’d avoided at lunch. I like Alissa and I’d say we’re friends. She’s also married to one of Sebastian’s best friends. I didn’t know what the line was. Not for Sebastian. He’d tell me to do what I wanted. The line was mine. Will and Alissa were still enough strangers to me that I wasn’t comfortable with too much information flow between all of us. I wouldn’t think anything of it with Angie and Eli and I was confident that given some more time it would be the same with Will and Alissa. Also, I didn’t know how intimate of conversations Sebastian had with his friends. I’d need to be around more to know. 

I’d told Angie about our conversation after the party. In general. With what Alissa had said I went into a little more detail, filled in holes, and answered questions. I watched her thinking. I knew what was coming and was glad for it. “Are you worried? I’d be worried. Maybe not worried. Concerned. It’s like being a rebound. You’re the first after something else, only the something else is personal growth. You don’t know if he’s going to go back. You know what I mean?”

I did. “If he wasn’t so forthcoming with talking about it, I would be concerned. He’s laid it all out there. What he’s done, not done, feels bad about. He doesn’t act like that with me. If he starts too, I’ll know what's going on.” I told her about the conversation on the deck where he did want to shut down and how we got through it. “Struggling with change doesn’t bother me. All the girlfriend stuff.” I shook my head and shrugged. “We’re going to have to figure out what both of us are good with. I think I’m going to be able to not get sucked into comments or let them get to me, but I don’t know for sure. I know private is ok, but I’m not ok with being denied. I’d feel like a dirty little secret. I could change my mind. Could be next week. No idea.”

Angie took my hand, “I still get hate from Eli’s fans. We had to figure out how to deal. You guys will too. The rest, I think you’re right. If he’d gotten pissy and refused to talk about what Alissa and Kirk had said it would be a problem. Everybody gets a chance to do things differently. I don’t for one second think you’re going in blind or overlooking things because you want a boyfriend. You’d walk away if he wasn’t treating you right.” She got the look she gets when she’s about to tell me something I don’t like. I know that look, because I have the same one. “I’m one hundred percent not saying now. Way too soon. You’re already started to feel ashamed and that’s not going to get better. Might not get worse, but it’s not going to get better. You are the bravest person I know. Don’t let being afraid of your past ruin your future.”


	72. Chapter 72

~*~Sebastian~*~

Yes, I gave Emma a key on her way out the door and told her to keep it. Pretty chickenshit, huh? Only it's not. I gave her a key on her way out the door and told her to keep it because it's not a big deal. There's no reason to have a conversation. I had my mom drive me to the back of the school where I put my shit in her vehicle. I knew the code and thought nothing of stowing my suitcase. I realize my apartment is different than a vehicle. Again, except it's not. The thought of her calling or, fuck, knocking on the door when she came back, did not feel right. And if I was in the shower, what was she going to do, sit outside the door and knock occasionally? Fuck no. So, I gave her a key.

The worst thing Emma would do is show up before I got home and rearrange some drawers and leave some cabinets open. Speaking of drawers, I cleared out a couple for her. The first thing I did after she left was to go into my bedroom and unpacked her suitcase, which I then shoved in the hall closet. The last time she was here I liked her things mixed in with mine. Still true. Her dresses hanging in my closet, shampoo in my shower, and the toothbrush I'd held hostage all made me smile.

Everything about Emma made me smile.

I got back to work only to be interrupted by a text from Will telling me Alissa was having lunch with Angie and Emma. Oh good, I might get to have another fun conversation. After the group chat with Alissa and Kirk I was confident that wouldn't happen. By the time we were done, I think they understood they could have fucked things up. Luckily Emma came to me. Plus, I learned how different my behavior looked to friends. Nothing I could do about that and in the end, it turned out well.

Before I knew it, I heard a key in my front door. The expected thrill from that was better than I imagined. I put everything down with a plan for her to return to my lap. Plan was blown when Emma and Angie struggled through the door carrying an obscene number of bags. So many colors, sizes, and store names on so many bags.

I stood to help, taking from one of her hands, "What the fuck did you two do?"

Emma stretched up onto her toes and kissed me, "I have a problem."

"You ran out of stores?"

"No." She glared at me. "Sometimes the stars align. Free time in the city on a beautiful day for shopping. My best friend for company and to stop me from buying a fashion faux pas. A boyfriend who has an appreciation for me in nice things. And an impending trip to France."

Angie added, "Stores with new inventory. And a tequila lunch to impair our impulse control at that adorable shop you two found."

I lined the bags up on our dance floor. "I think you two are dangerous. You don’t reign each other in."

They laughed, “Yes we do." Both waved a hand over the bags and Emma said, "This could have been much worse."

Just looking at the bags and glimpses of their contents I guessed there were many hundreds of dollars in my living room. I liked how she shopped. "Show me everything." This buying spree was all me. Show tonight, first date, and five days in Paris. "I’m excited.” Her trying on everything in a just for me fashion show would have to wait for another time.

I oohed and awwed and made cringey faces with each outfit. The pair had a similar style, with Emma's being kicked up a notch. She took more risks. "Which will you be torturing me with tonight?"

Emma stuck her tongue out with a huge grin, "Which do you want?"

I felt my dirty smirk, "You know which one." My pants felt a little tighter with just the thought.

Angie waved, "I don't."

"You'll have to wait."

Angie looked from Emma to me, "I'd warn you to be careful what you ask for, but I think you can handle the strain."

"Or die trying." I shrugged.

We sat down, laughing and talking until Angie noticed the time. "Shit."

Soundcheck at six, doors at seven, then music at eight. The second group on at ten-thirty.

"Can you get ready here and go over with us?" It made no sense for her to round trip to Brooklyn when Bowery Ballroom was ten minutes away on a bad night.

Angie looked at Emma, "Do you have shoes?"

Emma nodded.

I stood up, "Let me shower then you two can have the bedroom."

Emma stood, "I'll grab my stuff and we’ll start in the guest bath." She followed me into the bedroom, where she attempted to tackle me onto my bed. I let her. She pushed me to my back and stretched out on me. "Did you have a good day?"

First things first. I kissed her, resting my hands on her ass. "I did. Not as good as you."

"Then I will make sure you have a good night."

"That sounds fun."

Emma kissed me, her tongue seeking out mine. I left one hand on her ass and sunk the other in her hair I didn't let her go the first time she tried to push away. I wasn't ready. The second time I eased my grip and she stayed up on her arms hovering over me for several seconds. I cocked my head and pulled down my eyebrows. She smiled and lowered for a soft kiss, “I love you."

"I love you."

Emma stood up and walked to where she'd put her bag. "Umm, Sebastian?"

I'd taken off my shirt, working on my shorts, "I unpacked."

"You unpacked me?" She looked a little surprised.

"I did." I walked into the bathroom naked. "Makeup and stuff in here. Clothes in some drawers."

She followed me, "Thank you." Emma's fingers trailed down my chest, stopping below my navel.

"Would you believe me if I said I don't like bags on the floor?"

"No."

I touched my lips to hers, staying close, "Smart girl." I pulled open the shower door, "Get away from me or we'll be late."

She pinched my ass with a laugh before grabbing her stuff and leaving.

I've given up drawer space before. Having someone dig clean panties out of a suitcase after you fucked her is shitty if she's staying longer than a weekend. I didn't think giving her drawers warranted a conversation either. However, now that she's home and I'm alone in the shower my overthinking brain wonders. It would have to wait.

The ladies were dressing up, but I was not. The Bowery is a big hot room shoved full of people. When I'd been there, one side of the mezzanine was roped off for a VIP area with tables and bar service. There's no way in hell Kirk won’t have a section for friends and family for him to hold court in. Still, it's a rock show. I pulled on a pair of jeans, a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of boots. Brushed my teeth, threw some product in my hair, and prepared to evacuate the space. I yelled down the hall, "Ladies, room is yours.” I heard them gathering and coming my way. I waited until they were in the room before holding out my arms, "Do I look acceptable?"

Emma stopped with a smile, "You look wonderful."

Angie shook her head, "Uh uh, she's wearing black. You’re too dark and you’ll blend."

I wasn't a stranger to complementary dressing for a date. "The blue’s not different enough?"

"Too dark a blue. On the mezzanine it'll look black."

I looked for Emma who was sitting on the bed, "Don't look at me. I wear tour shorts to dad's shows and Jimmy wasn’t about to change from his collared shirts."

Angie laughed, "His style was pretentious asshole." She thought a second, "I'd say white for a stark contrast or a red. Even though red is darker it’s a good look. Red and black is better than navy and black."

Emma raised her hand.

Angie called on her, "Yes, Emiliana."

"Ms. Angie, I would like to vote red." Of course, she would.

Angie looked at me, "How does Mr. Seb feel about the request?"

"I feel like my girlfriend is making me her own personal eye candy." The two ladies looked at each other aghast. I snickered, "I approve because I got input on the dress." I ducked onto the closet and pulled out the exact red shirt Emma wanted. Our second date and her first visit I opened the door in it. I held it out, "Better." They nodded. I handed the red one to Angie, handed the navy one to Emma, and took the red from Angie. They were shifting eyes from each other and me. I stood there looking between them.

"Do we pay you for the strip show?" I liked Angie playing with me like I did Chris, Will, and Chace goofing off with Emma.

I shook my head, "No, but tips are appreciated." I glanced at the clock, "We need to be out in thirty minutes if we don’t want to be late."

"We'll be ready."

"You both already look beautiful. Your clothes are in the right three drawers." Emma nodded with a smile and I leaned over on one foot to kiss her, "Love you."

Emma threw out, "Te iubesc, Sebasti-an."

I shivered, "I'll be waiting by the window.”

I was out the door when I heard Angie. "He's not emotionally unavailable. He's crazy in love."

I yelled back, "Thanks for your confidence."

I forgot the best friend was in the room when Alissa and Kirk were dropping bombs. We're way past that now. If Angie had doubts I couldn’t blame her. She'd be the one to deal with any destruction I caused. I was going to bust my balls not to. I may not be the best at giving myself credit for my good points, but I’m not stupid. Most of the time.

The longer it took them to come out the antsier I got. Emma doesn't take this long to get ready. Either they're talking more than getting ready or she's doing something complicated. No idea which.

Twenty minutes in Angie came down the hall. She'd curled her hair and had on the bright red dress she'd bought today. It was fitted, short, and off the shoulder. I whistled, "Sexy. Your husband will like."

Angie smiled, "Thank you. He likes red."

"Looks good on you." I laughed. "I can see why Eli never disputed the throuple thing. I'm going to enjoy walking in with two of you."

"Yeah, he ate that up. I'm sure he felt like his single self again. Threesomes with fans were his thing. Every night on tour and when they played locally."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me was impressed. I'd had threesomes, but every night? They're fun, but there's a lot of things going on all at once. Unless you just lay back and enjoy the attention. I think I'll stop now.

Angie read something on my face. She shook her head, "I tell you this to say that Eli was a very different person before we met. People change. People want different things in different relationships. Sometimes things they didn’t know they wanted. Eli was very different with me than those who came before me. You get to be different too."

Did not expect that. She had her butt on the window sill beside me. I leaned over and kissed her cheek, "Thank you."

She nodded with a smile, "You're welcome." Angie chuckled, "Eli's friends, especially the band, struggled with the changes. Then Boone met this cute little twink and discovered he was gay. Eli's changes were comparatively minuscule."

We were still laughing when Emma came into the room. I stopped laughing and mumbled, "Fuck."

Emma curtsied, "Thank you."

Emma's little black dress was... wow. The top looked like it had a built-in bra that lifted her breasts and showed an enticing amount of cleavage. Straps were far to the side, almost under her arms and straight over her shoulder. There was another pair of straps that connected at the corner of the dress and shoulder strap. They went diagonal across her chest and connected to a thicker collar around her neck. Triangles of bare skin showed off breasts and collar bones. It was the collar that would keep my attention for the skin in covered. Emma's favorite place to be kissed was hidden. What had taken them so long was her hair. Usually, she puts smooth curls into her naturally wavy hair. Tonight her hair was long and straight. It hung over one shoulder and was inches longer than when curled.

I stood from the window sill and stepped toward her while plotting where my hands went. I think one to her waist to feel the tight stretch of material over her body and the other is going for her hair. The material was thick and soft. It had the structure to hold everything in place. Up close I could see the black underwire on the bra and the soft swell of her breasts blooming over the top. I had plans for kissing there. I pulled up a strand of hair close to her temple and ran my fingers through to the end, well past her breasts. She wore more makeup than usual, still beautiful, but I didn’t want to mess her up. I pulled her bottom lip between mine and ran my tongue over. I kept her close as I pulled from her lips, "Beautiful doesn’t cover it, Emma."

M-am gandit la tine toata ziua, Sebasti-an. <I've been thinking of you all day.>

“Mă voi gândi la tine toată noaptea. Fiind în interiorul tău, gustându-te.” <I'll be thinking of you all night. Being inside you, tasting you.>

From beside us I heard, "I don't know what he said, but from the tone it's dirty." Angie took Emma's hand from my shoulder and led her away. "You can translate later. I need to go say dirty things to my husband."

Ten minutes later we were at the Bowery Ballroom. Angie had texted Eli to meet us at the door. A guy wearing a "STAFF" t-shirt opened the door and asked if we knew where we were going. Angie and Emma nodded. I shrugged. I hadn't been here in years and had forgotten that once inside you went down a set of stairs to a low ceilinged bar. Past the bathrooms, you went upstairs to the main floor. A larger bar was at the opposite end from the stage. There were stairs on either side leading to the balcony. There were black cases opened on the floor in front of the stage. That’s when it hit me. This was her world, not mine.

I could feel the excitement rolling off Emma. She looked over to me, her smile wide, and I squeezed her hand. Eli jumped off the stage, kissing Angie before greeting us. The other band had taken longer to soundcheck and they were running behind.

Emma looked around, "Where is Keaton?" Eli pointed up. She added, "Mia here?"

"Not yet."

"We'll see you up there." Emma led me to a hallway to the right of the stage and up another set of stairs, talking as we walked. "Keaton opened for Pearl Jam many years ago and then the last tour. He and Mia had just gotten together the first time. Now they have two kids. They like to tell their story to new people. It's fun."

At the top of the stairs, I stopped, pulling her hand back to me. "I love how excited you are. You know this world, how it works." Her confidence going into a backstage area was evident. She knew what she was doing, where she was "I want to see you backstage at a Pearl Jam concert. I bet you’re treated like royalty."

She smiled, "Staff and the longtime fans are protective, you don't fuck with the Vedder women. Even on fan sites and social media friends and family are treated with respect. People are quick to be put in their place or kicked out. None of the guys put up with shit. Ed calls people out from stage. But I’m not anybody here"

I didn't believe that for a second. She is Eddie Vedder's daughter. I bet she's treated with respect here too, partly because if she’s not, the band will never open for PJ again. I was getting increasingly proud and excited being with her here. Excited for me to experience something I didn't know from the inside.

Top of the stairs was a security guard. First one I'd seen since we arrived. He was bigger than me, but not by much. Beefy Civil War Bucky could have taken him easy. This guy had a clipboard and a list.

"Name?"

I let her handle this. Her name, one of her options, held more weight than mine. Emma smiled, "Emiliana Vedder."

He looked up from his list, eyeing her slowly, "I'm a huge Pearl Jam fan. You need anything you find me. I’m Dylan."

“Thank you, Dylan."

Dylan pointed down the hall.

I laid my hand on her hip. Without her, I didn't belong here. Part of my brain was enjoying being second to her in this world. I wasn’t as thrilled when I was second in the acting world. That felt like competition. This feels like fun. No pressure or networking for me. Hollywood and music were built on knowing and improving your place in the food chain. I think she's at the top of this food chain. Not that it matters, but I can’t help thinking this way. When I walk into a party or event I am immediately checking for who I know and who I want to know.

Short hall to an open door, Emma called out as we got closer, "Hope you're decent."

A deep voice with a New York accent answered, "Have you ever known me to be decent?"

"Ok, just not naked?"

We went through the door and the owner of the voice came toward us. "Close enough."

The man was taller than me, had long skinny legs, and a strong upper body. He wasn't in a shirt, but he had enough chest chair to count as a sweater. He went straight for my girl, wrapping her into a tight hug. "It's been too long." He stepped back and looked her over more closely than I liked, "You are bloody fucking gorgeous. If I didn't have Mia I’d be taking you home with me tonight"

Emma laughed, "I think he might object." She nodded in my direct.

Keaton’s attention turned to me, "Lucky bastard." He held out a hand, "Keaton."

"Sebastian. Nice to meet you."

Keaton introduced the others in the band. Kevin spoke when done, "Can we call you Bucky?"

"Not if you want me to answer." My canned response sets a limit and gets a laugh. And they did laugh.

My thinking had been correct. Emma was the star of our couple tonight. They caught up and Emma filled them in on what Ed was doing before attention turned to me. The questions weren't about Marvel. They wanted to know about the weightless stuff in The Martian and making out with Margot Robbie. Stacy, Kevin's wife, wanted to talk about Once Upon a Time.

We talked over the soundcheck going on below only interrupted by the arrival of a pixie sized woman coming into the room. She looked over all of us, seemed to wink at Emma, then locked eyes with Keaton, "Hey, Rockstar."

Keaton stood to go to her, "Cheerleader." They met for a kiss that I could feel.

Emma pointed, "That's Mia." Everyone else went back to talking and out of the corner of my eye I could see the couple stop kissing to talk then start kissing again. No one paying attention told me this wasn't unusual. They didn’t break apart until Eli and company came through the door and only then because Kirk pushed Keaton away so he could hug Mia.

With the moment gone Keaton joined the rest of us, grabbing a backpack before he sat down. Mia followed less than a minute later, pulling Emma off the couch, "So excited when Keaton told me you were coming."

They hugged and Emma said, " We've got some catching up to do."

Mia looked at me, "Yes, we do."

I stood while Emma laughed, "Mia this is Sebastian."

"Nice to... oh" I was surprised when Mia pulled me into a hug, "meet you."

Mia stepped back, "Sorry, I'm a hugger."

"Me too." I smiled, "It’s nice to meet you."

A voice came from the doorway. The same man who had let us in, "Doors open."

Eli nodded, "Thanks, Bill."

Bill moved out of the way as a server with a large tray of shot glasses came into the room. Everyone took one and Eli asked him to close the door as he left. I was in the middle of a tradition and followed along. Eli held up his glass, "Good friends, good music, good times."

Keaton added, "And a night we'll never forget, except the parts we can't remember."

Everyone drank. Keaton pulled a joint out of the smaller bag he’d pulled from his backpack and lit up. I guess we'd be marking get high together off our couple's Bingo card. The joint got to Emma first and she inhaled deeply. I took a kiss as she handed it off to me. The smoke hit my lungs and it was like they remembered, opening up to pull in a memory. I'd hadn't had a cigarette in years, a heavy habit that had been hard to break. My pot usage varied. More social than solo and it had been awhile. Thinking back, I hadn't been high since we'd met. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly with a smile, "Pot makes me horny."

I heard laughter and opened my eyes. They were laughing at Emma, whose arms were up like she was signaling a touchdown.

Eli was looking at me, "When are you not?"

I started to protest then pulled back, "Good point.” Emma was signaling another touchdown. I pulled her arms down. "Why are you acting like you never get laid?"

All four women shook their heads. Stacy had just handed off to Mia, "That’s celebrating the good sex to come."

I could already feel the mellowing out and my smile felt slow, "Ok, that's good, or it will be."

Emma put her arm over my shoulder and kissed my cheek, "Very good."

Mia pointed back and forth between us, "How long has this been going on?"

I went in with the answer, "A month on Monday."

Keaton, Kevin, and JP looked at each other with a low growl, "New couple sex is such a fun crapshoot. You gotta try everything at least twice."

Kirk snickered, "That’s two birthdays, Seb."

I flipped him off.

Keaton had a shit-eating grin on his face, "My Mia doesn't get horny. She gets touch hungry and I can play that to turn in to horny.”

Angie threw her hand out toward Emma, "Also gets touch hungry and a dirty mind. If she can stop laughing."

JP started laughing, "Oh yeah, remember Iowa?

Emma shook her head violently, "Nothing good happened in Iowa. Iowa was a disaster with bright moments."

I leaned in, "I wanna hear this. I'm envious of tour stories." They went quiet, "Who's going to start?'

Emma huffed out a breath, "Iowa was a festival in the front yard of a water company. It was muddy, hot, and in the middle of nowhere. Pearl Jam was the headliner. There were several other acts. Keaton, Neon Trees, Hanson, Adam Lambert. I wanted to meet Adam. Dad said not alone. I took Keaton."

Keaton picked up the story, "Adam is a fucking wall wrapped in leather and spikes. Imposing. I take her to his trailer, he's smoking, and we join. The conversation got filthy fast. They were making plans."

Emma took over, "They were imaginary threesome plans. Very detailed. Keaton was all in until he figured out this threesome had him as the center of attention, not me. Adam turned it on and Keaton thought leaving me with Adam was safer than him staying."

I laughed, "You bailed!"

“The plans had gotten too specific and he's big. You know what I mean." He shivered, "I went back and got stoned with Ed. That’s fucking nirvana every time. Who doesn’t dream of getting stoned with Pearl Jam."

I pouted, "I haven’t met him."

Emma sang, "Christmas."

Eli picked up, "You’re going to Hawaii?"

I nodded.

"Maybe don't tell him getting high makes you horny."

"Let's get stoned so I can fuck your daughter is a bad idea?" We were all laughing again. I was not going to do that.

Emma stood and went toward the refrigerator. I glared at Kirk and he followed her. He needed to apologize. Keaton went for his guitar, "He’s very protective."

The musicians started getting ready. Changing clothes, adding deodorant, and last trips to the bathroom. People shifted from sitting to standing and between pods of people. Emma and Kirk were still in the corner by the fridge. I joined Keaton and Kevin and heard more about Iowa. Emma was right, it was a disaster, but they had fun. Another joint went around and I noticed what a strange word Iowa was. It has too many vowels. Also realized I didn't know where it was, "Is that one of the square states?"

Since we were high things were funnier than they actually were. Like my question.

"You skip fourth grade?" Keaton snickered.

"I was in Austria in fourth grade."

"No shit!"

I laughed at his expression. "Romania, Austria, then here."

Keaton sighed, "I fucking loved Prague."

"That’s the Czech Republic.”

"Not Romania?" He shook his head slowly as he spoke.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

I pointed to myself and said emphatically, "Romanian."

"Well, fuck me. I thought it was Romania."

"Don't give me shit about not knowing Iowa."

We laughed so hard and so long we were holding onto each other with tears running down our cheeks.

Heaving for breath Keaton got out, "Squarish state attached to the Chicago state. At the bottom. West."

"Thank you."

We kept laughing until I felt hands on my waist slide around on my stomach. I knew it was Emma, but since I was stoned, I glanced at the hands just to be sure. What was coming would be bad if it wasn't her. Emma's touch hunger and my horniness were an incendiary combination.

I raised one arm to turn in that direction. Emma loosened her hold enough to allow me to face her. I put my hands on her face diving straight into a kiss. Our tongues met and her fingers dug into my back. She tasted of weed and tequila. I couldn't get enough of all three.

I heard Keaton's voice behind me, "Time to go, Seb."

I peeled myself away from my girl and took her hand. Since this wasn't a true opener and main act sort of thing the non-performing group would be upstairs with the rest of us. As we filed out of the room, we passed by Kirk who was holding a small bowl of gummy bears. The edible would kick in as the joint was fading and see us through the night.


	73. Chapter 73

~*~Sebastian~*~

The group of us walked the edge of the room to the stairs. Bar tables were in a line and following the other's lead I helped push them against the wall, leaving an open area for us to stand. Emma led me to stand up front with Angie right as the house lights went out. Kirk came running and I moved behind Emma to give him room. Put me in a better position to feel up Emma anyway.

A bank of speakers over the stage was on the level and aimed right at us. My ears would be ringing all night. Nothing would beat the acoustic living room show from a few weeks ago. Still, the music and energy were fun. I was sucked in, like everyone else. Unlike with volleyball, Emma didn't ignore me. While I was behind her I ran an occasional hand over her hip. Each time Emma would do something: reach behind to lay a hand on my leg, turn her head to kiss me, or lean back into me. Several songs in the music slowed. I invaded Emma's personal space, moving up on her, and wrapping an arm around her my hand was seated on her ribcage, my thumb stroking the underside of her breast. My other hand held onto her hip, keeping her close where the pressure from her relieved a little of the ache in my jeans. She cupped the back of my head and turned to nuzzle against my neck. We stayed close and moved to the beat. The feel and smell of her did things to me.

When the tempo picked up again Emma turned to the side and pulled me between her and Angie. I stayed a half step back so they could talk and react together, but I was included. There were songs they had choreography too. Not the band, Emma, Angie, and Kirk. I played along as best I could, more than once we fell together laughing. The shot of tequila layered with the edible had me happily baked. Not enough tequila to be drunk or knock down the high. This was a good buzz I wanted to maintain. I drank half of Emma’s tequila, afraid her lower body mass would make it too much and she'd get sleepy. I'm sure she has experience with what she can mix, but I'm confident my knowledge is better.

By the end, I felt like I was herding cats. Emma, Angie and Kirk being the cats. Nobody was functioning optimally, but at least I didn’t have the same level of emotional attachment to the stage. My attachment was next to me and I kept the three in front of me. We screamed the loudest when Eli’s part was over.

I leaned close to Emma’s ear to ask what happened next. She led me to the edge closest to stage and pointed. “Everyone will pack up their shit fast as they can and stow it in the corner, then head to the dressing room to cool down, wipe the sweat away, and likely have another joint while Keaton sets up. When the lights go down Eli and all will join us up here. Angie and Kirk will go backstage to meet their husbands."

I raised my eyebrows, "Are we?"

"We can or we can stay up here where it's relatively empty."

I looked around at all the people, "Lots up here."

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head no, "Not on our side. I’d rather stay here. Unless you need a hit."

I shook my head, “I'm good.” I lowered my head and got close "You ok. I don't know how long it’s been or your tolerance. You level?"

Her head bobbed, "I gotta tell you, these nights with just friends and the music. This is when I want cocaine. The boost it gives."

"I bet Keaton has some in his little bag." I snickered. I was sure he did.

"I don't think so. I don't want the crash tomorrow. I'd rather see what we get into." She met my eyes, "You being horny and all.”

She really had no idea what was going on with me right now. Very very bad thoughts that covered everything and I mean everything. I have no idea where I’m going to land. Aggressive, romantic, pleading. Any combination and anywhere in between. "Coke makes me loud and overly friendly. Worst of all it makes me sweat. Look at pics and you can tell when I’m doing coke. So I don't. Rarely. Special occasions."

True to what Emma had said, Kirk and Angie took off as soon as the crowd noise died down a little. They would have had to fight through the sea of people if they left before the music ended. Everyone with Keaton’s group left too. I looked around us and found, um, no one. Talk about feeling exposed. We were in a roped off side of a U. Alone, but the other three sides were crowded. Being high doesn’t generally make me paranoid, but the two of us standing in an open pasture was making my Spidey senses tingle. I pushed her back closer to the wall, using my body to block her. If anyone was paying attention to us all they’d see was my back. I was banking on being far enough in the shadows. I was pretty sure this good idea wouldn’t seem so good tomorrow when I was sober, but right now it was brilliant.

Emma sat her hands on my hips. I could barely feel them. I like that. I like the way her touch can be this barely there pressure. My body seems to register it differently. The light touch makes more nerves fire. There’s more of a psychological part. It’s intimate. Her hands on me are the only part of us touching. I can’t touch her. I want to, but I can’t. I’m not in control.

While everyone who saw her in this dress knew her every curve, my knowledge was more detailed. I risked giving myself a taste and bent to kiss her bare shoulder. “What’s Keaton’s band like?”

Her thumb moved on my side. “They’re more eclectic. They’ve been together a long time and their sound has evolved. They opened for some big names on big tours and made the jump to headliner. Things fell apart while they were doing their next CD. The concessions the record company wanted were too much. Keaton wouldn’t give up the control. They decided they’d rather stay doing their music their way. They tour a lot and have a very devoted fan base. There’s a mix of rock and indie stuff. Keaton’s lyrics are amazing and he is crazy passionate. He writes him. It’s all personal. And a big chunk is Mia.”

I nodded, still trying to ignore her thumb. “I like him. Before the show . . . there’s something about him.”

“He’s a good guy.”

Jealousy flared. Not real, the fake bullshit kind.

Emma laughed, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I laughed too. No idea what about.

“That pretend jealous look on your face. Don’t make me prove why you’re a good guy. It’ll start with words and end up my hand in your pants.”

“Ooof.” I looked behind us, just to check that there were people around. Dammit. I laid my forehead against hers. “You realize this is the first time we’ve been alone since we got here and you went shopping. We haven’t been alone since we left your place almost twelve hours ago.” That sounded much more desperate when said out loud than it had in my head.

She giggled at me. I deserved it. “I wouldn’t say we’re alone, Bastian.”

“More or less. I need to talk to you about something important.” I tried my best to keep a straight face. Unclear if I succeeded. “Your dress.”

Emma pressed her shoulders into the wall, pushing her hips forward. “Is this not the one you wanted me to wear?”

“It most certainly is the one I wanted you to wear.” I didn’t move, my hips keeping her from stretching out more. “It’s better than imagined. But I have problems.”

“I can tell.”

I bet she could with her hips pressed into mine. “You look amazing. Every time I look at you I can’t help but think about all the things no one but me can see.” Her eyebrow lifted and her head tilted a little.

"Even when you're not smiling, I can see the dimple in your left cheek." Almost instantly she smiled. I kissed her dimple. "Right there.” I looked down at her breasts, “The black hides them, but I can see your nipples perfectly." I touched her side under her ribs. "Three freckles here and one under the curve of your ass. From the pool picture I know your twin doesn't have one, so I'll always be able to tell you apart. Don't get me started about what you hide between your legs." I traced the collar of fabric at her neck. "This is what I knew would drive me crazy all night, because this is the only place I could get away with kissing. I love kissing your neck as much as you do. How easy is it to get off?"

"Two buttons with elastic loops."

Sounded like more fine motor control than I was likely to have. "Can I rip it?"

Her eyes went wide, "No!" She started laughing and hugged me. Her laughter went on and became contagious, infecting me. Emma pushed my shoulders, looked at my face, and kept on laughing. My seduction was not going as planned. Emma patted my face, "Sebastian, I love you and want you more than anything. But right now, I'm too stoned for that seriousness."

I yelled, "Fuck!" and we started laughing again. "I worked really really hard." I buried my face against her neck, pulling at the collar with my teeth, then running my tongue around the shell of her ear. Emma squirmed away laughing. I glared at her playfully and huffed out a breath, "Horny."

"My poor baby." Emma whispered against my mouth, "Don't worry. You'll get laid tonight." She kissed me before sucking on my bottom lip.

I said, "Yay." Best as I could with her attached to my lip. I wonder if it’s too soon to leave? It is. I know it is. I don’t really want to leave. I’m having too much fun.

We stayed pressed against the wall laughing and kissing until Eli was beside us, his arms went around both of us. "Are you having sex?" He looked down between our bodies.

I blew a raspberry, "No ", and pulled my hips back to prove it. We most definitely were not connected.

"Because it looks like you're having sex against the wall."

The three of us started laughing. I looked at Eli with a smug expression, "This is your show. Do you really think I would fuck your best friend into the wall at your show?"

Emma punched the hell out of my arm.

"Ouch, Why did you... oh shit." I'd said the four letter word that begins with W.

Luckily Eli was looking at me, his eyes narrowed. "Yes. I think you would if you were pretty sure you wouldn't get caught."

My face went blank, "You're not wrong."

Mia came zipping by and grabbed Emma's arm, "Come with me." Angie was with her and the three women moved to the railing.

Eli and I watched them go then turned to each other with a shrug. We'd been deserted. I hugged him, "I like you, Eli. You're right about a lot of things." I kept my arm around him. “You were right about the wall thing tonight. You were right about her parents being asses."

Eli put his hand on my shoulder and his face was serious, "My friend, I would not lie about her parents. They do not have Emma's best interests. We... you, me, and Ed. Don't trust them." He poked me in my chest. "Protect her."

I put my hand over his mouth, "No more words. Last time we were drunk together we got in trouble."

Eli laughed, "No shit. You went and told her everything."

"Was it a test?" That had crossed my mind many times. Had Eli told me to keep a secret from Emma to see if I would?

"You're giving me too much credit. I was drunk and talking out of my ass." He held up a finger, "Had it been a test, you would have passed."

We've entered the "I love you, man." part of the night. "You're a good friend, Eli."

He inclined his head, "And you're a good boyfriend, Seb."

The house lights went down and the music started. Watching Emma, Mia, and Angie hang onto each other was what I imagined partners at a concert being like. They'd been on tour together and been through good and bad times together. I felt that connection with other actors on set, but this was different. This was the behind the scenes support system. Not just support to their “famous” partner, but support to each other. I didn't know this, but I wanted it. I wanted Emma on a set or an event with me, there for me but also with friends behind the scenes. This felt like family.

Eli and I pulled a table from the wall and sat. Boone, Travis, and Dan joined us. Kirk went up with the support group. I felt part of the group, not an outsider. They'd taken me in as they'd taken in Emma years ago. I wanted this.

I didn't understand Emma's explanation of the differences between Keaton and Eli’s music. Maybe she wasn't clear and maybe I just didn't understand. A couple of songs in I did. At the party, I'd been blown away by Eli’s voice and expression. He could sing anything. Tonight, had been mostly original music, and while good, it lacked the emotional connection for me. The most honest reason would be the songwriting wasn't consistently as strong. They were good, but lacking that something that made them great.

Keaton was great. He had the confidence, command of the stage, and over the audience that Eli just didn’t have. Music and lyrics were next level too. I don’t know the words to explain. It was the difference between an A and B list actor. There’s something more than just talent that feeds the higher level. Keaton had it. He should be out there in stadiums and the top ten on Spotify. I understand how he didn't want to sell himself to get to the next level. I'm not sure if I'm willing to do that either.

Remembering what Emma said about Keaton writing his life and a lot of Mia, I paid close attention to lyrics. I loved them too. I could see what he was writing, feel it. After the song about her dad telling him stay away, I crept up behind Emma, hugging her from behind and kissing her shoulder to get her attention. I didn’t think Ed would try to chase me off, but the song had resonated because she has a protective dad. When Emma turned her head toward me, I kissed her and made sure she was watching when I mouthed, "I love you." She did the same. We kissed again and I went back to the table.

For the encore, I returned to Emma. I stayed just behind her with a hand on her ass. I'd heard the final song, a strong guitar driven song about sex at the end of the world. Pretty sure I had it on a playlist somewhere. It wasn’t over when Mia grabbed my hand and I grabbed Emma. Mia led us to the backstage area. Not surprisingly she knew exactly when to leave to beat Keaton backstage. Can't say I wasn't happy to avoid going in the opposite direction of the crowd.

Keaton was the first one through the door. He immediately went to Mia for a short and breathless kiss before leading her to the couch. Mia sat at the end, Keaton laid down with his head in her lap, and Mia combed her fingers through his hair. He looked tired, but with her touch, he relaxed. I smiled and nodded in their direction, "What's the story there?"

Kevin had heard, "Aftershow ritual since they were sixteen."

"They've been together since they were sixteen?"

Kevin said, "Yes."

Keaton yelled, "No."

I cut my eyes toward the couch then back to Kevin. He shrugged, heading to the other side of the room. I pulled Emma with me to the couch where I could see the couple.

Keaton opened one eye, "Not really."

"It's a binary choice."

The rest of the room laughed.

Emma moved to the far end of the couch and pushed Keaton's feet off. "I told him you like to tell your story."

Keaton smiled, "I do."

I sat where he pointed and, happily, Emma sat in my lap with her arm around my shoulder, playing in my hair. The rest of the room started talking amongst themselves. They'd heard the story.

"We met in kindergarten. I tried to scare her with a worm."

Mia laughed, "I kick him in the shin and put the worm under a bush."

They traded off telling their story with smiles and laughter.

While they went through school together, they weren’t friends until middle school when Mia tutored his brother in math. Keaton was playing guitar in his room and Mia went to listen. From that night on they were inseparable. They would meet up after cheerleading and guitar practice. His band’s first concert was a New Year’s party in her basement. Keaton taught her to kiss before her first real date and beat the guy up when he was mean to her. Both stuck to the story they weren't a couple even after they chose to lose their virginity together at their prom. They lost touch when Mia went away to college and Keaton stayed in New York to tour and make music. Mia became an architect and was over restoration in her father's firm. They didn't see each other until almost eight years later when Mia's mother died. Keaton helped her pack up her mother's house in the neighborhood in which his parents still lived. After dinner they went to the country club where they spent their summers. Both had been married and divorced. They'd wanted so much more for each other. Neither wanted this new start to end and they exchanged phone numbers. Keaton walked her to the house and what started as a hug lacing many years together turned into a kiss. One they discussed days later and decided to move past.

They kept in touch, talking or texting daily. Keaton had been signed and was touring new music. He had insisted on two nights in Savannah where Mia lived. They stayed with her in the home she’d restored. The boy who haunted her house hadn’t been as accepting of the new people, running the halls, slamming doors, moving things, and turning out lights. After the show, Keaton liked to hang out and meet fans. Mia came over, only to be surprised by her ex-husband and his new wife. Mia had taken Keaton’s hand, hoping he'd follow along. He had and when the ex called her a groupie Keaton explained they’d know each other since elementary school. He took her out on the dance floor, positioning them to make sure he'd see Keaton kissing her like a lover.

They still said they were just friends. When Mia joined them on tour, they’d get drunk after the show and find any reason to make out and make up every reason why it meant nothing. On the last night of a break in Aspen, Mia had emergency surgery. Keaton stayed with her. Something changed in the single room they shared. Mia slept, Keaton played, and when Mia woke Keaton would care for her. Over the years they'd shared many beds, but not like this. This wasn't drunk collapse after a show. This was tender and Mia being safe in his arms with Keaton waking up to her face, laying together talking in a quiet morning.

Keaton went back to tour and wrote a song about falling in love with your best friend. Mia wouldn’t hear it until their ten year high school reunion. When Keaton wasn’t on stage he was with Mia pushing the boundaries of their friendship and testing the waters for more. He held too many scars to make the first step. Mia could. They crossed the friendship line for the last time.

Keaton kissed Mia's engagement and wedding ring, "Six months later we compulsively married after not dating for about twenty years.”

While we'd been talking another joint had made its way around the room. I was feeling giddy. I let out a happy sigh, "That's a fantastic story and a fairytale ending.” I looked at Emma then back to Keaton, “I think I’m in love."

Keaton smiled, "With more than just Emma?"

"Not more than Emma, but I love your story and the soundtrack you wrote for it. You should get a writer to put it down and sell the movie rights. Hard to beat a good, friends to lover’ story. I’ve started writing. I'll write it. You'll help and do the music."

Emma joined in, smiling at Keaton, "You've left out the best bit."

Keaton's knowing smile asked, "What part would that be, Ms. Vedder."

Emma grinned, "The first song Mia ever heard you play. The one that started it all.”

Mia took Emma's hand, "Pearl Jam, Black."

Keaton starting laughing, "I will never forget the first time I met you."

I clapped my hands, rubbing them together in front of Emma, "Alright, let's hear this!"

Emma stood up, "I'm going over there." She pointed somewhere I couldn't see and walked away.

I watched her walk away with a smile on my face before turning my attention back to Keaton. "Where  
were we?"

The three of us laughed. Keaton remembered. "We were playing a club in Seattle and Ed came to check us out for the opening gig job. I was so anxious I was afraid I wouldn't be able to sing. I was expecting Eddie fucking Vedder. Larger than life rock god." He put his hand on his chest while he laughed. “Then this dad guy showed up with Emma. I thought I was going to have to call child protection services. He never took his arm from around her and she looked terrified"

"How long had she been in Seattle?" I was assuming they knew at least that part of the story. Since they were kind of there and Ed had trust Keaton with her.

Mia made a face, "Maybe two days.”

Keaton picked back up, "Thank fuck he introduced her as his daughter and I didn't have to report him for child trafficking. She was sixteen, but looked like a homeless thirteen-year-old."

That got me laughing, "I looked like a homeless drug addict when we met."

Mia snorted, "I doubt it, but ok."

I didn't want to talk about me. I waved Keaton on. He smiled, "She was a completely different girl the next summer. Confident. Beautiful." He cringed, "Seventeen."

I winced, "Best not to think about."

He nodded, "That whole tour Ed didn't let her out of his sight."

Mia shoved her husband, "Because of pervs like you looking at his almost eighteen-year-old daughter. It was sweet. Ed was very sweet with her." She got off the couch and headed over to where my Emma was.

Keaton yelled after her, "I was a perv when you fell in love with me.”

Mia spoke over her shoulder, "I have questionable taste in men."

Kevin dropped onto the space Mia had left, "She's right." Keaton shoved him over onto me. "Just because you shove me doesn't make me wrong. Who are you perving on?"

Keaton rolled his eyes, "No one."

I shoved Kevin off me, "We were avoiding perving on my girlfriend"

"Why?" Kevin pointed to her, "Look at her."

"The night we met her," Keaton said in a dead tone.

Kevin hissed in a breath through clenched teeth, "Oh, no. She looked like she'd just gotten out of rehab."

I snickered, "Because she had just gotten out of rehab."

"There is that."

We sat talking and laughing until my face and sides ached, reaching the point where we switched from laughter to leftover quiet snickering. I looked around to find Emma. I felt my eyes crinkle as my head tilted to the side.

The other two said, "What?" simultaneously.

I pursed my lips and held a finger out," Do either of you see panty lines?" I didn’t wait for an answer, "I don't think she has on panties."

"Surely," Keaton began, "this isn't a new experience for you."

"No, but I'm very high and very horny."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Big Brady fan.


	74. Chapter 74

~*~Sebastian~*~

It was time to get my woman and her panties or lack of them. I walked around the perimeter of the room my high ass thinking I was sneaking up on her. Who knows, maybe it did surprise her when I put my hand on her lower back. Emma turned a little, her hand going to my face before she kissed me, "Hey, baby.

"Hey." I kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "Do you have on panties?"

"Yes."

I leaned back, my eyes raking over the smooth lines of her dress. Back to her ear, "Are you sure? I don't see any panty lines."

Emma faced me, her back to the group she'd been talking with, "Have you been sitting over there studying my ass?"

I grinned and nodded my head vigorously, "Yes, I have been. Closely." I ran my hand down and over what I'd been watching. "It's a very good ass."

She put her hand in the middle of my chest, "There are panties that leave no lines."

"Now I'm sad."

About three a.m. we were chased out and everyone headed home. I followed Emma into the back of the Uber scooting right up next to her. I snickered. Emma snickered and put her hand on my thigh. Very high on my thigh. I snickered again before leaning close to her ear. "I am so fucking horny."

She turned her head, her lips no more than an inch from mine, "I can help you out with that."

"Oh, I know you can." I full on laughed and sat back, my head falling back. "I wish it was my birthday."

She fell over on me, her laughter filling the small space. "Oh, Sebastian."

I growled, "So horny." Then stuck out my lip in a pout.

Emma grabbed my bottom lip, "It can be your birthday."

My eyebrows shot up. "I can have birthday sex?"

She made a circle with her finger, "We. We can have birthday sex."

The hand of her circling finger grabbed the back of my head and kissed the fuck out of me. Just as quickly she moved back, "Remember how Angie said being high makes me touch hungry?"

I nodded slowly and started to smile. Emma licked my upper lip, "I'm starving."

Thank god my place was close. I took Emma's hand as we got out of the car and she was up on me when I punched in the door code, her hands rubbing my hips. Before the elevator doors closed, I had her pressed in the corner, "It's going to be a long night."

"We can sleep tomorrow."

Kissing her, really kissing her, didn't do a thing to take the edge off. I wanted to be buried so deep inside her. My face, my fingers, my cock. I wanted to fuck her until we were too exhausted to do it again. It wouldn’t be our first night like that and hopefully not the last.

I put my hand behind her knee, pulling her leg over my hip, and sliding my hand under her skirt. I moved my mouth to her neck, "Still searching for panties."

The elevator doors opened. Emma pushed me away. "You're not looking hard enough."

I followed her down the hall, "I love a challenge."

Emma laughed, "Finding my panties is the only challenge you're getting tonight."

"I fucking love my life!” She leaned against my door and I pressed against her while unlocking it. "I love you too."

Her hand rubbed the crotch of my jeans, "And I love you."

I turned the handle and we fell through the door somehow winding up in a pile on my floor, both of us laughing. I shifted around until I had Emma right where I wanted her. Underneath me. As I kissed her, I inched her dress up. "Let me check this out."

I scooted down her body, "Oh." I looked up fighting my laugher. "I didn't think people really wore these." She had on the stick on panties similar to those worn when shooting a sex scene.

"They serve a purpose."

"And now they need to go." I picked at the adhesive edge and relocated between her legs. I gripped the loose edge between my teeth and proceeded to pull them away from her skin. Once the front was loose, I lifted her leg to roll her to the side and finish the job. I could see and smell her. I had to taste her. I ran my finger along her slippery wetness, letting out a quiet moan when I sank a finger inside her and put my mouth on her. I loved the way she instantly arched her back and grabbed my arm. We weren't going to stay here on the floor, but for a few minutes I was indulging myself. Well, maybe her too. I worked her clit with my tongue just long enough.

"Bed, baby." I jumped up, holding my hand out to her.

Emma took my hand, "Why is your bedroom so far away?"

"Incredibly inconvenient."

After walking for half a mile we reached my bedroom. Emma stretched up to kiss me, "I'll be right back," and headed toward the bathroom.

I pulled condoms and lube out of the drawer and spread a spare blanket on the bed. Lube gets all over everything. Before we got going I wanted to make sure she wasn't agreeing because she's high and not thinking straight. I'd never do anything she didn’t want or would regret in the morning. We had some discussing to do. Impulsive first time anal sex seemed a minefield for things to go wrong. There’s not a man alive who hasn’t had things go wrong at least once. That once is usually the only shot you get. And if you can't talk about it you’re not ready for it or you don't care what she gets out of it.

I was sat on the edge of my bed when she came out. Her beauty took my breath away. I smiled when I noticed she'd left her skirt hiked up. She came to me turning around, "Can you undo my buttons, please."

“The ones I’m not allowed to rip." The way she hummed her answer made my hands shake. A deep breath later the loops around the buttons came undone easily. I pulled the straps down where now her upper chest was bared. I started there, kissing along the slopes of her breasts. I sat on the bed while Emma worked to strip me. She got my shirt off easy. Pants weren’t as easy, because I was sitting on them, but she left wet kisses on my chest while we worked it out.

Emma braced her hands on my thighs, bending over to kiss me, teasing me with soft short kisses with barely any tongue which built to long sweeps of her tongue. I ran my fingers up the back of her thighs, over her naked ass and the bunched up fabric of her dress. I tested the stretch of the top before pulling it down under her breasts. Massaging them and playing with her nipples intensified her kiss. Her tight nipples, hard peaks, needed to be in my mouth. I grabbed her waist, pulling her closer and making her stand up. I looked up to meet her eyes while my tongue made circles around a nipple. Emma's head fell back and she pulled my head tighter to her. I opened wide to suck and tease her. I squeezed her other breast, catching her nipple in the space between my thumb and forefinger.

"Bastian."

I pulled my mouth off her with a loud pop at the same time I grabbed her ass with fingers barely between her cheeks. "You sure you want this? You're not just high."

"We talked about this weeks ago. I’m not just high." She kicked her leg over mine and sat straddling my thigh. The way she sat I could feel her pussy pressed tight to my leg. She rubbed against me and sucked my neck. I tightened my thigh muscle, encouraging her to ride me. I took her ass in both hands to encourage more, moaning when she complied. I shook when her hand wrapped around my cook and she sucked my earlobe. "I want you to fuck me."

"Fuck," I whimpered, "so horny." I feel like I’ve said that a dozen times tonight.

Emma pushed off my leg and knelt between them, my cock still in her tight grip. "I think I need to take care of you or you're not gonna last long enough to enjoy it."

I laughed, running my hands through her hair, "You are correct, my love." Watching her little pink tongue tease the tip of my cock, her dress pulled down to show off her tits, and hiked up to show everything else, was threatening to make me come before the first stroke of her mouth. She looked like I felt.

Hell yes. She looked like I felt.

I pushed her head down my cock, "I need to come, baby."

She didn't argue. Even if she wanted to it would have been difficult with her mouth full of my cock. I saw her arm move but didn't pay attention and I heard the smack of her hand on the side of my ass a split second before I felt it.

Emma's mouth was quickly off my cock. "Shit, I'm sorry. I just wanted to get your attention. That was harder than I meant."

I stared into her beautiful green eyes, noticing the gold flecks seemed to twinkle. I shook my head, "No, baby girl, that was almost hard enough." My fingers under her chin held her for me to kiss her. "Why did you want my attention?"

She smirked and wiggled her fingers in the direction of the nightstand. "Condom. I want to ride you."

I handed her one and leaned back onto my hands. "Might be the shortest ride of your life."

She rolled the condom down my length. "This ride isn’t for me. It's for you."

I'm not at all sure what that means, but I liked the sound of it. It also wasn't going to help me last longer. "How do you want me?"

"On your back"

I scooted to the middle of my bed and put my hands behind my head.

Her eyes burned a path down my body and back to my face. She pulled her dress over her head as she swung her leg over my hips, facing away from me, and I swear I heard her say, "Smug bastard."

Still high enough to giggle, "Yes, I am."

Emma sank down on my cook. I had a great view of her pink parts taking me in, stretching around me. I groaned and closed my eyes before they could roll back in my head. I remembered the Candy Land game where Emma said this was her least favorite position. Self-conscious of my view and fear of breaking my dick. Her slow shallow movements protected against breakage. I opened my eyes and studied the view. Her more blonde than brown hair hung down her back in a smooth sheet, looking like a cascade of silk thread. The smooth skin of her back moved over muscles and curves as she rode me. Pulling my hands out from behind my head, I reached for her, sliding my hands down from her shoulders before grabbing her ass. "This view is amazing."

She turned her head to look at me, "Thank you."

I kept running my hands over her, "Anytime."

I was noticing everything. I reached for the lube. Emma must have heard the top open because she leaned forward just a little. I rubbed the pad of my finger over the other entrance to her body. "Tell me to slow down or stop."

"What if I want more or harder?" She pushed back against my finger.

I pushed enough for her body to give, letting me in, "I think I’ll be able to tell."

"Better safe than sorry."

I pulled out and pushed back in a few times. Each time pushing in farther. Her hair slid farther down her back with the tilt of her head, "Mmm, feels good."

Emma picked up the speed. I did not. My free hand was tight on her hip. I moved my feet enough to get some leverage and helped out thrusting into her. My finger was as deep inside her as possible and I could feel my finger against my cock. My breath caught when I felt her fingers on my balls.

"You gonna come for me?"

It was the visual of her rotating her hips while my cock and finger were inside her as much as the feel that got me off. I never had the chance to answer her before I exploded. I sunk deeper inside her to ride out my orgasm then sighed, "Yes. I am."

I winced as he pulled off me. The second she was lying beside me I rolled to my side and kissed up the side of her neck to her mouth. “I want to have you every way I can. I want you to know what I feel like inside you. Everywhere.” I got more lube and went back between her legs, my middle finger in her ass and my thumb rubbing her clit and all around her vagina. The way she kissed and moved told me she liked what I was doing. I dropped my mouth back to her breast, using my teeth to test the firmness of her nipple. She cried out and arched into me. Good. I wanted her on the edge of overstimulated.

Stretching across her I sucked hard at her other breast while moving in and out of her body a few times before stroking faster and deeper. I could feel her body relaxing. She was ready for more. I circled my thumb around her clit. "What do you want, baby? I can make you come like this." I gave her nipple a sucking pull. "Or my mouth."

A deep push into her had her gasp, "I always want your mouth."

It had been a stupid question. I knew what she'd pick. I decided I was going to have to put in some time to make the choice harder. But not now.

"As you wish." I went down on her, slowing licking and sucking her, letting my tongue replace my thumb to fuck her, then pulling my finger from her to use my tongue there too. I pushed her leg up to give me more room to lick her top to bottom, stopping at both ends to swirl my tongue.

From above me I heard, "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god" over and over.

This was fun.

I focused on her clit again and started to push two fingers inside her. More resistance, but easily pushed through.

"Slow, Bastian."

How is her telling me to slow down, hotter than her begging for more? Probably because it means she trusts me enough to listen. This made my cock start to come back to life.

I kept licking her without moving my fingers. Waiting. It wasn't long before she was pushing against me and I slid in more.

The "oh god" changed to "mmm yeah, oh yeah" with each twisting push.

I moved to my knees so I could add the fingers of my other hand to stroke her g-spot. Her legs started shaking, she put her hand on my head, pushing me closer and told me she was going to come.

No shit.

After she came, I let her push my head away, but kept my fingers inside her, riding out the contractions with her. I couldn’t help but think about how good her orgasm was going to feel around my cook and a moan came up from deep inside me.

I didn’t want her to come down. I sat back with my legs crossed under hers. This lifted her hips and tilted them perfectly. I started finger fucking her ass again, my other hand slowly stroking her inner thigh. My fingers weren't as wide as my cock, but I was sure she was ready to take me.

Emma was too. She squirmed against my invasion and made a pleasured noise. "How do you want me?"

The use of my words had me grinning like an idiot. I stole her words too. "On your back. For now. I need to see you." Unsaid was I needed to make sure she was ok. Pretty sure she knew.

Emma handed me a condom and tossed the lube down the bed. I looked at her as I put it on, "Are you nervous?"

Emma shrugged, shook her head, and smiled, at the same time. "No." She clued in and tilted her head, "Are you?"

My streak of complete honestly with her continued, "Yes. I want to make you feel good."

"You always do." She looked away then back, "Except that one time we were really drunk and nothing was working."

"We agreed to never talk about that."

"Mmmm, no we didn't." She scrunched up her nose in an incredibly cute way.

"OK, maybe not, but now is when you bring it up." I pushed in deep, making her breath catch.

She smiled sweetly, "Still nervous?"

I did a quick check, "No."

The smile shifted to something not at all sweet, "Still wanna fuck me?"

I laughed, but not because it was funny, "I always want to fuck you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had an ice storm yesterday/last night. Hoping the power stays on. At least school was switched to virtual so I didn't have to drive.


	75. Chapter 75

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian's mouth on me and fingers inside me had me close to overwhelmed.

The attack on my clit, the stroke of my g-spot, and the twisting stretch of my ass had me shaking with need. Any one alone was enough to get me there, but with all three my orgasm came from everywhere. After I came my clit was too sensitive, but him finger fucking my ass had the pleasure building again.

When he'd added a second finger, I'd asked him to go slow because of an uncomfortable burn. It didn't hurt and all it took was a minute of him being still to make it ease away. There was none of that now. It just felt good. I wanted all of him.

"How do you want me?"

Sebastian smiled and gave back my answer when I'd asked him the same. "On your back. For now. I need to see you." He took the condom from me, "Are you nervous?"

I shrugged, shook my head, and smiled, "No." But he was. "Are you?"

"Yes. I want to make you feel good."

He left out the part about not wanting to hurt me, so I did too. Instead, I went for distraction. "You always do." I looked away then back, "Except that one time we were really drunk and nothing was working."

His mouth opened in disbelief. "We agreed to never talk about that."

"Mmmm, no we didn't."

"OK, maybe not, but now is when you bring it up." He held his hand out pointing between my legs.

He did have a point, but so did I. "Still nervous?"

I watched his eyes shift like he was searching. "No."

My plan had worked. Hoped I hadn't distracted him too much. "Still wanna fuck me?"

"I always want to fuck you."

Sebastian scooted closer, pulling me further up his thighs, arranging me where he wanted me. I felt the head of his cock rub along me then start to push. He squeezed my thigh, "Let me in, baby."

He either timed his words perfectly or he had some weird power over my body because I felt him slip barely inside me. I didn't wait for him to ask, "Tight, but good."

Sebastian cut his eyes to mine, licking his lips, "You're so beautiful." His thumb went to stroking me from his cock to my clit. "Try to push me out."

I did as he said and felt him slide in more. Sebastian bit his lip with a groan. I reached down and touched his cock, "Keep going."

He pulled out the tiniest bit and went forward again, several times and very slowly. I closed my eyes and breathed, only opening them when his finger moved over my cheek, "You're doing so good, Em. How's it feel?"

I wiggled around, feeling him shift inside me, "Fullish. You're not hurting me." I curled my hips. "The opposite. I want you to move."

Sebastian gave me what I wanted. He didn't go deeper, keeping his strokes even and picking up speed. It wasn't that different than other times he was inside me. He'd done a good job prepping me and while the process was slower the feeling of being full of him was the same. Except for all the ways it wasn't.

His eyes were closed with restrained pleasure written on his face. My voice brought him back, "Tell me how it’s different."

"Tighter, but more concentrated. A really tight band then softer and not as tight. Not better, just different." He laid over me, kissing me with an intensity that curled my toes. "Dirtier." He pulled almost out, "So fucking tight."

“Pull out then back in." He did, repeatedly. That worked for me, oh god, did it ever. I writhed against the bed and fought to breathe, "Bastian, fuck, so good. Need more."

Sebastian moved away and off the bed. "I can't keep that up and not come. Roll over and come here."

I moved to him, kissing him before turning around and taking to my hands and knees.

He pushed in me again and both of us moaned, "Oh god."

His hands went to my hips and pulled me back, "Take what you need. I'm going to like whatever you do."

I backed up onto his cock until it was too much to go further. Then slowly pulled away.

Sebastian growled and his fingers dug into my hip, "You're so fucking hot, fucking yourself on me."

I looked back at him, "Such a dirty boy."

He laughed, "Look who's talking."

I dropped my head down toward the bed and thrust back to him again and again each time stopping only when he felt too deep. However, it couldn't have been a dozen strokes before I was pressed against his hips.

Sebastian curled over me, one arm wrapped low and holding me tight to him, his other higher and he grabbed my breast. His fingers squeezed my nipple as he ground his hips into me and he sucked the back of my neck. "Can I take over?" He thrust into me, "I promise to be good."

"You gonna make me come?"

"Oh yeah, you and me both."

When he stood up his fingers went back between my legs. I was slippery all over from the lube and he rubbed back and forth while he moved inside me. He felt so good. Faster and deeper, both of us making noise and breathing heavy.

"Bastian..."

He cut my words off, "No, not yet." He pulled out and climbed back on the bed, bringing me with him. Curling up behind me, Sebastian pushed my leg up and slid inside me again. His teeth dug into my shoulder. That was new. "I love you. I love being inside you."

We kissed, our tongues moving together like our bodies. Sebastian's fingers sent a shock of pleasure through me in several new directions. I didn’t know what to expect when I came.

Sebastian sank deep and stayed there, barely moving except to swirl his cock inside me. "I'm not coming until you do. You're gonna pull me over." I shook from his words. "Fuck, I'm gonna come hard. So hard, Emma."

The diffuse touch changed to his middle finger quickly stroking up my clit. The change was enough to trigger my orgasm. I held onto his arm, "Oh god, Sebastian." It started behind my clit, but being full of him was an increasing pressure too. When the wave broke over me I felt full, tight, and stretched to the max. All on the edge between pleasure and pain where the pain enhanced the pleasure. I turned my head and fisted his hair to make him kiss me. He had to kiss me.

Sebastian wasn't into the kiss, but he let me have his mouth. He was trying to breathe and fuck and finding it hard to do both. Fucking was winning.

A couple of hard out of control thrusts after my orgasm subsided Sebastian went balls deep to come. He squeezed me tight, fighting away from my mouth to bite into my shoulder again. I held his head there, running my fingers through his hair. When he shifted back to pull his cock from me he moaned softly.

The sensations, while he was inside me, were intense and the feeling doubled when he was gone. That feeling. The switch from full to empty left me feeling some sort of way. I don’t understand it or have words that make sense. I went from full and overstimulated to empty and done. There’s got to be one hell of a drop in neurotransmitters. I was feeling it.

I stopped Sebastian from rolling onto his back. I pulled his arm over me and the touch of his hand told me what I needed. I put his hand between my legs. "I need you to keep touching me."

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” I turned where I was on my back using his arm as a pillow.

His face said he didn’t believe me.

“Going from you everywhere to you nowhere is too much. I need to come down slower.”

“Thank you.” He pressed his lips softly to mine, his lips open enough to feel his warm breath. He hooked his leg around mine, pulling it closer, and his hand gently caressed me, moving from between my legs to my inner thigh and my lower belly. I held onto his bicep, feeling it flex and relax as he touched me. The kiss intensified just enough to be a slow tangle of tongues. My unease almost immediately calmed.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. Longer than minutes, but shorter than an hour. Kissing, touching, and eventually holding one another. When I pulled back from the kiss I found had rolled to my side with a leg over his hip, close enough to feel the rise and fall as he breathed. We were quiet and still, but his hand continued to move over my skin. It felt like he was making sure I knew he was still there.

It took a few more minutes before I could say more. Sebastian’s blue eyes stayed with me, waiting patiently. I could tell I was smiling because he was too. “Intensity went from like twelve to zero and the adrenaline dropped out.”

“I get that.”

We both laughed and I kissed his smile, “Sorry.”

“No,” he pulled down his eyebrows and shook his head, “don’t apologize for needing me to take care of you. I can lay here kissing and touching you all night.”

I glanced at the window, “The sun is coming up.”

“It’s been a good night.”

I moved out of his arms, kissing him as I went, “Yes, it has.” I ducked into the bathroom to pee and clean up. When I came out the bed was turned down and Sebastian was missing. The toilet flushing in the guest bath answered that question.

He came back into the room carrying a couple of bottles of juice and a bottle of water, “Did we eat dinner?”

“Nope.” There had been snacks in the dressing room, but nothing that would qualify as dinner.

“I didn't think so.” He climbed into bed and help up the bottles, “Pineapple Mango or Strawberry Banana?”

“Pineapple Mango, please.”

I stood to the side of the bed taking a drink of my juice and waiting for Sebastian to get into bed. He sat up leaning against the headboard. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions, and his eyes were a little too dilated. I crawled between his legs and relaxed against his chest. Sebastian laid his arm around my stomach and kissed my shoulder. I turned my head in hopes of a kiss and wasn't disappointed. I scratched his beard, "How high are you?"

He hummed in thought, "Not as high as I was, but not unhigh. Is unhigh a word?" He didn't wait for me to answer, "I'm a relaxed and happy high. How about you?"

"Same." I turned to the side and laid my head on his shoulder where my face was close to his neck. He smelled like sex. I'm sure I did too. "We're going to have to change these sheets in the... later today."

"Fun couple activity." He squeezed me close and kissed my shoulder. Again. He ran his fingers over my skin where he’d bit down. Twice. "Does this hurt?"

I’d glanced in the bathroom and knew there wasn’t even a red mark. I drew his attention to my face by putting my hand on his, "Nothing on me hurts."

"Good to know." He kissed my shoulder again.

“There was a lot of new tonight." I snickered.

"I know I was the one who wanted to talk about all things the first night we were together, but I don't want to talk about any of this."

"Why?"

Sebastian laid me on the bed and rubbed his beard on my neck, making me laugh. "There was nothing tonight that I expected and I'd rather see what we get up to. If that's good for you. We talked about lines, this is just filling things in."

"It's fine with me." He smiled and moved closer. I put my fingers over his mouth before he could kiss me. "We are going to do it all again, right?"

The corner of his mouth turned up as he pulled my hand away. He laced his fingers with mine before pinning it above my head. "You bet your sweet ass we are."

My laughter was cut off by a kiss that got us started again. We made love slow and quiet, never moving from where we started, both tired but still not quite done with each other. When we were, we moved right ways in the bed and Sebastian pulled the cover over us. I drifted off to sleep, wrapped in his strong arms, with his fingers moving along my hip. "I got you, Emma. I got you."

I woke up to the notification of a text message. It was almost noon. I unlocked my phone and found Angie had sent me over a dozen texts last night. Here's a sampling:

Where'd you go, bitch?  
Come to our place.  
We're not done partying, Emma.  
You're ignoring me.  
You're getting laid and ignoring me.  
I can't fault you for that.  
Alissa's here. Don't know where Will is.  
Is he with you two?

Then there was a couple of hours break before the one that woke me up.

“Alissa said they're seeing you two today. She's got your shoes. Thanks for the borrow. I love you, you useless slut."

I sent back, "I love you too, skank whore."

Sebastian laughed in the bed next to me, "You’re calling Angie a skank whore."

"She called me a useless slut."

"Mmm, I don’t think you’re useless." He kissed me and stretched his arms above his head. “Or the other thing.”

I smiled, sat up, and realized I didn’t want to. I fell back and watched him stretch.

He rolled to his stomach, “Can you pop my back?"

I sat up, "What do I do?"

"I’ll tell you where to put your hands and you push."

I sat on his butt and pushed where he told me. “Almost. Down a little and harder.” I had most of my body weight pushing on his lower back. He shifted his hips and let out a loud sigh, “Perfect. Thank you.”

I used my thumbs on either size of his spine, where he’d had me push, and saw him relax into the bed. I stretched out on top of him and kissed his shoulder, “Anytime.” I slid my hands under him and soaked in the warmth of his body. “Ang said Alissa has my shoes and they’re coming over.

“Oh shit!” Sebastian lifted his head to find the clock. “They’re coming over at one. I forgot to tell you last night. Lunch and vacation talk. Will has some ideas.”

I rolled onto the bed, “You shower. I need coffee.”

He headed to the shower, kissing my butt before he left. I laid there until I heard the shower door close. No reason, just a limit I’d set for myself or I’d lay here until he came out. It was going to be a long day. Caffeine would help. And food. Wonder what Will and Alissa were bringing? After getting my coffee going, I returned to the bedroom to strip the sheets and shove them in the washer. I didn’t know where clean sheets were so I left it and went back to get my coffee. All the shopping bags were still by the door. While I sipped, I removed tags. I’d throw them in the washer after the sheets. I wanted to take a few things to France and my time at home would be short for laundry. I needed to start making a list. France wasn’t quite as simple as a weekend at a B & B. I heard the shower turn off and hit the button to start Sebastian’s coffee. I finished my sorting quickly and headed back to the bedroom with his cup, knocking on the bathroom door.

“May I help you?” Sebastian opened the door with a towel wrapped around his hips. He saw the cup in my hand, “You’re an angel. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Can I shower?”

“Yep.” He kissed me before letting me into the room.

Will called while I was showering and we worked out lunch. I wasn’t sure I’d make it until they arrived. So hungry. Sebastian was making another cup of coffee when I zoomed into the kitchen with a towel on my head. I started searching the refrigerator. I grabbed a spoon and dug into a jar, the first taste like heaven.

“Are you eating hot fudge out of the jar?” The look on his face wasn’t readable.

“I’ll eat almost anything straight out of a jar.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about you eating bologna out of the package. Who even still eats bologna?”

I raised my hand, “That would have been good last night. I guess you don’t eat Spam either?”

“Not that I’m aware of.” He made a disgusted face.

“It’s a Hawaii thing.”

“I thought that was a joke.”

I shook my head, “It’s on the menu at McDonalds.” I stuck the spoon back in the jar. “Peanut butter?”

Sebastian smiled and opened a lower cabinet, “Have you not found my stash?” I had not. He pulled out a sliding shelf lined with jars. “There’s healthy stuff and almond and cashew. But my favorite is over here. Jar’s too big for the shelf.”

I gasped, “Jif Extra Crunchy!” I clapped my hands excitedly, “You’re my hero.”

“I keep some Hershey bars hidden around here somewhere, but that’s for the creamy.”

I gasped, “Of course, you’re not uncivilized.” I pulled the towel off my hair and ran my fingers through to untangle. “I’m going to braid this and get it out of the way.”

“Let me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend! Hope everyone is safe and warm.


	76. Chapter 76

~*~Sebastian~*~

Will texted they had picked up the food and were on their way, no more than ten minutes out. Emma wiped down the table while I pulled out beers. She was closest so she got the door. Will hugged her, looking at me strangely, then brought the food toward the table. The women hugged and stood there talking while the door closed.

Will glanced over his shoulder and almost whispered at me, “Did you do that to her hair?”

I smiled.

“Practice more.” He started pulling things out of the bag. “And don’t let her go outside like that.”

“Stop it, Will.” Alissa pulled me into a hug.

“No offense, Pippi Longstocking. I mean, Emma.”

Emma made a face, “I don’t know who that is.”

“Don’t look it up.” Will looked at me, “Want me to teach you to French braid your girlfriend’s hair?”

“Shut up and I hate you.” Truth was, yes, I think that would be easier than her trying to teach me. Partly because she’d be doing it backward and I wouldn’t know what was going on. Partly because there was a high probability of the effort being aborted and the whole thing just being foreplay.

I was being a good boy with chicken and roast vegetables. Meanwhile, Emma had a ridiculously juicy medium-rare hamburger and fries. Emma and I both made obscene noises with our first bites. She covered her mouth and looked across the table at our guests. "We didn't eat dinner last night."

Will smirked, "We had an amazing standing rib roast with the family."

We traded stories of our evenings and Alissa filled us all in on what happened after Emma and I went home. It sounded like we'd missed a crazy after-party, but we had our own good time. We stayed talking at the table after the food was gone and I'd fetched another round of beers.

"You offered to get cocaine for your girlfriend who went to rehab for cocaine?"

I laughed, looking at one of my best friends. "In hindsight, not my best idea."

He was looking at me like I was an idiot. Shaking his head, he shifted his attention to Emma, "How long have you been sober?"

"I have no idea." I put my hand on the chair behind Emma, barely touching her. Emma made a face and looked like she was searching. "May 2007. I was sixteen."

Alissa did the math, "Twelve years."

"I never kept track because I didn't have a problem. My parents did not believe me. I was the captain of the Varsity Volleyball team. We had random drug tests. The only time I used during the season was if we had a long break. That's not addiction it's recreation."

"And you never used again?"

She shook her head, "When I got home, I was peeing in cups daily and didn't want to go back to the facility. It was a rule at Ed's and it would have wrecked me to disappoint him. We practiced year-round in college. Jimmy barely even drank. When we broke up and I moved in with Eli and Angie I really wanted to. But..." she shrugged with a smile and a sigh, "That wouldn't have been recreation or a none too original way to say fuck you to a boyfriend who cheated on me. Seemed like a slippery slope. Then it'd just been so long I wasn't interested."

I wanted to ask. "Had Keaton pulled out coke, would you have?"

She nodded, "Probably. That would have fallen under recreation. It would have been fun."

"At the risk of sounding very old."

The three of us looked at Will and said, "Too Late."

He flipped all of us off, "Emma, what you chose to do is up to you. I think an after-party with your musician friends may feel comfortable, maybe too comfortable. There'd be a risk of overdoing and you don't have a tolerance or any idea how you'll react."

I lifted my beer to my lips, "Good point". It’s ludicrous to think I wouldn't have been watching for just that. Actually, it’s not. I was pretty stoned.

Emma barely glanced at me when she got up and went around the table to get to Will. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, "Thank you. For asking, and caring, and warning."

Will thought she was kidding. "It's been twelve years. It'll be like the first time."

She moved back, keeping her arms around his neck, "I'm being serious. Thank you. That was very sweet."

"Oh, you're welcome." He hugged her and said something that made her smile. Will rolled his eyes and smirked at me, which I knew was directed at me and not at the interaction between him and Emma. He was smiling nicely before Emma sat down. He looked at me, "Where's your laptop?"

Hell, if I know. I had it yesterday while Emma was shopping. I looked over at the table in front of the couch. Nope.

"On the chair in the office." Emma pointed toward the room.

"Thank you." I pulled on one of her braids before I went to get it.

Will pulled up a Google doc with links and notes to about a dozen places from Maldives to Bora Bora. I nixed any place with a flight over eight hours. I was traveling a lot in the next month and didn’t want to start a vacation with another long flight. We narrowed it down to three places for a variety of reasons that included too many mosquitoes and a lack of lizards. Emma liked lizards. Will, Emma, and I picked different islands, so Alissa was the final vote. She voted with me, but no one was upset with the result. The villa on Turks and Caicos had five bedrooms (one more than we needed), a pool, and a private beach. Perfect.

An hour Later Will's travel agent had us booked in and on a non-stop four-hour flight.

We updated Will's travel doc with all the information and started adding things to do. He shared the doc with all four couples, so we could add and comment. Not that we'd be joined at the hip for the whole trip, but some things were more fun in a group.

A few hours and many laughs later Will and Alissa headed home. I leaned against the door, hooking Emma around the waist, pulling her in tight. I liked how she was with my friends and was excited to have her with more of them on an island. More importantly, I liked how I was with her and my friends. I can tell the difference. I’m relaxed and everything that goes with feeling relaxed.

Right this second with Emma's body fitted against mine I was not quite as relaxed. I put my hand on the back of her neck and brought her to my mouth. Kissing her. Claiming her. Finally, letting her go. "I need to finish up some stuff from yesterday. Maybe two hours?" I said it in the form of a question hoping she'd not be angry.

She nodded quickly, "Ok." She pointed down the hall. “I'm going to finish my laundry and make the bed."

"No, we'll do that later."

"Don't be silly." She went to her toes and kissed me. "Will it bother you if I practice?"

"No, I've got a few things to watch. I'll have on headphones."

"See you in a bit." She ran her fingers down my chest letting them drift away before touching my cock. Tease. I loved her little smile as she wiggled her nosey fingers at me. "I love you."

"Love you." So damn sexy.

I made myself walk to the couch before I followed her down the hallway. Focus. Focus. Focus.

I did well for an hour and forty-five minutes when Emma came back into the room. She sat in the chair diagonal and started to read. She is doing nothing to distract me, which I find very distracting. Her ignoring me is sexier than if she was stripping. I’m sure that says something about me. For one, I’m a liar. Her stripping would be much sexier.

One hour and fifty minutes. I crooked my finger, patted the cushion next to me, and lifted my arm. Emma uncurled her legs slowly and moved next to me, settling with her back against me. She went back to reading. I pretended to pay attention to the laptop on my lap instead of the woman I wanted there.

One hour and fifty-three minutes. I ran my fingers along the skin above the collar of her t-shirt. Emma shifted a little where my fingers were on her breast. I could feel the thinness of her bra and limited my touch to the swell above.

One hour and fifty-seven minutes. I have given up restricting my exploration. I’ve decided it's time to make the decision between my fingers and my mouth a more difficult one. Her stiffening nipple approved.

Two hours. I moved her enough to allow me to put my laptop on the table. My headphones too. I pulled her over my thigh, between my legs. Cradling her in my arms, I rubbed my nose against hers before kissing her.

"Are you finished?"

I moved my hand between her legs, keeping my touch light. Barely skating over her shorts. "Enough. How was practice?"

"Fine. Laundry done too."

"Good." I kissed her, deeper and longer this time. My touch intensified.

Emma spread her legs, moving one foot to the floor, and pressing herself into my hand. "Are you finished too?"

"Not even close." I smiled, "Oh, you mean work. Yes, done with work."

"So, it's playtime?"

I felt my eyes and smile widen, "It is playtime." I pulled the tie on her shorts and wiggled my fingers into her panties. “I worked hard for two hours. I deserve a reward." I dipped a finger inside her then started circling her clit.

She curled her hips into my touch. "This is your reward."

"You bet." I licked the middle of her top lip. "I get to watch you come."

She closed her eyes and laid her head against my shoulder. "I'm going to relax and let you enjoy your reward."

"Mmm, ok."

Relaxation didn't last long. A combination of light fingering and finger fucking had her squirming, biting her lip, and licking them. I couldn't resist. Didn't want to. When I kissed her, her hand went to the back of my head and kept me where I had to keep kissing her. It wasn't a hardship and I didn’t fight.

I had to hold on tight to her squirmy body. Hard to tell which she liked better. By the time she was close, and I could tell when she was close, I was slamming into her pretty hard. In the end, it was the finger fucking that pushed her over. She ripped herself away from the kiss and shattered in my arms.

I watched.

Emma laid her head back on my shoulder. "Well."

I leaned in and kissed her chest, "Next time I ask if you want my fingers or my mouth it might be a harder decision."

She looked at me, eyes and mouth wide open, "Did I bruise your ego? Was this some sort of revenge finger banging?"

"No, but that sounds fun."

She laughed, "It does, doesn’t it?"

I lifted her over my other leg and crawled out from under her leg. "Stay here. Take off your pants."

I should have planned ahead. Emma had stashed condoms around her place. I need to do that. I had made a plan though. It involved going to find her in either the laundry room or in my bedroom, separating her from her clothes, and making love to her. Wasn't working out that way.

I had my clothes off and the condom on by the time I was halfway down the hall. I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I saw her stretched out on my couch one leg hooked over the back of the couch the other foot on the floor. I know, I know, I know, I've seen it all before and up much closer. It doesn't matter. Beautiful woman spread out, legs wide, on my couch, with the sunlight just starting to fade. I hope to hell that never gets old and always knocks the breath out of me for a few seconds. I took a moment to enjoy the view. Emma saw me and smiled. That took my breath away too.

I knelt on the couch, kissing her ankle, and running my hand down her leg. By the time my hand was between her legs, my cock was there and I guided myself inside her. She felt incredible. Wet. Tight. Warm. Half a dozen slow strokes later I laid over her, supporting myself on my elbows. The feel of Emma's fingers on my waist almost burned, the warmth sinking into me. She held onto me, her grip tightening when I hit just the right spot. This was good, but not what I wanted, how I wanted to come. I pulled out and sat back on the couch, taking her hand to pull her over me. Emma straddled my legs and immediately took me back inside her. It was my turn to hold her waist. She braced herself with her hands on my shoulders. The apartment was silent except for the sounds of us.

Emma rode me slow and easy until both of us needed more. She picked up the pace and I guided her harder. Her kissing my neck was what triggered my orgasm. I held her down on me and as soon as I could I laid Emma back down on the couch, going down on her to finish what we'd started. It didn't take long for her to be holding onto my arm and breaking the silence with my name.

We spent the rest of the night curled up on the couch watching a movie. We laughed, kissed, and fed each other popcorn. I don't remember the last time I had such a good simple night.


End file.
